Saturday, May 23, 2015

INDY 500: An Embarrassment of Riches...

2015 Indy 500 Pole winner Scott Dixon's autographed "Hero Card" procured for Mwah at the World Famous McGilveries in 2013. (The Tomaso Collection)
Originally I swore NOT to pay any Attenzione to Sunday's riveting "Fast Nine" Shootout, nor watch any of ABC's "Extended" live coverage of the GURR-REATEST Spectale in Motorsports, Y'all know, that extended 2hr Over-inflated Infomercial, for which I can proudly say;


Having spent a most enjoyable, albeit brief outing at another automotive marvel on Saturday's first day of Indy 500 qualifying in "The City of Destiny," where somebody was born under a Bad Sign...  'Whale, Otay, that's just one of my favourite songs by Robert Cray, who did reputedly play in a mostly unknown short-lived band hailing from Lakewood, WA circa 1969-72; but I digress...

Which cleverly leads me into the untimely passing of Guitar and Blues Great, the legendous' BB King, who died at the age of 89 the Thursday preceding Indy 500 qualifying...

As for Mwah, it's a pretty sad comment upon the current state 'O Indy Cars, as the first site I go to for news about the Indy 500 is thee old-EST IndyCar Blogger Geo. Phillip's Oil Pressure website... Where I learned the morning of Sunday's qualifying, things had been turned completely Upside Down upon 'FAST EDDIE's NASTY looking accident! As thankfully Ed Carpenter walked away, albeit demolishing his primary racecar! Becoming the third Chevrolet runner to go Arse-over-teakettle; Err end-over-end, which caused IndyCar Officials to scramble over justified safety concerns!

Yet in fairness to Chevy, Pippa Mann in her Dale Coyne #63 Dallara-Honda suffered a mighty crash of her own during  the first  week's practice, albeit the Brit' lost control on her own accord, not due to any Aerokit instability issues or punctured tyres, aka Joseph Newgarden's "Tank-slapper!"

Thus having read the revised qualifying single day format, which I believe is a first in Speedway history would begin at 12:15PM Pacific, I decided to drop into's Race Control webpage and check out the single four-lap qualification attempts, since after all, I'm an  Open Wheel Racing Diehard - and would be attending my fifth Indy 500 this year...

As A-L-L I can say is: Serves Yuhs right Hulman & Co for gravitating to ABC for a miniscule 2hr Pole Day television broadcast window with NO flexibility built into I-T! As I chuckled mightily to myself over ABC showing an NBA Playoff's game, ESPN Softball and "The Douche," aka ESPN2 Woman's Lacrosse; Hooah! As we AIn'T got NO FREAKIN' ESPN News on our vaunted comca$t provider here in Seattle; so how 'bout 'Dem TV Ratings, eh?

Thus it seemed even more bizarre that Mark Graveley' James was the lead IMS Radio Network Broadcast announcer with Nicky 'Salt Yeoman as his colour commentator; Hmm, NO Paul Page; WTF? As James & Yeoman called the first ten qualifiers before "The Voice," aka  Paul Page and Dave "the King" Wilson replaced's "A-Team;" Hya!

And what gives with Jake "The Riddler" Queiry's infatuation over Charlie Kimball's wedding; CRAP! Did Qualie' STINK so BAD that that was all Queiry could think of to  talk about? BARF!

And for Mwah, adding insult to injury, although it makes me LOL! James Davidson, driving for Dale Coyne Racing (DCR) was forgoing the qualifying weekend in favour of his (paying) "Day Job," as chauffer of the No. 33 Nissan GTR NISMO GT3 Pirelli World Challenge car, which were racing Up North Eh! At Mosport 'Oh 'KanaDuh.

As Tristan Turbo' Vautier substituted for 'Aussie Davidson, doing a very solid job of qualifying the No. 19 21st overall, with the announcers saying it looked like Vautier had more speed in hand, while JD' (James Davidson) will roll off for the second year in-a-row  33rd.

And really? The B-I-G' Network couldn't afford to cover the entire day's event? As Paul Page & Co signed off at the end of regular qualifying whilst Kevin Lee scrambled to get up to their  announce booth position to cover a scintillating NOT! Last Row "Boomp Festiva," where the slowest four cars had 45mins to decide the final three positions on the grid, which were actually positions 30-32 with the aforementioned Davidson's starting Stone last due to not qualifying. 'Cornfuzed yet; Huh?

Then in perfect harmony to the entire day's laughable coverage, ending with "The Powers to Be," ergo Hulman & Co to provide WINB, 1070 The Fan with a single Pitlane Reporter and two somewhat bedazzled announcers, mainly Kevin Lee at the controls, with Donald Davidson providing  colour commentary, as the "B-Team" of whomever who filled for 10mins in case Lee couldn't find a working elevator, according to Page; Hooah!

As the minutes counted down upon a most deflated ending of a largely anti-climatic day, after Scott Dixon had to wait some two-hour's plus to claim his second Indy 500 Pole during the Day's five hour delay! The radio signal simply faded to the following as Buddy Lazier was in the middle of his final unsuccessful qualifying attempt - prior to the "Gun" being fired...

Thank You for listening. Due to Contractual Obligations we are NOT allowed to provide this broadcast, live streaming should return shortly...

For which thankfully, IndyCar dodged a mighty bullet by having A-L-l of this Qualie' Madness happen this year instead of during next year's eagerly awaited 100th running of the Indianapolis 500!

As I'm happy for Brian Clauson to have made "the Show" for his second time, yet it must have been somewhat torturous for the USAC Midget Star to sweat out whether or not Buddy Lazier would deny him the opportunity.

Although I'd like to have seen Buddy make the race once again, but Lazier Partners Racing were simply fighting an uphill battle this year, with a brand new and under-sorted Aerokit to tackle, along with being on the short engine lease program - whilst I won't make NO jokes 'bout Larry Curry Stealin' MPH here... It just wasn't in the Cards for Buddy this  year...

While my Numero Uno IndyCar driver Justin 'B-I-G UNIT Wilson was the fastest of Mikey A's quintet of Indy Cars, with a fine sixth place result, with my No's 2-3 drivers Will Power  and Simon Pagenaud starting P2-3 respectively.

And later that evening Jeanie asked me: Who Do you want to Win? For which I said I'd like JW' (Wilson) to win but don't think he will, which I previously scribbled 'bout in;

As interestingly, Wilson, in the second of his two race Dealio,  is the fastest Honda, who only secured two of the Top-10 starting spots, with Justin's team-mate Marco Andretti starting P8.

Having told Jeanie, I'd be Happy with at least one-third of the field winning, as obviously Wilson faces an uphill tussle with Ganassi's two "A-Team" runners (Dixon, Tony Kanaan) and three fourth's of Team Penske (Power, Pagenaud and Castroneves) ahead of him! As there's three series champions and three Indy 500 winners with a total of five Borg Warner's to their names ahead of the lanky 'Brit who'll turn 37yr old on July 31st.

As I've previously said, I'll be happy with my Top-3 IndyCar drivers in order of Wilson, Power and Pagenaud winning, with the following in no particular order: (starting position in parenthesis)

Conor Daly, (25) Clauson, , (33) Dixon, (Pole) 'TK, (4)  Juan Pablo Montoya, (15) RHR, (16) "the Mayor 'O Hinchtown," (24) (James Hinchcliffe) Oriel "Suitcase" Servia, (13) Carlos Silk' Munoz, (11) 'TAG, (22) (Alex Tagliani) 'FAST EDDIE, (12) (Ed Carpenter) Joseph Newgarden, (9) J.R. Hildebrand (10) or Townsend Bell (26) winning; HELL, even Marco Andretti, (8) I just DO NOT wanna See 'Ol Spiderman climbing the fence again!

Hmm? Guess that's why I'm just a "Keyboard Warrior," since I think my "Baker's Dozen" for potential I500 winners is more than 13; Hya!


Kudos to No Fenders 'Offical Photographer 'CARPETS, who's personally procured for Mwah a veritable "who's Who" 'O IndyCar B-I-G NAMES autographed "Hero Cards," and other signed memorabilia including a pair 'O Tristan Turbo' Vautier "Cheap Sunglasses;" Hooah! Over the years at Speedway,  Indiana's legendary McGilveries "Bar 'N Grill!"