Monday, February 4, 2013

Noblemen, Queens of Dance and Kings of their Own Destinies...

Perhaps it’s just Mwah; ‘Whale definitely Mwah since this enlightenment first struck me some three plus months ago... As usual, falling foul to that nebulous death star matter known here at NoFendersville as that all consuming black hole called the NoFenders Wormhole Vortex... Hey! Y’all didn’t think I was talking ‘bout the Mayan’s black hole did Yuhs? Hya! But I digress. (See, I’m doing it again, scribbling another elongated rant...)

Thus, last September, with the news of Professor Eric Sidney “Sid” Watkins death, I found his passing a ‘Wee bit symbiotic, or was it simply just thee ‘Karmic Whip once again smacking Mwah upside the head? As we all know that ‘Prof died at the age of 84 on Sept 12, 2012, but what struck me as ironic was the following sentence.

“Watkins had been suffering from cancer and reportedly passed away at the King Edward VII Hospital in London, surrounded by his family.”

NO! I’m not surprised about his family being gathered bedside, but notice the name of the hospital, as in King Edward VII... Just how many of Y’all know exactly who that is? As I myself was totally unawares of the past King’s background until magically happening to read about him in a great ‘lil book I was painstakingly reading thru at a snail’s pace titled: And they Went That-A-Way by Malcolm Forbes published in 1988 when I first began scribbling these thoughts.

Ah, but old Sod, your eyes are SHIT! As you’ve gone all uh-flutter over the WRONG King my poor boy... As in seven comes before eight!

As I’d marveled at the irony of how the Bloody ‘Brits had named a highly established hospital in the named of King Edward VIII; Y’all know thee Duke of Windsor... OOPS! As I’d found it hilarious that the departed King who’d abdicated himself from the throne just a scant eleven months into his term in order to marry American Wallace Warfield Simpson - had somehow had his name resurrected later in life, long after his death - which prior to the Duke of Windsor had sworn to never set foot  again in England until the royal family publicly acknowledged his bride!

Thus you can somewhat understand my cynicism’s disappointment that it was the previous King Edward (VII) number  seven who ruled from Jan, 1901 to May, 1910, albeit I suppose perhaps he was the most safe? As this momentary curiosity has caused me to lightly puruse the history of the British Monarchy for the first time ever!

As Forbes book is full of fascinating vignettes about the nobility’s bloody and controversial murders of King Edward VII’s predecessors - those named Edward and George...

King Edward II
Reign: July 7, 1307 - Jan 25, 1327
This young King, son of the first Edward, was unpopular from day one, as the 23yr old King apparently openly flaunted his zest for homosexuality by carrying on an affair with palace squire Piers Gaveston. Even stooping so far as to name his lover (Gaveston) Earl of Cornwall, which rankled the Lords so mightily that he instantly went into hiding before being captured and promptly beheaded a few years later!

Yet Edward also had two wife’s whom bore him five children, while the King’s short two decades reign was spent constantly at war before ultimately being savagely murdered at the age of 43; having been removed from the throne the year prior due to incompetence by his wife Isabella.

Queen Isabella, also known as the “SheWolf of France,” had grown tired of her husband ignoring her and hence plotted to have their son Edward III installed instead - reputedly under the control of Isabella and her boyfriend.

Reportedly the King who was kept prisoner for months in hopes of falling ill from horrendous dungeon conditions, was killed by having a red-hot poker rammed up his Arse; YIKES!

Hmm? Why does that make me think of the 23 year-old Indian woman just brutally raped and killed with a metal rod by seven men on a bus joyride in Mumbai...

King Edward V
Reign: April 9 - June 26, 1483
The boy-king who would never be crowned King, the son of King Edward IV was thrust into power upon the unexpected death of his father at the age of 42. Yet having always resided outside of London, the twelve year old prince would need to ride four days to London in order to be coronated.

Yet along the way, Edward’s uncle Richard, had members of the entourage arrested and personally escorted the would-be king the rest of the way, where the boy was promptly placed inside the Tower of London, while his coronation date simply kept being postponed.

In a power struggle over the throne, Edward’s mother Queen Elizabeth lost out to Richard, whom quickly was anointed King Richard III, while Edward V and his three-years younger brother, also named Richard, who Elizabeth had sent to the Tower to give Edward  company, simply vanished from sight and were never seen again - most believing the boys were smothered  to death by pillows, although apparently the exact date remains a mystery.

In 1674, as workers were repairing some stairs at the tower, they unexpectedly found a wooden chest with the sets of two young boys bones inside it, which were promptly believed to belong to the missing boys and subsequently were entombed at Westminster Abbey, whilst Richard III, who’s remains have possibly just been discovered - was killed in battle by King Henry VII, who’s wife  just so happened to be the former Queen Elizabeth... 

King George V
Reign: May 6, 1910 - Jan 20, 1936
Some claim that King George V wasn’t exactly a particularly great ruler, albeit he did rule Great Britain thru World War I and beyond. No, it appears that this King’s more noteworthy accomplishments were that of his death, when a half century after the King’s death, it was reported that he was actually killed.

As Lord Dawson published the affairs of the King’s last days by stating that he’d administered a lethal dosage of morphine and cocaine to the comatose King in order to speed his departure along...

To which Malcolm Forbes notes that euthanasia is illegal in Britain, and wonders just how many more stories would have been written with the public knowledge of such events at the time of the King’s death...

Duke of Windsor
(King Edward VIII)
Reign: Jan 20 - Dec 11, 1936
As previously mentioned, Edward Albert Christian George Andrew Patrick David, son of King George V, became King Edward VIII briefly during 1936 - although never crowned, ruling the throne for a minimal 326-days before abdicating himself in order to marry Wallace Simpson, as his brother King George VI, who succeeded him, suggested that he henceforth be referred to as The Duke of Windsor, with Simpson becoming the Duchess of Windsor.

Ironically, the Duke finally returned to England to be buried, after his niece Queen Elizabeth II had granted his wish that his wife could be laid to rest alongside him whenever her time came - whilst Edward V & VIII constitute half of the monarchy’s nobility to have never been crowned King...

Goodness gracious Old Man, what in earth does this have to do with motor racing, Y’all might be saying?

‘Whale nothing much really other than being very loosely tied  to the late, great ‘Prof, whose memorial services have just taken place recently upon January 18th at Marylebone Parish Church in London. (Plus its winter and we’re in the midst of a half year’s IndyCar off season...)

Not to mention the entire hubbub over Prince Willy’s Duchess Kathryn’s impending motherhood, and what the royal couple will name him or her? As it would be a bit ironic if it turned out to be a boy named Edward, as in later life becoming King Edward IX, right? As hopefully it won’t be named Henry, after his younger brother “Harry” who apparently has a penchant for playing strip billiards in “Sin City...”

As I’d assume the safest bet would be to name him the ‘Wee Charlie, after all I’d just watched on SPEED in early December how the royal family’s car collection was featured at last summer’s Goodwood Festival’s Cartier Concours de Elegance - during the Queen ‘Mum’s diamond jubilee, where one of the two prince’s got the honour of driving “Pop’s” pristine Aston Martin DB5 that Queen Elizabeth II had given him for his 21st birthday; while of course if it’s a girl, then I’d presume that Diana would be a popular choice, eh?

And then of course there’s the unfortunate death of Nurse Jacintha Saldanha, (46) who fell foul of being pranked by two ‘Aussie DJ’s into believing that Queen Elizabeth and son Prince Charles were on the “blower;” Err telephone seeking to find out about Duchess Kathryn’s health, who apparently was recovering from an acute bout of morning sickness ironically at King Edward VII’s hospital...