Saturday, June 18, 2011

Ground Control to MAD-DAMN’ IndyCar – FIX your BLEEPIN’ Internetz programs... PRONTO!

So far this nebulous season Ye Indy Cars, your Humble Scribe has refrained from pickin’ upon that PAIN in the ARSE “Tokyo Fly-by-Night” Overly Neon-lightish intensive webpage commonly known as; BUTT! This morning’s attempts to tune-in to Thee second FIL practice session at 12:55PM INDY/New York/ET time; which according to my warbly NFTECz (NoFenders Time Extrapolator Converterz) Decoder ringy courtesy of KRACKERJAX - shoulda been 9:55AM SEATTLE/Pacific/West Coast time – right ‘CARPETS?

Logging onto my Bookmarks page instead – thus circumventing the OVERLY way TOO MUCHO Graphically Intensive Homepage, Hmm? Can you find the IMS Radio Network link upon the vaunted Multimedia tab? I Dares Yuhs to find it! Hmm? This AIN’T part O DUH glorious CONversNBC TAKEOVER is it? But I digress...

Thus scrolling down previously bookmarked page, (can you say last year?) thru the tiny font to the corresponding June 18 YES link ‘N clicking upon it... WAIT for it, viola! NOTHING! In the immortal wurds ‘O Meesh – FUCKING EH RAY!!!

As the page redirected itself to the Press Conference Room (Centre) page with banner BOLDLY proclaiming: UP NEXT: LIVE INTERVIEW WITH WILL POWER... WTF? But NO! It didn’t start playin’ right away – as it took an agonizingly LONG time for Scott Dixon to start speaking ‘bout Dario’s HUGGIES car; which ironically, is exactly what Mr. Dashley needed to be wearin’ during the Blind Draw in Texas, right? As I won’t go down a Rabbit Hole ‘bout how Ye endless badgerin’ O the word BLIND Draw is really starting to annoy me, seeing how I’m legally blind; Oh Never Mind!

Thus I went back and tried repeatedly clicking upon the various other June 18th YES links, i.e.; INDYCAR & FIL 1st practice + FIL ‘Quals and YEP! Yuhs guessed it... Drumroll please – they ALL defaulted to where I’d previously dropped Scotty’s mesmerizing HUGGIES conversation; SHEISA!

Thus, note to Mr. Randy “The CandyMann” Bernard... In this Day & Age of instant gratification, i.e.; all things E-lectronic, or as they say upon Aeroplanes – including any devices that start with the letter i... Then I think if you’re truly trying to build up a following in your revered 18-34yr Demographic – and you list access upon your website to the weekend’s various events - BY-GUMMIT! IT HAD BETTER FREAKIN’ WORK!

Having read before about LOSING the casual fan, thus I’m ASS-suming that only the Hard Core DEVOTED Open Wheel Racing fans, i.e.; your Humble Scribe and members of Ye Bloggaratzi - are potentially attempting to follow your ‘lil Racin’ series, eh? (Along with commenting about it at a very nominal fee...) As I WON’T even launch into the facts that the live “Streaming” broadcasts have gone away – along with the ABYSMAL television coverage – CHIRP, CHIRP! Where’d it go? Up North Eh! (Can you say TSN?) As I know you’ve got bigger fish to FRYE BUTT! If you truly wanna recover some of those 15-20 MILLION LOST CART/Champ Car/IRL Souls... Then Here’s Your Sign! Make your product EASILY ACCESSABLE to those of your remaining fan base TOOTHSWEET!

Ahem – a competitor of yours with the initials SPEED even has now begun airing the NON-televised F1 practice sessions upon its website – FREE to the Public!

Meanwhile, albeit I realize it AIN’T exactly a super strong scientific Poll –YET! From four different sources; Uh Hum? – Especially if ze DannaStar does indeed decide to split for the allure of ‘RASSCAR; Hmm? Interesting how Danicker’s main car colour is green, i.e.; thee colour O GREENBACKS – Co-winkadence? NOT!

Then Y’all may wanna put out a memo to the other teams – start promoting yourself, i.e.; Team & Driver merchandise ASAP! As I myself was disappointed but NOT overly surprised that there appeared to be NO Dreyer & Reinbold Racing booth on the IMS premises, as I’d love to haveda upgraded my RuSport Justin Wilson T-Shirt to some sorta DRR/Z-Lines JW (Justin Wilson) ‘BIG UNIT apparel... But it DON’T exist...

Along with the previously written Oil Pressure blurb ‘bout there being NO Tony Kanaan hats, etc. (See Susan Scrubbs typically great post below...)

While another yearly Indy 500 attendee (Who along with her ‘Hubby fly-in from California every year aboard their OWN twin-engine Aeroplane!) mused afterwards Sunday night how they’d gone to at least ten merchandise booths at IMS and were unable to find any desirable merchandise – having been informed that the “limited edition” I500 hats they purchase EVERY year had been sold out since the Wednesday prior to the race!

While a certain Torontan fan; NOPE! Not Meesh also lamented on Saturday to the lack of desired merchandise that he’d been asked to procure for other I500 fans Up North Eh! Was simply not available this time around...

So Mr. Bernard, I know that fixing the dilemma of new Body-by-Mennen AFX Aerokits is probably a much larger pressing issue; BUTT! If the fans in the stands cannot find the merchandise they’re wishing to freely spend their hard earned Dinero upon – and if those of us who have NO IndyCar event within LESS then 1,000+ miles cannot follow it via le Internetz, etc, then how in DARNATIONS do you expect to improve your potential audience – which I suggest most likely will find something OTHER to do instead, eh?

Yet, since apparently I’m a Glutten-for-Punishment! I tried tunin’ back in at the published time of 1:50PM Pacific/4:50PM INDY/NY/ET to attempt listening to the Firestone Indy Lights Qualifying session – BUTT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DID NOT FUCKING WORK!!!!!!!!! Instead defaulting to the now quite ANNOYING Press Room page and karmically playing Chuck Berry’s With NO Particular Place to GO! – GET IT??? Perhaps IndyCars new Theme song? As unbelievable the links were ALL defaulting to the New for 2012 Indy Car Gala Press Conference held at the IMS Hall of Fame museum – with Jana Strange as one of the microphone bearers for the audiences riveting questions; Aye Karumba! As I just DON’T GET IT! So, please somebody tell me why there are apparently NO more IMS webcasts???? Really comca$t – you’re afraid of a little competition? Like FIL Broadcasts are gonna hurtz Yuhs; Oh Never Mind! As I’m torqued now – having given up on the IMS Radio Broadcast page at 2:06PM Pacific, rambling on and think I’ll go get an Adult beverage (or 12) instead! As walking in the gloomy wet Northwest, trying to dodge the overgrowing sticker-bushes and stepping on something smooshy on the way home seems to complete my current mood towards the apathetic state of “live” FIL & Indy Car Series coverage...

And to think I stayed home instead of going to a much more important monthly meeting today - just to listen to some Indy Lights ‘N IndyCar coverage Saturday morning; which I wasn’t anymore successful with in the afternoon – using duh BLEEPIN’ Internetz broadcasts whilst tryin’ during their respective ‘Qualie sessions; SHIT! (Which may have been the smooshy substance I stepped upon coming home...) As I’ll be going to the Art Car Bazaar instead of watchin’ the Milwaukee race Sunday...