Here Comes The Judd's

Dario & Ashley entering Banquet

Photo provided courtesy of No Fenders Photographer Dave “CARPETS” O’Brien

And The Winners Are...

Dan & Susie Wheldon walking into Victory Banquet

Photo provided courtesy of No Fenders Photographer Dave “CARPETS” O’Brien

Back From The World’s Largest Zoo...

AIN’T THAT CUTE! CARPETS? (Who’s a fierce lover ‘O Animal pictures upon this ‘lil ‘Ol racin’ blog thingy; Hya!)

Ah, there’s nothing quite like returning home from another overly enjoyable Holiday, eh? Although why does the unrelenting quash ‘O Airport travel, i.e.; getting’ up close ‘N personal with TSA and the overabundance of Humans being treated like sardines in a can – nothing more then animals at a Zoo... Bring the happy traveler back to a crashing reality? Err, perhaps crashin’ AIN’T duh word to use when frollicing aboard Big ‘Ol Jet Aero-planes, albeit this time I flew aboard a medium sized Aeroplane to a MOST chaotic Airport in Texas, where my layover was longer then my first flight’s duration. As in for the LUV ‘O Pink Elephants; Can somebody please explain to me why there isn’t ANY Direct flights from Seattle to Indianapolis? Having flown two different airlines two different routes, returning via Houston this time... NOT to mention who in the HE-LL designs those Oh-so-Comfortable – NOT! Aeroplane seats... Having been squished into the single left-hand aisle seat aboard an Embrarer 145 3-abreast jetliner for a 2hr jaunt to GW F%%KING bU$h Int’l Airport with a serious case ‘O NUMB BUTT; but I digress...

Did I mention how FREAKIN’ AWESOME of a weekend I had at IMS! As I think I’m using the word awesome way more correctly then Dave Calabro did when trying to energize the crowd over the PA system at the Speedway... Now DON’T get me wrong, as I like Calabro’s voice, as he’s the new modern signature tone I expect to hear there, it’s just that it felt like a few times he was tryin’ a tad bit too hard to be GROOVY ‘N get his ‘Schwerve On... Going Gonzo over a 4-wide re-entry into Turn-1 on ‘Juan ‘O Dem Double-wide restarts. Although it was pretty funny listening to Messer Calabro trying to move the needle ‘O enthusiasm during the Pitstop competition – where basically NO-body cared; CHIRP-CHIRP! As Thee Mayor ‘O Hinchtown (James Hinchcliffe) tried to get the crowd to make some noise after having been ousted from an overly LONG drawn-out Pitstop competition chock O’block with TV commercials every 2.47 minutes...

Ariving at Houston, I could do nothing more then chuckle to myself profusely over the most elaborate “Chinese Fire-drill” I’ve participated in years whilst being assisted between Terminals to a connecting flight, as it’d only take a total of eight different people to go from seriously uncomfortable seat to semi-comfortable Aeroplane seat, both in the back ‘O the bus...

As a legally blind passenger (customer) needing assistance to circumnavigate thee globe; typically I’m either asked or expected to be the last person to disembark the aircraft – this time having needed to leave my carry-on shoulder bag on the jetway due to the fact that the Embrarer’s overhead bins are miniscule... A somewhat frumpy gate agent asked me to stand on the Jetway ‘til she was thru hoisting the various bags to the other awaiting passengers, as somebody’s blue carry-on bag was apparently missing...

She finally walked me up the causeway to a seating area after letting me bump into some sorta wall/partition/electric cart? Where upon being seated she passed me off to another female attendant who was apparently in-charge of dispatching said electric carts to transport those of us needing assistance – which required a moderate wait, but hey – I only had a mere 3hrs 20+ ‘My-nutes to KILL in this overly crowded airport – serving our nations finest...

After the first cart had left and the couple next to me had been ‘Cooed for their patience, there was a light touching upon my arm indicating it was time for me  to rise as my ‘Magic Carpet had arrived. Seated directly behind our pleasant cart driver who drove thru the massive crowd – Excuse Cart Please, Excuse Cart Please, Excuse Cart Please... With her walkie talkie’s radio loudly crackling a nonstop running commentary of carts and wheelchair assists needed we plowed our way towards our various terminals destinations, as I chuckled to myself over hearing one cart driver saying his battery had just died and he’d be needing to have his passengers picked up...

I was then dropped off at a second seating area where I was told a wheelchair would come to take me to my gate, as somebody told the lady to do your thing Girl – go ahead ‘N lock the chair and help him get in, as I assisted by putting down my footrests before being wheeled thru the busy complex to an awaiting Subway train, which we took a short ride upon – passing what I believe is that signature Houston skyline landmark? As I noticed a giant perfectly circular building in the middle of the landscape on a sunny, hot day outside of the most overly air-conditioned terminals and Skytrain...

After exiting the Subway car I was whisked to a second awaiting electric cart, which just so happened to be the very same driver I’d heard previously claiming his cart’s battery was dead; Aye Karumba! As it got even funnier yet? As there was a little Old lady one row ‘Kitty-corner behind me most concerned that she wouldn’t make her connecting flight in time and constantly harangued the driver all the way to her departure gate – claiming: It’s an International flight and I have to be there an hour early! Please Hurry Sir! To which I interjected a few times on this amicable driver’s behalf who was trying his best to not become annoyed by her constant badgering over her apparent confusion of check-in vs. gate arrival times...

As we drove all over the BLOODY D & E Terminals, having begun this Mister Toad’s Wild ride way back ‘N over the breezeway at gate B as in Boy 60... With people calling out for our driver to stop please – with our affable chauffer pleading Miss I CAN’T stop – my batteries’ DYING... Whilst the new female passenger besides me said: I saw you checking out that female on the left driver... And hope you like pushing, as I’ll drive since I’m NOT walking; Hya! Along with mentioning perhaps that’s where we should all get off after going around a corner and passing a Bar whilst zigzagging thru the congestion.

Having stopped to pick up the bickering passenger who he’d not wanted to stop for, we finally got to the ‘lil ‘Ol lady’s gate who immediately exclaimed to our black male driver: I’ve MISSED my flight! Yet became immediately reassured when I explained to her that her flight didn’t leave for another hour – simply repeating what our chauffer had been trying to convince her whole ride... And after I told her this, she then thanked him for getting her there on time...

Thus, I was finally deposited to my connecting flight’s gate Echo-22 Noonish, with only a mere 2hrs 45mins ‘til departure for the Emerald City, to which my great cart driver had told us remaining riders it was so named due to all of the rain - and followed this up by saying Pierce county, right? I know ‘bout Pierce county ‘cause I watch COPS! (Rousing endorsement...) To which I replied; Oh, those must be my neighbors, to which we both got a chuckle outta – as he escorted me to a seat nearest the boarding gate’s podium. I could hear him explaining to the final two female passengers how crazy that ‘lil ‘Ol lady was and Uh DUH Ma’am, I do this for a living; Hya!

Boarding the Boeing 737-800, as typical I was seated in an aisle directly ‘Kitty-corner across from a constantly crying baby; Ah, the joys ‘O traveling, eh? As it’d only be a mere 3hrs 55mins flight to Seattle-Tacoma International Airport and an awaiting barrage ‘O showers. And then there was the short little male assistant who’d stuck my carry-on bag underneath my wheelchair huffing ‘N puffing dramatically into the back of my head over the bag’s weight and my girth as he had to push me up the jetway’s sharp elevation, onto another Subway train, down an elevator to baggage claim. Then up another elevator, across the Skybridge, racing into another elevator’s opened doors, down one level and outside to the Shuttle Express’s outside garage waiting area... As I’d listened to what I hoped was simply the overabundance of baggage identification tags flap-flap-flapping throughout this ride like the sounds of playing cards stuck to a child’s bicycle wheel, as this noise could be heard coming from both of my wheelchairs wheel’s the entire ride whilst I just smiled to myself as my feet were constantly lightly grazed off of various objects, i.e.; elevator doors, subway car rails, suitcase bags, etc before I was asked if I could handle myself from the Shuttle vans curbside check-in area; as he seemed quite happy to dispose of his overly burdensome passenger...

And there’s nothing like going home to a rain soaked COLD city – like a 35 degree DROP in temperature – a BALMY 57deg-f ‘N showers; Hey! After all, this is the weather channel, right?

Oh, and by the way; did I mention that I met two prominent celebrities over the weekend? One being a somewhat famous scribe from Trackside – whilst the other you’ll never guess – having been so favourrably mentioned upon this blog so frequently over the years... Not to mention having been Stiffed by a further Motorsports personality; Oh Whale, eh?

And to think I’ve still managed to AVOID learning the outcome of last weekend’s ‘MonnNockOe GP; So please DON’T tell Mwah, as hopefully I’ll have ‘Somme-thun to say ‘bout it in the near future – as I was told I wasn’t exactly goin’ out on a limb by predicting that ‘Juan of the Big-3, nee Red bull, McLaren or Ferrari had probably won the Pole; Uh DUH!

As now I’ll once again try furiously Poondin’ aways upon ze keyboards in order to get back into Der ‘Vurld de Motorsporten, Ja Ja? By playin’ Ketsup with the Formula 1 landscape along with attempting to put into words my MOST Excellante outing in Indianapolis – not to mention a possible interview with a potential new 2013 F1 engine manufacturer; so, stay tuned! (Please...)

And thus, it seems most ironic that Don Henley’s croonin’ in the backround ‘bout whispering in my Ear ‘bout giving us some Dirty laundry – and NOPE! NOT the type in my suitcase bag, eh?

OFF TO INDY!

Hmm? Has anybody seen my No Fenders T-Shirt lately? Hya! As I’m off to my SECOND Centennial 500 celebration – earning my “Rookie” stripes circa ’09. Which Y’all can read a very LONG winded four part harmony, Err Story ‘bout in Surviving Indy...

Since I’m NOT as technically savvy as THEE ‘DAWG or any other TWITTERHEADZ; they’re will NOT be any posting on No Fenders until my return upon June 1^st, so enjoy the races...

Bernard & Co get a little Dirty!

Please Support Taku’s Charity at Indy...

If you’re so inclined to support Takuma Sato’s cause towards the displace Children of Japan’s most devastating Earthquake and Tsunami March 11^th, then you may desire to obtain a With You Japan T-Shirt at Indianapolis.

With you Japan T shirts are available in 11 shops at the Speedway. In addition KVRT has a stall in the Plaza near the pagoda – where I plan to obtain mine hopefully on Carb Day...

With You Taku!

No Fenders Feel Good MoJo...

So I know somebody who’s giving out a friendly wager upon a Big Mac, Coke ‘N Fries, Hmm? Does a HappyMeal count? On Thee “Big 5” Hombres vs. Thee Field for this year’s I500.

Hombres:

Ryan Briscoe, H. Castroneves, Scott Dixon, Dario Franchitti and Will Power.

Do I take the bet or not? You Make the Call!

Meanwhile my Sentimental favourites to win this year’s race are:

1) Alex Tagliani; 2) Oriel Servia; 3) Tony Kanaan; 4) Vitor Meira; 5) Paul Tracy; 6) Buddy Rice. HELL! I’d even enjoy seeing Ryan Briscoe win – as it’d help him continue awhile longer at Team Penske – although it goes against the Cheeseburger wager, eh?

Do Yourself a favour on Sunday and root for ‘TAG!

INDYCAR: Paddock Notes – May 25th Edition

By now I’m sure Y’all have heard the news over Ryan “The Sundrop Kid” Hunter-Reay replacing Bruno Junqueira in the A.J. Foyt Enterprises No. 41 second car entry for this weekend’s 95^th running of the Indianapolis 500 Centennial3.0.

And while I’ll always have a BEEF with ‘WhineyBags (Junqueira) for having stiffed me in Portland... I do haveda admit I feel somewhat mildly disappointed for the Brazilian who’s now been ‘BUMPED not once – but twice at the Speedway through NO wrongdoing on his part... As I’d like to think perhaps Mikey Andretti could do a recipical dealio a.k.a. Tagliani last year as a thank you to Bruno – perhaps a second AFS Racing entry, eh?

Speedway Mistress Slays DragonFlies...

And is it just Mwah? But, I’m getting a little bit tired of all of the outpouring over how horrible Mikey’s (Andretti) month ‘O May was; Hmm? Hold on a moment, just exactly how many cars did Dragon Racing wad up? Not to mention Scotty “IRL IS BORING!” Speed’s ‘Daniker HissyFitt with his Engineer... As it was MOST ironic that Saturday evening I was discussing Patrick (“Pat-the-Carpenter”) Carpentier when she asked me who was ‘TAG’s teammate when we used to watch them racing in Vancouver, BC?

As perhaps this should point out just how difficult it is to run an Open Wheel Racecar ‘round the hallowed Speedway grounds, eh? As I’ll count ‘Dat as STRIKE TWO for the TaxiCab Boyz. As I’d say that Jay Penske’s month was far MORE terrible then Mikey’s!

Psst Jay! Perhaps you’ll wanna give Bruno a call and sign him up for next year, eh? Or see if the other Foyt car’s available...

Girl Power!

And NO! I’m NOT speaking ‘bout Princess PermaPout – who I hear has her very own F%%KING FLORESENT GREEN POPE MOBILE!!! To protect her from her adoring Fans; like ‘DAWG. (Pressdog) YAWN!

NOTE TO DANICA! “Simona-Simona” spent several hours signing Autographs personally in her Pits with bandaged & latex gloves to protect her BURNED hands whilst you were busy hiding in your Bus; but I digress...

As I meant to talk ‘bout Pippa Mann, who not only out qualified her Fulltime Conquest Racing teammate “S-SQUARED”, (Sebastian Saavedra) but also Hunter-Reay and Mike Conway, all three who didn’t manage to qualify their way into the race – so way to go Pippa!

Meanwhile it seems that ‘BIA, nee Ana Beatriz had the most low key Under-the-Radar weekend outta the four Femme Fatles making the show, so it’ll be interesting to see who’ll be top female, eh?

Rookie Honours

Otay, my Sentimental favourite Hands Down would be Ye Mayor ‘O Hinchtown, nee James Hinchcliffe... Who’s not only the Mayor of said town, but proverbial Kitty-in-a-Tree Saviour too! Or was that a Planking splinter upon his Schnoz, eh?

And obviously it’d be great for Pippa Mann’s career, as she’s probably one of the least funded drivers, right? While it would be beneficial for the League if J.R. Hildebrand won it, since he’s a product of the Road-to-Indy, i.e.; Indy Lights Champion. Not to mention Charlie Kimball, who’s also from the Indy Lights series – and would most definitely be a “Feel Good Story” due to his Diabetes angle...

But my personal choice is none other then Jay “Funnyman” Howard, who’s finally made the race after two abortive attempts, not necessarily by his own making and hence, I’d like to see the Englishman get some long overdue notoriety; so GOOD LUCK JAY!