GEEZ! Never saw this coming, did Yuhs? As GASP! Your humble No Fenders scribe actually sat down and watched his very first 43hrs Infomercial 'Roundy-round race of the year; Hooah! As for reasons of cynical delight, I was hoping for the past week's time that Ryan FU SMOKE! Newman, who's failed to win a single Sprint Cup race this season would become the sport's first ever champion without a victory!
Thus, electing to skip the two hour Pre-amble; HELL! That mean's spending six hours watching 'RASSCAR; WTF? I means, watchin' 3hrs is enough, right? As thanxs for reminding me why I DON'T watch RASSCAR races ESPN! Let's S-E-E, race telecast starts at high noon, Pacific. Command to start engines given at 12:12PM and Green flag finally flies at 12:25PM after two more commercial breaks and copious amounts of Pre-race in-car radio banter, along with talkin' to Jimmy "Vanilla" Johnson; ACK!
As Andy Petri-dish; Err Petree claims, Y'all DON'T needs a calculator to figure out who's champion, just whoever finishes highest; Yuck-yuck-yuck! As thanxs RASSCAR for makin' things easy for duh Fans; Hya!
Thus, Kevin "Rope-a-Dope" Harvick starts highest in fourth and rockets up to second place, while Joey "Sliced Bread" Logano moves up to eighth place, with nary a peep on Denny Hamlin's position, while Newman does his best Rick "The Rocket" Mears impersonation of loppin' round mid-pack, i.e.; P17, before hopefully vaultin' his way to the front in the final hundred miles...
Coming back from the Refrigerator; Err Confuzer Mr. Bestwick; Hya! Harvick was leading, Logano passed Matt Kensett for fourth and going to another commercial; GASP! Alan Bestwick mused how three 'O the four Contender's were running in the Top-4, but we're not even 50-miles into the race yet. Newman, Newman?
Lap-48; GEEZ! NO, I'm NOT doing' a "live" blog heres, butz hads to go for the No. 48 gimmick, right? As Logano had sliced his way into second place with a power move round both Harvick and Hamlin, with "Pretty Boy Floyd" (Jeff Gordon) leading, whilst Newman made his way into eleventh.
And with the exception of ESPN's "B-Team" of Nicole Briscoe, Rusty "Bark at the Moon" Wallace and Bradley 'Double Dribble Dockerty; Err Daugherty, who were the Somonex portion of the broadcast; CRIKEYS! What a FUCKING amazing race!
And NO IndyCar! Please do NOT feel inclined to mimic duh Oval-track's 'GORR-RILIAZ, i.e.; Chase Format, Playoffs, etc, but how in thee HELL did the finale work out so Damn Good! With A-L-L four championship contenders running in the Top 5-7 the final three-quarters of the race.
And as much as it PAINS Mwah, they're all worthy candidates, even if I DON'T like Good 'Ol "Rope-uh-Dope" boy! (Kevin Harvick) Whose crew chief's decision to take on four tires ultimately enabled Harvick to not only win the race, but his debutant Sprint Cup title; URGH!
And spare a thought for Logano's Jackman, as the jack slipped off during a late race Pit-stop with less than 30-laps remaining, dropping "Wonder Bred" to the rear of the field and effectively dosing his championship aspirations.
Thus, after multiple restarts, and with just 3-laps remaining, Harvick was leading, electing to stay up top and choose the outside lane, with Ryan "The Rocket-man" Newman on the inside in P2, after they'd gone for just two tyres earlier, whilst Denny Hamilin's crew had elected to stay out, as his worn Goodyear rubber saw him in third place, but fading.
And Kudos to Newman, who although couldn't quite squeeze the glass slipper on for a truly Cinderella story, elected to not give Harvick a Kyle Larson-esqe 'LUV-tap and instead finished runner-up in both the race and title fight, just scant feet behind Harvick... As I immediately turned off the Telie' after Newman's post race interview, as so much for the stats, eh? As Newman almost accomplished the impossible!
And I still do not understand why Gordon pitted from the lead, after leading the races most laps in the dying stages of the race, unless he was low on fuel and didn't think he could survive a "Checkers or Wreckers" multiple Green-White finish?
Whilst it was 'Uber refreshing to NOT hear queen Danicker's' (Danica Patrick) name mentioned once during the entire broadcast; Holy One Trick Pony's Batman, indeed! As I mused to myself whether or not Dan-Dan-Danica was in the race?
And with that said, and still somewhat in disbelief over watchin' a NASCAR race, I eagerly awaited the un-adulterated Speed Freaks recap, while hopefully Curty' Cavin's tidbit 'bout "Symona-Symona" (de Silvestro) hoping to return to Indy Cars comes true!