Sarah’s new chariot?
Just spotted this on My Name is IRL… That Sarah Fisher has gone off Elephant riding at the Indiana Zoo and the new mount named Tombi, is quite impervious to El Supremo Blocking Jobs… Not even Marco Andretti can upset this beast! But hey, I hear that at least its got plenty of room on its sidepod’s for sponsors…

Tracy goin’ Truckin’

Last night on Speed Freaks, Paul Tracy was interviewed about his recent testing outing in Chicago, where Mr. Chrome Horn tested a Toyota Tundra for Germain Racing, after the team asked him if he’d be willing to test for them. Tracy said the test went very good and he’s now set to make his Truck debut at Las Vegas on September 20th in the truck normally driven part time by Chrissy Wallace, with Tracy’s debut occurring in the 39yr old backyard.

Paul also mentioned that he’ll be participating in this years Goodwood Festival of Speed… Basically the Earle of Marcque called me up and asked if I’d want to drive some vintage cars if they paid for me and the missus to fly over first class… And I said sure, I’m NOT doin’ anything at the moment…

PT noted he’d be driving a few ex-Penske Champ Cars along with a few Lola’s, one being driven by Graham Hill in 1966 and the other belonging to none other then his ex-arch nemesis The Hamburgular, a.k.a. Sebastian Bourdais… Of which Tracy noted was pretty funny since he’d be driving the car of the driver he spent the past 4-5 years of his career hating!

And while rumours still abound over Derrick Walker putting together a “one-off” for Tracy to contest the upcoming Edmonton Indy Car event, Tracy seems to believe his long term prospects are more likely to come from the RASSCAR side of the fence, as he sees his Los Wage$ debut as a tryout for a fulltime Trucks gig in 2009…

Another Unser competing

NO! This ain’t no story ‘bout “Lil Al making a further comeback at the Speedway. Nor one of the other countless Unser’s like Johnny or Robby… Or ah shucks… Alfonse “Just Al” Unser III, who’s currently trying to re-invigorate his Open Wheel career by contesting the Indy Pro, Err, Flinstone Indy Lites series…

No, its just my clever tie-in for the very enlightening story; Al Jr.'s daughter champions her own causes, Which is about Cody Unser, the daughter of Al Junior and Shelly, who at age 12 was diagnosed with transverse myelitis, a rare degenerative spinal cord disease, yet still has the Unser’s need for speed in her blood, albeit she has a lead hand instead of lead foot!

Operation Support Sarah

First of all, I’d like to give a big “shout-out” to Full Throttle; My Name is IRL; Indy Racing Revolutions and Press Dog for all writing about Sarah Fisher’s financial plight caused by the delinquency of her proposed sponsors Gravity Entertainment and ResQ failing to honor their commitments.

Now according to Press Dog, you can get your very own limited edition Support Sarah Fisher Racing T-Shirt by attending this year’s Community Day;

“INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Sarah Fisher Racing (SFR) announced today that fans participating in the Community Day autograph session would receive a limited edition SFR “I Support SFR” shirt for donations made to the team for the 92nd running of the Indianapolis 500.”

For those of you like myself who are unable to attend but may be wishing to help support Sarah, you can send donations to:

David A. Noyes & Co.
Attn: Sarah Fisher Racing (SFR)
111 Monument Circle, Suite 300
Indianapolis IN 46204

And yes, your humble scribe has already sent in his contribution and is also a sponsor of this year’s #67 SFR Dallara/Honda/Firestone entry…

Good Luck this Sunday, Sarah!

Troxel bumps Danica

While Princess Danicker was busy snubbing The Deuce’s interview requests by leaving early to “Pump up” Indy in the Big Apple, prior to the rest of the 33 drivers arriving… Well ok, she did go along with Helio “Blue suede shoes” after all.

Another female racing driver was making her own news, as Avon, Indiana resident Melanie Troxle became the second female to win a Nitro Funny Car race yesterday at Bristol, Tennessee. Melanie’s winning pass of 5.06 seconds in the rain delayed O'Reilly NHRA Thunder Valley Nationals, makes her the first female in NHRA history to win both in Top Fuel dragster’s and “Flopper’s,” a.k.a. Funny Cars, while becoming the 14th person overall to accomplish the feat.

The final round against Mike Neff, who’s John Force Mustang erupted in a fireball at the 400 foot mark, was the first finals to feature two non-winners since 1995. Another historical first was accomplished when Troxel, a five time Top Fuel winner defeated Ashley Force in Round two, the very first All Female race in NHRA Funny Car eliminations.

Another entertaining note about Mrs. Troxle, is that she’s married to fellow NHRA Funny Car competitor Tommy Johnson Jr. and I’ll assume now holds bragging rights at home for the time being…

Way to go, Melanie!

The Sarah Fisher Saga

I was gonna try writing something further about the continuing saga of Sarah Fisher’s struggle for funding, as previously written in; ALL WET? But the good doctors of said blunted knuckles (Humor) at Full Throttle and My Name is IRL have already done the heavy lifting instead…

According to Jeff, you can Help save the Flying Fish; Err help a THIRSTY Honda engine consume fast amounts ‘O Ethanol. Or as Mr. CHiP’s has pointed out; You can send a portion of your Stimulus check to the Save Sarah Fisher Fund;

David A. Noyes & Co.
Attn: Sarah Fisher Racing (SFR)
111 Monument Circle, Suite 300
Indianapolis IN 46204


And speaking of All Wet… That’s exactly what I am, having to trek to the Post Office whose once again raised the price of stamps, but hey! “The checks in the mail!”

Dog Day Afternoon

Ever think you’re having “Juan ‘O ‘dem” Dog Day Afternoons?” As the following story was sent to me by AZ Bureau Chief Mary Jane…

Driver Forced Out After Killing Stray Dog
By PAUL LOGOTHETIS, AP
Posted: 2008-05-11 13:14:46

ISTANBUL, Turkey (May 11) - Bruno Senna was furious after having to abandon the GP2 race on Sunday with car troubles.

As Bruno Senna was involved in one of the most bizarre accidents ever witnessed at a motor-racing circuit. The Brazilian driver hits and kills a stray dog at the Istanbul Park track during a GP2 Series race that was part of Turkish Grand Prix weekend.
The problem?The front-right section of his car was mangled after he hit a dog that had made its way on to the Istanbul Speed Park circuit."It's unreal that something like this can happen at a Formula One event," said Senna, who is the nephew of three-time world F1 champion Ayrton Senna. "You expect an accident or retirement to take you out. Not this."Mike Conway of Super Nova just clipped the canine before Senna killed it on impact with 12 laps to go after working his way up to sixth from a 15th-place start.A second stray dog managed to get off the track during the race and escape through an exit.

And having just finished watching the tape of the Turkish GP2 race weekend, I can tell you that none of the SPEED TV announcers were very impressed by this unnecessary incident, with Professor Matchett being the most critical, saying that chief FIA delegate Charlie Whiting will be more than likely to bring it to the attention of the Race organizers that stray animals shouldn’t be wandering about the racing circuit! As this immediately makes me flash back to Cristiano Da Matta’s horrific incident when striking an errant Deer at Road America.

NO Dogs were injured, maimed or killed in the making of this story…

Update
Fore more on the various animals that have caused unintentional chaos with racing carssee; its Not just a Dogs life

Tony’s money maker

Don’t know why this caught my eye… As I tend to think of the IMS as NOT being technically savvy… Yet apparently a deal has been struck with Cha Cha… Nope, don’t fret. This AIN’T no smooshy tie-in with the Oxygen Channel, nor “le trio des femelles,” a.k.a. Princess, Milka and Sarah; Ooh lah lah, “Tres chaud, Mon Cherie!”

And it ain’t Shirley “Cha Cha” Muldohney either… Unless she’s found a white fire suit to saunter about Gasoline Alley…

No, Tony George is going’ somewhere… (Insert joke here?) Err, the Speedway is going’ High-tech as its just awarded another exclusive contract to Cha Cha, a Carmel, CA based internets start-up, which will provide official mobile answers services for the Indianapolis Motor Speedway during the month of May. As you can now ask Cha Cha any IMS related questions via your cell phone.

Q) How many cars will show up on “Boomp” Day?
A) Search results; Sorry, there were NO ANSWERS found matching your query…

And the service will also feature text alerts, which apparently were tried out this past weekend…

BUZZ- BUZZ- BUZZ!!! Ernesto Jose Viso; “You’re entering the WRONG Pit Stall (YOU NIMROD!) Continue to proceed 1,000 Feet FARTHER!!!

To which Eddie Carpentier sent EJ the following; Get the F%%K OUT of MY Pit you smarmy Brazilian…

FLASH: Whoa, Big Fella! Ease up Mr. Edwardo, Mezs un Ruukie…

BUZZ- BUZZ- BUZZ!!! Car #20, this is Brian Barnhart. Report to my office IMMEDIATELY!

HMM? Wonder if this is how Larry Curry got the memo on his dismissal?

Move over Danica

Oh My God! They’re taking over…

Yeah, that’s right… Another Female racing driver has just WON her very first major race, as Ashley Force defeated her father John Force to become the very first woman to win a National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) Funny Car event.

Ashley, who’s made the final round twice previously, was finally victorious against her legendary father John, who’s won a record 14 Funny Car titles and was making his 500th start this weekend in Atlanta.

The elder Force was also seeking a further piece of history by gunning for his 1,000th round victory, but spun the tires and went up in smoke to Ashley’s winning 4.837 seconds quarter mile pass at 320.36 mph aboard her Castrol GTX Ford Mustang.

Ashley also becomes the very first female to lead the “Floppers” (Funny Car) point’s standings…

Image building

While Dan-Dan-Danicker… May be the hottest commodity on the market right now, nevertheless, rumours abound that seven times World Champion Michael Schumacher is set to cash in on his good looks and charming personality… Well ok, but hey, L’Oreal was indeed after all one of his personal sponsors and he is a legend…

And although his previous acting credits to date are highlighted by his voice-over role alongside Mr. Boogity-boogity-boogity in CARS… The chisel-jawed German will indeed play himself in the forthcoming Michael Schumacher Story according to long time manager Willi Weber.

Meanwhile, Herr Schumacher’s nine year old son Mick, has just completed his first go kart race, using his Mother’s maiden name (Betsch) instead, not to draw too much media scrutiny upon ones self, having finished 8th and 10th in the races two heats. Could we have another Schumacher prodigy in the making?

Schuey’s new career?

While some media outlets were rumour-mongering the impending replacement of Felipe Massa with Ferrari wunderkind Michael Schumacher... Or the return of some double world champion Finn. (What day was it once again, Tuesday?)

And although I didn’t come up with anything nearly as clever as My Name is IRL’s scooping us on Pablo Doughnut’s hiring for the second seat at AJ Foyt Enterprises, nevertheless it was surprising to hear that the Seven Time F1 World Champion was making his debut in Motorcycle racing…

Yes, that’s correct! At the tender age of 39yrs old, the German donned his leathers ‘N crash bucket and took part in a minor KTM race held in Misano, Italy this past Sunday.

Having started on the front row, Schumacher fell back to 11th place before putting the hammer down, recording his fastest time on the race’s final lap, with a top speed of 204.8 kph. (127 mph) As the lap was good enough to net him the second fastest overall lap time with eventual winner Andrea Padovani. Stealing the fastest lap honours on the white flag lap with Schuey finishing in fourth, 5.169 seconds behind…

UPDATE
This just in from across the pond, Herr Schumacher was called up by the Ducati MOTO GP team to fill in as its test driver at Mugello, after the team’s normal tester was unavailable. Schumacher ran 42 laps, some 8 seconds off the current pace and stressed once again that while it was great fun and a honour to be asked by Ducati to fill in, he has NO plans of competing in MOTO GP…

Max appeal

AYE KARUMBA!!!

As the pleasant morning tranquility(?) of yesterday was shattered while posting the bleepin’ IndyCarzs stories, as some tawdry story appeared in my mailbox courtesy of Indiana Bureau Chief Danny B…

It was a ‘lil expose ‘bout MAD MAXXUM’s alleged tryst over the past weekend… Of which I wasn’t even gonna comment on at first, but Mosley’s scandalous lust for playing prison intern with a bunch ‘O German Fraulein’s seems to be burning up all of the internets…

(For those of you really desperate? I’ll leave you to your own to search out the video clips currently smoldering on the British tabloids!)

For those of you unaware of Messer Maxxum’s indiscretions… You may want to read the following(?) FIA silent on Mosley sex allegations

HMM? What’s the fastest way to get rid of somebody in the public spotlight? Wonder if this will speed up Sir Maxxum’s impending retirement, especially since Jean Todt is looking for something new to do…

Carber-RATT-ur Day

Still don’t have any inkling how Messer Gourdoun’s outing at the RASSCAR woodshed went today…

But, one more reason Robby may wish to focus upon competing at Indy this May is the headliner for ‘Ol Milwaukee’s, Err Miller beer’s Carburetor Day concert.

You may recall that some RAPPER was the big Dawg last year, Nope, weren’t Snoop Dog Dog, nor 85 center… It was some guy named Kid Rock. Now reports claim that this year’s entertainers will be the just reunited Stone Temple Pilots, who are sure to put the audience in a Rockin’ mood, when the infield will be filled with admiring Hoosier’s. Previous groups to entertain the masses include the B-52’s and the Black Crows…

So perhaps Dirtmann will wanna drive his street legal Hummer Dakar buggy down to 16th & Georgetown and catch the show. HMM? I wander if that MONSTER drinks mobile will fit thru the tunnel? Yet, I’m sure that the Yellow shirts will tell the Californian where’d duh go, eh?

Jimmy Clark film festival

Reports claim that Kevin K’s G5 aeroplane lifted off from Indianapolis this morning around 11:40AM. Seems that Messer Kalkhoven was in a hurry to get back to Bloody ‘Ol England in order to make both days of some cinema shows…

On a somewhat more serious note, it’s hard to imagine that Scotland’s Jim Clark perished forty years ago, as this truly legendary Formula 1 World Champion was fatally injured while contesting a non-championship event at Hockenheim on April 7, 1968.

To commemorate the 40th anniversary of this very sad occurrence, there will be a special film festival held this weekend in Oxford shire, England to honour Jimmy Clark’s magnificent motor racing achievements…

Jim Clark Film Festival

Tin tops for Ralfanso

While big brother Michael was winging his way towards his personal island, Il Wurld der Schuey after a round of golf and catching some tin top racing, baby huey, err, Ralfanso was busy kicking the tires on Mercedes Benz saloons as he was busy auditioning for the DTM circus for the upcoming season.

Ralf Schumacher has twice tested the C class Merc in preparations for joining the German Touring Car series this year, as Mercedes Benz has just announced that indeed the Junior Schuey will drive for the factory team in 2008. Apparently the Stuttgart firm was desperate to find somebody to replace Mika Hakkinen, whom retired at the end of 2007…

And perhaps Norbert Haag will want to keep this in mind when it comes time to renegotiate Ralfanso’s contract; Schuey Jr makes up bogus F1 talk

Terre Haute Trio

This is the type of feel good story that makes you want to immediately get involved with the project, as the amount of positive energy soothing out of my ‘lil confuzers pocket sized speakers was overwhelming…

Yet, how often do you hear about race tracks getting saved from the grim reaper? As Dave King has convinced Brian Dorsett and Davey Hamilton to partner him in an effort to bring an ‘Ol Dirt Track back to prominence and I only learned about this via Don Kay’s interview on his Autosport Radio show, where he cleverly billed his week’s guests as the Terre Haute Trio. After explaining who they were, Don let two thirds of the triumberant run rough shod over his program as Dave and Bryan explained what their vision was for the Terre Haute Action Track, while unfortunately the third hombre Davey Hamilton was tied up in a meeting. You may wish to check out this interview with Dave King; Terre Haute Action Track Special. As I wish them all the best with their new Endeavour. Hell makes me want to check out this race track and I’m NOT even a Sprint Car fan…

Love stinks, yeah-yeah

While Tony’s away in Jolly ‘Ol England witnessing the nuptial of the Cheepster’s Scott Dixon, I spotted the following video while surfing the net for any further media leaks upon the OWR situation. And I found it pretty funny to notice that Dan “Spike” Wheldon has cut the following video. You know, he’s the guy who once courted Nicole Manske when she was a blonde.

Yet, apparently it wasn’t all roses ‘N chocolates for the Ronster, as apparently He and Mrs. Dennis have filed for divorce after a partnership of 22 years. Perhaps Stepney-gate wasn’t the only spy scandal going on in Woking?

Meanwhile, Booby Ruble and Scott Sharp obviously weren’t sending each other any Valentine’s cards, as Rahal has won a judge’s preliminary ruling that Sharp indeed breached his contract by leaving RLR in order to jump ship to the American Le Man Series. But the judge told Rahal not to get too excited as he wouldn’t grant him his request to bar Sharp from driving in 2008…

MOTO GP

For those of you interested, you can now double your pleasure of two wheel thunder, as there are now two US rounds on the MOTO GP calendar.

2008 MOTO GP Calendar

March 9 Qatar Doha/Losail

March 30 Spain Jerez de la Frontera

April 13 Portugal Estoril

May 4 China Shanghai

May 18 France Le Mans

June 1 Italy Mugello

June 8 Catalunya Montmelo

June 22 Great Britain Donington Park

June 28 Netherlands Assen **

July 13 Germany Sachsenring

July 20 United States Laguna Seca *

August 17 Czech Republic Brno

August 31 San Marino Misano

September 14 Indianapolis Indianapolis

September 28 Japan Motegi

October 5 Australia Phillip Island

October 19 Malaysia Sepang

October 26 Valencia Ricardo Tormo - Valencia

Swimsuits and Eskimo pies

While another day has passed without any hullabaloo over the latest status of Open Wheel Racing, as Mr. George is off to BLOODY England and the Four Moosketeers are busy holding a conference call… Err, hold ALL of our calls and tell Robin Miller we’re NOT here!

For those of you keeping score, Team Canada will be traveling back North, Eh? As both Jack Vanilla and Pat the Carpenter failed to race their way into this weekend’s Daytona 500. Villeneuve spun and crashed, taking out three competitors’s including Dario “Where’s my pants?” Franchitti…

But never fear, Dario and Sam “I am” Hornish are assured of making the cut this Sunday as they both have top 35 rides, which guarantees them entry into the first five events. Hornish’s points come courtesy of Curt Busch, who’ll use his Champion’s provisional to make the races if necessary…

Meanwhile, needing to cool off from all of the firestorms surrounding the potential Open Wheel consolidation, making a big splash all by herself, is none other than the Princess. As Danica Patrick graces the pages of Sports illustrated swimsuit issue with a four page spread. It’s on your newsstands now…

Toyota gunning for No. 1

Perhaps I misspoke too soon, as I was led to believe that the Toyota Motor Corporation had surpassed General Motors as the Number One automaker in the world last year.

Yet Toyota has indeed overtaken the Ford Motor Corporation for the Number 2 position this year and the race between the General and its Asian rival appears to be neck ‘N neck as the two behemoths race nose to tail towards the chequered flag, although most auto industry insiders have given the nod to Toyota, both auto manufacturers seem to be staying mum on the subject…

LeMay adds Star power

I’ve just been informed by No Fenders Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen that “Lone Star JR” (Johnny Rutherford) has joined the Harold Lemay museum’s Board of Directors. This is fantastic news for the museum, which has very ambitious plans to house one of the most amazing private collections of automobiles in a state of the art facility in Downtown Tacoma. The museum plans to break ground in 2008 with first stage construction being completed in 2009 and Opening festivities in 2010…

Second Fiddle?

So I couldn’t help laughing after reading about American ex-Formula 1 pilote Scott “Nose” Speed’s baptism to Southern Fried cookin’

In case you haven’t heard, Speed completed his very first test in an ARCA Re Max bomber at Talladega yesterday, where he reveald some of the startling differences between the world of F1 and (Ack!) Roundy Round. Notin’ that he was so used to somebody buckling him in and carrying his crash bucket…

Geez Scott, you means uze gotz-ta buckle yourz own seats belts? As well as carry your own Helmet. I mean c’mon your only testin’ an beginner’s Stock Car!

Hmm, wonder how “Half Gainer” Dario will fair in testin’ Or did the Flyin’ Scot forget to strap himself in?

Construction work begins at Indy

Ok, so just how does “Juan” get over the giddiness of riding aboard a 180mph land shark around the Speedway! As I‘ve been busy scribbling down my thoughts of this most excellent adventure over the past few weeks…

Being driven onto the Brickyard grounds to report to the Formula 1 garages for my ride Danny b pointed out how the Red bull hospitality suite was still being dismantled two days after the Brickyard 400.

And as we tried to avoid the billowing dust clouds being created by the construction work, a Yellow Shirt (IMS worker) tweeted his whistle at us, apparently thinking we were a couple ‘O mangy Dawg’s? So we obliged and walk down the dusty torn up road with the earthmoving equipment busily scraping away at the infield portion of IMS in earnest.

This construction work is the major renovations being conducted to the newly announced 2008 MOTO GP event. Which entails a reconfiguring of the road course to a 16 turn layout running the opposite direction of the previous Formula 1 races. Thus seeing all three of IMS’s major events “Turnin’ Left.”

Interestingly Joey Chitwood, IMS’s “COO-COO” Bird and chief mouthpiece for Tony George claims that a vintage Indian motorcycle has been acquired and is being restored in time to run the very first parade laps of the newly developed road course upon completion. But Chitwood has zero interest in being the vintage “Scooters” pilot for said occasion…

Move over Danica (again)

Nope, it’s not another cheesy story about the Princess being upstaged by her rival female Indy Car competitors Sarah & Milka, nor is it some clever tie-in about Robin Miller’s new squeeze “Milk ‘N Doughnuts.” And it’s not anything about Mrs. Dario, err Ashley Judd singin’ in the rain in her wet T-Shirt at Indy…

But it was brought to my attention by Zach that Ashley Force has been chosen as AOL’s Hottest Athlete in Sports. Yes that’s right a “Flat liner” beat out the Princess as well as Football “Hunk” Tom “What ILLEGALY videoed signals” Brady. Guess the Princess will scratch AOL off of her Go Daddy Christmas card list, eh?

Wolfman Jack?

Apparently I should give up on the multi-taskin’ Since as I was furiously pounding’ away at the keyboard. I completely forgot about the weekly Autosport Radio broadcast hosted by Mr. Donald Kay. Therefore missing the past two weeks internets airing’s.

This Tuesday’s show should be a pretty good “Juan,” Since master of ceremonies DK has lined up Cruz Pedregon... and Andrew Haynes. Neatly tying into the upcoming MAC Tools US Nationals big whopper NHRA event. Check it out, as Messer Donald always asks some pretty off beat questions…

Live Webcast

While in Indianapolis Danny B introduced me to a little ‘ol radio show held weekly. This webcast is held live Tuesday evenings (7PM Eastern) and airs for 1 hour via the internets on Autosport Radio.

The program is hosted by don Kay live from McGilvery's Speedway, a local bar & restaurant nearby the Brickyard. The week that I visited the show was quite entertaining with DM being quite funny… Along with Roger Bailey, whom I believe was once the captain of Indy Lights.

You know the series that used to be the final stepping stone prior to graduating into CART. Interestingly I think I heard over the din of the crowd that Mr. Bailey is now involved in the Indy Pro Series.

Of course I was off by one week towards being in the audience for the show. As I would have definitely made plans to attend seeing two multi Indy 500 champions at once. As the two guests were none other than Big Al and Lone Star JR. Otherwise known as Al Unser Sr and Johnny Rutherford whom have a total of seven victories at the Brickyard combined! And I don’t know the history between Donald K. and the two guests. But Big Al was a total crack-up, causing me to go into hysteric laughing fits. As he made quips about Johnny being late because he’d needed to take a pee break while driving the pace car for five hours in the rain at Michigan…

And it’s pretty hilarious to drop in live pre-broadcast and be able to hear everybody getting’ their game faces on before Mr. Kay starts the show. So if you’re interested in a local Indianapolis perspective on the world of Open Wheel Racing then check out Autosport Radio this Tuesday…

What not to do in Baja

This story was sent to me by Danny B And I have to say it’s one of the strangest stories I’ve read about in quite a while. When a stricken competitor in the Baja was killed while obtaining a lift to a nearby checkpoint. This occurred when the vehicle he was riding in unsecured rolled down an embankment...

Outfoxing the competition?

And although I’m suspect of Tony G’s hometown paper, The Indy Star. Nevertheless they claim that the IRL had a 1.1 share vs. Champ Car’s .06 share in the Nielsen ratings during June 24th,s “Mano E Mano” race day TV coverage. (Cleveland vs. Iowa) See Hard Rock vs. Corn

Which makes me wonder what this past weekend’s ratings will be between F1 and Nextel Cup? As it seems a bit funny for the F1 circus to get the mainstream channel vs. cable. Although I found myself jumping over to the Champ Car race during commercial breaks in the later stages of the F1 race. As Champ Car was on ABC’s Family ‘O Networks “premiere” cable outlet ESPN.

But I’ll eave the explanations of what the Nielsen share ratings mean to Indiana Bureau Chief and SPEED TV Lightning Rod bearer Danny B, as it doesn’t mean “JACK” to me.

Meanwhile as Tony George publicly continues his “Sand in the Line’ rhetoric of holding a deadline of July 12th over Emperor Bernardo’s head. HA-HA- HA- HA- HA!!! Good “Juan” Tony… Rumours claim that Mr. Muppet spent the days preceding the French GP in Los Vegas trolling the Wynn Casino over a possible return to the streets ‘O “Los Wages…” Which held a pathetic little ‘ole Grand Prix in the Caesar’s Palace parking lot 25 years ago.

Yet Robin Miller has reported that George & Co. have already secured their fallback plan, by reportedly having inked a deal for Moto GP to compete on Indy’s road course beginning in 2008. And I for one would be willing to see the creme de la creme of Scooter’s racing at the Brickyard. After all, the Moto GP 2 wheelers are the Formula 1 of Motorcycling!

TV Fodder

While setting up the ‘ole VCR for this weekend’s races. I thought I’d pass along the following programming notes.

Sunday’s Canadian Grand Prix race coverage is on FOX. The Il Notre Dam event marks the beginning of SPEED’s big brother FOX’s four race coverage.

Apparently this is how FOX will fill its now empty RASSCAR time slot, airing the next four F1 races in a row. With two live and two tape delayed. Yet FOX will not host the usual half hour pre-race show as seen on SPEED, which will host its usual practice and qualifying coverage.

And after six weeks away from the telescreen, Champ Car will make its grand re-appearance on ABC.

As ALWAYS! Check your local listing for race day air times…

TV Land

Yeah, I know its summer time and I should most definitely be outside enjoying the weather…

But I find it most humorous that I cannot seem to find an unbiased media report upon the battle of the titans over Memorial Day weekend TV ratings.

The general consensus is that the Indianapolis 500 ratings were slightly down while RASSCAR garnered a “higher” share than the Indy Racing League. (Uh Duh!) Which of course should come as NO surprise. Yet even some reports claim that the Coke-a-Cola 600 ratings were also down.

So why all of the bother over TV ratings? Well I just find it hilarious that my “Wunderful” ABC affiliate KOMO has once again chosen to broadcast the Children’s Miracle Network (Children’s Hospital fundraiser) during this weekend’s Milwaukee Indy Car race.

Is this just another sign of how far Open Wheel racing has faltered in the only statistic important to the Networks (TV ratings) or MORONIC programming? Guess I’ll just have to go enjoy the weather instead! Way to go KOMO...

Future Formula 1 Star

There are several second generation “Names” out there currently cutting their teeth in the various “feeder” series, with aspirations of Formula 1 “grandeur.”

Names such as Sennaa, Mansell, Piquet, Rosberg, Andretti, Rahal and Tambay are just a few of the luminaries setting their sights on the pinnacle of motorsport.

Lamenting the demise of the Red Bull young driver talent search, which brought us current American Formula 1 “Torch Bearer” Scott Speed. I’ve noticed that Linksheaven has its own adopted “Young Gun.”

Jean Michelle Cousteau, err Jan Michael Vincent. Nope, that’s NOT it… It’s John Michael Edwards, who currently competes in the Champ Car Atlantics for the Forsythe/Red Bull team. And best of all, I see that Messer Edwards has finally passed his Driving test!

I’m happy to say that No Fenders has just named the very first recipient of the “NOFENDSO” (NO Fenders STAR of Tomorrow Driver) Trophy.

The award would have included a scholarship, but No Fenders is a “Schue-String” operation, hence there’s not enough in the Piggy Bank to pay for our selected candidate’s engine rebuilds. Let alone sponsor an entire race season.

So just who is the NOFENDSO Trophy winner you ask? It’s none other than Marcus Wilkinson.

The 15 year old Mr. Wilkinson is a New York native whom is busy preparing for the upcoming season and will compete in Mini Indy League karts at Batavia International Motorsports Park. (BIMP) Where Marcus has just finished inspecting his leased mount as well as doing a track “walk about” during orientation. This was the prelude for the season’s impending “Kick Off” event.
With the upward progression to the faster Kart, Marcus begins his third season of racing, after having begun his career behind the wheel of his very first race car, a 1987 Microd.

And Marcus was quick out of the box, finishing second in his debut at Starlite Speedway in 2005. In his second season, Marcus won the 2006 Starlite Invitational Trophy as well as finishing 7th in the Tri County Championship.

NO Fenders eagerly await's Marcus’s first Mini Indy League karting victory as well as his continued success. Now I must scramble to have the Trophy created...

Good Luck!

Grey Bar du Hilton

OOPS! It appears that Paris Hilton may not be able to make the rounds in “Monnaquoe” after all, as the starlet has just been sentenced to 45 days in jail.

And the headline notes that they hope Paris “Likes Chicken.” As the blonde strumpet has been ordered to “Not Pass Go!” Nor try finding a swank, secluded “Celeb’s Only” minimum security prison to do her time. “Excuse me Guard. Does this Orange jump suit clash with my hair? And I really need to have a manicure…”

No, Paris is going to have to do “Hard Time? As it depends on whether or not there are bunks available at “Chez Grey Bar du Motel.” (And I’m sure her lawyer’s will be working overtime on preparing her briefs…)

Meanwhile in Holland, Spyker is pushing forward with the launch of its newest facility, The F1 Sports Bar. Along with tapping Heineken as their “Official Brew.” So, perhaps they’ll delay the Grand Opening ceremony until after the chagrined Ms. Hilton returns from solitary confinement. Then again what better way to endorse your newest “bubbly.”

Cheers Paris…

What’s wrong with “RACIN”

Watching my favourite Motorsports “talk show,” Wind Tunnel with Dave Despain a few week’s ago, I was left pondering if “Juan” ‘O his callers from California was reading Robin Miller’s script?

The caller claimed the problem with Champ Car is that there’s NO consistency, while comparing the Long Beach Champ Car race to Talladega Nights, err Nextel Cup at Talladega, Alabama…

Now I’m not exactly sure that any responsible track owner/operator would wish to be currently compared with Talladega. After the “Deep Fried Yea-Hoo’s” got carried away with throwing cans and bottles onto the race track! (Can you imagine Bernie Ecclestone letting such a thing happen?)

Yet, as this was prior to the recent RASSCAR flare-ups over “Pretty Boy Floyd’s” passing of ‘Ol Ironhead’s career victories tally, the caller pointed out the obvious.

“I mean there’s NO fan involvement in Champ Car. NOBODY’S wearing any team merchandise. I mean not only do the Nextel Cup fans wear Dale Earnhart T-Shirrs, but they’ve also got matching No. 8 red “BUTT-WIPER” team jackets…” (Ok so I added the Beer reference, but I think you get the point?)

I find the “guilty fans” behavior totally DISPICABLE at RASSCAR’s last two events… Perhaps I just haven’t been to enough “real racin.” But I’ve NEVER been to a facility that ALLOWS you to bring your OWN ALCHOLIC BEVERAGES!!!

And while I’ll agree with the fact that the entire race attending public shouldn’t be penalized for these Drunken “Buffoon’s” behavior, there’s absolutely NO room for such a display of STUPIDITY!!!

(Perhaps we’re too civilized in the Pacific Northwest? Since I got really carried away at last year’s Portland Champ Car race and Booed the Hamburglar during the driver parade! But ALL OF THE VENDOR beverages at the track come either in “Plastic or Paper”)

Yet this led me to “Wunder” if the caller’s logic added up or not? As I’ll agree that Champ Car has had an identity crisis since the current owners bought the sinking ship. Each season has seen a massive influx of new drivers as teams are forced to scramble for drivers who can provide a suitcase or two of dinero to go along with their seat fitting.

As Robin Miller notes, there’s NO Stability in Champ Car, making Fan loyalty an effort of perseverance. And it seems quite obvious that “The Split” has been hugely detrimental to the stock of Open Wheel racing. While I certainly hope that Champ Car will survive, I just don’t see how either side can fully recover without merging race series…

And I have nothing against temporary street circuits, as long as they’re done correctly and have some entertaining scenery to go along with them. As one of my favourite events was the Vancouver, BC Molson Indy race. Yet the city felt the need to displace this great event in favour of the 2010 Winter Olympics.

But I’m NOT in favour of Champ Car going 100% towards “Concrete Canyon” (Street circuits) vs. permanent road courses, as Champ Car sees this as a quick fix towards solving attendance problems. Although I realize that a profit does need to be made, but if you “Build a great product, then Fans should come…”

And as David Phillips has recently “penned,” there’s much to be said for low key, medium attendance permanent road course facilities, as these tend to be sought out by the true enthusiasts! Of course part of the appeal of CART was its diversity of race venues.

So, while the Open Wheel community fights to find its true identity, perhaps RASSCAR’s rowdy Tag-Team behavior will actually wound the 800lb Gorilla? Then again isn’t Nextel Cup supposed to be a “Squeaky Clean” Family Affair. Perhaps, just perhaps some of the “Shine” will rub off of RASSCAR and Open Wheel racing will make a slight resurgence…

French train sets record

WOW!

This is amazing… As our beleaguered and falling apart rail system can only dream of such a thing. While we’re lucky enough to have the Talbot high speed trains running “Express” service from Seattle to Portland and Seattle to Vancouver, BC. These train trips aren’t exactly “Express! Well OK, they’re express compared to the traditional NEVER on-time “Normal” Amtrak service…

While our Talbot is allowed to hit top speeds of 79mph, the French TVG has just set a new speed record for trains. The specially prepared TVG hit a top velocity of 357mph (574kph) You can watch the video of this amazing run in the article: French Train sets new World Speed record

Yet, while the French are busy setting speed records, their Motorsport governing body is busy dismantling the “Ugly Duckling” French GP with plans to cancel the 2008 French Grand Prix at Magny Cours…

New Aston Martin owners on the Prowl?

Interestingly the majority shareholder of recently purchased Aston Martin from the Ford Motor Co, known as the consortium Dar is rumoured to be potentially eyeing other British business interests to snap up.

Apparently David Richards is merely the “front-man” for the new look Aston Martin company, since Dar owns a 50% controlling interest in the venture…

More Walkinshaw Magic

The former scourge of Formula 1, Tom Walkinshaw is once again at the center of another racing controversy. You may recall Walkinshaw’s bungled handlings of the now defunct Arrows F1 team.

Now comes word that Walkinshaw has apparently broken the rules in Australian V8 Supercars by supposedly owning two teams…

And although the Holden team has since been allowed to compete for the time being, there has been considerable grumbling due to the lack of support races this weekend in Melbourne. This included the lack of a V8 Supercar race for the first time in several years…

Danielle Steele’s trackside Romances

The timing of this announcement seems almost ideal as Anna Nicole Smith’s “tawdry” death still dominates headlines. RASSCAR is set to launch a series of seedy Romance novels set around the backdrop of its racing events.

MAC Montoya will fill the role of Latin Lover, while Jeffery “Pretty Boy” Gordon, Dale “Ironhead” Jr. and “Smoke” will drive all of the girls crazy as they fight over these hunks.

And of course there will be the mandatory “Cat Fights” along with countless scandals of trashy af