Friday, January 17, 2014

Wither IndyCar, Only 6,593 Days 'til 2014 Season begins...



Otay that's a bit of an exaggeration, but; WTF? Five Freakishly LONG months 'O Winter's Hibernation, or is it seven? Or is thee number six wilst thou shalt Not come before Five - to precede before another riveting Indy Car Series season kicks off; Oh Never Mind! As why does Indy Cars McManagement of "Scheduling" seem overly Monty Pythonish to Mwah?

Now wasn't it nice of your humble No Fenders scribe to wait 'til the Holidazes were over in order NOT to trample upon the Sunshine Squad's tranquility of Festive Holiday cheer, as after all everythingys "Rainbows 'N Bunnies" in thy land 'O Indy Cars right now, right? Over, Roger, Roger-Roger?

But I suppose, since perhaps I'll be lumped in with les Miserables... Then I'll let this story out of the pantry so to speak, since its long ago simmered over from last October's IndyCar season finale which I watched A-L-L the way thru 'til nearly 1AM east coast time from CARPETZ Manor in Indianapolis... Let's see; Uhm? Carry the five, divide by nine, add seventeen and then subtract three months...

And wallah, my initial DISGUST towards Hulman & Co and Mark "I've Got a Plan" Miles has somewhat subsided, as betcha don't S-E-E this one coming; IndyCar has a zillion miles to go; Hooah! Cymbol crash please; but I digress...

As I guess what's really stickin' in my craw right now are three major points of angst, the first being the STUPIDNESS of truncating the season to such an early end, without even boiling over about the ineptitude of going seven months between seasons; URGH! Secondly, the broo-ha-ha over the goodness of the Indianapolis Grand Prix; BARF! And thirdly, the continued dismal TV ratings and lack of apparent urgency to resolve I-T!


So it's very rare that I ever agree with Mario Andretti, even if when Mario speaks we're supposed to listen! As I'll never forget 'SuperMario trying to run over an ex-friend in the Portland International Raceway paddock upon his scooter since he was being hounded by too many fans. Nor was he overly giddy when signing my 2011 souvenir program during the  Indy 500 Legend's Day autograph session. But in Mario's defense he did stay some twenty-plus minutes past his announced leaving time to accommodate us... While I was most pleased to hear Mario's voice once again upon the podium of thee OLD-est IndyCar Blogger Geo. Phillips Numero Uno Texas track COTA (Circuit Of the Americas) in person where none other than quadruple world chump Seb' Vettel seemingly told Mario that he was a legend.

Yet in this incidence, Mario's 100 FREAKIN' percent on! In regards to the 2014 (and beyond) Indy Car Series schedule being a travesty, as my inner child's voice continues telling Mwah this was done on purpose for a different reason that isn't being spoken. Can Y'all say 'RASSCAR?

No, not to prevent going head-to-head with them, College Football or that overly annoying entity known as the A-L-L conquering NFL... Nope, I truly believe it was done to make it possible for NBC to NOT have to go head-to-head with its 'lil 'Seester network NBCSN's airing of the latter stages of IndyCar broadcasts beginning in 2015...

And I know my opinion doesn't mean squat - but hey, don't forget to patronize us by thanking the fans; SPEW! As there was absolutely NO reason for doing this, as last year's schedule really only needed two significant tweaks; getting RID of that momentous GAFF! Uhm, when there were five, count 'em five weeks off with NO racing, which was followed up by another elongated 3wks break. As raise your hand, who wants to go to Fontana in September; Err August when it's OVER 100-degrees outside, eh? Or how 'bout Houston during the summer; CRIKEYS! As I'll give Y'all a 'lil clue, psst Mr. Miles, there's a reason that Formula 1 holds the USGP at COTA in November. And it AIN'T in order to go head-2-head with Eddie "the Goose" Gossage!

And I won't even get started on the STUPIDNESS of Messer Miles "Winter league," as that Sir simply doesn't have legs... As how come nobody's talking about the likely Crew members burnout from this nonstop GO-GO-GO! Schedule - not to mention the total inflexibility of adding new races domestically, as ideally the schedule would mimic - wait for I-T! Here comes the roar of thy Ovalhead traditionalists... A somewhat CART-ish calendar, i.e.; opening in early March and wrapping up in early or mid-October, as even if 'Dem winter races come off; A, who's gonna watch them; chirp-Chirp, there's motor racing on NBCSN during winter hockey? And B, whose  gonna attend them. Hmm? May be hold a race in Abu Dhabi or Qatar during the summer; Yeah, that's the ticket! 


And I can already hear the argument being made of how convenient it's for the teams, majorly based in Indianapolis to be running an extra race upon Mother Speedway's "New & Improved" road corse, which I'll give IMS the benefit of the doubt that its improved over the old F1 and MOTO GP layouts, but that's really not  saying much is it?

As this race is being touted repeatedly as a 2+ hour "infomercial" for the greatest spectale in motor racing; ACK! As really? How does racing on a road course going the opposite direction during the month of May do anything to entice the casual fan to attend an oval race a few  weeks later. I mean isn't this marketing practice repeatedly tried year-after-year, i.e.; the IndyCar calendar?

But let's get down to the real reason, not to mention the likeliness of a title sponsor for the event, as its simply designed to put MORE Greenbacks into Hulman & Co's wallet! As once again it seems nobody is willing to discuss that everything being done for Indy Cars at the Speedway is FOR the  Speedway, specifically Hulman & Co, as Mark Miles seems solely focused upon increasing IMS's bottom line which directly relates to his paycheck... As I've heard absolutely NOTHING explaining how Hulman & Co is re-investing the profits into its business, i.e.; the Indy Car Series which I believe it also owns?

Yet I'll admit that the running of the Indianapolis Grand Prix, really? A Grand Prix is a Formula 1 race; SHEISA! Can help Indy Cars other events - provided Hulman & Co doesn't just keep the extra revenue in its pockets and instead uses the cash to stabilize the other 17-events nationwide.

Since IMS is simply doing this to improve its pathetic Opening Day  weekend attendance figures; Uh Gee Wally? How come nobody's coming out on Mother's Day when there's only four rookies slated to go on-track... As the only true benefit to this race being held that I can S-E-E being the perceived exposure it could generate for the vaunted "Road-to-Indy" feeder series teams, which could eventually provide more drivers to graduate to the BIG CARZ in the future, since the boats still out on the current crop of Indy Lights champions foray in Indy Cars...


Regarding television, if Y'all have watched any of the races last year, most notably on NBCSN then Yuhs already know that the on-track action has been fantastic for the majority of events, albeit I found Baltimore's Bashathon a bit  too much over the top, since after all, if I wanna see wreckin' I could just tune into a 'RASSCAR race, right? Which I fear is a byproduct of the Nascarfication of the DW12 chassis, I mean what else could those Kardashian 'Humps be made for, right? But I digress...

Thus I'm floored that NOBODY but us Diehards are watching the IndyCar races on thee 'Telie, and I certainly DON'T have any answers; BUTT! Really? How do you expect to grow a product if you're locked into a 10yr contract that  doesn't allow for any cross airing opportunities, i.e.; three or four races on the B-I-G Network channel; Uhm, here we go again, a la F1's final three races being aired upon NBC...

I mean how could Hulman & Co have been so STUPID! Basically playing into ABC's hands. Hmm? Was it because of another nebulous topic nobody wishes to utter a word about called the Split! Like how the IRL ran itself into the ground and the only television channel willing to air Indy Cars was some obscure cable channel called OLN; Err Versus. While I cannot fault ABC for not being willing to compromise but, then C'mon NBC; Err comca$t! Step up to the plate and do some worthwhile cross promoting and NOT just during the F1 races. As it seems to me that either comca$t is gonna have to put its money where its mouth is and massively promote the SHIT outta IndyCar across A-L-L of its channels, i.e.; NBC, MSNBC, CNBC, USA, etc in order to have any hopes at all of moving the sacred ratings needle...

And that concludes this portion of my winter's slumber rant, to which Y'all can await the second riveting installment of these tiny thought bubbles whilst your No Fenders scribe is currently busy drinking Mai Tai's over in Kona, where hopefully the beach will be in this year!

To continue reading, see; INDYCAR: What Will the FutureHold?

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