Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Golden Tailpipe Awards: The 2023 Streamliner edition, Positions 6-9

Otay Kiddoes', it's that time 'O year again. When I wrap-up another long, meandering year's Final storytelling from thoust Isle of Nofendersville, with my Zany End of Year Overall Winners selections…


As Y’all know thou Drill here upon Ye Isle ‘O Nofendersville. Where the Nights are long and Dark, and the Days spent type-type-typing Away Way too Mucho on thoust Keyboard! Alas, Once again it’s another long form No Fenders Two part Harmony, Err meandering prose for your consideration


As Here goes Nothin', with another Bevy 'O totally Un-Scientific, Zany Random Off Ye Cuff selections made below…



Rider of The Year, Sports Car Drivers of The Year, Freak of The Year and Quip of The Year


6. Rider of Year

Winner: Jorge Martin

Otay, I’ll confess this is a biased choice. Since I was rootin’ Ah-Mighty’ for thee “Martinator” to win the MotoGP World Championship!


Yes, I’m aware that ultimately Francesco Pecco’ Bagnaia had a better season overall, i.e.; wins, podiums, etc. But naturally I was rootin’ for a Satellite Squad to do the unthinkable! Not to mention just totally enamoured by Martin’s All or Nothing, Win or Bust mentality!


Although I suppose you could also say that was Jorge’s Downfall, Ci? But just simply Uber’ impressed with the Pramac Racing team and Martin’s performance All season long!


Other Choices

Francesco Bagnaia, Fabio Giannantonio


7. Sports Car Drivers of Year

Winner: Robert wickens & Harry Gottsacker

You already know about whomever for Mwah will be known as thee “Young Wicky”, thanks to His good Buddy, thee Mayor ‘O Hinchtown’ James Hinchcliffe who also fondly calls Him Robby, ergo Messer wickens…


But I must admit I’d never heard of Wickens co-driver Harry Gottsacker before, for which the duo won this year’s Michelin Pilot challenge Touring Cars (TCR) category.


Gottsacker, a 24yr old Texan was introduced to Drag Racing by His Grandfather before beginning Go-Karting at age 13.


In 2016, Gottsacker made His Cars debut in the Global Rallycross (GRC) Lites category, along with the Pirelli World challenge, (PWC) both being partial season efforts.


The following year He ran a brief three race stint in the British GT Championship series, along with another partial season PWC campaign.


For 2018, Gottsacker ran His first Full-season PWC campaign in the Pro GTS Class. Finishing runner-up Overall by a scant three points.


2019 saw Gottsacker winning the newly formed GT4 Americas Pro-Am category with co-driver John Miller, claiming six wins in ten races. Harry also made His debut in the Michelin Pilot Challenge that year as a Factory driver for Hyundai at Bryan Herta Autosport. (BHA)


Gottsacker’s first two Michelin Pilot challenge Touring Car (TCR) seasons resulted in a brace of runner-up finishes with Mason Filippi and Mark Wilkins respectively.


For 2021, Gottsacker remained Wilkins teammate at BHA, where the pair finished fith overall in TCR. The following year saw Harry teamed with longtime teammate Parker Chase at BHA, with the duo claiming fith overall in the TCR category.


Then for 2023, Gottsacker paired up with Robert Wickents with the duo scoring seven podiums aboard their Hyundai Elantra N TCR enroute to winning the Class title, ahead of BHA teammates filippi and Wilkins.


Honourable Mention

Bryan Sellers and Madison Snow

Suppose I shouldn’t be like All the Other Sheep and overlook the GTD (Daytona) Class winners! As the pair guided their #1 Paul Miller Racing’s BMW M4 GT3 to a stout five wins season. Clinching the title prior to Petit Le Mans…


Other Choices

Jack Hawksworth and Ben Barnicoat


8. Freak of Year

Winner: Max Verstappen

Initially planned on giving this award to thee “Martinator”, aka Jorge Martin. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how much a Freak ‘O Nature thee dutch Tsunami was this year!


As it Pains me greatly over how Magnanimous MaxiMillions’ has been this season! Definitely being able to largely keep in check His Maximus Hothead persona, except upon rare occasions.


As we All know, Max set the current record for most consecutive Grands Prix wins this year with 10, running from Miami to Monza! And then after Red Bull’s streak of 15-straight W’s was snapped in Singapore, Verstappen reeled off another seven straight victories to close the season! Not to mention an astounding 12 Pole positions, Sigh…


As I’ll begrudgingly admit that Max is a very good driver. Ok, even bordering on Great, Youch! But I simply cannot help wondering how much of Verstappen’s amazing success is due to the Red Bull RB19? Or more importantly it’s Honda RBPT PU; which we’ll be seeing for another two years.


And Yeah, I’m aware of Checo’s, ny Sergio Perez’s struggles in “identical” machinery. But Checo’s No Max!


Since would we be talking at all abou Verstappen if He was driving the ‘lil bulls’, aka Scuderia AlphaTauri entry instead?


Other Choices

Jorge Martin, Alex Palou, Zak Brown


9. Quip of Year

Winner: Go Suck on An Egg! And 99% Show, 1% Sporting Event!

Those were just two of the multiple, indelible sound bites that thee Dutch Tsunami’, MaxiMillions’ or MaxAttack’, ergo Maximilian Verstappen left upon us


Following Red Bull’s run of 15-straight race wins coming to an end at Singapore. And the FIA having issued a new technical directive regarding Flexible Wings. Critics thought perhaps this was the root cause to Red Bull’s issues in Singapore, with F1 Cynics suggesting even further?


Yet Verstappen was bak in Full MaxAttack’ mode at the next round is Suzuka. And when speaking to the media regarding this suggestion. Verstappen promptly said Fans could Go suck an Egg! Especially if they didn’t appreciate His brilliance!


Verstappen was widely panned for His 99% Show comment before the Las Vegas GrandPrix weekend began. Yet the track’s and Liberty Media’s handling of Thursday evening’s Shit Show! Y’all know when CarlosSainz Jr. was so cruelly punished for accidently Hittig that lose Drain Hole cover!

Made Max look pretty smart after all!


As Maxi-boy’ had some other doozies during Lost Wages’. As I especially liked the Quip about going to some Far-flung place I’d never heard of before in order to get Shit Faced for the weekend…


As that's a Wrap for last Year’s riveting No Fenders storytelling, Y’all!