Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Sonoma roars to life

Well NOT exactly after another FREAKIN’ (Insert F-Bomb’s here...) FOWL UP by ESPN! And I didn’t have any fan-dancy vino on hand to celebrate the occasion, no Zinfandel’s, Merlott’s or Cabbernett’s... NOPE! I’m NOT wasting my sole bottle of Mosel Riesling on a FRILLIN’ Indy Car race! Although perhaps I was driven to indulge upon a few Northwest micro-brews while awaiting the start of that mesmerizing car race; and Why, Oh why? Does it ALWAYS take so much effort to tune into the IMS Radio Network via the internets? As once again I was determined to listen to Saturday’s live qualifying show, which required three separate attempts before powering down le confUZer and rebootin’ in order to pick-up Mike King, Davey Hamilton and the rest of the gang...

And although I knew he was back... As in Tomas “Rock ‘em Sock ‘em” Scheckter and Luczo-Dragon Racing, whom reportedly will now race in the final three rounds of the championship, I wasn’t expecting to hear that Mario “BOOM BOOM” Dominguez and Pacific Coast Motorsports were returning... As in does anybody remember them? Those were the cat’s that got busted for skateboarding in Gasoline Alley this past May!

Thus, I found it a bit surprising that “Souper Dooper?” Mario Dominguez managed to bump his way into the top six during round 1, knocking out such notables as Graham Rahal and Tomas Scheckter, while Dale Coyne’s young gun Mario “M ‘N M” Moraes bumped out his elder statesman “Junky” (Junqueira) in order to grab the final transfer position.

Group 1; Top 61. Servia (1:17.1462) 2. Tony Kanaan; 3. Marco Andretti; 4. Ryan Hunter-Reay; 5. Mario Dominguez; 6. Mario Moraes

Then as the minutes ticked down on group two, I suddenly found myself screaming at my confuzer... NO! NOOOOOOO............ F%%K! How can you Boyzs get beat by Princess Danicker? As Mrs. Balderdash beat out such notables as Danny Boy “SPIKE” Wheldon, who wound up only eighth fastest, as Dave “The King” Wilson would read off an entertaining trivial fact later on, that of the three drivers averaging 15th place finishes on road courses, two aren’t unexpected; Edwardo “F-BOMB” Carpentier and teammate AJ “QUATTRO” Foyt IV, but would you believe that the third is none other than Wheldon... Also of no consequence, but entertaining nonetheless, KV Racing Technology drivers grabbed the top spots in both sessions of round 1.

Group 2; Top 61. Will Power 1:16.9543) 2. Ryan Briscoe; 3. Helio Castroneves; 4. Scott Dixon; 5. Danica Patrick; 6. Justin Wilson

Yet, Danicker’s road course prowess was short lived as she was unable to progress any further and ultimately... Yawn! Team Penske drivers Helioe the Dancin’ FOOL and Ryan “Burnin’ Inferno...” Youch! That’s NOT funny, eh? Swept the front row once again, with Will Power third, alongside Tony “Follow your Schnauz” Kanaan fourth, with row three filled out by Scott Dixon and Oriel Servia respectively, in the day’s Flinstone Fast six final qualifying sessions.

FOUR!

And then after a 25+ minute delay, in hopes of the Women golfers managing to find the pin on the 18th green; Have you seen my ball? Indy Car race control gave the command to throw the green flag... In which Castroneves led his very first laps ever at “SNORHOMA,” in what would become a somewhat (questionable) interesting race as teams broke into three separate fuel strategies... With AGR’s Hideki Mutoh coming in on lap 7 to begin the parade. Oh, when will another Champ Car Ref... Err -, Transition driver/team win a race...

As this is becoming fairly sedate, (time for another micro-brew, Ja Volt!) while I need a spread sheet to keep track of exactly who was where? As many teams put their drivers into the game of who’d have enough fuel to go to the end?

But the Team Penske cars were simply too strong today, as Helio easily cycled his way back to the lead twice and his wingman Briscoe was right behind... With the IMS’s Kevin Olsen making the quip of the week; Or perhaps the season upon Princess Danicker entering her pits for the first time, by saying;

“Here comes the Queen of fuel strategy!”
And Bob Jenkins later mentioned how Scotty “got Milk?” Dixon had been on-fire this season... Hmm? Nice choice of words Bob, did you get that from that Aussie “Burnin’ Inferno, from Down Under? But speakin’ of Dixon, he seemed to just melt into the background this race, finishing a paltry 12th, by his standards. HELL! Even some chap named Wheldon finished ahead of him in P4... And thus once again, Team Penske arose from the ashes of difficulty to score another 1-2 sweep, with TK (Kanaan) a distant and fairly unhappy third. And with Dixon’s uncharacteristic finish, Castroneves nearly chopped his points lead in half; From 78 to 43, with two events remaining, as it was fun to hear how ecstatic Helio was after winning his first race in two years...

So, Ho-hum, eh? As in two twisty tracks this weekend; A street circuit and a road course, with both winners cruising to the victory from the pole position... Yeah-yeah-yeah, I know what all of uze Oval Track mavens are sayin’ But HELL! It’s NOT the racing venue’s fault! I mean just look at the winners... As in Team Penske and Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro... Gotta get that one in before those BAD HABITS “deckles” disappear completely... I mean until there’s more then the “Big Three” in Indy Car (AGR, Penske and TCGR) along with Ferrari and McLaren, look for things to remain status quo...

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