Saturday, April 1, 2017

Does the President have the Cojones' to take on Danica?




Advance America employees pose for a selfie in front of a cardboard likeness of NASCAR driver Danica Patrick. (Image source: www.upstatebusinessjournal.com)
U-S-A, U-S-A! From Now On, we're gonna make Americre first! Americre' First!


As we A-L-L know how the President's a fine, upstanding, women loving, devoted Family Man, whose got ZERO idea what that 'lil Women's March rally that occurred around the world during his Coronation Day was about? I mean like I like women, I like to touch 'em, squeeze 'em; Err Hug 'em, Ah C'mon Danica, I only wanna hold your hand! Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge...

As I like Strong Women, like Danica's my type 'O Gal! Even if she's got a Boyfriend, since she won't be bullied about, as how dare those 'lil Tree Huggin' Nature Bakers; Uhm, what's this nature stuff? As my cooks only use the best tastin' Scientifically invented Monsanto ingredients available; As May be I'd better Tweet 'bout I-T?


Whilst Y'all might of heard 'bout Danica Patrick's recent sponsorship issues, for which her previous title sponsor claimed she was too busy doin' stretches on her Yoga Mat to talk ceasessly 'bout their Natural 100% Organic fig bakery bars... Or may be she was too busy in the bathroom, Ah Contraire Wee Wee!

And now that we Done Pulled Duh Plug upon sponsoring Queen Danica', we hear she's having a hard time payin' her rent, although we're not sure how we can claim a conflict 'O interest regarding her newest personal sponsor.


Danica Patrick
"They are a company that is all about helping people, and there are a lot of things I've done in my career that have been all about helping people."

After all, if my Gal Danica sez' they're A-L-L 'bout helping American's being First, then I say let the 'lil Filly run around our GURR-REAT! Country with Dem Advance Americre' stickers plastered on the back of her helmet! After All, it's NOT like she's leaving the country anytime soon. And we Don't have to worry 'bout her money goin' nowheres' South...

Uhm, what's Dat? Oh Mr. President, didn't you read the memo I left upon your desk? No, I'm too busy Tweetin' to my Daughter right now. And remind me to send Yvana some flowers for Valentine's Day; Nah scratch that. Hmm? May be I can convince Dem Fig lovin' Tree Huggin' Nature Bakers to send Yvana a truck load of those Fig Bars...


Now just tell me what the memo said, I'm a very busy man right now, I've got to build a Wall to help keep my Golf Balls from going outta  bounds', like those smarmy, cocksure Scottish people might keep me from building a Wall round my golf course on the Isle of White, but! We'll make Damn sure my golf balls don't roll outta bounds' upon that hard pack Arizonan Desert turf into Vicente Fox's backyard...

 Well! Speak up girl! Uhm, Mr. President, Advance America is owned by a Mexican company... Oh? And what's this Mexican company's name? their name? Uh, Uhm, it's named Groupo Elektra and it's a subsidiary of Groupo Salinas. So what's the Problema, I thought Salinas was in Southern California...


No Mr. President, Groupo Salinas is a group of companies a one Mr. Ricardo Salinas Pliego owns. And just who is this Richard Salinas? Uh-hum, he's a Billionaire and Forbes magazine says he's the fourth richest man in Mexico...

GAWD DAMM I-T! I told you NEVER to say the word Forbes Magazine in front of me! As they say I'm only worth half of what my Brand's worth!

Now, may be I'll need to work on some sorta reverse Tariff bill to keep our American's money here Stateside, just as soon as we fix up that travel ban we've been working on, and where's my Taco Salad I ordered for lunch...

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