Wednesday, May 15, 2013

F1: Spending ‘Mum’s Day saying ‘Barca...

Otay, so it A-L-L seemed so surreal watching; Err tryin’ to listen to le Telescreen at my esteemed ‘Auntie Harriet’s on Mothers Day, as we settled for the 11AM Pacific encore presentation, as 4:30AM seemed a ‘Wee Bit too BLEEPIN’ early!

This was the first Formula 1 action I’d watched in one month’s time, and I find myself not overly intrigued by I-T all these dazes, as I was thrilled for the ‘Mercs - as our Bloody ‘aussie (Mark Webber) called them upon the Pre-grid when he was good enough to have a word with thy ‘Wee “Willie Buxom. (Will Buxton)

As I found myself fairly distracted when trying to watch the Friday Free Practice-2 ‘Telie show - pausing a mere 30+ ‘My-nutes in and leaving it to be finished sometime later that evening, since I don’t even really recall how we got to ‘Qualie Q3 - even though I watched I-T before scampering off for my three-bus trip south.

As it’ll be interesting to know if Professor (Steve) Matchett’s matchinations about the ‘Mercs lack of or overabundance of camber set-up of the Mercedes MGP W04’s rear suspension (or is it all four corners?) is the reason for their apparent inability to keep their Pirelli rubber underneath them as long as their respective competitors, eh? As according to Grizzled ‘Journo Joe Saward Red Bull has just lured ex-Sauber Vehicle Dynamics specialist Pierre Waché away to help cure their respective woes of eternal ‘wingeings-on ‘bout “tyres-Tyres-Tyres!”

But I was very happy for “Brittany,” nee Nico Rosberg securing his second Pole position this season - and third overall with his teammate “Louise ‘JAGUAR” Hamilton alongside providing another Mercedes GP front-row lockout, yet their overly cautious demeanor towards seeing if they could stay with the pack in race trim was not encouraging.

And whilst I find myself wanting ANYBODY to BEAT thee “Smiling Assassin” (Seb Vettel) these days, and will enjoy ‘Fredrico Suave, aka Fernando Alonso doing so for la Scuderia, I find myself pining most for thy original “Iceman,” nee Kimi Räikkönen and his OOMPLATS to do so instead, which is a big switcheroo from my angst previously towards the Bastardos at Lotus-Renault GP What’s Yuhs Muh Call I-T X-P Calladrocious... Oh Never Mind, as thankfully the whole Dany Bahar affair has faded from the landscape, eh?

Now if only Mercedes could get their “37,000 Technical Directors” (Willie Buxom speak) to ALL pull in unison and get the Silver Arrows to become ‘Playuhs, then we’d have a show! As I find it a tad bit ironic how I’m pulling more for the mighty ‘Mercs than the woefully underachieving McLaren’s, albeit I’d like to see Sergio Perez blossom into a B-I-G STAR and have always like ‘JENSE. (Button)

And so it began, as my 93+ year old Aunty who’s overtly daft these days due to her acute dementia began her ritual round of questions, yet Y’all gotta enjoy somebody of that age still getting genuinely excited about getting to watch a race, right?

Oh Goodie, we get to watch a race!
Who’s racing?
Formula 1,
Where’s the race?
Barcelona,
Barcelona, Spain?
Yes,
Oh, we’ve been there...

Who’s racing?
Formula 1,
What type of cars?
Formula 1,
Where’s the race?
Barcelona,
Barcelona, Spain?
Yes,
Oh, we’ve been there...

What type of cars are those?
Formula 1,
Who’s racing?
Formula 1,
Where’s the race?
Barcelona,
Barcelona, Spain?
Yes,
The Rain in Spain on the Plain...
Where’s My Cat?

And so on and so on it went for three ‘Bloody hours; Hooah!

As Mary Ellen chimed in who’s leading? Nico Rosberg. Oh? Isn’t that the driver Harriet sat next to on the Aeroplane? Yes! Did you tell her? And thus I began reminiscing about a long time ago about when Harriet could still fly upon Aeroplanes and at the sprightly age of 87 had flown solo to Indianapolis ‘N back and had the good fortunes of having some 21-year old ‘Punk named Nico sit next to her from Indianapolis to Chicago...


And as I tried vainly listening to the most slicked over Podium interviews these days, as I could already hear myself dryly rambling on in monosyllabic tome of how the car was Ok today, but we could have done better; blah, blah, blah! The following line of questions occurred between Mwah and Harriet who’s also hard of hearing these days...

Who’s that?
Kimi Raikkonen,
Who?
Kimi Raikkonen,
WHHOOO?
Kimi Raikkonen,
Skinny?
*laughter...)
Yeah, it’s Skinny Radcliffe,
What, there’s Rats in here?
NO-NO-NO! There’s NO Rats...
Besides me; Hya!

Then sadly, in another sign of how far Harriet’s slipped, she vainly tried playing along as I hummed the last half of the Italian national anthem out as I’d done so euphorically seven blissful years ago in the blazing hot sun at Indy in deference to our then “Gawd-like Hero” Herr  Schumacher winning the ‘Twenty Oh six USGP!

Yet sadly when I asked her if she remembers our hero she paused mightily, so I said gently his name was Schumacher...

Henri?

To which I burst into laughter over her answer saying NO! It’s Michael Schumacher - as Henri’s his brother; Hya! Y’all know his other brother, not the Oh So Famous one Ralfanso, but his older brother Henri, right? Chirp-Chirp...  Hello?

Yet I suppose it happens to even the best of us, as I proceeded telling Mary Ellen how it was ironic that Felipe Massa had finished third today, since he’d finished third  also at Indy, albeit I couldn’t recall who was second for the life of me... As I still fondly recall getting to watch the post race interviews in the drivers native tongues upon the Indianapolis Motor Speedway’s close circuit television screen as we made our way down from what I’d later learn was the cafeteria level of the Media Centre’s building. As we stood there listening to DER TERMINATOR (M. Schumacher) speaking herr Deutch and Felipe speaking Portuguese.

Thus upon looking I-T up, I’m slightly embarrassed to admit I’d mixed up Saturday’s qualifying results at Indianapolis with what I perceived to be Sunday’s race results, and thus it’d been ‘Skew-maaker on Pole, Massa second and Giancarlo Fisichella P3 with the following day’s race results seeing a virtual repeat with the Ferrari’s finishing 1-2 with good ‘Ol ‘Fishyfella in third for Renault. (And thus it had been ‘Fishyfella waxing on in Italiano who was the mystery man on Saturday...)


And thus I’m guessing Y’all can see just how far my interest in the day’s race at Barcelona was completely off of the boil, eh?

As Mary Ellen would later ask me what happened? As I didn’t even seem remotely overjoyed in Alonso’s victory for the red car - saying remember how you used to be an insanely fanatical Tiafosi lunatic plus Ferrari FANATIC! Always spewing on ‘N on about how Michael’s the greatest and “Immer Ferrari!” What happened?

Uhm, guess I got O-L-D?

But aren’t you happy for Fernando? NO! NOT REALLY... Oh, why’s that? ‘Whale he used to be the ENEMY when I was still in my Schumacher mode, albeit right now I’m happy as I’d rather see anybody win besides Vettel...

Yet much later on that evening after standing on the porch looking out at the frothing beach waves racing vertically left to right, which I’d never seen before, most likely due to the enormous cargo ship I could hear rumbling away in the distance as the song “What do you do with a Drunken Sailor” silently played in my head, I gave further thought to why I’m suddenly so non-plussed over my Numero Uno motorsport, F1.

Thus I told Mary Ellen I guess I’m slightly miffed at myself for once again being sucked in by what I perceived to be another amazing athlete, as I know better yet still had been gullible to Master ‘Zebb’s playfulness and energetic enthusiasm - saying at least with Michael Schumacher he didn’t try to pretend he was a nice guy. I mean you knew he was an Arsehole! (Yet he was also an ultra BAD ASS! A la Senna I suppose...)

I’m just erked with myself for being so easily fooled by the likes of Lance, (Armstrong) Oscar (Pistorius) and now Sebastian. (Vettel) To which Mary Ellen replied guess you’re NOT cynical enough before asking then what do I care about in F1? To which I replied I like the Young guns, the up ‘N comers and the little teams these days. Although I’m disappointed with Caterham’s performance so far - which I’d expected would be better, although I suppose a somewhat more cynical side of me would say that Marussia needs the tenth place Constructors prize funds more than Caterham does, eh?

As I guess if I really boil it down, I’m a purist who recalls the days of drivers having a total of twelve laps to utilize however they saw fit during the qualifying hour  and when Formula 1 was the ultimate chess game, or a  bit like European Football with its low scoring One-Nil (1-0) victories instead of today’s version of Chinese Checkers with artificial overtaking gimmicks such as KERS and DRS, not to mention the instantly disintegrating tyres - which are NOT Pirelli’s fault, since they were simply following the FIA’s instructions. Although I suppose somebody’s gotta be the fall guy, right?


Although Pirelli has since further reported that the change will now occur by the Canadian Grand Prix instead...

Hence, I guess that I find the racing today overly chaotic and not really that exciting, whilst I suppose that some of my lack of interest or apathy for the sport is residually due to my never ending eyesight deterioration? Or perhaps just knowing that most likely either Vettel or Alonso is going to win the race, unlike the refreshing dose of different winners currently occurring here Stateside in Indy Cars.

Yet I was indeed happy for Massa to be on the podium, although overly disappointed in the ‘Mercs performance and somehow missed out on the fact that both McLaren’s actually made it into the points along with Daniel Ricciardo’s Toro Rosso eking out the final points paying position. And thus, its funny thinking that it’ll be another month since I attempt tuning into a Grand Prix - not really since I’ll tape the Monaco GP over Indy instead and watch it sometime after my return from what I’m ARSE-sumin’ will be another highly entertaining Indy 500 at Mother Speedway!


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