Wednesday, December 20, 2023

The 2023 IndyCar Golden Tailpipe Awards edition

A. J. foyt racecar (Image source:


As who will Santa be Awarding “Gifts” to this year?


Yessiree Bog, Bob’s Your Uncle Mateys! As I’m just trying to finish off the year’s No Fenders posts Here upon Ye mystical’ Isle of Nofendersville, with Thy yearly IndyCar Golden Tailpipe Award selections. Hence these choices were just quickly Jotted down after my initial Spur of Ye Cuff selections below.


Whilst Y’all can compare ‘n contrast this year’s choices with the Uber Exciting 2022 Selections in the following link.



2023 IndyCar Champion: Alex Palou

2023 Indy 500: Josef Newgarden

2023 Rookie Of the Year: Marcus Armstrong



1. Driver of The Year

Winner: Alex Palou

This seemed obvious this year. Having scribbled on No Fenders previously about how the Spaniard was miraculously Shitting Gold Bricks! After that incredulous second place finish Up North eh! Having started P15 at Toronto, where His damaged front wing was held onto the car by the strength of a sponsors deckle! (Decal)


As Palou’s worst finish of the entire season was eighth place, need I say more? Not to mention claiming the most wins with five, and a few Pole positions to boot. As Palou became the first driver to wrap up a Championship before the final round since le Hamburgular’, nee Sealmeister B’, aka Sebastien Bourdais in Bloody 2007! Since Champ Car statistics are now recognized in the IndyCar record books…


Other Choices

Scott Dixon, Scott McLaughlin and Pato O’Ward


2. Biggest Disappointments of The Year

Initially I was drawing a blank upon this, but quickly thought up the following.


First has to be the despicable behaviour of Agustin Canapino’s Fanbase sending Death Threats to Callum Ilott, not once, but twice! Along with JHR tepid response and Riccardo Juncos saying that’s just normal behaviour in Argentina!


Texas Motor Speedway and it’s Ownership SMI refusing to work with IndyCar to secure a date for next year’s IndyCar calendar! Especially since this was one of the best two Oval races this year!


The outright Nastiness of Mr. Zakery Brown’s stupendous lawsuit against Alex Palou! Just for Spite after having had the tables turned upon Him, after He’d tried poaching the Spaniard a year before! As what did Colton Herta say about Zak being Cut throat, Eh!


The ridiculous Farce of multiple Red Flags during this year’s Indianapolis 500! Along with the stupid and Dangeous allowing of the “Snake”, Err Dragon move of driving across the track and Blocking your pursuers to not only continue, but become even more egregious!


And JHR Hanging Callum Ilott out to dry! With the talented Englishman not having a seat on next year’s IndyCar Grid!


3. Race of The Year

Oval Track Winner: Texas Motor Speedway

Once again, TMS didn’t fail to excite us, with the new IndyCar Aero package spicing up the Show! As it’s an absolute Shame how this race has been left on the vine to Shrivel and Die!


As Texas provided us with some early season excitement, that only Oval races can do! And the ending was setting up to be a Doozy between Josef Newgarden and Pato O’Ward, before Romain Grosjean tagged the Wall…


Other Choices

Indianapolis 500


Twisties' Track Winner: Galligher Indy GP

Have already scribbled ‘bout how uncharacteristically I was emphatically rootin’ with two sets ‘O fingers crossed for Graham Rahal to win the second Indianapolis road course race! Since I simply wanted to “See” Graham break His six year drought of winning a G-Damn’ IndyCar race!


Normally I wouldn’t expect to pick the IMS road course for this category, but the ebb ‘n flow of Graham . From winning His first Pole since Barber Motorsports Park some four-plus years ago. To leading a sizeable portion of the race before trying so desperately to Hunt down eventual winner Scott Dixon, Groan! Wanting so desperately to stand atop the podium for the first time since that magical weekend sweep of Belle Isle’s Double Header in 2017. With Graham saying Dixon did what He always does afterwards, simply making this a Nailbiter for Mwah!


Other Choices

Nashville, Alabama, Detroit and Toronto


4. Most Improved Team of the Year

Winner: Chip Ganassi Racing

This was my second hardest discision, since I typically try to choose a deserving Midfield team over the proverbial big Three. But the bottom Half of the Grid was pretty disappointing this year! Ergo Ed Carpenter Racing, Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing and Meyer shank Racing. With A.J. Foyt enterprises being a perpetual after thought! Whilst Juncos Hollinger Racing is a wash due to it’s partisan leadership…


Thus Ganassi went from a “low” of only four W’s in 2022 vs. Team Penske’s nine. Seeing a massive role reversal with Palou capping five victories. Followed by Dixon’s three and Marcus Ericsson’s lone W’ giving Cheep’s squad nine wins vs. Penske’s five this season…


5. Most Disappointing Team of the Year

Winner: Arrow McLaren

Yeah, I could have gone for some low Hangin’ fruit, i.e.; Coyne, Carpenter, RLLR or Meyer Shank. Not to mention Foyt, but they All seemed too easy!


As this seems like a tie between Andretti and McLaren. Especially since Pato O’Ward should have won two races this year, i.e.; Texas and Uhm? Oh yeah, St Pete, where He had that momentary Plenum Fire! Along with suffering some meltdown’s, most notably at Mother Speedway and Detroit!


While Felix-the-Cat’ (Rosenqvist) had His typical up ‘n down year. Claiming Pole positions but not delivering. Which also seems like what Alexander Rossi did. Even though it was Rossi’s first year with the team, somehow I really expected All three drivers to deliver more.


Yeah, I know much the same could be said about Andretti, Ergo Colton Herta’s missed opportunities. But “Kirk” Kirkwood put Andretti in the winner’s circle twice vs. McLaren’s Goose Egg.


Not to mention All of the Hype about Arrow McLaren and Arse-sumedly it’s Pied Piper Zak Brown crowing about making it the big Four, i.e.; Penske, Ganassi, Andretti and Cough cough, Arrow McLaren!