Friday, March 10, 2017

The Seedier Side of Racing...

Champ Car Driver Ryan Hunter-Reay at Pocono Raceway, circa '04. (Source: Images)
I'm the Team Boss, and I'll get Rid of Yuhs whenever I feel like I-T by GUMM-IT!

Yeah, I know we're supposed to be A-L-L Slap Happy, Rainbowz 'N Bunnies over the coronation of Indy Cars finally going Green once again with the start of racing this weekend at St Pete, Florida.

Yet, I'm finding myself more intrigued over the nebulous proceedings of a past Champ Car owner v current Floridian resident, than Starship HC's NOISE machine; Hey! We're Getting Better; Blah-blah-BLAHITY-Blah! No, seriously, our cellar dwelling TV Ratings have gone up; Chirp-Chirp, Bueller?

As I'm guessing my intrigue is somewhat in tune to rivaling the overtly long, harsh, cold, wet, windy, snowy 'N blustery winter we've had here in Seattle - OH CRAP! Now it's Hailing as I scribble this; but I digress...

Perhaps you've heard the news over Paul GOOFY! Gentilozzi's unscrupulous tactics towards honouring "The Dude's!" aka Ryan Hunter-Reay's contract recently?

Although I'm thinking my long standing nickname of the Ironhead Intimidator loving Michigonians' a total disservice to that LUV' able Walt Disney character, Eh!

For the record, I've never been a Fan of Paul MEATHEADZ' Gentilozzi's, despising him as far back  as his driving days in the SCCA Pro Racing's Trans Am series, where he ran the No. 3 presumably in deference to the late Dale  Earnhardt Sr. - For which I-T now appears my feelings were warranted.

Whilst I'll never forgive RHR for Bullying his ARSE past Oriol "Suitcase" Servia, prompting me to call Ryan "BULLY-RAY" here in Nofendersville for quite awhile...

Yet the most recent case of Team Bosses on this side of thou proverbial Puddle, tossing their contracted drivers like pieces of discarded Driftwood indelibly etched in my cranium belongs to Jay PISSENBOOTZ' Penske's ugly sacking of Thy Leggy Juan', aka Katherine Legge.

Although team owners aren't the only ones breaking contracts, although I've got NO clue on who's the Bad Guy in the just announced outcome of "Jimmy" (Gianmaria) Bruni's contested release from la Scuderia, nee Ferrari.

But what little I've discerned implies it was the Italian driver wishing to break his newly signed multi-year contract extension, in order to get his wish and be snapped up by rival Sports Cars manufacturer Porsche.

Yet the story about Gentilozzi's nebulous dealings with Hunter-Reay made me flashback to the young Texans' beginnings in Champ Car, which I more frequently called Chump Carz', having even penned a story titled As The World 'O Chump Carz' Turns...

Recalling his rookie season in the totally unsponsored American Spirit Team Johansson Reynard/Ford's in the final season of CART, where his team-mate was Top Jimmy', (Vasser) with the duo running the uncompetitive Reynard's for 'lil Stevie Johnson with just Jimmy & Ryan on their respective Sidepods.

As Championship Auto Racing Teams was in a spending war to cross the Bankruptcy finish line first! Although TG' would have to wait a further four years to finally get his way...

Yet Hunter-Reay scored his debutant B-I-G CARZ' victory Down Under in unpredictable weather conditions, equalizing the lowly Reynard's vs. the dominant Lola's.

The following season, Ryan moved to Herdez Competition, where he scored his second win at the famed Milwaukee Mile. Finishing a respectable  ninth place overall, albeit four spots behind team-mate Mario Boom-Boom! Dominguez and one spot behind Vasser, who'd moved onto PKV Racing.

Thus, where the story gets Weird, is what happened at Rocketsports, which indeed is also RSR, not to mention I recall a brief metamorphous as RSports' when briefly merging operations with RuSport; but I digress...

Obviously some part of the story's not being told, as why MEATHEADZ' dumped RHR in favour of Michael McDowell for two races and a $150,000 cheque. Since surely Gentilozzi was aware of his contract with RHR seems quite baffling.

Although I'll confess that I don't recall this occurring Wayback then, especially since it seemed like Chump Carz' had a different Driver line-up every race! Making Dale Coyne's current revolving door policy quite quaint; Hya!

Funny how I was reacquainting Thyself with Mr. McDowell's bio' when I inadvertently turned on Thy Telie for some ambient noise during lunch to the sound of Taxicabs from DayToner and Shuhzamm! There's Duh Booth Boyz' noting Michael McDowell running fifth...

And even funnier yet is the career of McDowell, who apparently was a BAD ARSE Open Wheel Racing Driver becoming another victim of The Split! Along with finding his way to the employment of another Bombastic Team Owner simply known as Mikey Ah Shucks' Waltrip; BARF!

As WaltRip's tenure as a team owner, including multiple bouts of Cheating! Along with a deceptive sponsor; Can Y'all say 5-Hour Energy's NO, it's NOT caffeine...

Like why in thee HELL is WaltRip not only allowed in the Paddock and race track, but still On Air! Which suddenly makes Gentilozzi's behaviour look slightly less egregious, right? Uhm, there's Somme-thun' caught in my throat, BULLS!

Yet perhaps Paul should have noticed the outcome of whom I'm now calling Broom Hilda', nee Monica Quiltingberg', aka Monisha Kaltenborn's recent transgressions, albeit his came way earlier!

As the Sauber F1 Team Principal, a lawyer by profession NO less, found out the hard way of trying to ignore the dried  ink of driver contracts recently in what I called "Driver Gate." Noting Hell hath NO Fury as a Dutchman Scorned, as just ask Giedo van der Garde!

Although van der Garde rightly won his lawsuit, he ultimately lost the War, since Formula 1 doesn't approve of its underlings; Err drivers thinking they've got the upper hand! Then again there's a reason why F1 has a Contracts Recognition Board...

Meanwhile, I applaud Hunter-Reay's tenacity, both on and off the track, which is why he's begrudgingly received my recent admiration, as I was especially rootin' for him to beat HULIO' that day at Mother Speedway!

As RHR seems like he's been most civil thru the entire  overtly long, drawn-out affairs of Gentilozzi's Machiavellian maneuvers, leaving his sons out of the mess, along with not mucking up Lexus's debut GTD (Daytona) class outing.

As I'd have gone for the juggler, a  la "Guido the Dutchman," (van der Garde) sending Bailiffs  to impound Sauber's chassis in Melbourne, and asking for Monisha Kaltenborn to be incarcerated; YIKES!

So C'mon Gentilozzi, Pay Up! As it could be somewhat more embarrassing for your new benefactor Toyota if their shiny new Lexus R FC GT3 cars couldn't hypothetically go racing at Sebring!

And speaking 'O racing, let's G-O! And like 'Ol Bob Varsha used to say: Turn U-P the Volume! And let's light a candle on the 2017 IndyCar season...

Just mere Days after I'd scribbled this story and loaded I-T to the No Fenders story hopper, news broke of Paul MEATHEADZ' Gentilozzi's latest Stalling tactics in NOT paying Ryan Hunter-Reay the now $3.3m judgment against him for wrongful termination Wayback in '07!

As Gentilozzi's really making me SICK over how it appears that perhaps Chump Carz was just a Rich man's hobby; Hmm? Perhaps simply a tax shelter for the likes 'O Gentilozzi & Company hiding their money; SPEW!

As presumably the only way RHR can get Gentilozzi's full Attenzione will be by having the 3GT Racing's Lexus R FC GT3's impounded prior to Sebring...