Monday, March 7, 2022

Round ‘N Round they go Crash!

Unless we’re in another overly elongated Commercial Break! Or having some Female Racecar Driver soliciting Y’all to text Hash-tag something-ruther to may be win something, or get Yuhs to Bet upon something…


The Gurr-Reat Americun’ Race held it’s 64th running Sunday, February 20th with it’s vaunted Next Gen racecar.


As it’s an Brand New “Clean Sheet” racing car sporting a Carbon Fibre body with 18-inch BBS forged aluminum center locking wheels. Five speed sequential Gearbox, Transaxle transmission with independent Rear suspension. Plus a new Rack and Pinion Steering rack for All of the extra Road Courses RASSCAR’ now frequents; Hmm, going a bit IndyCar style road racing here? Along with it’s previous update to fuel injection, Zoinks! Mimicking today’s modern Street Cars, Aye Karumba!


Although trying to correctly put those new wheels on in a Hurry on Pitlane proved Daunting for two teams who effectively lost wheels on the racetrack! With one team’s Crew Chief being Banned for the next four races; presumably for an “Unsafe” Car release?


Yeah, I’ll admit I was Desperate for some racing action, since Thar always feels a void this time of year, when we’re All ah-Waitin’ “Breathlessly” for Indy Cars to finally rev up their motors after Thar typically El Stupidio six, or is it seven? Months Gory Off Season, Crap! Before typically starting the season the first weekend of March…


Alas, it was somewhat perfectly timed, albeit 5PM Pacific here on the West Coast, for Uhm, almost wrote Soothing ambiance when eating Dinner…


Hence, I elected to turn on Thy Telie’ two nights in-a-row, beginning with the Wednesday evening’s Qualifying session, which Ahem IndyCar! If you’re blind like this veritable Open Wheel Racing Fan is; was easily accessible on Good ‘Ol Fashion Terrestrial TV! No Fuss, No Muss, and definitely No Scrolling, Hunting ‘N Pecking for some itsy bitsy teeny weeny colour coded box Onscreen! Nope, just two buttons on the Good ‘Ol TV Remote, i.e.; Power and Channel, Can You Hear Me Now IndyCar!


Since I was primarily curious how Jack Vanilla’, aka Jacques Villeneuve, at 50 years Old could make ”The Show” on Speed alone? Which fortunately He did as the Fastest of the six “Open Teams,” i.e.; Non charter Teams, since if I recall correctly, Jacques had a throttle cable issue during the following night’s Dual race.


Wasn’t intending on Dropping into those Made for TV Dual Sprint Qualie’ races, Barf! But then again, as long as it Doesn’t give me indigestion, Why Not?


So I tuned-in at the end of Dual No. 1 and heard Mike Joy saying something about Bad Brad Keselowski in the Roush Fenway Keselowski (RFK) Racing’s No. 6 is first time that car number’s won a Daytona Dual since Pete Hamilton in 1971, Huh?


Initially when I heard Messer Joy reciting this factoid, and hearing the name Pete Hamilton, I thought of that other Bad Arse Roush Racing Driver Pete What’s His Name? Since I could clearly see that Nasty, Bad Arse bright red Whistler Radars Detector sponsored IMSA Mercury Cougar GTO Roush Racing car he drove! )Which I’ve still got a “Hero” Card of tucked away somewheres’) Not to mention an equally Nasty lookin’ black Me Thinks? Strohs Beer IMSA Mercury Cougar GTO racecar…


As I sat Thar Scratchin ‘N Scratchin Thy Noggin’, before the words Pete Halsmer finally flashed upon Thy radar screen!


As Halsmer was a Bad Arse racing driver who I always forget was a Helicopter pilot in Vietnam before taking up racing professionally! And I tend to believe He’s the first driver in Jack Roush’s illustrious racing stable who truly caught my Attenzione, not to mention those Narly IMSA Mercury Cougar GTO racecars! Which after all were representing that Blue Oval brand…


Although I’ve also always had a “soft Spot” for those Killer looking Merkur XR4ti racecars that Scotty Scooter’ Pruett (and Halsmer) so brilliantly drove for the “Cat in The Hat!”


It also was the Golden Anniversary of ‘Ol superTex’s Day-toner’ 500 victory for the Wood Brothers. Y’all remember when A.J. Foyt won the 1972 Day-Toner’ 500, becoming the second of three IndyCar drivers to win the storied Daytona 500.



With the current famed No. 21 Wood Brothers car running with Gold Car numbers in deference to Foyt’s win and retro Throwback “Paint” scheme…


As the Wood Brothers have won the Daytona 500 five times, beginning in 1963 with Tiny Lund, giving ford it’s maiden Daytona 500 victory. Then in 1968 with Cale Yarborough. Followed by Foyt’s ’72 win. Then the “Silver Fox,” aka David Pearson won in 1976, the latter three in Mercury’s. Before it’s most recent W’, a Shock 2011 win with Trevor Baine behind the wheel of a “Ford,” the race’s youngest ever winner at just 20 years old!


But if you Tuned-in for the race like I did, albeit waiting ‘til High Noon here out West in order to miss the majority of the 36mins Pre-race festivities, then Y’all know that young Harrison Burton, son of former No. 99 Excide Batteries Roush Racing NASCAR Driver Jeff burton, Uhm, that’s a mouthful, Eh?


Yuhs know that Harrison went for a Wild ‘n Wooly ride when running up front, wasn’t He leading? When Keselowski decided to give him a Love-tap and Push him too Hard towards the end of Stage-1, sending the young Harrison going Upside Down and briefly landing on his roof/hood before taking Out several racecars behind Him!


As this Shove ‘em Outta Duh Way or Swoop down and throw Monster blocks upon your competition was the theme of the race, with a ridiculous 25 of the 40 Cars entered being involved in Accidents, as Racins Rubbin’ Indeedy, Yeehaw!


Prior to the final restart Mike Joy noted how Trevor Baine won the Day-Toner’ 500 in only his second Cup Start, and Mario Andretti on his seventh. While Austin Cindric was making only his eighth Cup Start, an Oh, by the way, it’s Roger Penske’s (85th) Birthday…


Are you fucking Kidding me? With the Green-White Checkers or Wreckers Flag having been thrown and cars accelerating, my P.O.S. Spectrum Cable TV magically Shuts itself off, WTF! Yet fortunately this is somewhat routine so I was able to Quickly turn the Cable Box back on again, albeit having missed one lap, Crapola!


As young Austin Cindric, who Yeah, his father’s the long serving President of Team Penske’s Tim Cindric. Threw a massive Block on Darrell Wallace Jr. to win the Daytona 500! With a fairly Dejected Wallace claiming his second runner-up finish, some scant 0.036 seconds adrift!


And now with the Day-Toner’ 500 in our rear view mirrors Tank Gawd! As I only need to “Watch,” err listen to this single RASSCR’ Wreckfest to Quickly remind me why I Detest RASSCAR so much!


I mean, don’t get me wrong, Thar All amazing drivers to be able to control a 3,400lb Taxicab Bomber wide open at 200mph alongside 39 of their competitors But! This mentality of simply taking somebody out in order to get ahead or win the race is truly Nauseating for Mwah! Especially now that IndyCar and Formula 1 are back on Thy Telie’, Yeehaw!


Oh Yeah, also winning his very first ever NASCAR race on his 358th start, was last year’s surprise Day-toner’ 500 winner Michael McDowell, who briefly was a (Champ Car) IndyCar Driver…