Friday, August 19, 2011

INDYCAR: TURN OUT THE LIGHTS – THEE PARTY’S OVER MR. BARNHART!

Straight Up, I’ve NEVER truly been a fan ‘O Brian Braveheart, Err BillyBob BrazenHearts... NOT that it really matters, eh? But I thought I’d just get that outta duh way – since I’m assuming right now it’d be extremely easy to PyleOn the beleaguered Indy Car Series Chief Steward, right?

And some where’s I read that OWR Curmudgeon Robin Miller’s favourite ex-parts washer – YOUCH! Was the last remaining link to the previous tony George Regime; Hmm? Does that mean terry “Where’s duh Beef?” angstadt has moved onto greener pastures? But I digress...

This year’s IndyCar Officiating has been the WORST I can remember in eons – with golden Child drivers being given a pass upon being placed upon ‘Double Secret probation, (DSP) drivers with extremely large checkbooks; NO! I AIN’T talking ‘bout thee Wandering Milka... But a certain countryman who’s got a huge talent of taking other drivers out whilst looking at Babes in the Grandstands; Hya! Never ever having a peep said ‘bout being placed on you guessed it – DSP! Not to be outdone by the high flying circus act HiJinx of a revered Patriarchal American Open Wheel Racing family’s charge who drives for his Pappy’s team... Whilst gee Wally, Err Mr. CandyMann – aren’t those Doublewide starts super neat?

As the only decent call I can recollect ‘Ol Barnhart making was Up North eh! At Edmonton where he penalized Hélio Castroneves, albeit I’d surmise that it wasn’t his initial call, just something he was enforcing once a Mr. Tony cottman brought it to his attention...

Meanwhile I find it most amusing how everybody seems to be overlooking the fact that this isn’t the first time this season that Race Control has SCREWED THE POOCH during a wet race – as perhaps Y’all recall that waterlogged season opener in Sao Paolo where they threw a green flag just moments after a Monsoon erupted... Where I believe that Race Control checked in with various drivers afterwards to see how the track conditions were... Check-chek-check; Copy-Copy-copy 1-2-3 – can you hear me now TK? OOPS! Should we go green Kanaan – uzeda gotz a copy Rubber Ducky 10-4?

And that’s without even getting into the ThorRonTiun Firecracker 400 which ranks as the WORST race of this season in my humble opinion... But Hey, I’m just a 40 Somme-thun with a Confuzer who likes to sit around cut ‘N pasting stories ‘bout racing – right Mr. Barnes?

Thus, I think it’s time for Randy Bernard to cut the umbilical chord that has kept Messer Barnhart tethered to IndyCar so long, as Hmm? Perhaps since he’s reputedly so close to the Dallara concern, he could be put in charge of chassis liaison after Cottman & Co. get the initial product Ontrack and in the hands of whichever Teams will be running those DIFFERENT looking Aerokits next year – you know the multiple Body-by-Mennen AFX Aurora Aerokits that multiple manufacturers will be producing next season; OOPS - SURPRISE! (NOT!!!) That’s right, I forgot – Randy “The CandyMann” Bernard caved-in to the owners and GEEZ! We’ll once again be STUCK with another mundane Indy Racing League Spec-series next year.

But I still think its time for Mr. Bernard to announce impending changes in Race Control who appear to be watching Looney Tunes comics instead of the race? Hmm? Perhaps Randy could recall Retired Gen Loony III to form another Android voting committee to hand pick Barnhart’s successor?

Just please Mr. Bernard, whatever you do – do NOT make the new Chief Steward Al Unser Jr. as ‘lil Al may have been a gifted racecar driver in his day, and may be even a decent officiater but for my taste, he’s just way too “BarnhartLite” and seems to be almost as inconsistent as his superior!

As I think IndyCar really needs to clean up its Officiating act – including its feeder series, namely Indy Lights, which NOBODY is still whispering a word about what really happened at the David Hobbs 100... With it being previously revealed that there’s been 57 INFRACTIONS as of Milwaukee; Aye Karumba!

As Scott Dixon so rightly pointed out this AIN’T NO GoKart racing is it? Or Thursday Night Thunder? As it seems like everybody’s pretty dismayed by the state of race officiating now – which makes me  forlornly think of another dubious sanctioning body named USAC – you know the ones who MUFFED the call on the infamous Texas race when ‘Ol SuperTex tried giving Arie Luyendyk a ‘Shiner! And still reputedly has the trophy that Billy boat STOLE from The Flying Dutchman...

Thus it definitely seems ironic that two thirds of the Appeals board is USAC based whilst the third is the track promoter who already appears to be a Brian Barnhart ‘YesMan. And although I didn’t see the race, from what little I heard on Trackside, it sounds like Oriel Servia is the winner, Dixon runner-up and Ryan (Hunter) BULLY-Ray third... As it’d be poetic justice for RHr’s Edmonton antics, eh? Then again the MOST damaging aspect of all of this was Dixon’s Post-race comments ‘bout is Indy Car simply making up the rules as they go along?

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