Wednesday, December 16, 2015

F1: Pirelli's Abu Dhabi Nightcap (Constructor Rankings 4-7)

Jolyon Palmer takes the Lotus chassis out for its last spin at Abu Dhabi. (Image source:

Yuhs know somethings' UP when the drivers are Cornfuzed over the New & Improved Pirelli rubber compounds designed to spice up the show next year...

(Constructor’s: Team/Chassis/Engine)
(4) Red Bull Racing
Chassis:  RB11
Engine: Renault
Points: 189
(Car No. + Driver)
3. Daniel Ricciardo
26. Daniil Kvyat
Reserve Driver) Pierre Gasly

Although none of the F1 Constructors knew what version of the intended 2016 ultra soft rubber compound they were testing for Pirelli, which were simply awash in purple! Nonetheless, the two B-I-G' BULLZ, nee Red Bull drivers results seemed indicative of their just concluded languid season - As the primary focus has been upon what engine, if any Deeter Majestik' would be able to coax from the current Power Unit manufacturers. Since fourth overall in the almighty Constructors championship is surely disappointing, yet with the estranged le Reggies' overstated horsepower deficiencies, its impressive they didn't slip any further down the order!

7th) Daniel Ricciardo Red Bull 1m45.805s 57-laps
11th) Daniil Kvyat Red Bull 1m46.309s 48-laps

And Red Bull teased us with clever pictures 'O Tag-Huer technicians clambering at the rear end of a Red Bull chassis, whilst thou Art eagerly awaited the news; YAWN!As indeedy, thee Renault sourced PU's will be Tag Heuer badged next year with assistance from some Ilmor Chaps..

(5) Sahara Force India F1 Team
Chassis:  VJM-08
Engine: Mercedes Benz 
Points: 136
11. Sergio Perez
27. Nico Hulkenberg
Reserve Driver) Pascal Wehrlein
Development Driver) Alfonso Celis

Force India announced the signing of 19yr old Mexican Alfonso Celis as its Development Driver on November 19th, as the current ART Grand Prix GP3 driver having just finished his second season in 12th place overall would be making his F1 debut at the post-season Abu Dhabi test.

Yet not surprisingly, Celis was some 2.7-seconds adrift of Force India regular Thy "Incredible Hulkster," nee Nico Hulkenberg, but I'd surmise the test for Celis was more to do with just learning the intracies of a current F1 chassis, not to mention keeping it out of the Armco! With Alfonso sandwiched between Sauber's Adderly Fong and Manor Marussia's duo of Rio Haryanto & Jordan King.

9th) Nico Hulkenberg Force India 1m45.852s 71-laps
14th) Alfonso Celis Jr Force India 1m48.545s 65-laps

(6) Lotus F1 Team
Chassis:  E23 Hybrid
Engine: Mercedes Benz
Points: 78
8. Romain Grosjean
13. Pastor Maldonado
Reserve Driver) Jolyon Palmer
Development Driver) Carmen Jorda

With lead driver Romain Grosjean having departed for Haas F1 and Pastor Maldonado's reputation as a perpetual crasher, just having cleverly? Conjured up the nicknames of Pastor Crashalot or Malwaddo; ZOINKS! Both reminding me of an ex-Formula 1 driver known as DeCrasheris; YOUCH!

Lotus elected to simply run Jolyon Palmer, who'll make his F1 debut next March Down Under as Grosjean's replacement. As "Joly" did a KURR-RACKING! Job by finishing fourth overall.

4th) Jolyon Palmer Lotus 1m44.568s 90-laps

As Santa made his visit to Enstone early this year when Renault's Bossman' finally gave the GO-ahead to bringing the Lotus concern back in-house to Renault Works status. As I suspect the awkward Thursday evening press release was somewhat instigated by Red Bull's reputed following day PU announcement...

(7) Scuderia Toro Rosso
Chassis:  STR10
Engine: Renault
Points: 67
33. R-Max Verstappen; Netherlands
55. R-Carlos Sainz, Jr; Spain
Reserve Driver) Sebastian Buemi
(R Denotes Rookie Driver)

The finishing positions of the Pirelli test symbiotically resemble the four Red Bull drivers hierarchical positions, i.e.; Ricciardo-Verstappen; Kvyat-Sainz Jr. Although Sainz actually out qualified Verstappen 10-9, Max easily finished ahead points-wise: 49-18 with Max-Attack' finishing three places ahead in the standings in twelfth.

Meanwhile Rooskie' Kvyat finished one place ahead, in seventh with 95-points vs. Ricciardo being pipped by 3-points while finishing eighth. And although Sainz Jr. reportedly suffered from multiple reliability issues, with both of the 'lil Bulls, nee Red Bulls 'lil Seester Toro Rosso Chauffeurs suffering 'Mega high-speed crashes! Obviously A-L-L four of these drivers suffered from the indignity of Renault's inferior horsepower!

8th) Max Verstappen Toro Rosso 1m45.849s 54-laps
12th) Carlos Sainz Jr Toro Rosso 1m46.995s 56-laps

Meanwhile, not surprisingly, Max's father Jos "The Boss" Verstappen wants to see his boy in top-flight machinery capable of winning races in the near future...