As where’s ‘Ol Art Garfunkel and Paul Simon when
Yuhs need ‘em?
Miriam, please call Cletus Snow and ask Him to
meet me here in Brownsburg at the Oasis Diner for lunch Thursday. Tell I’ll
make it worth His while and yes, He can bring His dog Butch too. And have HR
put Him on our payroll as a special consultant.
Thanks for meeting me Mr. Snow. Yeah, I ordered
Pigs in a Blanket for Butch…
Your son Roscoe tells me business is pretty
slow right now. Yeah, you don’t have to tell me about the price of Diesel! You
should see how much we’re paying to run our Artics’ (Articulated Lorry’s)
around Europe!
I hear that Billy Jo Bradshaw is gonna open up
the Grand tetons for Oil explorations. Hell, its not like Jackson Hole or
Telluride have been getting any snow lately, and that should help with Gas
prices…
I need you to run down to Port Miami and pick
up a load of Thom McCan shoes. Uh, Billy Jo Bradshaw bought a shipload of
wingtips for His office workers.
Yeah, I told Billy Jo you wear a size 16. Why’s
that Mr. Winchester? Whale’ Billy Jo says shoe size tells a lot about a Man’s…
And I told Him We’d take them off His hands. As they’ll make a great associate
sponsor for our Armani Canamax racecars. And help yourself to a few pairs of
loafers for Butch…
I rented you a CT5 Blackwing Caddy’ since I
know you don’t like flying, and there’ll be the usual Cascadia Sleeper-rig
waiting for you and they’ve already cleared customs.
Armani Canamax Racing, how may I direct your
call? Mr. Winchester, there’s a Tango Mattel on line four. He says its urgent!
Hello? Oh, your Wade Wetterly’s aide de Kamp
Mr. Mattel, how can I help you?
Yeah, I saw the photo of the driftwood numbers
on Myrtle Beach. Those Neptune satellite images Elroid sent to the Cal State
Tribune were real doozies. Uhm, did I say Myrtle Beach?
What’s that Mr. Mattel? Special Agents Bartholomew
T. Fife and Otis C. Taylor spent the last nine months with magnifying glasses
looking at the photo and saw somebody wearing a Canamax emblazoned coat
Yeah, it was a publicity stunt for our Formula
Libre racing team’s arrival in Miami with our car numbers 86 and 47…
You want us to recreate it for a promotional
picture for a project Russell Lovett’s doing for Billy Jo Bradshaw, Ok, that
soon?
Miriam, get Russell Lovett for me. Yes Mr.
Lovett I see, the number 1122 for an ariel photo promoting a car race around
Maryland’s T. Rowe Price Stadium, home of the Minutemen Football team on Mr.
Bradshaw’s 65th birthday. Very good Sir.
You’ve already contacted the local Special
Olympics for volunteers. What’s that? You’ve got a bunch of T-Shirts with One
Nation One Race on them you promised them; they’re a tax write-off? No, we
won’t tell the kids what they’re doing Sir, and they can get their free
T-Shirts completely dirty…
Miriam, find a nearby YMCA’s gymnasium we can
rent for the weekend; tell them I’ll pay triple the going rate, and tell Cletus
Snow to call me toot-sweet.
Snowman, after you drop off the shoes. What’s that,
they’re too large for Butch?
Look, as soon as they’re all unloaded, I need
you to run up to Nabisco’s distribution center in Hoboken, as we’ve still got
an active account with them. Yeah, they’ll know what I’m after, and don’t let
Butch eat too many of the fudge busters for your sake. As somebody will have to
clean the cab…
Hello Kids, my name is Mr. Winchester and I
have a fun project for you. Is everybody wearing their (free) T-Shirts, good!
Ok, I need you to open up the packages of
Nutter butter, Mega Stuffed Oreos, Fudgebusters, Triple Double Neapolitan
Oreos, Big Stuff Oreos, Ho Ho’s, Ding dons, Bite Size Oreos, Irish cream Ginger
Snaps and put them in the garbage cans in the middle of the room.
What’s that? Yes, you can eat as many as you
like, as long as you promise not to get sick. But we need them all unwrapped by
the end of the day…
Snowman, this is Winferd’ do you have your ears
on? Yeah, I had Snow-bunny’ (Roscoe Snow) set me up one of these CB radios in
my office. What’s your 10-20 good Buddy? Ok, I need you to pick up a Transfer
Titan (Dump truck) for a load at the Carmel YMCA. And then deliver it to
Paighton Beach where Snow-bunny will meet you with His Bobcat.
Governor Daniels has issued a permit to use Paighton
Beach on the Wabash and closed the park to all visitors.
Yeah, we were gona use Lake Monroe but the Girl
Scouts are holding camp there and we don’t want to give them any free
publicity…
No, just dump your load at Paighton Beach and
Snow-bunny will take care of the rest. Nah, its ok if a few Seagulls get sick,
as I alredy contacted Harold donner of Fish & Wildlife. And the Crabs
should take care of the rest after the tide eventually goes out…
Miriam, get Russell and Cletus Snow for me
ASAP! OH, that’s right, I sent Snowman Up North Eh to pickup some refreshments
and goodies for the Big, Beautiful Birthday. I’ll get ahold of Him myself.
Well at least get His son Roscoe in here
immediately!
Snowman this is Winferd, do you have your ears
on? What, you’re stuck in a 33km backup on Route 9’s Gordie How bridge. Yeah
those Hosers just love our Pepperjack cheese…
Otay, did you get the O’flaughtery’s brewskies’
and Sunderland’s powdered doughnuts?
No that’s Ok, I’ll discuss my problem with
Snow-bunny instead. Roger that, 10-7 and catch Yuhs on the flip side HeeHee!
Yes Mr. Winchester, you asked to see me. No I
haven’t seen the photographs yet. You just saw them? What’s wrong with the
numbers, I spread them out on Paighton Beach with my bobcat per the
instructions that a Mr. Mattel faxed me from Florida.
Do I realize I spelled 2112 instead of 1122?
Nope, I just did what the instructions said Mr. Winchester!
Uhm, I guess that’s why Snowman’s taking so
long to get back across the Gordie Howe bridge, Eh?
No, I don’t think the Power Trio’s got a Gig
down here, but I listen to Country…
For the previous
Canamax Capers installment. Please visit the following No Fenders link below.
