Briscoe lands Penske seat

With the recent announcement of Sam Hornish Jr. joining the swelling ranks of Open Wheelers defecting to RASSCAR. Penske has announced that Ryan Briscoe will indeed take over Hornish’s vacated Indy Car seat for 2008.

Briscoe originally cut his teeth in karting, before moving up to European single seaters. In 2002, Briscoe was hired as a Toyota F1 test driver and became the Friday third driver when Ricardo Zonta replaced Cristiano da Matta.

While rumoured to be in line for a Jordan Grand Prix drive for 2005, Briscoe joined Chip Ganassi’s IRL team instead. And struggling to come to grips with Oval tracks had a horrific crash at Chicagoland on September 11th, breaking both clavicles amongst other injuries.

With Briscoe’s ’05 season effectively over, along with Dan Wheldon becoming available for 2006. Briscoe was expendable, as Ganassi hired the reigning Indy Car champion from Andretti Green Racing.

Thus Briscoe spent the year seeking rides and returned to the Grand American series with Wayne Taylor Racing, along with four races for Dreyer & Reinbold. Briscoe scored a third place finish at Watkins Glen before filling in for the injured da Matta in the final two Champ Car races.

This year, Briscoe became a full time Penske American Le Mans Porsche Spyder pilot, finishing second in the LMP2 category with three wins and two poles. And it seemed obvious that Briscoe was being groomed for Hornish’s seat when he raced for Luczo Dragon Racing at Indy this May. As the team was effectively a Penske satellite operation, campaigning leased Penske equipment for team co-owner Jay Penske, with Briscoe qualifying seventh and finishing fifth…

Profit sharing at Indy?

Talk about your ironies. I mean Tony George and profit sharing? Talk about your shades ‘O CART… As I seem to recall that the Chris Pook era of CART burned thru a $100 million bank account with a similar profit sharing arrangement created to entice team owners sticking with the faltering Open Wheel series pre-bankruptcy. Thus I find the Indy Car plan a bit ironic, for further details see Indy Car Revenue Sharing Plan.

Seeing Stars?

And while Buddy Rice was busy wingin’ his way back from Silverstone. It was confirmed that fellow IRL rival Helio Castroneves will be trading in his racing boots for ballerina slippers upon the Indy Car season finale. As Helio will partner last years winner to participate in the upcoming Dancing with the Stars spectale broadcasted on the premiere “Dizzy Wurld Shopping Networks. (ABC)

When long time friend (?) and arch nemesis Tony Kanaan was told of his fellow Brazilian’s decision to join such luminaries as Wayne Newton and Mark Kuban… TK said he’d probably tell “Spider Man” Let’s Dance!

What Teamate?

After watching the Turkish GP yesterday morning, I umm? Eagerly, nope that’s not it… Any Hoo, awaited the Indy Car race at Sonoma, CA. Having been to the track twice before, I really think it’s a great natural terrain road course. Although apparently like Portland, the drivers tend to claim it’s a one lane track. Nevertheless, it too like Istanbul has substantial elevation changes. Albeit Istanbul is only three years old…

So I sat down to see if Dario “Half Gainer” Franchitti could change his wing walkin’ ways… As the Flying Scotsman was on pole for the days race with the Princess sittin’ shotgun. While Tony Kanaan lined up third, with Dario’s championship nemesis Scott Dixon in P5.

And I don’t want to say that the majority of the race was boring… But I found myself nodding off and missing the most controversial portion of the race. When Mikey sent his boy Marco chargin’ outta the pits and knocking off portions of race leader Franchittis front wing end plate… Who says that McLaren is the only team with intra-squad scrums, eh?

Yet I’m still baffled by how the Andretti Green Racing team could let this happen? Since Marco clearly has NO shot at this season’s Indy Car title…

Yet Dixon was quite delighted by the contretemps. As the elated Kiwi swooped past the injured Franchitti and took over the lead with a baker’s dozen laps remaining. Along with Helio Castroneves squeezing past for second place.

With teammate and good friend Kanaan taking pity upon the wounded Scot, TK dutifully played the role of wingman. As Dario and Kanaan finished third and fourth respectively.

With all of the AGR shenanigans. Dario who’d led most race laps saw his 8 point title lead flip flop to minus 4 points, as Dixon now takes over the Championship points lead with two races remaining. Meanwhile the youngster Marco finished sidelined in the grass and refused television interview requests.

So what’s a non-IRL guy to do? Since I’d really like to see Dario capture the Indy Car crown… Although I’d prefer for AGR to NOT win the Championship since its Mikey’s team.

While I’d also be happy with Scott Dixon winning (again) since he’s an ex-Pacwest Racing driver… Which was once upon a time our local CART race team… So I’ll be happy with either Franchitti or Dixon since both are ex-CART drivers…

Next up, the revamped Belle Isle, courtesy of “The Captain,” Roger Penske…

The Flying Franchitti

Talk about having double vision… As I’m sure that Dario “REO Speedwagon” Franchitti certainly isn’t singin’ the ‘ol Juicyfruit ad; “Double your pleasure, Double your FUN!”

Although I didn’t watch the Michigan race. Well HELL! I suppose nobody did after Danny B had me in hysterics over the Herculean troubles he went thru trying to find the flippin broadcast. You see there was a FIVE hour rain delay…

Is it on ESPN? NO it’ll be back on in an hour on ESPN2… Err; it’s still raining so we’ll put it on ESPN Classic… WHAT? Who in the HELL has ESPN Classic??? Isn’t that for vintage archival footage? Hey I know, I’ll watch it on the internets… No they’ve got really SHITY resolution… So I’ll just listen to the friggin’ race via Indycar. com… Do you feel the PAIN yet? (“I Am Indy?)

Anyhow, I found the following video clip of this frightening accident. Check it out if you want to see Dario Franchitti Flips. (Flip No. 1!)

Although I had planned on NOT watching any further IRL Oval Track races this year… And I’m sure Danny B. was having a fairly miserable day sweltering in the Kentucky heat, having signed up to work the Sparta, KY event.

Yet after riding around Indy at 170+ mph, I’ve gained a whole new respect for this type of racing. And I promised myself I wouldn’t make fun anymore of these amazing Indy Car drivers…

BUT!!! How can I refrain after another made for TV “Drama-fest” courtesy of “Princess” (Danica Patrick) as I found myself hitting the mute button once again during her interview during the race. But I digress…

As I found the opening segments interview with Dario to be hilarious, upon being asked to show off his bruised nose from his Michigan high wire act. While showing off his “Schnoz.” Franchitti quipped” I got the bruise because I have a large nose, but NO-Where as big as TK’s! (Teammate Tony Kanaan)

And the race seemed fairly mundane thru the firs 3/4ths
With the exception of Sam Hornish Jr. loosing control upon hitting Franchitti’s dirty air. And to think Danny had told me to try sticking my hand up while racing ‘round Indy…

Then all hell broke loose as first Franchitti drifted high, dropping back to 8th. Then trying to make up for his mistake, he hit the traffic cone denoting the pit lane speed blend line while trying to overtake teammate Danica. This resulted in Dario needing to have a new nose fitted. (To his car…) But while all of this was happening, Danica looped it exiting the pits on old rubber. Having taken fuel only during her pit stop… Then having severely flat spotted her tires, KABOOM! The right rear let go, causing Danica to go spinning into the wall after nearly hitting the safety vehicle…

But wait, it gets better? With the race completed Kosuke Matsuuralike all drivers ahead of him lifted off the throttle. But Dario didn’t realize it was the chequered flag and rammed into the hapless Matsuura. And wallah, Franchitti went flipping down the race track. Landing upside down for the second weekend in a row…

As the onboard camera shows, Dario shifted up a gear as if getting ready to pass Kosuke before hitting his rear wheel and launching himself skywards! With the camera showing blue sky before turning into static…

Talk ‘bout tryin’ to rack up your frequent flyer miles, eh? And to think that Franchitti had flown Kanaan into the racetrack aboard his helicopter…

Yet with four races left, Dario now holds a slim 8 point lead over Scott Dixon.

Simmons gets the Ax

Apparently the “Ethanol Kid” wasn’t passing muster at Rahal/Letterman Racing. As Jeff Simmons has been given his walking papers, being replaced by ex-CART driver Ryan Hunter-Reay. Fittingly Hunter-Reay apparently made his return to Open Wheel racing at Mid-Ohio’s road course which should have enabled a good start for the ex-CART winner a chance to knock off the rust after returning from the hinterlands of Grand Am…

Perhaps Tony really should hire Hornish Sr.

Otay, I’ll admit that I missed out on the fisticuffs as I was somewhere in the high desert plains of Terry, Montana. Hey they got cactus there…

So I didn’t get to see the lowlights, err… Highlights ‘O Hornish Sr. doing his best Lou Ferigno Incredible Hulk impersonation at Watkins Glen. Yet from the sounds of the newswire. Hornish Sr. doesn’t hold a candle to “Sugar Ray” Tracy…

Then again as Danny B so profoundly pointed out, this is exactly what the IRL could use while in search of a more mainstream pitchman than Geme “I AM INDY” Simmons. Aw shucks! What NO Princess in the shoving match?

You can see all of the chest thumping action via the U-Tube video link Danny B has provided me. See: Hornish Sr. shoves TK

Time to watch the Silverstone race…

IRL Should Hire Hornish Sr.

They have tried everything from Jason Priestly to John Mellenkamp to Gene Simmons and failed miserably each time. Perhaps it is time for Tony George to see the writing on the wall and hire the one man who brought some sizzle in to his lifeless series this past weekend at Watkins Glen and let him patrol the pits every race looking for someone to step out of line so he can shall we say, push the issue. You betcha, I am talking about Sam Hornish Sr who looked like famed wrestler Bruno Sammartino in the pits at Watkins Glen last Sunday as he gave TK a love tap to remember Sam Jr by as he flees to NASCAR. Just what the IRL needed to create a buzz you say? Put some breath in to a series on life support right? Well maybe, but the real debacle here is the IRL needs something to happen ON THE TRACK as well and the show lacked in that department greatly. A historic venue such as Watkins Glen generally provides for some great racing and that just was not the case for TG and company at this famed course. The racing itself did not come close to being as competitive and exciting as the annual Nascar event usually is and that is being kind. Before you hang Hornish Sr for his bad behavior, lets look at the marketing opportunity the IRL has here. You can sell Sam Sr action figures to the kids and plaster his menacing image on soda cups and tee shirts as well. In a race that put me to sleep more than once, Hornish Sr gave me hope for the next IRL event in Nashville. Hopefully TG will have the good sense to restore his credential and give him a nightstick so he can roam the pits and bop any driver that exceeds the posted pit lane speed limit. I mean would that not be more exciting that a stop and go penalty? Got a drunk in the stands who will not sit down? No problem as Sr will go up there and give the guy a choice between sitting down or getting smacked around before being yanked out of the stands. Hey these are dangerous time we live in and we need to know there is a man tough as nails at the track who can keep the peace in exchange for an all access credential and a twenty two ounce beer. So all you good people in Nashville head out to the race this weekend (All 1,500 of you) and relax as Sgt Hornish will be on patrol all weekend at the track. TG, you better sign him long term before Vince McMahon does.

The Dan & Danica Show

Pretty funny to think that when a RASSCAR race gets rained out for the third time in the past few weeks, the Indy Racing League would become the beneficiary!

And I know I shouldn’t be getting sucked into the “Spin Cycle” of “Who HIT whom?” But the talk of the week centers on the Princesses latest THEATRICS in pit lane. When she confronted Dan Wheldon afterwards regarding their on track incident. Yet Princess got wound up and went after “Spike” like an angry hornet. Grabbing Wheldon and shoving him as she walked away.

And what’s up with Penske Racing breaking the rear wings on both of its cars 10 laps apart? I suspect that the Penske gang was seeking the “Unfair Advantage.” And I know that with today’s rules being so tight, teams will do anything to seek the slightest performance gain. Just ask Bobby Rahal who earlier this year saw both of his cars go to the back of the grid for interpreting wing angles differently then the rest of the grid…

Andretti goes quietly

Will Little Al follow? And although I was going to leave the gory details to Indiana Bureau Chief Danny B. I couldn’t pass up the chance to announce Michael Andretti’s retirement. Again! (Since Danny is probably busy putting brats on the Barbie in preparation for the “Old” Milwaukee Mile Indy Car race… Or perhaps still savoring some leftover Tenderloin sandwiches?)

Yes, after a rather long frustrating day at “The Office.” Where Andretti was never a factor, Michael has decided to retire for good after a painful day of rain delays and motoring around mid-pack before finally finishing 13th.

Of course Andretti’s finish was much better than Unser Jr’s miserable performance of running caboose the entire race and finishing six laps behind. Yikes! That sound’s like a Milka Duno performance…

Bagpipes ‘N Thunder

While I’m sure that Danny B’s post race thoughts will be much more insightful than mine. (Which hopefully he’ll write after drying off) Nevertheless I’ll give my 12 cents worth…

Talk about a wacky way to end the Month of May. Was it an omen of things to come with Jimmy Neighbors NOT singing Back home in Indiana for the first time since 1986?

Obviously the most heart broken driver of this year’s “Indee 415” has to be none other than Tony Kanaan, whom most definitely deserves to taste the milk in victory circle. And I sat there torn between Kanaan winning in what would have been the shortest race in history vs. the fact of barely going half distance.

Yet ironically I made a lucky guess when picking Dario “REO Speedwagon” Franchitti as it seems fitting that the number 27 would find it’s way to victory circle on the 25th Anniversary of Gilles Villeneuve’s death... Along with what must be some sort of payback for the Speedway’s torture on Pole Day. Snatching P1 away from the Scotsman after waiting a ridiculous five hours to see it all slip away.

“Wundering” if the weathermen had been correct? I tuned in via the internets early and listened for the first hour plus via WIBC. It was kind of funny listening to the interview of “The King.” No, the other king. (Richard Petty) and AJ Foyt. Then I switched over to the TV broadcast just prior to the green flag being dropped.

But I elected to TURN OFF ABC immediately and return to the “live” IMS radio broadcast instead. As there’s just something about Rusty “Left Turn Only” Wallace’s voice that sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

And I found it entertaining that the first yellow waved on lap 12. “Whoa Nellie,” this could be a long day. Which I guess was a major understatement? As the first caution flew for John Andretti who’d LOST one of his mirrors.

Doing their best George Foreman “Rope-A-Dope” impersonation, Andretti’s pit crew sent him back out without making the mandatory mirror replacement. As supposedly the team couldn’t find a spare and ended up borrowing an extra from AJ Foyt.

And speaking of “Super Tex,” what in the HELL was WRONG with Little Al (Unser Jr.) today? That seemed to be a really PATHETIC driving display as ‘lil Al ran LAST for the majority of the race. I mean c’mon! Even Marty Roth was way ahead of him.

Adding insult to injury was John Herb’s impatience to pass the #50 Unser chicane, causing Herb to hit the wall instead. And although Unser trundled along, ‘lil Al ran over a crew member’s foot during the ensuing caution flag pit stop! And if I was Unser Jr. I’d be really embarrassed to have moved up to third overall in most laps completed at the Brickyard by today’s performance.

Then “Milk ‘N Doughnuts” as Danny b. nicknamed her before Robin Miller used the moniker during his OTB interview with Tom sneva HIT the wall on lap 65 while running in 22nd. Yet Duno was just one of the slower drivers to succumb to Indy’s Safer barriers. Other drivers suffered the same fate while trying to move off line to let the leaders go by.

Barely passing the halfway point, Tony Kanaan swept past Marco andretti, whom in turn led Princess Danica. And then the skies opened as the rainfall came down hard ‘N heavy, causing a nearly three hour rain delay. And I sat there hoping that this wouldn’t be the end of the race, since it had only gone 113 laps and I really didn’t want to hear all of the accolades that would be bestowed on Princess for finishing third!

And the post race interviews were pretty entertaining, with Kanaan being most gracious in defeat. Along with Marco just happy to be uninjured after barrel rolling down Indy’s straightaway, bringing out the yellow before the rain returned. Marco claimed he’d never seen Dan Wheldon when they hit due to having no mirror.

By the way Princess, who’s that finishing three places AHEAD of you in 5th! Looks like your friend Ryan Briscoe whom you said crashes a lot and won’t go the distance?

Hopping up Indy

So it might not be quite as exciting as “WWF RAW,” Or the Nextel Cup All Star races. But while Indianapolis has the three ring circus, better known as the Danica, Sarah and Milka show. Formula 1 is hopeful that Spyker will fly Paris Hilton into Monte Carlo this weekend to pitch its newest bubbly…

Yet I found it most amusing that the Indy Racing League has a little scandal of its own to contend with. Originally Robin Miller broke the story on Wind Tunnel last Sunday night, when he told Dave Despain that some IRL teams had been caught running Methanol in their Ethanol fuel to try boosting performance. In the immortal words of Bobby Unser: “I think there’s some Slippery Liquids on track!”

What’s that? Sound a little bit like Mikey “SQUEAKY CLEAN” Waltrip’s incident at Daytona this year? And has anybody noticed how poor ‘ole Mikey hasn’t qualified for a race since. But I digress…

Since Miller’s report, IMS’s Brian Barnhart originally tried not naming names, but has finally divulged who the IRL has fined for this incident. With one of the little teams getting either nabbed, thrown under the bus or both.

Dreyer & Reinbold have been fined $25,000 by Indy Car along with having to pay for damages to the Honda “lump.” (Estimated between $70-100K)

But perhaps the extremely high exhaust temperatures that tipped Honda off to this concoction of Jet Fuel were instead caused by the team using George Foreman grills. You know the ones that will cook anything? Since the flashy ex-Heavyweight Champion boxer has just agreed to become the team’s newest co-owner.

Does this mean that he’ll KNOCK OUT Tony George if Panther Racing doesn’t win the race? And talk about your ultimate tail gaiting party as John Andretti has the perfect cooking utensils to take camping with him while the team listens to Gomer Pyle on the starting grid.

Meanwhile, Danica is apparently nervous about being knocked out of the feline limelight at The Brickyard and has been “Trash Talkin” about Ryan Briscoe. Danica claims he’s quick but crashes way too much and “wunders” if Briscoe can go the distance this Sunday. Uh “Princess” who’s that starting next to you?

Coincidently Roger Penske possibly views the “Aussie” as another young Paul Tracy? (Is Danica jealous?) Which made it even more interesting to read that Briscoe could be in line for Sam Hornish Jr’s seat when he bolts for RASSCAR…

Quick! Somebody go wake up Jimmy Neighbor’s. I think it’s almost time to sing about the Sycamores…

The newest Foyt

And although it’s been long speculated, and I heard it first from Robin Miller on The Speed Report. (As he also broke the news on Davey Hamilton’s return) It’s now official, Al Unser Jr. will partner AJ Foyt’s primary driver Darren Manning at this year’s Indy 500.

Yeah, we just don’t know what Indy means to “lil Al.” (Can you say “Greenback’s?”) But I suspect it will be a refreshing change of pace for Unser Jr’s off track problems. And how many times has Indianapolis been the theme of the two time winner’s rejuvenation?

Hopefully AJ Foyt will provide both of his drivers with decent equipment, as last year Unser Jr. struggled to come to grips with the under financed Dreyer & Reinbold team.

And with this being “Super Tex’s” 50th Anniversary in motor racing, we really don’t want to see AJ pounding on little Al’s cockpit surround with either a ratchet or lap top. Then again perhaps we do?

Milkshakes and Indy

LOOK OUT Danica… There’s a new Woman in town. And she’s gunning for you.

By now you’re well aware of the fact that Robin Miller’s new “squeeze” Milka Duno took center stage, err BACK stage at Kansas City.

Duno qualified dead LAST for yesterday’s KC LOTTERY 300, ending up 21st. GEEZ! Even Marty “The Back marker” Roth qualified ahead of her. And Danny B. pointed out to me, Duno was 6 ½ miles off the pace. Then again its funny thinking about how qualifying at 208mph is SLOW!

There were also three females competing in the ARCA race as well as a lone female competing in the Craftsman Truck event, all taking place in KC this past weekend...

And you know you’re really desperate for racing when you make a conscious decision to sit down and watch an entire Indy Car race… But it looks like Tony “Ronnie” George is once again laughing all the way to the bank… Since the stunt worked? I mean it got me to pay attention to the (GASP!) IRL. Or should that be “Days of our Lives?”

Talk about your perfect segway… As High School Cheerleading proceeded the Indy Car race. And the Firestone pre-race show seemed more like a fashion gala then a pre-race show as all of the “big name” drivers preened for the cameras.

Top billing went to Dan “Spike” Wheldon, whom seems to always play up the cheeky Brit along with wearing the latest sunglasses. And I’m surprised that he doesn’t have L’Oreal as a personal sponsor…

Then over to TK (Tony Kanaan) who had a super great attitude prior to the race… Before cutting over to the Penske boys. Going to commercial break the announcer boomed “There’s Milka!”

In this “Made for TV” segment, the travails of Milka duno’s ordeal to pass her rookie test at KC were chronicled, before going live to Milka. Yet I found her interview pleasing as Milka seemed pretty down to earth about her day’s objectives.

Yet not to be outdone, they immediately interviewed Danica… Asking her about whether or not this was going to be the race that brought her momentum for the Month of May? And perhaps it’s just me, but Danica seemed a little bit “Bitchy!” (I’m supposed to be the lead female interviewee)

And then it was time to go racing… With “Spike” thoroughly dominating the event. Yet I sat there laughing heartily out loud as none other then Danica and TK tangled in the pits! Scott Goodyear pointed out, you never have teammates running into each other during a pit stop!

TK was so upset by the lack of communications, that Jack “I Wanna Nap” Arute (Stupid segment with Arute talking up the Jet Lag issue of flying back from Motegi) claimed that he’d come over the radio, furiously telling the team that if that ever happened again he’d NEVER drive for them again!

And later on they played the pit stop via Danica’s radio. And you hear Go-Go-Go-Go-Go, Whoah- Whoah- Whoah- Whoah- Whoah… (OOPS!!!)

Danica rode around on-track while Kanaan went down 8 laps during pit work to replace broken suspension parts. And where’s Sarah Fisher? She’s 2 laps down in 13th while Duno’s 4 laps down in 16th…

And they pointed out how Duno’s spotter Pauncho “Villa” Carter was religiously reminding Milka to keep her foot planted on the floor! Keep your speed up!!! As Duno soldiered on running some 5-8mph slower than Wheldon. Milka’s top laps were in the 207mph range while her average speed was 203. With Wheldon blitzing the field at 211+!

And yet Duno finished the race (14th) which is much more than can be said for Marco andretti. Who once again retired due to handling issues, as it was way too SCARY out there for Marco… Perhaps AGR will want to borrow Milka’s set-up notes for Indy?

Next up, the Indy 500

KC (Duno) and the sunshine Band

Nope, that’s not a nod to some long forgotten ‘70’s band. But I just wanted to let all of “Y’all” Milka Duno fans out there know that she’s “passed” her rookie test…

Duno has earned her rookie stripes for this weekend’s upcoming Kansas LOTTERYy 300 Indy Car race. And I don’t think that they could have picked a better event to start off at. As according to Robin Miller it’ll be a total crap shoot for those trying to run in a pack with her.

And perhaps Miller will be interested to note that Duno told IRL “scrutineer” Kevin Blanch that she could feel the track through her bottom side…

SHEISA!!!

I may have to break down and watch another IRL race just to see how soon Duno causes the “Big Juan!” (Crash) Nah, I’ll just wait to get Miller’s forthright, clear and unbiased report on the action Sunday night.

And look out Mr. KISS (Gene Simmons) Milka just used your most pathetic moniker,

“I Am Indy” to describe her rookie indoctrination. And she’s definitely a HELL of a lot better looking, so perhaps if her Indy driving “gig” doesn’t work out, she could always become the Brickyard’s new spokesperson….

You can watch Milka, Sarah, Danica & Co. Sunday on ESPN2 @ 1:30PM Pacific

Another tepid Bump Day

As predicted, the Indy 500 has once again managed to scrape up enough entries to fill its traditional field of 33 starters… But as “Derr-Wreck” Daily would say: “Hang on to your Holly-Hocks!”

Because with an extremely LOW entry list of 38 participants, there will once again be HUGE gaps of TV filler time as this would see only 5 cars attempting to potentially “boomp” their way into the “Greatest Spectacle in Racing…”

And that’s only after Milka Duno passes her rookie test and nobody wads up their chassis during testing or the first weekend of qualifying.

This weekend’s Kansas City IRL race will determine Duno’s outcome for the upcoming Indy 500 as she’s scheduled to make her Indy Car debut. Speculation suggests that so much wing will be cranked onto her Dallara that even a novice could comfortably “cruise” around the high banks ‘O K.C.

One of the more interesting entrants for Indy is Luczo-Dragon Racing, which is co-owned by Roger Penske’s youngest son Jay. The younger Penske owns Dragon books which sells rare first editions. (DAMM! I didn’t know that selling books could be so lucrative…)

And is it just me? But it seems almost a little too pre-arranged that this team is leasing equipment from Penske along with running Ryan Briscoe who’s currently driving a Porsche RS Spyder in the ALMS for Penske.

Another story that makes for slightly odd bedfellows is the rumours of “little Al” (Al Unser Jr.) driving for AJ Foyt this year. Unser Jr. says that his current legal problems shouldn’t keep him from landing sponsorship.

Hey! If things got really bad little Al and AJ Foyt IV could do some “Tastes Great – Less Filling” commercials for Miller Beer…

Then again look for the female trio of drivers to get plenty ‘O air time as ABC will need something to focus upon during the countless hours of NON existent Bump Day…

Orient Surprise?

Oh NO! Look out… Here she comes, as I just spotted a headline claiming that Danica was fastest in practice in Motegi, Japan followed by Kosuke “Kiss my Grits!” Matsuura…

Holy Catfights Batmann… Can you imagine the media drubbing that’ll occur if Danica actually manages to win this event? Of course I’m certain that the “Red Menace” and “Peskey” squads will have something to say about the matter.

Then again what will either of the IRL’s feline duo fortune cookies say? Or perhaps Danica won’t wish to read her tea leafs as she may throw another TANTRUM if things DON’T go her way…

Yet contrary to popular belief, I’ll be busy watching the Champ Car race on ESPN this Sunday at 12 PM (Pacific) which hopefully won’t be another “Hamburgular” run-away…

Street racing in St. Pete

Yeah, I know I’m not being a very loyal Champ Car fan by watching my second IRL race in a row… But, hey this “Juan” was a street race. And it sure looked like the good ‘ol “Salad Days” of CART to me… With Penske, Ganassi and a Andretti up front. (Minus the lack of entrants)

And I know it’ll sound a bit funny but I prefer the days of racing car drivers actually having to take their hand off the steering wheel and shift.

Perhaps that’s why I decided to watch today’s race… Of course some of you out there will say that I’m simply fixated upon Danica.

But imagine having to wheel around a 650bhp land shark with NO power steering, manual (sequential) shifting and extremely unforgiving concrete canyons to carve your way thru for 100 laps! All the while having to keep a look out for your nearest competitor waiting to run over you…

Perhaps this is why the announcers noted drivers making 25-35 shifts per lap and talked about the traditional acres of gauze and tape to protect their hands… “I’ve got blisters on my fingers!”

And yet the drivers actually enjoy playing jokes upon each other… As Marco Andretti was being interview for the pre-race show, Marco’s answers sounded very “clipped.” Then the announcer pointed out how Helio Castroneves was busy untying Marco’s boots during the interview! (Would this ever happen in a Formula 1 race?)

“Quick, where’s Danica Now? Has she finished powdering her nose…”

At the drop of the green flag, Dario “R.E.O. Speedwagon” Franchitti and Tony “Oh Thank Heaven” Kanaan broke the cardinal rule of racing against your teammate. Dario clipped Kanaan’s tire and they both spun out… Dario getting the worst of it, needing to pit to replace a damaged toe link.

And “KuhZuki” Gesundheit (Kosuke) Matsuura was fantastic today! After being a hapless victim of Jeff “Say Ethanol five time here” Simmons, (NO relation to IRL punch man Gene “I AM INDY” Simmons) Kosuke was first seen giving the angry hand gesture as Simmons passed by. Then during the interview I broke into laughter as Kosuke cussed out Simmons live on air calling him a FUCKING idiot…

And it was even funnier hearing the announcer apologize later during the program saying “NO, you did hear something offensive in Kosuke’s accent!”

Quick Danica’s up to ninth place now… Roll the Danica interview.

And I found it humourous how the IRL seems to be borrowing both from Formula 1 and Champ Car.

Danica’s car had the nose wing camera that F1 has been using for awhile now. Along with Scott Dixon having a side mirror mounted camera pointed at the cockpit a la F1…

And the Indycar website seems to be copying multiple in-car “Directors” views available along with live timing & scoring (Uh Duh?) from Champ Car

Yet it was interesting to hear that the Indy cars have only one inch of ground clearance…

And what gives with all of the “RASSCAR” comments? Apparently ESPN thought they needed to “Dumb it Down” for viewers… Even explaining that understeer is the same thing as a “Stocker” being tight. And even Chip Ganassi had to throw in a quip about RASSCAR during a pit interview when Castroneves bumped ‘N runned Dan Wheldon…

Not to be outdone by Andretti-Green Racing, AJ Foyt IV clobbered teammate Ed Carpenter which should make for a fun debrief.

Poor Darren Manning! It looked like he was on course to capture his first podium for AJ Foyt’s mid-field squad. Manning had qualified 5th, which was the highest starting position for “Super Tex” since 2001. Yet Manning spun off course under pressure from Kanaan in the closing stages of the race…

And before I forget, Sarah Fisher finished her very first road course/street race… With the battle of Danica vs. Sarah at 1-1.
Danica Start: 11th/Finshed: 8th. Fisher Start: 18th (LAST_/finished: 15th)

Meanwhile Pablo Perez, who suffered multiple foot & leg injuries when impacting the catch fence at Homestead’s Indy Pro Series race, continues to have multiple operations to try saving his legs…

Milka makes Three

And while my counterparts make jabs about media over-exposure possibly crushing certain Rookie drivers chances for success. Comes word that Milka Duno has been confirmed as the third female driver to join the IRL…

Yep, that’s right… Three females fighting for top honours at The Brickyard this Memorial Day Weekend… So move over Danica, Milka’s coming… Or perhaps Milka and Sarah Fisher will tag team her?

And Duno has some pretty serious sponsorship money behind her, as her team’s primary sponsor is CITGO. Then again how much does it really cost to put together a partial season competing in the IRL?

Indy Cars roar to life

OK, is it just me, or is it a slow news day when various Formula 1 websites are dribbling on ‘bout the Indy Racing League… Of course it’s good to have the Open Wheel machines back in action, giving us something else besides “RASSCAR!”

And as I’ve mentioned before, both the IRL and Champ Car need to come to their senses as both of the beleaguered Open Wheel racing entities continue to struggle to put together quality fields… Or for that matter quantity…

Meanwhile Art (Carney?) apparently has “Only Eyes for Danica!” C’mon, comparing Danica Patrick to Lewis Hamilton? Is anybody else seeing a problem here? I mean isn’t Danica much better looking!

Foyt IV in trouble

Although AJ Foyt IV has been keeping “mum” on his off track activities, it has finally been leaked that Foyt IV will appear in court to face charges of drunken driving…

Back Home in Indiana

After coming out of retirement last year in order to compete alongside his son, Michael Andretti has just announced that he’ll once again race at the Brickyard this Memorial Day weekend…

And although the Andretti Indianapolis “curse” is quite overbearing, apparently the lure of drinking the milk along with a pretty hefty paycheck is just too strong of an enticement for Michael to pass up, along with racing against his son…

Move Over Danica

Although Danica Patrick is the media darling of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the IRL’s first lady racer has just been announced as part of a two car effort for Dreyer & Reinbold.

Sarah Fisher will return to the cockpit full-time in 2007 with beleaguered ex-Indy 500 winner Buddy Rice. Rice was released from Rahal/Letterman Racing at the end of last year, while Fisher struggled to regain a ride in the IRL…

Meanwhile speculation suggests that if Larry Cahill can get his hoped for IRL team up and running it will feature another female driver, Milka Duno. This would give the IRL three bonafied females on the track…

And while Patrick was busy gussying herself up for a Playboy “shin-dig” in Miami the night before the Super Bowl, her arch nemesis Katherine Legge was busy accepting her Speed TV award for best “wall-smack…”

Pumping Up Marco

While Marco Andretti’s father Michael had mixed emotions over his son’s Formula 1 testing debut with Honda this past December at Jerez, Grandpa Mario was very upbeat…

Mario could do nothing but sing the praises of his grandson, saying the kid’s got the “right stuff” for becoming a Formula 1 driver…

Mario says that he’ll accompany Marco to his next F1 test and is fairly certain that Marco will test again sometime in 2007. Mario commented on how Marco’s got the right physique for being a modern day Formula 1 driver…

In his best “BLOODY NIGE” (Nigel Mansell) impersonation… Mario noted how he’d like to sample a modern day Formula 1 chassis. Mario noted that the cockpits are a bit tighter than the days of his World Championship driving, but his shoulders aren’t that broad…

Perhaps you’ll recall that Il Leone’s (Mansell) backside became too large to fit into the McLaren chassis after his planned return to racing full time in Formula 1 for 1995…

Counting Cars

As previously mentioned, conversations between Kevin Kalkhoven and “Ronnie” (Tony) George have cooled considerably regarding the two Open Wheel stalwarts “secret talks” last summer towards an impending Champ Car-IRL merger…

In a previous interview wit the IRL’sPresident Brian Barnhart: Barnhart has publicly stated that although he thinks Kevin & Tony are still talking to each other, they’re talks have diminished since they both have realized how difficult a possible merger would be…

Barnhart also went on to discuss the conjecture over lack of entrants for the upcoming IRL season, saying he’s not concerned about only having 16 cars at the moment. Barnhart expects 2-4 more cars to show up on the grid prior to the Homestead season opener next March…

Rumours of Adrian Fernandez’s IRL team’s demise appear to be premature. Speculation suggests that Fernandez is close to finalizing a multi-year deal to run P.J. Chesson in a single car effort beginning next season…

There have also been reports that Larry Cahill will campaign a two car team next season as part of his efforts to sanction a new event in Missouri in 2007…

The IRL will switch from Methanol to Ethanol in 2007, becoming the very first racing series to run on 100% Ethanol as its fuel source. Interestingly the IRL has allowed Honda to revert back to equipping all of the teams with 3.5 liters naturally aspirated engines vs. the 3.0 liter units run previously. This is due to the loss of horsepower upon converting to Ethanol…

Marco gets Honda Christmas present

Nineteen year old IRL phenom Marco andretti will test a Honda F1 chassis for his very first time at Jerez, Spain later this week. Apparently it doesn’t hurt having your father own Andretti-Green Racing which was the de-facto Honda factory IRL team prior to Honda becoming the league’s sole engine supplier in 2006.

Also helping to open doors is Grandpa Mario. The senior andretti was the Formula 1 World champion in 1978. Marco is under contract to AGR through 2009 and will race next year in the IRL along with focusing on winning the Indy 500 and the IRL championship. Honda sees the testing debut as a great marketing ploy, hopefully stirring up F1 interest in the U.S. as well as evaluating the youngster’s potential for a future F1 drive…