Mitty’s Magny

So just why is the Circuit de Magny cours so overly UN-LUVED? As this tranquil countryside circuit is just three hours south of Paris in the “Nevers-sais-Nevers” (Nevers) region, having been upgraded with a sizeable donation of Francs in the early 1980’s when France’s President François Mitterrand successfully co-erced Bernie Ecclestone in moving the French GP to his home region, in the tranquil Loire Valley… Could it possibly be the influx of Bovines or its propensity for Hay fever? As SPEED’s Peter Winsor was quick to point out how the Circuit plays havoc with allergies… Yet, I was told long ago by some smarmy Brits, that it’s truly a great racing venue, so go figure? (Although Bob Varsha was quick to point out how the track was overflowing with spectators and its now been reported that it’ll host another two years of the French GP…)

And so, Friday’s second practice session wasn’t too much of a surprise, as the field was seeing red… As in the two Scuderia Ferrari’s blitzing the time sheets, but Renault went for a bit of a ruse, by having Fredrico Suave (F. Alonso) end up quickest of all… Suggesting that the Spaniard was running on extremely light fuel tanks in hopes of grabbing some headline space for the Reggie, eh? Thus Felipe Massa was second ahead of Kimi Raikkonen, (P3) who was followed by Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton. (P4)

Sadly, the F1 paddock was mourning the loss of Toyota’s Ove Anderson, who’d been killed in a Vintage Rally Raid in South Africa and the Toyota team were donning black arm bands and sporting black stripes across the noses of their two TF108 challengers.

And a good deal of fun was had at the expense of SPEED’s senior commentator, Messer Hobbs, who waxed on a bit about how if he was to ever write a book, his missus said it should be titled; “I Shoulda Won, But!” to which the House of Winsor immediately broke in and said he’d just received a text message from Hobbo’s colleague S. Posey that says the title of Hobbs biography should instead be titled: “I could have been Second!”

Saturday qualifying saw the true formation of the grid come about, when The Iceman (K. Raikkonen) grabbed the pole position ahead of his Brazilian teammate, in what would be Ferrari’s coveted 200th pole… Giving the Scuderia Ferrari another front row lock-out, with Jaguar slotting into P3, yet recall that Hamilton and Nico Rosberg had both been given 10 grid spot penalties for the pit lane contretemps in Canada. And thus Alonso would ultimately start from P3 with Toyota’s Jarno Trulli alongside, while uncharacteristically The Krakow Kid (R. Kubica) was starting from row three.

And while Jaguar was to start from P13, his teammate Heikki Kovalinen was given a five grid spot penalty for supposedly driving too slowly and impeding Nick Heidfeld’s progress, while Rosberg started 15th and Honda’s Rubens Barrichello moved to caboose with a five spot gearbox change penalty.

When the lights went green, Kimi simply shot off into the lead, continuously setting the races fastest lap and pulling away from Massa, (I believe that Kimi set fastest race lap and thus tied Nigel Mansell for third for overall fastest race laps, as it would be Kimi’s 29th) with both Ferrari’s simply leaving the rest of the field in the dust. Then the unthinkable happened when Kimi’s exhaust decided to separate itself from the Ferrari lump. After being held on solely by a sensor wire, the offending exhaust pipe finally disembarked the stricken Ferrari, which enabled Massa to shoot by after having been behind by over seven seconds. Yet, amazingly Kimi held onto second place, while Trulli “Scrumptious” hung onto third to claim his very first podium in 55 races, after a massive blocking maneuver he performed upon Kovalainen, which seems an appropriate tribute to Toyota’s stricken founder.

As for Hamilton, the theme of his day was something to do with Groundhog’s, (Groundhog Day?) as he was forced to attempt passing Renault’s Nelson Piquet Jr. three separate times… And wound up tenth, out of the points for the second race in a row.

And bully on you Nelson Nelson, who pulled off a late race pass on teammate Alonso to secure seventh place, his first Grand Prix points of his young career, with Alonso having to settle for eighth.

Thus, Massa’s third victory of the season now makes him the fourth driver to lead the point’s standings in the past four rounds and the first Brazilian to lead the World Championship since Ayrton Senna did at Monaco in 1993.

Qualifying Results
Pole: K. Raikkonen; 2. F. Massa; 3. L. Hamilton; 4. F. Alonso; 5. J. Trulli; 6. H. Kovalainen; 7. R. Kubica; 8. M. Webber; 9. D. Coulthard; 10. T. Glock

Race Results
Winner: F. Massa; 2.K. Raikkonen; 3. J. Trulli; 4. H. Kovalainen;
5. R. Kubica; 6. M. Webber; 7. N. Piquet; 8. F. Alonso

2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 8 of 18)

Driver’s
F. Massa 48
R. Kubica 46
K. Raikkonen 43
L. Hamilton 38
N. Heidfeld 28

Constructors
Ferrari 91
BMW Sauber 74
McLaren 58
Red Bull 24
Toyota 23

So now we’re off to Bloody ‘Ol Silverstone, where Jaguar has just claimed the fastest time in pre-race testing last week and although the race is a reported sell-out, there’s still the BMW Sauber Pit lane Park exhibit to visit in Manchester…

Now it’s a Record!

Although Rubens Barrichello and Honda F1 Racing have already celebrated the Brazilian’s accomplishment of completing 257 starts at the Spanish Grand Prix, many of us including myself have stuck to the figures provided by F1 Racing and other such sources which have slightly disagreed with the numbers the ageless Rubino used to reach his milestone, while I suppose we could argue over the statistical anomalies for countless hours, eh?

Like all major Formula 1 drivers, both previous record holder Ricardo Patrese and Barrichello both began their motor racing careers by racing go karts and then moving up the junior ranks prior to beginning their illustrious careers in Formula 1.

Patrese made his F1 debut in 1977 for the Shadow team before moving to Arrows the following season, when several Shadow team members left to start-up the Arrows outfit. Due to his overly aggressive driving style, Ricardo was accused of triggering an accident which led to the death of Ronnie Peterson and was subsequently banned by his fellow drivers when the GPDA successfully had Patrese refused entry to the following Grand Prix, (Watkins Glen; USGP East) leaving great bitterness between his fellow competitors, most notably World Champion James Hunt.

Patrese then moved onto Messer Ecclestone’s Brabham team to partner triple World Champion Nelson Piquet from 1982-83, before switching to Alfa Romeo from 1984-85, prior to returning to Brabham for a further two seasons. (1986-87) In 1988, the Italian made the switch to Sir Frank Williams racing team and would stay thru as teammate to Nigel Mansell’s clinching of his lone driver’s title in 1992 prior to spending his last season in Formula One alongside some young German up and comer named Michael Schumacher…

SPEED’s Professor Matchett has waxed on eloquently about being the man to have strapped in Ricardo for those final 16 starts which propelled the Italian to the staggering total of 256 Grand Prix starts, as Patrese holds two lesser known records of scoring points the longest number of years along with longest separation between Grand Prix victories; Monaco, 1982 and Suzuka, 1992, as the likeable Italian scored a total of six wins and eight poles between 1977-93.

Ironically the torch for F1 “Supermen” would be passed from elder statesmen Patrese to a young fresh faced Brazilian in 1993, as Barrichello would begin his rookie Formula 1 season for the Jordan Grand Prix concern that very season, showing up his more experienced teammates Ivan Capelli and Thierry Boutsen by claiming his first career pole at Spa Francorchamps that year before scoring his maiden GP points at Suzuka, finishing fifth, one place ahead of his new teammate Eddie “IRV THE SWERVE” Irvine.

Although I only recall being focused upon the ascending super Star Herr Schumacher in ’93, my first recollections of Barrichello’s talent was aboard those distinctly painted Sasol Jordan’s which the plucky Irishman’s team seemed to continuously make deals with the wrong engine suppliers, which ultimately led to Rubens decision to leave the team and sign-up to drive for the upstart Stewart Grand Prix concern in 1997, where BArrichello scored a superb second in the rain soaked Monaco GP in only the team’s fifth race. Barrichello would remain with the Stewarts for three seasons prior to being called up as Schumacher’s vigilant wingman in 2000, and would score his maiden Grand Prix victory in the bizarre German GP, (Nurburgring) where a nutso priest would wander about the racing line in protest before being tackled and removed forcibly from the tarmac!

Fed up with playing the dutiful number two behind German Wunderkind Schuey, Rubino signed up to drive alongside Honda’s Jenson Button for the 2006 season, where he now looks set to finish out his Grand Prix career at, as Barrichello has scored 13 poles and 9 victories, with the latter all coming during his Scuderia Ferrari days...

F1 Changing of the guard?

While the hottest story in Formula 1 has cooled considerably now that Sir Maxxum has been given a free pass to collect his $200.00 after having landed on go…

As MAD MAX Mosley will indeed continue to serve out the remainder of his current term as the head of the FIA, having won approval during the recently concluded special meeting in “Gay Paree” on June 3rd,

Interestingly Sir Maxxum weathered the storm over the even more bizarre reporting that a member of MI5’s, (Britain’s counterpart to our beloved CIA) wife, a Dominatrix was the woman who led five prostitutes in the plot to discredit MAD MAX…

Yet, there are also some other developments occurring in the paddock, in regards to the still lingering legal wrangles over chassis cloning, as the original matter involved charges made by Spyker F1 against Super Aguri and Scuderia Toro Rosso.

Yet sadly, Honda has let Aguri-san fall by the wayside, as the team has ceased operations, as apparently “Super Best Friends” were too much competition for the works team, while Honda has been visibly without any major sponsorship the past season plus and its worth noting that Honda F1 only overtook Super Aguri in the 2007 Constructor’s championship at the final race in Shanghai…

Yet, with Super Aguri out of the picture, there have been reports of Force India’s chief executive Colin Kolles being spotted in Salzburg, assume ably meeting with Red Bull officials who are now keen to sell off Toro Rosso, as it appears that whenever the new Concorde Agreement is finally reached, as the current agreement expired on December 31st, 2007, all teams will indeed need to produce their own chassis.

And while rumours claimed that Gerhard Berger, Toro Rosso’s co-owner has been busy racking-up his frequent flyer miles with trips to the Middle East in search of backers, recall that this is the same region from where the Magma Group which pulled out of negotiations to purchase super Aguri resides…

Recent speculation suggests that perhaps the Lancia Company may be interested in acquiring Deeter Majestic’s shares in Toro Rosso and most likely a controlling interest? As this would allow for brand exposure, while the team would still be able to utilize FIAT parent companies Ferrari power train components.

Yet the latest rumours have suggested that perhaps Ultimate Motorsport, a British Formula 3 team with major backing from the Angolan oil company Sonangol, is now interested in the Red Bull satellite operation? And would potentially solve the thorny customer chassis issue by having France’s Mygale chassis constructor as their partner.

Meanwhile, there are now rumours also of a second Honda powered squad returning to Formula 1 for 2009 as an American F1 team, which seems somewhat far-fetched? As reports claim that Ken Anderson was spotted at the Canadian Grand Prix on a reconnaissance mission…

As this rumoured organization would merely revive the role that Super Aguri served, as a satellite program to run Takuma Sato and possibly an American racecar pilot… Perhaps the almighty Princess Danicker? As reportedly Honda is keen to steal some of Toyota’s RASSCAR thunder…

Yet, sadly for the foreseeable future, we’ve returned to a lowly number of just ten Constructors taking part in Formula 1, while Max Mosley was bellyaching how F1 couldn’t succeed if he wasn’t allowed to finish out his term, but let us recall, that Sir Maxxum was the instigator in this dubious customer chassis shamozzle along with selecting David Richards Prodrive organization as the twelfth and final Constructor allowed on the grid for 2008!

Thus, as we sink into a global recession, while the Concorde Agreement remains unsigned… The majority of potential new Formula 1 team owners are loathe to sign-up for the FIA’s premiere racing series, which appears to be somewhat rudderless at the moment as Mosley looks set to become a shrinking violet… But then again; Formula 1 NEVER Sleeps!

Il Notre Dam

ILL is exactly what I felt about the flippin’ FOX broadcast of the Canadian Grand Prix… And as I’ve still not watched the Friday second practice session, nor did I take any notes during Saturday’s qualifying, I’m quite behind on my F1 coverage… Of which will only fall further behind with the monstrous amount of Le Mans coverage this weekend on SPEED! Can you say Viva la France?

Obviously, I’d have to say I was most impressed by The Krakow Kid, a.k.a. Robert Kubica, who’s simply KICKED ASS and Taken NO prisoners since replacing the over spoken Jacque ‘O Lantern *Jacques) Villeneuve and I feel a little bit sad for “Quick Nick” (Heidfeld) whom I’m thinking perhaps days are numbered at BMW Sauber? Although the team is obviously keen to keep a German on tap, but I cannot help wonder if Heidfeld’s simply now keeping the seat warm for Sebastian Vettel? Who yes I know has a contract with Red Bull, but as I’ve just recently told Mary Ellen, there’s NO such thing as an iron clad contract in F1… I mean, just ask Fredrico Suave (Alonso)

Yet Kubica, who’s gone to extraordinary lengths to lose weight in order to gain every possible advantage out of the BMW Sauber is currently tied for the fourth best driver on the grid, as he and Heikki Kovalainen squabble over this position, with only Lewis Hamilton, Kimi “The REAL Iceman” Raikkonen and Felipe Massa ahead of him…

And Kubica was momentarily on Pole, until Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton snatched it away from his good buddy, with the Kimster third, just ahead of a very impressive Ferdi the Putz. (Alonso) Even more impressive was Williams Nico Rosberg out qualifying Ferrari’s Felipe Massa, while Mark Webber pulled a “DC” and crashed on the marbles on his way back to the pits at the end of Q2… As the track was breaking up once again and quite tricky off line…

Peter WINSOR: Kimi, quicker of the two Ferrari drivers. You are always in the points here in Canada but it looked like sector three is always a difficult one for Ferrari. The top speed is not quite there relative to McLaren Mercedes.

Kimi RAIKKONEN: The car has been good all weekend. Even this morning it was very good and then going into qualifying it is quite a joke with the circuit. It is always the same thing, the circuit breaks down and you miss the corner because there is so much sand. I lost so much time in corner 10 as I couldn't get around as the car just went straight and didn't give any traction. I am a bit disappointed on that because we had a car that could fight for pole position and we will see tomorrow how it is going to be in the race and whether it is going to be a nightmare when we do 70 laps and it breaks up after two laps. It is going to be quite interesting.

Interestingly, the man made island on the St. Lawrence River, which was built in 1967, was like many of the previous events when you’re never quite sure when or how many Safety Car periods there will be. Recall last years horrible looking shunt that Robert Kubica experienced, miraculously walking away with only a swollen ankle… So, this year’s Safety Car seemed a bit sedate as Adrian Sutil’s Force India came to a stop on the road before his front brakes caught on fire… Which led to one of the craziest incidents I’ve seen in quite some time… As everybody piled into their respective pit boxes after the FOM (Formula One Management) had displayed the graphic that the pits were open, Kimi Raikkonen stopped alongside Kubica, as there was a HUGE RED LIGHT being displayed at pit out… And although I’m not exactly sure why? I’m absolutely 100% positive that when Lewis Hamilton realized his mistake(?) he PURPOSELY chose the Kimster over his good, close, personal friend Kubica to impale with his hurtling McLaren… As obviously he wouldn’t wish for Kimi to gain valuable points on him as the defending World Champion.

With his two main race protagonists out of the picture, the race appeared to be his for the taking, although Kubica’s teammate Quick Nick had other designs after briefly leading and even passing Kubica on pit stops… But The Krakow Kid was NOT to be denied, as he drove 6-7 qualifying laps in a row in order to build up a 24 second lead over Heidfeld, who was now considerably slower after having taken on a large fuel load in order to make his race a one stop event…

Thus Kubica was triumphant, becoming the very first Polish driver to ever win a Grand Prix, as it was quite enjoyable to hear a different National Anthem being played… As Kubica stood proudly during the playing of the Polish National Anthem… And it was a “White & Blue Letter Day,” as Heidfeld followed Kubica across the stripe to give BMW Sauber its very first 1-2 finish in Formula 1, with a very delighted (Surprised) David Coulthard scoring his first podium for Red Bull, while Toyota’s Timo Glock scored his first points and impressively, German Hot-shue Sebastian Vettel held off McLarein’s Heikki Kovalinen for 8th place…

The Canadian Race Stewards later decided that both Hamilton and Nico Rosberg would be docked 10 place grid spot penalties for their roles in the pit lane accident, which will be served at the French GP... And while Raikkonen was busy pointing at the stop light for “Jaguar’s” indiscretion, as Peter Winsor later pointed out, Kimi isn’t to be let off the hook for running into the back of Sutil’s Force India at Monte Carlo…

Qualifying Results
Pole: L. Hamilton; 2. R. Kubica; 3. K. Raikkonen; 4. F. Alonso;
5. N. Rosberg; 6. F. Massa; 7. H. Kovalainen; 8. N. Heidfeld;
9. R. Barrichello; 10. M. Webber

Race Results
Winner: R. Kubica; 2. N. Heidfeld; 3. D. Coulthard; 4. T. Glock;
5. F. Massa; 6. J. Trulli; 7. R. Barrichello; 8. S. Vettel


2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 7 of 18)

Driver’s
R. Kubica 42
L. Hamilton 38
F. Massa 38
K. Raikkonen 35
N. Heidfeld 28

Constructors
Ferrari 73
BMW Sauber 70
McLaren 53
Red Bull 21
Toyota 17

Show me the money!

During the Turkish GP’s Pre-race show… (Ever heard of those, FOX?) Peter Winsor did an interesting bit about the potential costs of running an F1 team in today’s business climate, while noting how Emperor Bernardo was overly keen to remain “Monosyllabic towards ANY hard numbers…

Yet Winsor ascertains that the average per season price of admission will set you back $200 million… With Bob Varsha commenting during the Canadian GP that the top F1 teams such as Toyota and most likely all of the major auto manufacturers are spending somewhere in the region of $700-800 million per season!

Although the FIA doles out $50m to each team in the form of travel expenses and “Prize” money, with a further $40m being accumulated by all Constructors VIP operations… The various teams are still left seeking to secure approximately half of their working budgets from sponsors… And this does NOT include all of the various other sundry businesses involved, i.e.; Oil Companies, lubricants, tyres, parts specialists, etc. which will potentially chip in to the teams budgets.

Yet, lets consider the costs of building a current racing circuit, as the latest to join the fray is the ultra modern, sheik Istanbul Autodrome, at a cost of $250m. And if we take a look at the latest four “Super” circuits: Abu Dhabi; Bahrain; Malaysia and Singapore, the cost EXEEDS $1 Billion! While ALL of today’s Modern circuits MUST be designed by Herman Tilke, who’s quite lavish over his pit lane complexes, amongst overall venue layout amenities.

And just what does the first three figures pertain to?

Team Budget; $200m
(Average for all ten teams currently competing)
This cost includes: Team personnel, Engines, R & D and Logistics

FIA; $50m
This cost includes: TV Rights, Circuit appearance fees and F1 Endorsements

Team VIP’s; $40m
This cost includes: Admittance into the very exclusive team Paddock Club which sees an average of 70 attendees per event. (Avg. price = $3,000 per attendee)

Overall, Formula 1 is a $2+ Billion per year industry…

Budget capping Italian style
While there are rumours speculating about a new Budget capping system being proposed in Formula 1, which would see the FIA impose a three year cap reduction, beginning at $150m Euros next year, it wouldn’t include Driver and Team Bosses salaries, nor Engines or Marketing costs.
Which ties in nicely with the figures thrown around by the House of Winsor during his Pre-race monologue at Istanbul… Yet, once again leave it to Ferrari to try upsetting the Apple Cart as they may have as much as a $100 million head start

Monn knockoe

Ok, although I’m sure there were more interesting tidbits discussed during this past weekend’s Formula 1 race… Here’s what grabbed my attention all those days ago, as it was rough sledding having binged out on the Indy 500, Monaco GP and Monte Carlo GP2 races…

Thursday tidbits
Monte Carlo is so SMALL that you could fit the ENTIRE Principality easily INSIDE of Indianapolis, as its ONLY ¾ square mile and is the second smallest country in the world after Vatican City.

Listening to the Krakow Kid’s (R. Kubica) radio transmission, about the apparent problems in setting up the chassis, Peter Winsor wanted to know if he should go ask Ron Dennis if he had any more advice for Robert on where to LOSE some more weight after the “Ronster” had made jokes about how large Kubica’s nose was on the grid in Istanbul…

Top trap speeds; Lewis Hamilton hitting 291kp/h (180mph) while setting fastest Thursday practice time, as the cars scream around the two mile circuit in just under 80 seconds per lap at an average of 100mph! In a city you can completely circumnavigate in just over one hour…

Favourite Circuits
Steve Matchett:
Whenever anybody asks me what Formula 1 circuit should I go to? I always reply Monza and Monaco. Monza simply because of the passion of the Tiafosi and Monaco because its so unique…I mean every night you can go walk around the streets that the race is on, have a drink in the bars and eat at the restaurants all surrounding the course and get as close to the mechanics as possible while they’re working on the cars…

But Monaco is FERROCIOUSLY EXPENSIVE!

David Hobbs: But if you want to watch open racing then Spa. Although it’s a long circuit and the weather’s a bit dodgy and not very well attended, once you’re inside you can walk from nearly every corner to corner…

Bob Varsha:
Now you’ve got me thinking what’s my favourite circuit and to gain me some extra time I’m going to defer to Peter.

Peter Winsor:
Well Bob, I MUST SAY I’M ANNOYED! That we’re NOT going to Indianapolis this year… Although I’m NOT saying that Indy is my favourite circuit, but what a Major race that was and Formula 1 NEEDS to be in America…

As May turns to June and we’re going to Canada, but NOT the United States, I think it’s TERRIBLE! And I’m SICK about it and I’m rather SICK about the Team Owners who prattle on about how we NEED to be in America, how they love America, etc. but are NOT doing ANYTHING about it! As they should be out there ACTIVELY PROMOTING IT! The Drivers should be out there, the Top Three should be out there doing long media conferences selling Formula 1 to the American public and sponsors and as an F1 economy there NOT doing it and I think they’re remiss for NOT doing it…

Matchett:
Well I totally agree with you Peter to a large extent… Although BMW Sauber did indeed have there pit complex in Las Vegas this January. (Consumer Electronics Show) And there were tons of people there… And I think you’re 100% right on we need more Teams promoting it. Why couldn’t McLaren, Ferrari and others be alongside BMW’s Pit Lane Park? Except for perhaps the Commercial aspect of it, as Bernie Ecclestone may raise his hand and say I NEED a piece of that!

Hobbs:
It is after all the largest market for all of the top manufacturers… Definitely Ferrari and BMW, Mercedes, Honda… It’s the BIGGEST single market and F1 NEEDS to be there!

Saturday tidbits
The opening montage was sprinkled with comments from past and present Formula 1 luminaries, as “The Wee Scot,” a.k.a. Sir Jackie Stewart began the sequence by stating; Monaco hasn’t changed at all; Still the most glamorous, still the most colourful. It’s still the most exciting!

Felipe Massa; Its like racing a go kart in your house.

Kimi Raikkonen: If you don’t push, you don’t get the lap; but if you push too hard then you end up in the barriers.

Ayrton Senna; You position your wheels with the Armco ALL the time and you’re cutting it that close.

I don’t know why, but I found it just a tad bit eerie to be hearing Senna’s voice once again… As Bob Varsha had marveled earlier how Senna had once claimed that he’d look over at the giant video monitor while racing up the hill at “Bo Ravage” to see where his competitors were…

Mika Hakkinen; It’s very exciting, I mean you’re so close to the barriers all of the time.

David Coulthard; You cannot push 100% here, because if you go 101% then you’re into the barriers… Which were prophetic words as DC had a huge shunt towards the end of Q2 and although he was 10th quickest, advancing to the final Q3 “Qualie” session, he’d go NO farther due to the obvious damage he’d done against the Armco…

And Triple World Champion Nelson Piquet, who never managed to win at Monte Carlo once said; its like trying to fly a helicopter in your living room… While it was fun to hear Keke Rosberg, who’d won Monaco 25yrs ago for Williams telling Peter Winsor during his grid walk that he wouldn’t try telling son Nico anything because he wouldn’t listen to him anyways…

And “Quick Nick” Heidfeld’s record run of 28 consecutive Top 10 qualifying positions was snapped this weekend, when the German could do no better then 13th place in Q2 qualifying…

Thus, it was a very surprised Felipe Massa, who’d earlier said he didn’t like Monaco very much, snatching his 12th career pole over the REAL Iceman, a.k.a. “The Kimster,” nee Kimi Raikkonen. Massa’s Pole was the first for the Scuderia in Monaco since Michael Schumacher’s in 2000, while the surprising lockout of the front row by Ferrari was the teams first since 1979, which was also the last time a Scuderia pilot had won from Pole Position. (Jody Scheckter) Forlornly, Team McLaren took the second row on the grid after having been faster then the red cars during practice.

Adding more drama to the race was that it would become a wet/dry affair as it began raining just prior to the start of the race and everybody was using Bridgestone’s “Wet” intermediate tires as Massa shot off the line with Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton making his way around the Kimster, while fellow Finn, Heikki Kovalainen stalled on the formation lap and was forced to start from pit lane.

And I still don’t know how he got away with it, but Hamilton kissed the Armco with his rear tire, having to immediately duck into the pits for a replacement, as he’d later comment that you couldn’t see where you were going in the spray and everybody was aquaplaning…

Meanwhile Massa made a mistake while leading and handed the front spot over to Kubica, who led for quite sometime in the BMW Sauber, yet after pit stops Hamilton built up a massive forty second lead before Nico Rosberg slammed heavily into the swimming pool complex’s barriers, bringing out a safety car, which evaporated Lewis’s lead. By this time, Fredrico Suave (Alonso) who’d been the first to bravely switch over to “Slicks” on the drying track had shown that this was the preferred tire as he began setting fast lap times, while his hapless rookie teammate Nelson Nelson (Piquet Jr.) who’s reportedly under increasing pressure over keeping his ride managed to slide off track after they’d thrown dry tires on his mount…

And just prior to the restart, we heard Force India’s Adrian Sutil’s radio transmission note that he was the meat in a Scuderia Ferrari “Works” sandwich, with Massa ahead and World Champion Raikkonen lurking directly behind, as the young German had driven an amazing race from P18 to fourth, being on track to garner Force India’s and his first career points…

Yet, With everybody having made the switch over to the dry grooved tires and the laps winding down in what would become a timed event, the Kimster got a little too overaggressive and punted Sutil out of the way, to no avail! As Kimi would ultimately end up out of the points after his multiple race transgressions, including a drive thru penalty for Ferrari failing to have his tires mounted prior to the three minute board…

Thus Hamilton led Kubica and Massa across the finish line and the win was “Jaguar’s” first victory in the Principality as an F1 pileto and he seemed genuinely taken by his accomplishment as he was the first Englishmen to win on the streets of Monte Carlo since Graham Hill had done so for Lotus in 1969.

Meanwhile, Rubens Barrichello, who was starting his 256th Grand Prix, celebrated by scoring his very first points in over one year, while the hapless young German hot-shue Sebastian Vettel finally righted his miserable season with an impressive run to fifth place…

Qualifying Results
Pole: F. Massa; 2. K. Raikkonen; 3. L. Hamilton; 4. H. Kovalainen;
5. R. Kubica; 6. N. Rosberg; 7. F. Alonso; 8. J. Trulli; 9. M. Webber;
10. D. Coulthard

Race Results
Winner:L. Hamilton; 2. R. Kubica; 3. F. Massa; 4. M. Webber;
5. S. Vettel; 6. R. Barrichello; 7. K. Nakajima; 8. H. Kovalainen



2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 6 of 18)

Driver’s
L. Hamilton 38
K. Raikkonen 35
F. Massa 34
R. Kubica 32
N. Heidfeld 20

Constructors
Ferrari 69
McLaren 53
BMW Sauber 52
Red Bull 15
Williams 15

Felipe’s Kastle

Once again the F1 outing at Istanbul was fairly sanguine… With Scuderia Ferrari putting on another clinique, as Felipe Massa scored his third Pole and Victory in a row in Turkey, a feat that hasn’t been accomplished since Michael Schumacher did so at, aghast, the USGP. (2003-04-05*-06) Well, actually Herr Schumacher WON the USGP four straight years in a row, including the infamous 2005 Michelin tyre DEBACLE… While also becoming the very first driver to ever WIN FIVE times at the Speedway, (2000, 2003-06) but I digress…

Perhaps I’m just trying to watch too bleepin’ muchoe race coverage, since with the euphoria of Indy Pole Day along with the Turkish GP, I seem to be having trouble remembering exactly what grabbed my fancy from Istanbul…

Although I found it ironic to hear Bob Varsha describing Massa’s domination as an Istanbul Massacre, or was that deliberate by Mr. Varsha?

As I’ve previously mentioned, the Turk’s have been busy bombing the buh-jesus outta the Kurd’s (Can you say higher crude oil prices?) and to date REFUSE to recognize the word Genocide in regards to the savage butchery or acknowledge the Armenian Massacre (Holocaust) of 1.0-1.5 million Armenian’s (Approx.) between 1915-17, with the anniversary being considered April 4, 1915.

But once again I digress, so back to the racing action, as impressively Heikki Kovalainen secured his very first front row starting position after his massive shunt two weeks ago at Barcelona, while row two saw the potential 2008 World Champion protagonists lining up, with Hamilton getting the nod over the Iceman. Even more impressive? Was the fact that both Red Bull runners made it into Q3, albeit by the time it came around, Coulthard had already used up his allotment of “soft” option tires and both drivers made only last minute runs with Webber grabbing 6th place behind the Heavy Hitters…

I did enjoy the comments between Professor Matchett and Peter Winsor over the slickness of their past race teams, when Matchett was discussing the mistakes of Toyota crew members using the radio to tell Jarno to pit at Barcelona when nothing was wrong with his car.

This led to Winsor telling a story about Patrick Head screaming into the radio for Nelson Piquet to PIT- PIT- PIT… F%%KING BLOODY PIT!!! As Peter noted that Messer Head got so enraged that he threw off his headset in disgust, before it was discovered he was NOT pushing the transmit button…

Which segways nicely with the best (Only?) Radio intercept of the race
Toyota Engineer to Jar no; “You’re 3 seconds behind DC and NICO’s a further +1 seconds, try to catch up to them…

Truly: “I’m pushing like HELL!” (YOU BLEEPIN’ IDIOT!)

Another excellent comment came from Messer Winsor in regards to the very KOOL thermal imaging camera that was used for the very first time during qualifying and then again during the race…

As the House of Winsor asked during qualifying; What colour is it showing for Nico Rosberg’s head? As there’s smoke pouring out of his helmet right now after not being able to make it into the Q3 final “Qualie” session…

And according to Ferrari’s Felipe Massa upon his Turkish hat trick, during the post race interview hosted by none other than SPEED’s Peter Winsor;

Q: Felipe, you like winning from pole. The Turkish Grand Prix always results in a winner from pole and everything delivered for you today.

Felipe Massa: It is just fantastic. Today was a very difficult race actually and Lewis was pushing me hard a lot for the whole race. Then when I did my pit-stop he was there straight away, so I thought maybe he had put less fuel in or something. I then realised and my team told me straight away he was on three stops. For sure, that was a little bit of help as he was very strong and I couldn't hold him on the track and he passed me. But then I knew I still had a good chance to win the race as three stops were a little bit optimistic. But anyway I created a reasonable gap to be at the front after the pit stops. It was difficult, but we made it three times in Turkey which is just fantastic…

“I think I can get a passport here already!”

Qualifying Results
Pole: F. Massa; 2. H. Kovalainen; 3. L. Hamilton; 4. K. Raikkonen;
5. R. Kubica; 6. M. Webber; 7. F. Alonso; 8. J. Trulli; 9. N. Heidfeld;
10. D. Coulthard

Race Results
Winner: F. Massa; 2. L. Hamilton; 3. K. Raikkonen; 4. R. Kubica;
5. N. Heidfeld; 6. F. Alonso; 7. M. Webber; 8. N. Rosberg

2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 5 of 18)

Driver’s
K. Raikkonen 35
F. Massa 28
L. Hamilton 28
R. Kubica 24
N. Heidfeld 20

Constructors
Ferrari 63
BMW Sauber 44
McLaren 42
Williams 13
Red Bull 10

F1 Qualifying revision

VERRY SADLY, with the unfortunate demise of the little team that could… As Aguri Suzuki ceased operations of Super Aguri F1 this past week after Honda executives scuttled plans of a rescue package put forth by the Wiegel Group, we’re now left with only 10 F1 Constructors and thus Formula 1 knockout qualifying has been adjusted.

With only 20 cars participating, the first two sessions will see a reduction of one car being eliminated, as only five cars will be “bumped” out of advancing from the first two rounds of qualifying. Thus “Q1” will see positions 1-15 moving onto “Q2,” while the final “Qualie” session “Q3” will feature positions 1-10 fighting for the pole position…

We’ll MISS YUH “Super Best Friends!”

Radio Czech

Although I’ve tossed it around previously with a fellow motorsports enthusiast, apparently we weren’t alone as Radovan Novak dropped his little bombshell during a recent interview on Radio Impuls being broadcasted over Czech Republic airwaves…

Messer Novak managed to hint that perhaps McLaren was responsible for the divulging of Sir Maxxum’s Helga be a good prisoner sex-capades…

After all, the Ronster and MAD Max have never been drinking buddies and Mosley was instrumental in seeing that Ron’s fabled racing team was lightened of $100m large from his wallet along with loosing all Constructor’s points and, Egad! Having to line-up at the very tail end of the grid in P11; as in BEHIND Force India. To which Dennis could be heard muttering all the way from the top of the Paragon motor palace; “You’ve got to be BLOODY JOKING!!!”

Of course, Mr. Novak has since gone into full denial mode over his recent comments, to which the Ronster issued the following statement;

"We have written to Mr. Novak and are currently considering the appropriate route via which the remarks that have been attributed to him may be withdrawn or corrected."
Dennis went on to deny Novak's suggestion in no uncertain terms.
"As I have consistently said whenever I have been asked about this, I categorically deny that I have anything to do with the News of the World investigation into Mr. Mosley," he said. "Neither does anyone connected with the McLaren Group or the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes team, and neither does any agent or any other party acting on behalf of myself or anyone connected with the McLaren Group or the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes team."

It is worth noting that Mr. Novak is a longtime member of the FIA as well as a staunch supporter of Mr. Mosley, and currently holds the posts of General-Secretary of the Autoclub of the Czech Republic (ACCR) and President of the FIA's Central European Zone. (CEZ)

Thus it seems a tad odd that an FIA member is floating “Trial Balloon” statements upon public airwaves, unless he was inspired by his close ally Sir Maxxum? Novak has also claimed that the World Motor Sport Council held a straw poll towards whether or not Mr. Mosley should remain in office, claiming that there were six undecided, with nine each for and against Mosley with Sir Maxxum and Emperor Bernardo not being present…

But one must indeed wonder… HMM? McLaren Mercedes, isn’t Mercedes Benz a German firm? Is it possible that Norbert Haag could be able to contact some very nice Frauleins and ask: Meine Freunde kleine Wurst, Frau bitte finden!

It’s just a thought, since Mosley seems to have unfairly gone after McLaren while letting Flavour Flav and the Reggie slide.

Spanish Flies

Amazingly Heikki Kovalainen escaped Un-Injured from his massive crash during the Spanish Grand Prix…
-
As fortunately FIA mandated safety design standards have vastly improved driver’s chances of survivability in today’s F1 racing cars. Imagine if this had been the 1980’s when driver’s lower extremities were placed far forwards of the front axle centerline…

Yet for those of us who watched a fairly processional Spanish GP, we were momentarily stunned by Heikki Kovalainen’s massive shunt against the tire barrier thru a 140mph corner…

According to Ron Dennis and Martin Whitemarsh, the team suspects that a “rogue” piece of stone somehow lodged itself between the front tire rim and suspension, as a sudden, unexplained loss of air pressure sent the hurtling McLaren straight thru the sand trap, impailing the stricken MP4-23 underneath the tire barrier… As it took ten minutes to dislodge Heikki from the cockpit of his heavily wrecked McLaren, which miraculously he would escape without injury!

Once again I found Friday’s second practice session TV coverage more informative then Saturday’s qualifying program, albeit Fredrico Suave did NOT disappoint his fellow countrymen, with a light tanks go for broke qualifying run in the dramatic Q3 Final “Qualie” session…

Paddock notes
Peter Winsor noted how glad he was to have his job and how good it was to see Bernie Ecclestone strolling the paddock, making sure that the F1 team’s palatial “Motor Coaches” were all parked perfectly a half inch away from each other…

Super Aguri was extended a further Grand Prix as it appears that its buy-out from the Magma Group has fallen apart. Honda F1’s boss Nick Fry said that Honda had paid a further 2.0 million Euros for the tiny “B-Team” to race this weekend, but don’t expect any further funding at Turkey…

Various discussions were made about the new aero treatments several teams were running, most notably Honda’s “Rabbit-ears,” NOT to be confused with last years version of “Elephant-ears” which Steve Matchett claimed the team had to discontinue because they were so UGLY!

Professor Matchett also discussed Renault’s new Dorsal Fin treatment on the spine of the rear engine cover a la Red Bull Racing; For more info see Speed TV’s chalkboard section…

While poised to become the most experienced man in Formula 1, Honda’s Rubens Barrichello completed two race distances back-to-back during the most recent test at Barcelona, a feat of 150 laps…

The House of Winsor noted how card playing has become all the rage in the F1 Paddock, as “Fishy-fella,” Tonio Luzzi, both BMW-Sauber boyzs and Ferdi the Putz, a.k.a. Alonso have all taken to playing poker until 11:30PM every Saturday night, while Giancarlo Fisichella is the man to beat…

Adrian Newey’s Red Bull version of the Scuderia Toro Rosso STR-03 is still on track to debut at Turkey despite Bourdais’s big crash…

And speaking of the Hamburgular, a.k.a. Sebastain Bourdeax (Bourdais) he’s managed to steal a better qualifying position ahead of more experienced teammate Sebastian Vettel once again, along with beating senior F1 driver DC!

And it was funny to see the Force India F1 team atop the time sheets for a long portion of Friday’s second practice session, with “Fisi” leading Adrian Sutil, who were then split by The Iceman… Before “Kazoo” Nakajima jumped to the top with Nico Rosberg hot on his heels, before the Spanish crowd went ecstatic with homeboy Fredrico Suave and Nelson Nelson of the Renault squad taking their turn at the top of the page…

But as Sir Jackie (Stewart) so bluntly pointed out on Peter Winsor’s grid walk, NOBODY would beat Kimi Raikkonen from pole… As he became the eighth driver in a row to win from the coveted grid position at Barcelona…

And while Alonso delighted the 132,000+ Spanish spectators, his engine finally “DONE BLOWN UP!” while running in the points… As it had been previously pointed out that engines were reported to cost a cool $250,000 Euros a copy. What’s that David? About $400k large greenbacks Bob Varsha quipped…


Qualifying results
Pole: Kimi Raikkonen; 2. Fernando Alonso; 3. Felipe Massa; 4. Robert Kubica; 5. Lewis Hamilton; 6. Heikki Kovalainen; 7. Mark Webber; 8. Jarno Trulli: 9. Nick Heidfeld; 10. Nelson Piquet Jr

Race results
Winner: K. Raikkonen; 2. F. Massa; 3. L. Hamilton; 4. R. Kubica;
5. M. Webber; 6. Jenson Button: 7. Kazuki Nakajima; 8. J. Trulli

2008 F1 Point Standings

(Round 4 of 18)

Driver’s
K. Raikkonen 29
L. Hamilton 20
R. Kubica 19
F. Massa 18
N. Heidfeld 16
H. Kovalainen 14


Constructors
Ferrari 47
BMW Sauber 35
McLaren 34
Williams 12
Red Bull 8

Mosley standing tall

NO Jokes about a certain portion of Messer Maxums anatomy here… What’s that song about; Cry me a River, Nile? As it has now come to light that MAD MAX Mosley has accepted an invitation to attend the Jordanian round of the World Rally Championship (April 24-27) which is the first time that Rally Cars have raced in the desert since 1975. Hence, this diversionary trip shields Mosley nicely from running afoul of his flock of Seagulls, Err, supporters (nee CRITICS) in Barcelona…

As perhaps I’m the only “Juan” who finds it a bit humourous that Sir Maxxum is touting his business as usual mantra by seeking refuge in the desert oasis of Jordan, having accepted Prince Feisal Al Hussein’s invitation for the WRC event. Perhaps Al Husseinhas offered him to partake in a spirited round of Whack-em-mo-ball, a sport curiously akin to Polo and Cricket I’m told. Or if the heats too much for MAD MAX, perhaps he can cool off with a nice glass of ice tea while settling down to a pleasant game of tiddlie-winks with some of the Prince’s Desert Rose’s, eh?

Psst, Sir Maxxum… Did you see the Wind Tunnel interview with one of your closest allies, Paul Stoddart… It was a great interview saying how he’d be happy to come back into Formula 1 as soon as your head has been served up on a platter and how anybody else would have done the sensible thing and RESIGNED by now. But Mosley ain’t going anywhere soon, decreeing that he’d like to finish out his term and stay in office until 2009 before moving onto greener pastures. Wonder if Sir Maxxum will be popping up at the Hockenheimring this summer…

Bahrain Sand Dunes

I’d have to say that with the continuing Maxxum-gate and the St. Pete Indy Car race, my thoughts have been wandering like the shifting sands of the Bahrain Kingdom, which still amazes me that the entire Island nation is smaller than the square footage of the neighboring Saudi Arabia airport…

Thus I found Friday’s practice session to be fairly non-descript, besides the re-hashing of Max Mosley’s Pictionary games. Although I found it a bit funny to hear how Professor Matchett’s ex co-worker (John Wheatley) and crew chief of some guy named Schumacher’s at Benetton had been called before the FIA to explain the rash of Red Bull’s suspension failures and whether or not the chassis were indeed safe?

I also enjoyed hearing Peter Winsor’s recanting of the Williams team fooling the FIA scrutineers over the mirror’s rearward visibility, saying that they’d had an Engineer hooked up to a radio to say yes… As the steward scurried about the rear of the car as Adrian Newey had positioned the mirrors in an outward’s location in favour of aerodynamics vs. driver’s visibility. As this had all come up over DC’s less than complimentary comments over the radio we’d been allowed to hear.

And the comment towards The Krakow Kid (Robert Kubica) deciding to loose six kilos of weight off his rakish thin frame in order to help the BMW Sauber team play with ballast is simply astounding! (6 kilos = 13.23lbs) As I always find this utterly amazing when drivers go to such measures in the vain of ultimate car performance…

Then with 8 minutes to go Lewis Hamilton slid over a kerb and slammed sideways into the tire wall, ripping the front wheel and suspension mounts clean off his chassis, to which the McLaren mechanics would stay at the track until 4:30AM building up a new vehicle, as the FIA has STUPIDLY Banned the use of spare chassis this season. Although the teams are allowed to bring spare monocoque’s (tubs) they’re not allowed to be built-up units and thus the McLaren boys worked late into the night building up a new chassis for Hamilton as he’d tweaked the sensitive bonded suspension pick-up points into disrepair, as well as both Louise’s and Heikki’s cars having issues with their transmissions… Ah, the life of an F1 mechanic, eh?

Yet the only surprise of Q1 Qualifying was the Hamburgular outpacing his teammate, the German hot schue Sebastian Vettel, as Sea Bass’s 9th time held up for P16 as the runners completed their flying laps, thus Bourdais made his way forward into Q2, out qualifying Vettel for the first time this season.

And the usual suspects made their way forwards from Q2 into the final Q3 Qualie session, although it was “Jense’s” first time this far up the grid in quite some time.

And I don’t know about you, but I really enjoy the camaraderie that the Three Amigos in the SPEED TV Formula 1 broadcast booth have developed, as Bob Varsha and David Hobbs have been friend and broadcasting colleagues for several years, thus I broke into laughter when Hobbo claimed that ‘Ol Phil Massa was lurking like a Spectre over Louise’s shoulder towards the final Qualie session… Which caused Varsha to chide the elder Hobb’s: NO more coffee for you. (Sunshine)

As although Massa had been blindingly quick the whole qualifying session, he was pipped by Kubica at the very end of the session by less than three one-hundred’s of a second, which gave both the Krakow Kid and BMW Sauber their very first Pole position, which of course caused Varsha to make the requisite Pole on Pole jokes…

Although it was later revealed that it was the very first time in Sauber’s 15yrs as a Constructor and the first time that a new team and driver had garnered the honours since Rubens Barrichello scored the REAL EJ’s (Eddie Jordan) first Pole in 1994.

Thus the grid formed up with Kubica on Pole, Massa in P2, with Hamilton third with the Iceman Kimi alongside in fourth. Row three saw Heikki ahead of Quick Nick in the second BMW Sauber. Row four was an all Toyota engine affair with Toyota’s Trulli “Scrumptious joined by Williams Nico Rosberg, with Jense’s Honda lining up in P9 with the affable Spaniard Alonso slotted in tenth.

Yet Kubica’s moment in the spotlights was soon finished, as Phil Massa sprang like a champagne cork and took the lead, immediately screaming off into the distance on the first of his many hot laps. But the commotion of lap one fell to Hamilton’s unusual lack of pace as the lights went green, dropping from P3 all the way back to tenth, even worse, being stuck behind his favourite dancing partner… Some dude named Fredrico Suave… Who I believe gave the young Louise a patented Ferdi (Hi) Jink as we witnessed Hamilton clouting into the rear of Alonso’s slower Renault which demolished Lewis’s front nose and effectively ruined his race…

After these shenanigans settled down and Professor Matchett pointed out the large chunk of rear wing missing from Ferdi’s rear wing… The race settled down into somewhat procession-like running, although there was an entertaining dust-up between Button and DC. And the comments about DC’s mirrors of course came into the fray as well as Jense not having too far to drive as he’s taken up residence in the Bahrain Kingdom something to do with not having to pay taxes… Although it seems a bit galling to think that this little Island can successfully host a GP with a maximum attendance of 34,000 spectators, while Tony’s ‘lil Sandbox isn’t good enough for Emperor Bernardo…

And speaking of Coulthard, he earned the word of the week, when describing kerb hopping as; Kerb Strike.

Thus as the Ferrari boyzs traded fastest laps and drove off into the sunset, the BMW Sauber teammates were left to scrum over the final podium position, which Kubica held onto, while Massa redeemed himself with the Italian press by convincingly winning over Raikkonen.

Kimi’s second place finish propelled him into the championship points lead while Hamilton’s 13th place finish. (His career worst) dropped him to third in the standings, while Kubica’s podium coupled with Heidfeld’s fourth place sees BMW Sauber take the Constructor’s points lead by one point over the Scuderia, who lead McLaren by a further one point, as we’ll now have a three week break for everyone to get rested up before the European season kicks-off in Barcelona…


Driver’s Point Standings
K. Raikkonen 19
N. Heidfeld 16
L. Hamilton 14
R. Kubica 14
H. Kovalainen 14


Constructors Points Standings
BMW Sauber 30
Ferrari 29
McLaren 28

Jimmy Clark

While we all prattle on about Sir Maxxum’s promiscuity…

Sadly, today marks the 40th Anniversary of one of Formula 1’s greatest driver’s death, as Jimmy Clark perished in a non-championship F2 race at Hockenheim this very day four decades ago…

Singapore tests lighting

This interesting article about continuing preparations in Singapore while busily working away to get ready for the very first Formula 1 race held at nighttime was sent to me courtesy of Arizona Bureau Chief Mary Jane and you may wish to check it out…

Singapore testing Formula 1 lighting system

Schuey to help spend Dennis’s money

Interestingly Michael Schumacher has been appointed as part of the F1 working group that will oversee the dispensing of the $60 million penalty that McLaren will pay to the FIA in regards to last year’s Stepney-gate spy scandal…

FIA changing Qualifying again

In regards to the shenanigans of the McLaren F1 drivers Heikki ‘N Louise messing up Quick Nick’s and Fredrico Suave’s final flying lap in Q3 qualifying at Malaysia, the FIA has announced that it will indeed require all drivers to return to the pit lane on their slow down lap at a specified speed, which will be announced prior to qualifying. Look for something like a 120% lap time equivalent required for drivers trying to save fuel on their way back to Parc Ferme after the chequered flag has been waved for final qualifying, beginning this weekend at Bahrain…

Is Louise human after all?

Ok, so I know some of Lewis Hamilton’s maladies in Koala Lumpar were beyond his control, nevertheless his five place grid spot penalty in qualifying dropped him to his lowest starting position since Germany last year when he crashed heavily into the tyre barriers…

Rushing up to fifth place, Hamilton was basically unable to get around the notoriously hard to pass Mark Webber and subsequently grained his tires trying to do so. Then a messy 18+ second pit stop caused by an un-cooperating front wheel spat assembly dropped him even further down the order.

Hamilton did indeed go further on his second stint due to the heavier amount of petrol aboard his mount and the usual superb McLaren pit-stop enabled him to shuffle ahead of the most irksome Aussie, leaving him free to nip at the heels of Jarno Tulli’s reborn Toyota. Although “Jaguar” got very close to the Italian who was chasing his first podium in his last 50 starts, the two drivers remained stationary to the flag.

So, with two rounds gone, I know it’s way too early to make any predictions about who’ll be the 2008 World Champion, although may I suggest that Hamilton and Raikkonen seem to have that air of superiority in their step, especially when being interviewed. And I’ll give the Krakow Kid the nod for third over Felipe Massa, with Nick Heidfeld leading the rest of the grid in driver’s standings, although Heikki Kovalainen may be quick to disagree with me, eh?

While I’ll be happy with either Hamilton or Raikkonen winning the title, I’d prefer to see the Iceman claim his second crown so he could join the very distinguished list of two time consecutive World Champions…

Malaysia madness

OOPS! In all of my excitement of watching and reflecting upon the Australian GP, I forgot to watch the Friday free practice session aired late Thursday evening on SPEED. Not to mention NOT being able to figure out why the recording machine wouldn’t tape the qualifying and race episodes… Oh SHEISA!!! That’s right, the VCR is screwed ‘cause Daylight $avings time has been modified! Fortunately I was able to watch the Qualie session “live” and the re-broadcasted race while y’all were busy searchin’ for Easter eggs…

And there didn’t seem to be too much news, although Peter Winsor noted that the main Talking Point in the garage was the FIA deciding to put Red Bull on notice over the disintegrating suspension failures that David Coulthard has endured over the past two weeks.

Winsor noted that a McLaren design employee who’d remain nameless had scoffed that they used to add 25% more material to all of Adrian Newey’s designs (when he wasn’t around) to ensure chassis reliability… Yet the FIA has painted itself into somewhat of a corner, having previously deemed the RB4 crash worthy upon it’s passing of the current regulations, as there’s currently no structural integrity tests required for suspension components.

And Winsor noted that it was indeed blistering on the grid as the 90+ degrees, 85% humidity had him sweating profusely, while the drivers seemed to not be too bothered by the oppressive heat.

And in a reversal of fortunes, the Prancing Horse managed to lock-up the front row with Felipe Massa scoring his tenth career pole position with teammate Kimi Raikkonen alongside. Originally McLaren’s Heikki Kovalainen and Lewis Hamilton had secured the grid places of third and fourth, but the stewards deemed them to have both been on the racing line on their cool down laps while we watched Nick Heidfeld trying to get around them on a last lap flyer… Along with Fredrico Suave, thus both McLaren drivers were docked five grid positions for their indiscretions...

This elevated Truly Scrumptious (Jarno Truly) to third with The Krakow Kid (Kubica) alongside in fourth. Quick Nick (Heidfeld) who’s been slightly outperformed by his teammate lined up P5 with Mark “Dundee” Weber lining up sixth. And isn’t it funny how some Putz named Alonso cannot manage to get away from the McLarens… As Ferdi was in P7 alongside Renault refugee Kovalainen, while Hamilton was joined by Timo Glock on row five.

Nelson Nelson managed to improve his qualifying pace, lining up in 12th, while the Hamburgular wasn’t having such a good time in the oppressive heat of Kuala Lumpar, as Bourdais suffered a brake failure, an engine change, along with being fined over $6,000 for two pit lane speeding tickets.

As the lights turned green, Felipe Massa performed some Herr Schumacher surgery on the Iceman at the start of the race to keep the lead, while not too many fireworks occurred behind the red cars scrum, “Louise Jaguar” (Hamilton) managed to work his way up to fifth behind Mark Webber’s Red Bull chassis.

And I enjoyed the House of Winsor’s cynical comment about how perhaps the young Louise was simply awaiting a brake explosion or suspension failure from the Red Bull car and didn’t wish to get to close to the reportedly hard to pass Aussie… While Massa and Raikkonen traded fast laps while pulling away from the field.

Then the dreaded announcer’s curse was bestowed upon the young Brazilian, as David Hobbs stated that the Ferrari’s absolutely had the field spotted, Massa pirouetted off into the sand trap and beached himself while trying to keep pace with The Iceman, who’d gotten around Felipe during the first round of pit stops. Raikkonen had just blistered the field with a 1:36.1 lap with new second place runner Kubica managing a 1:37.6!

From thereon out, Kimi cruised home to his 16th career victory, coming on the fifth anniversary of his very first Formula 1 win at the same venue. Kubica took second with Kovalainen claiming the final podium position. Jarno Truly came home an impressive fourth ahead of Hamilton…


Driver standings
Hamilton 14
Heidfeld 11
Raikkonen 11
Kovalainen 10
Kubica 8

Thunder Down Under

CRIKEYS MATES!!!

That seems to be about the only thing I can think of that appropriately sum’s up the 2008 Formula 1 season opening race just held in the Land of Oz!


Friday practice notes
The Boyzs are Back
The Boyzs are Back…

Now it must “Trulli” be Spring as the SPEED TV gang is back once again to bring us the magnificent sights ‘N sounds of Formula 1! And although they’re not quite the boys of summer, I’ll take the Quartet of Bob Varsha, David Hobbs, Steve Matchett and Peter Winsor ANY day OVER the chalkboard high pitched noise machine affectionately known as the RASSCAR RAT PACK! (Mr. Boogity; DW, Larry Mac ‘N Cheese, Jeffery Arm & Hammond, Kenny “The Beaver” Wallace and Jimmy Mr. Goodbar Spencer)

Vijay Malia’s massive cash infusion into the new & improved Force India F1 team has the squad so enthused, that Chief Technical Officer Mike Gascoyne has brashly stated that if the VJ-M01 isn’t vastly up the grid by the season’s third quarter mark, then he should be fired! Careful of what you wish for MATE! Then again he’s pretty proficient at “Gardening Leave,” eh? Ah, don’t uze just lov’s the smell ‘O enthusiasm? Kinda like those new car deodorants you hang around your car mirror as the beginning of a new season bubbles over with optimism…

My very favourite Pit Reporter (Peter Winsor) was his usual krack-up-self, while interviewing Renault head designer Bob Bell, saying c’mon Bob when are you gonna win? To which Bell replied if they don’t get cracking this season then he’ll probably need to borrow Messer Gascoyne’s seeking employment want ads. And while discussing his much beloved adaptation of the SECU, Winsor rhetorically asked; do you mean drivers may actually have to de-clutch once again?

Winsor’s next target of affection was Honda test driver Alex Wurz, as a good bit of shtick was dolled out over Wurz’s needing to wear sunglasses while missing out on the Honda bloomer’s…

To which Varsha quickly quipped; Honda’s green-green shorts would get his vote as Team Schrek!

And speaking of bloomers, from the Varsha WAY TOO MUCH INFO files came the tidbits of David Coulthard’s shopping junket Down Under, claiming that DC has a penchant for buying up to forty pairs ‘O boxers, size small… To which quickly deteriorated into a bad skit by “Hobbo” over seeing Flavor Flav in a pair ‘O briefs while pooh-pooh-ing Briatore’s impending wedding to Victoria Secret supermodel Deanna Miller…

To which Matchett tried to awkwardly segway into much more serious techno-babble over the miniscule ride height adjustments the teams were currently making in the garages. Yet it is amazing how mechanics are constantly at work shimming the suspensions between half and one millimeter which makes crucial aerodynamic changes. Professor Matchett proclaimed that half of a millimeter is approximately the thickness of a hard back novel’s page… While the teams will need to add shimming to raise the chassis in proportion to the amount of fuel added, as the extra weight actually forces the chassis downwards.

Matchett also commented on the BMW Sauber’s front nose treatment by naming it the Bullwinkle treatment, in regards to the addition of the Viking style appendages that first adorned McLaren’s air box a few seasons ago, by placing a smaller pair of protrusions over the front suspension uprights.

There also seemed to be some confusion over the 2008 rules as Varsha noted that there’s NO spare car this year, although I heard it mentioned that somebody was in their team’s spare chassis for the race. And leave it to the WMSC to make the rules as clear as mud on a rainy day… As although Varsha is theoretically correct, the rules state that teams are allowed only two complete chassis at any given time, yet one may build up a new car as long as the engine and transmission along with all of the other nefarious FIA sealed bits remain intact in the changeover. Although I do NOT like this new rule as there is simply NOT enough flexibility to ensure a “Full” grid of 22 chassis. Nevertheless I suppose this rule was concocted under the aspics of MAD Max’s beloved cost cutting measures, while really trying to persuade drivers from committing any further Senna-Prost intentional crashing shenanigans.

I was also unaware that if you change your transmission prior to its mandatory four race weekend’s duty cycle you will receive a five grid spot penalty, a la premature engine changes, although this year teams are granted a “Mulligan” on the draconian 10 grid spot penalty. And while engine design has been frozen thru 2010, the manufactures are required to run 5.75% biomass fuel content this season as the FIA sheepishly tries to turn green, also having cut the Q3 fuel burning segment.

And I’d also not heard about the 2009 rules changes which will see a massive 50% reduction in aerodynamics, which will see the deletion of many of the countless winglets, flip-ups and aerodynamic aids…

Varsha also proclaimed that Renault new boy Nelson Piquet Jr was no longer wishing to be known as Junior or Senior and apparently will go by the nickname Nelson Nelson… As there will be NO more Junior biz.


Saturday Qualie-Quips
Some of you may already know about the newly revised Qualifying format, which thankfully sees the deletion of the Q3 fuel burning phase… (Note to Tony George, way to go on ADDING laps to Oval qualifying this season) Thus last years three segments of 15-15-15 minutes has been revised to Q1: 20minutes; Q2: 15 and Q3: 10, while all of the other previous rules still apply, i.e.; laps started prior to the checkered flag count and race fuel loads for the top ten must be in the tanks prior to the beginning of Q3, with positions 11-22 being allowed to re-adjust their fuel ballast up to 90 minutes prior to the green flag.

I’d say that the biggest disappointment of Q1 had to be Nelson Nelson not being able to haul his way up to P16, being relegated to a 21st starting position. Hmm? Hey Flavio, now what do you think about making Heikki walk the plank.

And speaking of Renault, reportedly the “Reggie” is paying Fernando Alonso $46 million per season to drive the Bleu machines, while the rumours of Ferrari driver shuffles has once again been wound-up, with German Hot Schue Sebastian Vettel’s name also being cast about. Oh crap, here we go again! And it’s NOT even anywhere’s near the official start of Silly Season, SHEISA!

And what in the HELL happened to the Kimster in Q2? As apparently Raikkonen had a fuel pressure problem, to which The House of Winsor immediately jumped on by proclaiming he was putting his cynical cap on… To which Varsha chided, Who, You? What me worry? While Peter went into his bad Italian accent, quickly proclaiming that it OBVIOUSLY had something to do with the McLaren/Microsof Common ECU control unit…

And Ferdi the Putz was uncharacteristically out of the top ten for only the second time since 2006, while Homeboy Mark Webber was bitterly disappointed to have suffered a front brake disc explosion, as I had a moment of brilliance upon nicknaming Robert Kubica as “The Krakow Kid” upon Varsha’s repeated comments of the Pole’s residence.

So it was a somewhat jumbled starting grid with Lewis Hamilton gaining his seventh pole, followed by Kubica. Kovalainen lined up third with Felipe Massa in fourth while Kimi was forced to settle for 15th. Quick Nick Heidfeld was 5th with Toyota’s Jarno Trulli in 6th. Row Four was filled by Nico Rosberg and David Coulthard, while Timo Glock slotted into P9 and Vettel rounded out the top ten…


Sunday Race notes
”Sunday driver NEVER took a test, out in the wild, wild, west!”

I’m NOT even gonna try to rehash the massive carnage of the race as there were simply too many incidents to cover, from Jarno Trulli’s “Hot Bot,” due to an exploding battery. The antics of Drivers being Drivers by having a multiple car melee on the first lap after the winter’s break… The Iceman loosing his cool by slithering off track twice; “The Krakow Kid’s” untimely undoing behind the safety car by Nakajima, along with poor ‘Ol Rubinoe’s fueling rig schumozzle… Aye Karumba!

As Professor Matchett was “Johnny-on-the-spot” catching Barrichello’s red light running, of which he was correctly DQ’ed one hour after the race, which means that the Australian GP saw only six classified runners at the chequered flag, tying the lowest number since the 2005 USGP Michelin Tyre debacle!

Yet in the end it was business as usual for Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton who thoroughly dominated the race, with Quick Nick and Nico on the podium. It was genuinely nice to see Hamilton hug his karting buddy Rosberg in congratulation’s of scoring his first F1 career podium, as Lewis eluded to during the post race interview it was the first time in eight years they’d shared a podium since their go karting days…

Word of the Week
“

El Twich-Oe”

Or as David Hobbs proclaimed meant extremely twitchy in El Spanol, while watching Fredrico Suave cutting a rug with the underperforming Renault R28, as I’m still not exactly sure what’s up with all of this talk about Ferdi’s differential giving him grief, as I thought it was Heikki Kovalainen in the McLaren…

Best “Dust Up”
Of the weekend has to go to the scrap between Fredrico and Heikki as Messer Hobbs duly noted that Alonso would be most desperate to keep the McLaren of Finnish new boy Heikke behind him, as the Ronster was forced to wipe the smile off of his mug after Kovalainen’s late race pass for fourth place was gifted back to the Spaniard upon Heikke inadvertently hitting the pit lane speed limiter…

Yet Alonso’s fourth place should have gone to the Hamburgular (Sebastian Bourdais) whose Ferrari lump went KUH-BLAMOE! With only two laps remaining, as I find it most odd to be suddenly rooting for the former Champ Car champ-pee-on! Yet he managed to avoid trouble and was leading the two time World Champion and Heikke’s McLaren in the closing laps before the McLaren boffins cut the spark to the 2.4 liter Ferrari V-8!

And it was so nice to NOT have to listen to Fredrico in the post race interviews!

Parade Lap

FORMULA 1 THIS WEEKEND ON SPEED!

HOT DAMM! Time to put away the snow shoes, log off of ze internets and settle down for a long weekend of staring at the telie…

Can you believe that its time to kick off another Formula 1 season? And I must say that this year should be quite good with what appears to be more teams potentially trading places upon the top podium step.

Once again, I’ve spent the whole winter reading various pundits’ predictions of who’ll be the driver/chassis to beat. Yet, I’ve tried to purposely stay unmoved over the weekly scribbling's of the Winter Olympics. (Phrase used for describing the antics of teams manipulating the F1’s winter testing time sheets)

But, it does indeed appear that the Ferrari’s look blazingly quick once again along with the McLaren’s. Williams, BMW-Sauber’s and Renault’s who’ve all spent time at the front of the pack. Although I’d expect this year to be even more of a Donnybrook between the top level teams, while the verdict is still out on Honda, whose cars have continued to pound around near the tail end of the winter time sheets, although both Jense and Rubinoe claim the car much more easier to drive vs. last year’s dud. And Williams continues to outshine its factory backed Big Brother Toyota.

Red Bull racing also hopes to have solved its chassis reliability problems with this year’s RB4 while its little sister Scuderia Toro Rosso has spent considerable time running towards the mid-pack with its Sebastian brothers driver pairing.

Super Aguri is definitely the largest unknown quantity this season with its lack of winter testing while trying to find sponsorship and having only run it’s 2008 challenger sparingly.

My personal favourite for “Underdog of the Year” is still the Spyker F1, Err, Force India Team F1, as it appears that the team is finally pointed in the right direction after its latest ownership change and the massive infusion of cash from Vijay Malia.

Yet, ironically this will be the first time in eons that I will be somewhere else instead of firmly affixed before the boob tube on the opening weekend of Formula 1…

While in Japan, my good friend Yutaka noted that since I’m now rooting for nearly half of the grid. Perhaps this is a signal that my enthusiasm for F1 is waning?

Yet, I’m still hoping that “Jense” will pull a rabbit out of his crash helmet? Can “Fishy-fella” miraculously score India’s first Grand Prix win? Or witch of the Scuderia Marlboro brothers will win this time in Oz?

Will Quick Nick get out pipped by the speedy “Pole or finally give BMW their first victory as an F1 Constructor? Or will Fredrico Suave return Flavour Flav back to the winner’s circle? And having gone against my sentimental choice of The Iceman last year and wrongly predicting Felipe Massa as the victor “Down Under,” I’ll skip trying to figure out this year’s winner… As long as it’s ANYBODY BESIDES Ferdi the Putz! (Alonso!)

2008 F1 Preview

Melbourne; March 16, 2008
Whale, it’s that time again, time to kick off another groovy season of Formula 1, as the yearly “Winter Olympics” months of plodding of countless kilometers by various test drivers will now cease, handing over the reigns to the teams racing drivers in order to begin another championship season…

And DON’T be fooled by McLaren being chronicled at the bottom of the grid, taking up the tail gunner position is just part of Ron Denis’s “Double Secret Probation” for his beloved Woking based squad’s Stepney-gate shenanigans.

With that being said, let’s take a gander at this season’s current pecking order while the F1 circus wings its way towards Melbourne.

Let’s get ready to rumble!


(1) Scuderia Marlboro Ferrari
With no major changes to announce, the Prancing Horse has spent the winter months consistently at the top of the winter Olympics time sheets and therefore shouldn’t be a surprise to once again challenge for both FIA Championships. Will Kimi repeat, or will Felipe take his turn as World Champion?

(Chassis/Engine/Car No. /Drivers)
F2008/Ferrari 056B
1. Kimi Raikkonen
2. Felipe Massa
Test Driver(s)
Luca Badoer
Marc Gene


(2) Team BMW Sauber F1 Team
While the BMW Sauber racing driver line-up stays unchanged, the team has added new testers Christian Klien and Marko Asmer
, with Klien filling the role of Test & Reserve driver. The F1.08 is claimed to be a radical evolution of last season’s challenger and there have been reports of the new car having some teething problems. Yet, Robert Kubica has claimed these have been ironed out and the car has been towards the top half of the winter time sheets.

F1.08/BMW P86/8
3. Nick Heidfeld
4. Robert Kubica
Test Driver(s)
Christian Klien
Marko Asmer


(3) ING Renault F1 Team
Disappointed with last year’s results, team boss Flavio Briatore took this frustration out upon the driver pairing of Fishy-fella and Rookie Heikki Kovalinen by duly replacing them with Fernando Alonso and test driver Nelson Piquet Jr, in hopes of elevating the team back to championship status.

Surprisingly, the team has taken on three testers with the announcement of Sakon Yamamoto’s addition to the team, which some F1 pundits see solely as a revenue stream. Yamamoto will feature primarily in the Renault F1 road show while Romain Grosjean and Lucas di Grassi will do the bulk of testing, with all three taking part in the 2008 GP2 championship.


R28/Renault R27B
5. Fernando Alonso
6. R-Nelson A. Piquet (Jr.)
Test Driver(s)
Romain Grosjean
Lucas di Grassi
Sakon Yamamoto


(4) AT & T Williams F1
The AT & T Williams team has been quiet over the winter, eschewing the glitz ‘N glamour of a launch party, in favour of celebrating its 30th anniversary as an F1 constructor with multiple celebratory paint schemes. Reportedly Sir Frank has sold a one third stake in his company to an Icelandic investment company, the Baugur Group, which should see a major infusion of capital invested into the team.

Nico Rosberg returns for his third season and is always a threat for points paying positions, while rookie Kazuki Nakajima is still an unknown quantity. “Kazu” brings free Toyota “lumps” to Grove, while reigning A1 GP champion Nicolas Hülkenberg joins the team alongside Narain Karthikeyan for testing duties.

FW30/Toyota RVX-08
7. Nico Rosberg
8. R-Kazuki Nakajima
Test Driver(s)
Nicolas Hülkenberg
Narain Karthikeyan


(5) Red Bull Racing
Perhaps Red Bull will poor some of its vaunted energy drink into it’s recalcitrant seamless shift gearbox’s, as Adrian Newwy seeks some much needed reliability for his latest creation, the RB4.

The team has remained stable over the winter with no major additions besides new test driver Sebastian Buemi and F1’s “Grey Beard” David Coulthard has teased us with some Winter qualie light tanks running.

RB4/Renault R27B
9. David Coulthard
10. Mark Webber
Test Driver
Sebastian Buemi


(6) Panasonic Toyota
This team continues to disappoint, as the Japanese giant seems to focus more upon its NASCAR operation then its F1 efforts, having given the Colone based squad two more seasons to shape up or ship out.

Not surprisingly, Toyota elected not to continue on with grossly overpaid Ralf Schumacher and has signed another German “Hot Schue” to take his place, the reigning GP2 champion Timo Glock. Glock previously drove for Jordan Grand Prix and has also won rookie of the year honours in Champ Car. The team has also hired Kamui Kobayashi as it’s test driver.

TF108/Toyota RVX-08
11. Jarno Trulli
12. Timo Glock
Test Driver
Kamui Kobayashi


(7) Scuderia Toro Rosso
Now known affectionately as “Team Sebastian,” Scuderia Toro Rosso looks set to move up the grid this season as reigning four time consecutive Champ Car champion Sebastian Bourdais has finally gotten his chance in F1 and looks set to nip at promising German