Kimi “N his Oomphlats chase Polar Bears in Sweden

This past weekend while Y’all were watchin’ Dat Humdinger of all Roundy-round races, affectionately known as the DayToner 647hrs, with DannaCar’s SpinCar World Tour continuously playing on Duh Nation’s News making machines, along with ‘Dem Pickem-Up Trucks playing a rousing chorus of Pinball Wizard…

Over yonder in the Arctic reaches of Europe, the Kimster, neee Kimi Räikkönen began his baptism under fire in the opening round of the 2010 World Rally championship. (WRC)

Yet interestingly, Kimi AIN’T the only Big Name (Gun) having been brought in to resuscitate some intrigue into the WRC, where Sebastian Loeb has WON the last 6 consecutive WRC Crown’s…

Thus, there’ll be a total of five past Arctic Rally winners on hand with Petter Solberg, Jari-Matti Latvala, Mikko Hirvonen and Marcus Gronholm, (who came out of retirement) not to mention Sebastian Loeb Who’s also won on the snow all chasing victory in the Nordic lands of Sweden, which like Vancouver, BC is hopeful of having adequate snowfall for its event, while both venues are expecting to remain free from Polar Bear sightings.

Yet the top rung of the WRC appears to be a two Bear affair, with one Factory backed “Works” Team apiece for Ford and Citroen, with the BP Ford Abu Dabi World Rally Team’s Mikko Hirvonen (No. 3) and teammate Jari-Matti Latvala (No. 4) vs. the Citroen Total World Rally Team of defending WRC Champion Sebastian Loeb (No. 1) and teammate Dani Sordo. (No. 2)

There’s also a quartet of entries being “Semi-Works” affairs, with the three Ford runners of Stobart M-Sport, Munchi's and the Monster World Rally Team vs. a lone Bear powered by Red Bull competing for Citroen’s “Junior” Team which features our hero The REAL Iceman.

On Thursday night at the Karlstad Trotting Park Super Special, Räikkönen took it cautious and was listed in ninth place when the real competition began on Friday. And according to his Co-Driver, everything was going fine until the windscreen misted up and The Iceman hit a Snowbank and impaled his Citroen C4 upon it… As some clever hack has scribbled a comical rant ‘bout mythical Polar Bears ‘N the exploits of The Kimster.

Swedish Rally: Red Bull leg one summary- Seeking Polar Bears?

And from the Monosyllabic Master of Understatement himself…

Kimi Raikkonen
"Everything was going fine until we put the car into the snow,"

"There were no spectators; only a helicopter filming us overhead. I would have much preferred it if he had decided to pull us out instead..."
(Source: motorsport.com)

Meanwhile at the front, Mika… NO! NOT that Mika, can you imagine another Finn being named Mika? (Otay I stretched that a bit, eh?) As it actually was Mikko Hirvonen as Ford’s leading driver who was locked in a major scrum for victory vs. his perennial arch rival Sebastian Loeb, albeit Hirvonen’s clever tyre strategy on Day 2 seemingly swung the victory towards the Finn, as Loeb elected to stay out on worn spikes while Hirvonen put on some fresh “Boots” and stretched his lead to 16 seconds at the end of the second day…

And although the battle wasn’t over, it was to be Hirvonen taking the victory ahead of Loeb with Latvala on the podiums final step, as now the WRC goes from the winter climes of Sweden to the warmth of Mexico for round 2 where Ken Block will make his 2010 debut aboard his Monster Ford Fiesta. Hmm? Fiesta ‘N Mexico… Oh Never Mind!

Double you’re Oomplats, Double your fun in Finland

We already know that the Kimster, nee Kimi Räikkönen has joined the World Rally Championship this year for Deeter Majestic’s Red Bull “Junior” Rally Team and will be piloting an Citroen C4 this year… thus, what to do with The Iceman’s old WRC ride; his FIAT Abarth Grande Punto S2000? Whale Finland’s MTV-3 (I want my MTV?) is reporting that Kimi has given the FIAT away to his older brother Rami in order for the Räikkönen Bros to compete in this years Arctic Lapland Rally in their Homeland later this month.

2007 F1 World Champion Kimi will race his Citroen C4 in preparation for his upcoming WRC campaign while Rami will race the Gran Punto, ironically the very car used in Kimi’s WRC debut in the very same event one year ago.

No word on whether or not the Flying Räikkönen Bros Plan on performing matching pirouettes in this year’s Arctic Lapland Rally…

DAKAR 2010: El Finale

It’s always funny to find out some sliver of information on the final day of a race outing, as I was surprised to hear Robby “Purple” Floyd utter that American Bike rider Jonah Street was from the sleepy little town of Yakima, Washington; Say What? So it was even funnier when I went to the Rally Pan Am website which noted that Jonah’s Hometown was Ellensburg, WA, which makes his efforts even more impressive as there AIN’T a whole lotta Desert in Ellensburg! (Which is known more for its Rodeo) And although I recall Jonah’s DAKAR exploits last year where he had to retire due to a wrist injury, I paid little attention to him since after all he was ridin’ a “Scooter.” Yet Jonah is a very accomplished rider having won the Baja 500 twice along with finishing runner-up twice in the grueling Baja 1000, as the Ellensburg rider finished a very respectable seventh overall on his Privateer KTM 690 in his fourth DAKAR. (Although I’m certain he’s somewhat disappointed with that finishing position, eh?)

Cyril Despres of France won his third DAKAR in the Bikes category by 62+ minutes over Norway’s Pal Anders Ullevalseter with Chile’s Francisco Lopez third; having won three stages aboard hisAprilia RXV 450, as it was the Italian make’s inaugural running in the DAKAR.

As Despres has now won in Africa twice (2005, 2007) along with this year’s Argentina-Chile Rally Raid, while Three-time winner Marc Coma (2004, 2006, 2009) was 15th after being caught changing a rear tyre illegally during a Stage and being given a 6hr Time penalty for this infraction.

And although the Organizer’s had hoped to favour the smaller 450cc’s Bikes by placing Air restrictors on the (KTM) 690cc Bikes, to which KTM protested by not Officially competing this year, nevertheless 8 of the first 12 places were taken by KTM 690’s, which will be banned outright next year with only 450cc Motorcycles participating.

Overall Bikes winning Time = 51:10:37

Meanwhile the hotly contested Car category became a battle of wills between el Matador and ‘Skeeter, as Volkswagen Motorsports Boss Chris Nissen was happy to let the Drivers compete for the overall glory without Team orders…

And although his lead was nibbled away in the closing stages, nevertheless former Two-time World Rally Champion Carlos Sainz won this year’s DAKAR over teammate Nasser Al-Attiyah by a very scant 2min 12 seconds behind Sainz with American Mark Miller finishing third overall (33mins adrift) giving the VW Race Touareg 2’s a clean sweep of the podium, as Volkswagen finished 1-2-3 in the Rally’s closest ever finish!

Overall Cars winning Time: 47:10:00
Distance/Stages: 9,000 Kilometers/5,536 miles; 14 Stages/15 Days
Times = (Hours/Minutes/Seconds)

Interestingly this year’s Car’s runner-up Al-Attiyah was an Qatari Olympic Skeet shooter, a la “The Wee Scot,” (JYS) nee sir Jackie Stewart.

While Robby “Dirtmann” Gordon was his usual brash self, having wowed the fans with his jumping anticts at the races start and then delighting the huge crowds in Buenos Aires with a slew of “Victory” Doughnuts after having crossed the line in seventh place in his Monster Hummer and finishing eighth overall… Yet, I’m not sure how much of a friend he made with El Matador? As on Stage 12, Sainz who was starting in P9 was anxious to pass the “slower” vehicles in front of him to catch the disappearing Al-Attiyah, since after Gordon had let the Spaniard pass him, Robby decided he was going too slow and gave Carlos his patented “BAJA BUMP!” BOOM! Hitting him squarely in the rear… BASH! ‘Ol PT AIN’T GOT NUTTIN ON MEESE…

Thus reportedly as Sainz was doing a live French TV interview where Gordon walked up and slapped him on the back, Sainz simply walked off into the distance without a further word said, while Gordon immediately made hay for a SCORE Off-road event after finishing the DAKAR. Hey uze ‘RASSCAR BOYZ, you’d better watch out since reportedly bump Drafting will be reinstated this season…

T minus Sixty

So if I’ve done my math correctly… Then today marks two months exactly until the ‘Big Boyz racing series kickoff their 2010 campaigns on March 14th, with Formula 1 commencing in the Desert Sands of Bahrain, while the Indy Cars samba their way thru the streets of Sao Paolo.

Formula 1
While Uncle Bernaughty is busy trying to wind-us-up with his comical short cuts to replace KERS talk in the Ski Chalets of Madonna di Campiglio, I’d hazard to guess that all of the F1 Constructors are in full tilt Thrash-mode, as I’d expect at least three of the New Teams: Campos Meta, USF1 and Virgin to miss the first test in Valencia, (Feb 1-3) with no word on Lotus’s plans. And we’re still awaiting the naming of 6 Driver confirmations. (Campos Meta, Renault, Sauber, Scuderia Toro Rosso, USF1)

IndyCar
With just 60 Days remaining, I certainly hope the Sao Paolo race course will be completed in time and we don’t have to put up with any track surface breakups. While Dale Coyne is set to run two cars, Townsend Bell has just been confirmed as the pilot of the No. 99 Sam Schmidt/Ganassi Indy 500 entry. Justin Wilson has been playing the BIG STORK role with “TAG & FAZZT having already gone testing in Homestead while we’re still waiting to see who’ll show up for the first test session of Barber and who’ll fill the remaining open cockpits.

Rally
While we await the World Rally Championship’s season opener on Valentine’s Day weekend, (Feb 12-14) the Swedish Rally’s Snowbanks should be the perfect place for the ‘Kimster ‘N Ken Block to Faceoff against Mr. WRC; Sebastian Loeb. Will it be Muskrat LUV or Siberian Snowbanks for Messer Raikkonen?

Meanwhile, the world’s most grueling Rally Raid is in the final stages of completion, where upon the beginning of the DAKAR’s Week-2, 147 of 362 entrants had fallen by the wayside, while El Matador holds a slim 4min lead Overall, with 64 Cars & 92 bikes remaining.

Sports Cars
With the just concluded Roar before the Rolex, we’re just a fortnight away from the Annual All Star Endurance kickoff, which will include a multitude of ex-Formula 1 Drivers, Past ‘N Present Indy Car Boyz and a few RASSCAR Ringers sprinkled in for good measure. You can watch it live on SPEED during the Pro Bowl weekend of Jan 30-31.

And I don’t know ‘bout Y’all, but I’m definitely NOT ready for the season start, as there’s simply too much scribblin’ to do!

If Versus was Smart…

They’d have already inked a deal to air “Canned” versions of this year’s upcoming World Rally Championship (WRC) and be pluggin’ the HELL outta it during its daily airings of DAKAR highlights… As this is the perfect opportunity for Versus to capture a portion of SPEED TV’s viewership, albeit a most likely small portion… But nevertheless, with the advent of the REAL Iceman, nee Kimi Räikkönen, Err the “Kimsters” arrival in the WRC, having taken his “Oomphlat’s” with him to go ‘N play in the Dirt while possibly waiting for Mark Webber’s F1 contract to expire… Now comes word that American Ken Block will make series history by becoming the very first American to ever contest an entire WRC season aboard a Factory-backed Ford Fiesta Rally Car.

Ken Block sees bright rally future with Ford

Block, who’s previously been some ‘KRAZY CAT named Travis Pastrana’s teammate in Rally America, albeit in the Subaru “Works” Team, has interestingly failed to dethrone 4-time consecutive Champion Pastrana and now will seek to defeat Travis, while also running a Ford Fiesta in the Rally America series this year…

Thus with a little smarts by the Ford Motor company, (can you say Greenbacks?) along with some savvy marketing ‘HYPE from Versus, who knows, they could run WRC in a 90min format a la SPEED and cultivate a “Cult” following to their ‘lil ‘Ol television channel… I mean its not exactly like they’ve gotta worry ‘bout the TV Ratings, eh? And just think of how this would keep all of uze deprived IndyCar fans attracted to their channel whilst awaiting the long winter break, eh?

Just a thought…

Doce Americanoes

Although it’s a bit off of the beaten path, eh? And I haven’t purused the All knowing google-MONSTER, nor Wicked-pedia, thus I’m not sure if its occurred before, but I’d haveda guess its pretty rare to have two American’s claim Back-to back Stage victories in the torturous DAKAR Rally; as Robby Gordon won Stage 4 in his Monster Hummer (his third career Dakar Stage victory), while Mark Miller scored his maiden Stage victory the following day during the grueling Stage 5 aboard his VW Touareg, while fellow teammate ‘el Matador, a.k.a. Carlos Sainz took point and now leads Overall in the Car category as of Stage 5.

And it was two days of Agony ‘N Ecstasy (cue the Wide World of Sports intro theme music here…) for de Motorcycles Italia, as sadly one Italian competitor was airlifted to a nearby Hospital with critical Head injuries after crashing during Stage 6 and has been placed into an induced coma… While on Stage 5, it was debutant Aprillia’s turn to claim glory, as the brand new ‘lil Thumper, a.k.a. 450cc V-Twin, claimed the day’s Stage victory, scoring Aprillia’s maiden victory in the DAKAR.

As interestingly, whomever this Toby Moody chap is, claimed how he normally follows the bikes on the MOTO GP trail, which Aprillia is synonymous with winning in the 125cc & 250cc classes and now is tackling the oppressive Desert landscape… So, will el Matador retain his lead today? Tune-in this afternoon…

Floyd hosting DAKAR

Wondering’ what Indycar Pit Reporter Robbie “Purple” Floyd (NO relation to Alex “Pink” Lloyd or some Boxing Dude Mayweather…) is doing during the Offseason? Whale I just discovered last night what he’s up to.

Thanxs to “Goose” who alerted me to the fact that Versus was indeed showing daily highlighted coverage of this years DAKAR Rally, I got to see Robby hosting the half hour show’s recap of Stage 3 action, where apparently you don’t wanna be the leader of the event… As it appears that versus’s daily coverage will air at 12:30PM PACIFIC. Thanxs Goose…

DAKAR 2010: Time to play in the Dirt!

Err, perhaps that should be Sand, eh? As the Nations of Argentina ‘N Chile ring in the New Year with the 32nd running of the DAKAR… The world’s most intense long haul Rally, when the 184 motorcycles and quads, 136 cars and 52 trucks competing will be on display on January 1st during the event’s special Presentation Stage in Buenos Aires; as the prestigious “Car” Category victor’s will most likely come down to a shoot-out between what appears to be the only two factory backed Rally Raid squads: Defending Champions Volkswagen vs. BMW, while Robby Gordon’s Monster Hummer could be a Darkhorse? (6th Overall after Stage 1)

And by my very unofficial count… Hey you try reading 128 entries, eh? The vaunted Car class is quite an eclectic mix, with a menagerie of Cars, Pickem-Up Trucks, Buggies and SUV’s both large ‘n small… Why “HE-Double L!” There’s even a Mercedes Benz something-ruther taking’ part.

Thus, by rough count there’s four Factory BMW X3cc’s vs. five Factory VW Touareg’s. A total of three Hummer H3’s from the Robby Gordon Motorsport stable, with the third being driven by a South of the Border pairing, as the Chillie sponsored Hummer was runnin’ a bit too HOT-HOT-HOT! With a late stage incident causing minor damage to the windshield & mirror and ending up 39th overall.

Then there’s five “Mister Bitchies” (Mitsubishi) Racing Lancer’s, (the ex-Factory Cars?) Three/Four Nissan Pick-up’s, Ten+ Buggies, 13/14 Toyota Land Cruisers, (Huh? I thought they were outta production?) two Subaru Forester’s, Four Toyota RAV 4’s (some in 4X2 mode) Four Toyota FJ Cruisers, an interesting Mitsubishi Pajero Flex-Fuel ‘rig (Rally Car vehicle) and in P128 and last on Day 2 during Stage 1 of 16 was the No. 419 of Rafael Norberto Sanchez & Cristian Fernando Lusardi in the lone Hyundai Santa Fe nearly seven and a half minutes (7:23:13) adrift of Stage 1 leader Joan "Nani" Roma’s BMW X3cc. (Who did his best Hero to Zero impersonation the following day when he rolled his ‘Bimmer!)

Day Two’s Runner-up featured “El Matador” (Carlos Sainz) in his trusty Touareg, while lurking in third place was the King of the Desert; Nine time Dakar winner Stephane Peterhansel, who’s been hired to give BMW its best shot at overall glory.

Yet sadly, a 28yr old female spectator was killed along with four others being injured at the 75 kilometer’s mark, when a racing vehicle slid off course and struck the spectators in an “Out-of-bounds” non-permitted viewing area, becoming the Rally’s first spectator casualty in four years.

Meanwhile the Pajero Flex-Fuel entry is the Rally’s very first vehicle in the newly devised Ethanol class, being heavily(?) backed/promoted by Brasilia’s Ethanol industry… With no reports to rumours du jour that the Pajero Rally Car will be the Official Pace Car of the upcoming inaugural Sao Paolo IndyCar race… Hey I’m just guessing here, but Apex Bra-zillia plus Sucar-beets ‘N stuff; Yuhs know?

But I don’t know if Versus will once again cater to our wishes of providing a 30mins nightly recap this year or not? Since I couldn’t find anything on their annoying website, along with never getting an answer to my inquiry; alas, if anyone knows the answer to this, please leave me a comment…

Happy Freakin’ New Year!

Talk ‘bout ringin’ in the New Year in style… All I can say is: Yo Travis! You’re ‘Juan SIC Puppie!

So in case you haven’t heard yet? Last night Stuntman extraordinaire Travis Pastrana became the latest Daredevil to ring in the New Year in another mind-bending stunt put on by Deeter Majestic’s ‘lil ‘Ol Drinks Company better known as Red Bull… As the plan was for Travis to smash the existing Rally Car jump record of 171 feet set in 2006 by Rally America Teammate Ken Block, as apparently somebody had just beat Pastrana to his original goal of being first to jump 300 feet with a jump of 304’.

But Travis’s jump would be even more impressive as he planned to jump his Subaru Rally Car off of the Pine Street Pier over 250 feet onto an anchored barge in Rainbow Harbour in Long Beach, CA at midnight, eastern (Right-coast) time to ring in the 2010 New years in style!

In case you’ve never heard of the 26yr old Maryland native Travis Pastrana, he first burst into the limelight 10yrs ago at the newly minted X-Games, where he was stripped of his Gold medal and prize money for celebrating his accomplishment by jumping his motorcycle into the San Francisco Bay at the tender age of 15!

Yet Pastrana is no stranger to injury, having suffered 50+ broken bones in his career along with 20 concussions, not to mention separating his spine and being in a coma for three days; as you name it, he’s probably broken it! Along with two back operations he’s had his left knee surgically repaired nine times and his right knee six; as apparently Travis is after Lee Majors fictional 6 Million Dollar Man role, eh?

But back to the stunt at hand, which was part of the never ending cadre of wicked stunts as part of the now yearly Red bull No Limits New Years Eve show, as Travis decided to do something unique after last year’s mondo “Scooter” jump by Robbie Maddison. (Which I still think is the ‘SIC-EST!)

Pastrana & Co. took a Subaru WRX Sti and modified it to Rally Car specs, with an uprated turbo giving the Flat-4 cylinder “Lump” 400bhp in order to give Travis the needed “OOMPH!” to launch the 3,000lb “Sube-ah-Roo” off the 15 degree angled ramp at a speed of 92mph from a standing start of 1,000 feet from Shoreline Drive…

Funny enough! I haven’t watched any Stunt person Hi-Jinx on le Telescreen since sitting thru an overly “Slick” 2hr show one decade ago when Robbie Knievel successfully jumped the Grand Canyon 228 feet way back on May 20, 1999, albeit losing control of the bike on landing and suffering a broken leg in the harrowing feat…

So, ESPN’s 1hr show was a bit more palatable, albeit I got really SICK of the “Stick ‘N Ball” references… As I kept feeling like they were trying to DUMB IT DOWN for all of ‘dem Sports Fans who DON’T watch any Motor Racing activities… Although it was good to see Jamie little once again; even if she was part of the let’s HYPE the SHEISA outta this routine.

But first a little more on Travis, who I’d ahveda say is “Certified!” As in simply insanely CRAZY! As Travis was the first person to successfully complete a double back flip on a motorcycle at the 2006 X-Games, has jumped a motorcycle into the Grand Canyon – before parachuting to a safe landing… And the piece de la Resistance. Drumrool please… Tuh-duh! Jumped outta a perfectly safe Aeroplane WITHOUT a Parachute in order to be plucked from the sky by a fellow Jumper, as part of his zany TV show Nitro Circus…

And finally the hour of the jump had come, as just prior to Midnight ET the Subaru was fired up, and it sounded NASTY! With a sweet ARSE bark, as Travis teased the approx. 20,000 spectators with a few warm-up runs before it was finally GO-TIME! As I really liked the added reminder in the cockpit: Turn Air ON! As Travis’s Rally Car was fitted with an oxygen tank in case he hit the water at 6-G’s and needed to be pulled out by Frogmen, he’d have a ten minute supply of breatheable air, while further safety considerations included the deletion of his Rally America Navigator, with 120lbs of lead ballast inserted into the right-hand seat instead.

And then he was off! And TANK GAWD the Announcers SHUT-UP and let us just listen to that NASTY sounding Subaru accelerate down the pier and fly into the sky some 220+ feet before landing on a “Slick as Snot” ice rink of a landing ramp on the awaiting 240 foot Barge, as the night’s air dew had moistened the 40 foot wide landing ramp in the awaiting darkness… Before Travis pitched the WRX Sti sideways for an impact with the catch fence safety wall designed to arrest the hurtling Rally Car! As Pastrana triumphantly extricated himself from the vehicle, walked to the end of the ramp and did a back flip into the harbor… After having just unofficially jumped 274 feet which was shortly recognized as an official new record distance of 269 feet, besting the previous record by 98 feet!

So I guess it really does give you wings, eh?

So while the Mainstream media continues to Ballyhoo the SHEISA outta Jimmy Johnson’s 4-Peat in RASSCARLAND… And the Speed Freaks Stat Mann Caruthers picked Tanner “DRIFT-THIS” Foust as his Freak ‘O duh Year! I’m giving the nod to ‘TA (Travis Pastrana), also known as the “Wonder Kid” who NOT only has won four consecutive Rally America Titles, but jumped a ‘Freakin Sube-ah-Roo 269 feet OVER water in the pitch dark… So take ‘dat Jimmy!

SIC, TOTALLY SIC!

Rally-who?

So I’m guessing; HA-HA? That part of the Speed Freaks segment Sunday night with ESPN’s Terry Blount; Who simply snorted that NOBODY in America knows who Sebastian Loeb (or WRC) is… Was in part an attempt to wind-up the listening audience? As I have to admit it immediately got my goat… As I’m becoming quite tired of all of the glowing praises being given to “the Sarge,” NO! NOT Kenny Sergeant, but the other Sergeant who’s got a disgusting sponsorship deal with a branch of the Armed Services… As I will ALWAYS feel that there are two organizations whom should NOT be allowed to sponsor Motorsports, i.e.; Military and Religion! But I digress… As Terry Blount was aware of whom Travis Pestrona was… Yeah, he’s the current Rally America Champion, Bubbah!

And I guess I’m in the minority as I actually found the WRC races to be dare I say it? More exciting then F1 when they were time delayed broadcast upon SPEED. And I hazard a guess that they’d be watched next year with the Kimster’s arrival, eh?

But back to the Freeks broadcast, as the ‘Blountster was on the show to debate his yearly Top 10 Motorsport Driver’s choices, of which yielded four RASSCAR names, three Formula 1 drivers, two IndyCar Piloto’s and a lone ‘Straightliner choice.

Ranking the world's best 10 drivers

But Kudos to Statt Man Caruthers for bringing up Sebastian Loeb’s name, who after all is the MOST Dominant World Rally Championship Driver of ALL time, having just claimed his sixth consecutive WRC crown! And good job Terry, as the more I ponder it? The more I find it would be hard to come up with 10 drivers who’d make everyone happy, although I’d have to give ‘ZEBB (Sebastian Vettel) the nod over Webber, Mate! NOT to mention where’s The Doctor, eh?

2010 DAKAR Entries set Sail

On December 1st, the Grande Brasile set out upon its four week Ocean voyage across the Atlantic, carrying the precious cargo of the European Rally Teams taking part in the upcoming 2010 DAKAR Rally; being contested in Argentina and Chile for the second consecutive year, running from January 2-16, 2010; look for Robby “Dirtman” Gordon and his Monster Hummer to be giving the VW Touareg’s a run for their money…

Volkswagen Team ships to south America

Japan says Sayonara to Motorsports

As Y’all know, most likely from your Primary Schooling, today is “A Day of Infamy.” As countless reports tell us how the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbour at 7:55AM Sunday morning, some 68 years ago…

Recently I received some flak for calling BMW AG’s decision to hastily withdraw from Formula 1 a Knee-jerk reaction, in lieu of our current economic climate… To which was some light weight 40mm AA Flak and I managed to avoid the ensuing shrapnel, but I digress…

As we’ve already learned, we’ve now had a total of three Auto manufacturers pull out of Formula 1 in the past twelve months, while Renault’s future is somewhat cloudy.

And as we all know, it was Honda who set the dominoes falling, as they simply couldn’t stomach being such a back marker anymore, while BMW suddenly decided to Quit after having one bad season, before Toyota decided it was also time to “Punt” as the red ink steadily flowed from Toyota’s books…

Having indeed decided to withdraw from Formula 1, they’ve (Toyota) just laid off a massive 500 employees from the Team’s Cologne HQ, leaving a staff of 150 for other various projects; perhaps an Hybrid “Sin-ergy” attack upon Du Circuit de la Sarthe?

Not to mention Japanese Rubber Giant Bridgestone withdrawing from Formula 1 at the end of the 2010 season, while Japanese Auto manufactures Mitsubishi, Subaru and Suzuki all walked away from the World of Rallying at the beginning of this year.

Yet my claim to BMW’s Knee-jerk reaction was made over the fact that BMW AG’s Board of Directors saw the perfect opportunity to cut costs on a suddenly losing proposition, since they’re still heavily advertising on Television, sponsoring Non-racing Sporting events and planning to compete in GT & WTCC Championships next year, along with the continuation of their Formula BMW Series…

While all of the above Japanese manufacturers with the exception of Mitsubishi also decided to “Save Face” by cancelling their poorly performing Motorsports activities under the guise of financial difficulties…

As let’s examine the following: Honda didn’t have a sponsor for two dreadful seasons under their “Planet earth” scheme, as they had a grand total of one victory during their third “Official” foray into Formula One. (BAR-Honda 2000-05; Honda F1 2006-08) Even being outperformed by the supposed “B” Team of “Super Best Friends,” (Super Aguri) not to mention their two race Ban for running illegal fuel tanks at the San Marino GP in 2005.

Meanwhile Toyota, who’s NEVER won a Grand Prix during its eight seasons in F1, was reputedly spending $500+ million per season, and having suffered the first ever Operating loss in the Companies 71yr history, upon reporting a $2.5 Billion loss in the winter of 2008, followed up by more losses, it decided the potential $150 million fine from failing to show-up for the 2010 Formula One season was far less expensive; (even including the 500 employees severance packages…) i.e.; ten times less then the projected budget to fulfill its Concorde obligations thru 2012. Yet notice how they’re still in RASSCAR, eh? ) Where they continue winning… As recall how Toyota bolted from the Indy Racing League after getting their ARSES kicked by rival Japanese auto manufacturer Honda)

And both Subaru and (especially) Suzuki have been getting their ARSES kicked in the World Rally Championship (WRC) by Sebastian Loeb in his Citroen for the past six seasons, while I’m guessing “Mr. Bitchy” (Mitsubishi) simply decided it was better to walk away from the DAKAR after multiple wins and facing increased pressure from Volkswagen, a la Audi who quit racing in the American Le Mans Series as there simply wasn’t any competition for them to compete against.

So, while yes, the Economy is at its WORST since the Great Depression, possibly worse since it’s a Global dilemma, I still suggest that these manufacturers simply walked away from the table in order to Save Face while trying to improve their bottom line, as after all, one of the first things cut during a Recession is Entertainment, which ultimately Motorsports is…

Another Racing Team Bites the Dust

Watch out for ‘dem Trees Kimi!

Insert Tarzan theme music here…

Otay, I found much amusement in the title above, which Joe Saward mused about today, as its now official; Kimi Räikkönen has been confirmed at Citroen’s “Junior” Rally Team for the 2010 WRC season, in which appears to be the final season of the “REAL WRC!” As sadly, the World Rally Championship will regress to its lower Formulae Super (“Dooper?”) 2000 specs as its top flight Rally category beginning in 2011; CRIKEYS!

And it’s a shame that the WRC is no longer aired on SPEED, as I for one will be most intrigued to see how the “Monotone Man” prevails in his Rookie campaign, while there was NO word on whether or not the Finn showed up in his Monkey costume for the Press Release…

It’s Official: Raikkonen to WRC in 2010

So watch out for that tree, Kimi!

Kimi’s WRC World Tour set to commence in 2010

“Yumpin’ Yuh-hosa-fat!”

As I tells Yuh! Its rough sleddin’ tryin’ tooze BEATS duh ‘DAWG (Pressdog) to the ‘lectric scribblin-pad in order to break any news upon the Kimster and his “Oomplats!” (Especially since he’s got a 3hr ‘Yump on Mwah!) As word comes that Messer Räikkönen is reportedly very close to signing a deal to contest the full 2010 World Rally Championship season for Citroen, presumably backed by personal sponsor Red Bull, who are also major sponsors of the Citroen Total World Rally Team …

Raikkonen to race for Citroen in WRC next year?

And speculation still suggests that Räikkönen is simply taking a one year Sabbatical from the pinnacle ‘O Motorsport, (Formula 1) so could Kimi potentially take over Aussie Mark Webber’s seat in 2011 in order to prepare for “ZEBB’s (Vettel’s) departure to Mercedes Grand Prix in 2012?

Hmm? May be that Stuff really does give uze Wings, eh?

2009 ROC Recap

Whale this year’s ROC, the REAL Race Of Champions… NOT to be cornfuzed with that dually departed abomination of Pontiacs goin’ round ‘N round in some Adult Spirits series… (IROC) Has just been completed, having taken place in Beijing, China on November 3-4.

And with this year’s event having been moved forward one month and clashing with something called The Chase, Team USA dug deep into its bag of available Personalities, settling upon a pair of largely unknown Rally and Drifting Champions… As with NO disrespect to either Travis Pastrana or Tanner Foust, I think Double Formula D (“DUH!”) Champion Foust was OUT of his league…

As this year’s entrants consisted of no less then several top caliber names like: Jenson Button, Mattias Ekstrom, Marcus Gronholm, Mik0 Hirvonen, Tom Kristensen, Michael Schumacher and Sebastian Vettel, to name a few.

2009 ROC Preview

And this year’s event in Beijing’s Bird’s Nest Stadium, site of the 2008 Summer Olympics, having moved from the previous two events at London’s Wembley Stadium in December also saw a change to the event’s format with Drivers and Nations now competing in Groups before progressing to the Semi-Finals.

The Nation’s Cup which began the two day event on Tuesday, saw a grouping of four and two groups of three compete against each other, with Team USA competing against France and Scandinavia. As Team USA made it into the round of four: China, Germany, Great Britain, and USA.

surprisingly Tanner Foust defeated the TERMINATOR (Schumacher) in round One before Michael’s teammate ‘ZEBB (Vettel) won the next round against Travis Pastrana in Rally Cars to see Vettel then defeat Foust in Heat 3 in ROC Buggies.

‘Zebb’s win enabled the Defending Nation’s Cup Champion (Team Germany) to advance to the Finals vs. Team Autosport GB, consisting of World Champion elect ‘JENSE (Button) and 3-time (WTCC) World Touring Car champion) Andy Priaulx, who’d defeated Team China. Team Germany then went onto defeat Team Autosport GB 2-1 and claimed its third Nation’s Cup title.

Team Germany wins Nation’s Cup

The following day (Wednesday) saw the similar first round groups format, where 2-time Deutsche Tourenwagen Masters (DTM) Champion Mattias Ekstrom defeated all three first round competitors including Pastrana; while Foust lost to button in his first round grouping, as Ekstrom would cruise all the way thru to the Finals.

The other side of the ladder saw the TERMINATOR similarly working over his competition, starting off by defeating old F1 rival David Coulthard and also basically cruising thru his heats, as Schuey would face his protégé, the young Wunderkin Vettel in the Semi-Finals, but ‘ZEBB crashed and thus Schumacher would once again square off against Ekstrom in the Finals, of which the “Swede” (Mattias) easily won, by taking the first two of three heats.

Mattias Ekstrom:
"This is a very special day for me," the 31-year-old Swede smiled. "I was not particularly fortunate this year in the DTM. To end the season with a victory against Michael Schumacher is fantastic!"

Ekstrom is Champion of champions again

Another Racing Team bites the dust

And the hits just keep on coming... When many of you are up in a lather over the reported installation of Milka-duh-licious at N/H/L... Word comes that a fifth Auto Manufacturer has decided to pull the plug upon its Motorsports activities, with word that Mitsubishi will cease all cross country Rallying competition, most notably the Dakar Rally...

Thus by my counts(?) that now makes four Japanese giants plus one European concern to leave the Motorsports arena: Audi, Honda, Mitsubishi, Subaru and Suzuki... Ok, so that last one ain’t too painful to swallow and technically Audi will still show up sporadically, while Honda is still hopeful of spinning off its F1 concern to somebody willing to pay the bills...

So at least we’ve still got an Open Wheel Racing series to critique, eh?

The Dakar returns

After being cancelled in 2008 due to fears of potential terrorists, the world’s most daunting rally event returns, albeit on a different continent, having moved from Africa to South America.

Having completed their scrutineering checks, the 710 European racing and support vehicles, (approx.) along with Administrative and Media vehicles were prepared to see a massive 820 vehicle armada loaded upon the 'Grande Benelux,' in the Le Havre harbour, on December 1st, in preparations to sail to Zarate, the Argentinean capital, where the remaining competition vehicles will ultimately undergo final scrutineering between December 31 – January 1.

The rally will start and end in Buenos Aires and includes Robby Gordon once again competing under his Team Dakar USA banner aboard his trusty Hummer, soon to possibly be a collector’s item?

And I hope that Robby Gordoun does better then his website... As I was gonna throw in the link to Team Dakar USA, but after twice being serenaded by Safari theme music I had multiple script errors which locked up my confuzer screen, so I gave up!

While the Volkswagen “Works” team armada will flex its muscles as it tries to finally be victorious in this most demanding event, which will see competitors racing from the scorching heat of the South American summer to the frigid heights of the Andes Mountains twice, while trying to unseat the reigning Mitsubishi stalwarts. But don’t expect any TV coverage of the Dakar, which will rampage thru Argentina and Chile January 3-18 stateside, as SPEED is too busy airing mega bloc’s “O Pinks, Unique Whipes and Hot Import Nights...

Dakar Stage 1 report

Flying Finns

Aha, “Betcha” thought this catchy title referred to another story about the “Ronster’s” (Ron Dennis) penchant for hiring Finnish drivers, “Ya, Sure, Yuh Betcha!” Which used to be part of Redhook Ales Ballard Bitter’s slogan, but I digress…

While most of us are either busy watchin’ all of the new paint dry in Day-toner testin’ or the upcoming Rolex 24 marathon. The BP Ford WRC Rally team has previously announced its new for 2008 driver line-up, with ex-WRC champion Marcus Gronholm having retired at the end of 2007.

The BP Ford team began its all Finnish driver line-up in 2006 with the addition of Mikko Hirvonen as Gronholm’s teammate. Now Hirvonen will be joined by another aspiring Finnish flyer, Jari-Matti Latvala.

Ford hopes that Hirvonen, who had a rough beginning in the World Rally Championship (2003) has matured into a challenger to defeat four time reigning WRC champion Sebastian Loeb. Hirvonen, won three WRC events enroute to finishing third overall in the 2007 challenge, helping Ford secure the Manufacturer’s crown.

And although you’ll be unlikely to see any of these amazing race cars on the “Tellie,” nevertheless the 2008 World Rally Championship season begins with the Monte Carlo Rally on January 25-27…

For a pre-season preview, see; 2008 WRC Preview

2008 Dakar CANCELLED!

It was with astonishment that the very first story I encountered this afternoon upon deciding to check “Ze Welt von Motorsports” and see if anything was occurring, that the headlines read; This year’s Dakar Rally has been cancelled.
(But I’m NOT surprised that I lost the whole FRILLIN’ story I just finished writing upon making fun of le internets. Thanks micro-SOFT!)

The event’s very first ever cancellation is due to the recent Terrorist attack upon five French tourists on December 24th. While visiting Mauritania four were killed and the fifth seriously injured while picnicking along the main road near the Senegal border.

The Amaury Sports Organisation, (ASO) promoters of the Dakar Rally said that they’d received direct threats from Terrorist organizations towards this year’s event and the rally was cancelled to ensure the safety of all competitors, support personnel, journalists and civilians along the event’s route.

Although stages of the event have been cancelled previously due to perceived threats, this is the first ever cancellation of the event which has run consecutively since 1979. The ASO assures us that the Dakar Rally will indeed resume in 2009, yet most likely the unsafe regions of Mauritania will be dropped from the new route…

2008 Dakar

Once again the engines are about to roar to life, albeit Far, Far, Far Away in a distant galaxy, known as Africa. As it’s time once again for the most grueling race in the World, the Dakar Rally. This year’s Rally begins on January 5th in Lisbon, Portugal and finishes on January 20th in Dakar, Senegal. The 15 stage race has been extended a further 1,000+ kilometers (621 miles) this year to add further torment to the competitors, with an overall distanced of 9,273 km. (5,762 miles).

Once again, Robby “Dirt Mann Gordoun” will spearhead Team Dakar USA’s challenge with his “Monster” Hummer H3, his third consecutive effort to tame the sands of Mauritania. This year Ron Bailey has joined forces with Gordon to form a two vehicle Monster Hummer effort.

Yet Gordon, Bailey and Team Dakar USA will face an uphill battle to become America’s first ever winner’s of Dakar, racing against mostly European based teams.

These “Across the Pond” contender’s will have the luxury of extra time to prepare, while Gordon’s entourage needed to depart a month prior to the start. Team Dakar USA left Gordon’s shops in California to transport the support vehicles, loaded with all the spare parts and equipment, as the massive amount of “Heavy Metal” was trucked across the country to Savannah, GA where it met an awaiting freighter, which then departed for Lisbon.


As usual, it appears that the top two contenders for overall honours will be the Factory backed squads from Mitsubishi and Volkswagen., Defending Dakar winner “Mister-Bitchy” returns with four Pajero Montero Evolution MPR13s, while VW will have a quartet of Touareg 2 TDI’s attempting to win the event overall.

Mitsubishi will have defending winner Stephane Peterhansel as their lead driver, as France’s Peterhansel is always a threat for the overall victory. He first won the event in 1991 on a Yamaha motorcycle, eventually claiming six overall victories in the two wheel category. Peterhansel has since then won a further three Dakar’s aboard Mitsubishi Pajero’s (2004-05, 07) for a total of nine Dakar titles.

Volkswagen will see ex-WRC Champion Carlos Sainz leading their charge, with Mark Miller and Ralph Pitchford (USA/South Africa) as part of the VW line-up.

There will be 31 “Roses of the Sands” contesting this year’s event, thus seeing the Dakar’s largest number ever of Female contestants in the rally’s 30 year history. Even more impressive will be the four competing in the two wheel category.

And what do retired Formula 1 driver’s do for fun? Well, just ask Jordan Grand Prix refugee Tiago Monteiro, who’ll be making his Dakar Rally debut this year, in a single seater buggy-no less!

Tiago Monteiro:
"It's an ultra marathon. It's Yvan Muller's fault, he never stopped talking to me about it the whole year, and he convinced me to take part."

Of course you’ll be unable to see any “Live” television coverage of this event, or even worse, any TV coverage at all! As SPEED is still busy blastin’ us with hours of USELESS Programming. Can you say PINKS??? Of course, if we’re lucky and Nicole Manske isn’t busy changing hair colours, perhaps she’ll give us a two minute recap on The Speed Report. Otherwise, you’ll have to scour the internets for any worthwhile information of daily race progress.

Isn’t it funny how the “CAR” class is mostly contested by SUV’s and Pick-em Up truchs!

2008 Dakar Entry List

“IRV” gets to Swerve

Eddie Irvine, better known as “IRV the SWERVE, will get another opportunity to aptly demonstrate his sideways slewing skills that earned him the nickname “IRV the SWERVE.”

Irvine will take to the wheel of a Deeter Majestic (Red Bull) VW Touareg in his native country, as part of the prelude to Rally Ireland. As this top cross country rallying team will perform in the Super Special stage kicking off the WRC event in Stormont, Belfast.

The crowds will be cheering for IRV as the Super Special stage signifies the inaugural round of the World Rally Championship to compete in Ireland. This stage will see the top rally drivers compete head to head around Parliament Buildings' grounds and a flying finish over the specially designed Creagh Bridge.

The Red Bull VW Touareg, normally piloted by ex- WRC Superstar Carlos Sainz, whom recently won the World driver's title will instead feature Irvine, most notably known as Michael Schumacher’s wingman at Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro, in hopes to elicit spectators for the event.

Sainz, one of the World Rally Championship’s most successful drivers, claiming two WRC Drivers titles in 1990 and 1992 in a Toyota Celica, has just captured the title in this year’s FIA Cross-Country Rally World Cup. As Sainz, now a VW Factory driver won the UAE Desert Challenge. The victory marked the Touareg’s twentieth win as Volkswagen now sets its sights on the 2008 Dakar Rally…

Bah-Jah

In case you were wondering how the “Dirt Mann” (Robby Gordon) did in his Team Hummer USA during this year’s Paris Dakar rally… Gordon finished 8th Overall, which is very impressive for a non “Works” (Factory-Backed) team.

Meanwhile while I was writing about Rich Conklin’s commentary on Mario Andretti, I came across another of his stories about the one hour documentary I’d recently watched on the Speed channel: Two Roads to Glory. This was a special about two different team’s paths towards competing in the grueling Baja 1000 in street legal Toyota FJ Cruisers… Whatever those are?

Humming thru Africa

After a slow start the Team Dakar USA entry has begun picking up its pace. As the announcer on The Speed Report retorted “C’mon, how can that Hummer get Stuck in the Mud?”

In case you were unaware, for the second year in a row (3rd Overall) Robby Gordon is contesting the Paris-Dakar rally in a Hummer.

This year Gordon’s black Hummer H3 got off to a rocky start when he got stuck in some mud on Stage 1 while avoiding some of the massive throngs of spectators in Portugal…

After falling down the order to a 71st starting position for Stage 5, Gordon mashed the “GO-Pedal,” humming his way into a 15th place finish while raising the ire and praise of fellow competitors…

Gordon was reprimanded for pushing opposing racer’s out of the way while utilizing his typical “RASSCAR” driving style… (“Rubbin is Racin”) Apparently with the Hummer painted black, Gordon must have felt a bit like ‘ol “Iron-Head…” (Dale Earnhart Sr.)

Gordon noted that in the Baja that’s how you get it done... (Passing slower vehicles) Yet The Dakar is a bit more civilized, even going so far as utilizing in-car warning devices…

On Stage 6, the constantly changing landscape saw the day’s route take the competitors onto the vast sand dunes. And Gordon’s black bandit hammered across the dunes in record time as Gordon claimed the Stage win…

Today Gordon made certain to give everybody wide berths while overtaking slower vehicles “legally.” Gordon commented that he’d even backed off towards the end as he became concerned over his dwindling petrol supply in the Hummer’s fast emptying tanks…

The stage victory was the very first for Hummer and Gordon’s third overall. Gordon claimed his first two stage victories when competing for Volkswagen in 2005… (Gordon’s Paris-Dakar debut)

Starting first on Stage 7 the inclement weather played major havoc with all competitors as the organizers shortened the route due to swirling wind conditions causing severe sand storms…

Gordon got lost temporarily before encountering soft sand. Gordon then reduced the Hummer’s tire pressures down to 10lbs as the black monster H3 continued bogging down in 2nd gear…

Gordon finished the stage in 13th place nearly 6 minutes off the winner’s pace and has slowly crept his way towards the top 10, now residing in 16th place overall after several days of fuel issues. After the team tore the complete system apart they discovered it was simply a case of bad fuel…

Paris-Dakar Rally

Although you would be hard pressed to even know that this truly remarkable event is about to take place, the Paris-Dakar Rally is set to begin the 29th running of the epic event tomorrow…

Unfortunately all the Speed Channel can dribble on about is “RASSCAR,” the Barrett-Jackson auction, “Pinks,” Unique Whips and other non-worthy television programming…

Truly exemplifying the meaning of Extreme sports, The Dakar makes the X-Games look like child’s play…

To me the Paris-Dakar Rally is the Ironman of all motorsports... The challenging marathon tests the limits of fellow competitor’s driving skills, navigational abilities and mechanical reliability over a 15 day span…

Not only do the competitor’s encounter the physical demands of competing and just trying to survive the event, they’re subjected to a vast range of brutal terrain, constantly changing climate conditions as well as possible brushes with gun toting bandito’s…

The United States most noticeable competitor will be “RASSCAR’s” Robby Gordon, once again competing in a Hummer. Gordon previously became the first American to win multiple rally stages of The Dakar behind the wheel of a VW. Gordon enters this year’s event fresh off his win in the Baja 1000...

It will also be interesting to see how Dakar Rally debutants Peterson/White Lightning do…