Friday, April 24, 2015

Formula 1 Shaken 'N Stirred Down Under...

The 20 or So F1 Drivers assemble for their yearly picture at Albert Par. (Image source:
So another Formula 1 season opener has come 'N gone, and I must say it seemed a 'Wee bit Anti-climatic to Mwah, as all we needed to do was change a few names from sentences past, i.e.; Lewis Hamilton's quip 'bout "Waking up to see the start, going back to sleep & tuning in the last few laps on thee 'Telie to see Schumacher's rosso Ferrari WIN again; Yawn!

As I still find it  bemusing how much I was gripped over Sauber's "Driver-Gate" leading up to the race, especially since I knew I wouldn't be watching the first two day's TV coverage, simply ensconced in the knowledge of...

Hell hath NO Fury like a Dutchman Scorned!

As A-L-L I've still got to say for "Guido-duh-Dutchman" (Giedo Van der Garde) is Good For You Mate! And FU Sauber and Monisha Kaltenborn! As I previously noted in;

And the race became a let-down for Mwah upon learning after-the-fact that Valtteri Bottas wouldn't be taking part due to tearing a disc in his back  in Saturday's 'Qualie; CRIKEYS! As subtract three contestants before the flags dropped! (As the Manor Marussia's were DOA...)

Adding insult to injury, Kevin "Bacon" Magnussen's Hondre' PU DONE BLOWN UP! On the way to the starting grid, along with Daniil Kvyats Red Bull's transmission packing I-T in before the "Rooskie could get to his respective Grid  Slot; As suppose that's le 'Reggie's (Renault) fault too, Mr. Horner?


We're down to a paltry 15-cars before the lights even go green in Melbourne! Which thankfully wasn't 13 with the threatened impoundment of the Sauber F1 Team's chassis; Aye Karumba! As I found myself musing how this felt like one of the latter year's "Chump Carz" events;


As it's not surprising, that out of the eight Champ Car teams Pre-Mergification, only two Refugee teams that were assimilated into IndyCar remain. Yet surprisingly of these two, Dale Coyne Racing leads the wins tally 4-2 ahead of KVRT, albeit the latter did  win the series biggest race with 'TK in 2013...

And then there was the first lap shemozzle seeing Pastor Maldonado the victim being Turfed-off! Along with Lotus team-mate Romain Grosjean's car giving up the ghost and we were down to a paltry 13 racers at the end of lap-1; SHEISA! As I found myself indeed opinin' for 'Ol Hobbo's (David Hobbs) words to ring true. Noting how if we have a few more retirements and 'JENSE (Button) can keep his Honda engine running, he could end up scoring one point  for finishing tenth; YIKES!

All the while Lewis Hamilton serenely sauntered off into the distance, keeping team-mate Nico Rosberg and the remainder of the rapidly diminishing field behind him from ever even remotely challenging his lead! As I don't wanna say it was a boring race, a la Dan Ricciardo, but just check out what 'Rubino told Brazil's Globo;

Rubens Barrichello:
"I tried to watch, but I got to a point when I couldn't stay awake."

And as a visually impaired 'Vurd Botcherer... Perhaps I missed something visually, but it seemed like A-L-L  the talking heads droned on 'bout was anything but the lead duo, aka Lewis & Nico, especially since they'd run away and hid!

And there was more mayhem 'N carnage ahead, like the cruelly botched Pit stops occurring for first Spanish F1 rookie Carlos Sainz, Jr. and later Kimi Raikkonen's, who would retire after his rear wheel went on its own! Not to mention Scuderia Toro Rosso's other revered rookie Max "Dutchboy" Verstappen needing to stop the car for a smoldering Power Unit.

Yet it wasn't all bad news, as indeed, Sainz returned to the fray to earn his first Formula 1 points, Verstappen impressed until his retirement and the third rookie Gran Primo Piloto contesting his maiden Grand Prix, Sauber's Felipe Nasr impressed with a fine fifth place finish.

And say what you want about McLaren's current plight, i.e.; "Fernando-Gate," Hondre's PU, etc but, Bloody 'Ol 'JENSE did managed to complete the most consecutive laps turned in the McLaren-Honda this year, when finishing one position out of the points in P11 after 58-laps, albeit the lone finisher outside of the points.

As unlike Red Bull in A-L-L of their STUPENDOUS RETORIC! With Chris Horner & Co bandying QUIT threats after their relatively poor showing in Melbourne, you don't hear any of this wankering coming out of Woking, do you? As I couldn't agree more with thy 'Wee Willie Buxom's (Will Buxton) sentiments of Don't let the Barn Door HITS Yuhs on the way out Red Bull!

Whilst perhaps  it's just Mwah, but I felt heartbroken for my newest, favourite F1 Team, the Minnowesqe Manor Marussia outfit, who never turned a wheel in anger the entire weekend. As I'd perceived I'd be flashing back to 'OZ 'Twenty-eleven, when the two Hispania's failed to qualify as victims of  the newly re-introduced 107% Qualifying rule. Wondering if Will Stevens and Roberto Merhi would at least get to ride along on the flatbed during the F1 Driver parade?

Alas, I was quite happy that I'd decided to attend a  very enjoyable 2Cellos' concert the night in Questione of the live, riveting season opening 'Aussie GP from Down Under, which the west coast midnight-plus finish TV broadcast time Saturday evening would have indeed been  sleep inducing a la 'Rubino's comments earlier!

Thus finding myself pretty disappointed over the first F1 race of the year after watching the encore presentation, not to mention feeling let down on the whole, it's easy to agree with John Watson's typically stinging assessment of the current state of Formula 1...