Rotten Tomatoes, or should that be Tamales?

Y’all say PanaMax, I say Canamax…

 

Previously, the Armani Canamax champ car team was in the midst of a slate of rotating drivers. Most notably Jaque Dudley from Up North Eh! Having been dumped after our new Pretender-in-chief Billy Jo Bradshaw had won election to our nation’s highest office in a big, beautiful landslide…

 

Thus, the teams major Domo, a one Preston Henry Winchester III was hard at work as always to ring a few more ounces of performance out of His racing teams, and ultimately improving it’s owners and shareholders bottom lines.

 

Audrey,  get Dumfries, Duquione and Duncan on the line for me. Yes Mr. Winchester. Mr. W’, Baron Dumfries is currently in the Cotswold’s at His Hunting Chalet, but I’ve got (Junior partner) Gerrard Duncan on the phone…

 

Gerrard, what’s the latest on our lawsuit vs. that Pipsqueak Jonathan Truxbury? What do you mean He won’t pay the $100m (Australian Pounds) I’m requesting!

 

Very well. Look, every Damn time that Fucking ‘lil No Good Truxbury wins a race, I want you to request an extra $2 million in putative damages. And every time He finishes ahead of any of my Armani Champ Cars, tack on an extra one million! As that should make that Bloody Limey squirm!

 

Now look Gerrard, the reason I called was that we’ve got to do something about the illegal usage of the word Panamax All these wanton Burmese ship builders are building lately. As it’s leaving a bad stain upon our racing company…

 

Yeah, I’ll call my buddy Elroid in DC and see if He can get me a meeting with our Fearless leader.

 

Audrey, aske our truck driver Roscoe Snow to come see me immediately. Yes Mr. W. You asked to see me Mr. Winchester.

 

Does your ‘Ol Man still have His 50th Anniversary Peterbilt KP900 tractor that He used to haul Coors from Texarkana? Good, ask Him if He can meet me in Nashville at the Mockingbird Cafe tomorrow afternoon, its important. Yes Mr. Winchester. And tell Himn to leave His dog Butch Home…

 

Audrey, I’m going for a drive in the countryside. Tell Hugo to bring over my Canamax SP500 Special Spyder pronto, even if He’s at the Gym!

 

Hey Elroid, “What’s the Haps?” Yeah, you’re telling me about the price of Eggs! Thar’ one of our signature pancake brand’s main ingredient.  Yes Elroid, I’m calling on an encrypted SpartoCuss’ App. No, I didn’t add any of my family to it, What, Oh Never Nind elroid!

 

Look, I’d really like to meet with El Presidente to find out what He’s gonna do about the Peruvian Canal? Or at the very least tack on some sort of Canal usage fee to All of these PanaMax cargo ships sailing round the world. As they’re infringing upon our brand name…

 

Look, just let Him play with some of your Double Eagle gold pieces and Silver dollars. As He likes shiny things. Oh, I’ve gotta take this call from Achmed pdiumSoulayium. He’s threatening to Fine one of our drivers for saying the word Fart on the podium in Dubai…

 

Hello Mr. Snow, I’m glad you could join me for lunch. Yes, your son Roscoe’s doing a bang-up job for us. Now look Mr. Snow, or can I call you Cletus?

 

Ok Snowman’, here’s the deal. I’ve got to get 45,000 Grade Double A cage free snow downy pampered Eggs off of my books immediately before they All Hatch! No, I really thought we’d be able to move them over the Easter weekend…

 

Your son Roscoe’s loading them in a Gold Peterbilt KP9000C 100th Anniversary Sleeper tractor. All you’ve got to do is drive them up to The Great White North! To our William Joseph & Sons Bakery, where we’ll use them to make Doughnuts. And then return with 500 cases of O’Flaughtery’s Beer.

 

Yeah I know that there’s Triple-rate Dutys to pay now for crossing into our fine northern state, but you leave that to me. As I’m getting Billy Jo Bradshaw to write us a note saying we Don’t have to pay these, and you’ve got special permission to transport whatever you want!

 

Yeah, I’ve already spoken to the Bandit’. And Clint says He and His Old Lady Sally are in also, and will run interference for you like always.

 

Nope, they’re going in separate cars this time, since we know how they like to go Skinny-dipping at Niagara Falls! As Clint will be driving a black Canamax C45 Hypercar. While Sally will be running Caboose in Her black Canamax Rosberg LP675 tribute model.

 

As the three of you really shouldn’t have any problems outrunning those Mounty’, even if they’re on Arabian Horses. Any questions Cletus?

 

You’ll pick up the Brewsi’ at the Marigold Brewery. It’s an ‘Ol converted Labatts brewery that Billy Jo’s eldest son William owns.

 

Nobody knew that Billy Jo has a younger brother named Shane Bradshaw who was a Major League Baseball pitcher who played for the Blue Jays. Whale’ nobody knew until some Rolling Stones reporter listened into Billy Jo’s wife Lisa Maria telling Her Hairdresser via Her private SpartoCuss account. Look, I Dunno why His wife added that Rolling Stones reporter to Her private chat…

 

Yep, the Bradshaw’s are an old Irish family that made their fortunes growing potatoes, before branching into the Distillery business. And they were doing a brisk business with their O’Flaughtery Beer brand Up North Eh! Before All those G-Damn patriotic Kuhnucks’ started drinking Jack Dudley’s signature beer instead. As they’ll drink anything that’s made in their fine, beautiful state.

 

So I promised billy Jo I’d bring some of His brother’s favourite beer if He comes to watch us win this year’s Iron Maiden 5000 at the Speedrome in Brownsburg…

 

Yep, you’re right we’d better throw in another 500 cases just in case we do win. I’m sure Billy Jo will wanna throw a party with All of His Friends!

 

Mr. Snow, if you’ll do this favour for me, I’ll throw in the KP9000C tractor for you to keep. And I’ll buy you and your son anything you want for dinner at Saint Elmos in Carmel. Yeah, the Bandit and His wife can com too. Hell, sure even Butch is included! Do we have a deal?

 

Great, I’ll send you the coordinates for the W.J. Sons Bakery and where to deliver those ice cold O’flattery’s Brewski’s on SpartoCuss…

 

What? You don’t have a SpartoCuss account? Ok, I’ll get Roscoe to let you know via your Ham radio or whatever contraption your ‘Ol KP900 rig has in it. 10-4 Good Buddy!

 

Catch Yuhs at the Speedrome in Brownsburg. As you and Butch are welcome to join me in our luxury Turn-3 suite. Just make sure you leave the front row seats vacant for Billy Jo and His entourage…

 

For the previous Canamax Capers installment. Please visit the following No Fenders link below.

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2024/11/indycars-old-fashioned-radio-programme.html 

Another lost weekend of Shouting

As Are, You, Excited Now? Speak up you frothing Announcers…

 

Hmm, why did that title make me immediately think of an ‘Ol Rush song titled Between the Wheels, and the words Another Wasteland, Eh? Although it’s actually “another War, Another Wasteland and Another Lost Generation”, Righto Geddy…

 

“To live between the Wars in our time

Living in real time

Living in Good times

Holding on to Yesterdays,

 

You know how that Rabbit feels

Going under your speeding wheels

Wheels can cut you down

But the Wheels of time

Just pass you by”

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cj1eUnNOvpY

 

Spent the entire weekend of April 11-13 consuming four separate motor racing series, i.e.; IndyCar, IMSA, formula 1 and MotoGP, Gulp! With my primary focus upon Indy Cars at The Beach’, ergo Long Beach. Along with the IMSA Sprint race which featured the return of Robert Wickens; beginning with Friday’s first IndyCar practice session.

 

Catching half of Saturday morning’s second IndyCar practice on (Fox Sports) FS1, as FS2 pulled Ye ‘Ol Switcheroo. Bumping the MotoGP Sprint race to that afternoon in favour of showing us more Bassmasters, Fish On!

 

Then IndyCar’s Qualie’ session capped off by the 140mins IMSA Sports Car “Sprint” race.

 

Next I “watched”, Err listened to the Bahrain Grand Prix Sunday morning, followed by the Long Beach Grand Prix and the nightcap being MotoGP’s delayed airing of the Qatar Grand Prix.

 

Now perhaps it’s just Mwah, but All of these races seemingly blurred into one long set of Boring motor races! Especially both F1 and MotoGP, the latter definitely not worth waiting until 9PM Pacific to watch, Urgh! As what did Raymond Hando say about late race start times ruining your day?

 

So, I didn’t catch the Australian Grand Prix, other than listening to the Highlights package. Being the most exciting of the season’s first four races, largely due to inclement weather, i.e.; passing rain shower…

 

Yet Formula 1 has largely been processional, even though I’m happy that Oscar Piastri has won twice from pole. Other than I hope He won’t get too swell-headed over thinking He can win the championship. As He’d be smart to ask His manager Mark Handlebarz’ Webber how that worked out Yas Isle 15 years ago!

 

Cannot say that IndyCar has been Uber exciting either, albeit at least there’s been passes for the win, even if Alex Palou won the first two races, followed by second place at Long Beach, where effectively Kyle Kirkwood led wire-to-wire from pole.

 

As it’s funny how at least the DW12 seems more capable of following other racecars and allowing for passing, but is this a biproduct of Firestone’s different rubber coumpounds?

 

Whilst Pirelli makes a range of different compound tyres for Formula 1, the choice of five various compounds in this range seems to be too small for meaningful tyre performance drop-off. As just consider how many drivers ran a one stop race at Shanghai…

 

As it’s even more funny how the current F1 chassis regulations introduced in 2022 were specifically designed to allow for the trailing car to run closer behind and encourage passing! Yet the ten F1 Constructors designs has seemingly converged to the point that this is no longer applicable.

 

Making a Farce of Formula 1 further, is the FIA instituting a mandatory second tyre stop at Monaco this year, to artificially induce some passing upon the narrow streets of Ye Principality, where overtaking is nye impossible…

 

Meanwhile, Team Penske and it’s factory Porsche 963’s have been untouchable. With the team’s No. 7 entry having won the first three races, Yawn! As don’t know if Long Beach was their second 1-2 finish?

 

Whilst Ye Pinball Wizard’, aka Marc Marquez returned to His domineering, winning ways in Qatar. Claiming His fourth, consecutive pole, along with four consecutive Sprint races on the trot. Plus His third Grand Prix win in Doha, Yawn!

 

Oops, what about the Shouting you might be saying? As I just don’t understand why the various TV Announcers think they need to Shout at us to get excited?

 

Although I did tune-in to my very first dosage of the new FOX TV announce lineup. For which I must say, Will Buxton seemed completely, totally out of place!

 

While Jack Harvey didn’t seem “Stiff” to Mwah, just think it’s His dry, British accent coming across…

 

As my favourite Announce Duo of the weekend was IMSA Radio’s John Heindhaugh and Ryan Marin during the Long Beach Sprint race. As Marin manages to interject enthusiasm without shouting or screaming. And Heindhaugh’s always entertaining.

 

Whilst the King of Screamers Kroftie’, aka Sky sports f1 lead Pundit David Kroft was doing His usual bit to keep me awake thru another boring F1 race!

 

And I don’t wanna say that the Long Beach IndyCar race was boring, But! Even Mark Gravelly’ James didn’t bother shouting euphorically over Kirk Kirwood winning, which speaks volumes to Mwah.

 

Yeah, it’s gonna be a Gory long, Hard season of motor racing, if this it what will typically transpire the rest of the year, outside that ‘lil ‘Ol Oval track at 16th and Georgetown. Provided we Don’t have more multiple faux Red Flag stoppages, or some Golf game on Thy Telie!

 

Then again, I suppose a boring race weekend is better than NO racing at all, Eh?

 

Partial song lyrics from: Between the Wheels by Rush. From their 1984 Album Grace Under Pressure. 

Think You’re Having A Bad Day?

As perhaps I should have chosen U2’s Sunday, Bloody Sunday instead?

 

Naturally, Y’all can figure out why that ‘Ol “Tell Me why I Don’t like Mondays” song I Don’t like Mondays by the Boomtown Rats springs to mind here, Righto?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yteMugRAc0

 

As I realize it’s what He gets paid millions of dollars, Euros whatever to do for a living, but you’ve still got to feel for thee Martinator’s Nightmarish year! And how much things would be going differently if not romping on that cold Michelin tyre at Sepang during pre-season testing Wayback’ in February…

 

Thus we know that Jorge Martin crashed heavily and broke His hand and fractured a foot during that test outing. Requiring surgery to His right hand to place a screw in a metacarpal. While His left foot was left to heel on it’s own.

 

Then on the Monday preceding the season opener Thailand MotoGP race, Martin injured Himself again in a training accident. Suffering multiple fractures to His left hand, including the thumb carpal! Needing further surgery to repair His broken wrist…

 

Martin ultimately missed the first three rounds at Thailand, Argentina and Circuit Of the Americas, (COTA) before making His Aprilia debut at Qatar.

 

Now I could play Monday morning Quarterback here, but that seems pointless. As All racing drivers and riders seemingly live under the mantra of you’re only as good as your last race. And you don’t want to be out of circulation too long, less being forgotten or replaced…

 

Yet with the amount of physical pain Jorge was enduring at Qatar, it now seems obvious He rushed His return to racing, before disaster struck once again the Hapless, reigning MotoGP World champion.

 

Arse-suming Y’all know that Martin lost control of His motorcycle during Sunday’s Grand Prix, with Fabio di Giannantonio directly behind Him. With the Italian rider having nowhere to go and striking the fallen Martin in the back on-track with His front wheel!

 

Jorge ultimately suffered eleven broken ribs and a collapsed lung! Staying in Hospital for several days with a chest tube to drain fluids from His lung cavity before being released. But having to wait for His lung to sufficiently heal, i.e.; one to three weeks before being cleared to fly home, due to the altitude’s pressure difference. Before further treatment, rest and recovery, all under the supervision of His phalanx of medical professionals, i.e. Doctors and Physio’ commencess…

 

Martin will obviously miss several more races, with scuttlebutt suggesting the Spaniard will be out of action a further three months, with test rider Lorenzo Savadori further deputizing at Jerez, and presumably afterwards.

 

Yeah, now I know Why I don’t like Mondays… 

Talking Trains, Not Turkeys

As No Lucas lectrics’ Jokes Here!

 

Yeah, bare with me Y’all, or indulge Mwah. Since after all it’s my Blog and I can Jolly well scribble’ whatever I want. Although I’m probably Preaching to The Choir. Or more likely Talking to The Hand! As what’s that ‘Ol Pressdog saying about Don’t Engage the Crazies George?

 

Having regaled Yuhs about my latest train adventure home, I’ve learned more than I’ve ever known about the Amtrak Cascades Express trains.

 

Whilst I can no longer recall when the first time I ever rode an Amtrak train was? Although I do recall riding home from Portland circa 1996. And then believe I started riding them Up North eh! To Vancouver, BC in the early Ought’s’. And then definitely took it once-a-year to Portland for the final three years of Champ Car at Portland International Raceway, (PIR) but I digress…

 

Was surprised that I found an immediate answer to what type locomotive the Cascades Express No. 503 train route uses. Being a Siemens SC-44 Charger. With these Diesel-electric locomotives beginning production in 2016 in Florin, California. And the first SC-44 Charger going into service on the East Coast in 2017.

 

Also learned that the SC Charger model generates it’s own Head-End Power (HEP) in it’s locomotive car. Generating the 60Hz used to create the necessary electrical demands for the passenger cars Heating/Cooling, (HVAC) lighting, WiFi’, etc. Including electrical power to individual business class seats and the Bistro/Dining car.

 

Thanks to Ray, I also learned that one week after my trip home, where the power failed on our train, albeit guessing it was the passenger cars connections. That Amtrak had to suddenly pull all of the Cascade Express railway “Sets” out of service after finding severe corrosion on the passenger cars, Say What?

 

As these Horizon passenger rail cars were built in-between 1988-90, or 1992? By a now defunct division of Bombardier, and had aluminum bodies on steel chassis, which is a recipe for corrosion.

 

Although there was one train set that wasn’t comprised of Horizon rail cars that remained in service. As this lone Cascades Express train apparently used the old Talgo rail cars? And ironically I believe it was the very same 503 route from Seattle to Eugene…

 

Full Cascades Express service was restored eleven days later, albeit with reduced rail cars comprising each train set. As rail cars were diverted from the east coast and other Amtrak routes. While the Washington State Department Of Transportation (DOT) has reportedly, already ordered eight replacement train sets from Siemens. Along with a further two SC-44 Charger locomotives.

 

These Venture rail cars are slated to be acquired this year, but not go into service until 2026. Whilst I still don’t comprehend the difference between Talgo and Horizon passenger rail cars? Other than I tend to recall that the initial Cascades Express routes began with the Talgo rail cars.

 

Now having learned that indeed the initial Amtrak Cascades Express service that began in 1998 utilized Talgo Series VI train sets, with two Series 8 sets joining in 2013. With the older Series VI sets being retired in 2020 and replaced with those corroding Horizon sets, which will inturn be replaced by the Siemens Venture “Rolling Stock” coming online shortly.

 

Whilst I just learned that Talgo is a Spanish company, and not French as I’ve always Arse-sumed, especially after riding a high-speed Talgo TGV train from Colone, Germany to Paris, France Wee-Wee! With the late-Canadian lass Clare nearly two decades ago, but I digress further…

 

Prior to my latest train excursion, I “read”, Err listened to an article on the Boseman Daily Chronicle titled Are Passenger Trains entering the Golden age, or End of the line?

 

As the article points out how the “Double Decker” passenger rail cars utilized on on the Empire Builder and Coast Starlight are Amtrak’s most used passenger cars. Racking up enough miles to circumnavigate the world seven times a year!

 

Yet these same rail cars were built during the 1970’s and 1980’s and are just one major collision away from wiping out the fleet! Although a tender was put out for new passenger rail car construction last year, as part of the Infrastructure Investments and Job Act of 2021. These cars won’t be put into circulation until the 2030’s, provided you-know-who doesn’t torpedo those plans…

 

As Amtrak was created in 1971 and has basically suffered fifty years of neglect regarding it’s rolling stock, primarily it’s passenger rail cars, due to a constant lack of investment, penny-pinching and outright slashing of funds over the decades.

 

Last year, Amtrak recorded an increase to nearly three million riders, while the Cascades Express services from Vancouver, BC to Oregon carried a stout one million riders. Which I don’t know about Y’all, but that’s a lot of cars off of the roads, freeing up the Interstate for other travelers!

 

Not to mention that everyone cannot drive a motor vehicle, like your Blind No Fenders scribe Tomaso. As have I reminded Y’all lately I’m blind?

 

Reportedly, in fiscal 2017, the Cascades Express routes, which travel 467 miles from Eugene, Oregon to Vancouver, BC, was Amtrak’s eighth busiest route.

 

Amtrak, like many Government agencies is working quite good right now, as I’d say a large portion of it’s daily delays are caused by sharing the BNSF railways and that Freight trains get priority. And privatization would only benefit whomever got the contract. Not to mention the scores of employees who’d lose their current jobs!

 

As here’s a novel idea. Instead of some Emperor wearing new clothes, whose easily distracted by shiny things. And publicly lambasting our nation’s current rail system. How about stepping up and increasing spending on this vital network of transportation that millions depend upon?

 

Hey, I know, how ‘bout we go back to steam powered locomotives, as I hear that coal’s making a comeback. As who cares about that mercury or arsenic in the air, All Aboard!

 

Yeah-Yeah, I know. The future’s so bright, Uhm where’s my Gory sun glasses, OH Never Mind! 

When the Lights go Dark on Amtrak!

Tomaso with His “service” Dog Hang-10’ Hilo waiting for the train. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

And that’s got Nothing to do with El Presidente giving this Government Agency the Midas touch!

 

Ah Matey’s, here’s another soothing lullaby about a somewhat typical, Madcap 13 hours trek homewards…

 

Not to mention Microsoft’s Office being persnickety per usual! Since no matter what I do to try changing the text below to my normal font settings, it won’t save it, Sigh!

 

Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen told me to set my talking keychain clock’s alarm for Gory 5:15AM, Crikeys!

 

Ah, the joys of Island life, as this included being early for the 6:20AM Ferry back to Ye “Mainland”. Before an El Stupidio breakfast at IHOP at 7:00AM. As the cook was incredulous when our chirpy waitress told Himn my order. As I ended up paying $15.43 for a plain egg breakfast Burrito; asking to “Hold” the bacon, ham and Snazzauges’ I Don’t eat following my Heart surgery…

 

As I highly doubt we’ll ever do that again, especially since it took 40mins! Before scurrying to the nearby train station where I barely had time to use the Loo’ before boarding the 8:00AM Cascades Express train to Eugene. With the train being early and leaving at 8:00AM sharp from the Tacoma train station, all Aboard!

 

Suppose I should have known something was up, Eh? Since I swear there was zero Heat turned on from Tacoma to Portland, albeit we “flew” south to Portland in 2Hrs 45mins, including four stops in-between.

 

Whilst I’m glad I’ve long since figured out where the bathroom door’s lock is, since twice people tried opening the door as we sat for an half hour in Portland. Making me flash-back to the first time I’d ever ridden this type of train and not knowng how to lock the door, Surprise! As the door opened upon Mwah in the middle of you know what when headed to Vancouver, BC decades ago, but I digress…

 

Yet strangely, when I tried calling Mary Ellen on my cell phone twice whilst parked in Portland I couldn’t dial out or get Her number to ring, WTF? As this was an apparent sign of things to come…

 

Approaching Oregon City, OR, our Conductor made the first of multiple announcements, telling us that our train was currently experiencing electrical maladies – including no WiFi’ or HVAC, i.e.; Heating/Cooling, or power to the business class seats. Although it smelled like dust burning briefly when waiting at Portland, when I finally felt heat coming up from the heat register alongside my seat…

 

Following Oregon city, the Conductor announced that the train was just running on electricity; that’s what I believe He said. Although I did Arse-sume correctly that it was a Diesel Electric locomotive pulling us…

 

Saying they’d troubleshooted everything possible to no avail, i.e.; Fuse breakers, Computer reboot, etc. And were going to try one more outside train fix at our next stop in Salem, whatever that meant?

 

Arriving at Salem sometime before 12:28PM; time of the first of two emails sitting in my Inbox when I got home that evening, alerting me of our train issues, Uh Duh!

 

Our Conductor said we’d be staying put there until receiving permission to proceed. Since we didn’t wish to become stranded somewhere between Salem and Eugene with no pick-up possible, like Marion. And He’d give us further updates when

Possible, with Management working on Plan B, whatever that was?

 

Telling us we were allowed to leave the train to stretch our legs if desired, but should remain nearby the train. And then the female Café worker told us She’d put out complimentary water and snack packs for us. While those remaining seated around me “Cheered” when the lights went on. With somebody said whatever they’d wiggled, worked! Meaning I’d had no idea we’d been riding in the Dark for awhile, Hya! Or if this was a momentary fix?

 

After a half hour’s plus of sitting on the train, (sometime after 1:05PM) our Conductor made an announcement I’ve never experienced before in all my decades of riding Amtrak. Announcing that our train had now been Cancelled and would be going no further than Salem! Due to electrical Gremlins, two stops north of our final destination Eugene.

 

Our Conductor said He’d be passing thru the train to take a roll call of those remaining and that a bus was on it’s way to transport us to our final destination in 20-25mins.

 

Then the same female Café worker made a further announcement saying we could take whatever food we wanted from the Diner Car since it would have to be thrown away that evening. But this didn’t include any Alcohol…

 

The Conductor who handled the whole procedure remarkably well in a calm, firm but polite manner told me that yes, I’d make my Link Lane Shuttlebus connection from Eugene to Florence before escorting me off the train and into the adjacent Salem train station.

 

Then another Amtrak employee escorted me outside to stand against a concrete wall to line-up for boarding the soon arriving bus.

 

Next a friendly female employee asked for everybody to wait to allow the visually impaired rider to board first. As She guided me up the bus’s multiple steps and into a front row seat. Before our bus filled up and off we went on the Highway south to Albany and then finally Eugene, arriving at 3:12PM approx. Or roughly an hour and one-half after our trains scheduled arrival. With the bus ride taking approx. 1Hr 45mins…

 

Did the ‘Ol college try at the train’s ‘lil Boys room before another friendly female Amtrak agent escorted me outside. Taking my suitcase for Mwah, and placing me underneath the building’s overhang to be out of the rain while waiting approx. 20mins for the Shuttlebus to arrive.

 

Then the man standing to my right with His wife offered to load my suitcase aboard the Shuttlebus. While it’s driver, the famous Jethro’ sat motionless, didn’t budge a muscle or even call out the Shuttle to me! Presumably the only Blind person who utilizes it? Although perhaps He thought I was traveling with the others?

 

This kind man also helped me aboard, with His wife directing me to an empty seat, while He told Jethro He had one more bag to load…

 

And then this same, kind, Good Samaritan repeated the process for me when we arrived at our destination in Bumfuddle’ Florence, where I awaited the local taxi to pick me up and complete the day’s arduous journey!

 

Amtrak subsequently sent us an email apology for any inconvenience. And then sent us a travel voucher for a future train trip , which I didn’t even ask for. Since All I’d cared about was catching the day’s final Shuttle which I did; so No Harm, No Foul as far as I was concerned…

 

And we didn’t even get delayed or detoured when riding the Shuttlebus. Even though we did pass a car that had crashed into a roadside ditch on our way home!

 

As that’s another typical adventure for Mwah, which it amazes me that I always make All of my connections and get back home with the assistance of kind strangers. As I really enjoy riding the train, and dearly Hope there won’t be any Staff reductions or loss of service in the future! 

The Perks of being A Blind Traveler

An upright, mobile Tomaso poses with a brace ‘O Prancing Horses. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

What do you mean, I can’t take my Easter Basket thru Security?

 

Yeah, as I’m surrounded to the tranquil sounds of a chainsaw, Timber! Hopefully just “pruning” the bushes? As I prefer my shade trees, Numbskulls! And in lieu of hunting for chocolate Bunnies, Marshmallow Peeps, Jellybeans, etc. I thought I’d serenade Y’all with this Easter tale of woe. Or should that be Lake woebegone?

 

This March I went to Arizona, being the first time I’ve flown on a Big ‘Ol Jetliner post Open Heart surgery, for which I was somewhat apprehensive over going thru security now with “metal” in my body. As not only do I have a mechanical heart valve, to which I have zero clue over it’s materials composition, but supposedly also carry stainless steel “bailing” wire around my sternum that was cut in half…

 

SO I asked the friendly Check-in Agent, who breezily said to tell TSA when I got to security. Then I awaited my “Chariot”, Err wheelchair to take me to my Gate. Since I’ve long since given up “fighting” over going by wheelchair thru crowded airports, which really is the easiest way for all involved.

 

Thus, a very no-nonsense, curt, All business woman briskly pushed me to my Gate, first going thru security. As I repeated my inquiry about my heart valve when handing my ticket and ID to the first security worker, who once again just said tell TSA.

 

Now in years past, after I’ve removed my shoes, put them, my folding white cane, backpack, etc. into the bins for screening, I’ve always been allowed to walk thru the X-Ray machine with the assistance of a TSA worker guiding me thru by taking my hand. Yet little did I know this wouldn’t be an option on this trip! For which I wasn’t even asked about, or given the option. Which I must say I found disconcerting…

 

But first I had to deal with the woman assisting me, who was very gruff and apparently didn’t understand what being Blind means? Curtly telling me to put my boots in the bin, on the table. Uhm, Hello? Do you realize I’m Freakin’ blind and cannot see the table or bin sister! As the “fun” was only beginning!

 

Little did I know that I’d be receiving a full body pat-down. With the TSA security worker explaining how He would be running the back of His hand in a horizontal and vertical motion over my groin and buttocks, Swell! After telling me to raise my arms up and hold them like somebody on a cross. Hey, after all the Easter Bunny does make Her yearly appearance today, Righto?

 

Telling me I could remain seated in the wheelchair, but to hold my arms up as He ran His hands over them, before patting down both the front and back of my torso, beginning with my backside…

 

Before  He got to my buttocks, He inserted His fingers inside my jeans waistband. Yo Dude, you’re getting a Wee bitamyte’ Frisky! Before asking me to slide to the right and left of the chair, and raise my buttocks into the air for Him. As I lifted one butt cheek at a time, before it was time for my frontal lobotomy, Err probe of my groin, Ooh la lah! Before He thoroughly patted down my legs to my ankles on both sides, with All of this “screening” occurring in full public view, since I’d declined the “privacy” screening…

 

And as I sat there being frisked, I suddenly realized that I’d brought my metal Hiking water bottle fully filled. Musing to myself kiss that goodbye! Before a female security agent pleasantly asked if I’d like Her to empty it for me? Yes, that would be wonderful, after She’d inquired if I had water inside it? Not only putting it back into the plastic bag I had it in, to prevent having a wet backpack. But also put the twisty “zip-tie” back on it…

 

Then my friendly wheelchair attendant, HaHa! Told me to put on my boot, which you guessed it, were on the table, Sigh! And then just pushed me to my Gate, said it’s right in front of you and simply walked off without saying a word.

 

Parked at my Gate a half hour before boarding, suddenly Southwest Airlines made a Gate change announcement for my flight, as my waiting area simply became a Ghost town with me being the only person left there in my forlorn wheelchair, WTF? Wondering if somebody was going to “collect” me? But nothing happened…

 

As I started to get a little bit concerned after they’d made the second Gate change announcement for my flight and I still sat alone. Hearing what sounded like an Airport worker nearby, I unfolded my cane and prudently called out to this lone man in the concourse. Hearing His walkie talkie squawking “Airport-speak”, asking if He worked here? Who then summoned somebody to come get me, take me to the new Gate, which thankfully I made my flight!

 

Ah Contrair, the fun’s just beginning, as that was only round one of going thru security.

 

And it’s funny, Haha? How each airport does their security screening. Since in Phoenix I didn’t bother to remove my portable CD player from my backpack. Hey, everybody still uses those, Righto? But Gee Wally! My backpack made it fine thru the x-ray machine without removing it, which I’d done in Seattle…

 

Yep, you guessed it. Once again, I got to be up close ‘n personal with a TSA security agent for another wheelchair pat-down. Although I had zero clue that this would be an enhanced full body pat-down! Being the youngest of the three wheelchair bound travelers; with a woman who was 81 and a man 72, I just sat there parked alone for several minutes.

 

Then two agents approached me and asked if I had anything to declare? Telling them about my heart valve and bailing wire, they asked if I was able to stand for 4-7mins?

 

Standing upright, once again I got to spread my arms like being on a cross. Before the one man said I could put them down after He’d seen my one hand shaking apparently? After they’d been thoroughly patted down.

 

Now, not only did I get to have my buttocks and groin patted down with the backs of His palms. But this time they had me give myself a “wedgie!” Asking me to pull my jeans waistband up as high as it would go and then hold it there!

 

Yet first I needed to remove the empty plastic produce bag I’d forgotten was in my rear pants pocket. With the agent asking if I could remove it for Him please. Which He handed back to me later…

 

As I hiked up my jeans, holding them by the empty belt loop on each side, once again a hand slipped inside my waistband front and back. And then He asked me if I could spread my legs? A little further, please…

 

As the second man then instructed the one patting me down, where to  thoroughly frisk me. Making me guess He must have been in training? He lightly “caressed” the insides of my groin down to my ankles before I could put my legs back together. Then said I could get back into the wheelchair, before my much friendlier male wheelchair attendant collected me.

 

Putting on my boots, the other male wheelchair bound member of our trio, who’d apparently watched these proceedings  bemusedly proclaimed to Mwah afterwards: My Gawd, I didn’t know I was traveling with Osama Bin laden!

 

Having watched the TSA agent search every inch of my body from neck to toes front and back thoroughly!

 

And that’s just a “small” flavour of some of my Blind travel Hijinx

 

As just don’t Call me Shirley! Roger-Roger. Guess I picked a Bad day to Quit sniffing Glue, Hya!

F1: Sainz Fined for last minute Bathroom run in Japan

As What can Brown do for You?

 

In another sign of just how out-of-touch Formula 1 is, I’m certain you’ve heard about Williams Racing Carlos Sainz Jr. Bathroom Fine of EU $10,000; approx. $11,340 USD for being a skosh’ late to the Japanese national anthem at Suzuka.

 

Even though an accredited Doctor confirmed that Sainz had had a stomach issue and He’d given the Spaniard medicine to rectify it, the FIA Fined Sainz anyways. Apparently expecting the driver to have an accident in His Firesuit instead!

 

As Sainz freely admitted He was five seconds late to the start of the national anthem, for which I’d say that Carlos wasn’t showing any disrespect to Japan at all. Just trying to deal with an honest medical issue beforehand.

 

Sainz, who was rightly peeved over the ridiculous fine mentioned in the Thursday press conference in Bahrain Shit Happens! Saying He hoped He wouldn’t be fined for saying such an offensive word…

 

As all I can say is “What Can Brown do For You?”

 

Seriously, the FIA is going out of its way with Draconion penalties for swearing or going to the bathroom before a race?

 

As I’m really trying very hard to not scribble about a driver being humiliated by having to stand for the national anthem with soiled shorts! Err FIA approved fireproof Nomex boxers, Oh Never Mind!

 

As this is ridiculous! And when will the FIA start treating the drivers like the Adults they are? And not fining them for going to the Potty’ or saying that provocative word S-H-I-T! 

Alien Shivers in Lone Star State

But at least like All Ghoulish Ghosts, He didn’t Break any bones!

 

Whale’, my original working title was COTA Ghost Haunts Marquez, or something to that effect. Although when attending multiple U.S. grands Prix at Circuit Of The Americas, I believe that Austin Sherpa Claudio told me that they were Aliens! Although back then I think that The doctor’, aka Valentino Rossi was the lead Alien, ci? With Jorge Lorenzo and Rossi’s arch nemesis Ye Pinball Wizard, aka Marc Marquez making up this trio of Kneedraggers’ who could simply do things out of this world on their Scooters!

 

Although before I attended those COTA rounds over a decade ago, the Aliens were known to be Rossi, Lorenzo, Casey Stoner and apparently even Danni Pedrosa was included…

 

Whilst don’t know about Y’all, but I’m getting really tired of playing TV Network Wackamole for MotoGP! And after first thinking that Tru TV was Dropping the Ball again, since I couldn’t find the Austin round of MotoGP on it’s programming lineup. I was surprised to discover that it was on Fox Sports now instead…

 

Although not sure how effective hosting the premiere Kneedraggers motorcycle racing on the planet on FS1 and FS2 is? Hmm, makes me think of IndyCar and Motorsports, sans NASCAR getting third or fourth preference, but I digress!

 

As others will already be far ahead of Mwah, since it wasn’t until after COTA that I discovered that Fox Sports had inked a multi-year contract to host MotoGP beginning this season. While I have to say that I found last year’s Tru TV and Turner Sports Simulcast of the former Eurosports coverage far superior…

 

Although I didn’t know about it until after Sunday, Ye Pinball Wizard reportedly had His first crash aboard the Werks’ Ducati during Friday practice, which sounds like it was an outlier of things to come, Eh?

 

During Saturday’s Sprint race, Marc Marquez left an ominous, long black rubber streak upon the circuit when He nearly went down during the beginning stages of the Sprint. When being harried by Pecco’ Bagnaia and brother Alex for the lead! Yet Marc managed to inexplicably save His “slide” by simply putting the Hammer down and romping off for what the announcers gushed over being “Five for Five, in 25!”

 

As Marquez had set history to that point, having claimed all three pole positions, all three Sprint races, and both Sunday races to date.

 

But All streaks must come to an end sometime, to which Marquez’s was no exception. Seemingly enroute to another dominating victory on Sunday, leading by a comfortable 2.2-seconds. Marquez planted His front tyre on the white kerbing which still had some Slippery liquids on it. Lost traction and control of His bike and presto-change-O-O-Oh’, Crashed whilst leading!

 

As I have to say I admired Marquez’s spirit and determination to not Quit, which is probably why He’s a multi-times MotoGP World Champion! Even though He’d destroyed His all important fairing, along with ripping off a footpeg. Marquez tried soldiering on in P18 and dropping for five more laps before retiring.

 

As the announcers prattled on about how you simply cannot ride a modern MotoGP bike without a fairing due to the incessant buffeting. Especially when you’re doing routine laps above 300 Clicks’, i.e.; over 186mph, Sheisa! Since I think they were reaching 200mph at COTA?

 

Whilst I haven’t even discussed the pre-race rain shower that reaked havoc upon the grid. As Fabio Quartararo crashed during a “sighting” lap when trying to navigate the wet Ash-fault’ on a “Dry” Scooter’, i.e.; dry, slick tyres. With satellite Yamahopper’ rider  (Jack) Thriller’ Miller stopping to pick up the French rider.

 

Have to say it was during that Saturday’s Sprint race when Marquez almost crashed that I began wondering to myself how long it will be until He crashes again? And how long until He injurs Himself again?

 

Since Sunday’s race saw Werks’ Ducati teammate Bagnaia picking up the pieces after having aggressively broken up the Marquez train, as the two Spanish riders have been glued together, finishing 1-2 in every event until Sunday! As Pecco’ had barged His way into second place before Marquez crashed out!

 

As have to say the rider I’m most impressed by early on is Alex Marquez, the younger and mostly overlooked brother of Marc. Who’s been outstanding on the satellite Gresini squad on it’s year old Desmosedici GP24 Duc’. Leaving Austin with the MotoGP championship points lead, by one marker ahead of His brother. Having finished Vice champion, Err runner-up in all six races…

 

Another rider who’s impressed Mwah is Japanese MotoGP rookie Ai Ogura, riding for the Trackhouse MotoGP Team, on the “second” tier Aprilia outfit’s bikes.

 

As believe He netted an impressive fourth place finish in the season opener at Thailand, and was sixth overall prior to Qatar. Where Aprilia’s top Dawg’ and reigning MotoGP Champion Jorge Martin will make His debut for the Italian manufacturer, having been medically cleared by MotoGP on Thursday, prior to Qatar’s Friday practice.

 

As it was just plain weird not having thee Martinator’ on the MotoGP grid these past three events. Since with a nickname like that, you’d Arse-sume’ He’d fall into thoust “Alien” category, Eh?

 

Although Jorge’s certainly being Haunted by the Ghouls of Christmas Past right now! 

Dempsey returns to Cockpit

As Dr. McDreamy returns to racing once again…

 

Yeah, Y’all might have noticed the struggle I’m currently experiencing in getting thoust IWG (Internal Writing Generator) to work proficiently. Or at peak 100% operating capacity since returning from my latest, fantastic three weeks sojourn to Warshington’ and Arizona, Chirp-chirp, Bueller?

 

Look Ma, No Danica Peaking Jokes included this time, Hya!

 

Having definitely felt like ScottyMac’, aka Scott McLaughlin’s frustrating race outing at the Thermal club lately. Albeit I having been Bangin’ Wheels with anybody like Sparky’, ergo Devlin DeFrancesco, Youch!

 

Whilst I didn’t catch the final portion of Felix-the-Cat’s flattering compliment ‘bout Sparky at The Beach either!

 

Since I suppose all sriters, including the few of us remaining IndyCar Bloggers suffer from the well known plight of “Writer’s Block” occasionally. For which I never consider it being that, always having more ideas and items to scribble about swimming round my mental Jukebox than I can ever poond out!

 

Nope, it’s just simply the fact of not feeling inspired or wishing to spend All day at the keyboard! Even if another motor racing season is now upon us, and about to ramp up to full output. I simply haven’t gotten excited about racing yet.

 

Even though I feel like I’m just relentlessly poondin’ away on Ye Selectric to have something ready for posting Justin-time’ these Dazes…

 

Enjoyed this brief interview Marshall Pruett posted recently on Racer with former Dr. McDreamy of Grays Anatomy, ergo Patrick Dempsey.

 

Ultimately it was to promote Dempsey’s Documentary, which I haven’t “watched”, Err listened to, and doubt I’ll ever get a chance. Since I still have zero inkling over how a Blind person’s supposed to do the Oh, so cool Daddy O’ streaming everyone does these days?

 

As there’s a trailer at the bottom of the article which I did listen to, but found it somewhat hard to follow audibly…

 

As here’s the link to Marshall’s Racer article, where Dempsey discusses being lured back to motor racing after playing the role of Piero Taruffi in Michael Mann’s excellent movie Ferrari! And driving alongside Porsche Factory Hotschue’ Patrick Long, also having His own racing renaissance.

 

https://racer.com/2025/03/14/how-patrick-dempsey-was-lured-back-behind-the-wheel/