Thursday, June 2, 2011

Back From The World’s Largest Zoo...

AIN’T THAT CUTE! CARPETS? (Who’s a fierce lover ‘O Animal pictures upon this ‘lil ‘Ol racin’ blog thingy; Hya!)

Ah, there’s nothing quite like returning home from another overly enjoyable Holiday, eh? Although why does the unrelenting quash ‘O Airport travel, i.e.; getting’ up close ‘N personal with TSA and the overabundance of Humans being treated like sardines in a can – nothing more then animals at a Zoo... Bring the happy traveler back to a crashing reality? Err, perhaps crashin’ AIN’T duh word to use when frollicing aboard Big ‘Ol Jet Aero-planes, albeit this time I flew aboard a medium sized Aeroplane to a MOST chaotic Airport in Texas, where my layover was longer then my first flight’s duration. As in for the LUV ‘O Pink Elephants; Can somebody please explain to me why there isn’t ANY Direct flights from Seattle to Indianapolis? Having flown two different airlines two different routes, returning via Houston this time... NOT to mention who in the HE-LL designs those Oh-so-Comfortable – NOT! Aeroplane seats... Having been squished into the single left-hand aisle seat aboard an Embrarer 145 3-abreast jetliner for a 2hr jaunt to GW F%%KING bU$h Int’l Airport with a serious case ‘O NUMB BUTT; but I digress...

Did I mention how FREAKIN’ AWESOME of a weekend I had at IMS! As I think I’m using the word awesome way more correctly then Dave Calabro did when trying to energize the crowd over the PA system at the Speedway... Now DON’T get me wrong, as I like Calabro’s voice, as he’s the new modern signature tone I expect to hear there, it’s just that it felt like a few times he was tryin’ a tad bit too hard to be GROOVY ‘N get his ‘Schwerve On... Going Gonzo over a 4-wide re-entry into Turn-1 on ‘Juan ‘O Dem Double-wide restarts. Although it was pretty funny listening to Messer Calabro trying to move the needle ‘O enthusiasm during the Pitstop competition – where basically NO-body cared; CHIRP-CHIRP! As Thee Mayor ‘O Hinchtown (James Hinchcliffe) tried to get the crowd to make some noise after having been ousted from an overly LONG drawn-out Pitstop competition chock O’block with TV commercials every 2.47 minutes...

Ariving at Houston, I could do nothing more then chuckle to myself profusely over the most elaborate “Chinese Fire-drill” I’ve participated in years whilst being assisted between Terminals to a connecting flight, as it’d only take a total of eight different people to go from seriously uncomfortable seat to semi-comfortable Aeroplane seat, both in the back ‘O the bus...

As a legally blind passenger (customer) needing assistance to circumnavigate thee globe; typically I’m either asked or expected to be the last person to disembark the aircraft – this time having needed to leave my carry-on shoulder bag on the jetway due to the fact that the Embrarer’s overhead bins are miniscule... A somewhat frumpy gate agent asked me to stand on the Jetway ‘til she was thru hoisting the various bags to the other awaiting passengers, as somebody’s blue carry-on bag was apparently missing...

She finally walked me up the causeway to a seating area after letting me bump into some sorta wall/partition/electric cart? Where upon being seated she passed me off to another female attendant who was apparently in-charge of dispatching said electric carts to transport those of us needing assistance – which required a moderate wait, but hey – I only had a mere 3hrs 20+ ‘My-nutes to KILL in this overly crowded airport – serving our nations finest...

After the first cart had left and the couple next to me had been ‘Cooed for their patience, there was a light touching upon my arm indicating it was time for me  to rise as my ‘Magic Carpet had arrived. Seated directly behind our pleasant cart driver who drove thru the massive crowd – Excuse Cart Please, Excuse Cart Please, Excuse Cart Please... With her walkie talkie’s radio loudly crackling a nonstop running commentary of carts and wheelchair assists needed we plowed our way towards our various terminals destinations, as I chuckled to myself over hearing one cart driver saying his battery had just died and he’d be needing to have his passengers picked up...

I was then dropped off at a second seating area where I was told a wheelchair would come to take me to my gate, as somebody told the lady to do your thing Girl – go ahead ‘N lock the chair and help him get in, as I assisted by putting down my footrests before being wheeled thru the busy complex to an awaiting Subway train, which we took a short ride upon – passing what I believe is that signature Houston skyline landmark? As I noticed a giant perfectly circular building in the middle of the landscape on a sunny, hot day outside of the most overly air-conditioned terminals and Skytrain...

After exiting the Subway car I was whisked to a second awaiting electric cart, which just so happened to be the very same driver I’d heard previously claiming his cart’s battery was dead; Aye Karumba! As it got even funnier yet? As there was a little Old lady one row ‘Kitty-corner behind me most concerned that she wouldn’t make her connecting flight in time and constantly harangued the driver all the way to her departure gate – claiming: It’s an International flight and I have to be there an hour early! Please Hurry Sir! To which I interjected a few times on this amicable driver’s behalf who was trying his best to not become annoyed by her constant badgering over her apparent confusion of check-in vs. gate arrival times...

As we drove all over the BLOODY D & E Terminals, having begun this Mister Toad’s Wild ride way back ‘N over the breezeway at gate B as in Boy 60... With people calling out for our driver to stop please – with our affable chauffer pleading Miss I CAN’T stop – my batteries’ DYING... Whilst the new female passenger besides me said: I saw you checking out that female on the left driver... And hope you like pushing, as I’ll drive since I’m NOT walking; Hya! Along with mentioning perhaps that’s where we should all get off after going around a corner and passing a Bar whilst zigzagging thru the congestion.

Having stopped to pick up the bickering passenger who he’d not wanted to stop for, we finally got to the ‘lil ‘Ol lady’s gate who immediately exclaimed to our black male driver: I’ve MISSED my flight! Yet became immediately reassured when I explained to her that her flight didn’t leave for another hour – simply repeating what our chauffer had been trying to convince her whole ride... And after I told her this, she then thanked him for getting her there on time...

Thus, I was finally deposited to my connecting flight’s gate Echo-22 Noonish, with only a mere 2hrs 45mins ‘til departure for the Emerald City, to which my great cart driver had told us remaining riders it was so named due to all of the rain - and followed this up by saying Pierce county, right? I know ‘bout Pierce county ‘cause I watch COPS! (Rousing endorsement...) To which I replied; Oh, those must be my neighbors, to which we both got a chuckle outta – as he escorted me to a seat nearest the boarding gate’s podium. I could hear him explaining to the final two female passengers how crazy that ‘lil ‘Ol lady was and Uh DUH Ma’am, I do this for a living; Hya!

Boarding the Boeing 737-800, as typical I was seated in an aisle directly ‘Kitty-corner across from a constantly crying baby; Ah, the joys ‘O traveling, eh? As it’d only be a mere 3hrs 55mins flight to Seattle-Tacoma International Airport and an awaiting barrage ‘O showers. And then there was the short little male assistant who’d stuck my carry-on bag underneath my wheelchair huffing ‘N puffing dramatically into the back of my head over the bag’s weight and my girth as he had to push me up the jetway’s sharp elevation, onto another Subway train, down an elevator to baggage claim. Then up another elevator, across the Skybridge, racing into another elevator’s opened doors, down one level and outside to the Shuttle Express’s outside garage waiting area... As I’d listened to what I hoped was simply the overabundance of baggage identification tags flap-flap-flapping throughout this ride like the sounds of playing cards stuck to a child’s bicycle wheel, as this noise could be heard coming from both of my wheelchairs wheel’s the entire ride whilst I just smiled to myself as my feet were constantly lightly grazed off of various objects, i.e.; elevator doors, subway car rails, suitcase bags, etc before I was asked if I could handle myself from the Shuttle vans curbside check-in area; as he seemed quite happy to dispose of his overly burdensome passenger...

And there’s nothing like going home to a rain soaked COLD city – like a 35 degree DROP in temperature – a BALMY 57deg-f ‘N showers; Hey! After all, this is the weather channel, right?

Oh, and by the way; did I mention that I met two prominent celebrities over the weekend? One being a somewhat famous scribe from Trackside – whilst the other you’ll never guess – having been so favourrably mentioned upon this blog so frequently over the years... Not to mention having been Stiffed by a further Motorsports personality; Oh Whale, eh?

And to think I’ve still managed to AVOID learning the outcome of last weekend’s ‘MonnNockOe GP; So please DON’T tell Mwah, as hopefully I’ll have ‘Somme-thun to say ‘bout it in the near future – as I was told I wasn’t exactly goin’ out on a limb by predicting that ‘Juan of the Big-3, nee Red bull, McLaren or Ferrari had probably won the Pole; Uh DUH!

As now I’ll once again try furiously Poondin’ aways upon ze keyboards in order to get back into Der ‘Vurld de Motorsporten, Ja Ja? By playin’ Ketsup with the Formula 1 landscape along with attempting to put into words my MOST Excellante outing in Indianapolis – not to mention a possible interview with a potential new 2013 F1 engine manufacturer; so, stay tuned! (Please...)

And thus, it seems most ironic that Don Henley’s croonin’ in the backround ‘bout whispering in my Ear ‘bout giving us some Dirty laundry – and NOPE! NOT the type in my suitcase bag, eh?

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