Thursday, March 26, 2009

It’s Showtime!

Next, please.
And how many bags will you be checking Mister Eccle-Stone?
Ok, that’ll be 75 Pounds, as there’s a L25 fee for the first bag and a L50 for the second, Sir.
(Bollacks Bernardo, we’re only going for the weekend, Mate... Bugger Off Maxie!)
Sir, I’m sorry but your RBS Debit Card has been denied... Do you have another card?

BLOODY HELL! Here, try my Platinum Gold Members Only Barclay’s Premium Card... And Maxie, dear boy. Would you please make sure to give Tony Blair a ring on your mobile and ask him what’s up with my RBS card, eh?

Very well Sir, now if I could just see your ID. WHAT!!! DON’T you know who I am? I’m Bernard Ecclestone...

And did you pack your bags yourself, Sir?

Very well, window or aisle seat, Sir?
But, I’m supposed to have the whole aisle to myself dear.
Well I’m sorry Sir, but it appears that all of 1st Class is booked full today, I have you seated next to a Max Mosley in 3A, will that be ok with you Sir?

Attention in the boarding area, this is the final call for Quantas 4979 to Queensland. All passengers should be boarded at this time.

Paging a Sir Frank Williams, please proceed immediately to gate DCF98, as your flight will depart without you in 2:00 minutes. Once again that’s Sir Frank Williams to gate Delta-Charlie-Foxtrot nine eighter...

Good morning gentlemen, may I get you something to drink? Why yes dearie, I’ll take a Screwdriver and for you Sir? I’ll have a Beefeater and make it quick Doll.

Chicken or Beef?
I’ll take the beef Doll.
Actually Dear, I ordered the Kosher... Oh sorry about that Mister Mosley.
And bring me another Screwdriver...
Yes Mister Eccle-Stone?
This brisket is too tough... Give this one to Gordo or one of his other sorry ass hacks in the back and bring me another one...

Oh Gawd! What’s that swarmy Bastard doing up here in 1st Class? Doesn’t he know that the forward restrooms only for us?

Maxie, be a dear and say Hi to Fredrico for me and tell him I’m taking a nap...

WHALE! It’s finally here... As its time to put another Shrimp on the Barbie, grab a cold Fosters and TURN UP THE VOLUME! As another riveting season of Formula 1 is set to commence in just less than 24 hours...

Err, check that, as Y’all will need to potentially stock up on some Red Bull, you know its “Zebb’s” favourite beverage... (SHEISA! I’m startin’ to sound like ye ‘Ol Rick “Insert $ponsor Here” Benjamin, Crikeys!) Since Austrailia is actually a day ahead of us and the SPEED TV coverage will be very late at night for all of you on the East coast, with Inside Grand Prix and Formula 1 Practise coverage beginning in the wee hours of tonight!

2009 F1 Season Preview