Friday, May 9, 2014

INDYCAR: If Technology is Verizon's name, then why do your Qualifying webcasts SUCK!


Wasn't it Verizon who came up with the snappy slogan "Can You Hear me Now?"

As I'd planned upon putting an A-L-L Sunshine, Smiles, Rainbows "N Bunnies spin to this piece; Oh Wait! That's right I tried listening to another HORRIFIC "Live" Fast Six Shootout Qualie' session, this time from thee Barber's, that Oh So Beautiful racetrack in Birmingham, Alabama., as apparently somebody SHEARED Zed Internetz connection..

Logging onto at 11:55AM Pacific, OH SHIT! Here we go again, as it felt like there were 69 cutouts between the start to the 6min mark of Group-1! (Session-1) Then for humour, I decided to PAINFULLY listen 'N count

 h            ow                        ma                        ny                                        times

t                                            he                         

liv                         e

broadcast                                        cu                                         t                             out...


I gave up after counting to the number 23; WTF? I mean if Verizon's a "Game Changer" and they're leading the technology revolution in Indy Cars, then HOLY ELECTRICAL GREMLINS BATMAN!!! As why in thee HE-LL does this occur each time I try listening to a qualifying session? I mean this unbelievable BUNGLING makes me think of how the US Government couldn't build a functioning "Affordable" Care Act enrollment website; SPEW!

Thought I'd try hanging into Group-2 (Session-1) of the Barber qualifying show, but after Dave First's interview with "S-Squared," aka Sebastian Saavedra cut OUT 5-times, not to mention the skipping 'N jumping of Paul Page, once again I gave UP!

So I guess I'll have to wait until 9:30 FREAKIN' PM (Pacific) to watch my very first "Peacock-lite" (NBCSN) Qualie' show of the year - as NO idea if Mr. Chrome Horn (Paul Tracy) is part of the broadcast crew?

As You're gonna learn to LUV' ELP! NO, not Electric Light Orchestra but, English Premiere League; Y'all know what Yuhs Yanks' call Soccer... I means if weeze spents (reputedly) $256 MILLION for 3yrs, (reportedly 4-times MORE than FOX's previous contract) then you're DAMN Tootin' gonna get exposed to I-T every day we see fit! And did we mention yet how 'RASSCAR's coming to the NBC Networks in 2015; BARF!

So imagine my surprise; NOT! When Gee Wally, we're gonna delay playing our tape delayed coverage of qualifying 'cause 'Dem Colorado Avalanche and Minnesota Wyld's decided to go into overtime; SHEISA!

And although the Avalanche won the game with an OT goal just 3:27 into the extra period, the IndyCar show was delayed a further 23mins until thy top of the hour, nee 10PM Pacific which mean Y'all on the East Coast had to wait 'til One FREAKIN' AM just to see 'DJ WillyP (Will Power) capture his third Pole at BMS...

As how in thee HELL will IndyCar ever pull its ABYSMAL ratings out of the gutter if the network continuously treats I-T as its Red-headed Step-Seester? Like would they pre-empt RASSCAR...

Adding insult to injury was the multiple airings during the Qualie' show for - including "Live Timing & Scoring;" Oh Never Mind!

Originally I'd planned upon commenting, like others how refreshing ABC's season opening St Pete race broadcast was, as Allen Bestwick definitely improved the show, as the entire episode seemed to be much more lively and Eddie Cheever and Scott "Somonex" Goodyear both appeared to be bright-eyed 'N bushy-tail, along with mostly coherent thoughts, even if I cannot say that the race was a thriller...

Then I missed Long Beach in favour of attending the MotoGP race at COTA, nee Circuit Of The Americas, but was definitely GEEKED when Claudio' read to me that P1 was the number 20, not #12 as I predicted. As I enjoyed listening to the Speed Freaks interview with Mike "Ice-Ice, Baby!" Conway upon my return...

Thus, now I'm just Uh-waitin' the Barber IndyCar race on NBCSN, in order to try comparing & contrasting the two networks broadcast's, albeit St Pete seems a zillion light years  ago... While it's funny; Ha-Ha NOT! How NBCSN cannot devote an extra half-hour to cover the entire tape delayed Qualie' shows but instead can bore us into insomnia with its 50+ minute Pre-race preambles; YAWN!

Obviously Mother Nature decided to rain upon duh Peacock's parade, yet I must say that NBCSN handled the Mega Delay very well indeed, as I was happy that "Professor B,"  aka Jon Beekhuis was on hand, along with Kelli Stavast who did a very good job and left me wondering why NBCSN dumped "LyndieCar" (Lindy Thaxton) all those years ago?

As NBCSN's flexibility was refreshing, as how many times have we all collectively moaned over the Networks switching an IndyCar race to some obscure TV channel almost NOBODY has access to, or just dumping the program entirely to make way for some Women's Golf Game; can Y'all say ABC!

As now it's time for ABC's 2hr COMMERCIAL; Err Promo' to wind us A-L-L up over the impending stupendous Indy 500 broadcast, as its definitely a commercial, as in lining Starship HC's (Hulman & Co's) pockets; Oh wait a My-nute', that's right, I forgot its for the Fans; BLARNEY!

Hmm? 5,000-7,000 attendees at last year's Opening Day ceremonies on Mother's Day; Uhm? Where's duh Cars? Oh that's right, Opening Day will still be on Sunday for the Oval which means it'll be the "Cherry-on-Top!"

Since there'll at least be  25-cars On-track at once running for more than 5mins apiece during the vaunted "Grand Prix," things should be better at Mother Speedway this weekend, but; I'm really FROTHED over all of this BULLSHIT about ABC's "Extended" coverage... As Earth to ABC or whomever the "Communicators" of these Buzzwords are. Two-hours of highlighted TV coverage after having your rival network having aired 6hrs-plus daily coverage of previous qualifying weekends does NOT compute into extended coverage!

And I'm sure it'll be a somewhat good show, or at least I hope it is, as I for one will NOT watch any of the ahem 2hr "Grand Prix" road show Hypefest promoting duh GURR-REATEST Spectale in Motor Racing... As I'd rather be at a concert like Arcade Fire at COTA's 360 Amphitheatre, oh wait, that's right! Almost forgot 'bout that Justin Alexander; Err Jason Aldean Dude; YEEHAW!

Guess I'd better slither on back to my tent in the Glamping section, after I get my second Tenderloin sandwich, Yuhs know the second one's FREE in honour of IMSes Twofer' - where Yuhs alls get the second Tenderloin FREE after buyin' duh first one which is part of Mother Speedway's two races in May promotion; Oh Never Mind!

As hopefully IMS printed this year's ticket the colour 'O money, nee green!

Let The Games Begin...