Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Somebody send Princess a Snickers

So many stories, so little time…
As the majority of the blogosphere seems to be tripping’ over itself in deference to the Princesses latest pity-poo in the USA Today over the IRL’s newly mandated minimum weight limit, thus I’d like to point out the following to Danica as the green flag is set to unfurl in just over 72 hours in Homestead…

As the majority of us Gearhead’s already know, modern Formula 1 racing cars are mid-engine, open cockpit, open wheel single-seaters being primarily constructed out of carbon fibre composites, with the ENTIRE Racing Car, INCLUDING: Engine, Fluids and DRIVER; Weighing ONLY 605kg. (1,334.025lbs) In fact this is the MINIMUM WEIGHT mandated by the FIA.

The majority of today’s Constructor’s chassis are purposely designed underweight in order to allow designers the greatest flexibility of positioning ballast at their discretion to maximize the Centre of Gravity *CG( as low as physically possible inside the chassis’s structure.

And although I don’t feel like hunting for the exact year this design theorem first began in Formula 1, suffice it to say, it has ALWAYS been a key aspect of Grand Prix chassis design, with the practice of lead weight ballasting having occurred for decades.

Careful Danica, have you noticed how ALL of the F1 drivers must be weighed immediately after the conclusion of every Grand Prix and thus we could have those clever IRL marketing goons start publishing driver’s weight’s a la Formula 1 and adding them to the television screens? YIKE’S!!! What’s next in the wurld ‘O Danica mania… The Princess has gained 4lbs… And now she’s doing those dreaded Slim Fast commercials?

And is it fair that Justin “Buckshot” *HMM? Buckshot = lead pellets = weight; PUN intended?) Wilson should be penalized for being the tallest driver on the grid? As I recall last season writing about Justin claiming his lap times were off by three tenth’s of a second vs. arch nemesis Sebastain Bourdais due to his 6’+ frame’s extra weight. And trust me; having met Justin personally a few years ago, he was fit as an Ox with zero body fat!

At 6’ 3 ½” and 185lbs, Justin is at a sizeable disadvantage against the Princess, but in his typical British “Stiff upper lip” fashion, has said nary a word about this subject. NO, I believe it was Robby “Dirtmann” Gourdoun who was the first to cry Mommy about the weight disparity…

Yet, Gourdoun knows a thing or four ‘bout shedding weight, having caused yellow flags by discarding various parts of his racing car’s interior, while tossing your helmet has to be good for at least five pounds… And one may argue that if the Princess kept her undergarments on she may not have to add so much ballast to her Andretti Green mount, eh?

Yet, one of the funniest things I’ve seen in the past was when Scott “Juicyfruit” Pruett was sandwiched in-between Jaguar F1 teammates Mark Webber and Justin Wilson, as Pruett was definitely NOT like the others… Both Jag pilots being in the over six feet tall club… Yet Mark “Dundee” Webber seems to get on just fine in Formula 1, albeit on the largish side of Grand Prix jockeys…

So, as Don Henley sang long ago; GET OVER IT!” PRINCESS! As I personally believe like most out there, this is a GOOD thing, NOT a bad thing! Besides, Paul Tracy will need all the help he can get when he show’s up at the Speedway this May!

And DON’T even get me started on Marty “BACK 40” Roth… Now; “Somebody give me a Cheeseburger!” Err, Justin, send Danica some Quarter Pounders with cheese…

Justin Wilson’s “Sir-name” glummed from My Name is IRL and you may wish to partake in his nicknaming of ex-CCWS Driver’s?

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