Saturday, May 29, 2021

Indy 500: 40-something’s’ Still Going Strong

As how many more Indy 500 Rodeos will they Attend?


Ah, what better subject to scribble ‘bout on what should have been Legends Day at Mother Speedway, Eh? As interestingly, Thars as many Old Salts as Indy 500 Winners contesting this year’s race, albeit just by my very Un-Scientific research. Although two of this year’s previous Indianapolis 500 winners haven’t reached this illustrious plateau yet, i.e.; Simon Pagenaud celebrated his 37th Birthday on May 18th, when IMS held a Party for him with 34 of his “Friends” Ontrack during Opening Day Festivities! While Alexander Rossi is the “baby” of this group at just 29 years old. As our nine 40 year Old’s are:


Sebastien Bourdais, Ed Carpenter, Helio Castroneves, Scott Dixon, Ryan Hunter-Reay, Tony Kanaan, Juan Pablo Montoya, Will Power and Takuma Sato.


Hmm, how to go about this, eh? As originally I was gonna do another long form No Fenders expose on each of these drivers, but I’m Not feeling up to it, and besides, I’m running outta time before they wave the Green flag upon thou GURR-Reatest Spectale in Uhm, Motor Racing Tuh-Duh!


Thus we’ll See if you can figure out my logic?  Since I was gonna G-O in order of Indianapolis 500 victories originally, albeit that would have left two of these Grey Beards out. With both of the Non Indy 500 winners landing in my “Mythical” Group 2 of this riveting tome. Since after all, what’s that saying about Age before Beauty, Eh?


Indianapolis 500 Winners

Juan Pablo Montoya,  (2000, 2015) Helio Castroneves, (2001-02, 2009) Scott Dixon, (2008) Tony Kanaan, (2013) Ryan Hunter-Reay, (2014) Takuma Sato (2017, 2020) and Will Power. (2018)


As these seven drivers have a combined total of 11 Borg Warner trophies between them. With Fast Eddie’ (Ed Carpenter) being the “Baby Face” of this Geriatric group. Whilst Bourdais is still looking for a Top 5 finish at Mother Speedway…


On Pole position is TK’ Follow-your-Schnoz! Kanaan being the Elder Statesman of this group at Age 46, and will celebrate his 47th Birthday this December 31st. As I’m not really sure what to expect from Tony, who seemingly is always a threat on Ovals, and especially at Mother Speedway when he has a good car. And driving for thou Cheepster’, aka Chip Ganassi he certainly has good equipment for the next two years to try winning his second Indy 500.


Second Oldest on this Hit Parade list is my past Number One villan Hulip’, aka Helio Castroneves who just celebrated his 46th Birthday on May 10th. As Castroneves is the only Three-times Winner of this bunch, who desperately wants to join the rarefied Four-time Winners trio. But at age 46 and driving for a brand new team, as it still seems wrong for him to be in anything other than a Penske car! And the way Meyer Shank Racing has been having equipment failures and Silly Mistakes, I’ll proclaim that Helio won’t be Drinking Milk this May 30th.


On the Outside of Row 1, Third Oldest is Juan Pablo Montoya who turns 46 on September 20th. And although the Columbian has a most impressive winning percentage tally at Mother Speedway, his performance at this year’s Indy GP did little to impress me! As Seriously? Qualifying Dead last behind the likes of Jimmy Johnson and Dalton Kellett, before finishing a very pedestrian P21 and 1-lap behind.


Along with finishing once again behind Kellett! Although Monty’ will probably finish much better on the IMS Oval. Since as ‘Ol Kenny Sargent of Speed Freaks fame would say, BAM! JPM was fourth fastest in the opening 2hr practice on Opening Day, Quickest of the Arrow McLaren SP trio, before finishing the day P12.


On the Inside of Row 2, one position behind last year’s Indianapolis 500 Qualifying position. Clocking in at No. 4 is a very likeable Japanese driver as ‘Ol Casey Kasem would say. As Takuma Sato celebrated his 44th Birthday this January 28th and got a belated birthday gift when finally getting to see his face upon the vaunted Borg Warner trophy for a second time earlier this year.


And as the reigning Indianapolis 500 winner, I’d Arse-sume he get’s to grace this year’s ticket stub, as I think Mother Speedway still gives it’s Fans the traditional ticket, Righto?


As the defending Indianapolis 500 winner, Taku-san’ seems like he’s been somewhat flying underneath the radar so far this season, and hasn’t really wowed up so far. But as a Two-times Indy 500 winner who could have won three before colliding with Dario REO Speedwagon Franchitti in 2012 on the last lap. Hey, “No Attack, No chance!” Sato could conceivably be gunning for his fourth Borg Warner trophy this May…