Sergio, Felipe is Faster than You!

Otay, could have gone for one of the multitudes 'O cheesy plays upon Thee Hills 'O Salzburg are filled with thy Sounds of Mercedes.. Or the sounds of Williams, etc, since after all we're back in Austria for the first time in 11yrs with the scenic Alps in the background.

And still not quite sure where Felipe Massa pulled that Flyer of a lap out from, as the affable Brazilian upstaged his younger team-mate Valtteri Bottas, who apparently made a mistake on his final Q3 Qualie' run, enabling Massa to score his first Pole position since Brazil, 2008; Aye Karumba! As the TV Pundits pointed out it had been 94-races (or is it Caps?) since he last was P1.

'Ol Hobbo (David Hobbs) also mentioned that it had been ten years since Team 'Willy, nee Williams Grand Prix; Err Williams Martini Racing had locked out the front row of a Grand Prix, last occurring in Germany, nearly 11yrs ago in Hockenheim on august 3rd,2003 when Pole sitter Juan Pablo Montoya won the race whilst his team-mate, the great Ralfanzo', nee Michael's famous brother Ralf Schumacher retired his Williams-BMW after starting alongside 'Monty.

Thus, the fairytale ending to this weekend's return to Spielberg, would see Massa being victorious with Bottas dually coming home second ahead of 'Brittany. (Nico Rosberg) Although I don't expect the race's finish to mirror today's qualifying, which thankfully somebody other than a Mercedes claimed Pole...

GOOD LUCK FELIPE!

F1: 2014 Qualifying Format tweaks clarified...

Just spotted this news about some last minute rules clarifications regarding the latest F1 Qualifying procedures. Having already known about the extra set of tyres granted for the Q3 'Qualie session intended to entice the Top-10 runners to actually complete laps in the final session instead of saving their precious Pirelli rubber for the race, this decision has actually been tweaked further with the entire grid receiving an extra set of Pirelli's softest rubber compound of the corresponding race weekend according to James Allen...

Drivers react to Qualifying changes ahead of Melbourne

Yet a different article tells a different story - along with actually revealing the slight time modifications to the Q1 and Q3 'Qualie sessions...

FIA approves Formula 1 Qualifying changes for 2014 season

As Q1 will be shaved by two minutes to 18, while Q3 will increase by the same two minute interval to 12 - while the Top-10 runners will need to run upon their extra set of Pirelli's before handing them back before starting upon their Q2 tyres, whilst reportedly Positions 11-22 will be allowed to utilize their extra set of rubber during the race. As basically, qualifying should remain the same except for the Top-10 runners having an extra two minutes to ensure one further changing of tyres in the run for Pole...

Hamilton excluded from Spanish GP after claiming Pole position...

So it was a fairly enjoyable ‘Qualie session this morning - which I watched from the Easy Chair at Tomaso Manor... Although I must say I was rootin’ against “Louise ‘JAGUAR” Hamilton sweeping to Pole whilst in the dying moments thee ‘Kimster (Kimi Raikkonen) had knocked ‘Homeboy Fredrico Suave (Alonso) from the Catbyrd seat...

And where did this Pastor Maldonado chap come from, eh? Holy Toto Wolves Batman! As I was more impressed by Maldonado’s debutant front row finish than Hamilton’s Pole position, which was to be  McLaren’s 150^th Pole...

But it was all for naught, as I was wondering what’s up with the Brit having stopped on track on his cool down lap, as it’d later turn out that  somebody at McLaren had not topped off the fuel tanks properly; Aye Karumba! Hmm? Hope it wasn’t the same Bloody chap who’d done a similar thingy to both Dashley LePew (Dario Franchitti) and Scott Dixon at last year’s Indy 500; YIKES!

And perhaps it’s just Mwah; BUTT! Did I miss something? As SPEED’s Bob Varsha quoted that it was Team Willy’s first Front-row start in some six-years - since Mark ‘Handlebarz Webber had sat on the Front-row at Monaco... WTF? Doesn’t thee Incredible Hulk’s (Nico Hulkenberg) shock Pole at Sao Paolo, Brazil at the Interlagos circuit in 2010 count?

And I don’t know if it’s got something to do with the lack of tyres or not? But isn’t it interesting that Sergio Perez, both Lotuses or Loti and Mercedes Nico Rosberg ALL qualified ahead of Master ‘Zebb (Vettel) who wound-up provisionally P8! As now everybody on the grid will move forward one place thanks  to Hamilton’s subsequent Post-qualifying penalty, as Lewis will roll off P24!

OH SHIT! Does this mean that Alonso could potentially win the race by jumping ahead of the newcomer Maldonado and then keeping him at bay the rest of the way? Tune-in tomorrow...

Hamilton penalty hands Maldonado his first Pole-position

Bright lights to Shine on Abu Dhabi Formula 1 Season Finale

(Jenson Button; Source: grandprix.com)

It’s funny – as in funny HA-HA! Strange to have to root against ‘Juan Red Bull Racing Gran Primo Piloto in order for the other to win his very first Formula One World Championship; as Y’all may know I’ve been rootin’ for Aussie Mark Webber to take this year’s crown... Albeit I was also pullin’ for Will Power, so may be its the Kiss ‘O Death for the ‘Aussie’s, eh?

Thus I found myself feeling utterly MISERABLE upon Master ‘Zebb winning the Brazilian Grand Prix, as I’ll just NOT believe it... If “Deeter Majestik” has simply GIFTED Fredrico Suave (Alonso) his third F1 Drivers Title; SHEISA! Unless it’s all part of Red Bulls Master Plan, eh? Yet I’m simply surprised how little seems to be being said ‘bout this ludicrously! (Although the SPEED BOYZ have been fairly critical ‘bout Red Bull GIFTING Alonso his third Drivers Crown...)

Vettel wins in Brazil – The Air is Thin in Austria

Practice - Friday
The day apparently started off with a rare rain shower wiping the circuit clean of its expected rubber build-up, as Free Practice 1 (FP1) saw Master ‘Zebb, a.k.a. Sebastian Vettel top the Time Sheets with a lap of 1:42.760, followed closely by Lewis Hamilton, Jenson Button, Mark Webber, Robert Kubica and Fernando Alonso.

In the afternoon’s FP2 session, McLaren’s “Louise ‘JAGUAR” (Hamilton) bounded his way to the top of the Time Sheets with a 1:40.888 flyer, with Master ‘Zebb a scant 0.2 seconds adrift, followed by Fredrico Suave, (Alonso) Mark Webber and “the Krakow Kid” (Kubica) in the Top-5...

Qualifying - Saturday
The morning’s third Free Practice session (FP3) saw the two Red Bulls on top with Vettel leading Webber, followed by Hamilton, Alonso and ‘JENSE rounding out the Top-5.

The only major surprise of Qualifying would have to be Robert Kubica failing to advance to the Q3 final Qualifying session for the very first time this year – leaving only the two Red Bull drivers to have made the Q3 ‘Qualie session all 19-races this year...

Although there was a bit of drama with Hamilton momentarily lurking down in P17 in the Q2 session, whilst Mercedes Nico Rosberg seemed to be toying with us by throwing down very fast lap times, but it all shook out in the final sessions closing moments – ‘Zebb having thrown down the gauntlet to nab his tenth pole of the season – joining six former World Champions to have accomplished the rare feat in a Grand Prix campaign. Hamilton wound-up just a scant six-thousand’s of a second behind, whilst Fredrico (Alonso) elevated himself into third place on his final lap, with Button fourth and Webber having to be disappointed with his fifth place result... As Alonso has gotta be smiling to himself, eh? As it was noted that this is the very first time in Formula One history that four Drivers have been (mathematically) alive for the World Championship in the series final round...So who’ll be crowned the 2010 F1 Drivers World Champion?

2010 Drivers Championship – Final Four

1) Fernando Alonso; 246 Points
2) Mark Webber; 238pts (-8)

3) Sebastian Vettel; 231pts (-15)
4) Lewis Hamilton; 222pts (-24)

(As of Round 18 – Brazilian GP)

Good Luck Mark!

Brazil Qualifying – Hulk flexes his Muscles

(Nico Hulkenberg; Source: f1fanatic.co.uk)

And we’re down to the wire, as its time once again for the penultimate Grand Prix race of the 2010 Formula 1 season! As I’m busy playin’ Ketsup on my racing coverage... (Again!) As I was pre-occupied yesterday & originally thought I’d be pulling a ‘Double by watching the Friday Practice & Saturday Qualifying Back-to-Back – sometime Saturday; CRIKEYS! (Having just watched a most enjoyable outcome at Interlagos...)

As hopefully Webber can grab another Pole Position with Master ‘Zebb as his Wingman – for another Red Bull Front Row lockout, eh? Although NO word on ‘Weather or Not that funky wet stuff will appear during Saturday’s festivities?

Meanwhile there’s still 50 points on the table for the next two race wins...

2010 Drivers Championship – Top 5

P1) Fernando Alonso; 231 Points
P2) Mark Webber; 220pts

P3) Lewis Hamilton; 210pts

P4) Sebastian Vettel; 206pts
P5) Jenson Button; 189pts

(As of Round 17 – Korea)

Practice - Friday
In typical fashion, once again it was the Red Bull Freightrain pulling onto the front row of the Grid, as Master ‘Zebb, a.k.a. Sebastian Vettel led the parade ahead of teammate Mark Webber. While Fredrico Suave, a.k.a. Fred Alonso was third, even after having shut off his Ferrari lump during the day’s first Free Practice (FP1) session, whilst teammate Felipe Massa saw his Seamless Shift transmission try selecting two gears at once after hitting a nasty bump in FP2.

The two Woking title protagonists, “Louise ‘JAGUAR” (Hamilton( & ‘JENSE (Button) of McLaren were fourth and seventh respectively, split by Massa (P5) and “The Krakow Kid,” nee Robert Kubica, (P6) with the biggest Top-10 surprise being “Quick Nick’s” (Heidfeld) Sauber in eighth and the Mercedes duo of Nico Rosberg once again leading “Schuey” home for the final two placing’s of the first ten spots on the days Timesheet...

Qualifying - Saturday
And then the rain came, as Kubica was fastest in the morning’s WET Free Practice session, (FP3) before we were once again watching the cars slither around in the “wet Stuff!” As the Q1 session saw the most inclement weather conditions. As ironically Adrian Sutil failed to move onto Q2 for the first time this year and claimed his teammate was absolutely ‘Rubbish out there... As the two drivers almost collided, whilst the Red Bull Duo were happy to wait out the remaining minutes of the session in the garage; just being nipped by “Ferdi-the-Putz!” (Alonso) Who bolted on a fresh set of “Interz” (Intermediate tyres) with Webber second & Vettel third; Button was eighth & Hamilton was ninth, with the surprise of the session being Sauber’s “K-Squared” (Kamui Kobayashi) in fifth.

Moving onto Q2, once again it was the ‘Zebb “N Webber Show, as the Red Bull Duo moved forward one spot apiece; with Webber P1 and Vettel P2.

Hamilton was fourth and ‘Ferdi sixth, while the title competitors were split by somebody I like to call DER TERMINATOR, nee M. Schumacher...

Once again qualifying was unkind to current World Champion Button – who has a propensity for shunning the front half of the Grid in Sao Paolo; having missed the Top-10 since 2005... Thus once again it wasn’t to be ‘JENSE’s day as local Hero Massa squeaked by to take the final slot for Q3, while uncharacteristically, Nico Rosberg also missed the cut and would ultimately be out qualified by Herr Schumacher for only the fourth time this season...

P11) Jenson Button, McLaren. (-42pts)
P13) Nico Rosberg, Mercedes.

Then it was onto the ‘Final Cut, as shockingly – The Incredible Hulk came outta NOWHERES! As the young German Nico Hulkenberg blitzed the entire field to secure his debutant Grand Prix Pole – in his Rookie season! As it was pretty funny to hear SPEED’s Bob Varsha calling Master ‘Zebb a “Grizzled Veteran,” especially since he noted Vettel’s only 47-days old-ER then The Hulkster; Hya! Although I haveda say it didn’t look like Nico’s uniform sleeves were deranged at all during the Top-3 interviews... Oh Never Mind! As I’m sure the neighbors were wunderin’ what all of my jubilant exaltations were about, eh? While Vettel seemed pretty happy and I thought that even Webber seemed relieved during his Post ‘Qualie interview.

It was also noted that it was “Team Willie’s” (Williams) first Pole since Nick Heidfeld’s 2005 European GP triumph and Cosworth’s first No. 1 spot since 1999; Aye Karumba! To which Williams F1 Co-owner said,

Patrick Head: “The boy’s obviously got a future!”

Q3 “Qualie Results
Pole) Nico Hulkenberg, Williams; P2) Sebastian Vettel, Red Bull; (-25pts) P3 ) Mark Webber, Red Bull; (-11 pts) P4) Lewis Hamilton, McLaren; (-21pts) P5) Fernando Alonso, Ferrari; (Points leader) P6) Rubens Barrichello, Williams; P7) Robert Kubica, Renault; P8) Michael Schumacher, Mercedes; P9) Felipe Massa, Ferrari; P10) Vitaly Petrov, Renault.

Brazil Qualifying in Pictures

F1: Singapore notes

Whale, it’s getting down to the Nitty Gritty, eh? As it was noted by SPEED’s F1 Pitboy “Willy Buxom” that we’re currently in the tightest Drivers Points battle since 1962 when five drivers were in a similar points ‘Scrum with five races remaining... Which if I recall correctly went down to the final round with three Drivers in the Hunt in Mexico City before Graham Hill was victorious...

2010 Drivers Championship
P1) Mark Webber; 187 points
P2) Lewis Hamilton; 182 pts
P3) Fernando Alonso; 166 pts
P4) Jenson Button; 165 pts
P5) Sebastian Vettel; 163 pts
(As of Round 14 – Monza, Italy)

Friday Notes
Thus it was quite enjoyable to have these Top-5 Combatants taking the day’s Top-5 times, albeit the Red Bull Duo looks overly strong with Master ‘Zebb being six-tenths ahead of his Aussie teammate Webber. Who was a further four-tenths clear of ‘JENSE (Button) in P3. “Ferdi-the-Putz” (Alonso) was fourth after having missed the last 21mins with a mysterious “Dead-stick” malady, while the young Louise ‘JAGUAR (Hamilton) was fifth; minus 1.158 seconds to Vettel.

Interestingly it was noted that McLaren was claiming to experience some Electrical “Gremlins” at the notorious circuit where Mark Webber’s Red Bull chassis unexplainably decided to select two gears simultaneously, which the Team believes was caused by the Underground Subway?

F1: the Bright lights of Singapore – 2009 Edition

And it was also mentioned how the City has improved the lighting plus added high-visibility paint to walls, etc to aid the drivers during the weekend’s event. Here’s a story I scribbled ‘bout the lighting back in ’08 prior to “Crash Gate.”

Singapore tests lighting

Meanwhile on the driver front, while I’d already mentioned ‘Quick Nick’s return to competition for Sauber, I was surprised to here that Christian Klien was substituting for “Sacko-Moneyato,” a.k.a. Sakon Yamamoto who reportedly has come down with a case of Food Poisoning, which F1 Cynics are noting could be due to other “Financial” reasons. As I’ve heard somewheres’ that Hispania could even potentially bump its way into Tenth in the Constructors battle which would be excellent for the little Team that Could! As the FIA doles out travel incentives to the first 10-place finishers in the Constructors Championship...

And somehow I’d missed that Klien had previously driven in Friday morning stints for HRT, albeit he hasn’t contested a Formula 1 race since being ousted from Red Bull at the conclusion of the 2006 season...

Adding insult-to-injury, Force India’s Adrian Sutil not only walloped the kerbs, going airborne and breaking his left Front suspension, but was fined $10,000 for not pulling off track quickly enough. Deciding to first try limping back to the Pits with wounded Racecar before the Team instructed him to pull off-course, but the Stewards deemed his actions weren’t swift enough and levied said fine upon him...

Saturday Notes
Then again, there’s a reason that they run Qualifying, eh? As we’ll shortly discover that the fastest in Practice wasn’t necessarily on the top ‘O the Time sheets come Saturday...

Yet we started off the ‘Qualie Show by Will Buxton interviewing Virgin’s Timo Glock and telling him; “you’re naught-8 seconds clear of all the other new teams...” To which Glock was pretty diplomatic and said we’ll see what happens? As Glock wound-up 18th and “Best-of-the-Rest,” nee New Teams in a game of Virgin-Lotus Leapfrog...

And it was nice that SPEED actually spent some time profiling ‘N talking-up the three New Teams thru the closing stages of Q1, albeit Hispania’s Bruno Senna spun... While it was noted that both newcomers Christian Klien and Nick Heidfeld were faster then their teammates in Q1...

Mercedes GP and Virgin both reported having lost their Telemetry during Q1, but the biggest disappointment obviously went to Felipe Massa and his stricken Ferrari, as Massa’s F10 came to a sudden halt, causing a Red flag to be thrown with 10:35 remaining in the first Qualifying session... As Massa’s radio was replayed with him saying I think its engine? Before being listed as P24 with No Time due to a troubling Transmission Electronics fault, (Gearbox) albeit Luca di Montezemolo was quick to point out it wasn’t any Electrical Surging from the track circuit... As Alonso suffered from an experimental transmission piece failure on Friday and then had to pit suddenly during ‘Q2 to fix a similar electronics issue which he later revealed was an Engine Mapping problem before moving onto ‘Q3.

Also waiting ‘til the last moment to improve was Michael Schumacher, who’d been mired down in P17 the majority of the second session before a late Flyer-lap saw him sneak into ‘Q3 in P9, followed by Sauber’s Kamui Kobayashi, who outqualified his vastly experienced teammate Heidfeld, who finished 15th in his F1 return.

And then the Gauntlet was thrown down as Fernando, Vettel, Hamilton and Button all traded fast laps whilst hunting for the Pole which Alonso took in the latter stages, his and Ferrari’s second consecutive Pole Position after a 30-race drought. Master ‘Zebb (Vettel) was just fractions of a second behind in P2, having even apparently brushed the wall in the final moments, while ‘JAGUAR (Hamilton) took the final Post-race interview seat, (third)as the McLaren Boyz ‘Louise ‘N ‘JENSE (Button)locked out the second row of the grid with Webber P5. Followd by ‘Rubino, (Barrichello) Nico Rosberg, ‘The Krakow Kid, (Robert Kubica) Schuey And “K-Squared” (Kobayashi) respectively...

F1: Monza notes

(Felipe Massa at Monza; source: F1 Fanatic.co.uk)

Yeah, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted any in-depth Grand Prix race weekend notes... As I’m sitting on a bevy ‘O GP Reports that I’ll publish in the upcoming future in order to bring my Top-8 scribblins’ up to date... Meanwhile here’s a bunch of items that caught my attention over the weekend at Juan ‘O the most inspiring Formula 1 venues, as Y’all just cannot beat the atmosphere of the Tiafosi at the legendary Autodromo Nazionale Monza.

Friday NotesWhale it was kinda ironic to hear Ralph Sheheen’s voice as the Practice 2 lead announcer, as I’d just heard him for two days over the PA system at The Brickyard, during the Indy MOTO GP weekend. (Another story I’m trying to put-to-Bed...) As first Ralph said that Bob Varsha was stranded in the Las Vegas desert before noting that Varsha was busy spending his last few Quarters in “Los Wages” before flying back to Charlotte... As I rather enjoyed Sheheen’s work, especially as he seemed extra funny ‘N quick witted, causing both ‘Hobbo “N Professor Matchett to chortle out loud. As it was a fairly humourous day’s coverage with Newboy Will Buxton pleading for Pity from David Hobbs for forgetting he was a McLaren F1 Driver... To which ‘Hobbo said Best Pit Reporter? That Westbury Gilette was a pretty good Bloke; Hya!

The Scuderia (Ferrari) has amassed a most impressive grouping of records at Monza, with an unprecedented 17 victories, 18 Pole Positions, 47 Front Row starts and 59 Podiums... As Alberto Ascari scored Ferrari’s maiden triumph in 1951; Phil Hill became the very first American to ever win a Grand Prix, scoring two-thirds of his three F1 career victories at Monza; his first & last, (1960, 1961) and also won the ’61 Belgian GP in an unprecedented Top-4 places sweeping by la Scuderia.

Ironically Hill shares the somber experience of clinching his World Championship at Monza when his teammate was killed with Mario Andretti, as I’ve just noticed they both experienced this upon the same day (Sept 10) 17yrs apart.

John surtees won at Monza for the Tiafosi way back in 1964, while DER TERMINATOR, nee Michael Schumacher has won for the Scuderia five times (nearly 30% of total) with his last victory coming in 2006 on the day he announced his first retirement...

Scuderia Toro Rosso’s Sebastian Buemi aboard the customer Ferrari lump set the day’s fastest time thru the Speed-trap with an impressive 214mph in a “NON F-Duct” configuration, albeit “Jungle Boy,” nee Antonia Pizzonia (2004) holds the Official Top speed at 229.9mph. While JPM, a.k.a. Juan Pablo Montoya (2005) set an unofficial terminal velocity of 231mph!

Pizzonia was substituting for “Monty’s” (JPM) favourite Sparring ‘Pardner “Ralfanso.” (Ralf Schumacher) Blistering the Monza circuit in an FW26 Williams-BMW 3.0 liter V-10 at 369.9kph; SHEISA! Whilst Montoya did his time behind the wheel of a McLaren MP4-20 Mercedes V-10, albeit 2004 was the height of modern F1 machinery’s ‘Aero configuration with the three-liter V-10’s...

Timo Glock’s Virgin blown away Ontrack by The Amazing Hulk, nee Nico Hulkenberg, as Ralph Sheheen commented it looked like the Virgin had the paint sucked right off it! As interestingly both chassis are powered by the Cosworth lump, which left me wondering if this startling performance difference was the difference between Wind Tunnel testing vs. CFD? Or simply due to an established Constructor vs. “Newby,” eh?

(Shoya Tomizawa)

While I’m already impressed by “K-SQUARED,” Kamui Kobayashi’s ONtrack performances, he’s just gotten more respect from Mwah, as it was revealed that the Japanese Piloto was wearing a black armband this weekend in tribute to his recently fallen Countryman, Shoya Tomizawa, the 19yr old motorcycle racer who died at Misano, Italy in the Moto2 race last weekend.

Meanwhile September 10th marks the (double) Anniversary of Mario Andretti clinching his World Championship for Lotus on the same day of the fatal accident that claimed Ronnie Peterson’s life, as it appears that 14 competitors and one Track marshal including, Peterson, Wolfgang von Trips and Alberto Ascari have all perished from accidents at Monza since the modern Formula 1 Championship began in 1950...

Saturday NotesWhile Hispania’s Bruno Senna suffered the harshest day on Friday with repeated Fuel pick-up delivery issues, Force India’s Vitantonio Liuzzi suffered from the same malady first in the FP3 morning practice session before it reared its ugly head again during the ‘Q1 Qualie session. As Liuzzi’s Mercedes lump was giving him a mysterious “false neutral,” repeatedly going into Anti-stall mode for no apparent reason, while Timo Glock had Gearbox issues of his own and will take a 5-spot Grid penalty for changing it. Adding insult to injury was the fact that Glock was blocked by Rookie Vitaly Petrov on his first Flying lap of the Q1 session. To which later the “Rooskie” said he didn’t see either Glock or the Blue flag...

Webber had a second practice problem with a minor fire inside of the airbox on Saturday morning, after he’d been told to “Switch-her-Off!” Friday for a water leak. As Bob Varsha, now back from Los Wages asked why aren’t they using a Fresh engine for Webber? He’s only on his sixth... As only Webber, Pedro De la Rosa and ‘Rubino (Barrichello) were running their engines from Spa with everybody else utilizing Fresh lumps... While it was revealed that the Ferrari Boyz were both on their eighth engines...

Jaime Alguersuari in the other Toro Rosso set the day’s Top numbers thru the Speed trap at the end of the Front straight into Turn 1 at 215.76mph before raising it to 216.2... Although the Spaniard was to wind-up 16th fastest and the last driver to crack the 1:23’s; as Steve Matchett noted that Alguersuari’s second sector time was a 28.7 vs. Massa’s 27.9, as we all know that Top speed doesn’t necessarily equate into fastest lap time...

Felipe Massa had a second “Off” during FP3, but ‘Hobbo had stated the day prior that the diminutive Brazilian would be Ok since he has enormously large Attachments! (Although I think The Kimster had the LARGEST!)

Felipe Massa: “I was completely on the gravel…”
Sunday NotesEntering the race, the Top-5 Drivers slugging it out for the Championship still remained fairly close: P1) L. Hamilton; 182 points; P2) M. Webber; 179; P3) S. Vettel; 151; P4) J. Button; 147; P5) F. Alonso; 141.

As interestingly, it was ‘JENSE in the “Blown” (F-Duct equipped) MP4-25 just barely losing out to Fredrico Suave, a.k.a Fred Alonso, scoring his maiden Scuderia Pole in his debutant Ferrari appearance at Monza, a feat not accomplished since Niki “The Rat” Lauda did so way back in 1974! With Felipe Massa taking a fine third place on the Grid, while the first Red Bull of Mark Webber rolls off from fourth and Lewis Hamilton’s Non-blown McLaren will start fifth, with Sebastian Vettel P6...

“McLaren’s Split-personality”

And thus the race was a somewhat interesting battle between ‘JENSE ‘N Ferdi... As ‘JAGUAR fell afoul of his bullying tactics and went out after colliding with a determined Massa, whilst the two Ferrari’s hounded Button all the way to the stripe with Alonso being victorious after a faster Pitstop, while Vettel’s mysterious engine woes cleared itself and led the second trio past the chequered flag with Rosberg the meat in a Red Bull sandwich, as Webber resumed the points lead...

P1) M. Webber; 187 points
P2) L. Hamilton; 182 pts
P3) F. Alonso; 166 pts
P4) J. Button; 165 pts
P5) S. Vettel; 163 pts

Winging it in KL

So I’m feeling a bit like being in Kuala Lumpur this weekend, albeit not quite the downpour, but very windy nonetheless... As I find it somewhat bemusing how everybody; including the FIA knows that it RAINS every day in Malaysia at almost exactly the same time every afternoon, when guess what? That’s right in the midst of Qualifying – plus the Race!

So you’d think that all of the “Heavy Hitters” would indeed go out early in Q1 and put a “Flyer” in the Bank... As ‘Hobbo, a.k.a. David Hobbs likes to say, but NO! Most amazingly the Scuderia, nee Ferrari sat contently in the Garage, with perennial arch rival McLaren following along, hoping for the WET stuff which had shown up right on “Que” to dissipate before the end of the 20min session... While we were witness to first Lewis Hamilton doing a snap spin before his teammate Jenson Button simply Aquaplaned into the Kitty litter where he sat with his Mercedes lump idling in hopes of getting pulled out of the gravel trap while in P13... But to NO avail! As if to show just how rough the conditions were, Michael Schumacher ended up in 14th even after having pitted to put full WET’s on his racecar... Although it was the trio of Heavy Hitters that I must confess I was rooting against.

As with less then 6mins remaining both Ferrari’s and the lone McLaren were ALL outside of P17 and in danger of not making it thru the Q1 “Qualie” session as I cheered mightily against ‘JAGUAR (Hamilton) ‘N ‘Fredrico (Alonso) making it! As they’d simply messed-up their respective strategies... Albeit I had a good chuckle over “Bosom Buddies” Alonso snatching P19 away from Hamilton in the waning moments, as shockingly Fernando will start in Row 10 alongside his good friend “Louise” (Hamilton; 20th) with Felipe Massa directly behind rolling off in P21. As it’s the very first time ever since Knock-out Qualifying began that both Ferrari’s have FAILED to advance out of Q1!

And although ‘JENSE did survive Q1 in 13th, he was unable to return his beached MP4-25 to the Pit lane in time to proceed into Q2 and therefore will line up 17th alongside The Scrumptious ‘Juan, a.k.a. Jarno Trulli in his Hometown Lotus affair, while all four of the mighty McLaren’s & Ferrari’s start behind “KOVY’s” (H. Kovalainen) Lotus in P15 and Virgin Racing’s Timo Glock in P16, both drivers having made it into Q2 for the first time in their respective Team’s short history’s, as only the second Virgin and Both Hispania Car’s start further back then those mighty “Big bucks” Constructor’s...

And Q2 was another entertaining session as I found myself rooting for “The Old Man,” DER TERMINATOR – better known as M. Schumacher who scraped his way into Q3 by finishing on the bubble in P10.

And then the RAIN came again with Q3 being Red flagged with 7+ minutes remaining as the circuit had become a veritable Lake Sepang with standing water everywhere apparently NOT being conducive to surfing the Formula 1 LandShark’s with their mandatory FIA “Legality Planks” underneath their ultra low ride heights... As the Final Session featured an interesting cast of Grand Prix Animals going in 2-by-2 fashion...

As both Red Bulls, Mercedes, Williams and Force India’s made the Top 10, with The Krakow Kid, nee Robert Kubica in the Frey, plus first time Debutant Kamui Kobayashi for the somewhat maligned Sauber concern... Although it possibly would have been better to lose his front wing this weekend instead, as the Team has now reinforced the C29’s Front Wing pylons...

And it was the Red Bull on top again, but not who Y’all are guessing, as it was Mark Webber instead, as I’ve just realized that the lone Aussie has Four Germans behind him... With Nico Rosberg claiming his first Front Row start with ‘ZEBB (Vettel) in P3 and Adrian Sutil alongside in P4.

Schuey will roll off a disappointing 8th, while ‘Rubino (Barrichello) was finally out qualified by his younger teammate Nico Hulkenberg (5th) and the ageless Brazilian will start alongside his ‘Chum Michael in 7th. Kubica was a fine 6th, while New Boy Kobayashi will start from 9th with Vitantonio Liuzzi next to him in P10.

And there was some idle(?) speculation made about how perhaps the Teams with both cars in Q3 had put their Driver’s on different set-ups to cover the range of possible weather? Although I think it’s supposed to Rain again tomorrow, about halfway thru the Race, as apparently Uncle Bernaughty wants to insure there will be another Spectale du Jour!

F1: Abu Dabi GP: Desert Stars - 2009 Edition

Whale I pre-empted my recent Saturday “Qualie” teaser in honour of the tenth Anniversary of Canadian Open Wheel Star Greg Moore’s passing…

Along with the fact that I don’t recall it being an overly exciting Qualifying session, as Lewis Hamilton simply “Blitzed” the field, as it was reported that his margin of 0.667 seconds over second place Sebastian Vettel was the largest since 2005.

And “JAGUAR’s” (Hamilton) teammate “KOVY” (Kovalainen) continued his Rodney Dangerfield impersonation, as his Gearbox packed-up on the Fin in the middle of Q2, when it looked likely that Heikki would help insure a McLaren front row lockout… While ironically, as “Fredrico Suave” (Alonso) was making his final Qualifying run for Renault, the Spaniard failed to survive Q1 for the very first time in his career.

And while the Red Bull & BRAWN GP Boyz duked it out for the sharp end of the grid, they were left scrapping over P2 and beyond as Hamilton’s KERS equipped MP4-24 was unassailable, with the top two teams in this year’s Constructor’s Championship inverted; as Vettel led Mark Webber, with Rubino (Barrichello) besting ‘JENSE (Button) once again, while the Kimster (Raikkonen) was unable to advance into the final Q3 Qualie session, finishing 11th and “Fishy-Fellah” (Fisichella) was down in the doldrums once again. (P20)

Thus with Hamilton taking his fourth Pole in the last seven races and Kovalainen 13th, while Raikkonen was P11 and Fisichella starting dead last… (Some 1.5 seconds adrift of Hamilton) The odds of McLaren holding onto their narrow one point lead for third in the Constructor’s title seemed in their favour, as reportedly the difference between third and fourth is a cool $5 million…

Race
Although the Announcers, Driver’s and Media had all spent the entire weekend totally enamored by the brand new circuit (for obvious reasons) largely due to the man made Island’s sheer opulence… I found the race like qualifying to be most Anti-Climatic… Also being not overly impressed by the race itself, as Hamilton seemingly would walk away from the field with his KERS boost upon the F1 Circuses longest straightaway, three quarters of a mile in length and doubling as a future drag strip.

Yet Vettel did his best to remain within sight of the somewhat vanishing McLaren, whose lead was cut in half when “Louise” made an unforced error and thus Sebastian was able to take over the lead after running an extra two laps before pitting… But it was all for naught, as shortly thereafter Hamilton would be forced to retire with an unknown rear braking problem; as I found it most interesting that Peter Windsor reported that Lewis was running two different manufacturer’s compounds on his car; Carbon Industries at the front and Brembo on the rear…

Thus with Vettel’s stiffest competition tucked away into the air conditioned Pit garage, it was a cakewalk for the young German, building up an 18 second lead over eventual runner-up Webber, albeit new World Champion elect Button spiced up the show in the waning laps with a fairly epic duel with the Aussie over second place as the pair ran wheel to wheel, front wing endplates nearly touching, before ‘JENSE settled for the podiums final step…

Race Drive of Abu Dabi
Although Nick Heidfeld gave departing BMW Sauber its final F1 points and “BOOMER” (Sebastian Buemi) came home eighth, once again my hat’s tipped to the man of the fleeting moment; “K-Squared,” as Kamui Kobayashi once again drove an excellent race, finishing sixth, one place ahead of his senior teammate and scoring his first (and most likely last) Grand Prix points, as sadly Kobayashi now looks set to go back to being a Sushi waiter in Japan…

Kobayashi: It’s Toyota or Sushi

Top 3 - Qualifying
Pole: Lewis Hamilton
Second: Sebastian Vettel
Third: Mark Webber

Race Results
Winner: S. Vettel; 2nd: M. Webber; 3rd: J. Button; 4th: R. Barrichello;
5th: N. Heidfeld; 6th: K. Kobayashi; 7th: J. Trulli; 8th: S. Buemi.

San Paolo ‘N Sprinkles

What an extraordinary Qualifying session I’ve just sat thru… As it has to be the longest “Qualie” in recent history? Taking a mere 2+ hours to complete, due to a massive rain delay, when asked of his opinion, Mark Webber quipped; tell him to put his glasses on! Referring to the FIA’s Charlie Whiting as there were rivers of water cascading across the tarmac after Vitantonnio Luzzi had stuffed it into the barriers in Q2, bringing out a Red Flag, before we went into the prolonged stoppage with 12:45 remaining to be run.

Yet while the past two days activities have commenced in the wet stuff, nee rain, (understatement of the day, eh?) reportedly it should be a fairly dry race tomorrow. (Hopefully) As all BLOODY ‘JENSE (Button) needs to do is finish on the podium, no worse then third to clinch his first F1 Drivers World Championship regardless of what Barrichello or Vettel do… So, a BRAWN GP 1-2 with Rubino winning his home race would do nicely, as it’s probably his very last shot, eh?

Besides we really want ‘JENSE & BRAWN GP to clinch the titles in San Paolo just to spite Uncle Bernaughty who’s publicly crooned for the title fight to go all the way to Abu Dubai instead… (So he can jack-up TV Commercial rates?)

Then again, Button and Vettel will have their work cut out for them tomorrow, as Jenson will roll off from P14 and Sebastian from a very uncharacteristic P16! While starting ahead of both McLaren’s…

As the Boy from Brazil; Rubino set Interlagos alight with his first pole in 5yrs, ironically 88 races ago at Interlagos whilst driving as Herr Schumacher’s wingman… So can the ageless Brazilian finally take the chequer’s in his Home race?

Tune-in tomorrow!

Utterly chaotic Qualifying session in Japan

Whale I’ve just finished watching the most chaotic F1 Qualifying session that I can recall in a very long time from suzuka, Japan… And although the rain has stopped for the time being, with reports of another Typhoon heading towards the Philippines, the accidents certainly did not!

The morning’s final practice session saw Mark Webber write-off his RB5 chassis upon ripping off the steering rack in a brutal crash and therefore didn’t take part in today’s Qualifying.

Then, a most bizarre three red flags were issued during a Qualifying session fraught with five crashes involving four drivers, with Scuderia Toro Rosso’s Sebastien Buemi crashing twice and causing a Yellow flag which would ultimately effect the final grid positions of four drivers, who were deemed to have not lifted off of the throttle in this area, as both BRAWN GP Drivers ‘JENSE & Rubino, along with Fernando Alonso and Adrian Sutil would all receive five grid spot penalties for this infraction. (Which makes it pretty funny to see how animated Fredrico was after the Q2 “Quallie” session…) While Buemi was docked five grid spots for driving back to the pits in his damaged car from his second incident and impeding the progress of his competitors.

But oh no, we weren’t done yet with the grid penalties, as adding insult to injury was McLaren’s Heikki Kovalin, one of the red flag crashers… And Force India’s Vitantonnio Luzzi both being forced to take five grid spot penalties upon replacing their gearboxes.

Meanwhile, Toyota’s Timo Glock who was flown by helicopter to Hospital with back pains and a cut leg, who hopefully will race tomorrow, joined Webber on the final row of the grid as his TF109 chassis also needed to be replaced, with SPEED now reporting that Glock will NOT participate tomorrow and there will only be a single Toyota participating.

Hopefully the race will be a little less chaotic with no more accidents, eh?
Revised Starting Grid

F1: Spanish Flies - 2008 edition

Amazingly Heikki Kovalainen escaped Un-Injured from his massive crash during the Spanish Grand Prix…
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As fortunately FIA mandated safety design standards have vastly improved driver’s chances of survivability in today’s F1 racing cars. Imagine if this had been the 1980’s when driver’s lower extremities were placed far forwards of the front axle centerline…

Yet for those of us who watched a fairly processional Spanish GP, we were momentarily stunned by Heikki Kovalainen’s massive shunt against the tire barrier thru a 140mph corner…

According to Ron Dennis and Martin Whitemarsh, the team suspects that a “rogue” piece of stone somehow lodged itself between the front tire rim and suspension, as a sudden, unexplained loss of air pressure sent the hurtling McLaren straight thru the sand trap, impailing the stricken MP4-23 underneath the tire barrier… As it took ten minutes to dislodge Heikki from the cockpit of his heavily wrecked McLaren, which miraculously he would escape without injury!

Once again I found Friday’s second practice session TV coverage more informative then Saturday’s qualifying program, albeit Fredrico Suave did NOT disappoint his fellow countrymen, with a light tanks go for broke qualifying run in the dramatic Q3 Final “Qualie” session…

Paddock notes
Peter Windsor noted how glad he was to have his job and how good it was to see Bernie Ecclestone strolling the paddock, making sure that the F1 team’s palatial “Motor Coaches” were all parked perfectly a half inch away from each other…

Super Aguri was extended a further Grand Prix as it appears that its buy-out from the Magma Group has fallen apart. Honda F1’s boss Nick Fry said that Honda had paid a further 2.0 million Euros for the tiny “B-Team” to race this weekend, but don’t expect any further funding at Turkey…

Various discussions were made about the new aero treatments several teams were running, most notably Honda’s “Rabbit-ears,” NOT to be confused with last years version of “Elephant-ears” which Steve Matchett claimed the team had to discontinue because they were so UGLY!

Professor Matchett also discussed Renault’s new Dorsal Fin treatment on the spine of the rear engine cover a la Red Bull Racing; For more info see Speed TV’s chalkboard section…

While poised to become the most experienced man in Formula 1, Honda’s Rubens Barrichello completed two race distances back-to-back during the most recent test at Barcelona, a feat of 150 laps…

The House of Winsor noted how card playing has become all the rage in the F1 Paddock, as “Fishy-fella,” Tonio Luzzi, both BMW-Sauber boyzs and Ferdi the Putz, a.k.a. Alonso have all taken to playing poker until 11:30PM every Saturday night, while Giancarlo Fisichella is the man to beat…

Adrian Newey’s Red Bull version of the Scuderia Toro Rosso STR-03 is still on track to debut at Turkey despite Bourdais’s big crash…

And speaking of the Hamburgular, a.k.a. Sebastain Bourdeax (Bourdais) he’s managed to steal a better qualifying position ahead of more experienced teammate Sebastian Vettel once again, along with beating senior F1 driver DC!

And it was funny to see the Force India F1 team atop the time sheets for a long portion of Friday’s second practice session, with “Fisi” leading Adrian Sutil, who were then split by The Iceman… Before “Kazoo” Nakajima jumped to the top with Nico Rosberg hot on his heels, before the Spanish crowd went ecstatic with homeboy Fredrico Suave and Nelson Nelson of the Renault squad taking their turn at the top of the page…

But as Sir Jackie (Stewart) so bluntly pointed out on Peter Winsor’s grid walk, NOBODY would beat Kimi Raikkonen from pole… As he became the eighth driver in a row to win from the coveted grid position at Barcelona…

And while Alonso delighted the 132,000+ Spanish spectators, his engine finally “DONE BLOWN UP!” while running in the points… As it had been previously pointed out that engines were reported to cost a cool $250,000 Euros a copy. What’s that David? About $400k large greenbacks Bob Varsha quipped…


Qualifying results
Pole: Kimi Raikkonen; 2. Fernando Alonso; 3. Felipe Massa; 4. Robert Kubica; 5. Lewis Hamilton; 6. Heikki Kovalainen; 7. Mark Webber; 8. Jarno Trulli: 9. Nick Heidfeld; 10. Nelson Piquet Jr

Race results
Winner: K. Raikkonen; 2. F. Massa; 3. L. Hamilton; 4. R. Kubica;
5. M. Webber; 6. Jenson Button: 7. Kazuki Nakajima; 8. J. Trulli

2008 F1 Point Standings
Round 4 of 18)

Driver’s
K. Raikkonen 29
L. Hamilton 20
R. Kubica 19
F. Massa 18
N. Heidfeld 16
H. Kovalainen 14

Constructors
Ferrari 47
BMW Sauber 35
McLaren 34
Williams 12
Red Bull 8