Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Golden Tailpipe Awards: The 2022 Streamliner edition, Positions 6-9

Otay Kiddoes', it's that time 'O year again, when I cap off another long, meandering year's storytelling from thou Isle of Nofendersville with my Zany End of Year Overall Winners selections…


As Y’all know thou Drill here upon Ye Isle ‘O Nofendersville, where the Nights are long and the Days spent type-type-typing Away Way too Mucho on thoust Keyboard! Alas, Once again it’s another long form No Fenders Two part Harmony, Err meandering prose for your consideration


As Here goes Nothin', with another Bevy 'O totally Un-Scientific, Zany Random Off Ye Cuff selections made below…



Rider of The Year, Sports Car Drivers of The Year, Freak of The Year and Quip of The Year


6. Rider of Year

Winner: Enea Bastianini

This Uber Bad Arse Kneedragger quickly vaulted His way to becoming my Numero Uno MotoGP Rider this past year! Although I knew about Him as a Rookie in 2021, especially since He’s got a great last name for which I always try slipping in the letter D as in BadArseStini!


But the former Moto 2 Champion completely electrified Mwah last year during His Breakout season, ultimately scoring four wins on a year old Ducati!

As Enea Broke His Duck at season’s beginning in Qatar and never ooked back!


Even more intriguing was His Never Say Die attitude! Especially when mixing it up with future teammate and eventual 2022 MotoGP World Champion Francesco Pecco’ Bagnaia! Especially in the latter few rounds when causing both Ducati Team bosses to chew off All of Thar Fingernails, et Al!


As Bastianini finished Third Overall and having just turned 25, will now be poised for a maiden title if He can keep from Crashing into Werks’ Ducati Lenovo teammate Bagnaia…


Other Choices

Alex Rins, Aleix Espargaro, Francesco Bagnaia and Jorge Martin?


7. Sports Car Drivers of Year

Winner: Tom Blomqvist and Oliver Jarvis

Seems a really long time ago now, especially with this year’s Rolex 24 almost Here! To remember that Meyer Shank Racing’s (MSR) Acura DPi won the 2022 Rolex 24. Especially since it’s regular season Drivers surely were overshadowed by that Dancin’ fool Hulio’, nee Helio Castroneves and His MSR IndyCar teammate Simon Pagenaud Moonlighting at Day-toner’.


Have known about Oliver Jarvis being Blindingly Quick ever since His Mazda Prototype Days, along with being a winning Driver.


But it’s Messser Blomqvist who excites me most! As really cannot say why I’m so Geeked over whom I enjoy calling Tom “The Bomb” Blomqvist! Other than He just seems like a really capable racing Driver!


Making it even more impressive that He Held off Wayne Taylor racing’s (Acura)  Championship rivals Filipe Albuquerque over the final race’s final 45mins! And not only win the 10 Hours Petit Le Mans race. But also win the Prototypes championship!


Oh Yeah, blomqvist is Fast, and I really Hope that MSR will finally see the light and insert Blomqvist into it’s No. 06 IndyCar entry for 2024, and finally retire Castroneves!


Other Choices

Guess I should include Pfaff Motorsports trio that won the GTD Pro category, i.e.; Mathieu Jaminet, Matt Campbel and Felipe Nasr. As All three have graduated to the Big boyz’ GTP ranks and will drive the Penske Porsche 963’s. Whilst top Jinny’ (Vasser) and Sully’s (James Sullivan) Lexus trio of Jack Bloody’ Hawksworth, Ben Barnicoat and Kyle Kirkwood secured the team’s maiden GTD Pro victory at Road Atlanta’s Petit Le Mans.


Oh Yeah, how could I almost forget my Home Boyz’ Heart of Racing team’s Roman De Angelis for winning The GTD (Daytona) Championship! With the help of His co-Drivers Maxine Martin and Ian James…


8. Freak of Year

Winner: Ross Chastain

As this should be Obvious! In what I think was being called “The shot Heard round the World!” or more likely The Pass, Oh wait a Mynute’ that was somebldy named Alex Zanardi’s move on the Hapless Bryan High Speed Hurdles’ Herta at Laguna Seca!


Yet surely everybody knows about Chastain’s audacious “Overtake” maneuver at Martinsville to clinch the final spot in last year’s NASCAR Playoffs “chase” for whom of the four remaining drivers would vie for the title, Righto?


But I’m Sorry, Slammin’ your 3,500lb Taxicab Bomber into the retaining Wall to pass His fellow Competitors simply Ain’t Driving! And I simply Vomit Hearing Mike Joy in my Head regurgitating How Thar the Best Drivers in The World, Ralf!


Honourable Mention

Sebastian Vettel

Although I’ve long since tired of ‘lil syd viddle’s antics, mostly ON-track! Nonetheless, I have to say that Seb Vettel’s wearing of His Boxers on the outside of His Firesuit was absolutely Brilliant!


As perhaps Y’all recall the Firestorm that erupted around Jewelry Gate and Undie Gate! As the new Sherrif’s, Err Race Directors decided to lay down the law and enforce rules that Had previously been not worried about! As sir Lewis Hamilton was the target of Jewelry Gate, whilst Vettel rightly pointed out the Absurdity of trying to “Police” Drivers over Thar choice of undergarments that may, or may not be approved…


9. Quip of Year

Winner: “Luckily I wasn’t Lewis Hamilton at Zandvoort!”


Those were the Wickedly Sharp witted words of Kevin “Bacon” Magnussen following His Post Race Ordeal with DannyRic’, aka Daniel Ricciardo on lap-1 of the Brazilian Grand Prix.


As the Dane’ ended up spending the entire race trackside after being unable to communicate with the Safety Car Drivers, who just left Him watching Kerbside!


Although Kevin didn’t speak Portuguese, He wasn’t concerned until after the race had finished. And then Nobody was coming to Help Him get back to the Pits while the crowd was starting to Grow! Before some astute Corner Workers Cut a Hole in a Fence and Helped Magnussen to Safety!




As that's a Wrap for last Year’s Scribblins’ Here on Nofendersville, as it's been Ah, Uhm? Oh Yeah, Ah blast! As we’ll return to our Normal Broadcasting Shortly…