Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Formula E: Long Beach thoughts



Otay, since somebody out Thar didn't like my Humour... This isn't intended to be funny or critical but instead, just my observations from the race circuit fondly referred to as "The Beach!"
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So I decided to watch my first ever Formula E race on Thy Telie', since I thought it would relieve the massive frustration I was fuming over after having squandered away nearly half of the Indy Lights race on Phoenix Int'l Raceway's Oval - trying to figure out where in the BLEEP! The F%%KING Play Button was; Can You Hear me Now Indycar.com? But I digress...

Thus I just spent the  entire ninety minutes in a most bemused, Cheshire Cat lopsided grin plastered upon my face while in stunned amazement type 'O mood.

And while the racing wasn't half bad overall, and these cars definitely have some grunt; Err torque, with an alleged top speed of 155mph! Nonetheless several thingys' just kept me in an animated state 'O amusement.

First off was the lead-in announcement 'bout how this was the series of the future - set to wipe out those archaic Open Wheel Racing cars of today... And then Fox Sports immediately ran the first of several Promos' for that evening's AMA Supercross Motorcycle race! Not to mention plugging the upcoming NASCAR race repeatedly, which after all By Gummit! They've got fuel injection now on Dem V-8's!

Or Brian Till constantly reliving Thy racetrack's glory days, i.e.; Formula 5000, F1, CART, Champ Car, etc. Which A-L-L are petroleum powered racing series...

Also noted Bob Varsha changing UP his signature race start Tag-line to Uhm? As I always remember him saying Turn UP the Volume, at the beginning of every F1 race he called. Which naturally he didn't say nothing 'bout volume 'cause the Formula E cars make nary a Peep!

As that was just the STURR-RANGEST race I've ever watched; Err listened too! As it was just downright WEIRD with Dario Franchitti and Bob Varsha's voices on the telecast being louder than the racecars! As even the Track Marshall's incessant whistle blowing in Pitlane  was louder  than the cars!

I mean how much prattlin' on 'bout how Formula 1 cars aren't L-O-U-D enough have we endured since the introduction of the Power Unit era, but Holy Hearing Aids Batman! I think the  torturing of the tyres rubber was louder than the whine of the electrical motors! With the only ambient noise coming from the regenerative braking?

Other funny bit for Mwah was Varsha dryly noting if you're a "Veteran Formula E Fan!" Huh? That's Rich since they're  only in their second season ever! Then you'll know that the drivers have to switch cars halfway thru the race because the batteries aren't strong enough to go a full race distance!

Which takes me back to A-L-L of the Spin we endured the first 33minutes before the lights, presumably powered by good 'Ol electricity from "the Grid!" If this is the sport of the future, and All Hail Formula E! Then shouldn't they be able to go an entire race on a single battery?

Which in defense of Formula E, the new battery tender just set out by the FIA calls for the sole battery supplier to provide a new battery next season able to do just that.

And talk about comprised Cockamamie' artificially induced racing. What in the HELL is  this mystery Fan Boost! I mean I thought it was bad enough with Rio Haryanto winning Fan of The Day in Bloody Melbourne, but seriously, Fan Boost?

While the funniest part of the whole event was Dario Franchitti race calling, as he seemed like he was trying not to laugh himself silly the whole race. Where do you think he'll try to pass him Bob? As they were funny and the whole time I felt like they were calling a golf game; Err Match,  but at least they were enjoyable - and nobody was building any foundations! And pretty sure they ran a straight-up NO nonsense Qualie Show.

Also, it was good to hear Brian Till's voice once again, although it's funny knowing that two-thirds of the Broadcast Booth team are ex-IndyCar drivers with the third voice, and lead announcer having covered both Formula 1 and Indy Cars previously...

While Congrats to Simona de Silvestro for not only "Breaking-her-Duck" points-wise, but by becoming the series first female to ever score points with her ninth place finish...

Monday, April 4, 2016

F1: Break out The Flak Jackets...



Whilst thou ARROGANT STUPIDITY over Thy FARCICAL Nature of Screwing with F1 Qualie continues, I  came across the disturbing news Saturday over the fighting that's just erupted in of A-L-L places, Azerbaijan!

As news reports claim it's the BLOODIEST Fighting since the 1994 Cease Fire between Azerbaijan and Armenian forces over the disputed territories of Nagorno-Karabakh's separatist region with 30 Soldiers and one Boy having been reported killed!


But surely the Azerbaijani Grand Prix must go on...

Saturday, April 2, 2016

NASCAR Awash in Patriotic Fever whilst Formula 1 roasting Chestnuts over Qualie' again!



My original Aye-deer' "Getter Done!" Was for the following Post's title for publishment on April 1st to read: NASCAR Awash in Patriotic Fever, urges Charter Members to endorse Trump's purchasing storied Racing Series...

Which to Mwah makes perfect cents, since 'RASSCAR's apparently feeling the pinch of Capitalistic Gains slipping thru its fingers; Err Bank Accounts, as Y'all may know, NASCAR instituted their version of Franchising for its much Ballyhooed  team owners as the sport has done the unthinkable by shrinking to only 40 entries after traditionally running 43 racers - locking-in the Top-36 and leaving only four spots open for wanna-be interlopers!

And in the sport that SPEWS OUT a sponsor's name every 90-seconds, it makes perfect sense that none less than current NASCAR CEO  Brian France would endorse Thy Trumpster for President, since after all shouldn't the person with the largest Checkbook be running the Oval Office brought to you by Office Depot, as let's GO to the Aflax' Presidential Quote of the Day presented by Ovaltene...


While even such luminary athletes as the once revered Latrell Sprewell have decided to jump on the Donald Trump Bandwagon! Joining the likes of Tom Brady, Mike Ditka, John Daly, Peter Pekar and Chris Weidman )WHO?) to name just a few. Especially since Trump's so supportive of his fellow man, eh?

And who said Sports wasn't Political? Oh Yeah, I almost forgot. It was Christian Horner who was trying to sell us that Bloody 'Ol London Bridge a few years ago...


Yet sadly, the only prolific Athlete speaking the truth on the subject is Thy legendous' Sir Charles, aka perennial former NBA All-star and Hall of Fame player turned prolific Sports Commentator Charles Barkley...


Hence, it makes perfect Dollars & Cents since we're off to another Democratic Kingdom this weekend for some 'lil motor racing in Thy Desert; Err that Bahraini Grand Prix, Y'all know where this tiny Island Oasis is awash in Democracy; Yeah That's the Ticket!


As typically I Boycott watching the Bahrain GP weekend, but suppose I'll be tunin' in to see how FARCICAL Qualifying truly is! As I liked David Coulthard's quip best, saying perhaps next we should explain the Offsides rule (in Soccer) after trying to explain the new F1 Qualie procedure...

Yet I'm simply stunned over the rampant STUPIDITY continuing to flow from Thy Peeenuckle 'O Motor Racing, nee Formula 1! As what in thee HELL is going on behind the curtains, as does F1 really wish to continue flattering themselves with their brilliant decision making  abilities by leaving the; excuse me, my inner Louis Black's coming on here: FUCKING Musical Chairs Qualie rules in place, are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? Are they really that BAT SHIT CRAZY?


As I'm slightly reluctant to use the BBC's article since it implies that the F1 Team Bosses couldn't agree, which isn't true, but instead, they wouldn't agree to the two pathetic choices presented to them!

As I get the idea that Uncle Bernaughty's up to some sort of Machiavellian dealings here but, what truly are one Mr. Bernard Charles Ecclestone's intentions? Along with the fact he's not making himself look entirely Daft at the moment, more like a puttering 'Ol Flip Flopping Octogenarian instead!

As I think Grizzled Journo' Joe Saward sums up this Farce de Tour most eloquently with the single sentence below in regards to leaving the IDIOTIC New & Improved Qualie format intact for a second helping.

Joe Saward:
"If you stick your hand in a fire and you burn your fingers, is it smart to try the same thing again, on the basis that it might not happen a second time?"


As you can read Joe's extended thoughts upon the matter in the link above, whilst I find myself daily now questioning at what point do I give up upon Thy Sport I once so dearly treasured and have faithfully followed for thirty years. As this AIN'T MY F1! And I'm not sure really how much longer I will put up with the continuous BULLSHIT! Like bring My F1 back and QUIT FUCKING UP the motor racing!

As its pretty rare that I agree with Jacques Villeneuve's sentiments...

Friday, April 1, 2016

Bernie, Quit Foolin' with Us!



Ah, was quite unawares' of thy News that the mischievous Uncle Bernaughty had been spinning his web again... What's that? Mr. E's prattling on 'bout Las Vegas having an F1 contract; Hurrah! And the Easter Bunny just left us A-L-L Jellybeans in our shoes, right?

And then there's this F1 Qualie Abomination known as Musical Chairs, Y'all know when the musak' STOPS way before Thy end of Qualifying! Which we're most entertainingly being given an Encore presentation of on April Fools weekend NO less!

Hmm? Did somebody say Muskrat Love? You say Musak, I say Muskrat... As there's definitely a Pack 'O Rats at Thy Controls, but who's the Captain and who's Tennille, eh?


Hmm? May be Messer Bernard Charles Ecclestone is simply trying to make up for being a Leprechaun on St Patty's Day? Although I meant NO disrespect to Leprechauns'; Oh Never Mind!

The Original PIR's renaissance



And whilst on the subject of 'El Capitano and PIR this weekend; NO! Not my Oft-neglected; Err forgotten Portland International Raceway; Sigh!


Instead, we're talking 'bout Phoenix's Dogleg or D-Shaped One-mile progressively banked Oval track for which Y'all can watch this Saturday Nites' IndyCar race under the lights upon NBCSN.

As presumably the whole 'Peacock-lite gang will be there. With Leigh Diffey anchoring Thy action while hopefully 'PT, aka The Thrill from The West Hill, nee Paul Tracy, whom I believe is a resident of Arizona now? Will be in Avondale, with his racing cohort Townsend "Shut Up and Drive" Bell both being topside with Messer Diffey.

Pitlane surely will feature Kevin Lee, Katie Hargitt and hopefully the BEST Pitlane Reporter in the business, Professor B', aka Jon Beekhuis! While 'Ol 'R, the venerable Soothsayer 'O Indy Cars Robin Miller will chime-in, and Gads, may be even do another mesmerizing Pitlane Shuffle?


Meanwhile, here's a story about Roger Penske's early years, for whom I liken to Arizona due to his wondrous Penske Racing Museum being located nearby Blogmeister Miguel's Housianna' in Scottsdale.

Although the slightly dated Arizona Republic's article naturally was written to promote PIR's main staple, nee 'RASSCAR; URGH! Nonetheless, it's a good read, as little did I know that Roger actually turned down an invitation to earn his Rookie Stripes at Mother Speedway 'Wayback in the mid-1960's, albeit Penske's certainly done Otay for himself anyways!


And although I'm NOT holding my breath! It sure would be nice seeing somebody besides Penske, Ganassi or Andretti pull a surprise win at Phoenix Int'l Raceway!

Like I Dunno, say thee Mayor 'O Hinchtown or Josef STUD! Newgarden; Hmm? I said surprise, which would mean somebody like Conor Daly, the Foyt Twins Taku-san & Union Jack! Mikhail Aleshin or Hmm? Marco Andretti...