EXCLUSIVE: Delta Wing Update Kit revealed!

(Photo courtesy of Earnhardt Ganassi Racing)

Apparently the entire furor over the perceived looks of the Delta Wing Project’s much discussed views upon its styling cues tipped the scales when Indy Carr league officials learned that NO less then their Number 1 media darling had weighed-in on the matter… As Danica Patrick was heard saying: “ARE YOU KIDDING?” When recently having seen the initial Delta Wing images…

Thus, with much poking ‘N prodding… OUCH! Exclaimed the Cheepster, still harbouring some broken ribs… He asked Master Designer Ben (Bowlby) to see if he could come up with some sort of update kit to his latest creation that would possibly be a little more palatable to those angry 40yr olds scribbling ‘bout his pet project on their Confuzers…

Bowlby says that the major shift of philosophy should make ALL of the Open Wheel critics happy, as it’s now got four Open Wheels along with lots of sponsorship space and plenty of rear Downforce… Not to mention UV protection and should really stick on the leagues Short tracks, although he encouraged his Boss to stay away from taking it for a spin until he’s fully recovered…

While NO word on whether Chip and partner Felix will insist upon Juan ‘N Jamie’s contracts being modified to prohibit riding on top of? While Bowlby claims that rear decklid should also protect Dario in case of any Blow-over’s in the future!

INDYCAR: BMS Open Test Entry lists revealed

Whale I first read the FIL list from over at JOWT before reading the ICS list over at 16th & Georgetown…

And don’t worry, its gonna be alright! Danny Boy Wheldon and his No. 4 Panther Racing Cammo-car will be around in 2010… But apparently Wheldon was busy askin’ his son what he thought the future IndyCar should look like instead, before they went’ for a gander at the shoe store at the Mall; was I supposed to be somewhere south this week?

2010 Barber Test Entry lists

NOTE
I just received word from FAZZT Race Team that they & ‘TAG (Alex Tagliani) have decided to skip the Barber Motorsports Park Open Indy Car test this coming Wednesday – Thursday due to the forecasted inclement weather… As in lower then expected temperatures which could be in the low 50’s or below? Which is a minimum preferred ambient temperature for the Firestone rubber. So looks like Wheldon won’t be the only one skipping the test…

The DayToner 24?

So is the GURR-RRRR-REAT Americana Roundy-round race over yet??? As I noticed that they played the HELL outta some catchy commercials for their brand new start times… As I thought the 24hrs of Daytona was a Fortnight ago? I even took a nap and watched, Err listen to a whole slew ‘O Advertisements for the ongoing COMMERCIALYMPICS!!! Hmm? And they keep insisting that the Peacock will lose a cool $200m, which I DON’T quite follow… Guess I’d better go see if the DayToner 574 is still runnin? Hey, they could truck-in some pothole supplies via that Sikorsky Sky Crane helicopter they’ve been usin’ Up North Eh!

Occupying time during Boring Nascar races

Although its pretty funny to think that there’s a record number(?) of ex-Formula 1 Piloto’s taking part, (3) an ex-Indy 500 & IRL Champion along with an ex-Champ Car Rising Star, eh? And the only good thing I can say for the DayToner 649 is that it signals the return of Ye Windbag extraordinaire Dave Despain along with his sidekick, the Boy Wunderer Robin Miller…

Troxel slides past the Boys

Although The ‘DAWG may have previously scooped me on Melanie Troxel’s waxing of the Bo-Deenie Bobsled Challenge field recently held at Lake Placid, New York, I noticed pressdog didn’t mention listening to Melanie on the Speed Freaks, which I did before my FREAKIN’ internets link became permanently broken after 2yrs of listening, SHEISA! Why does everybody have to continuously “TWEAK” their websites to make them look more Bright ‘N Shinier, eh? QUIT moving the links around will Yuhs! But I digress…

As Melanie’s brief chat with duh Freaks was a decent interview, while it struck me that here’s one more driver searching for that elusive Sponsorship in hopes of landing a Full time ride in 2010… As you can listen to Troxel by clicking here.

Meanwhile no word on Dental Plan Dan “Spike” Wheldon who apparently was black ‘N blue after flipping his Two-man Bobsled during the Bodine Sled-fest, as I believe that both his hair ‘N teeth survived, although no word on whether or not any of his prized footwear was damaged?

And on a recent Autosport Radio show, Melanie’s main squeeze, a.k.a. tommy Johnston Jr. noted that his better half had now picked up In ‘N Out sponsorship, as in hamburger’s Y’all!

New IndyCar CEO to rustle up more Competitors

Wasting little time in finding Citizen Tony’’s replacement; The Sisters George ‘N Mother Mary (Hey! May be they’ll be this year’s Fast Friday’s Headliners?) have gone ahead and hired ex-PBR (Nope, NOT Pabst Blue ribbon…) Professional Bull Riders CEO Randy Bernard, as apparently the 43yr old Coloradan is much more willing to take orders from the female Board Members, eh?

Yet, as Bernard has admitted he’s NEVER ever been to a Car Race, and he’ll have his work cut out for him, as by my latest count there’s only an almost Champ Carz-like (somewhat) paltry 23 entries… And that’s including the 2 Sarah Fisher Racing (SFR) Racecar’s along with the unknown whereabouts of the 2 Newman Haas Lanigan Racing (NHLR) entries…

And hey I’m NOT trying to stomp out the IZOD LUV-Fest parade… I’m just sayin’ if Graham “McDougal’s Boyz Done Good!” Rahal isn’t signed and Ryan “The IZOD Dude” Hunter-Reay cannot secure a FULL season ride, then Indy; We’ve got a Problem!

The new boss would like a word with you

‘Coppers pining for ARCA race

Grand Marshall’s of this year’s ARCA Racin’ Derby!

Apparently four members of Everett’s “Finest,” a.k.a. ‘Duh Fuzz just couldn’t contain themselves in anticipation of DannaCars RALLY- RALLY- RALLY-BIG Racin’ debut thingy…

As NOPE! They weren’t on ‘Dare way to a Dunkin Doughnuts Shop… Nor racin’ off to be first in line at the Krispy Cream Outlet Store… NOPE! They were in Hot Pursuit of ‘Juan ‘O ‘Dem Bad Boyz, Bad Boyz, watch-ya gonna dooze? Who apparently was tryin’ to do his best Dukes ‘O Hazzard impersonation. Getter Done!

Having allegedly stolen a parked Pick’em Up Truck, the Sno-Homer Suspect led Police on a wild car chase, which resulted in NOT 1, BAM! Err 2-CRASH… Oops-a-dasy SMASH 3! WHAM-4! Count-em 4 ‘Copper Carz crashin into One-another… By golly Ociffer… I think you’ve sunk my Battleship?

In a scene that woulda made the Keystone Cops proud, the suspect abandoned the Pick-em Up Truck and tried fleeing the scene on foot… As the 4 ‘Coppers converged upon the scene simultaneously, with the first two crashin’ into each othere…
While the third struck the pursuing Ociffer on foot and thus breaking both of his wrists and ‘Juan knee, while a second ‘Copper broke two fingers when his air bag deployed upon striking a concrete flower box upon swerving to miss the carnage of three other wrecked Cop Carz! As all four Ociffer’s were then taken to nearby Hospitals.

No word on whether or not the episode will air upon SPEED’s Hit series ‘CRACKED! Err, I believe its titled ‘Jacked? Oh that’s rite, ‘Dare busy with some Roundy-round shows this weekend…

Police Blotter: Everett, WA

Johnson tries Spin-cycle

Heralded 4-Time RASSCAR Champion Jimmy Johnson managed to crash the No. 99 Bob Stallings Daytona Prototype during Qualifying when Jimmy reportedly stuck his nose into a spot it shouldn’t be… getting pinched by a slower GT car and thus slamming ARSE-Backwards into the Day-Toner concrete barricades… Hmm? Perhaps there really is something more to turnin’ Left ‘N Right instead of just goin’ round ‘N round in circles, eh? No word on whether or not the Full Moon was to be blamed for the accident…

WindsorSpeak: USF1 going to the Barber

Otay this is a little bit late, especially since THE ‘DAWG has stole my thunder once again. Hmm? Perhaps I’ve been too busy laughing while watching that edgy video he included in his Pete Windsor piece that I swear looks a whole lot like something outta Animal House, but I digress…

Thus, as pressdog has dually noted, the House ‘O Windsor has once again cranked up his Dry Ice machine and chortled Smoke On! By proclaiming that not only will USF1 have a racecar this year, they’ll publicly debut it by touring Jeffie of My Name is IRL’s most favourite new Indy Car haunt: Barber Motorsports Park, (BMR) Y’all know down in Sweet Home Alabama…

USF1 Car to Debut at Barber in February

Of course this isn’t without the usual WindsorSpeak Spin: YAWN! As ‘Pete has gotten ahead of himself by announcing the Team’s intentions on no less than Formula 1.com, the Official Formula One website; prior to all of the ink drying upon the various contracts… Not to mention we’re still waitin’ to hear who the Drivers will be? But in Pete’s defense, notice that he says that it was the FIA who nominated the Barber venue, not to be cornfused with Barber’s chair, eh?

Alabama debut for US team’s first car

So don’t fret too much, as it’s gonna be alright! As yes-sir-ree Ray, Jay, Al, you can call me Bob… As Messer Pete claims that any day now, there’ll be a RALLY-RALLY-RALLY-BIG Announcement on just whom indeedie is gonna be their Drivers; can you say Lopez ‘N Rossiter?

But I do think that indeed there will really be a USF1 Team on the grid at Bahrain, even if in namesake only, while I’m looking forward to Declen eating his whale sautéed Koala Hat this spring!

Holiday Tidings from Ken & Peter of Team USF1

Brought to you by the fine folks over at My Name is IRL…

It’s Andretti Autosport from Now-on

(Source: 16th & Georgetown.com)
“Where James claims that AA is going Chrome a la Mr. Chrome Horn – Paul Tracy!”

According to ‘Ye Blogosphere the AGR name change has occurred and is now officially known as Andretti Autosport, thus making way for the requisite announcements of the Danistar’s (Princess to AA) and Ryan “The IZOD Dude” Hunter-Reay’s impending arrival to be declared; tuh-Duh!

Yet according to Jeffie of My Name is IRL, Mikey debated long ‘N hard over possible name replacements… As apparently Disney’s price was too high for Lady ‘N the Tramp… While other names pondered included:

Unofficial list of rejected names for AA

Three Men and a Little Lady

(If Only We Were Just A Little Bit Faster At) Racing- Bunnies & Rainbows Motorsports

The White Collar Comedy Tour

Michael Michael Motorcycle

The Anthony Fedele Motor Militia

Team Meeting
(Source: My Name is IRL)

Although I’d have preferred Mikey to go with my personal favourite; Michael Andretti Racing Systems or MARS! (Where I’m guessing TK may feel like this year’s season was spent upon?) Oh What a Feeling, Err Never Mind!

Meanwhile on a somewhat “Ha-Ha” more serious note, AA has announced that Tom Anderson, formerly of Fernandez Racing will join its operation as its Senior VP of Racing Operations, along with a few other Management announcements. As many will know that the wily Anderson was a Ganassi mainstay during its “4-Peat” in CART from 1996-99, when the “Cheepster” won the title four years in-a-row along with leading a Top Seven places sweep of the 2000 Indy 500 which saw Juan Pablo Montoya win the race on his first attempt…

Andretti Autosport adds Anderson to VP position

As for news upon Monday’s RALLY-RALLY-RALLY BIG! Princess Press Release you’ll need to search elsewhere among the bloggaratzi; as I for one am way MORE impressed with the news of Sarah fisher’s 2nd Annual food Drive, while apparently Daniker is busy selecting beanie’s for her long ballyhooed CAB debut…

SFR Announces 2nd Annual "12 Days of Christmas Food Drive"

Kuh-Kuh-Kuh Kia

So recently when on Holiday, I had to laugh when asking Jefford what make his rental car was? Oh I don’t know, I think it’s a Kia? All I know is that you can leave the key in it, he retorted!

So off to look for some fishing lures in rustic Downtown La Conner, as Brandon & Dundee had managed to hook the bottom off the dock quite frequently… As Brandon informed us; you can tell they’re Catfish ‘because I can see their whiskers… Only problem being that it’s Salt water, not to mention the humongous 6” fin sticking outta the water… (More likely pile Perch)

Hey have you seen the key for the Kia? Careful, watch out for the Ketsup packets lying on the seat… Oh yeah that’s right it’s a Kuh-kuh-kuh Kia… As we broke into that ‘Ol Volare tune sung to the words of Key in the Kia! Kuh-kuh-kuh Kia! (Hmm? Why is all of this Kuh-kuh-kuh Kia making me think of the Chia pet, eh?)

But wait, this ain’t your Grand-pappies Kia… It’s a Kia Spectrum EX, which I believe the EX stands for either Executive or EXTREME SPORT model versions… Then again after Jefford told me to HOLD ON! I’m gonna floor it… Could also be for ECONOMY version? As Jefford mumbled something about secondary’s ‘N Squirrel’s. Yet the Korean Kia appears to be a closely copied version of Honda’s current Civic 4 Door model… But Hey! At least it gets the job done, eh?

Uhm? Oh Drat! Have uze seens duh keys for the Kuh kuh kuh Kia?

The USF1 Mini-series continues

Shamelessly pilfered from My Name is IRL...

More “As the USF1 Vurld Turns”

The serious Hi-jinx ‘N Superb Sarcasm, Err Humour of Decklen’s excellent talking movies continues…

Day 5 at the USF1 HQ

Day 6 at the USF1 HQ

You can find Parts 1-3 by clicking here and then scrolling to bottom of post…

Team USF1 Update

While the cynics still seem to doubt the arrival of USF1 in 2010, nevertheless the silvered tongued House ‘O Windsor (Peter) made his very last Grid Walk for current employer SPEED TV during the inaugural Abu Dabi GP…

And the team has hired long time F1 veteran David Stubbs to be the Manager of its newly announced European Operations base at MotorLand Aragon, a most impressive facility located in Alcaniz, Spain, featuring multiple test tracks, including a Formula 1 spec circuit designed by FIA circuit Architect Herman Tilke.

Interestingly, Stubbs began his Grand Prix career at Williams having joined from the British Atomic Research facility alongside another recruit by the name of Ross Brawn, way back in 1978, starting work as a “gopher.” Stubbs then steadily moved up the ladder and was Williams Team Manager during the late 1980’s, notably during the Mansell-Piquet Honda era before moving onto Brabham, Paul Stewart Racing, Stewart Grand Prix and Jaguar…

Meanwhile it has become clearly obvious to me that Ken & Peter will NOT have an American Driver in 2010 as somewhere I heard/read that none of the current names being dropped by Peter qualify for the mandatory FIA Super license one needs to race in Formula 1; although Princess does meet the licensing requirements Y’all know she’s way too busy preparing to what many on the Blogosphere are denoting as CABS!

While Ryan Hunter-Reay would have been hard pressed to be granted said Super License, since he doesn’t meet the current requirements, I doubt he’s going anywhere besides Mikey Andretti Racing now that his personal sponsor IZOD has become the Indy Car Series title sponsor, eh?

Meanwhile a certain Aussi guest scribe at My Name is IRL has been giving us his jaundiced view towards Team USF1 in his Hillarious behind the scenes USF1 HQ videos…

A Day at the USF1 Office

Day 2 at USF1 HQ

Day 3 at USF1 HQ

Now I’d better shut down Ye ‘Ol Confuser since the Stefny Cleaning Agency is due any moment…

A Day at the USF1 Office

I found this at My Name is IRL... Now if The House 'O Windsor could only come up with some Driver's name's for us, eh?

Hail-Hail the Mighty Snap-oversteer Sofa King

Not exactly sure what to say ‘bout that Mesmerizing Twin rings ‘O Motigi-land… ‘Cept, YAAAWWWNN!!! Oh lookie ‘dare, its two red carz leadin’ the parade… Somebody pours me another shot ‘O eXpresso wills yuhs…

As I swear I saw the ALL Mighty Sofa King… Tisk-Tisk Jeffie pickin’ my boy for first wall smackeroo candidate of the race, making the save of the evening… As I believe that over the din of the crowd you could hear Kosuke saying over the radio my carz rreelly-rreelly RROOSSE!!! Something ‘bout needin to tighten up the ‘Ol Sofa couch springs…

But hey Jeffie! Did you realize that Kosuke actually finished AHEAD of Ahem…? Ryan traffic cones R us Briscoe… Who gets my two thumbs up for facing not only the muzak after the race but also actively seeking out a one Mr. BRUT Arute-Arute… Who by the way, should possibly recall that Mario Moraes is pals with some Dude named Viso who happens to own a few of Jack’s favourite pets… So QUIT hammerin’ him on his Papa died and now you’re a better racer angle will yuh!

And Oh My Goodness… We can now go another year before having to watch 4.75hr marathons of the Princess winning her first race… Cue the symphonic overtones of Beethoven, or was that some sort of rhapsody? Here comes Dan-Dan-Danicker… And how come Mr. Arute didn’t interview any of the “Home Boyz?”

Although that would be priceless to actually see Dario & Scott walking into the local 7/11, (Yeah, there everywhere, SHEISA!) Scotty pickin’ the beer and Dario standin’ with him at the register to make sure Dixon took the necessary Yen outta his wallet!

Sayonara…

All Hail the Sofa King

Not entirely sure of what exactly Jeffie means by paying homage to the “revered” Kosuke Matsuura as the Sofa King… Who’ll roll off from P16 tonight, with the Stickerless Roger Yasukawa starting alongside in P17, while obviously Hideki Mutoh is dreaming of better results after crashing in qualifying…

So does it really say Lazy Boy on the sidepod of Matsuura’s race car? And no word yet on whether or not Mr. BRUT Arute-Arute ran into any Snakes on the plane… Hooh-Ah! Looks like it’s gonna be a bumpy ride, so Ladies ‘N Germs… Please keep those seatbelts fastened at all times just in case we hit any light turbulence…

GO KOSUKE!

(Cooking with Danica; Source: Is it May Yet?)

Look for Dan-Dan-Danicker on “Cooking with Regis” this morning… Or is ‘dat Cookin’ with Gas? As the Princess will reveal her secret cookie recipe.
Yeah that’s right Regis, I like to start off with a pint of Worcestershire Sauce… which I like to put on my Huevos rancheros if yuhs know whats I means!
Then we’ll need a pound of lemon drops, some eel grass for decoration and don’t forget the gummy bears…

What’s that Kathy Lee? Oh, you’ll wanna stir it Round ‘N Round… Preferably to the left, unless you’re in the Orient… Then you’ll definitely wanna stir it clockwise.

What Heat do I use Kathy Lee? Well us Girls heat’s is always on Hee-Hee-Hee…After all us Go Daddy gwirls gotta sticks together…


Yeah Regis, I like to set the oven on about 165… NO, Slow ‘N Steady wins the race, Err cooks these nicely, as Y’all don’t want ‘dem Peakin’ toose early!

Then I like to cut-em’ up into little pieces or makes mine in the shapes of some TEX-ARSE Two Step Stompin’ Boots if Y’all catch my drift – Regis…

But watch out for Dan-Dan-Danica “N the Cookie Monster, will you Kosuke… (Nice job Will!)

The Danica Scandal

Yeah I know this is a tad bit optimistic… But what the HELL, eh? As I’d like to see the forlorn Kosuke Matsuura have a “Reely-Reely-Reely” BIG race, perhaps bustin’ out a Top Ten finish… Or even better yet, a Top Five or Yikes! The final Podium step, as it would be an added boost for both the previously censored Japanese driver and Conquest Racing, as Kosuke makes his Indy Car return after a two year hiatus, with Matsuura & Conquest recently testing at chicagoland to knock off the rust prior to his Twin Ring outing.

Meanwhile, very little has been said about Roger Yasukawa’s reuniting with Dreyer & Reinbold Racing for this weekend’s Twin Ring IRL outing, as I’m assuming the deal’s still on? Which would see a total of three Japanese racing drivers contesting their home event…

And although a little bit dated. (I’ll update after this weekend’s event) you may wish to read my story: Japanese Open wheel Warriors

AND DON’T FORGET!
You can catch ALL of the Twin Ring Motegi Indy Car action on Versus, with their Qualifying show at 3PM and the Race at 7:30PM, both on Friday – September 18th. (ALL TIMES PACIFIC AND ALWAYS CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS!)