Another enlightening Word Butcher’s question

Please forgive my delay in answering this question, but I’ve been a tad bit busy, eh? Most notably trying to put to bed my long awaited Blue Crown Spark Plug Specials Saga... Which morphed into a six part melody, as I became totally engrossed in this long forgotten era, not to mention going overboard on I500 qualifying news...

The Blue Crown Spark Plug Specials

And thus, without further ado, as I madly scramble to prepare for tripping the Light Fantastic in Speedway, IN, here’s the latest United Open Wheel Word Butcher’s Association question.

Weekly questione (5/03/09)
Whale there’s nothing’ likes a trips to the Doctor’s Office on Cinco de Mayo, as sadly “Mey-ic-coe” is getting HAMMERED (Virtually!) over some sorta influenza... HEY! Just like Bob Varsha said on Wind Tunnel bout Robin Miller’s cold... NO Swine flu jokes, please! But I digress...

"You have just started your own privateer Formula One team. You can pick any drivers and supplier's you want. Who do you pick?"

Answer:
Without going into my really LONG rant over the current Machiavellian maneuverings of Sir MAXXUM and Emperor Bernardo, which I’ll save for a further day’s scribbling, so here’s my somewhat quick thought’s upon the possibility of becoming an F1 Privateer Constructor. (Move over Kenny & Peter!)

Since I’m a “Privateer,” I assume this means I’m running in the Budget Cap Formulae Ranks... And although the Cosworth looks likely to be the highest revving “Lump” for 2010, I’ll go elsewhere and not the obvious pick at the moment. (Mercedes Benz) No, I’ll take a Ferrari 057 V-8 Lump please, along with the assorted running gear, but NO Thanks on Maranello’s KERS hardware; I’ll take the Reggie’s version instead.

For Driver’s this is an even harder decision... As there’s too many to choose from, i.e.; World Champions, Up ‘N Comer’s or Mid-packers; as my first pick is simple, it’s who his teammate is that’s the tough part! As Piloto Numero Uno Hands Down is the young German “Vunderkin” ‘Zebb, a.k.a.Sebastian Vettel, but who shall I pick next?

Obviously you’d have to think Fernando Alonso, Jenson Button, Lewis Hamilton, Robert Kubica, Felipe Massa and Kimi Raikkonen would be at the top of your shopping list, eh? While Sebastian Boomi, Nico Rosberg and Adrian Sutil would be Dark horses and Louise JAGUAR” Hamilton would be a great fit, but I’m NOT impressed by the recent “Ly-Gate” Shenanigan’s. Which Ferdi the Putz (F. Alonso) has also had his share of maliciousness previously and The Iceman (K. Raikkonen) has recently confessed that the Scuderia will be his final racing team. And I’m a huge fan of BLOODY ‘JENE’s (J. Button) but he’s getting a bit up there, which leaves me choosing between The Krakow Kid (R. Kubica) and the not so Cool Hand Luc Felipe Massa, as I really enjoy Kubica’s frankness and outright speed when he’s matched with a decent chassis, but since I’m sporting Italian powerplants I’ll go with the Hearts on his sleeves Brazilian, Messer Phil, (Massa) although I’m having second thoughts after his apparent meltdowns over the radio this season when under pressure and perhaps one Mister Button wouldn’t be such a terrible choice either? C’mon Phil, get a grip...

“Immer Ferrari!”

As I’d like to tell MAD Max to stick a fork in it, Mate. Saying such outrageous things like Formula 1 doesn’t need Ferrari; Ha! Get a clue Sir MAXXUM! And when are you & Emperor Bernardo gonna take a Pay Cut, eh?

UOWWBA Weekly Question

"With the lack of cars, how many cars do you expect at Indy this year?"

Whale, this week my answer’s gonna be pretty week... Especially since I think I’ve become a preferred stock member of the Nyquil “Put you in a coma” Nighttime cough medicine... Yep, I’m still recovering from a nasty case ‘O croop-itus, and thus, as Matt “Sham-Wow!” Chamois of the Other Side has already done the heavy lifting with his recapping of the potential IMS entry list...

33? UOWWB QOTW

And the fact that my math may be slightly obscured from the bottles ‘O Nyquil... As I’m having trouble getting to the hoped for 40 cars I’m gonna skip trying to reinvent the wheel so to speak... Although I thing Brian “I.H.J.” Braveheart’s comments of 35-36 cars sounds like another TEMPID “BOOMP DAY” to me... And the only driver who’s name seems to be outta the limelight is Davey “I Believe” Hamilton’s HP sponsored ride, as we’ve already heard all of the hoopla over the King, John Andretti and Scotty “Patron” Sharp... Although I’m left ponderin’ who in the heck could be Sarah Fisher’s teammate, eh? As I’m pondering’ whether or not perhaps this is just a back-up mule?

And according to Open Wheel curmudgeon Robin Miller on Dave Despain’s Wind Tunnel last night... Miller teased us all by saying that both Davey Hamilton and Paul “The Dream” Tracy should both be making splashes this weekend at Long Beach...

UOWWBA Weekly Question

"Of the unemployed drivers in the Indycar Series (see below) which two would you employ to join your racing team"
Ryan Hunter-Reay; Oriol Servia; Justin Wilson; Darren Manning; Buddy Rice; AJ Foyt IV; Bruno Junqueira; Enrique Bernoldi; Jaime Camara; Townsend Bell; Mario Dominguez; Jay Howard; Alex Lloyd or Tomas Sheckter.

Answer
First of all, lets subtract the drivers whom appear to already have been picked up off of the waiver wires; as Justin Wilson & Bruno Junqueira appear to be driving for Dale Coyne; while Jaime Camara could be potentially doing a TAG’ team effort with Alex Tagliani at Conquest and Buddy Rice seems a lock for the new Rubycon/PCM effort. Meanwhile I believe that Alex Lloyd is still a Ganassi employee, while Jay Howard has wisely returned to Indy Lights in order to pull a “RAFA,” with Ryan Hunter-Reay rumoured to be sniffing around the HVM compound...

Naturally the top choice would be between Hunter-Reay and Wilson, but I’m assuming there both gone. Thus I’d be hard pressed to pick two drivers out of the following five leading candidates: Bell, Dominguez, Manning, Scheckter and Servia; while Bernoldi could be a dark horse pick. Although Dominguez wouldn’t be in my overall mix, he could be a big asset to both the series and sponsors alike, since I’d assume his Mexican connections would be huge...

And Servia would be an Owners delight as he seems highly reliable and typically not hard on equipment, while Bell would seemingly fit into this category.

Thus I’d be really hard pressed over my three finalists: Bell, Manning and Scheckter, as I think Manning is an absolute hoot to be around, even if Super Tex fired him for being “Too Knackered!” He’d be my sentimental choice, but I’d go with Bell and Scheckter as this would give me a stable of quick, hungry lions wishing to prove their worthiness...

UOWWBA: Weekly Question

Many IRL drivers from last season have not been officially signed to a deal for 2009. This includes Ryan Hunter-Reay, Oriol Servia, Justin Wilson, Darren Manning, Buddy Rice, AJ Foyt IV, Bruno Junqueira, Enrique Bernoldi, Jaime Camara, Milka Duno, Townsend Bell, Mario Dominguez, and a few others. How many of these drivers will be driving in the IRL this season?

My Answer
Once again this will be fairly brief? As I find it rather silly to play Silly Season prognosticator... Although obviously I’d really like to see Justin Wilson continue on in Open Wheel Racing as he’s a proven winner and NO offense to Ryan “the Dude” Hunter-Reay; But I believe he’s got a better CV, mate. And as far as I’m aware of, (Shush Danny!) there’s only four bonafide seats available... Otay, perhaps as many as seven if all of the rumours were to happen, i.e.; Philippe Motorsports, RLR, etc.

Thus, in no particular order here are my predictions: Justin Wilson to KV Racing Technology... Sorry PT! But look for him to get a limited ride with somebody named Tony. While “Huntin’ for a Ride” will pardner EJ “Where’s my Pit Stall?” Viso at HVN.

“Suitcase” Servia will be Bruno “Whiney-bags” Junquiera’s teammate at Dale Coyne, with Enrique Bernoldi teaming up with “TAG” (Alex Tagliani) at Conquest, while Mario “Boom Boom” Dominguez will be Nelson Philippe’s dancin’ pardner. Townsend Bell will wind-up alongside D ‘N R’s new recruit Mike Conway and Milka-duh-licious will spot for Bad Bobby D and Son ‘O Stash... Oh yeah, almost forgot ‘bout Quattro, who after stickin’ his boss on the wedding guest list will get his seat back alongside Edward “F-Bombs R ‘Us” Carpentier!

Then again there’s always URGH! RASSCAR, eh? Or may be NOT!

UOWWBA: Weekly Question

Did Danica Patrick's GoDaddy.com commercials promote the IRL?

Although I did indeed watch 85-90% of the big herkin’ Football game... Albeit turning off the TV twice when I could no longer stomach the fact that it appeared the Cardinals would indeed lose... (And I’m NOT even a Stick ‘N ball fan to begin with!)

But, I must confess that I CANNOT stand the CRA$$ OVER-Commercialization of television and hence, mute as many advertisements as possible... thus I didn’t have the good fortune of catching the IRL’s media darling exclaiming her enhancement... Now if she could only do something to enhance her personality to Mwah, then perhaps I’d be slightly more impressed with her supposed talent...

Thus the answer is HELL NO!!! Princess Danicker didn’t do one damn thing to promote the IRL... And she never has; as ALL of her commercials are strictly aimed towards promoting her self image...

Woah Nellie! DON’T get me started, eh?

UOWWBA: Weekly Question

Here’s another potential UOWWBA situation:
If Lewis Hamilton and Scott Dixon switched places for the 2009 season, how would each driver fare in the other's league? Who would be more successful in 2009?

I find this to be a very entertaining question, as let’s recall that our current “Kiwi” Indy Car Champion has previously put the wellie to a Formula 1 chassis.

Scott Dixon (March, 2004)
"I'm very excited about heading to Paul Ricard at the end of next week for my first taste of a Formula One car, although the real test will be in April in Barcelona,"

These words were gleamed from a 2004 BMW press release, as Dixon was given a brief taste of F1 By the Williams/BMW team, whom at the time were running the great Ralfanso, a.k.a. famous brother of Michael Schumacher, along with Juan “DON’T call me MAC!” Montoya... In which apparently Dixon didn’t do enough to impress the overly stiff lipped Sir Frank, as Scott would retain his employment for the Cheepster (Chip Ganassi) instead.

Yet, other notable Indy Car talent have tested for F1 over the years, with Willy T. Ribbs, Paul Tracy and Al Unser Jr. coming to mind, while I can think of four former CART champions who’ve had varying degrees of success in what is considered the pinnacle of motorsport. (Formula One)
These four drivers are none other then: Michael Andretti, Jacques Villeneuve, Alex Zanardi and Juan Pablo Montoya. (Although Zanardi had a previous stint in F1 prior to making the switch)

And as we know, Mikey didn’t have the best of times during his lone aborted season in 1993; after all he was teammates with somebody named Ayrton... Although he did finish on the podium in his final race at Monza, Italy; but obviously Jacques was the most successful of this quartet, by winning the 1997 F1 World Championship, with Montoya being second best, having notched up seven career wins, 13 poles and 30 podiums before making the audacious jump to URRGH! RASSCAR... Although his Sports Car career isn’t going too badly either, eh? While Zanardi never seemed to be in the right place at the right time in Formula 1, having less than stellar rides at Lotus and Williams.

And a long overused quote claims: “You can make an oval racer outta a road course specialist a HELL of a lot easier than the other way round!”

Just ask triple world champion Nelson Piquet about this, eh? Yet, I’m not certain that applies 100% of the time, as I’m guessing that Lewis Hamilton would adapt quite quickly, while I’m certain that Dixon would be no slouch Across the Pond, given competitive equipment, since the jury’s still out upon the MP4-24 after F1’s radical rules revision this year...

So, I’m guessing that both drivers would succeed in either discipline, but I’d have to give the nod to the young Messer Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton...

UOWWBA: Weekly Questions

Whale, I’m still basking in the glow of Sunny Arizona, although I must confess there’s been an overly large amount of the bright yellow thingy up here in Seattle since my return, which seems most out of place after our previous winter storm of ’08, as last nights forcast called for another dusting of SNOW... But I digress...

And thus, I’m still trying to figure out which day to work the weekly United Open Wheel Word Butcherer’s Association (UOWWBA) question into the No Fenders weekly rotation as well as playing Ketsup with the previous items, as Joel asks the tough questions – And I try to answer.

Pop goes the Driver
(Hypothetical Question)
If Ryan Hunter-Reay or Justin Wilson were offered a full-time seat at the newly rumored Pacific Coast Motorsports/Rubicon racing team, should they take the ride or hold out and hope for a ride with Rahal, N/H/L, or Penske?

In this uncertain time of sponsorship dollars, I’d think it would be prudent to grab any potential ride that is a reasonable offer as the chances of another Penske seat becoming available is now certainly no longer an option, as well as it appears that Newman Haas Lanigan will potentially take either The Hamburgular (Bourdais) or Bad Bobby D (Doornbos) who would appear to be in the driver’s seat since he’s actually got dinero to spend!

And although Ryan “The Dude” Hunter-Reay would most likely wish to return to Rahal Lettermen Racing, I’d think it was most paramount for him to land an Indy Car ride, thus taking whatever decent opportunities are available.

Hell, why couldn’t Justin Wilson wind-up at RHR instead? Although I’m still a bit perplexed why KV Racing Technology isn’t giving the British “Big Unit” a glance? As Paul Tracy is the rumoured target.

Then again how come Servia’s name isn’t being mentioned and is it really possible that Tony George won’t scrounge into his pockets and field a second car for “Quattro” (AJ Foyt IV) on his own team? Or perhaps dump Quattro in favour of Justin? Yet it seems that Team 3G is being completely left out of the equation, since they’ve been rumoured to be putting together a two car effort? Not to mention the open seat at HVM Racing... And then there’s always Dale Coyne Racing, which could potentially see the unlikely tag team of “Whiney-bags” and Mr. Chrome Horn with sponsorship from Monster... Now all we’d need is some sort of Monster Truck tie-in, eh?

Aw, its just like the Good ‘Ol Dazes of As the Chump Car Vurld Series Turns!

Tastes Great vs. Less Filling?
Is the prominence of foreign drivers in the league hurting the IRL?
NO!

Obviously, that Is the short answer to this somewhat loaded question. Thus without getting into any great dissertations on Foreign vs. Home Grown talent, suffice it to say, this is simply a fact of life. If Y’all will recall; ‘lil Napoleon set up his liddle racing sandbox to be made up primarily of American drivers racing around in circles... Hmm? ‘Dat sounds a bit like somme-thung called RASSCAR! Although the IRL has had a steady stream of foreign (paying) drivers since its inception; Hell, I bet Y’all don’t even recall that it had Nissan engines to begin with, eh?

And like its predecessor CART, there have always been foreign drivers and there ALWAYS WILL BE! As long as mega amounts of dinero are required to compete in the higher echelons of motor racing, as I wonder how many of you were fans of BLOODY NIGE, EMMO, Alex Zanardi, JPM, etc.

No, to me the question isn’t the nationality of drivers, it’s the total lack of attention from our mainstream corporate entities who’ve all been smitten to plunk down millions upon the perceived “Good ‘Ol Boyzs” turnin’ left in Roundy-round, which due to Tony George’s arrogance, sucked the lifeblood out of Open Wheel Racing!

Ironically the split is 50-50 on top name drivers currently seeking rides in the IRL (excluding Paul Tracy) with AJ Foyt IV, Ryan Hunter Reay, Oriel Servia and Justin Wilson all wandering around the garages of Gasoline Alley... And that’s not including Jay Howard, Alex Lloyd or Tomas “Rock-em, Sock-em” Scheckter... With no word on Milka Duno or Townsend Bell’s return to Dreyer & Reinbold this season, thus putting the score of currently unemployed drivers at 7-3 Foreigners vs. Americano’s...

Well, Ok, looks like the tide has shifted a bit once again with D & R’s announcement of hiring Britain’s Mike Conway, which would seem to leave Buddy Rice out in the cold, but it now appears that the N/H/L seat may be up for grabs again with rumours claiming that The Hamburgular will retain his ride at Scuderia Toro Rosso... and the Pacific Coast Motorsports gig may not include Mario “Boom-Boom” Dominguez?

And after all... Weren’t we all Foreigners to begin with?

So, two down – One to go, as I’m now partially up to date, along with taking suggestions for which day I should post “My Take” on the weekly UOWWBA question. So as Derrick Daly would say; “Hold onto your Holly-hocks!”

UOWWBA: Marco Andretti re-signs

Marco Andretti re-signed with AGR for the 2009 season a few weeks ago but this begs a question that has been asked many times: Does Marco Andretti improve or hurt his teammates at Andretti Green Racing?

I really don’t know how to answer this question... Is Marco the best driver out there currently available? Will he and Danica Patrick continue their High School shenanigans? Will Marco win another race soon? Will he challenge for this year’s championship? Should he have waited to sign with Roger Penske? Obviously only time will tell, as it’ll be interesting to see if Hideki Mutoh outperforms him or not this season, as I’d currently rate Marco as either the number 2 or 3 driver at Andretti Green Racing, with Dan-Dan-Danicker bringing up the rear... As I’d have to rate Justin Wilson, Ryan Hunter-Reay, Will Power and Oriel Servia ahead of him in driver talent, but hey, what are yuh gonna do when you’re the bosses son, eh?

UOWWBA: X-Mas wish list

This week’s question;
What's on this year's Christmas List for the IRL?

Well for starter’s;

I’d guess that EJ (Ernesto) “What Me Worry?” Viso and Princess Danicker will continue to be naughty...
And a full grid would be nice
While I’m sure ‘lil Napoleon
Is checkin’ his list ‘O potential sponsors twice...

So, in no particular order...
Fully funded season rides for Justin Wilson, Ryan Hunter-Reay, AJ Foyt IV, Oriel Servia and Will Power...

New title sponsors for Newman Haas Lanigan , KV Racing Technology and gasp! Vision Racing...

A full season two car team for Rahal Letterman Racing with the Hamburgular as their lead driver with “The Dude” back for his sophomore season with the team... (As we wanna see Sea Bass kicking ARSE for somebody besides Penske, Ganassi or AGR!)

Portland getting its FRILLIN’ race back! (Finally)

A return of a 24-26 car grid, with lots of hard working crew people getting to work the entire year...

Sarah Fisher Racing running the entire season...

Jay Howard and Alex Lloyd landing full time rides...

Milka Duno scoring her first podium...

UOWWBA: Talent Search

Continuing on with our theme of IRL talent spotting, the current “Hot-button” issue of the moment is;

UOWWBA Question:
You have just been appointed to be the new "talent scout" for the IRL. Your first mission is to bring 5 drivers to the series. These can be former drivers from Indycar or from any other series. Which 5 would you pick and why?


Robert Wickens/James Hinchcliffe
Sentimentally; I’d pick the young “Wicky” whom I’m guessing is Oh Kan-ah-duh’s next great F1 hope, although “Hinge” is not too shabby himself and after all did bestow the moniker of Wicky upon Messer Robert’s, while Kevin Lacroix comes to mind also.

Honorable mention: Paul Tracy
Mr. Chrome Horn; as I only shied away from ‘Ol PT ‘cause Mr. 16th & G. had already picked him, but if you wanna sell tickets Up North Eh? Then Tracy’s a must!


Dillon Battistini
This young British lion seems quite capable of running towards the front in the Indy Car World Series and I just so happen to really like his last name! After having gotten off to a really fast start in the Firestone Indy Lights championship last year, his rookie campaign tailed off slightly when switching teams for reasons unknown. But I’d expect him to be a possible series winner in ’09.

Honorable mention: Alex Lloyd; Jay Howard
Both of these past Indy Pro Series champions are most deserving of rides and if the IRL is to put its money where its mouth is, then they need to start having their marquee feeder series championship (Flinstone Indy Lites) drivers racing in the big league!


John Edwards
John is an impressive racer, originally from Little Rock, AR, he was the youngest ever driver to be picked for the Red Bull driver search and spent time in Italy racing go karts. He then spent a season in the Champ Car Atlantics racing alongside James Hinchcliffe at Gerald Forsythe’s Red Bull backed operation, before earning his personal Driver’s License. John then subsequently lost his funding, and while searching for a new ride, Edwards landed in the Star Mazda series and went onto become the 2008 Champion even without contesting the entire season. For 2009, Edwards will graduate to the Atlantics Championship with Newman Wachs Racing, as part of his winning the title, not to mention a cool $750,000 Bonus!

Honorable mention: Alexander Rossi; Connor Daly; Josef Newgarden
I know very little about these three up ‘N comers, yet; Rossi just won the BMW World Finals, Daly won the Walter Hayes trophy and Newgarden won the Formula Ford Festival.


Esteban Gutierrez
Esteban has just won the BMW European Championship quite convincingly and is regarded as a true up ‘N coming talent, and would probably compliment Mario “Boom-Boom” Dominguez nicely, as I’d guess that he could be a big draw with the South of the Border fan base.

Honorable mention: David Martinez; Memo Rojas
Both seem to be vastly underrated drivers, as Martinez performed quite admirably in his limited Champ Car drives as Tracy’s substitute at Forsythe Racing, while Rojas has just won the Daytona Prototype championship as Scott Prueet’s co-driver.


Bruno Senna
How can you go wrong with a last name like that? Although I suspect that the young nephew of the late, great triple World Champion Ayrton is completely focused upon F1, I can only guess how cool it would be to have him in the cockpit of a Marlboro Team Penske race car with that Yellow helmet, causing a flood of memories of the past. And besides his Honda F1 ride appears to be toast.

Honorable mention: Rubens Barrichello; Felipe Massa; Ana Beatriz
Rubino is probably a tad too old and Ana is still working her way up the ladder, (Although it would be fun to see Princess with some more competition. Hey I know! Milka & Bia could tag-team up against her. Yeah, that’s the ticket!) While Felipe is busy kicking ASS in F1!

UOWWBA: Penske Driver nominees

So, perhaps you’re the head of Penske Racing? What do you do in regards to the pending “Hulio” court case? As this is the question posed by a new site in the Blogosphere, which is worth checking out just for its namesake alone: United Open-Wheel Word Butchers Association, (UOWWBA) or “U-Owoba” for short? Now all we need as Chairman Emeritus is some cat named Jeffry Olsen...

United Open-Wheel Word Butchers Association

UOWWBA Question:
As the new chairman of Penske Racing it is your job to find a replacement for Helio Castroneves. Who do you pick and why?

Obviously, having been inserted as The Captain’s new whipping boy )or gal) you’ll need a contingency plan in case your star driver has to trade in his nomex driving boots and forgoe his blue suede shoes for whatever is standard prison issue, eh?

And I’m most certain that the phone’s been ringing off the hook with drivers seeking possible employment, yet the question is do I pick a sentimental favourite or try to go with a potential future winner, as the choices abound.

Ryan Hunter-reay, Oriel Servia, Will Power and Justin Wilson would seem to be at the top of the list, and my sentimental pick would be Wilson, as the Brit is a very no nonsense type of guy, never seems to publicly bash opponents and is very quick. Yet, I think the sleeper out of this quartet is the Aussie Will Power.

Then there’s “PT, Junky and TAG” but I think they’re all probably past their prime. (Sorry guys, that always sounds bad towards drivers who are still relatively young)

Of course we could try to go a different route, like picking a Formula 1 piloto, as Sebastian Bourdais immediately comes to mind, even if the Frenchman has accomplished everything he can stateside, he’s still probably one of the best drivers out there!

Or perhaps somebody not on the radar screens, like Anthony Davidson, Neal Jani, Darren Manning, Alex Lloyd and Jay Howard.

Or how about some up ‘N comer from the Firestone Indy Lights, Atlantics Championship, Star Mazda or Formula BMW series, like Robert Wickens, James Hinchcliffe, Kevin Lacroix, the Mansell brothers, John Edwards, Dillon Battistini and Arie Luyendyk Jr. or Open Wheel Racing phenoms like Markus Niemela and Esteban Gutierrez.

And if you’re trying to stick with a Brazilian, how about Rubens Barrichello, who’s previously been rumoured to have a shot at Castroneves cockpit, or even more adventurous yet, put Ana Beatriz in the seat.

Of course this is all just conjecture, as far as I know, the seat’s still Hulio’s and it would seem a shame to shove him out prematurely, as I’m certain several of the drivers above are seeking full time employment, but I’d have to pick between Justin or Will if it was up to me, as Justin Wilson is my favourite Champ Car, OOPS! Err, Indy Car World Series driver... And its just been announced that KV Racing Technology will indeed be returning next season, which would seem to take Will Power out of the equation...