Short Track Fever

Whale, has another two Indy Car Oval races already sped by? As I decided to lump the two shortest Short Tracks together, as although they provided some entertaining racing… They’re NOT on my list of true Indy Car racing venues… I mean, let’s leave them to the Midgets, Sprint Cars, etc.

Yeah, I’m a died in the wool Road Course fanatic…

Iowa Cornfest 250
As the weather continued to play havoc upon the Midwest, Iowa’s Friday practice and Saturday qualifying were RAINED OUT… Which was NO great relief to the waterlogged bayou’s where Charlotte and all of her friends *Oinker’s) were doin’ their best to stay dry…

Thus qualifying was arranged according to the current driver’s point’s standings which saw Scotty “Got Milk?” Dixon on point with Helioe “Blue suede shues” Castroneeves filling out Row 1… (Hey, I can’t stop myself, as My Name is IRL said we needed to give ‘dem IRL drivers some nicknames, eh?)

And thus, I found it good timing to notice that during the first commercial break of ABC’s (Huh?) half hour pre-race show… The race was being sponsored by the Midwest Farmers… Who grow Corn, by gum-it! As I found it refreshing to see a commercial playing about how Corn’s good for you… As this brings back memories of riding thru the massive acreage of Corn fields in Iowa, which I did in 1994 on the state’s famous RAGBRAI bicycle ride across Iowa, where you start by dippin’ your tire in the Missouri River and “Juan” week later traipse down a Red Carpet and do the same procedure for the “Mighty Mo. (Mississippi River) As we were informed on our bike ride that if you saw a “TP” (Toilet Paper) roll on a Farmer’s field ‘O Cornstalks, then it was fair game to go to the bathroom there, but I digress…

As it was also noted that 300 local Farmers were hangin’ out in the Turn 1 hospitality suite and were rootin’ for their boy Ryan “The Dude” Hunter Reay… You know the guy who drives Booby Ruble’s Eethanol machine.

Back from commercial break and there was an entertaining piece about whether or not; “Racing Drivers are Athletes?” UH DUH!!! Of course they are… I mean just wearin’ a Nomex fire suit in blazing sunshine will give you an idea of what they have to endure, but I digress even further… As it was time for the OBLIGATORY Princess Danicker and Marky Mark (Andretti Junior) interviews.

So, I was gonna turn off the boob tube and tune in Mike King & Davey Hamilton, but decided to gut out the TV broadcast, because suddenly I was very curious to see how LONG it would take for them to mention ANY of the ACK! “Transition” Drivers, after all, this is a unified series now, right?

As I screamed at the Telescreen, you’ve only interviewed; Danica, Marco, Dixon, Wheldon, Helio and TK (Kanaan) NOT “Juan” single Transition driver at all! NOPE! It took an amazing 48 minutes until none other than Rusty “Bark at the Moon” Wallace first mentioned any ex-Champ Car refugee, although it was some sort of comparison of Graham Rahal to Joey Lagano… Crikeys! So, we’ll keep countin’ Going’ to the 65 minute mark when Mario “NOT so Super” Moraes was mentioned as the leaders came upon traffic on Lap 99 and Enrique “I’m too Sexy” Bernoldi was next up as we went to commercial break.

Justin Wilson got a shout-out for moving from P23 to P8, while “gentleman John” Andretti was another big shaker, moving up 14 places in Jay “What me, Worry?” Howard’s rent a race car… Yet, Wilson got a real nice segment about how the Mic Dougal’s car was steadily improving… Hmm? Me thinks I smell a corporate Rat here, eh?

And in the overflowin’ trivia department, it was made known that The Captain, a.k.a. Roger Penske was missing ONLY his third race ever, in over 40 years of attending races… First race missed was for his wedding. Second race missed was because of some ‘lil thing called 9/11! And this third time was due to him recovering from a minor medical procedure… NOPE! Ain’t gonna touch ‘dat one kids…

And then the floodgates opened on the Transition Drivers shout-outs, but oh yeah, was there a race goin’ on or somme-thun? As after Helio had led the way for 91 laps, with TK leading the second most, Danny “SPIKE” Wheldon, a.k.a. Birthday Boy, who Scott Dixon busted for sayin’ he was only 26 on his BIG THREE-OH… Took over the point by staying out during one of the numerous yellows, but earlier Eddie Carpentier had retired with a broken right rear suspension piece, as he was the third car of the weekend to experience the results of excessive G-loading, as the drivers were experiencing 4.9 G’s twice a lap which took only 17 seconds to complete.

But back to Birthday Boy, as both Marty Reid and Jack “BRUT” Arute mentioned; Can you say Motegi? As Dan-Dan-Danicker is on a similar fuel stratch-ity along with Wheldon and Hideki Mutoh. And who’d uh thunk it? (Certainly NOT Hunter Reay) but Marco raced his rookie teammate cleanly and they didn’t collide while jockeying for second place as B-Day Boy took the chequered flag for his second win of the season, with Mutoh finishing a career best second ahead of Marco.

And I’ll let you puruse le internets for various reporting upon Scott Dixon calling Danica a Menace and Carpenter callin’ her the new Scott Sharp of the IRL! Now onto Richmond, the SMALLEST track on the schedule…

Richmond Sun-BAKED 300
Saturday Nite’s ALL Right for Fightin’

Just finished listening to Davey Hamilton on Autosport Radio (Tuesday, July 01, 2008; As you may wish to listen to the Archived show) and I’m MORE ‘N MORE IMPRESSED by that Cool Cat…Who’s made his way up the ranks the ‘Ol Fashioned way! As Davey said; There just was a lot of BAD drivin’ at Richmond…

But I must tell yuh, at least the IMS Radio Broadcast knows how to put on a pre-race show, as they immediately talked to the “STARZS” i.e.; the Indy Car drivers and they interviewed both sides of the fence; Boom-Boom-Boom.. First up, Ryan Hunter Reay, then Oriel Servia, Buddy Rice, Graham Rahal, etc. And for some reason the Boyzs in the booth were still hammerin’ away on Darren Manning deciding to park ‘Ol Super Tex’s Hot Rod at Iowa, with Davey Hamilton saying he wouldn’t be surprised to see a different driver in the car prior to the end of the season… You just DON’T tell AJ Foyt you’re too knackered to drive!

And then it was time to get ready to rumble... As Hunter Reay would spin on the very first lap of what would become a Demolition Derby fest, as the strangest caution of the night occurred when Gentleman John shoved “Quattro” (AJ Foyt IV) outta the way and a piece of debris flew off of his car and Eddie Carpentier had nowhere to go and had to hit the piece of debris… Which Hamilton said looked to be Foyt IV’s attenuator, whatever the hell that is? And then it simply got UGLY!

As Marty TURTLE Roth was going too SLOW! And helped to bottle up traffic on the yellow flag re-starts, as we were already on our fifth caution by lap 79 and Davey quickly pointed out that Roth was at least a good 15+ car lengths behind the new race leader “Jamie Karnuba” (Jaime Camara, leading his very first Indy Car race) and was going only 149mph and that Indy Car would have to call him in as he was simply off the pace, (AGAIN!) before we had another yellow! As Mike King was simply dumbstruck by the fact that of the first 100 laps, 58 had been run under caution and we were only one third of the way done…

And then Mr. Roth who by this point was 5 laps behind, began to slow down as Davey called out his lap speeds; 128mph, 133mph, he’s simply way too SLOW! He’ll have to come in… Looks like Marty’s pitting (to change his shorts?) as it appears Roth’s done for the night. As another caution flag flew.

Gee whiz guys, I thought you were professional racing drivers? Ain’t ‘dem Roundy-round Boyzs supposed to be duh “Juan’s” running ‘dem Bombers? As lap 145 saw caution number 8 and I enjoyed Davey’s comments about how when two drivers are jawin’ at each other so intensely, uze may wanna put ‘dem in separate Ambulances, eh? As Hunter Reay was giving Mario “M ‘N M” Moraes a severe tongue lashing after the two drivers had collided… While Mike King pointed out that the record for cautions in a Non-Indianapolis 500 race was 11 at Pikes Peak Raceway in 1999, will we break that?

And in the useless(?) trivia dept. it was noted that The Captain was once again on Medical leave and missing only his fourth race in 40+ years… Although doctors ordered him to remain vigilant in his post minor “Medical Procedure recovery… I’m wonderin’ if perhaps his IRL rival The Cheepster co-erced him into goin’ out to Idaho for a few cold ones… As Chip Ganassi reportedly was quite surprised that some ‘lil ‘Ol bar in Newell, Idaho had HD TV! (Wonder if Davey clued Chip in on that one, eh?)

While my two pages of race notes center around the smorgasbord ‘O Cautions, as the ‘lil Richmond short track seemed to be awash in Yellow-itus, it seemed extremely PATHETIC that in normal racin’ circumstances a total of 16 cars would have retired, as three drivers; R. Briscoe, E. Carpenter and D. Manning were all able to return to the race after extensive repair jobs made to their stricken chassis… Good on you mate… (Manning) and manage to secure positions 11-13 before parking for the evening as they’d be unable to advance any further in the evening’s results.

And BOO HOO HOO! Poor Marky Mark (Andretti) had to pit for fuel prior to the final yellow coming out which effectively put him down one lap, with Tony “Follow your Snauz” Kanaan beatin’ Helio Dancin’ Fool outta pit lane and crusin’ home to his first win of the season, with Castroneves second and Scott Dixon finishing third after teammate Dan “SPIKE” Wheldon ran outta cough-cough fuel on the final lap to finish fourth with Oriel “Double Stuff” Servia finishing a season best fifth!

And so now, we’re headed off to Watkins Glen, a truly great permanent road course which should hopefully see a few less wrecks?

Future Indy Car calendar

While Y’all wait anxiously for the unveiling of the 2009 Indy Car World Series… schedule Which will hopefully be the “Clean Sheet ‘O Paper” we’ve all been promised… With its 50/50 split of Ovals vs. Road Courses and Temporary Street circuits, dashing the hopes of Y’all Oval Track bleedin’ hearts… I’d like to throw in my two cents on the topic of what I think the calendar should look like in the coming years…

2008 Indy Car Schedule
March 29: Homestead-Miami Speedway; April 6: Streets of St. Petersburg; April 19: Twin Ring Motegi; April 27: Kansas Speedway; May 25: 92nd Indianapolis 500; June 1: The Milwaukee Mile; June 7: Texas Motor Speedway; June 22: Iowa Speedway; June 28: Richmond International Raceway; July 6: Watkins Glen International; July 12: Nashville Superspeedway; July 20: Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course; July 26: Streets of Edmonton; Aug 9: Kentucky Speedway; Aug 24: Infineon Raceway; Aug 31: The Raceway at Belle Isle Park; Sept 7: Chicagoland Speedway; Oct 26 Surfers Paradise, Australia* (* = To Be Announced)

As you may have heard by now? Robin Miller previously noted that Homestead was most likely off the calendar for next year with either a round at the Mexico City road course or a possible new Oval Track to be named later… As its now been reported that Terry Angstadt, the man behind the curtain, Err, leading the charge as head Scheduler… Has hosted preliminary talks with both Mexico City and Laguna Seca…

While Cleveland has thrown its hat in the ring with Bobby Rahal crashing a recent meeting pitching the necessity of the Burke Lakefront Airport venue returning in 2009. While it would seem quite illogical to think that Mikey Andretti secured promotions of Toronto’s street race without a contract in hand to return the popular event to the 2009 calendar, eh?

Interestingly, both Cleveland and Houston’s street races were promoted by Mike Lanigan, the third hombre at Newman Haas Lanigan Racing… While Houston would be a long shot due to the ceaseless barking of Eddie “The Goose” Gossage and his TEX-ARSE WURLD SPEEDWAY… Cleveland seems a bit more possible, although recent reports have noted how there are currently five tracks hosting events in this region… And thus, I’d happily take Cleveland in favour of Nashville…

Ironically, Mexico City was previously promoted by Gerry “NO MASS” Forsythe and thus would seem a little bit tricky to negotiate, unless perhaps the Mexico City Tourism Board has a change of ownership up its sleeves?

Of course Long Beach will return to its vaunted traditional April date with NO more STUPID Twin Rings ‘O Venus/Long Beach Grand Prix on the same weekend… Which means Motegi will be shuffled, perhaps to coincide with Surfers Paradise, Australia which is also definitely on the calendar…

Thus, this just leaves two classic, important Champ Car races missing from the new ‘N improved schedule: Portland and Road America… And although I’ve never made it to Elkhart Lake, this 4.0 mile road course simply has to be one of the BEST permanent racing venues in Norte Americano… And has long been on my list of must visit tracks! It’s offered some truly great racing over the years and I believe that it’s a true drivers favourite…

And while its old news that I’m a bit prejudiced towards Portland International Raceway, as it’s now my lone home racing track for the “Big Boyzs,” with the demise of Vancouver, BC, there are a few reasons why it should indeed return to next year’s calendar…

First of all, 2008 was scheduled to be its 25th Anniversary for CART/Champ Car competition at the permanent road course located just north of Downtown Portland. Yet, even more importantly is the fact that 2009 will be the 100th Anniversary of the very first Champ Car race… Of which Portland holds the distinction of preceding the Brickyard, as its race was part of the forbearer to what would ultimately become Champ Car. (Circa 2004-07)
“In 1909 -- in Portland -- Howard Covey drove a Cadillac to victory in the first race of what was then called the U.S. National Championship Series, a forebear of the United States Auto Club series and later Champ Car.:
(Source: The Oregonian; 2007)

And while critics will be quick to point out the lackluster attendance Portland has suffered over the past few years due to “The Split” and the watered down product Champ Car produced, I’d expect with the series unification and the proper marketing Portland could once again become a Northwest gem in the Indy Car World Series…

And speculation suggests that next year’s schedule could grow to 19 events with 20-21 making up the 2010-11 calendar, I’ll leave you with my version of the ultimate season…

(Proposed) 2009 IndyCar Schedule
1. Mexico City; 2. St. Petersberg; 3. Long Beach; 4. Kansas; 5. Indianapolis; 6. Milwaukee; 7. Texas; 8. Sears Point; 9. Portland; 10. Cleveland;
11. Mid-Ohio; 12. Edmondton; 13. Toronto; 14. Watkins Glen; 15. Kentucky;
16. Chicagoland; 17. Road America; 18. Belle Isle; 19. Surfers Paradise;
20. Motegi; 21. Laguna Seca

Iowa Bleu

Whale, it seems pretty sad that I’m forced to choose between watchin’ the Iowa Cornfest 250 vs. French’s (mustard) Grand Prix… Let’s see, do I go with the Dizzney Shoppin’ Network or DUH FOX channel? Pardon mwah? Dooze uze haves any Grey Poupon? As Y’all will potentially notice that ‘lil Napolean’s Indy Car racin’ series is goin’ head to head with Emperor Bernardo’s creme de la creme (F1) Sunday morning…

And as we all hope for Iowa to dry out for the Pigs sake… And the Eethanol producer’s sake, it seems ironic that the French GP falls just one week after that epic 24 Heurs du Mans race and the upcoming Tour de Farce…

PCM parks Dominguez
Tyler Tadevic; Owner of Pacific Coast Motorsports has announced that his PCM team will be skipping this weekend’s Iowa Cornfest 250 and thus Mario “BOOM BOOM” Dominguez will not take part in the racing activities at the ‘lil house Rusty built.

The team says its re-evaluating its raceing program and that everybody’s still onboard, although after failing to qualify for the Indy 500 and not cracking the top 20 in the past two oval races, the team will regroup for another stab later this season.

Yet I’m assuming that this has something to do with the team’s (and owner) credit cards being maxed-out! Not to mention the frequency of Mario’s addiction towards Safer Barriers, eh? And hence I’ll guestimate PCM’s return to competition will commence at Watkins Glen, since after all, it’s a ROAD course…

Flood Relief
You may have heard by now that the IRL is donating $60,000 to the local Iowa chapter of the Red Cross to help out with the recent ravenous flooding that has occurred in the Midwest… As both “Tarze-Jay” drivers Scott Dixon and Dan Wheldon have pledged to donate their weekend’s race winnings to local Disaster Relief agencies, as well as Andretti Green having hosted an online auction last week, raising $10k to benefit Midwest flood victims…

Attrition
Originally the IRL had announced that they’d only be seeking 26 entries for this weekend’s Cornfest, which meant one of the 27 contestants wasn’t gonna look like the others… Then PCM put the kybosh upon Mario Dominguez taking part and viola, problem solved!

Now comes word that we’ll only have 24 starters, as both Marty “TURTLE” Roth and Bruno “Whiney Bags” Junqueira will not be taking the green flag at Iowa… As both drivers have had collisions stemming from broken suspensions, with Bruno collecting Danny Boy “SPIKE” Wheldon, who’ll be forced to start his second race in a row in his back-up chassis.

And while Roth has a spare chassis handy and Dale Coyne could probably cobble something together for Bruno… They’re both sitting the race out. HMM? Isn’t it ironic? That Jay Howard didn’t make the trip to Iowa…

The Eyes of Texas are upon you

Well perhaps NOT really, but I was tryin’ to think of something clever to tie into this past weekends Indy Car race at Edward “The Goose” Gossage’s joint… Of which fortunately, Danny B informed me was being tape DELAYED on “The Deuce” do to some minor league Stock Car race… So I decided wisely to tune into the IMS Radio Broadcast instead… Although this way I didn’t get to see Robby Knievel jump 21 Hummers for the pre-race festivities… Anyone wanna buy a used Hummer? I hear they get really LOUSY gas mileage…

Did I hear Mike King correctly? Saying it was 92 degrees at 9:25PM in the Lone Star state.

And although I took two pages of notes during this caution flag infested event, they were primarily devoted to the ever flapping yellow flags, which saw a total of 8 cautions for 52 laps, just shy of the record set in 1997. (58 caution laps)

And although there were 28 cars entered, with Luczo Dragon Racing making another start with Tomas “NO SHOW” Scheckter… Who apparently blew off his second scheduled appearance on Donald Kay’s ‘lil Autosport Radio show this past Tuesday, I was drawn to the fact that John Andretti was still masquerading as an Indy Car regular behind the wheel of Jay Howard’s #24 Roth Racing entry. And although I haven’t found anything to verify this, according to Indiana Bureau Chief Danny B, Andretti will take over the ride for the remainder of the season…

And while some have claimed that CART’s demise can be loosely traced to their attempt to takeover Texas Motor Speedway back in 2001, its worth noting that some of today’s Indy Car World Series drivers were just starting their Oval Track careers at this time in point and the Firehawk 600 race was correctly cancelled due to the drivers exceeding 5G’s, as driver safety was paramount after Dale “Ironhead” Ernhart Sr.’s death at Daytona. Its worth noting that Kenny Brack, the events pole sitter, obtained a top speed of 237+ mph, nearly 25mph faster than this year’s pole speed set by Scott Dixon at 214.878mph…

In a further parity ‘O comedic blunders… Indy Car debutant winner Ryan “Disco Inferno” Briscoe took a page out of EJ “Don’t call me Ernesto” Viso’s playbook, by deciding to stop in the WRONG pit box during the beginning of the race, which dropped him nearly two laps behind. Oh well, at least Eddie “F-Bombs Are Us” Carpentier didn’t make any waves or get fined this time, eh?

And while it was a fairly entertaining event, with multiple passing, as Y’all may know by now, Marco “Marky Mark” Andretti and Ryan “Sniff Petrol” Hunter-Reay apparently decided to disagree on who’d go where in the final laps, causing Vitor Meira too do his best Dario “Where’s my pants” Franchitti summersault impersonation, which saw Scott “The Milkman” (DON’T Go ‘dare fellas!) Dixon claim his third victory of the season…

As interestingly, prior to the races beginning, Dave “The King” Wilson tossed out an impressive statistic. For his Indy Car career, Scott Dixon averages a win EVERY 5.7 starts. And if you take out the forty abysmal Toyota starts, when they were getting WHOOPED by Honda... He averages a WIN EVERY 2.6 starts!

Even funnier yet, according to Danny B, the Deuce made a major boo-boo, when they couldn’t figure out how to stop the live broadcast audio for two minutes during the pre-race portion of the DELAYED broadcast… So, its pretty DAMN funny to read that Tony George & Co. are claiming that this late night/early morning TV broadcast set a record for TV viewer ship on ESPN2…

And speaking of Jay Howard, it was interesting to listen to “Hi, I’m Ron Dixon, Father of Scott” on Autosport Radio this past Tuesday… As apparently the Brit was scheduled to be on the show, but at 5:10PM (ET) had called Mr. Kay to inform him that he’d missed his aeroplane as he’d forgotten to set his watch for the time change and hence, Ron Dixon was pressed into service… Which was actually a very enlightening interview, although I think some of that moisture Indiana’s been having musta seeped into their broadcast equipment as once again I lost the broadcast when it froze during the end of the show!

Ron mentioned how in fact, his son Scott is a “Kiwi” and NOT an “Aussie” contrary to popular media belief Down Under… As Ron works as a spotter for Roth Racing’s John Andretti and previously Jay Howard, interestingly Ron also mentors and spots for three Flinstone Indy Lites competitors… When he’s not busy being threatened by their fathers, since he’s NOT spotting for their sons on said weekends…

Ron also runs some sort of Toyota race team Down Under in Australia and when being asked to comment on Jay Howard’s current situation, Ron noted that he’d had Jay drive for him and he was absolutely brilliant, as he’d never seen the track, nor driven the car and was straightaway on it, leading nearly everything… And was leading by over ¾ lap before the race was red flagged for rain and subsequently punted off on the restart…

As for commenting on Jay’s driving at Roth Racing he tries to stay out of the politics, since he likes keeping his job, but mentioned that things looked good for Jay next year if he’s released properly…

So, once again it sounds like its all down to whoever’s got the largest satchel of dinero, eh? Although Ron eluded to the possibility that Jay would drive for Roth Racing before the end of this season.

Ron also noted he’s got a female New Zealander currently running his Toyota program who’s just itching to test an Indy Lights chassis and she’s scheduled to make her test stateside in about five weeks time…

Spectali du jour

So did everybody watch the Big race at the Speedway? As it was perhaps “Juan ‘O” the most hilarious events that I’ve made the PAIN Staking effort of sitting thru four and one half hours plus to watch… As I made the mistake of watching the Pre-race follies, which immediately made me reach for the phone and leave Danny B a message of how ABC had already pegged the BARF-OH-METER!!! With the sinister, scary, dramatic theme of “Thar’s A Storm Brewing!” As Danica, Helios, Marky Mark and Graham all try to thread the eye ‘O the needle as “The GREATEST Drivers in North America are now all United!” SHEISA!!! Where in the hell are my Rolaids?

Will Danica Patric win the Indy 500 in only her fourth start? Hi, I’m Brent Mess-Burger and what about Danica! As she’s sweeping the nation… After talking aboot the “Earle’s” Poster children, Mess-Burger segwayed into the two Target boyzs, with NO mention ‘bout Tony Kanaan…

And then FINALLY it was time to hear my good buddy Gomer Pyle sing Backhoed in Indiana once again… As curiously I find this to be the BEST part of the entire pre-race festivities… Back Home Again in Indiana! As I can see the sycamore… Yeah, James Neighbors was back again after his one year hiatus and he sounded a HELL of a lot BETTER then Julie Ann “Recola” Hawk…

And then the drama began, as Sarah Fisher couldn’t get her Honda lump to cooperate… Which kinda summed up her entire month of May, eh? As she finally got the reluctant engine to turn over; musta been ‘dem Diehard batteries and thus we were off!

And as I was trying futilely to get the blinkin Indy Car.com website to open as I’d already had too much of ABC’s drama… I missed the first yellow flag which waived on lap 8 for debris… Which apparently was attributed to Bruno Junqueira’s mirror falling off! And since the crew didn’t have any spares on hand, it would take 14 laps to complete repairs… Yet I seem to recall this same fate happening once before, years ago to perhaps one of ‘Ol Super Tex’s cars?

And Justin “STORK” Wilson wasn’t able to hear his radio telling him Pit-Pit-Pit and thus was forced to stay out with Buddy “Jordache” Rice, with the pair running 1-2 while everybody else headed for the pits, yet meanwhile as le internets failed to cooperate, I returned to luh Telescreen to see Fisher parked sideways in the warm-up lane in some corner as Eddie Under-A-Cheever noted you should never be trying to scrub the tires in a corner… Yet, Eddie did get the comment of the day by calling Scott Goodyear “The Nerd from Kan-a-Duh!”

Then it was time for the next caution as rookie Alex Lloyd grazed the wall and slowed dramatically in front of Graham Rahal causing him to hit the wall… Hmm? What was that about some Storm thingy? As those in RASSCAR land like to say, cautions breed cautions… As my notes seem to bleed together

Where’s Danicker now? Oh one of the tire changers has had trouble with the nuts…

And geez, how ‘bout ‘dat? Although Darren Manning gave Buddy Rice a love tap while leaving the pits, these two guys managed to keep from crashing in pit lane… (Note to Princess)

And spare a thought for AJ “QUATTRO” Foyt IV… that had NOT one, but two fires this month of May, (Queue up the Great Balls ‘O Fire song here!) as suddenly during another yellow flag pit stop, Quattro’s vision of a decent finish went up in flames… As My Name is IRL noted, you’d think perhaps Tony could land some Tabasco sponsorship, eh? Although Foyt IV was ok, adding insult to injury was the fact that he’d need a new helmet as the fire had apparently damaged (melted?)his first crash helmets visor. DAMN! Who forgot the marshmallows for S’mores…

(Young Anthony would be 19 laps in arrears due to the fire… But, I think it would be hilarious if he sported a FLAME job on his helmet for the Milwaukee Mile event…)

Then it was time for Marty “TURTLE” Roth to smack the Safer Barrier… As he likes to traditionally end his races this way, while H. Dancing’ Fool Castro-neeves collected a piece of debris from Roth’s accident and would need a new nose… (Careful, NO Ron Dennis jokes here) At the same time Team Penske would uncharacteristically give Ryan “The Dude” Briscoe too many turns of opposite lock on his front wings… Not allowing him to catch-up to Danica?

Where’s Danicker now? Has she said anything on the radios… What’s that? Her car is SLOW? And she CAN’T pass anybody? That’s a big 10-4 Rubber Ducky…

Yawn… Hey, we haven’t had a caution in a few laps now. Shuh-Zamm! It’s Jamie Carnuba smacking the wall! While fellow South of the Border rookie Mario Morises apparently was having trouble finding the “Majic Rings” that help you get around the Speedway.

And then the leading the race at halfway curse struck again… As Marty “Move over Boyzs, Here comes Danica” Reid noted that ONLY three drivers leading on lap 100 had gone on to win the race, as Tony “Follow your snauz” Kanaan was the hapless victim of an overly aggressive teammate… Spinning out in the marbles and being T-Boned by the unlucky Fisher. As I swear it sounded like Marco was crying when they played the radio transmission of the young Andretti saying” Tell him I’m SORRY!” (To which TK responded; He better be!)

Where’s Danicker now? How’s her hair? Have we played her Who’s your Daddy commercial lately? Yet I broke into great laughter as apparently all of ABC’s Princess Danicker on the Brain caused Brent Mess-Burger to have a “Senior Moment” when he proclaimed after the commercial break that Tony Kanaan had just been taken out by Danica Patrick!

And what’s this? Jeff Simmons has just spun out and tapped the wall during another caution.

And then Tomas Scheckter who’d been leading the Penske’s all day was out with a broken driveshaft, while the other little team that could saw Vitor Meira go from third to first with 40 laps left approximately… If only Princess could have stayed outta The Dude’s way! Yet, the class of the field all day, Scott Dixon who led for 115 laps was superbly serviced by his Ganassi pit crew and beat Meira off of pit lane and would cross the yard of bricks first…

Dixon who was the first New Zealander to win the Pole would also become the first Kiwi to have his face put upon the Borg Warner trophy… As only 19 drivers have won from P1 in the 92 runnings of the Indy 500, but were those the Greatest Drivers or what? As they’d run up a total of 69 laps of yellow for eight cautions, which I believe is the second most in history? Yet, with Dixon’s dominance the whole month of May, the Kiwi would happily collect a record $2.98 million at the awards banquet, which featured a record $14.4m purse, increased 26% over last years payout, with every driver guaranteed a minimum of $270,000.

And isn’t it Hilarious that the leagues two “Biggest Starzs” (Princess ‘N Dancing’ Fool) were both warned about BLOCKING! While even funnier whas the fact that ABC’s big four favourites had mixed results…

Dali-style

Although I cannot say that current Indy Car and former Champ Car driver Oriel Servia has ever topped my list of most liked racecar pilots, nonetheless, I do appreciate his perseverance and devotion to honoring his home country with a Salvador Dali-esce motif on his crash bucket. And who would have known that Servia and Tony Kanaan were way ahead of the curve towards Unification, as the Brazilian driver lent a hand towards Serbia’s development as detailed in; Servia’s long journey from Spain to Indy.

Starting from the inside of Row 9 in 25th place, Servia made Marty Reid shriek twice during the elongated broadcast… Saying he’d almost had two accidents in less than one straightaway… While apparently Helio “blue suede shoes” came over the radio and said “WOAH-WOAH-WOAH!” As Servia was doing some edge trimming… But Oriel managed to keep the car intact and ended up as the highest finishing Champ Car refugee in 11th place, as KV Racing Technology had the best results of the Transition teams, with Servia heading home teammate Will Power, who’d started in the middle of Row 8 (23rd) and finished 13th.

Now I’ve gotta go watch this weekend’s “Monn-Knockoe” GP2 action…

Qualifying's over

Whale! That’s the most Indy “BOOMP DAY” coverage I’ve watched in a long, long, time… Having decided to spend the majority of the day planted in front of the Telescreen… Listening to the sardonic voices of Messer’s Reid, Goodyear and Cheever call the action after listening to the IMS Broadcast’s first hour prior to the television coverage. And on a SUNNY day in the Pacific Northwest no less, as we’re in the midst of a mini HEAT wave…

Apparently I missed the “Shout-out” from the IMS’s Mark James to the small cadre of (Cover your ears, Mr. Olson) Bloggers crooning for Sarah Fisher support… Which would have been cool to hear, so I really shouldn’t give Mr. James too hard of a time, eh? But how ‘bout his prediction of who’d be the hardest pressed to make the big show this year… Recall that James thought that: Jaime Camara, Milka Duno, Mario Moraes and Marty Roth would be the four drivers hardest pressed to qualify, although he almost got the last one correct.

It was nice of “The Deuce” to give Sarah her do, by talking about her and actually showing her qualifying run, albeit one day late, but hey! Better late then never, eh? As Sarah solidly made her way into her seventh Indy 500 by qualifying 22nd, while I found it most ironic that I was rooting for Mario “BOOM BOOM” Dominguez, NOT once, but twice during the last hour of final qualifying… As I must admit, I was pulling for this ex-Champ Car, Err, Transition team to make the race… You know the one that had the audacity to ride skateboards in Gasoline Alley! Before Tony George put out a memo banning skateboarding. As I’m sure we’ll never know all of the personal sacrifices individuals truly persevere thru in order to make the big show. But the $50,000 final qualifier bonus check could have come in handy for the various PCM crew members who maxed-out their credit cards in order to get to Indy.

Interestingly, Phil Giebler was trying to make this year’s Indy 500 in a Panoz chassis, which seems odd after hearing the sentiments of Buddy Lazier’s team owner Ron Hemelgarn, who claimed it would have been a HELL of a lot easier and cost LESS if they’d just purchased a brand new Dallara instead of trying to bring their old car up to date… Which I’m a little unclear on since I thought I caught Jack “BRUTE” Arute telling us that you could no longer run a year old chassis, since the rules changes made it prohibitive?

And according to Mr. Cheever, the hit that Giebler suffered on Saturday would have definitely broken his back 10yrs ago, to which Mr. Goodyear was quick to tell us about the time he’d broken his back… As Giebler would spend the night in Methodist Hospital under observation for a bruised lung, along with a sore neck obtained from whiplash during the violent crash, as Giebler has since been released and team co-owner Eric Zimmerman says the team will acquire a Dallara chassis for Jacques Lazier to race at Texas on June 7th.

So, at the end of the day we had a “Kuh-nuck” making the show, albeit Marty “TURTLE” Roth, (NOT the Thrill from the West Hill) who’s bubble speed of 218.965 was a full 7.4mph SLOWER then Pole sitter Scott Dixon’s 226.366 mph.

Meanwhile, the hard luck story of the month has to go to AJ Foyt IV, who was the very first qualifier today, initially bumping Mr. Roth’s “Tail-gunner Charlie” four lap average. As I thought perhaps initially it was just a cruel way of getting back at Davey Hamilton for being so outspoken about the current Qualifying procedures, when I heard that his Honda engine had gone “KABLAMOE” during practice and the crew wasn’t in any big hurry to replace the lump. Yet, Foyt number Four, who’d previously spun and had a gearbox go south on him during the final minutes of Day 3 qualifying… Was the hapless victim of having the fuel bullock come loose, with flames erupting before slamming into the wall after having finally qualified! As there was apparently some slippery liquids squirted onto his rear right tire. And why in the HELL wasn’t he wearing his balaclava? Will he be fined for this? As he was lucky to get away with just singed hair and neck…

Thus the final 30 minutes of “Happy Hour” centered around Roger Yasukawa, Max Papis and Mario Dominguez, while the Torontan resident Mr. Roth nervously paced the pit lane, biting his nails after having re-bumped his way into the field by knocking out Buddy Lazier’s first qualification time… As Yasukawa was in and then bumped by Dominguez, who in turn was bumped out by Lazier’s stellar run before Dominguez spun into the wall after the team had dialed more wing out and he’d just laid down a speed of 219.7mph with two minutes left to go… Saying he wasn’t gonna lift! As Eddie Cheever declared this time period to be the cruelest in all of Motorsports in N. America, while also noting that hopefully the gun would fire today? As the previous day’s shooter had been unable to make the closing gun fire, yet when asked the night before if he’d be able to get any sleep? Yasukawa explained how Japanese people can sleep standing up, something their akin to doing on subway trains.

And with the wet weather Indianapolis has had, all of the teams were nowhere near using up their allotment of 35 sets of Flinstone rubber for the month, nor would I assume close to the maximum mileage permitted on their Honda engines, thus several drivers took advantage of this by running extended laps, with KV Racing Technology’s Will Power running 114… Which he seemed quite content about while being interviewed and even showed off his snazzy driving boots… Which of course Spike (D. Wheldon) had a quick quip about as he was next in the interviewing queue, as the funniest clip of the day had to be AJ Foyt, the elder’s “Senior moment” as driver Jeff Simmons called it upon seeing the tape for the very first time when ‘Ol Super Tex forgot to waive the green flag for his qualifying attempt. As AJ deadpanned; Oh, was I supposed to waive the flag? I’m sorry! As Simmons said he didn’t know what Foyt was doing as it looked like he was waiving to him as he went by… Thinking perhaps it was Tex’s other driver Darren Manning having just finished his run?

Of course there was also another funny bit about a prank pulled upon Helio Castroneves several years ago, just after he’d won the pole in 2003… As Helio was the victim of a staged traffic stop for reportedly going 40mph in a 30mph zone… And as Castroneves pleaded with the cop, who said I don’t know who you are… It was entertaining to hear Helio trying to bribe his way outta the ticket as the cop said, oh I recognize you sir, and you’re Gil De Ferran, correct? As even Tim Cendric got in the act before they finally showed Helio where the hidden camera was. And that’s a wrap folks, as we now await next Sunday’s running of the Greatest Spectale, which will see three females competing for the second consecutive year…

Final Qualifying Results for the 92nd Indianapolis 500

Ernesto Fan Club

Perhaps this will make Edward Carpenter feel a little better about the $5,000 he donated to his boss Tony for spouting off about one of his new competitors…

School of hard knocks
By Kurt Cabin and Steve Ballard
Posted: May 16, 2008
Indy Star

Dan Wheldon has been where the Indy newcomers are now, and the 2005 race winner can spot at least one who has more to learn about the Speedway.
"The craziest by far is (E.J.) Viso," Wheldon said Thursday. "Dude, he looks nuts. You can tell he hasn't hit the wall yet.
"When he hits the wall, you'll know because (from then on) he'll pull out slowly from the car in front (of him), then move back nicely."
Wheldon speaks from experience. His first 500 ended with his car flipping after a bold passing attempt on Hornish on lap 187.
"In 2003, I came out of the box swinging," he said. "Then you hit the wall and you just start to calm down a little bit."

Playa Del Racing sold

Once again I’ve apparently missed the memo… But since hearing Davey Hamilton comment upon Phil Giebler’s new ride, I’ve been scourin’ the newswires for any related stories…

My first hint came via a tiny news blurb on Brian Barnhart claiming he expected to see some new second week IRL program’s taking part in practice this week at the Speedway;

Speaking after he had confirmed that the second scheduled day of qualifying at the Brickyard was to be abandoned because of rain, Barnhart confirmed that he expected several teams and drivers to embark on limited practice before this weekend's qualifying and 'bump' procedures.“I think, with the 33 that have run so far, there are at least three or four that have scheduled short programmes that begin next Wednesday," he reckoned, "I think you'll probably see a second Foyt car come out. Greg Beck is scheduled to start running, although he hasn't named a driver yet, Hemelgarn will come back with 1996 Indy 500 winner Buddy Lazier, and American Dream Racing has talked about doing a programme as well. So, I think you might see us up around 37 combinations by the end of next weekend.”
(Source: Crash.net)

So, with that tiny speck of news in hand, I searched for whomever this new American Dream outfit was and have indeed come upon the following tidbit:

“Majority ownership of Playa Del Racing has been purchased by former Indiana Boxing Commissioner William T. Kelsey and Arizona businessman Eric Zimmerman and will be known as American Dream Motorsports.”

Thus it appears that the former Playa Del Racing Indy Car team will now have 2007 Indy 500 Rookie of the Year driver Phil Giebler attempt to qualify the #21 entry this upcoming weekend…

Pole Day highlights

Whale, the weather seems to be finally cooperating in Speedway, Indiana, as we’re treated to the “electrifying” Pole Day festiva… As the fastest eleven drivers will lock-in their positions by 6PM Eastern Time today, as we’ve already had 5 cars “BOOMPED” outta the field, I mean isn’t this exciting?

Speaking of Festiva’s, as Y’all may already know? We had three, count ‘em three incidences at the track on “Freaky Friday,” with Rookie Alex Lloyd’s being the most serious on track as he’s still complaining of neck pain after walloping the wall in Turn 1 and will now apparently sit out the first weekend.

Mario “BOOM BOOM” Dominguez tapped the wall with his nosecone, but the most frightening incident occurred when Danica Patrick accidentally struck Chuck Buckman, an errant Dale Coyne crew member who apparently wasn’t paying attention while chatting with fellow AGR members. Ironically Buckman whose 63yr’s old was sent skywards, when Danica’s front wing clipped him, before Buckman landed on his head, receiving a concussion along with facial and scalp lacerations. The good news is that the three aforementioned are all relatively uninjured, although Buckman has a minor broken bone in his skull according to Dale Coyne who was interviewed on Pit lane during today’s festivities…

And kudos to My Name is IRL for catching the lead story of the morning, albeit at 7AM out here on the Left Coast, as indeed John Andretti has found himself as Jay Howard’s replacement at the Speedway this morning… As apparently NOT one, but two top Engineers had LEFT the Roth Racing establishment and Marty “Clean Shorts” Roth was keen to have somebody with “Experience” to lean on this Month of May as the journeyman Andretti has eight previous starts at Indy…

HMM? Why does this make me think of the other Andretti in the field? As I repeatedly tried to tune into the IMS Radio Network broadcast at the appropriate time this morning, the BLEEPIN’ win-dOUGhs Media Player said back to me the Broadcast has NOT Started, please check back at the appropriate time… But it is the RIGHT FRILLIN’ time you BOZOS!!!

And thus I was forced to turn on the Telescreen and listen to a somber Eddie “Under-Uh-Chiever” Cheever play along with Marty “Move over Boyzs” Reid and Mr. Goodyear… And so you’re thinkin’ what’s the FRILLIN’ point, eh?

Well we were graced with an interview after Marco finished his qualifying run which was 4mph off of his morning practice run which topped the time sheets at 228+ mph… So, it’s pretty amazing that you can gain 4mph off of a TOW around the Brickyard! And after his interview we got to see the young Marco resplendent in his Indiana Jones “Temple ‘O Zoom” costume, Err Driving suit… And thus I wondered if perhaps John had borrowed cousin Marco’s bull whip to take over Jay Howard’s seat?

And after Edwardo Carpentier ran his John Menard’s-ville Special RAGGID, apparently up in the grey stuff, as I’ve been ponderin’ sending the following question to ‘Ol Robin Miller’s mailbag;

While I think I know the difference between David Hobbs use of Desert Klag vs. “Regular” Klag… Is Klag just the European version of Marbles?

Since apparently Carpenter was making IMS colour commentator back-up “JP” (Johnny Parsons Jr) quite nervous getting so close to the Safer Barrier… As yeah, by now I couldn’t stand the COMMERCIAL-FEST on the Deuce and had switched back on le internets in hopes of getting less Advertising KLAG!!!

So, it was entertaining to hear Edwardo laugh while he was being interviewed, as he explained that “Juan ‘O” the Kevin Brothers; “K.O.” (Kevin Olson, Kevin Lee) was holding up a sheet ‘O papers of what NOT to say on-air…

NO F-BOMBS!
NO Swearing in Portuguese, Venezuelan or Brazilian
NO mentioning of Princess Danicker’s fuel mileage victory
NO F-BOMBS!
NO saying Helioe’s a lousy dancer
DON’T call EJ Viso a Swarmy Bastardo
NO F-BOMBS!
NO Profanity
And lastly, NO F-BOMBS!

And Thank Goodness that Mr. Whitening Stripes, a.k.a. Dan “SPIKE” Wheldon knocked Danica off of the provisional pole… Or, Oh My God! We’d NEVER hear the end of Princess Danicker’s Greatness, eh? As I’m personally rooting for Sarah Fisher this May, as she’s the ONLY female trying to make the field the hard way… NOT having bought her way into the ride or being given top notch equipment as she struggles to get her own brand new team off the ground so to speak, while her intended primary sponsor hasn’t cut her a check yet…

Yet having gone away from the Telescreen and the IMS Radio portion finished, I missed the mid-day drama as Ryan Briscoe went out and bumped Danny-boy off of the provisional pole, only to be in turn bumped off the pole by eventual Pole Winner Scott Dixon around 3:30PM (EST)

Then Marco withdrew his first qualifying time of P8 in order to take another krack at it… Yet was only able to improve one position, moving up to seventh around 4:30PM. Yet Marco’s move seemed to start the queuing up for Happy Hour as next up was Marco’s Rookie teammate Hideki Mutoh.

Mutoh was the victim of one of the strangest Disqualifications I’ve ever heard of, after having qualified 10th this morning, he was DQ’ed after post qualifying inspection revealed that the team had erroneously left off the dummy camera weight all Non-camera carrying cars are required to carry. This dummy weight is 3.5lbs and Mutoh’s car was underweight by this exact amount, Crikeys…

Happy Hour definitely lived up to its reputation this year… As there was an extreme amount of cars playing the Tech line shuffle, with Mutoh making the first move as he bumped Graham Rahal from the 11th grid spot, putting Tomas Scheckter on the bubble. With 19+ minutes left, Target Chip Ganassi withdrew Dan “Nice Teeth” Wheldon’s time, who was currently lying third overall in an attempt to knock his Kiwi teammate off the pole, but Danny-boy came up just short, thus moving up one position to second and demoting Briscoe to the outside of Row 1.

Next, Scheckter’s time was withdrawn and he ended up going .3.mph slower, but still managed to stay in P11, while many of the cars in the Tech line were withdrawn, Rahal, Power and Wilson all took one last shot at Scheckter, but nobody made it as the six ‘O clock gun was fired…

)Driver’s participating in the Tech line roulette: Mutoh; Hunter-Reay; Rahal; Meira; Wheldon; Scheckter; Power; Carpenter; Dixon; Wilson; Hamilton; Viso; Junqueira and Servia)


DAY ONE (Positions 1-11)

ROW 1
Pole: Scott Dixon
Ganassi
226.366mph

2. Dan Wheldon
Ganassi
226.110

3. Ryan Briscoe
Penske
226.080


ROW 2
4. Helio Castroneves
Penske
225.733

5. Danica Patrick
Andretti-Green
225.197

6. Tony Kanaan
Andretti-Green
224.799


ROW 3
7. ) Marco Andretti
Andretti-Green
224.417

8. Vitor Meira
Panther
224.346

9. R-Hideki Mutoh
Andretti-Green
223.887

ROW 4
10. Ed Carpenter
Vision
223.835

11. Tomas Scheckter
Luczo Dragon
223.496

Wipeout!

Whuh-whuh-whuhh-whuhh-whuhh-Wuhh WHIPEOUT!!!

ALL I can say is watch your ears… As my Eddie Carpentier F-BOMB’s a comin’ F%%K YOU ESPN2!!!

Note to Marty Reid, I think the Indy Car World Series wave has CRASHED… As the “Red Headed Step-child ‘O Motorsports has gotten the SHAFT two race weekends in a row…

As previously mentioned during the Motegi Twin Rings ‘O Venus elongated television coverage, having sat thru 130 minutes of Stork sightings and then having the next days airing on the most DESPISED Broadcast channel I noted;

And even better yet, if you wish to win over us Champ Car diehards… Then don’t put the FRILLIN’ Delayed race coverage on ESPN Classic… Cause many households DON’T have access to that channel…

Thus imagine my DISGUST when sitting down to watch HA-HA! The Roadrunner 300 as there was FRILLING Women’s Golf beaming back at me… As Son ‘O a Bitch! I think the networks are taking this Danicker Patrick LUV-FEST just a little too far… I mean what the HELL! Baiting us with promises of watching the Princess do battle on the high banks of Kansas Speedway and FORCING us to watch a bunch ‘O Women playing “Wackem-mobile” instead… SHEISA!

According to ESPN’s statistics, 63 million households have the iconic Classic channel, by which my math suggests is roughly one-fifth or 20% of the current U.S. population… So, if Indy Car is trying to reel-in new non-gearhead spectators, you’d better get a grip upon your Broadcasting partner…

As I decided to BOYCOTT watching the DELAYED TV Coverage, instead settling for the IMS Radio Broadcast via le internets, but I digress…

Hopefully this years Indy 500 will be a HELLA-LOT BETTER then the three ring Circus carnival held at Kansas… Because if this is the peenacle of Open Wheel Racing, then: Tony, we’ve got a Problem!

Here’s a quick lowdown of race highlights’;

Enrique “Half Gainer” Bernoldi performs his version of Danny Sullivan’s Spin ‘N Win with a solo 360 degree pirouette on lap one.

Marty Roth tries spearing a Luczo Dragon Racing pit worker while sliding into home base, err, his pit box. Which earns the Kuh-Nuck a Stop ‘N Go penalty, while dropping Tomas Scheckter to the rear of the field.

Apparently Mr. Roth was so shaken by the whole episode that he almost collected seven cars when returning to the race track at reduced speed before deciding to pull in and park his car for the day in order to change his shorts!

Milka Duno spins all by herself while departing pit lane.

EJ Viso spins out Tomas Scheckter, which ends the Southern Afrikaner’s 2008 race debut.

Vitor Meira retires once again after having struck a wayward tire during routine HA-HA! Pit stops, as ironically the tire came off of Jay Howard’s car and thus the Roth Racing driver earned a black flag.

Next , EJ “DON’T call me Ernesto” Viso was caught by the crack colour commentator Davey Hamilton throwing a series of blocking moves upon Edward Carpenter, while Dan-Dan-Danicher was displaying her bareback ridin’ skills by visiting the marbles up towards the Safer barrier, before falling fowl to a bizarre race retirement due to broken studs… Err, a broken wheel hub failure.

Next, while Buddy Rice was busy punching the sidepod of his Dallara and doing a half hearted Robby “DIRTMAN” Gourdoun steering wheel toss… Having missed ALL of the on-track competitors still standing… We’re treated to a 19 lap yellow flag caution period to clean the remainder of Rice’s Black ‘N Blue chassis.

And while all of that was going on, EJ Viso was busy pulling into the WRONG pit stall, which just happened to belong to Ed Carpenter who was in the act of pitting! And thus had to overshoot his pit stall and wait to be pulled back before getting nailed for being on pit lane when the yellow flag was thrown. Of which also caused race leader Scott Dixon to get pimped by the caution after having led the first 150+ laps… Dropping to seventh place, thus Dan “SPIKE” Wheldon claimed his very first victory in one year, having last won at Kansas in 2007, followed across the line by Tony “Follow your Snauz” Kanaan, while Scott Dixon rebounded to take the last podium step prior to the Month ‘O May.

And that F-BOMB I eluded to? I could SWEAR I heard Eddie Carpentier say the magic word FUCK while being interviewed immediately after the race about Ernesto is dis Juan mezs pit stall?

Danicker on the trot?

While there are apparently rumours making the rounds stateside that Rubens Barrichello could be part of a Honda F1 driver swap in 2009 for the services of Marco Andretti… This seems a bit cockeyed to me at the moment as the past two races has seen the Andretti namesake apologize two weekend’s in a row for “Rookie” mistakes. First having snapped a half shaft at St Pete in a hurry to leave the pits and then clouting the Safer barrier in Motegi on lap one on cold tires all by himself…

No, me thinks that instead Honda will seek the services of one media darling, a.k.a. Princess Danicker… As rumours suggest that Emperor Bernardo is keen to cash in on her good looks, in hopes she’ll become the first woman to succeed in Formula 1…

But seriously folks, although the other top teams, i.e.; Penske, Ganassi, Newman/Haas, Pat Patrick, Rahal, etc have all played the fuel mileage game at one time or another to achieve a win based solely on petrol conservation…

Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen wants to know; Would Danica have gotten her top notch ride if she was UGLY?

And I’d like to know how come other MORE Accomplished Females such as Katherine Legge and Sarah Fisher have NEVER gotten a proper chance aboard competitive machinery? As Motegi was Princess Danicher’s first victory since claiming the 2002 Toyota Celebrity Challenge in Long Beach. Enough said, eh?

And YES! I do know that a win is a win is a win… And therefore for those of you who just wanna know more about Danicker, you can read this “Be still my beating heart” story ‘bout Patrick’s rise to the top of motor racing as retold on the Late Night Show; On Letterman, is it Danica or Danicker?

Singing in the Streets of St Pete

I found it a bit surprising that I chose to watch the Indy Car race ahead of the Formula 1 race, being an F1 Diehard… but, I was more intrigued to see if the Champ Car boyzs could kick some tail over the IRL veterans… OOPS! I keep forgetting it’s the “Unity Carzs” series now and we’re all one big happy family…

And my apologies to the IMS radio crew as Marty (My hero’s named Tiger) Reid explained how the driver Ernesto told them he wanted to be called EJ, which seems a bit silly to me. I mean isn’t that who referee’s between Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith on TNT’s Basketball show? Or is he worried that Ernesto will be shortened to Ernie, as in Bert “N Ernie… Or that the tag EJ will make us think of that plucky Irishman better known as Eddie Jordan? But I digress…

Ah, it looked like it was gonna be a REAL Street race, I mean those cats were gonna have to run in the rain… Which they never do on an Oval, eh? And by jeez, there was even a fair amount of passing during the days spin-dry induced festivities, which saw several drivers practicing their victory doughnuts prior to getting to the chequered flag… (And look everyone, NOT even a single peep ‘bout the Princess’s multiple pirouettes…)

Yet the wet conditions caught several drivers out even after they’d gone several laps behind the pace car trying to dissipate the standing water at the end of the circuit. (Turns 11-14) as Brian “Huff ‘N Puff” Barnhart chatted with TK and Helioe over their in-car radios…

And wasn’t it funny seeing Brienne Pedigo standing in-between Justin Wilson and Will Power as Justin towered over both of them… Which was funny to hear David Hobbs comment on how in the earth did Justin ever squeeze into a F1 chassis, upon commenting on how Robert Kubica is fairly tall along with the Kimster and Mark “Shrimp on the Barbie” Webber… As Justin had a brief go in Formula 1 for Paul Stoddart’s under funded minnow Minardi before briefly driving alongside Webber at Jaguar…

Thus, talk about your poor segways… As the race encountered the first of it’s record six yellow flags, when none other than Justin “Buckshot” Wilson took over the lead by not pitting and thus became the very first “Transition” driver to lead a lap of the Indy Car World Series. Although I’m assuming Justin’s race strategy went out of the window due to his pit stop timing plus changing weather conditions…

As the mad gamble of who’d roll the dice first to switch over to slicks on a drying racetrack, made the race highly entertaining, as the front five was a cast of non-regulars, as EJ; You can call me Ray, Jay, Bob, but just don’t call me Ernesto… Led his teammate Enrique “Suave” Bernoldi, followed by Vitor Meira , Ryan Hunter-Reay and Jay Howard, as Scott Goodyear quickly quipped; “When had you ever seen a Marty Roth vehicle running that high before?”

And speaking of Mr. Goodyear, I found it funny to hear him taking a swipe at Darren Manning, who’d gotten the AJ “Flinstone’s SUCK! Foyt entry as high as fourth place, claiming that perhaps Darren should take a break from the golf links as he’s never letting his hands rest and was driving with bruised thumbs after loosing a fourth place finish last year at St Pete due to blistered hands… While Super Tex reported all he could hear that BLOODY Brit sayin’ over the radio was “I’ve got blisters on my fingers.”

With stealth-like race strategy, as the #06 had worked it’s way steadily forward, we were suddenly cast with the un-official IMS chief Jack Arute shadowing Bobby Rahal who’d earlier confessed to being conflicted over who’d he’d rather see in victory lane, his son or his team car as suddenly young Graham was leading the pack with Hunter-Reay nipping at his heals in second place…

And very impressively, the 19yr old pulled away from the entire pack, pulling out a lead of almost five seconds over Team Penske’s lone remaining charge; Mr. Blue Suede Shoes, who’d worked his way past the slowing Hunter-Reay, who ironically was having to conserve his remaining cargo of Ethanol… Before another yellow flag came out, as apparently Townsend Bell had forgotten what double waving yellow flags mean, as he mounted the somewhat hapless Meira.

Yet, with just a few laps remaining, Rahal 2.0 pulled away easily from Castromeves, to take a most impressive debut Indy Car race win. Apparently Newman Haas Lanigan took a page out of Paul “Chrome Horn” Tracy’s Cleveland playbook, after young Messer Rahal spun out early in the race to come back and claim victory in his very first Indy Car start… The only thing different was that Graham didn’t hit anybody enroute to winning, becoming the youngest ever winner in the Indy Racing League, beating Marco Andretti for the honours. Rahal also joined a very exclusive club of first time victors, as this list now has just four names on it; Buzz Calkins, inaugural IRL event in 1996. Juan Pablo Montoya, 2000 Indy 500 and Scott Dixon at Homestead in 2003.

And as glad as I was to have somebody other than the “Earle’s” big three; Penske, TCGR and Andretti Green win… Having broken the string of 37 straight victories by that trio, I’m still waiting to see somebody else besides Newman Haas Lanagin be the “Juan’s” to do so, ACK! To think I’d like to see Kevin “Boss Hawg” Kalkhoven’s squad join the fray… Nah, how ‘bout either the Conquest or HVM teams upsetting the apple cart? Yeah, I know it all comes down to those dreaded greenbacks…

As for the overly astute Marty Reid’s comments towards the Tiger Woods victory lane hug-fest… All I can say is FOUR!

Race Results

St Pete Street party

Whale I didn’t expect Indy Car qualifying to start so DAMN early (7:45AM) out here on the Left coast… But I did manage to pull up the internets broadcast just-in-time to catch the very tail end of Qualifying group one… As the second session was momentarily delayed to remove Marty Roth’s damaged vehicle from the tire wall, as Andretti Green Racing’s Hideki Mutoh, was only a few 100’s of a second away from moving forward, having been bumped by Franck Perera.

Thus I was able to catch the entire Qualifying group two which found me a bit annoyed as Justin Wilson had his fastest lap taken away for supposedly causing a full course yellow flag when Ernesto Viso spun out behind him… Note to IMS broadcast boyzs… His name is Ernesto NOT EJ! C’mon I know uze guys can pronounce Ernesto, it’s NOT that difficult, eh?

So as the session when back to green we were forced to listen to an overly nauseous kiss-ARSE interview with Terry Englehart about how happy IRL was to have Coke and Direct TV onboard… But I DON’T care; well at least he mentioned that Indy Car hoped to have the 2009 race calendar published to the public by this June… But hey, just tell us who’s doing what out on the track… As Oriel Servia was pipped on the final lap by Helioe “Dancing Fool” Castroneves by 5/100th of a second to move into the Flintstone Fast Six pole competition, as Servia would be forced to settle for starting seventh overall.

But wait, there’s NO Target Chip Ganassi cars? HMM? Scotty “Luke” Dixon was an unbelievable 13th, not even having made the top twelve shoot-out, with Dan “Spike” Wheldon winding up in P8, with Graham Rahal and Perera behind him.

Oh yeah, before the final knock-out Qualifying session it was time for the Princess Pout. Err, the Danica Stomp as we were forced to endure an overly LONG sniveling interview with Danica who got her ARSE kicked in Qualifying today as all I could do was make a series of Whhaaaaaaaaa……….. Noises while she tried to not sound overly disappointed about her lack of speed! Give it up Danica… Who’ll roll off tomorrow in P19, as the announcers said there’s only two AGR cars in the top twelve. (Kanaan; Pole, Marco Andretti; 12th) I mean HELL! Even ERNESTO Viso and Enrique Bernoldi out qualified the Princess…

And I was really hoping for a Justin Wilson – Will Power front row for race day, but alas, it wasn’t to be… As apparently TK was re-invigorated from having to take a 30 minute nap the other day as Brian Braveheart was Really-Really-Really upset with Kanann for not paying attention to his radio at Homestead… As Tony (Follow your Snauz) Kanaan said he was exhausted and had to sweat to capture the pole position.

But the most impressive driver of the top six shoot-out had to be Ryan Hunter-Reay in the Booby Ruble machine, eh? As although Will Power had the fastest lap time of the day overall, it didn’t matter since it had come prior to final qualifying… And thus the Aussie had to settle for the outside of the front row in P2 with Buckshot Wilson’s Mic-Dougal’s car in P3 ahead of Helio, while teammate Ryan Briscoe will roll off fifth with Hunter-Reay alongside in sixth… And looking at the results, obviously Junky had a problem as he clipped the barriers twice, damaging his suspension once prior to qualifying…

Should be a good race tomorrow.

Honda Grand Prix of St. Petersburg
IndyCar Series event on the 1.8-mile Streets of St. Petersburg, with starting position, car number in parentheses, driver, chassis-engine and speed:

1. (11) Tony Kanaan, Dallara-Honda, 103.627 mph

Champ Car “Transition” Refugees
2. (8) Will Power, Dallara-Honda, 103.499mph
3. (02) Justin Wilson, Dallara-Honda, 103.444
7. (5) Oriol Servia, Dallara-Honda, 103.279
9. (06) Graham Rahal, Dallara-Honda, 103.165
10. (34) Franck Perera, Dallara-Honda, 103.062
15. (33) Ernesto Viso, Dallara-Honda, 102.359
18. (36) Enrique Bernoldi, Dallara-Honda, 102.117
22. (19) Mario Moraes, Dallara-Honda, 100.999
26. (18) Bruno Junqueira, Dallara-Honda, 93.392

Champ Car funeral

As I’ve already mentioned, NOT all of the Stars made the jump over to the newly minted Indy Car World Series, as Tony George’s wrecking ball is now firmly delivering the final knock-out blows to the CCWS HQ in neighboring Northern Indianapolis as we speak.

And most of us are aware that not all of the previous Champ Car teams made the switch, with Forsythe Petitt Racing pulling a Rope a Dope on PT, Derrick Walker and Craig Gore going mano E mano, Paul Stoddart skipping the country and Pacific Coast Motorsports and Rocketsports being MIA.

But are you aware that Champ Car World Series has quietly filed for Chapter Eleven bankruptcy which was approved just twenty-four hours prior to Homestead qualifying. The move was made to ensure CCWS’s doors remained opened thru the final running of the Bulls, Err, Panoz’s in Long Beach, while George ‘N Co. are busy dining on Sushi in Motegi, Japan.

Interestingly, these proceedings have revealed that Tony George’s family owned company; Hulman & Co. shilled out $10 million to acquire CCWS’s Intellectual Property Rights, their mobile emergency hospital trailer and making the Four Mousketeer’s sign a No-compete clause.

Yet the funniest part is giving Gerald Forsythe and Kevin Kalkhoven consultancy roles and paying them each $2m apiece… (That’s two thirds of what the ENTIRE CCWS operation was valued at!)

Yet, while the legal documents claim that Champ Car has assets ranging in value between 10 to 50 million dollars total, the listing of creditors should make one’s cranium even more confused as the largest noted creditor is Cosworth at $1.38m, while PKV Racing is owed $645,883 and Forsythe Championship Racing is owed $327,961.

Yet as we all know, Cosworth Engineering was purchased by Kalkhoven and Forsythe along with the two teams named being assets of the former CCWS majority co-owners. Thus is this some form of creative cooking the books in order for Kevin and Gerry to write off a mere pittance of the millions they dumped into Champ Car the previous five seasons?

“The creditors are due to meet on the day after the event (Long Beach) and all assets will then be sold off and whatever debts can be paid will be paid.”

All the Stars?

Ok, I realize it’s just one race and that we’ll probably spend a large portion of the upcoming season debating the ex-Champ Car team’s struggling to come to grips with their new environs… But I have a major problem with the IRL’s new punch-line. (Careful buddy, you better not say those words around some ‘Ol coot named AJ, eh?)

Although I know he’s in the twilight of his Open Wheel Racing career… You simply CANNOT say you’ve got ALL the Stars without CCWS’s biggest (mouth) name Paul “Chrome Horn” Tracy who’s currently ice fishing Up North, eh? Not to mention the talented “Bad Bobby D” (Robert Doornbos) and “TAG: (Alex Tagliani) nowhere in sight… Nor the LOSS of Simon Pagenaud, Jan “Van Hagar” Heylend and Derrick Walker!

Nevertheless, let’s take a quick look at who’s made the transition to the Indy Car World Series, as well as the entire “Rookie” class of 2009, since I’ve not heard of some of these new up ‘N comers.

Interestingly, the Champ Car refugees did exactly what was predicted of them, as they all qualified in the same zip code; mid-pack from 13th to 21st, being split only by the perky Milka Duno!


Two New Veterans

Team/Car No./Driver/Starting position/4 lap Avg.)
Dale Coyne Racing

18 Bruno Junqueira (20; 207.434mph)

Although most of us have heard of Bruno “Whiney Bags” Junqueira, it’s somewhat sad how far down the ladder “Junky” has slipped. Having originally begun in CART alongside Nicolas Minassian as The Cheepster’s compensation for letting Juan Pablo Montoya transfer to Williams Grand Prix in 2001, while Bruno having missed out on a Williams F1 drive to Jenson Button in 2000 rebounded by winning that season’s F3000 International championship, (forerunner of GP2) Junqueira then transferred to Target Chip Ganassi Racing and scored his maiden CART victory in his 14th start. Bruno’s rookie campaign was far more successful than his rookie teammates Nicolas Minassian… (Does anybody remember him?) As Minassian was sacked in favour of Memo Gidley who scored his career best second place finish that season before being dumped from the team.

With Ganassi bolting to the IRL in 2003, Junqueira moved to Newman/Haas Racing where he continued his streak of finishing as the Bridesmaid to the Hamburgular. (2002-03-04) enroute to scoring eight career victories,

After breaking his back at Indianapolis in 2005, Junky was subsequently forced to seek refuge at the underfinanced Dale Coyne Racing upon being replaced by Graham Rahal. Ironically, Bruno’s now one of the seriees veterans on the grid, being part of the trio of drivers remaining from the pre-Unification era. (Servia, Tracy) due to his, ahem… massive Oval track experience. Recall that Whiney Bags captured the 2002 Indy 500 pole and has a total of four starts at the Brickyard…

Yet unfortunately Bruno was completely off the pace the entire weekend at Homestead and opted to park the Z Line Designs car before colliding with the retaining wall, classified 23rd, +160 laps.


KV Racing Technology

5 Oriel Servia (14; 209.021)

Potentially the second most powerful ex-CCWS operation to join the Indy Car ranks, with Kevin “Smiley Face” Kalkhoven funding the way, while co-owner Jimmy Vasser does the majority of the talking.

Oriel Servia has always been fast, just never able to stay at one team for longer than one season. Yet, his best results came in 2005 as Junqueira’s replacement at Newman/Haas Racing, finishing runner-up to Bourdais along with winning his only Champ Car race at Montreal.

And while his lesser experienced teammate was busy tangling with Justin Wilson, Servia simply kept his nose clean and came home in 12th, +5 laps, the highest placed finisher of the eight Champ Car refugees.


2009 Rookie class

Team/Car No./Driver/Starting position/4 lap Avg.)
Andretti Green Racing
27 Hideki Mutoh (7; 210.508mph)

This 25yr old native of Tokyo, Japan has had some varying success in the lower ranks of Open Wheel Racing, albeit in Japan and Europe. Mutoh, like many drivers began his career in the ranks of karting, quickly ascending to the Honda Formula Dream program before moving to Europe to race in Formula Vauxhall along with taking part in the Formula Ford Festival twice, with a best result of third place in 2001.

Returning to Japan, Mutoh took part in Asian Formula 2000 and Formula Dream, ultimately winning the latter in his second season. (2002) He then took part in Formula 3 the following season with a best result of third place in F3 in 2004.

Next, he contested Formula Nippon and Super GT in 2006 prior to moving to the Indy Pro Series in 2007 where he scored two wins enroute to being the series runner-up prior to his Indy Car debut for Super Aguri Panther Racing at the season finale at Chicagoland where he finished an impressive 8th.

Obviously being Japanese and Honda’s desire to see a homegrown talent succeed in its Open Wheel Racing powered series, helped Hideki land the vacated seat of reigning Indy 500 and IRL Champion Dario Franchitti at Andretti Green when the Scotsman decided to depart for RASSCAR. Yet, such championship winning machinery most likely comes with a great burden for the young Japanese driver to perform. And although Mutoh was the highest placed rookie, starting 8th, (One grid position ahead of Marty Roth) he had a most auspicious race outing, overshooting his pit stall and ultimately finishing 24th, +168 laps. (32 laps down to race winner Dixon)


Conquest Racing

34 Frank Perera (13; 209.230)
36 Enrique Bernoldi (17; 208.130)

Frank Perera cut his racing teeth in the Champ Car Atlantics last season finishing runner-up to series champion Rafael Matos with three wins. Prior to his Atlantics campaign, Perera competed in the European GP2 series, the final stepping stone prior to Formula 1. Perera was the highest starting CCWS rookie and highest finishing rookie overall, coming home 14th, +6 laps in his very first Oval race.

Enrique Bernoldi’s name is familiar to me, since he was the driver that caused Deeter Majestic to pull his Red Bull sponsorship from Peter Sauber’s Formula 1 team, as Sauber was in favour of a young Finn by the name of Kimi Raikkonen!

Bernoldi seemed to be outperformed the entire weekend by his lesser experienced teammate and finished 18th, +51 laps.


Dale Coyne Racing

19 R-Mario Moraes (21; 207.067)

Mario Moraes is an unknown name to me, as he’ll be part of the nine driver Indy Car rookie class this season instead of the two the IRL had last year, with some chick named Milka as one of them alongside Phil Giebler, who was Robin Miller’s feel good story of his On The Bubble video series.

Moraes comes from Brazil and his most notable racing accomplishment to date is splitting the Brothers Mansell in European Formula 3 racing, who finished 10th and 17th and will now soldier on in the Atlantics championship underneath the tutelage of the currently under fire Derrick Walker.

Thus while it appears that Mario is set to continue the tradition of ride buying in the Indy Racing League, he quietly went about his business, becoming the very first car lapped at Homestead, but finishing in 16th, +13 laps, only six laps behind CCWS star Justin Wilson.

Yet although Moraes was somewhat slower then his veteran teammate, he nevertheless managed to complete his very first Oval track outing, with a very respectable finish.


HVM Racing

(Hola Viva Mexico)
33 Ernesto Viso (18; 208.101)

Ernesto Viso is another of the unknown flock of racing drivers joining the Indy Car parade, joining fellow Venezuelan Milka Duno in Indy Car this season, along with providing much needed funding to the scrambling Keith Wiggins, who’s previous partner Paul Stoddart, former Minardi F1 team boss has bolted back to Europe instead of making the jump to Tony’s unified racing series.

Viso has contested the GP2 series the past three seasons (2005-07) as well as a brief stint as a paying Spyker F1 Racing Friday third driver in 2006 and although he was having a fairly quiet race, Viso made the headlines upon spinning into the wall and collecting race leader Tony Kanaan in the final laps of the event, being classified 17th, +17 laps.


KV Racing Technology

8 Will Power (19; 208.029)

The likeable Aussie Will Power comes to KVRT on somewhat heavily disputed circumstances as part of the current rift between Derrick Walker and Craig Gore.

Yet, Power is one of the rising stars in the series, having been one of the few drivers to actually challenge the dreaded Hamburgular last season, while taking his first two career victories. If the team can continue its forward march towards putting all of the pieces together, they could form a future championship threat. Unfortunately the Aussie had a collision with fellow ex-CCWS driver Justin Wilson in the early stages of the race which caused him to retire from the event, being classified last in 25th, +176 laps, Accident.


Newman/Haas/Lanigan Racing

02 Justin Wilson (15; 208.757)

06 Graham Rahal (Withdrawn)

Carl Haas and PL Newman’s long running championship operation undoubtedly has the most potential of the transitioning ex-Champ Car World Series racing teams to give the IRL Big Boyzs a run for their money in the near term future, as N/H/L is only the second team in history to achieve 100 career victories, enroute to eight CART/CCWS Championships.

New recruit Justin Wilson finished runner-up to Sea Bass the past two seasons, scoring three career victories along the way and was Bourdais’s biggest championship rival. Although Wilson has five career Oval starts to his credit, he’ll struggle initially to get up to pace on the Ovals along with having to overcome being the tallest driver on the grid!

Having started alongside Milka Duno, Wilson bumped wheels with Will Power and quietly made his way home in 15th, +7 laps after having to stop for a cut down tire during his incident with Power.

Yet, I’m not too sure what to say about “Booby Ruble’s” son Graham, who’s introduction to Oval’s got off to a rocky start with the team withdrawing his entry from Homestead after his pre-season testing crash damaged the team’s only race car significantly.

Yet the 19yr old Open Wheel superstar did finished runner-up to departed Champ Car driver Simon Pagenaud, whom won the Champ Car Atlantics crown two years ago. Rahal then graduated to the top dawg’s at the tender age of 18, foregoing his High School graduation party in order to go Champ Car racing instead!

Of course everybody’s hoping that something can be made out of a Marco Andretti-Rahal 2.0 feud, a la the good ‘Ol dazes of CART’s ‘lil Al (Al Unser Jr) vs. Mikey )Michael Andretti_ heydays...

As far as I can tell? The only visible knock on the team is the POOR choice of car numbers along with Mic Dougal’s sponsoring a BLOODY BRIT! Yeah, it must be some sort of contractual thingy, eh?


Roth Racing
24 R-Jay Howard (23; No Time)

Unfortunately I know very little about this Englishman, who has been fairly successful carving his way up the motor racing ladder, prior to ultimately landing a ride at the unknown Roth Racing operation.

Like many English drivers, Jay cut his teeth in Formula Ford and then went on to win the Formula Renault title in 2003. I believe he contested the Toyota Atlantics championship and ultimately going on to win the US Formula Ford Zytec championship in 2005 before capturing the 2006 Indy Pro Series title for Sam Schmidt Motorsports. Having changed teams the following season, Jay suddenly found himself without a serious ride in 2007 after just three events. Jay then sat out the remainder of the season prior to getting the call from perennial back marker Marty “Turtle” Roth this past November, inviting him to join his fledgling Indy Car operation.

Unfortunately Jay crashed heavily in Homestead qualifying and injured his knee, yet somehow the team managed to rebuild the chassis in time for the first race of the season in which the team had a horrific outing with the results simply stating that Team Boss Marty Roth finished in 21st, +147 laps (Behind the leader) with Howard placing 22nd, +150 laps…

Homestead

So that was a pretty entertaining start to the inaugural Indy Car World Series racing season, this past Saturday night, eh? As the past weekend kinda reminded me of another SORRID era in Open Wheel Racing…

The year was 2002 and I recall being SOO……. DAMN Excited as I’d finally taken the plunge and bought a DISH Network satellite system after I’d spent the previous two years fighting with our STUPID Property Mgmt Co. As they were UNWILLING to help entice their preferred $ingle source TV provider (Castle Cable) ADD the Speed Channel to their PATHETIC line-up. Yep, Equity Corp. based in Chicago was unwilling to get onto the blower to have this ‘lil “Mom ‘N Pop” Santa Clara, CA based outfit step up to the plate… And now thankfully? We have Comca$t cable, but I digress…

As I mentioned, the year was 2002, in what would be the final season of CART and I was ecstatic, as I sat gleefully laughing at my TV set as I was just dumbstruck that I was actually able to watch the Speed Channel after two years of NO SPEED… Which was at that time broadcasting live coverage of final Qualifying. As the bright red “Targe-Jey” Reynard/Toyota of Kenny Brack flashed across the telescreen…

Ah, those were the Good ‘Ol Dazes! Does anybody remember when SPEED actually covered Open Wheel Racing Qualifying sessions live… And not that KRAPY pre-packaged 30 minute filler they forced us to endure during the later stages of Champ Cars pathetic TV coverage.

So, like I used to be able to do via the internets… For Champ Car qualifying, before somebody pulled the plug! I sat down and listened to the Indy Car qualifying at Homestead this past Friday, which was really fun to do, since it was live with Mark James & Davey Hamilton with NO commercial breaks… Followed up immediately by the Flinstone Indy Lites Q-Session, which featured; Arie Luyendyk 2.0, Just Al, Err Al Unser the 43rd, Rafael Matos and some kid named Danny Bonna-doochey… Who’s somehow related to Eddie (“UNDER-Ah-Cheever”) Cheever?

Since I couldn’t figure out how to pull up the Flinstone’s race live via the internets. (Apparently there’s only a live video feed and NO audio only feed?) Thus, you can watch the tape delayed coverage on The Deuce (ESPN2) April 3rd @ 4:30PM EASTERN, if so desired…

As for the Indy Car race itself… It was fairly decent once they got rid of that horrific split screen start. As I was still laughing over the fact that Tony George’s cars got sent to the rear of the grid for cheating…?

And it looked like Dan the man Wheldon was gonna make a mockery of the entire field as he serenely picked off car after car on his impressive march to the front, while isn’t it time for a Princess report? Where’s Danica now and what are her Mum ‘N Pop doing?

And never fear Milka’s HIT the WALL! Wonder how many chassis D & R will get to rebuild this season? Unfortunately I’ll bet they’ll get really good at it, eh? As Ryan Briscoe got DUNO-ED… But at least it wasn’t as bad as the Spinning Ernesto, who haplessly collected race leader Tony Kanaan with only a handful of laps remaining… Thus giving the victory to pole sitter Scott Dixon.

Homestead Results

Podium
1. Scott Dixon
2. Marco Andretti
3. Dan Wheldon

Full Race Results

Homestead Qualifying

And then there were 25… As we now know that Graham Rahal’s entry has been scrubbed from the season opening Indy Car race after young Messer Rahal earned his Darlington stripe during pre-season testing earlier this week. Yet, surprisingly there were two back to back crashes as first rookie Jay Howard lost control of the second Roth Racing entry, immediately followed by Dan Wheldon pirouetting into the wall! Wheldon will start from the rear of the grid in a back-up machine most likely, while Howard was awaiting further clearance after being released from the trackside medical facility sporting a pair of crutches. Surprisingly Tony George’s Vision Racing entries will roll off in P2-P3, as Edward Carpenter flirted thru the first three laps with winning his very first pole before fault erring to second on the final lap, giving TCGR’s Scott Dixon his ninth career pole. As for the rest of the gang here’s a quick look at some of the others participating, as that much beloved Kuh-Nuck Marty “Turtle” Roth has scored his career best starting position… Indeed continuing to lead the Champ Car refugees, as interestingly seven of the nine drivers making the switch have been deemed rookies this season by Brian Barnhart with only Bruno Junqueira and Oriel Servia being granted Veteran status. So, will Scott Dixon win for the Cheepster? Or will Danny Boy blitz the field from the rear of the grid… And don’t forget the Team Penske duo along with the Andretti Green crew. Oh crap, even the Princess has an outside chance tomorrow night…


GAINSCO Indy 300 qualifying results
Pos) Driver, Team, Speed (4-lap avg.)
1) Scott Dixon, Target Ganassi, 213.341
2) Ed Carpent