Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Le Deush’ Crashes It’s Programming, Again!


But should we really be surprised by Ye Magical Kingdom ‘O Walt Disney and it’s Dizzying Shopping Networks Not Caring?

Heading into Ye Christmas Break, Obviously All of the News in motor racing revolves round Romain Grosjean’s Uber Scary Accident at Bahrain, which I’ll try getting to shortly. Although we’ve sorta moved on, especially with the unforeseen Deaths of SuperMario’s Twin Brother Aldo Andretti, whom apparently succumbed to the Dreaded Corona Virus at Age 80. Whilst the passing of John Paul, Jr. at Age 60 was more of a Shocker for Mwah. But as I’ve scribbled before, Motor Racing Never Sleeps!

Now having just learned of U.E. “Pat” Patrick’s Death at Age 91. As Patrick and El Capitano’, nee Roger Penske, along with Dan gurney are credited for the formation of CART, aka Championship Auto Racing Teams in 1979 after Gurney’s famous “White Paper.” Effectively the Blueprint for the founding of CART, the forebearer of today’s IndyCar. As only Roger Penske, who’ll celebrate his 84th birthday on February 20th remains from this trio…

MILLER: JPJ Should Have been Open Wheel Racing Great

But first, especially with the soothing tranquility of No major Motor Racing occurring, with the exception of this year’s Dakar. Suppose Y’all haven’t missed my grousing over ESPN2’s Taudry, Non-caring Attitude towards playing it’s Encore Presentations Stateside when they say they will, Righto?

F1: The Night ESPN2 Double Faulted at Flushing Meadows

Case-in-Point was the Turkish Grand Prix, remember that Y’all? Wayback on November 15, 2020. As somebody at ESPN2 decided at the last moment to move ther rebroadcast forward a Half-hour, which I Didn’t get the Memo, and naturally was Cornfuzed when I turned on thy Telie’ some 15+ minutes after the top of the hour, since I was curious what was playing then? And naturally was Peeved over having missed the race’s start!

Then Adding Insult to Injury – le Deush decided that instead of chopping one of those Fly In the Night Gyro Choppers $19.99 commercials. But Wait! If you act now we’ll send you a second Glow in the Dark Heli’ for only an Additional $5.95 shipping. Wait, what’s that you say Mothers Shoe Polish lady? Gasp, Sister! We’ll return immediately to exactly where we left off? Oh Never Mind!

Ye’ ESPN2 Bastards simply chopped out the Podium interviews instead! Which was Sacrilidge, since some Bloke I call Golden Child, nee Lewis Hamilton had just clinched his sevent Formula 1 World Championship. And we Didn’t even get to hear Sir Lewis’s Ah Shucks I’m speechless podium interview BASTARDOS

Naturally, the only thing that truly matters is that Romain Grosjean survived his Horrific Crash and is Alive and Well! As hopefully his Burned Hands have recovered fully by now.

Whilst I’ll admit now, that’s it’s become a wee Bitamyte’ foggy to Mwah, since it occurred awhile ago – And I didn’t bother Scribblin’ my initial thoughts immediately afterwards.

And Obviously SNAP! Oh where Art thou Jeffie’ of One Lap Down Fame? As I’m Arse-sumin’ I’m the only one who remembers his witty repartee ‘bout when Ye Graminator’, nee Graham Rahal used the word Obviously in his vernacular incessantly, but I digress…

Thus here goes Nothing, regarding what I recall, beside le Deush’ Screwing Me once again by “Magically” changing it’s airtimes without Any Warning Bastardoes!

Having fallen victim to ESPN2 moving it’s Turkish GP encore Presentation 30mins forward the race prior, I decided sometime after 7PM Pacific to warm up Thy Telie’ and see what was playing on ESPN2 after having been urged by Florencian F1 Spotter Jeannie to make sure I watched the Bahrain Grand Prix as the start was Amazing! And that’s All she was gonna tell me.

So I turned my television set on round 7:20PM for the listed 8PM replay and waited thru what seemed like an Uber’ long 5-6 minutes of Commercials before they came back to a Breathless Kroftie’, nee David Kroft exuding He’d Never seen a Crash like that in his life!

As this was at approximately 7:28PM Pacific, since I’ve gotten in the habbit of keeping my Talking Keychain Clock alongside me during TB Broadcasts since I’m always curious how long the Bleepin’ Commercials last! Err, I meant how Bloody Short each Ontrack segment is, but I digress further…

As all I could mutter outloud was WTF! What Gory Crash are you talking ‘bout? As you’re running an hour early you Mother Fokkers! Before ESPN2 proceeded to go 55mins W/O another commercial break, as I tend to recall my clock saying it was 8:25PM when that Mothers Shoe Polish sister Cooed’ her nauseating dribble onscreen.

And being Blind, have I mentioned that lately? “Watching,” Uhm Sitting in the Dark listening to a Formula 1 race at night during a Night F1 race is pretty much like seeing a “Triple Black,” ergo Black on Black on Black Dodge Hemi’ Cuda’ for Mwah, i.e.; black body paint, black vinyl top and a solid black interior, Get It? (Which I’ve actually seen one previously) When I’m trying to stare at the TV Screen…

Thus I couldn’t see KC’ Karun “Cowboy” Chandhok’s Frame-by-Frame Super Slow-Motion Disection of Romain’s crash. Ok, freeze It right there! Now you can see this tiny piece of Dirt coming towards Romain before he cranks the wheel Hard Right! Seriously?

As I Don’t remember who the culprits up front were? Since naturally All of the focus centered round Grosjean’s wicked looking crash with it’s ensuing Fireball! Since I do recall once briefly being able to see my TV Screen becoming a very bright yellowish colour momentarily! As Kroftie’ and Martin Billybob’ Brundle prattled on ‘bout it recalling Shades of Niki “the Rat” Lauda’s scary accident at the famed Nurburgring’s “long course” Wayback in 1976! When Niki almost burned to Death and was given last rights at Hospital!

And I wasn’t aware that the ubiquitous Armco Steel Barriers are actually constructed of multiple sheets together. Since I couldn’t figure out how Grosjean’s Haas VF-20 Split the Armco Barrier into Half! Although we must consider it to be very lucky that Romain’s car didn’t strike one of the posts holding said Armco squarely Head On, since My ex-Austin F1 Sherpa Claudio’ told me it appeared that Grosjean’s car crashed with the posts a meter appart on either side…

Thus for Mwah, it was much more Chilling listening to the printed reports via my NFB Newsline for The Blind’s telephone service of Romain describing in total clarity the sequene of events that occurred during his being trapped in a burning cockpit for 28 seconds! Not to mention him giving the Doctor of the F1 Medical Car SHIT for the way he was speaking to him after assisting him away from the Fire.

As it was quite eerie hearing Romain talk so calmly about at first thinking he must be upside down so he’d just wait for some track Marshall’s assistance, before looking in his mirrors
and seeing some flames. Trying to get out he get’s caught on something and sits back down in the car to think it over. And then noticing his gloves which are red turning a different colour he realizes his entire car is on fire and he needs to get out and pulls with All of his strength to unlodge his foot, which I believe pulls off one of his driving Boots, twists his body and shoulders and miraculously extricates himself from a burning racecar!

As I’m only sad he didn’t get to have his wish of finishing his Formula 1 career by racing at Abu Dhabi’s season finale, but totally Applaud him for forgoing racing in order to not cause further damage to his still healing burned hands, since obviously his F1 Career will be remembered by his escaping his burning racecar at Bahrain…

Although this twist ‘O fate did allow Pietro fittipaldi, Grandson of some legend named Emmo’, nee emerson Fittipaldi to make his Formula 1 Debut and contest the truncated season’s final two races.

Photographer Describes the Horror of Romain Grosjean’s Accident at the 2020 Bahrain Grand Prix