Monday, April 1, 2013

Vettel plans attempt to make Amends

Ridiculed Triple World Champion Sebastian Vettel has decided to attempt smoothing the massive rift he’s created between his teammate Mark Webber and Red Bull’s Christian Horner.

Vettel has asked his Pinochle partner, a one Messer Bernard Ecclestone if he may borrow his personal jet to wing off Down Under in search to reach out to his fellow ‘Aussie Webber, who’s reportedly currently paddling in the waves off the break of the Great Barrier Reef whilst trying to catch some B-I-G waves upon his surf board.

Upon landing in Canberra, Vettel intends to immediately ring-up Webber and offer handing over his Malaysian GP winner’s trophy to Mark as some sort of solace for his transgression, along with an all expenses paid “Shrimps on the Barbie” extravaganza, replete with all of the ice cold Fosters Webber wishes to partake in... Or perhaps some select Dom Paragon or Krug champagne, Mate? And if that doesn’t charm the ‘Aussie then he’ll also fork over his bonus winnings for the extra seven points he stole off of Webber from the race in an effort to appease the tough talking Australian.

Yet, if none of his Germanic charm can warm Webber over to his way, well then, at least he can wax up his own surf board and Hang Tem, right? Wax On, Wax Off Mates! As he’ll also bring Uncle Bernaughty’s daughters & personal water craft along just in order to spice up the party; CRIKEYS MATES! You can never go wrong by having some Sheila’s along, right?

Meanwhile, Vettel has offered to his somewhat harangued Team Principal Christian Horner to voluntarily sit out the next race at Shanghai, as he says the outpouring of comments in The Guardian’s article favouring John “Wattie” Watson’s calling for this very punishment make perfect sense to him and he agrees it’s a just punishment for his disobeying team orders, that he’s very sorry for his mistake and it’ll never happen again.

Vettel says if the team still wants him to race  in China, then instead he’ll donate the race winnings plus his cash bonus for the 25-points to Red Bull’s designated charity Wings for Life instead...