Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Fernando the Bull's Ever Growing Tail!




IMS Scoring pylon with Alonso's name displayed on 2017 Indy 500 Pole Day. (the Tomaso Collection)
Uhm, what did 'Ol Tony Stewart say 'bout the Bestest Thingy since "Sliced Bred?"

Presumably it's just Mwah, but enough with the Platitudes 'O Fernando lore! As sadly, I was largely inspired to pen this rant due to reading; Err Hearing "My Gal" Lucy', my ARSE-Steamed Screen Reader cooing over one of the few remaining Diehard IndyCar Bloggers having scribble that Fernando Alonso's driving in the rain during the 24 Hours of Daytona made him see the "Ghost of "Saint Ayrton," nee Ayrton Senna" during this year's rain sodden Rolex 24

Say What?

Holy Hero Worshiping Batman!

While I Don't Dispute Alonso's prodigious Driving Talent, I do take Offense to him being compared with the late, great Ayrton Senna, for which I fear Thar's NO Comparison!

Otay, you could perceivably compare Fredrico Suave to Michael Schumacher, who after all was called the Rainmeister during his days at la Scuderia, where 'Ol Fernando never managed to Close thou Dealio', aka win a Formula 1 World championship in Scarlet Overalls. But Senna? P-P-Puhlease!

"Fernando is Faster Than You, Ayrton..."

Although last time I checked, Michael,  who's presumably still taking a Nap, Righto? Has more than Three Times as Many Formula One World Championships as Alonso. Not to mention nearly Three-times as Many Grands Prix victories... 

Yeah, Fernando's now won two prestigious Sports Car events, the legendous' 24 Heurs du Mans and Rolex 24 in less than 12-months, which many former Formula 1 Pilotes' have never accomplished, But...

With the Spaniard's carefully crafted "Marketing;" Err Self-promotion Machine, how much of Alonso's trumpeting his Quest for the "elusive" Triple Crown is nothing more than his Hypefest 'O Trying to extricate himself from a largely disappointing Formula 1 career?

Look, I get it, Fred's a Two-times F1 World Champion, and a total Bad Arse Driver who had the Kuhoonas' to Beat Herr Schumacher in his prime No less, but Alonso also let the splendor of winning a World Championship for la Scuderia slip thru his fingers how many times? Most notably the year he couldn't even get past the lowly Lotus of Vitaly VO5' Petrov on Yas Isle! Before the Testy Spaniard told the Rooskie' he was No. 1, Ci!

And let's Not Overlook his somewhat "toxic" reputation, most notably his first Go-around at McLaren during thee Ronsters' (Ron Dennis) reign, which ultimately cost Woking a cool $100m, as in Million! Not to mention "Crash Gate," the sorid affair involving le Reggie', nee Renault and Fred's Wingman Nelson Piquet, Jr.


And what constitutes Stardom, and whose' a Better All-rounder Driver? As not sure why, other than I've always been a Fan of 'lil Stevie Johnson', aka Stefan Johansson... The Swede's won Le Mans during Dare I Say It? A far more competitive era, i.e.; 1997.

As let's call a Spade A Spade. As the Toyota's were just racing themselves last June for the victory, en route to a crushing 10-laps advantage over the third-place finisher, nearly 100-miles ahead!

Not to mention Stefan's won the arduous 12 Hours of Sebring twice, in two different vehicles separated by 13yrs! Aboard a Porsche 935 and Ferrari 333 SP. As Sebring's Cement Mixer tarmac's noted for being twice as rough as Daytona Beach's High Banks - and tougher to win vs. Daytona.

Or how 'bout "Mansell Mania?" As the world Class Thespian's the only Driver to win back-to-back Championships, i.e.; Formula 1 and IndyCar, when the latter was Arguably more popular (and competitive) than F1.

Not to mention EMMO', aka Emerson Fittipaldi's accomplishments. And I haven't even Delved into some of Sports Cars Baddest Cats like Hurley Haywood, Al Holbert, Peter Gregg, Jacky Ickx, Klaus Ludwig or "Mr. Le Mans," thou "Other" TK', aka Tom Kristensen - Just to name a few potent Drivers.

Or the Hapless, but very Amiable Bloody Brit Johnny Herbert, who won at the Circuit de la Sarthe in a Mazda NO less, as I could go on 'N on...

Whilst I've already noted here on No Fenders last year, what would the press have said if Good 'Ol Monty', nee JPM or Mac Montoya, aka Juan Pablo have said if the Columbian had won the LMP2 Class in last year's 24 Hours of Le Mans?

Wouldn't he have theoretically Beaten Fredrico to that Oh, so Coveted "Triple Crown?" But I've never heard JPM Honking His Own Horn over such trivia as that...

Meanwhile, as I've poonded on previously here in Nofendersville, contrary to popular belief Near and Abroad, can Y'all say Viva la France? Alonso's 2019 McLaren Indy 500 project will Not be in Cahoots with FAST EDDIE', nee Ed Carpenter and ECR, but instead in partnership with Carlin...


As now I've got two Drivers I'll be rootin' Against  at Mother Speedway this May. The first being HULIO', and the second Alonso! As the Brickyard's a fickle Mistress, who chooses who She wants to Win, not the other way round Fernando...

(Photo c/o No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer CARPETS')

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