Wednesday, February 9, 2022

The 2021 Formula 1 Golden Tailpipe Awards edition, Positions 6-10

As will Any of these Formula 1 Drivers be on Our lips this year?


Frick! May be it’s A Sign from the Universe, eh? As I’d typed about a third of these riveting choices but apparently forgot to Save the Gory Document, Crud! Not to mention how the “Tribe’s” definitely spoken regarding the tepid readership of my previous 2021 IndyCar Selections, Splat! But like I’ve said before, I’m the Gory Decider here on Ye Isle ‘O Nofendersville, and I’ll bloody Scribble and Post about whatever I want on my slowly cratering No Fenders Blog Mateys!


But as we all, Chirp Chirp, Bueller? Wait Breathlessly over wheter or Not Sir Lewis, aka Golden Child or simply known as Lewis Hamilton will grace us with his presence in 2022? As C’mon Lewis Buddy, Just Walk Away, Do It!


As it would be fun not only seeing the F1 Grid turned topsy turvey, but Mercedes and even better yet, Herr Wolff having to scramble madly!


Although I’d say that Nyck De Bries would be the natural fit as Hamilton’s replacement. And I won’t be surprised at All if Golden Child doesn’t attend the first test session at Barcelona over February 23-25. Leaving us All Ah-Wonderin’, be still My Beating Heart, Spew!


As I’ll leave Y’all with the following prose to tide Yuhs over meantime’s, before we get down to serious business with the two Pre-season 3 Day  test outings at Barcelona and Bahrain…



6. Most Impressive Driver of The Year

Winner: Pierre Gasley

Yeah, I know, I know. Y’all would Arse-sumedly either pick Maximus Hothead’, Err Mad Maxx (Verstappen) or simply Maximilian, Golden Child or even perhaps Sergio Perez for this selection, ci? But I’m giving it to Monsieur Gasley instead, since He’s the driver who most impressed me last year. As the Frenchman simply got on with business and routinely put Red Bull’s Red Headed Seester’s Scuderia AlphaTauri into the Top 10 Q3 Qualie’ sessions! And seemed like He was typically knocking round P6! Dragging the promising AlphaTauri past the likes of McLaren, Alpine and Aston Martin on a weekly basis…


7. Most Improved Driver of the Year

Winner: Esteban Ocon

This category always seems difficult for Mwah, since if you’re Not Improving constantly in Formula 1, then you’re probably gone! And I’m not sure who’s got the Harder teammate to live with? As Ocon’s spent the past two seasons with DannyRic’ (Daniel Ricciardo) and Fredrico Suave. (Fernando Alonso) Versus Lance Stroll teamed with Sergio Perez and ‘lil Syd viddle’, aka Sebastian Vettel.


And many would argue that Ocon got lucky at Hungary when the Seas Parted for Him! Going from eighth to first and then holding off a Hard Charging Vettel to score his maiden Formula 1 victory! But Perez won aboard Aston Martin’s predecessor Racing Point’s car, and Alonso was only able to podium this season, so You Make the Call.


8. Most Disappointing Driver of the Year

Winner: Valtteri Bottas

Initially chose the aforementioned ‘lil Syd Viddle for this category, but that seemed too easy, especially since apparently Aston Martin gave up upon it’s 2021 Chassis early on in favour of this year’s car?


And I realize that Valtteri Bottas, who used to be my Numero Uno F1 Driver has never had an easy task at the Silver Arrows. Like I Dunno, somebody named Lewis Hamilton as your team leader! Or having to survive on one year contracts whilst your Boss Herr Wolff Shivs you in the Back! But tht being said, I’d have expected Bottas to not end up tied on one Grands Prix victory apiece with Daniel Ricciardo, Esteban Ocon and Sergio Perez, whom Bottas should theoretically Outrank All of them! Then again, may be that’s why Mercedes didn’t pick up his contract this year?


9. Personality of Year

Winner: Nicholas Latifi

Although many will be saying Nicholas Who? As the Hapless Team Willy’ driver has been mercilessly Crucified for having caused the late race Safety Car at Abu Dhabi which led to that Surreal, widely Unpopular and Controversial Finish!


Nonetheless, Latifi didn’t crash on purpose, and should Not have received Death Threats for simply doing his job and giving every ounce of energy to not finish behind the lowly Haas of Rookie Mick Schumacher! As I totally Applaud Latifi for publicly bringing His Plight to our Attenzione and Handling such a Furious Crusade and No laughing matter with such Dignity


10. Rookie of The Year

Winner: Mick Schumacher

The obvious answer for this category is Yuki Tsunoda, and I was very High upon the Brash Japanese Driver upon his F1 Debut. But I quickly soured upon Yuki when He had the audacity to publicly throw his team underneath the Bus by spouting off He wasn’t getting equal equipment to teammate Gasley’s. As Earth to Tsunoda, it’s Called Formula 1 for a reason Sunshine!


Thus I’m giving the nod to the young Mick, who after all finished ahead of Tsunoda in F2 and was driving the worst car on the Grid! As the Haas VF-21 was simply a Dog, with No Disrespect to Canines Wuf Wuf!


And this selection has Nothing to do with his father being some Chap named Der Terminator’, nee Michael Schumacher! But instead for his overperforming in the lowly Haas. As I’d like to have seen how Mick would have got on in Yuki’s AlphaTauri, which I suppose we’re all waiting to See? And how the young German will ultimately prevail in F1 if He ever finds his way into a truly competitive mount, like dare I say Scuderia Ferrari?