The Tomaso Files: Summer is Fini edition...

Seams like summer has disappeared in the blink ‘O an eye, literally... As the IndyCar series seems like a mighty convoluted mess to Mwah - I suppose for several reasons, i.e.; 3-week disruption due to farcical China race cancelation and that bright thingy outside - momentarily; called the Sun! Not to mention the chance to get Out ‘N Aboot, more specifically awayz from thee Confuzer and give ‘Lucy; my as-STEAMED! Screen-reader some time off; Hya!

Thus, if you’re looking for a riveting Fontana finale re-cap here; PHYSCE! You’ll haveda wait until I can poond it out upon my keyboard, as my typing speed seems to be diminishing these dazes... (Perhaps since my ‘Noggin is racing in several opposing directions regarding story ideas continously!)

Adding to this discombulation with all things Open Wheel Racing, i.e.; F1 and IndyCar was the fact that I ended up taking a 10-day trip to Florence, Oregon over the Labour Day weekend to visit friends, the Sand Dunes, the Ocean, Campgrounds and the sound of the Fog horn & roaring ocean off in the distance...

Thus I found it funny how the suspense of NOT knowing who was on first; Err who’d won the Baltimore race was momentarily shattered by somebody leaving me a cryptic voicemail going BOO-HOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOO... SHEISA! As I fumbled to hit the ERASE button before the entire races outcome was divulged! As Mary Ellen had a good chuckle when I told her I think somebody just told me that my driver Will Power didn’t win the race; URGH!

Thus, apparently the Herculean No Fenders Feelgood Mojo effort was to NO avail, as I’d Spent the entire Baltimore weekend proudly sportin’ my brand spankin’ new Will Power T-shirt in Florence, to which our most amiable hosts pondered out loud: Is that really his name?

VIDEO: Will Power interviews Sarah Fisher

Thus, one week later, I sat down to watch; Err listen to my taped coverage of both qualifying and the race in thy nick ‘O time, since I’d need to clog-up the recorder at 10PM that evening in order to tape the Italian Grand Prix replay followed by the GP2 race...

Hence, I wasn’t overly surprised to see that duh Peacock-lite (NBC Sports Network) is firmly following in the footsteps of Duh Douche! Aka ESPN2 and its fine family ‘O Dizney Shoppin’ Networkz... As I’d set the ‘Ol Memorex recordin’ machine according to the info provided prior to my departure for Oregon... As guess what? They bumped IndyCar36 once again in favour of some STUPID Stick ‘N Ball Talking Heads instead... Hmm? And Kevin Lee wonders why IndyCar is getting such a LOW TV rating on his employer’s (NBCSN) television channel, eh?

Thus I watched a fairly entertaining ‘qualie show where it was noted that the following seven drivers: J.R. Hildebrand, “Grahamcracker,” (Graham Rahal) le Hamburgular, (Sebastain bourdais) ‘MarkyMarc (Marco Andretti) Justin ‘BIG UNIT Wilson and “Symone Pagenoe” (Simon Pagenaud) ALL were participants in christening Baltimore’s Mean Streets Chicane, a la Circuit Gilles Villeneuve’s Champion’s Wall that most satirically sez’ “Welcome to Quebec!” upon I-T! (In French naturally...)

Of course I was ecstatic with Power’s Pole-run and summarily thought he’s got I-T in duh bag, right? As we all know the outcome of that race, as my new Numero Uno Bad Hombre ‘BULLY-RAY! Threw down upon his competition and stormed to his fourth win of the season; SHEISA!

Thus it’s funny thinking how Power got screwed in the Pits once again, or was it pit strategy? As I seem to recall that his previous chief strategist Clive Howe; or is it Howell? Which makes me think of Gilligan’s island who I believe had a Howell upon it? As Clive somebody got removed in favour of Tim Cindric - who I’m NOT calling for his removal; BUTT! You just haveda really wunder what’s going on at Team Penske these days... Although ALL will be made right if Power finally WINS his first ICS title Saturday night in Fontana...

Thus I found myself transfixed on the floor of the No Fenders office listening gleefully to the morning & evening practice sessions - along with the day’s qualifying session via Zed Internetz IMS Radio Network connection via Indycar.com... Which Eureka! Worked 93% of the time... Only dumping upon Mwah during the final minutes of the evening’s extra-stoppage time coverage of final practice...

Yet I still don’t understand why I’m NOT allowed the freedom to choose between browser choices as Internetz Exploder immediately defaults to the m.mobile website and Moozilla doesn’t activate the screen saver... STRANGE SHIT SHERLOCK! But Hey, it kinda perfectly sums up the current state ‘O IndyCarz, eh? Hooah!

And I raised a glass ‘O Guinness to Bob Friday night, as most appropriately the IMSRN BoothBoyz Mike “Yippee-Aye-eh!” King  & Mark “Graveley” James spent several minutes commiserating with Bob Jenkins over his impending retirement from fulltime TV broadcasting... As Bob was his usual unflattering self; saying I don’t get it, it’s just a guy retiring who’ll be replaced by somebody else... Hopefully Brian Till - who seems far less rough around the edges than Kevin Lee...

Then in preparations; or is ‘Dat Preparation H? I decided I’d better go for my semi-regular ‘Walkabout to get some fresh air Saturday morning... Especially since I was preparing to do the unthinkable later that afternoon by watching the whole BLOODY 80-minutes Pre-race preamble in honour of Messer Jenkins... As really NBCSN; 80 F$$KING ‘My-nutes ‘O dribble ‘bout who’ll win the title; WTF? Perhaps you’re tryin’ to make-up for LOST revenue the old fashioned way? I mean you wunder why you’re getting a point-3 rating with your FREAKIN’ Infomercial pre-race snooze-fest? Oh Never Mind!

Thus it was funny as I passed the neighborhood’s Frisbee-golf course and two middle-aged dudes were summarily blocking the sidewalk in heated conversation over what Frisbee weighed less... Hence making me chuckle to myself over how Boyz will be boys - always seeking “The Unfair Advantage,” which is vintage trademark Penske-speak... As after all the phrase was coined back in the Mark Donohue era when he and The Captain were always looking for ‘Uber-clever ways to outthink ‘n outfox the competition...

Thus, I hope this esoteric thought is a good omen for my guy ‘DJ-WillyP in Saturday Nite’s “Knife fight” for the coveted Indy Car Series title, as I really DON’T wanna be crushed again for the third year in-a-row! Which is wy appropriately my beer ‘O choice for the evening, as in 17:50 is Fosters time, Mates! As I’ll need a gulp of the iced Fosters ‘Oil-can to get ridda my pre-race blues; Hya! So good luck Will Power, as I dunno what it means; BUTT! Scarily my Golden Oldies station is playin’ Lynnard Skynard’s “They Call Me the Breeze” right now, which I suppose is aptly suited to one of the two title competitors, right? 

Salute Bob!

UPDATE

'Whale apparently I was so bummed over Will Power's inexplicable spinning top maneuver into the wall when trying to overtake eventual Indy Car Series champion 'Bully-Ray; Err Ryan Hunter-Reay that I didn't even bother scribblin' anythingy 'bout I-T afterwards... Although at least it wasn't nearly as DESPICABLE as the prior year's season ending disaster at 'los wages, which I scribbled my Post-race thoughts in;

INDYCAR: Taking A Hard Look in the Mirror

Zanardi on Wind Tunnel

According to Kevin Lee of Indiana Pacers RELIEF Broadcasting fame... ‘Somme-thun to do with third-quarter trivia allowing the announcers to make a potty-break and grab a hot dog... Err, of Trackside fame with the previous Pacers wit via cohort ‘N crime Curt Cavin - ‘El Zorro, aka Alex Zanardi fresh off his brilliant Paralympics debut in London, where he grabbed two gold’s and one silver medal in his three events, will appear on Wind Tunnel with Dave Despain this Sunday evening at 6PM PACIFIC - and will be most likely tasked upon his potential interest at the Indy 500 next year...

Zanardi on racing Indy 500

And I specifically chose today’s date to post this Zanardi tidbit - since ironically it marks the eleven-year anniversary of his Nightmare in Germany, which I’ve previously scribbled ‘bout in;

Zanardi - Ten Years later

As I still say the perfect solution would be to make him the honorary IZOD 2X Seater’s chauffer at the Brickyard next year; or at least the Pace Car driver... After all, how kOOL would it be seeing the Pace Car serving up a batch ‘O celebratory Zanardi ‘Doughnuts!

Professor Sid Watkins dies

In case you haven’t heard, longtime stellar F1 Medical ‘Guru Professor Sid Watkins has died at the age of 84 - yesterday in London hospital following his bout with cancer...

There are several excellent articles floating about Zed Internetz, including Grizzled ‘Journo Joe Saward’s Sid, which gives a more in-depth look at his upbringing; whilst I’ve included the Guardian’s story - where I first heard the news this morning for its insight upon his wicked modesty... Noting if the bums at his hospital called him Sid, then surely his protégé could!

F1 leads the tributes for Sid Watkins, its long-time medical delegate

As mentioned in the story above, it was ‘Prof who saved the lives of ‘Rubino, (Rubens Barrichello) Martin Donnelly, Mika Hakkinen and Gerhard “blockhead” Berger to name just a few... As I’d also assume he was instrumental in saving Karl Wendlinger’s  life - not  to mention countless others with his continuous push for driver safety on and off-track; be it Formula 1, GP2, F2, GP3 or the countless minor “Junior” series and grass-roots Formulaes.

Sadly, my most current memory of Dr. Watkins comes from the great SENNA documentary, with his famous quip to Ayrton Senna: “Lets just go fishing...” Prior to the Brazilian’s death on Black Sunday at Imola in 1994...

Watkins family thanks F1 community as tributes pour in for Sid

My Last Grand Prix...

Even when thieves poach his Hublot, Uncle Bernaughty makes out smellin’ like a rose; as he could be heard singin’ I’ve Got  You, Babe - all the way to the bank! (Source: topgear.com)

HOLY TICKET FIXING SCHEMES BATMAN!

SHEISA!

Had originally planned to post this upon 9/11 in honour of No Fenders 6^th birthday; BUTT! Got distracted instead... Yet, now Y’all will know how my dig towards Governor Perry ties in, eh?

WOW! Now I know how that woman felt in Nantucket when Jay Penske PISSED ALL OVER her boots! As I just had the personal experience of having Bernie the Malevolent PISS ALL OVER ME! And he did it from afar - not to mention he didn’t even haveda unzip his fly ‘N get his hands dirty ‘cause he had somebody else do it for him...

Perhaps you’re wunderin’ what this latest Tomaso tirade is all about? ‘Whale it involves the sport I once so dearly ‘LUV’ed, thee pinnacle ‘O motorsport known as Formula 1. As I’ve just been severely HOSED by the fine folks at COTA, which I’ve been awaiting traveling to ever since the announcement was made that they’d dropped trow, bent over and Err, gladly paid Uncle Bernaughty Thursday for a  Formula One race today...

And thus, with all of the nefarious polemics cast upon his willing subjects; will there, won’t there be a Grand Prix in Austin, as perhaps Y’all recall Mr. Bernard Ecclestone cheekily telling SPEED’s whipping boy Willy Buxom (Will Buxton) that Austin only needed two things to get its race: “A Pen and Money!”

Its been this type of BULLSHIT that led me to delay my acquisition of airplane & race tickets - which I did in the wrong order and henceforth made a Gynormous mistake - to which I believe ‘Meesh would then type  the letters FML!

Having already purchased my Aeroplane ticket and not opting for travel in$urance, which I doubt I could have cancelled anyways - just to skip goin’ to Austin ‘cause I didn’t wanna pay the Pied Piper - I decided I’d better finally get around to securing my F1 race tickets, right? Which surely there’d be plenty ‘O those 3-day $160 General Admission tickets available - especially nearly three months ahead of time, right?

Thus I placed a call Monday afternoon (Aug 27) directly to the Circuit Of The Americas (COTA) and told the friendly female voice answering my call I wished to purchase tickets for the forthcoming USGP. Very good Sir, what typed of tickets were you looking for? Two GA tickets please... Oh, I’m sorry Sir, ALL of our General Admission  seats were sold out three weeks ago, and our bleacher seats sold out one week ago; WTF? You’ve gotta be kidding, right? NO Sir, but we’ve still got plenty ‘O Premium Seats available... Sigh, how much are those? Oh, we’ve got plenty of good seats starting at $400, along with $553 and $800 seats available... FUCK! What do I do if I’ve already purchased an Aeroplane ticket and don’t wanna spend that much? You could try the secondary market, i.e.; Ticket City, Craig’s List or Ebay, but those might be going for the same $400 price... SHEISA-SHEISA-SHEISA!!!

Being so dumbfounded over this discovery - I simply hung-up and called my Austin, Texas connection instead... As I’m overly leery of secondary markets for F1 tickets right now after having just read about countless fans being SCREWED over by an English ticket seller for the British GP...

‘Whale, did Yuhs tell ‘em you’re BLIND! The voice on the other end of the telephone asked? NO! I was so shocked that I couldn’t even think of this response. Well you’d better call ‘em back & see what they say... Right, I’ll get on that pronto...

So I called COTA again and got a different salesperson - naturally, who I said I was trying to buy tickets for the USGP and I’m legally blind and am looking for two seats, one for Mwah and an accompany ant. Yes, we have ADA seats available. He really threw the word ADA around 3-times, as in Americans with Disabilities Act; SMOOTH! (SEE why I feel like somebody was PISSING on me, eh?)

I’ve got two Sir in Section 15 Row 36; BUTT! My only problem Sir is; I don’t know if those are $400 or $800 seats since the “Premium;” can you say PREMIERE! $800 seating starts at Row-35...

Uhm, you’ve gotta absolutely be joking right? Handicap seating at $800-a-pop; WTF??? You mean it’s the Handicapped person’s fault you don’t have enough accommodations that DON’T cost $800 per-seat? Is there somebody else I can speak to about this? One moment Sir...

Otay, I just talked to our VP of Marketing; he says you can pay $400 per seat and we’ll just stick you somewhere else we can accommodate you in for wheelchair seating...

Look, I’m legally blind - I DON’T use a wheelchair but do need accommodating... Well in that case Sir, my best recommendation would be to purchase two of our $400 “Premium” seats which feature better viewing. These seats do have extended legroom, feature seat backs and drink holders; URGH! (Otay, so I made the cup holders reference up, but you get the point...)

Thus, whimpering spreadin’ my cheeks ‘N taking it up my derriere... I reluctantly said ok, go ahead, what’s your best $400 seats remaining; two please. Very well Sir, I’ve booked your two seats for $800 and there’s a $20 processing fee... BLEEP! Does that include shipping? Yes Sir, we’ll be happy to mail them to you, should I proceed?

Thus having completed this transaction, I hung up the phone and felt absolutely GUTTED! Noting-to-self I haven’t felt that SICK to my stomach since riding the bus to the wrong Transit Centre and potentially being STRANDED by depositing myself at a bus stop where there’s  NO-longer any connections home...

Therefore, I spent the next few hours feeling totally ASHEN FACED afterwards... As the thoughts that pinballed thru my cranium were absolutely nauseating... Thinking back to having just read some witty repartee over P.T. Barnum’s death; you know the due that said: “There’s A Sucker born Every Minute!” As a whole different universe flashed in front of my face...

Thinking how I’d forgone seeing my numero uno rock band RUSh at Key Arena this November over riding two Aeroplanes to Austin instead on the very day of the concert!

As seriously folks; I find it majorly DISGUSTING that COTA (or any other circuit promoter) would be so fiendish to charge a disabled person $400 to sit in a plastic chair, or even better yet a wheelchair - not to mention being unable to even tell said person where his seating location would be...

And for years I’ve been trying to figure out why Indianans’ are so harsh towards Formula 1? As I always thought it was simply something against Foreigner’s... As I’ve spent many moments yelling at thee Confuzer when hearing Kevin Lee & Curt Cavin mention COTA’s impending implosion, along with other sarcasm over the race never bearing fruition. And I’m not so naive to NOT know just how much of a piranha Messer Ecclestone is; BUTT! MOTHER FUCKER! I never, ever in a million years thought I’d be saying Good-on-Ya Mate! (Tony George) Aye Karumba! As I now today applaud George’s decision to not be taken hostage by Bernie and F1 when trying to negotiate an extension for the USGP at Indianapolis...

And I’ve been an Aficionado of Formula One racing for over 25-years now, and can hear these words ringing LOUDLY in my ears... After having recently listened to F1 hopeful Connor Daily on autosport Radio belaboring the necessity of an American in Formula 1 to get the states interested in the sport - I’m afraid to say Connor, you’re wrong! Since gouging the SHIT out of the potential fan base is NOT how you grow an audience... HELL! Even Tony got that aspect right by charging unbelievably REASONABLE prices for Grand Prix tickets, as in $10-Friday practice; $15-Saturday Qualifying and $85-Raceday seats, which is what I shelled out to sit in Turn-2 this year at Indy...

But as Connor also noted on Autosport Radio, when he told some of the Force India F1 boyz he was going home for vacation during early August, one Force India personnel quickly shot back you Are home... As in you’d better make Europe home mentally or you’ll NEVER succeed in F1 boy!

And part of my insistence to attend this year’s Grand Prix is since it’s an inaugural event, which I haven’t participated in since Phoenix, 1989’s Iceberg GP. As I’m laughing myself silly thinking how much blather has been wasted upon Eddie “Duh Goose” Gossage threatening to pull his IndyCar race if there’s a race in Houston and Austin...

As I’d now agree with Kevin & Cavin its only a matter of time until Formula One prices itself out of the Lone Star state, as surely Gossage doesn’t have anything to worry about while I’m guessing Red McCombs is betting he can get his money back before the fans turn their back over the exorbitant prices, eh?

As I’ve been fortunate enough to experience the splendor of F1 in Italy, Germany, Japan, England and Australia. Not to mention having attended the USGP four times previously; twice in Phoenix and twice at Indy.

And I still have Spa and Circuit gilles Villeneuve on my mythical “bucket-list,” precariously clinging to dreams of visiting the Arden forest one day along with Eau Rouge at thee mighty Spa-francorchamps; BUTT! I don’t believe I can consciously support the money-grubbing efforts of Bernie Ecclestone any further!

As I know he DOESN’T give a SHIT about a little piss-ant two-bit F1 Aficionado - to the point that I’ve spent the past six-years (Tuesday, Sept 11) pouring my heart ‘N soul into scribbling ‘bout I-T on Zed Internetz upon my ‘lil BLOB thingy; BUTT! Enough-is-Enough! As I’m seriously contemplating NEVER buying a single piece of  Formula 1 merchandise  again; as in the day Uncle Bernaughty finally cooked my goose - and to think I’ve been wanting to put my Formula 1 Diecast collection into some primo display cases for several years now; FUCk! Don’t even wanna contemplate how many thousands I’ve spent on it ALL! As may be? I should just focus upon IndyCar from now on...

As I was truly so DISGUSTED with the BAD taste left in my mouth that I decided to skip recording my favourite racetrack’s event - Spa and set the recorder for the Baltimore Indy Car Series weekend instead!

Thus, it seems somewhat symbiotic that the very person I mentioned at the top of the story just attended his debutant IndyCar race and was thoroughly BLOWN AWAY! Most notably by the friendliness and accessibility given to the Fans - noting INDYCAR GETS IT! And that doesn’t even include how the series isn’t RAPING its Fans over ticket prices...

California Dreamin’ Initial impressions

No Fenders B-DAY: And Thee Number is Six!

The ‘Legendous ‘R (Robin Miller) Arm-wrassles with The ‘CandyMann (Randy Bernard) over a priceless limited 1^st edition No Fenders T-Shirt...

As in Six is thy number, thee number shall not be three; Three is thy number, four shall not be before six, as thee number five will NOT be before three; Oh Never Mind! As I dunno why? Actually I do - as after all, having just listened to my very first ever Monty Python movie this August in Lord Stanley’s house; Err Stanley Park... I cannot help myself but try to do a very poor impersonation ‘O thy Holy Grail’s counting, eh?

And sorry if you’re looking for some sorta riveting review of the post-Baltimore GP Indy Carz race here... As instead, your humble No Fenders scribe Tomaso has decided to once again trumpet his own horn by announcing; tuh-duh! The sixth birthday of his fascinatingly riveting racing ‘BLOB! Which ironically was launched this very day six years ago! And totally by spontaneous combustion - with NO attempt of being Oh, So Clever and launching it upon that very STUPID day called Nine-eleven; when the Walls came Uh Crashin’ Down!

As SO many Uh thoughts came Uh Crashin’ thru when I began scribblin’ my contorted thoughts yesterday - as ‘Juan ‘O Seattle’s Baddest Grunge Bands blared upon my Golden Oldies station: Alice In Chains song Heaven Beside You - approprietly the lyrics “Do What You wanna Do; Be Who you wanna Be!; Heaven Beside You - HELL WITHIN!” Were playing in the background when I began my typi8n’ Hya! As I thought I’d leave those nucee-bashes in the story, eh? As after all, I was part of the much forgotten UOWWBA (United Open World Word Butchers Association) brigade all those years ago...

And as I scrambled to reconnect to prior Birthday tidings posts - another very timely song played in the background: Kansas’s we’re ALL Just Dust in the Wind! (Including your humble scribe, eh?)

And without further ado, here goes a very brief look back upon the previous five years B-Day No Fenders Salutations - as this past year seems largely unforgettable, mostly due to the further loss of vision and continuous haranguing of Zoomtext’s ABOMINATION called  10.0 - which has made my daily co-existence upon Zed Internetz, Outlook Express and microSOFT’s Word ’03 extremely FUTILE!!! F$$KING CONFUZER PROGRAMMERS!

And although story No. 1 a half dozen years ago was actually:  Klien Rejects Red Bull Offer... I like to think of my ‘BLOB as ‘Auntie Harriet named it all those years ago - actually started most Karmically with: Red bull Really Does Give You Wings! A nod to a precocious 19yr-old teenager named Sebastian Vettel... Who’s long since become known here at No Fenders as Master ‘Zebb...

2006-07: Year-1

Yeah, Y’all ready know what’s coming... As in how many of you can remember what you were doing six-years ago? Not to mention 5yrs ago? As I’ve just re-read or if I was ‘fornetically speelin I-T for ‘Lucy’s sake; nee my much ess-STEAMED! Screen Reader’s name thanxs to Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen... OH SHIT! I’ve lost thee point here; ahem? A senior moment? Oh Yeah, I’d haveda speeled it re-red it, not to be cornfuzed with retread which I kept typing by accident...

Speeding outta duh gates from Sept 11 to Dec 31, 2006 my story logs indicate that 106-posts were launched into thy either in the beginning of No Fenders duration upon Zed Internetz... With such story titles as: MAC” Montoya; New Champ Car events for 2007; Sayanora Suzuka; Champ Car Driver Roulette; Schumacher’s Last Dance; Spin ‘N Win? Il Wurld der Schuey; Zanardi’s Return; Gascoyne’s Gardening Leave; Spyker’s Smooth Moves; No More Imola; What Merger? MAC Miami; Disco JV; Motormouths; Champ Cars New TV Package; Mika takes the Fifth; Zanardi drives BMW; Jense” Cracks Up; New Champ Car; Speed/Fox land F1 TV Deal; RuSPORT Sold; Champ cars Next Star? Da Matta Vows Return; Mika’s Maladies; Champ Car visits China; Bourdais gets F1 Test; Marco gets Honda Christmas present; Code Blue; Todt advises Kimi on Drinking; Al Unser Sr. Acquitted; Berger’s Motivational Techniques; Stoddart purchases CTE/HVM; Chassis Cloning; Vegas gets Title Sponsor; McLaren’s newest Golden Boy; Grand Prix (The Movie) Police trouble in Unser Case; Champ Car sends Devoted Fan Fuming...

And its even harder to believe that a further half-dozen years prior to thee launching of this Award Winning website; Hya! I was hangin’ out in Modena, Italy NO LESS! With some kOOL Cat named Phil Hill along with attending the Italian Grand Prix!

Yet undoubtedly my Nunero Uno memory and cherished event from Year No. 1 would haveda be riding aboard the Synden Racing 2X Seater ‘Beast with Davey ‘STUD! Hamilton as my affable chauffer!

Brickyard Flyer

2007-08: Year-2

Another Year Zoom-Zooms by with another fairly short B-Day message thanking my loyal subjects; Err contributors... Most notably Blogmeister Miguel and Artiste Dave, along with my three amigos - original bureau chiefs: Arizona’s ‘Snowbyrd MJ, Indiana’s Daniel Banes Cooper and Tacoma’s Mary Ellen plus ‘Offical No Fenders Photographer ‘CARPETS and Cub Shutterbug Alex; not to mention No Fenders #1 Fan ‘auntie Harriet!  

As year two was somewhat typical of your Sophomore Slump - especially after trying to outdo the marvelous adventure of cruising Mother Speedway in the Indy Racing Experience’s two seater...

2008-09: Year-3

Absolutely the Highlight of Year-3 would haveda be my debutant Indy 500 race outing, having decided what better year to begin what now appears to be a yearly tradition - by beginning with Centennial No. 1, the year of the Speedway’s unveiling, eh? And making the trip even more memorable was being part of IMS’s inaugural Blogger Brigade - having been granted access into the vaunted Indianapolis Motor speedway’s Media Centre; along with getting to hang out with My Name’s IRL famous scribe Mr. Innucci...

Then May was followed up by getting to do my most cherished No Fenders version of thy ‘Double; Indy and an accompanying Formula 1 race, with this year’s venue being BLOODY ‘Ol Silverstone... So obviously (SNAP! Take that Graham Rahal; Hya! Nice ‘Juan Jeffie...) that was a pretty good year, eh?

Surviving Indy (L1-50)

2009-10: Year-4

Sadly, this was the year of remembering ‘Ol Salt Seaman 1^st Class Marc of Full Throttle who unexpectedly passed away... As Marc was one of my fellow bloggers - along with being a supporter of No Fenders - with his quick ‘N dry wit, never cutting me too much slack, but in a good way... As Marc made me laugh on a continual basis with his daily scribblings - most notably his continuous zinging of Thy ‘Littlest Curve, aka MAD Max Mosley; whiles 2010 also saw the demise of the “Legendous” My Name is IRL IndyCar blog - along with Linksheaven... Alas, why does two years ago seem such a long ways away, eh?

Yet the year wasn’t a total bust, as I attended my inaugural Moto GP race at the Speedway, making it my Centennial “Sandy-wich,” which once again came complete with IMS Media Credential!

MOTO GP: 2010 Indianapolis Race Outing

Tomaso unexpectedly “Primps” for the camera with legendary ‘RASSCAR driver Danica Patrick just minutes prior to the 2011 I500 Victory Banquet  in Downtown Indiana...

2010-11: Year-5

Being the tenth anniversary of I dunno, whatever, right? I tend to associate the farcical Nine-eleven Day a different way, since it was the year of Mary Ellen driving me Coast-to-Coast in ‘Ol Blue, her trusty 1978 Ford Econoliner Camper-van from Seattle to Indiana for my debutant visit to Mother Speedway for that year’s USGP - on a glorious 17-days MadCap camping safari with some Formula 1 sprinkled into the mix!

Fast forward ten-years and I scribbled my fleeting memories about El Zorro’s (Alex Zanardi) fateful day a decade earlier along with attending my second Indy 500, i.e.; Centennial 2.0... Not to mention having been stiffed by Crash Gladys of Speed Freaks at IMS; No Fenders shutterbug ‘CARPETS set me up royally as I’d have a surprise of epic proportions played amongst Mwah - when having my mug shot snapped with Mrs. “blue Dress,” aka thee ‘Juan, the ONLY Danica! And thus I tried doing a different take upon my yearly B-Day salutations instead, featured in;

Birthday No. 5: No Fenders joins the Kindergarden Brigade...

2011-12: Year-6

The last year seems somewhat like a blur - with the shifting of seasons, or is it the tide? Y’all may have noticed my more infrequent NON-racing scribblings which have now become denoted as The Tomaso Files... As I’d definitely haveda say that the top two highlights so far have been a 3-lap 2X Seater ride at Phoenix INt’l Raceway’s 1.0-mile ‘Bullring Ovaltrack aboard the Richard Petty Driving Experience mount - which I’m still awaiting the photos; which reportedly Artiste Dave has just finally copied onto a disc for Mwah!

Then another memorable Indy 500 outing courtesy of ‘CARPETS ‘N Duh ‘KuhNucks... Even if it was DAMN HOT this year, eh? Baking in Turn-2 whilst sitting completely surrounded by fans on shiny silver metal bleachers with Dave Calabro announcing we’d broken the 1937 HEAT record that day - with a HEAT index of  100deg-f; SHEISA!

And for a No Fenders Nightcap, I’ll attend this year’s inaugural Austin F1 race, which is another story I’m sitting upon... Let’s just say I wasn’t exactly thrilled to see Texas Governor Rick “Good Hair” Perry playing all ‘Squeaky-clean with SPEED’s Willie Buxom on the Monza grid! Hmm? Perhaps that’s where part of my tickets proceeds went too?

 Lastly; to ALL of ‘Uze loyal readers ‘N followers of No Fenders...

THANK YOU!

AUTOS: Vintage Indy Cars invade LeMay museo (Conclusion)

Authors note: Upon trying to load this Gargantuan 7-page 2,500-plus words story plus the associated pictures onto blogger.com via Zed Internetz - the HERCULIAN ‘Mega-bite, or was it Mega-pixels? Simply made my tired ‘Ol Confuzer “TIME OUT!” Hence I split the second part of the story into two half’s (approx) in hopes of being able to upload I-T after having nearly posted it the first time; URGH!

1938 Gulf- Miller rear engine Tucker Special, No. 12. (Source: conceptcarz.com)

5) 1938 dark blue Gulf-Miller Tucker Special, No. 12.

Notes: All-wheel drive rear engine 6-cylinder.

Surprisingly, this turned out to be my numero uno favourite of the collection - instead of and ahead of the vaunted Lotus 56 turbine...

As I mused to Mary Ellen how ‘kOOL it was to be actually seeing something live and in person after having only previously read about it in books; as I’ve been lightly aware of this chassis ever since purchasing my trove ‘O Miller related books during the writing of my epic Blue Crown Spark Plug Specials tome - now some three-years ago, albeit I must confess I only learned of its existence through the published works of Donald Davidson...

Blue Crown Spark Plug Specials Saga

And the more I stared at this mesmerizing dark blue chassis, the more I conjured up images of those all conquering Auto Unions and Silver Arrows, as shockingly, this was actually the first rear engine car to race at Mother Speedway - preceding ‘Ol ‘Blackjack’s (Sir Jack Brabham) 1961 Cooper-Climax by twenty-two years!

And although it wasn’t the first rear engine chassis to drive upon the fabled bricks, this having been done by Lee Oldfield (NO relation to Barney Oldfield) in 1937, the ’38 Gulf-Miller would also fail to qualify during its debutant year before making the race as the lone Gulf-Miller entry in 1939.

What struck me most about this car, beside its diminutive size, was what truly appears to be a very upright British all arms ‘N elbows driving position - as even the nose looks quite bulbous to Mwah, while the engine is covered by a shiny (chrome?) silver louvered panel, presumably on each side? As all of the cars were parked with their right-hand sides against the museo’s wall; as I’d enjoy knowing a little bit more about this chassis’s individual history - since its pontoon gas tanks design ultimately led to two Gulf-Millers catching on fire during the latter race prior to World War II...

6) 1948 Kurtis Roadster, No. 98: Grant Piston Racing Special.  (J.C. Agajanian)

Notes: 270cid (Cubic Inches) Offenhauser engine; 300+ horsepower. 134.343 mph = “A New Track Record!”  (1950)

Although the importance of this car is not lost upon me, as it was the Kurtis Roadsters which not only defeated the Blue Crown Spark Plug Specials in their quest to ‘Four-peat, they quickly became the dominant chassis of the early 1950’s before the Watson Roadsters dethroned them.

Yet I seem to recall finding this to be the least attractive chassis of the entire SpeedZone Armada; Hmm? Perhaps this is a visual thingy a la Geo Phillips comments towards not liking Jerry Grant’s Mystery Eagle, which I myself enjoy; but there was just something unappealing about the ‘Aggy -owned mounts colour scheme...

Jim Rathman’s 1960 No. 4 Ken-Paul Watson/Offy on the center stage at IMS Hall of Fame - 2011. (DOB)

7) 1959 Watson Roadster Leader Card Special, No. 5 (winner)

Notes: Fuel injection. (Hillborn) 252cid ‘OFFY; top speed 180mph.

I think this car was either all or predominantly white... As unlike the previous Kurtis Roadster in front of it, and not having been a fan of Roadsters typically; that all changed back in 2011 when I found Jim Rathman’s 1960 Indy 500 winner to be stunningly beautiful in its “Winter Blue” paint hue - and rightly deserving its place of honour on the Hall of Fame’s museuo entrance where the Marmon Wasp had always resided until then.

Thus I found Ward’s ’59 Watson Roadster to be intoxicating and extremely alluring with its stance that immediately made  me think of my favourite 1950’s Formula 1 racecar, the awesome Maserati 250F that Juan  Manuel Fangio so brilliantly drove to his fifth world championship...

The Leader Cards Roadster just simply looks all business; hunkered down with no wasting of space with its swooping black side exhaust pipe continuing the flow of this gracefully chiseled race car - making it easy to understand how it was a winner at Indy! As I’m guessing this is also possibly the same chassis that Ward campaigned the following year in his epic duel with Rathman before settling for a disappointing runner-up finish...

8) 1964 Hurst Floor Shift Special. (Smokey Yunick)

Notes: Unique Offset “Tandem” design powered by the ubiquitous 4-cylinder ‘OFFY and driven by NASCAR driver Bobby Johns who hit the wall during practice and failed to qualify. Engine inlet pipes above driver’s head who sits in small sidecar bucket...

This is the car that started my whole pursuit in search of thee “Holy Grail” of going to the museum ASAP! Having read about it somewhere - as it seems so long ago now that I first discovered this car was coming to Tacoma, as the fabulous IMS Hall of Fame ‘Loaners traveled the furthest in order to grace the museum’s ramps...

Not really sure what I can say about this car other than its utterly bizarre! Yet at the same time it’s pretty neat too, although I had a hard time noticing all of its oddities...

As noted, this was just one of the countless creations from the genius of Smokey Yunick, who I believe had a sign declaring his shop was the best Damn ‘lil garage in all of America! (Or something to that effect...)

Not exactly sure of the thinking behind its radical tandem layout which housed the driver in a tiny motorcycle-like sidecar with some wonky pipes above the roll bar; as perhaps this unconventional layout was in attempt to pair overall weight? As I enjoyed being able to view what appeared to be a very offset front suspension piece while the engine side of the car was obscured by the museo’s wall...

And the driver was the somewhat unheralded NASCAR driver Bobby Johns - who smacked the wall during practice/qualifying and failed to qualify this oddity in what was his debutant year at Mother Speedway. But Johns would return the following year as the most unlikely teammate to thee Flying Scot, aka Jimmy Clark at team Lotus - starting adrift of the midpack in P22, yet finishing a respectable seventh, albeit 3-laps behind...

Bobby Johns Profile

Joe Leonard’s 1968 Pole-winning No. 60 Lotus-turbine at the Hall of Fame museo - 2012. (DOB)

 9) 1968 ‘Dayglow orange Lotus 56 Turbine, No. 70. (Graham Hill)

Having seen this most beautiful car once before at its rightful home - the IMS Hall of Fame museum, where I’d also seen its predecessor - the original 1967 Granatelli “Silent Sam” or “Wooshmobile;” I’ve decided that this is my Numero Uno all time favourite IndyCar - as I’ve even got its corresponding Carousel 1:18 Diecast replica...

and thanxs to the museo’s display, I could actually get far closer up to the side of this beauty than before, even marveling how I could actually see the Annulus Intake area, i.e.; turbine inlet (L/H side) on my second visit - as I notice more each time I study this car...

Yet thanxs solely to my CRAPY eyesight - on the first visit the lighting appeared such that it wasn’t Day-glow orange, but instead a muted bleak flat yellow; Aye Karumba! As while studying its chopped off hind quarters, specifically the muted integral tail wing flap - I mused how different it seemed to be looking at a fleet of racecars devoid of today’s requisite front and rear wings, not to mention sidepods...

Thus its funny thinking I’d just seen its ‘Seester-car, the No. 60 Pole winner driven by Joe Leonard at Indy’s Hall of Fame museum this May - as its impressive to think that they’ve got two of the original chassis, as I can only guess upon the other two, albeit I did read that one was sold off to ‘Rufus Parnelli Jones the following season.

Yet, as beautiful as I find this chassis to be, and it’ll remain my number one choice, I haveda say I was more intrigued by the Tucker Special, as I just found myself gravitating back to that splendid dark blue chassis - thinking it’s a pretty damn good day to be taking a phone call whilst standing in front of I-T!

And my only disappointment with this most excellante grouping is the fact that there weren’t any current-spec chassis  on hand, as I know that I saw one of the beautiful deep metallic blue early 1990’s Hemelgarn-cosworth chassis during a past visit to the LeMay ex-Maramont Military Academy  retreat, in Spanaway, WA.

As it’d been nice  to be able to visually see how much the Indy Car has progressed since the late 1960’s - as none of these wonderful racing cars sported today’s requisite sidepod’s which became de riggour beginning in the early 1970’s...

Top-3 Selections

Gold: 1939 Gulf-Miller Tucker Special.

Silver: 1968 Lotus 56

Bronze: 1959 Watson Indy Roadster.

(DOB - Photos courtesy of No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer ‘CARPETS)

AUTOS: Vintage Indy Cars invade LeMay museo...

Entering the museum, upon purchasing said Family membership and having our wrists donned with the day’s colour wristband, and wishing to head straight to the Indy Cars,

Mary Ellen spotted the ubiquitous “IndyCar” mounted on the wall above us - as one local-yocal scribe who apparently isn’t a ‘RevHead called it. As actually I think its one of the Team USA’s A1 GP chassis driven over the years (2005-09) by the likes of: Marco Andretti, Phil Geebler, (who I just met at this year’s Indy Legends Day who signed my program ‘O7 Indy ROY!) Bryan Herta, J.R. Hildebrand, Charlie Kimball, Ryan Hunter-Reay, Buddy Rice, Scott Speed and Jonathan Ssummerton

Although perhaps it is an IndyCar? As Mary Ellen said she liked its “We The People” livery - it was a very pretty chassis and I believe she also said it sat on used rubber... As original A1 Team USA owner Rick Weidinger took the We-the-People livery to the 90^th running of the Indy 500 in 2006 with arguably one of ‘lil al’s worst outings, albeit I recall an even shakier performance in A.J. Foyt’s second racecar... As recall when Al Unser Jr. was actually racing Indy Cars instead of racing Suburban’s on Albuquerque’s highways? But I digress...

Thus, it was hilarious how on the following day when asking to go look at this car once again, I was startled to notice I hadn’t even seen the AWESOME gold with black twin stripes Ford GT parked just in front of it; YIKES! As the Ford GT is surely one of the BADDEST Supercars, eh?

But where are those stinkin’ IndyCarz you say...

Smokey Yunick’s 1964 HurstFloorShiftSpecial driven by Bobby Johns in 1964. (Source: legendsofnascar.com)

LeMay SpeedZone

IMS Hall of Fame museum “loaners”

(Notes taken upon initial visit July 2, 2012):

NOTE

Cars in order of viewing; all chassis are Front Engine Single Seater’s unless noted - which was en vogue at the Speedway until 1963 when Team Lotuses Jimmy Clark finished a controversial runner-up to Parnelli Jones in ‘Ol Calhoon, as the era of the front engine was about to be truly extinguished in the coming years...

1) 1925 blue Miller Junior 8 Special, No. 1.

Although the Miller’s were before my time, they seem to take  on more significance the old-ER I get, as they represent what many call the “golden Age” of motor racing and for me signify the start of the truly significant Indianapolis era, as Harry Miller’s creations are truly beautiful... And without Miller and his Merry-men, most notably Fred Offenhauser - we wouldn’t have had what became the most dominant winning engine of Mother Speedway, as I highly doubt ‘OFFY’s total number of victories will be surpassed anytime soon...

2) 1930 Miller HiSpeed Special. (Two Seater/Riding Mechanic) 

As many will be quick to point out, the inaugural Indy 500 was won by Ray Haroun solo aboard the Marmon Wasp with what is considered the advent of the rear view mirror, as the task of spotting opponents was traditionally held by the Riding Mechanic - which the rest of the 1911 Indianapolis 500 field was comprised of. For the following year, Riding Mechanics were made mandatory for all events over 100-miles and remained in force thru 1922 before becoming optional in ’23 with no takers during the years 1924-29.

For 1930, the beginning of the “Junk Era,” Riding Mechanics were once again mandated and remained en force ‘til ’37, before once again becoming optional in 1938 and never utilized once again...

Thus, this two-seater Miller example seemed slightly out of place amongst the rest of its single seater brethren, albeit another quite beautiful example of the Miller Cars concern, as it’d be interesting to know what engine it carried, not to mention if it was of all new design or simply having its bodywork massaged in order to accommodate the second seat.

And it’s funny that whilst trying to learn the brief history of the Riding Mechanic - a picture of Jimmy Murphy and his “bosom-buddy” (Riding Mechanic) at Tacoma Speedway from 1922 keeps popping up. As reportedly Murphy himself, an eventual Indy 500 winner in 1922 cut his racing teeth as a Riding Mechanic initially, albeit not aboard this car - which ironically is the only vehicle I don’t seem to have a car number for and hence, I’m guessing another museum visit is in order...

Indy 500 era ends as riding mechanic Kennelly dies at 97

3) 1931 Cummins Diesel Special, No. 8. (Two Seater/Riding Mechanic) 

Notes: Non-stop record. (No Stops) Gas tanks in back. (White)

As I scribbled before - I thought I’d seen this chassis at Indy this May; BUTT! It was its older ‘Seester car instead... As this particular Cummins Diesel Special was the very first car ever  to complete the Indy 500 non-stop, running the entire 500-miles on a single tank of diesel fuel, albeit not the fastest car in the race, as unheralded driver Dave Evans qualified 17^th with a speed of 96.870mph and soldiered home 13^th in the race...

1931 Dusenberg Cummins Diesel Indy Racer

4) 1940 yellow Sampson 16 Special, No. 32.

Notes: 16-cylinder motor: Two engines side-by-side; “V” with common crankcase.

This car is starting to ‘PEAK my curiosity, as I’d assumed that it must have been two Miller “Straight-8’s” joined at the hip in order to create this unique 16-cylinder engine... Yet purusing Zed Internetz I became slightly Cornfuzed, as I stumbled upon a one 1930 Sampson Miller U-16 up for auction; Hmm? As Mary Ellen wrote down that it was a vee-configuration, whilst I’d never heard of this particular U-16 chassis...

Apparently Sampson reluctantly went into the racecar chassis business in 1930 during the “Junk Era,” and built the first of his 16-cylinder motivated racing cars, while the chassis on display is the second updated version of this powerplant configuration - which its motor holds an interesting footnote in history, which I’ll try scribbling ‘bout later in another story... But for you Indy Diehards like Geo. Phillip’s I’ll give you a hint; think Frank Lockhart!

And I spent many minutes admiring this yellow car which was quite alluring and the more I ponder I-T! The more I wish I could see that amazing V-16 engine...

To read the conclusion of this story; Cars 5-9, see; AUTOS: Vintage Indy Cars invade LeMay museo (Conclusion)