Schuey’s legend is born

Australian GP – Adelaide; Nov 13, 1994
Winner: Nigel Mansell, Williams-Renault
Second: Gerhard Berger, Ferrari
Third: Martin Brundle, McLaren-Peugeot

1994 F1 Driver’s Championship
1st. Michael Schumacher; Benetton-Ford, 92pts.
2nd. Damon Hill; Williams-Renault, 91pts.

And yet, as the years go by and I yearn to put another log upon the fire to warm my bones beside...

I can recall less “N less from that fateful year of 1994, (minus “Black Sunday,” a.k.a the Imola weekend & Karl Wendlinger’s ensuing accident at Monaco) except for the ecstatic reaction I received in Monterey, CA for wearing a Michael Schumacher Camel Benetton T-Shirt at the Monterey Visitor’s Center while trying to learn where all of the action was during my first foray to the Monterey Historics, as the German Fraulein gushed over my Benetton T-Shirt, even going so far as to ask me where I got it; do you wanna sell it?

Along with staying up into the wee hours (Midnight) in my little house on the Prairie, Err the countryside of then unincorporated King County... Screaming at the Telescreen, as “The Deuce” (ESPN2) was then the rights holder to the F1 Broadcasts, with Bob Varsha and David Hobbs actually calling the action “Live” from the venue, when the TV Broadcasters were required to actually call the races onsite, but I digress…

Sitting there dumbfounded and shrieking over Herr Schumacher’s collision with arch nemesis (enemy) Damion Hill… As clearly the “Terminator” put his soon to be patented “Schumi Swerve” upon the unsuspecting(?) Brit, which would lead to his very first Formula 1 Drivers World Championship being cemented in Adelaide, Australia 15yrs ago, (yesterday) as I screamed in jubilation as Schuey had done it! Besting Hill by a single point with the two rivals being 50 points clear of third place Gerhard Berger; SHEISA!

Although one could argue he wasn’t so successful in ’97 trying to give Jacques Villeneuve his patented ‘LUV-tap, eh? Aye Karumba!

And I suppose I should give Damon Hill his due, like I’ve come to grant Mika the Finn. (Hakkinen) Although something about Hill (his bushy eyebrows, perhaps?) has always rubbed me the wrong way… Kinda like Jacques O’ Lantern (Villeneuve) and DC (David Coulthard) in his younger McLaren days… As this quartet seemed to be Michael’s fiercest competition whilst searching for his crown…

As the pantheon of Formula One’s greatest Piloto’s; Mansell, Piquet, Prost and Senna had all left the scene, albeit Mansell’s brief return to breech the massive void left by Senna’s untimely demise… And thus I suppose its most ironic that Michael Schumacher’s very first career pole position didn’t occur until after Ayrton’s death at Imola, as Hakkinen battled royale against the TERMINATOR for Pole position at Monte Carlo a Fortnight later.

Thus I guess it’s somewhat even more ironic, or is that karmic? Or just synergy that like 1994, a most turbulent F1 season, we’ve just supposedly come to the conclusion of another overly dramatic season of Formula 1, not to mention the irony of Schuey’s very Championship winning mount, the Benetton-Ford B194 replete with the mysterious Option 13 Launch/Traction Control software (embedded) coming up for offer on eBay, and thus, a legend was born all those years ago, as another slipped into the abyss upon scoring his very last Grand Prix victory before wankering away at McLaren the following year when his backside apparently didn’t fit the tight confines of the doggish McLaren-Peugeot…

Toyota Quitting F1

There have been rumblings of an impending pull-out from Formula 1 by Toyota for some time now, with the decision of Williams to drop its Toyota engine supply along with the lack of signing any Drivers for next year… And this speculation heightened with Bridgestone’s shock announcement of not renewing its exclusive tyre supply contract as Japan seems destined to shun Formula 1 for the first time in years…

The news of Toyota’s decision to Quit Formula One was first reported in the Mainichi newspaper yesterday as Toyota Executives began a four day meeting in Japan, which Toyota initially denied, but it has now been widely reported that Toyota indeed will cease its participation in F1 henceforth and its another very harsh day for Grand Prix racing, especially the hundreds of employees set to lose their jobs, although there’s NO word yet on what exactly will happen to the team as Toyota’s departure now makes way for the reconstituted Sauber F1 Team to become the sports 13th entry…

Abu Dabi GP: Desert Stars

(F1 Drivers at Abu Dabi; Source: Grandprix.com)

Whale I pre-empted my recent Saturday “Qualie” teaser in honour of the tenth Anniversary of Canadian Open Wheel Star Greg Moore’s passing…

Along with the fact that I don’t recall it being an overly exciting Qualifying session, as Lewis Hamilton simply “Blitzed” the field, as it was reported that his margin of 0.667 seconds over second place Sebastian Vettel was the largest since 2005.

And “JAGUAR’s” (Hamilton) teammate “KOVY” (Kovalainen) continued his Rodney Dangerfield impersonation, as his Gearbox packed-up on the Fin in the middle of Q2, when it looked likely that Heikki would help insure a McLaren front row lockout… While ironically, as “Fredrico Suave” (Alonso) was making his final Qualifying run for Renault, the Spaniard failed to survive Q1 for the very first time in his career.

And while the Red Bull & BRAWN GP Boyz duked it out for the sharp end of the grid, they were left scrapping over P2 and beyond as Hamilton’s KERS equipped MP4-24 was unassailable, with the top two teams in this year’s Constructor’s Championship inverted; as Vettel led Mark Webber, with Rubino (Barrichello) besting ‘JENSE (Button) once again, while the Kimster (Raikkonen) was unable to advance into the final Q3 Qualie session, finishing 11th and “Fishy-Fellah” (Fisichella) was down in the doldrums once again. (P20)

Thus with Hamilton taking his fourth Pole in the last seven races and Kovalainen 13th, while Raikkonen was P11 and Fisichella starting dead last… (Some 1.5 seconds adrift of Hamilton) The odds of McLaren holding onto their narrow one point lead for third in the Constructor’s title seemed in their favour, as reportedly the difference between third and fourth is a cool $5 million…

Race
Although the Announcers, Driver’s and Media had all spent the entire weekend totally enamored by the brand new circuit (for obvious reasons) largely due to the man made Island’s sheer opulence… I found the race like qualifying to be most Anti-Climatic… Also being not overly impressed by the race itself, as Hamilton seemingly would walk away from the field with his KERS boost upon the F1 Circuses longest straightaway, three quarters of a mile in length and doubling as a future drag strip.

Yet Vettel did his best to remain within sight of the somewhat vanishing McLaren, whose lead was cut in half when “Louise” made an unforced error and thus Sebastian was able to take over the lead after running an extra two laps before pitting… But it was all for naught, as shortly thereafter Hamilton would be forced to retire with an unknown rear braking problem; as I found it most interesting that Peter Windsor reported that Lewis was running two different manufacturer’s compounds on his car; Carbon Industries at the front and Brembo on the rear…

Thus with Vettel’s stiffest competition tucked away into the air conditioned Pit garage, it was a cakewalk for the young German, building up an 18 second lead over eventual runner-up Webber, albeit new World Champion elect Button spiced up the show in the waning laps with a fairly epic duel with the Aussie over second place as the pair ran wheel to wheel, front wing endplates nearly touching, before ‘JENSE settled for the podiums final step…

Race Drive of Abu Dabi
Although Nick Heidfeld gave departing BMW Sauber its final F1 points and “BOOMER” (Sebastian Buemi) came home eighth, once again my hat’s tipped to the man of the fleeting moment; “K-Squared,” as Kamui Kobayashi once again drove an excellent race, finishing sixth, one place ahead of his senior teammate and scoring his first (and most likely last) Grand Prix points, as sadly Kobayashi now looks set to go back to being a Sushi waiter in Japan…

Kobayashi: It’s Toyota or Sushi

Top 3 - Qualifying
Pole: Lewis Hamilton
Second: Sebastian Vettel
Third: Mark Webber

Race Results
Winner: S. Vettel; 2nd: M. Webber; 3rd: J. Button; 4th: R. Barrichello;
5th: N. Heidfeld; 6th: K. Kobayashi; 7th: J. Trulli; 8th: S. Buemi.

Bridgestone out of F1 in 2010

As the inaugural Abu Dabi Grand Prix had barely come to a close, Bridgestone tyre officials announced in Japan that the Formula One’s sole rubber supplier would not seek to renew its exclusive supply deal after its current contract expires at the end of the 2010 Formula 1 season and now leaves the FIA scrambling to find a new tyre supplier for 2011 and beyond, as it seems doubtful that Goodyear would return and Michelin’s relationship with Grand Prix racing isn’t exactly rosy... Could we see a return of Italian rubber giant Pirelli?

Lapping the Yas Marina F1 Circuit

James Allen has been providing some great videos on what the upcoming Abu Dabi Grand Prix on the Yas Island Marina circuit should look like along with some thoughts upon possible lap times. For a nighttime view, click here.

Toyota drivers familiarise themselves with Abu Dhabi track

Japan’s newest Star?

Perhaps you’ve already heard that Toyota’s Test Driver Kamui Kobayashi will once again fill-in for the injured Timo Glock at this weekend’s upcoming inaugural Abu Dabi Grand Prix, as I suspect the team is using this as a further evaluation towards a Full time ride in 2010?

GP Race Debut
Ok, so it was only his very first Formula 1 race ever, albeit the weekend being of a most trying circumstance, a la wet ‘N wooly weather… But I found Toyota new boy Kamui Kobayashi’s performance at Interlagos, a track he’d never driven on before, except for video games and a exploratory “Scooter” outing prior to Free Practice to be very impressive.

Yeah, so it was only Friday, but in the battle of the Japanese Drivers; F1 Debutant Kobayashi outdueled the more experienced Williams-Toyota Kazuki Nakajima, (14th) he also finished ahead of both of the Ferrari’s who languished at the bottom of the time sheets with Raikkonen and Fisichella P18, P20 respectively, while Kobayashi wound-up a fine 13th in his second official outing, having substituted for Timo Glock in Friday Free Practice at Suzuka, which was also held in the rain.

After both Toyota’s had passed thru “Qualie One,” ( Q1) Kamui was lying a very impressive P7 in Qualie Two before Vitantonnio Luzzi stuffed his Force India into the wall on an abysmally wet track, and after a 71min Red Flag delay, Kobayashi got as high as sixth before a last moment spin saw Fernando Alonso snatching tenth in the waning moments of the session, with Kobayashi ultimately ending up 11th; as Raikkonen qualified sixth, Nakajima finished ninth and Fisichella spun out in Q1 and would start dead last. (P20)

But it was the race where Kobayashi put on his best show by holding up none other then eventual 2009 World Champion Jenson Button while driving in sixth place, as ‘JENSE would later report that Kobayashi was driving INSANE! Before the Brit finally overtook him…

As Kobayashi would cycle as high as third place before pit stops would see him come out to tangle with and effectively “Nerf” off track his Japanese rival Kazuki Nakajima who ended up on in the tyre barriers… Yet it was refreshing to see Kamui fight so hard for every place on track as he made a very nice pass upon Fisichella for ninth place in the waning moments of the Brazilian Grand Prix.

So, how will the “Young Lion” fare this weekend? Whale it’s a brand new circuit that nobody’s ever driven on, so I’d guess that Kobayashi could possibly finish in the points, but we’ll see, eh?

Brazilian GP Debrief with Kamui Kobayashi

Todt is new FIA President

Unfortunately, but not surprisingly Jean Todt has been elected the new FIA President by a (“Secret-Secret?”) vote of 135-49 vs. rival Ari Vatanen, who as an outsider was fighting an uphill battle… As “Bert ‘N Ernie” (MAD Max ‘N Uncle Bernaughty) along with Herr Schumacher and the FIA constituency who wanted to keep their current jobs all backed the 63yr old Frenchman (Todt) and thus don’t expect too many changes from the WMSC rubber stamping Department…

Button is World Champion

And obviously he likes saying it! As it’s only been a decade in the making, with many bumps ‘N bruises upon the way… As I still fondly recall his rookie campaign with Williams-BMW under the tutelage of Gerhard Berger, losing his Driver’s License for speeding in a BMW Turbo Diesel and professing to like women’s small feet in an F1 Racing interview…

Regardless of how one may feel towards ‘JENSE’s winning of the World Championship, to which he’s taking heavy flak back home Across the Pond for simply “Backing into it…” Nevertheless the BLOODY BRIT did indeed win the MOST races this season, (Six to date) and would have locked up the crown in Singapore if we were utilizing Uncle Bernaughty’s gold medal system.

Yet, has everybody forgotten that 1982 World Champion Keke Rosberg secured his lone title for Williams on the back of a solitary victory at the Swiss Grand Prix (Dihon-Prenois ) while title rivals Rene Arnoux And Alain Prost, (Renault teammates) Niki Lauda and John Watson, (McLaren teammates) and Didier Pironi (Ferrari) all double Keke’s victory total with two wins apiece.

Not to mention other various World Champions low victory tallies, i.e.; British title winners Mike Hawthorn (1958) lone victory and John surtees (1964) two wins; along with America’s first Champion Phil Hill clinching his lone title at Monza with his second and final victory of the season upon title rival and Ferrari teammate Wolfgang Von Trips death…

Or Jimmy Clark outscoring 1962 World Champion Graham Hill 4-2 and Jackie Stewart tying Graham’s three victories, yet it was Graham Hill whom clinched his second title in 1968; as yeah, button’s performance certainly dropped off mid-season, compared to title rivals Barrichello, Vettel and Weber, as the “aussie” race winner put it most succinctly.

Mark Webber:
“I think he will sleep better now, because he’s been incredibly nervous, there’s no question about that, ” he said. “He’s been absolutely bricking himself the last few weeks, so he can sleep better now.”

And it would be hard to replicate last year’s title fight… But isn’t it ironic that Buttons title was secured in part by current World Champion Hamilton's "Ginzu-knife" tyre slashing on Rubino… Talk about passing the torch, eh?

Button: “The best race of my life”

So, Congrats ‘JENSE!

Who will be Mosley’s replacement?

Whale we’re just days away from electing a new FIA President to replace the outgoing “Sir maXXum,” a.k.a. Max Mosley this Friday, with the two candidates being Jean Todt and Ari Vatanen.

And the mudslinging has been pretty ferocious, as the deck chairs seem decidedly stacked against the rebellious Finnish upstart Vatanen, who most ironically drove for and won three Paris Dakar Rally’s for then Peugeot Sporting Boss Jean Todt…

Yet, it appears that the FIA under Mosley’s guidance has done nearly everything in it’s powers to quash Vatanen’s election bid; from todt’s flying on private jets, FIA members campaigning on their alleged “FREE” time, Ecclestone barring the Finn access to the F1 Grid, Mosley doing interviews in Todt’s defense, Mosley having Vatanen physically removed from his office and now reports that Todt backers have tried extorting votes in favour of Bribery!

Todt Official Made ‘Threats’ For Vote

Not to mention Michael Schumacher’s campaigning and letter writing in behalf of ex-Ferrari Boss Jean Todt; while Vatanen himself has filed a brief in the Paris courts asking for transparency in the upcoming election… Which naturally the FIA lambasted, even going so far as to say that all of the information upon the voting process was available upon their official website, yet, interestingly SPEED’s Bob Varsha, a Lawyer himself noted on Sunday night’s Wind Tunnel, that although there was indeed a section on voting on the website, it only told you how to go about getting your vote and NOT how the election process itself would be completed…

So you’ve gotta wonder why the full court press against Vatanen and which is really better? Status Quo or new leadership, as only time will tell… Hopefully shortly and without any lawsuits being filed instead, eh?

UPDATE:
Ari Vatanen has now agreed to withdraw his legal action against the FIA and will await the outcome of voting this Friday to see who’ll be elected the new FIA President, click here.

Baking in Brazil

Whale and to think it was only raining HEAVILY here in the Pacific Northwest… As I was gonna steal Bob Varsha’s quip about the weather; Drizzle in the Sizzle for the title, but decided not to… As apparently the weather has been overly Fallish-like in San Paolo, as Friday’s morning Free Practice (FP1) session was interrupted by a 30min rainstorm, with drizzle returning at the end of the session and then once again returning for the final 20+ minutes of the afternoon session, (FP2) with further spritzing predicted for Qualifying and Race Day, as Y’all may know that Saturday morning’s final practice was interrupted for 42mins due to not being able to launch the Air Ambulance Helicopter. And then an overly LONG Qualifying session, but I digress…

Yeah, I know it’s only Friday Practice, but what in the HELL was “BOOMER,” nee Sebastian Buemi in the Scuderia Toro Rosso doing in second place? As even more impressive was the fact that the top 19 Grand Prix Piloto’s were only a scant 0.73 seconds adrift, while Giancarlo Fisichella finished last once again for the Scuderia, 0.9+ seconds adrift.

Meanwhile, Fernando Alonso made a light tanks flyer in the waning moments to grab the day’s top spot, with Championship rivals Barrichello third, Button fifth and Vettel seventh, as it was entertaining to hear ‘JENSE (Button) complain of both oversteer and understeer via his radio before grabbing P1 provisionally…

As previously mentioned, Saturday’s Qualifying was a veritable mess, with an 1hr 11min Red Flag delay during Q2 due to the monsoon like track conditions, as Vitantonnio Luzzi’s crash caused the second Red Flag of the day, while “Fishy-Fellah” (Fisichella) seemed more like a fish outta water, having spun off in Q1and bringing out the first Red Flag as he disgustedly walked back to the Ferrari pits; while Bob Varsha pointed out, in “Fisi’s” defense, he’s now running 2010 development “Bits” on his race chassis…

Admittedly Rubino (Barrichello) was on a lighter fuel load then front row competitor Mark Webber and those around him, having tried to take off like a scalded cat in front of 90,000 Brazilian’s chanting Rubino-Rubino-Rubino! But the ensuing melee behind him caused a Safety Car deployment, while the “Scrumptious ‘Nuan” (Jarno Trulli) vented his anger upon Peter Windsor over how he thought Adrian Sutil was just driving plain STUPID! After Sutil, Trulli and Alonso had all been taken out in a first lap crash.

Thus, the multiple carnage allowed “JENSE to move from P14 to ninth, with “ZEBB (Vettel) behind him, and all of this was before Kovalainen’s Pit fire when he was told to go before the fuel hose was decoupled and Raikkonen’s Ferrari was momentarily surrounded in a flash fire due to the combinations of hot exhaust headers vs. petroleum… Which thankfully snuffed itself out and the Kimster motored onto a sixth place finish, while McLaren would be fined $50,000 afterwards for their transgression…

Meanwhile Button ran into his fiercest competition of the race, none other then Grand Prix debutant “K-Squared.” (Kamui Kobayashi) who ran a mostly masterful race, keeping the Points leader at bay whilst in sixth place… With Jenson’s lone low point being the radio transmission to tell his engineer to tell the FIA to make the Toyota driver pull over, to which David Hobbs said you just need to get on with the job lad!

As Rubens pitted first, Webber took over the lead due to his longer duration on track and never surrendered the lead afterwards… While ‘JENSE made some pretty masterful passes upon his competitor’s, while Barrichello day spiraled downwards, having to ultimately pit for a tyre puncture, while the “Krakow Kid” (Kubica) ran a great race in the recalcitrant BMW Sauber, chasing Webber to the stripe, with Lewis Hamilton storming from the back of the grid to finish a fine third… And although Vettel finished one position ahead of Button in fourth place, with Rubens taking eighth, it simply wasn’t enough, as Jenson finished with 89 points vs. Vettel’s 74 and Rubens 72, hence clinching his very first World Championship with a single race remaining, while BRAWN GP also locked-up the Constructor’s Championship in their very first go…

Race Drive of Interlagos
Whale I suppose I’d have to choose between one of these three drivers, Sebastian Buemi, Hamilton and Kamui Kobayashi, as ‘JAGUAR (Hamilton) put on a most masterful Clinique racing from 17th to the final podium step, due to having a “Dry” setup in Saturday’s rain-fest… While Buemi quietly spent the entire weekend keeping his Toro Rosso at the sharp end of the grid enroute to scoring his very first World Championship points, but it was the Japanese driver’s performance which most captured my attention… Even if he “Nerfed” fellow countryman Kazuki Nakajima into the barriers…

His pass upon Fishy-Fellah for ninth place in the closing laps of the race reminded me of another Japanese “Lion” named Taku-San (Takuma Sato) making a blinder on David Coulthard many moons ago…

Top 3 - Qualifying
Pole: Rubens Barrichello
Second: Mark Webber
Third: Adrian Sutil

Race Results
Winner: M. Webber; 2nd: R. Kubica; 3rd: L. Hamilton; 4th: S. Vettel;
5th: J. Button; 6th: K. Raikkonen; 7th: S. Buemi; 8th: R. Barrichello.

San Paolo ‘N Sprinkles

What an extraordinary Qualifying session I’ve just sat thru… As it has to be the longest “Qualie” in recent history? Taking a mere 2+ hours to complete, due to a massive rain delay, when asked of his opinion, Mark Webber quipped; tell him to put his glasses on! Referring to the FIA’s Charlie Whiting as there were rivers of water cascading across the tarmac after Vitantonnio Luzzi had stuffed it into the barriers in Q2, bringing out a Red Flag, before we went into the prolonged stoppage with 12:45 remaining to be run.

Yet while the past two days activities have commenced in the wet stuff, nee rain, (understatement of the day, eh?) reportedly it should be a fairly dry race tomorrow. (Hopefully) As all BLOODY ‘JENSE (Button) needs to do is finish on the podium, no worse then third to clinch his first F1 Drivers World Championship regardless of what Barrichello or Vettel do… So, a BRAWN GP 1-2 with Rubino winning his home race would do nicely, as it’s probably his very last shot, eh?

Besides we really want ‘JENSE & BRAWN GP to clinch the titles in San Paolo just to spite Uncle Bernaughty who’s publicly crooned for the title fight to go all the way to Abu Dubai instead… (So he can jack-up TV Commercial rates?)

Then again, Button and Vettel will have their work cut out for them tomorrow, as Jenson will roll off from P14 and Sebastian from a very uncharacteristic P16! While starting ahead of both McLaren’s…

As the Boy from Brazil; Rubino set Interlagos alight with his first pole in 5yrs, ironically 88 races ago at Interlagos whilst driving as Herr Schumacher’s wingman… So can the ageless Brazilian finally take the chequer’s in his Home race?

Tune-in tomorrow!

“Kuhnichiwah” Suzuka Circuito

So the Japanese Grand Prix returned to its traditional (and rightful) home of the wonderful Suzuka Circuito this year for the first time since 2006, after a massive infield complex upgrade, including brand new Pit garages, Media Centre and extensive track repaving, which thankfully the circuit was NOT neutered by Herman Tilke, while reputedly Uncle Bernaughty was overly quick to point out to the BRDC how he’d asked the Japanese to spend money and they’d done it…

As memories came flooding back (Pun intended) as Friday’s practice session was an extremely soggy affair due to a fast approaching Typhoon, of which I’d encountered upon my wonderful outing to Suzuka way back in 2004… (Can it really be already 5yrs ago? Since seeing the TERMINATOR score another glorious victory…)

And I sat there pondering just how well would the Laser ride height sensor that Steve Matchett had pointed out its red light during the Singapore event function in the abysmal conditions.

Interestingly, it was originally pointed out by Bob Varsha that nine of the current twenty F1 Piloto’s on the grid had never raced a Formula 1 chassis in anger at Suzuka, which seemed pretty high to Mwah, as it was later pointed out during the Qualifying pre-amble that there were six “Freshman” debutants at this year’s Japanese GP event, with obviously half of these being the three Formula 1 Rookies of Renault’s Romain Grosjean and both Scuderia Toro Rosso Drivers Jaime Alguersuari and Sebastien Buemi.

The other three debutants are none other then reigning World Champion Lewis Hamilton and McLaren teammate Heikki Kovalainen and Toyota’s Timo Glock.

Meanwhile Red Bull Racing’s Sebastian Vettel and Force India’s Adrian Sutil have only participated as Friday Third Driver’s back in 2006, while Williams home grown talent Kazuki Nakajima had previously run at Suzuka countless times, just not in a Grand Prix.

Thanks to F1 Fanatic for doing the heavy lifting on this, as I got tired of SPEED blathering on ‘bout it all weekend long with never saying the names out loud!

F1 Drivers relish Suzuka challenge

And according to Inside Grand Prix, the hardest braking spot is the Casio Triangle corner just prior to the start/finish straight, where the drivers must bleed off a massive 204kph and resist a “Mega” 5.9G deceleration force.

And I’ve already scribbled about the wild ‘N wacky Qualifying session in Utterly chaotic Qualifying in Japan.

While the race seemed to be a somewhat more sedate affair, with Pole Sitter “ZEBB (Vettel) basically rocketing off into the distance on his Monza Renault Lump which will be utilized in one of the final two races, with Toyota’s Jarno Trulli getting jumped by the KERS powered McLaren of Lewis Hamilton on the start and BMW Sauber’s Nick Heidfeld moving up to fourth place, while once again ‘JENSE struggled mightly to get into the points from his tenth place starting position.

As the race was fairly dull from the leader’s perspective, although I was happy to see Trulli-Scrumptious get back around Hamilton, who would finish 2-3 respectively, while Button’s points lead was shaved once again, with great infighting occurring mid-pack, while Vettel simply “Walked-it!” For his third victory of the season and fourth of his young career, and thus, the Championship rolls onto Brazil, with button on 85 points, leading teammate Barrichello by 14 (71) and Vettel by 16, (69) with a maximum of 20pts up for grabs; meanwhile BRAWN GP is all but assured of wrapping up its very first Constructors Title at Interlagos, as it leads Red Bull 156-120.5 and both cars would have to retire from both races with a maximum of 36pts available in the Constructors chase.

Race Drive of Suzuka
Although I was hard pressed to choose between Jarno Trulli and a very impressive outing by “Quick Nick’s” (Heidfeld) resurgent BMW Sauber, my choice goes to the German wunderkind Sebastian Vettel, who simply dominated the weekend and is always a pleasure to listen to in the interviews and especially on his in-car radio when celebrating victory! As ‘Hobbo (David Hobbs) said again; Vettel like Michael Schumacher just seems to enjoy winning...

Top 3 - Qualifying
Pole: Sebastian Vettel
Second: Jarno Trulli
Third: Lewis Hamilton

Race Results
Winner: S. Vettel; 2nd: J. Trulli; 3rd: L. Hamilton; 4th: K. Raikkonen;
5th: N. Rosberg; 6th: N. Heidfeld; 7th: R. Barrichello; 8th: J. Button.

The Bright lights of Singapore

And then there were Three left fighting for the 2009 Formula 1 World Championship: BRAWN GP’s Jenson Button & Rubens Barrichello vs. Red Bull’s Sebastian Vettel, who although mathematically alive, seems to be a veritable long-shot for this years F1 Driver’s Crown.

And I must say with my outing to Maryhill last week, it all seems like a blur… As Y’all know that Old saying It musta been fun, as another year’s time has already passed since scribblin’ my last GP Report…

Thus after returning, I sat down and gorged my eyeballs upon 6hrs of Formula One coverage from Singapore, (kinda like what I’ve done whilst poundin’ meese nucel’s away on ze keeboards today…) which unfortunately for me is a night race and therefore very difficult to see…

Even if ‘Hobbo (David Hobbs) ‘N Varsha waxed on eloquently about the amazing skylight and fantastic backdrop it provided, rambling on about the monstrous Flyer Ferris wheel, which reminded me of the mammoth Ferris wheel upon the River Thames… Or playing golf at night on a lit course, which seems a tad bit carried away to Mwah…

And thus I really don’t recall it being an overly dramatic event, since even after the reputed course improvements; it seems it was very difficult to pass upon, as the young “Louise JAGUAR” Hamilton simply rocketed off into the nightlight, leaving everyone behind, even if he had difficulties with his KERS system.

Although it was entertaining to hear about the RIDICULOUS ticket prices, with Bob Varsha claiming a GA (Gen. Admission) stub would set you back $175, with a Grandstand seat up along the Pit Lane/Front Straight costing up to $1,300, while if you were ultra sheik and seeking the ultimate ticket, then admission into the Paddock Club would only set you back a cool $8k for the weekend. (All amounts USD)

And its funny how my allegiances keep shifting, as I began the race by hollering for Nico Rosberg to get ‘JAGUAR, as he seemed “owed” a win after having been cheated out of his debut Grand Prix victory one year ago… Then I marveled at how hilarious it would be for Fernando to take the victor’s laurels after the dreaded shenanigans of Crash Gate, but rightly so, it wasn’t to be… After the weekend had begun quite eerily with Romain Grosjean crashing his Renault in the exact same spot that Nelson Piquet Jr. had done one year earlier…

And I’d forgotten about those most bizarre technical failures that the Red Bull & Scuderia Toro Rosso cars had suffered last year; when Red Bull claimed that Mark Webber’s mysterious gear boxes trying to select two gears at the same instantaneous moment were triggered by an electrical surge caused by the passing of an underground subway train…

Red Bull moves to avoid gearbox issue

Meanwhile, Rosberg’s race was effectively ruined when he managed to slither across the blend line while leaving Pit Lane on his first pit stop, being given a Stop – Go penalty, of which Red Bull’s ‘ZEBB, a.k.a. Sebastian Vettel would incur for speeding in Pit Lane… While Webber ‘N Co. may not have suffered electrical gremlins this year, but certainly the same could not be said for both Red Bull & Toro rosso’s brake failures, with the Aussies exploding on track after the Team Engineer’s had sent him on his way after a pit stop revealed massive amounts of black carbon smoke funneling out of the brake discs… No, they’re Ok Mark, trust us Mate!

And thus, Hamilton scored his second victory of the season, with Timo Glock and Fernando Alonso taking the final two podium spots respectively.

Meanwhile current point’s leader ‘JENSE finally managed to stop the bleeding by finishing ahead of teammate Rubino for the first time in a considerable while, as the two BRAWN GP drivers finished 5-6 respectively.

Race Drive of Singapore
I’ve been kicking around various header’s for my new race item of which I couldn’t come up with anything overly clever, having started my Drive of the Race theme with the Italian GP and Vitantonnio Luzzi’s glorious return to F1. As this will now serve as my inspiration for returning to my belated Grand Prix reports…

Although some may argue that his drive was somewhat artificially aided by the mandatory allowing of his passage ahead of Mark Webber, nevertheless, I found Timo Glock’s performance to be quite impressive as he finished ahead of everyone except race winner Hamilton.

Top 3 - Qualifying
Pole: Lewis Hamilton
Second: Sebastian Vettel
Third: Nico Rosberg

Race Results
Winner: L. Hamilton; 2nd: T. Glock; 3rd: F. Alonso; 4th: S. Vettel;
5th: J. Button; 6th: R. Barrichello; 7th: H. Kovalainen; 8th: R. Kubica.

Utterly chaotic Qualifying session in Japan

Whale I’ve just finished watching the most chaotic F1 Qualifying session that I can recall in a very long time from suzuka, Japan… And although the rain has stopped for the time being, with reports of another Typhoon heading towards the Philippines, the accidents certainly did not!

The morning’s final practice session saw Mark Webber write-off his RB5 chassis upon ripping off the steering rack in a brutal crash and therefore didn’t take part in today’s Qualifying.

Then, a most bizarre three red flags were issued during a Qualifying session fraught with five crashes involving four drivers, with Scuderia Toro Rosso’s Sebastien Buemi crashing twice and causing a Yellow flag which would ultimately effect the final grid positions of four drivers, who were deemed to have not lifted off of the throttle in this area, as both BRAWN GP Drivers ‘JENSE & Rubino, along with Fernando Alonso and Adrian Sutil would all receive five grid spot penalties for this infraction. (Which makes it pretty funny to see how animated Fredrico was after the Q2 “Quallie” session…) While Buemi was docked five grid spots for driving back to the pits in his damaged car from his second incident and impeding the progress of his competitors.

But oh no, we weren’t done yet with the grid penalties, as adding insult to injury was McLaren’s Heikki Kovalin, one of the red flag crashers… And Force India’s Vitantonnio Luzzi both being forced to take five grid spot penalties upon replacing their gearboxes.

Meanwhile, Toyota’s Timo Glock who was flown by helicopter to Hospital with back pains and a cut leg, who hopefully will race tomorrow, joined Webber on the final row of the grid as his TF109 chassis also needed to be replaced, with SPEED now reporting that Glock will NOT participate tomorrow and there will only be a single Toyota participating.

Hopefully the race will be a little less chaotic with no more accidents, eh?

Revised Starting Grid

Oh Bernie, you’re such a Comedian!

Don’t know if Y’all saw Uncle Bernaughties coyish comments about how his good buddy and business partner… On how the recently disgraced Flavour Flav (Briatore) should fight his infinite ban from FIA Motorsports activities… Oh Bernie, you’re such a Hoot! Hmm? Wonder if this is little more then window dressing to appease their long standing friendship or open the door for future enterprise?

Ecclestone urges Briatore to appeal life ban

Meanwhile you’ve just gotta “LUV” the comments from fellow drivers in relation to “Nielsen Ho’s” (Piquet Jr.) getting off “Scot-free,” especially the “Krakow Kid’s” zinger…

Robert Kubica:
“Normally, if you go the police and you say you killed someone but you know someone else who killed three people, you will still go to jail."

And that about pretty much sums up the whole tawdry affair, with whispers now reputedly hypothesizing that the FIA’s “Witness X” could be none other then Fred Alonso? As I’d like to think we’ve heard the last of this matter, unless Nelson Piquet Jr. somehow miraculously shows-up upon the 2010 F1 grid, eh?

Renault gets off Again!

Whale by now I’m guessing Y’all have heard that Renault has once again escaped any majorly harsh penalties in response to its acknowledgement of participating in the 2008 Singapore “Crash Gate” Scandal…

Having only received a two year suspended ban or as so eloquently put by Pressdog… Double Secret Probation, which means didly-squat…

With the Ax instead falling upon Team Principal “Flavour Flav” (Briatore) and Director of Engineering Pat Symonds, with Flavio being effectively banned for life, while Symonds receives a 5yr ban, both from Motorsport, as the Reggie duo is henceforth banned from any FIA sanctioned activities.

Briatore is the most severely affected, as the FIA will NO longer grant him any access to any of its activities, i.e.; races, etc. along with not renewing any driver Super licenses of participants under his management. Also not sanctioning any Motorsports series he’s presently involved in, which I assume means he’ll be vanquished from GP2 and could theoretically lose his position in the Queens Park Rangers, with Symonds being merely shunned from the sport for the following five years, while Nelson Piquet Jr. is immune from prosecution, and Fernando Alonso has been cleared of having any knowledge of said Crash Gate doings…

Renault gets suspended disqualification

And thus it looks like Flavio potentially decided to mistakenly fire his number two driver, along with taking on the Piquet’s, eh?

According to the WMSC, the Renault F1 Team has acknowledged the following during the court proceedings:
“It committed to paying the costs incurred by the FIA in its investigation; and; Renault (the parent company, as opposed to Renault F1) committed to making a significant contribution to FIA safety-related projects.”

Hmm? Isn’t it interesting how the mere threat of another Automotive Manufacturer walking from the pee-knuckle ‘O Sport can sway a Court’s decision, especially when ruling upon a French company in France… So DON’T uze be fixin’ NO more races yuh hear Renault? Or will actually have to do something about it… And just exactly what amount is “A Sizeable Contribution…” $100 Million?

Yet I suppose its worth considering that Renault is not only a current F1 Constructor, they also supply engines to Red Bull Racing, (currently) along with being the motivating factor behind GP2, not to mention the lower formula’s of Clio cup, Formula Renault and World Series by Renault, along with reportedly having the best young driver’s (F1) development program...

Ooh-lah-lah, Sei la Vie!

Provisional 2010 Calendar

Yep, its time once again for the FIA to unveil their Provisional 2010 F1 Calendar (Version 4.69) as joyfully, Montreal and the Circuit gilles Villeneuve regain their rightful spot upon the calendar once again in 2010, while South Korea, whose Government just passed a significant funding bill in order for their Grand Prix to move forward has thus been added to the schedule… Whilst Emperor Bernardo still tries to get the Indian Government to concede to his wishes… As the calendar swells to 19 races next year, albeit there’s still NO US or French races on the horizon.

Provisional 2010 F1 Calendar

F1 Bad Boyz – Whats yuh gonna due?

Whale the mud-slinging between the powers to be at the “Reggie” and “Nielsen Ho” have been getting pretty outrageous! As Nelson Piquet Junior’s “leaked” sworn statement painted a pretty bad picture towards Renault F1 Boss “Flavour Flav” (Briatore) and Pat Symonds, who both reportedly asked the young Brazilian F1 Piloto to purposely crash his car in Singapore in order for Fernando Alonso to win the inaugural night race in 2008. (And as we all known now, both Briatore & Symonds have left the Renault Building…)

Nelson Piquet's FIA statement revealed

As mentioned before, the Renault/Benetton affair has been copiously involved in several rules infractions over its time in Formula 1. As recall that Benetton was found to have illegal “launch” software imbedded on its B194 challenger, along with the Hockenheim pit lane fuel fire and the Spa underbody plank incident to name just a few incidents, while Renault was caught red-handed with McLaren technical documents on its computers.

Yet in all of these incidents, the team got off fairly light-handed, since the team was fined a sum of $100,000 for not having provided the software codes to the FIA in the required time, of which rival McLaren was also found guilty of, albeit the hidden launch codes were deemed to be deactivated.

The Hockenheim pit fire, in which Professor Steve Matchett was a participant in, was ultimately deemed to be the fault of a “Junior” racing employee for having removed a fuel filter, while Michael Schumacher’s Belgian GP victory was disallowed due to his underside FIA legality plank having been worn too thin, even if caused by an on track spin.

Meanwhile, other teams have also been caught seeking an “Unfair Advantage,” as obviously the most severely punished team in history is McLaren in the 2007 “Stepney-Gate” incident involving the transferring of Ferrari technical documents for which they were fined an OBSCENE $100 Million! (Along with their Constructors points being disallowed.) Whilst Renault basically had its knuckles wrapped for a similar incident.

Yet I recall cheering loudly when the Woking based squad was busted for having the sealed Mercedes Benz engine tabs discovered broken and fined a paltry $50k.

But does anybody recall that a quarter of a century ago, in 1984 that Tyrrell was caught reportedly “Cheating” by running a “Suspect” 3.3 liter water injection tank that was theoretically believed to have lead balls inside of it which were then disposed of on track in order to run a lighter ballasted chassis. As Tyrrell was first excluded from the final three races before having its Constructors results banned for the entire 1984 season, thus losing out upon its much needed travel funs for the following year, as it was Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen who reminded me of this transgression upon reading The Complete History of Grand Prix Racing book, which sadly only covers up to the 1989 season.

And how fast we’ve all forgotten the BAR Honda’s transgressions for having been caught with an illegal fuel tank system, where like Tyrrell, the team would simply top off the tank in the waning moments of the current Grand Prix event in order to meet the FIA’s minimum weight limit.

Thus, I’d surmise that BAR Honda got off fairly light-handed when only being excluded from two rounds of the 2005 F1 season, after being disqualified from the San Marino GP, as it’s ironic that BAR Honda was born out of the ashes of Ken Tyrrell’s selling of his floundering Grand Prix operation…

BAR Honda has nothing on Team Tyrrell

And NO, I’m aware that the Scuderia is a most culpable competitor, whom seems to get its overly fair share of breaks, as the 2007 “Flexi-Gate” affair of which potentially enabled Kimi Raikkonen to win his Ferrari debut Down Under in Melbourne was mostly swept underneath the table, not to mention a Barge Board appeal. While we’re all aware of Michael Schumacher being excluded from the 1997 Drivers Championship points standings after trying unsuccessfully to knock Jacques Villeneuve off the road in order to win the Drivers Title that season.

So it’s apparent that Teams (and Drivers) do and will continue to cheat in Formula 1 and other guises of Motorsports series around the world. Yet, I find the Renault “Crash-Gate” affair to be most troubling, since it seems to undermine the validity of the sport to me, As I’d like to believe that the Grand Prix results aren’t artificially induced like some other Roundy-Round sport where “Racin’ is Rubbin’ – Y’all here? And thus it’ll be interesting to see how the World Motor Sport Council rules in today’s hearing, as it seems most probable that Flavio Briatore could have easily done what he’s accused of, while I find this potential race fixing to be utterly inexcusable…

And a far worse offense then McLaren’s “Spy-Gate” shenanigans – which means that Renaults penalty should be of at least the same outcome if NOT even more so… (Although I’d like to see the Reggie remain in F1.)

And then there were 14?

I’m still finding the wording of today’s various press statements somewhat misleading, claiming that a new Formula 1 Constructor has either been granted the 12th or 13th Grid slot for the FIA’s 2010 Entry List, or even better yet… The field will mushroom to an unheard of in recent years 14 F1 Constructors or a very appealing 28 cars competing for Grand Prix laurels next season!

So just who are these new “Mystery” contestants? Whale C’Mon down Malaysia! You’re the next contestant to be granted entrance into Uncle Bernaughty’s lair, commonly known as the Formula One Circus… Hurrah-Hurrah! Step right up folks…

As it appears that once again the upstart Epsilon Euskadi – headed by ex-Benetton man Joan Villadelprat has been slighted in favour of Government backing in the form of Malaysia assisting the rebirth of Team Lotus F1, to be spearheaded by Tony Fernandes, current owner of low frills Airline Air Asia, a direct competitor of Vijay Malia’s Kingfisher Airlines…

Heading the design office will be perennial “Gardening” expert Mike Gascoyne, once again in the role of Chief Designer, with “Cossie Lumps” as the Lotus chassis motivating power.

Meanwhile BMW AG has announced today the selling of its F1 Racing Team to Qadbak Investments Ltd, a Swiss investment firm representing European and Middle East interests and will be represented by Lionel Fischer,, with no word on Pieter Sauber’s involvement, who still retains a minority share holding in the company. Yet, look for a Ferrari engine tie-up deal to be announced in the near future.

And scuttlebutt suggests that Sir Richard Branson will announce a major long term deal with new boys Manor Grand Prix at the 2009 Season Finale in Abu Dubai…

Legendary Lotus brand to return to F1

Provisional 2010 F1 entry list
AT & T Williams
Williams-TBA

BMW-Sauber F1 Team
Team Sauber-TBA

) Brawn GP Formula One Team
Brawn-Mercedes Benz

Campos Grand Prix
Campos-Cosworth

Force India Formula 1 Team
Force India- Mercedes Benz

Lotus F1 Team
Lotus-Cosworth

Manor Grand Prix
Manor-Cosworth

Panasonic Toyota Racing
Toyota

Red Bull Racing
Red Bull-TBA

Renault F1 Team
Renault

Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro
Scuderia Ferrari

Scuderia Toro Rosso
Toro Rosso-TBA

Team USF1
Team USF1-Cosworth

Vodafone McLaren Mercedes
McLaren-Mercedes Benz

Rubino Rubino!

Whale hats off to the “Old Guy!” As Rubens Barrichello ran another perfect race, qualifying and finishing ahead of his teammate “JENSE, the current points leader… Although Rubino took another two points off the Englishman; yet I enjoyed seeing Button’s camaraderie during the Post-race interview, openly congratulating Rubens on his fine accomplishment, all the while keeping a stiff upper lip, as you’ve gotta say it’ll be interesting to see how the last four races of the season turn out, eh?

Yet, I’d have to say that the Highlight of the weekend was the continued unbelievable pace of the Force India cars, as Adrian Sutil got his highest qualifying & race finish of his career, a fine fourth place, after starting second and being the only NON-KERS chassis in the top four, before going on to score his very first Grand Prix points of his career.

Yet you had to be even more impressed by the audacious return of VitanTonio Luzzi, whom seemed destined to score some points before finding a gearbox full ‘O neutrals while pounding around in sixth place ahead of, Ahem; Double World Champ-eeion “Fredrico Suave.” (Alonso)

And what a vicious hit Lewis Hamilton took in the closing laps while trying to edge ‘JENSE for second place.

Race Drive of Monza
While although one could say Ferrari New Boy “Fishy-Fellah’s” (Fisichella) debut outing was somewhat of a bust, having crashed Saturday morning and then qualifying P14 and ultimately finishing ninth, outside of the points, nevertheless you’d have to say he’s a marked improvement over the despondent Luca Badoer, even if Tonio outperformed him the entire weekend…

Top 3 - Qualifying
Pole: Lewis Hamilton
Second: Adrian Sutil
Third: Kimi Raikkonen

Race Results
Winner: R. Barrichello; 2nd: J. Button; 3rd: K. Raikonnen; 4th: A. Sutil;
5th: F. Alonso; 6th: H. Kovalainen; 7th: N. Heidfeld; 8th: S. Vettel.

Arrivedercii Luca?

(Luca Badoer – 2009; F1 Fanatic)

So last Thursday evening whilst enjoying a night out ‘N aboot on the town I was drawn into a conversation with Robert regarding the plight of the Scuderia’s much lamented number two fill-in for the injured Felipe Massa… As Luca Badoer has been taking a lambasting for his outings behind the wheel of the recalcitrant Ferrari F60, while SPEED’s Bob Varsha said during the Friday Belgian GP practice show; OBVIOUSLY Luca’s trying his hardest to do his absolute best, having waited his whole life to fulfill his dream of driving the red cars…

But he simply doesn’t seem able to cut the Mayonnaise, Err French Fries, not to be “Cornfuzed” with those Frites di Machen-Dougals… which sounds much better then Belgium’s other novelty; Vlaams du Muscles, but I digress…

As once again the hapless 38yr Old Italian was some two seconds off the pace on Friday, ending up stone last. On Saturday during qualifying, Badoer once again was unable to hoist Massa’s No. 3 Ferrari out of the “Q1 Qualie” session, winding up in last place on the grid in P20, although somewhat surprisingly Badoer’s Ferrari had the fastest trap speed of 200mph! But he had trouble woahing himself down as Steve Matchet commented that it looked like he’d out braked himself in the closing minutes of qualifying when we saw Luca lurching off track…

On Sunday, whilst Luca’s teammate The Iceman (Raikkonen) was utilizing the Ferrari’s KERS system to his best advantage after an unbelievable start, which potentially caused the races major pile-up which eliminated both Lewis Hamilton and Jenson button, along with Romain Grosjean And Jaime Alguersuari on lap one…

Badoer who was on a one stop strategy was unable to string together any substantial lap times, running some two seconds a lap slower then Williams Kazuki Nakajima, as the Kimster would scorch his way past an unbelievably competitive Fishy-Fellah… Holding off the Italian by less than one second, while Badoer would cross the line as the very last runner in 14th, nearly 100 seconds adrift; officially 1m38.177 behind.

Meanwhile Fisichella scored Force India’s very first Pole position and initial Grand Prix points with his amazing second place finish behind Raikkonen, while holding off a fast charging Sebastian Vettel…

Yet as The House ‘O Winsor also noted upon Friday’s show, Badoer definitely has his work cut out for him; strapping in for the first time on a race weekend in nearly 10yrs at a track he’s never driven. Off to the blindingly fast Spa Francorchamps, the insane pressure of the Tiafosi, a night race in Singapore, the rain in Suzuka and back to the concrete canyons in Yaz Marina… (Abu Dubai)

NO, the real embarrassment lies firmly on the Scuderia’s shoulders as it seems unfathomable that they don’t have a contingency plan for this very circumstance, nor any “Young Lions currently in the pipeline to have drawn upon… As Kimi’s miraculous victory helped increase the gap between arch rivals McLaren to 12 points, who are pressuring the Scuderia for third place in the Constructor’s Championship, of which is not only for bragging rights but valuable prize money and travel funds.

Of course all of this seems to be facilitated from the FIA’s NONSENSICAL BANNING of in-season testing, or even worse yet, the redundancy of Friday Third Driver’s, which seemingly gives potential Grand Prix Piloto’s little incentive to become a Formula 1 Test Driver, eh?

Alas, what will Maranello do? As it seems the best hoped for solution would be to grant “Fishy-Fellah” his long distance dream of finally driving for Ferrari, as Giancarlo bravely described his time at Sauber his closest chance to driving a Ferrari powered landshark in battle royale. As this may be the best way for Vijay Malia to politely show Fisichella the door in order to make way for the anxiously waiting Vitantonnio Luzzi, who’s reportedly already been promised a drive in 2010. Not to mention freeing up some capital to pay off his outstanding Ferrari customer Lumps debt…

Then again why not let Luzzi fill-in for Ferrari in order to prepare for next season? Although the Scuderia may balk at the idea of preparing a potential rival, eh? Otherwise, Ferrari may simply take their lumps with Badoer as Raikkonen has already stated that all development work has now transferred onto next year’s challenger, and reportedly Badoer is faster then test driver Marc Gene whom also hasn’t raced in F1 in an exceedingly LONG time.

Of course Nelson Piquet Jr. and Sebastian Bourdais are currently available, while I have no idea whom Ferrari would approach from the GP2 ranks? And what would happen if Fishy-Fellah actually outperformed the Kimster in “equal” machinery… Would that be a good or bad thing for Kimi’s future with Ferrari? And will Massa really return in Brazil?

So the question remains, just how badly does Ferrari truly wish to retain its current third place in the Constructors Championship?

Good Luck Luca!

Hungaroring Highlights

Hopefully this weekend’s outing in Valencia; Spain will be less spectacular then the previous “Hunga-boring” race, which unfortunately was fraught with chaos… With the passing of Henry Surtees just one week earlier, Massa’s horrifying accident and Alonso’s errant tyre episode all unraveling prior to Michael Schumacher’s intended comeback…

So isn’t it ironic, how Professor (Steve) Matchett spent a considerable amount of time during Friday’s practice coverage prior to Felipe Massa’s horrifying accident in Saturday’s qualifying trying to figure out what BMW Sauber was running on the front nose section just forward of the cockpit… At first thinking it was a timing monitor stand forgotten, before guessing perhaps the team was running some sort of 2010 “Aero bits,” to which Peter Winsor agreed with, as both speculated that the Swiss-German team may be trying to get a jump upon next year’s design which will change once again with the mandatory abolishment of in-race refueling.(Of course I’d hazard to say it was something left on the car by accident, since BMW has now pulled the plug on their F1 team, which makes me doubt they’ve been spending any time or money on next year’s chassis.

As you may be aware of? During the final moments of Q3 Pole session qualifying the Timing & Scoring inexplicably malfunctioned and we along with the SPEED commentators were left wondering who’d won the Pole. As I simply laughed out loud at their quips…

Bob Varsha) At the worst possible moment we’ve lost Timing & Scoring.

David Hobbs)Oh jolly good!

Varsha: On a Dark ‘N Stormy night…

Steve Matchett) A Shot rang out in the Town’s Square… (As Varsha bursts into laughter).

Varsha: Perhaps Vettel’s on Pole? May Be? Perhaps Hamilton’s done it? Perhaps NOT! Ok, Fernando could be P1? May be Nico’s done it? Oh please Mr. Director-man.

As the session ends we’re suddenly treated to a live camera following Alonso around as he ‘N JENSE discuss their relative times according to their in-car telemetry… Before “Fredrico Suave” (Alonso) drops an F-Bomb as the audio mikes pick up Ferdi saying FUCK Man, I’ve got a 21.5…

Matchett: Sorry ‘bout that outburst, as our microphones shouldn’t have caught that.

And as we’re treated to all of the drivers standing around and being weighed, as Nico Rosberg and ‘ZEBB (Sebastian Vettel) seem to be quite amused by Alonso’s antics…

Varsha: Careful Boyz, there’s NO laughing allowed in Parc Ferme, its “Verbotten” by the FIA!

Hobbs: C’mon Bernie… Spend some of your (FRILLIN’) money on the Timing & Scoring!

Varsha: Don’t worry Boyz, drinks are on Bernie… Perhaps NOT?

And thus we finally have the top three finishers revealed, with Alonso on Pole, Vettel second and Mark Webber third, who has to be summoned to the Post-race interview…

So it was a most surreal Hunga-Boring weekend, as first qualifying was delayed by 20min due to Massa’s shunt, then Timing & Scoring was lost and ultimately Renault would be penalized for Alonso’s front tyre coming adrift and bouncing down the Tarmac, while Lewis Hamilton would go on to score McLaren’s and his first win of the year and the very first victory ever for a chassis fitted with the much ballyhooed KERS system.

And now after a month’s break can F1 return to normality? Will BRAWN GP bounce back, will Red Bull continue to close in upon the World Championships, or will a red car spoil Alonso’s party…

Now I’ve gotta go watch the Friday tape…

Schumacher’s return cancelled

Another day, another twist in this never ending season of Formula 1, as the “Terminator” has had to scuttle his planned for return to F1 as Felipe Massa’s stand-in.

Michael Schumacher:
“Yesterday evening, I had to inform Ferrari president Luca di Montezemolo and team principal Stefano Domenicali that unfortunately I'm not able to step in for Felipe”

As it seems well documented now, Herr Schumacher has been recovering from a motorcycle accident earlier this year and after testing a private ’07 spec Ferrari F1 chassis in Mugello, the persistent neck pain has failed to go away completely and therefore Schumacher will give way to Ferrari test driver Luca Badoer, as I for one am very disappointed over this latest development of which I’m certain isn’t good news for the Valencia promoter, eh? Especially if Alonso is forced to serve his teams one race ban…

Schumacher calls off F1 comeback

Budapest Bash

Obviously, I wasn’t expecting to watch “Live,” via the Memorex the Horrific looking Shunt Scuderia Ferrari’s Felipe Massa incurred during the “Q2 Qualie” session at the Hunga-Boring (Hungaroring) circuit this past Saturday; seeming quite eerie to watch the images of Massa’s Ferrari F60’s “Lump” revving away while firmly implanted into the Turn 4 Tyre barrier!

And although I either lost the video tape or failed to record it, as I’ve mentioned before that I was preoccupied in “Los Wages” that horrible weekend in Imola, referred to as “Black Sunday!” When two F1 Piloto’s lost their lives and very nearly a third, I must say that Massa’s incident immediately conjured up images of Ayrton Senna’s tragic accident, along with ex-Toyota F1 Piloto “Shorty’s” (Cristiano Da Matta) horrible testing shunt at Road America, as I silently muttered to myself that Massa’s DONE! As in his race career is kaput… (Which obviously I hope I’m completely WRONG about).

Sportscenter SUCKS!
Saturday afternoon, while still without my Confuzer, Indiana Bureau Chief Danny B called at 13:43 (1:43PM) wanting to know if I’d heard the news about Felipe Massa? Yeah, I watched the whole BLOODY thing this morning… But they said he’s Ok… Well actually the ESPN “Ticker” says that Massa’s suffered Life threatening injuries but is in Stable condition; which seems like a bit of an Oxy-Moron to Mwah.

So, I did a quick scurry around the Newswires, via my very appreciated Newslind for the Blind telephone service, which enables me to listen to 250+ Newspapers from all 50 States, yet could only find reports of the initial accident, echoing SPEED’s coverage reporting that Massa was Ok after having been removed by stretcher and that Rubens Barrichello had talked to him in the infirmary… With AP News claiming that Barrichello had reported Massa’s Ok, moving his arms but is highly agitated… (To which I’m now wondering if the FIA pulled another Senna? Taking Massa away from the Hungaroring without divulging his true status?)

Next, “Mr. Carpets” (Dave) called at 16:00 (4PM) also asking if I’d seen the ESPN Ticker’s news about Massa’s condition? Aw, CRAP! Now I’m gonna have to watch ESPN’s Freakin’ Sportscenter at 8PM (Pacific)

And yeah, I know it’s a FRILLIN’ Stick ‘N Ball Channel… BUTT CRACKERS!!! I had to endure 34 minutes of their dribble before getting to the story I cared about; SHEISA!

As first we were FORCED to watch endless minutes of “ ROID BOYZ,” As the Talking Bobble-heads blathered on ‘N on ‘bout ‘dem Boyz ‘O Summer, (Baseball) the Nationwide race recap, a ditty ‘bout Mark “Old Spice” Martin’s affliction for ‘Old School WRAPPERS like Snoopy Doggy Dog. HELL! Even Lance Armstrong and Le Tour de Farce got preferential billing…

But what about Felipe-eh?

Then back to more Base-em ball tiddlywinks and a rather entertaining interview on the Brickyard’s Tarmac with “SMOKE” (Tony Stewart) and ‘Ol Super Tex, (AJ Foyt) as Foyt tossed out multiple One-liners about tony which caused him to laugh quite a bit… Before the announcer read from the Telepromter: Ferrari’s Felipe Massa sustains Life threatening injuries in crash, but is in Stable condition; SHEISA! I already knew that, as they replayed footage from Qualifying with Barrichello’s errant rear “Heave” spring circled as it hurtled towards the totally unsuspecting Massa! As later, somewhere in the multitude of reporting I heard that the force of impact against Felipe’s helmet was estimated at 1,600 pounds… Ah, SHIT! That cannot be good, eh?

And thus afterwards I jumped back on the blower and found an updated AP story giving further insight into Felipe’s tenuous condition, which he’s now making remarkable gains from, having recently heard that he’s now answering the Doctor’s in three languages and most likely will walk out of the Budapest Military Hospital in around 10 days… As obviously I hope for the best, especially since the 28yr old Brazilian has just previously announced his wife’s pregnancy as they’re expecting their first child in November.

Massa update

Strange Bed-fellahs

Right Mates, yes indeedie... Your Humble Scribe, who’s still on BST (British Standard Time) and NOT necessarily at his “BeST” wit is spending the wee hours of the early morning staring away at that most hideous greenish blue hue of le confUZer screen since returning home from a most enjoyable trip abroad. (After a 24hr trek... Whale at least it feels like it!)

And thus, I just couldn’t resist, upon having made sure that “Lucy” was still with me and not a jilted lady after having been surrounded by several British Tarts the past week...

Thus I found it most bemusing that Farah Fawcett (Majors) Michael Jackson and Sir MAXXUM all made the major newswires in the same 24hr spin cycle, having been told the news of both Michael Jackson’s and Farah Fawcett’s deaths on the same day by one of my Airport “Handlers” (Assistants) as she escorted me from O’Hare’s Int’l Airports “Wheelchair Lounge” to my gate for the final leg of my day’s extremely long journey homeward bound from Jolly ‘Ol London... (12Hr flight duration + 4Hr+ layover) Of which I had the extremely good fortune to attend this year’s British Grand Prix where my man ‘ZEBB (Sebastian Vettel) simply “WALKED IT!” (Poor ‘JENSE, NOT!)

Then an extremely quick look around that World Wide Web thingy a few hours ago revealed some truly gratifying news... As the headlines said that (MAD MAX) Mosley was finally standing down... To which all I can say is:

HURRAH! BRILLIANT! ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!

One down, one to go, eh? As now all we need to complete the sweep is for Emperor Bernardo to hand over the purse strings to whoever the New Boss is? (Hopefully NOT Jean Todt) Perhaps his good chum Flavour Flav, eh? (Flavio Briatore) Although scuttlebutt Across the Pond suggested that perhaps Bernie has already given ex-wife Slavica; the woman behind the initials SELC (Slavica Ecclestone) a tidy some of $1.0 Billion British Pounds in their divorce settlement; as you may recall that SELC is the Umbrella Holding Company for the various FIA entities that Bernardo has his mitts on, i.e.; controls...

Ah, isn’t it great to be back to the usual spin cycle of News, Sports ‘N Weather, eh? As those BLOODY Starling babies are madly squawking outside for their morning feeding cycle which begins promptly at OH DARK THIRTY (5:15AM) each ‘N every summer morning... As I might as whale stay up and watch the morning sunrise, eh?

Max Mosley to Stand Down?

Hey Sir MAXXUM! QUIT being a tottering ‘Ol NUTTER and get on with it... Time to go on PERMANENT Gardening Leave...

Exclusive: 2010 F1 Prototype revealed

The following “Spy-pic” has been leaked to the Media as Zero Hour has expired (whale sorta) regarding the FIA’s announcement of the approved Constructors for the 2010 Formula 1 World Championship...

And as USGPE’s Peter Winsor was quick to point out; “We’re in for a whole new Ballgame with the 2010 Budget Cap Formulae!”

As you can tell from this exclusive photo... The shift to refueling being banned next year has led to teams needing to find alternative methods to complete a total Grand Prix distance, (sans KERS) as fuel economy will now be at a premium and all of the F1 Teams will no doubt wish to get on with the task in hand of designing their 2010 Challengers...

2010 FIA Formula 1 Entry list revealed: Click here

Petition supporting the FOTA launched

If you’re LESS then impressed by the recent tirades of the Max ‘N Bernie Show... A la Sir MAXXUM and Emperor Bernardo whom seem HELL bent on destroying the sport currently known as Formula 1... With the ceaseless rules changing and endless display of making everyone conform to their every wish... Then you may want to sign the petition supporting the Formula One Teams Association (FOTA) stance regarding the 2010 FIA rules debacle... As we’ll potentially know who’s NOT gotten the memo this Friday...

Support FOTA Petition

Will the real 2010 F1 Teams please Stand Up!

Whale I don’t know about Y’all, but! This has to be one of thee most topsy-turvy Formula 1 seasons ever... Not only due to the radical rules revisions turning the conventional pecking order upside down, with BRAWN GP’s total mockery of the “Big Four:” BMW Sauber, Ferrari, McLaren and Renault...

But along with Sir Maxxum’s steadfastness over the impending installation of the 2010 Budget Cap Formulae; whilst Emperor Bernardo quietly sits in the background counting his millions, as I found it most revealing when David Hobbs pointed out the absurdity of it all,

As everybody’s being asked to slash their costs, throw people out on their ears, yet the cost of hosting a Grand Prix is going UP instead of down... As Hobbo’ pointed out that the Hungarian GP organizers would be force to pay an increase in yearly hosting fees from $21m to $36m (Approx.) as the CVC Bankers, Bernie ‘N Max are loathe to lose any of their residual income in the future and are apparently intent upon wrecking the sport once known as F1?

So just who are the potential players on this day of reckoning? As deadline for entries into the 2010 Formula 1 Season were due upon May 29th and are set to be revealed (Provisionally?) today.

Well, there’s the Formula One Teams Association (FOTA) with eight of its current ten 2009 F1 Team Members (BMW Sauber, BRAWN GP, Ferrari, McLaren, Red Bull, Renault, Toro Rosso and Toyota) having posted conditional entries based upon reverting back to this year’s rules package instead of MAD Max Mosley’s Budget Handicapping Formulae... As Williams has now been joined by Force India in filing an unconditional entry for the 2010 season, breaking ranks with their FOTA brethren... As Max ‘N Bernie seek once again to crush all opposition, i.e.; FOTA, as the two Henchmen seek to drive a wedge between these Constructors.

And then there’s the New Kids on the Block, seeking entry into the exclusive Formula One Fraternity, whilst perceivably squabbling over a potential two or three new grid slots up for grabs...

As the three most promising teams appear to be the much ballyhooed USF1, Err USGPE entity of Ken Anderson & Peter Winsor alongside David Richards Prodrive operation, with Lola bringing up the rear?

Meanwhile the remaining “Supposed” entries run the gambit of true potential entrants to the inevitable “Paper Tigers...” As there are supposedly entries from: Brabham Grand Prix Team, Campos Racing, Epsilon Euskadi, Lightspeed/Team Lotus, Manor Motorsport, March, SuperFund and Wirth Research.

Thus, Its interesting to note that reportedly both USGPE and Lightspeed have already put down deposits for supply of Cosworth V-8 Lumps for next year’s Championship, while speculation suggest that Prodrive could be renewing its association with McLaren and Mercedes Benz? While we all eagerly await the revealing of the proposed 2010 F1 Entry list...

As I’m pondering if Sir Maxxum will be so bold to preclude the heavy hitters from this list in order to try continuing to make the FOTA bow to his every wish? Would the FOTA really start-up a Break-away league after the tumultuous results of the past CART-IRL Split? Or will common sense prevail.

As I’m suddenly stuck pondering whether or not I’d watch Formula 1 if BMW, Ferrari, McLaren, Renault and Toyota walked away...

Phoenix’s Iceberg

With the recent firestorm raging over the 2010 Budget Cap Formulae, its hard to believe that it was twenty years ago today that I attended my very first Formula 1 race in “the Valley of the Sun,” as this venue was the new home of the USGP, with Bernie Ecclestone and the City of Phoenix having inked a five year deal to host a temporary street circuit race around the Downtown corridor of Phoenix, Arizona.

And thus, just like May 1, 1994, I can still fondly recall where I was on June 4, 1989, as the inaugural Phoenix Grand Prix was being contested in 104 degrees HEAT! To which Jeffrey sez; “In the shade, may be?” And although many like to say it’s a DRY HEAT... So is your Oven! Yet I recall thinking how cool was it to be standing in the middle of a concrete jersey barrier canyon with the BADDEST FREAKIN’ Racing Cars on the planet whizzing by whilst a much younger Tomaso was cradling an ice cold Foster “Oil Can” in his hands to battle the oppressive heat! As ironically the promoter’s title sponsor was Iceberg! As the Formula One experiment would go the way of the Titanic, albeit at least having a three year run, as fast forward some 18 years when Champ Cars (Remember them?) Phoenix Promoter Dale Jensen, part owner of the Arizona Diamondbacks said that economic turmoil had prevented the landing of major event sponsorship. With the city of Phoenix seemingly indifferent to another street car race in the Downtown area, (After the long defunct Iceberg Grand Prix: 1989-91) still lingering on and the Phoenix Champ Car event is stillborn... As I still recall the sediments of the Arizona locals:

“I CAN’T get to my Bar! There’s some funny ‘lil cars blockin’ off the streets. What are all these Damn Foreigners doin’ here…”


1989 USGP/Iceberg Grand Prix order form

Thus, while this most magnificent circus of Formula 1 machinery played its majestical symphony of mechanical noises, unbeknownst to Mwah, across the Pacific Ocean, in the nether regions of China, a totally OBSCENE and uncalled for event to be known around the world as Tiananmen Square was unfolding…

Yet, back to happier circumstances, as your Humble Scribe has previously scribbled about encountering the GODS of F1 in Phoenix, circa 1989 in May Day, while my most entertaining memory of the Iceberg Grand Prix is Roberto’s yarn about riding the elevator with a clueless friend alongside Alessandro Nannini and asking Sandro; So, are you like one of the Team Mechanics or what? As Sandro was at the time a rising F1 Star, prior to his devastating Helicopter accident in which surgeons successfully reattached his hand!


Benetton B190B (Herbert?)

But let’s cut to the chase, shall we? As I recall unknowingly sitting in the Media section on the front straightaway with Hall and taking an unbelievable amount of photos before we were summarily dismissed due to the lack of proper credentials… WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ MEDIA CREDENTIALS!

As this was the first year of the return to a Normally Aspirated (3.5 liter) engine formulae, which brought a variety of different engines, i.e.; V-8, V-10 and V-12 “Lumps,” as Ford/Cosworth and Judd (a collaboration between John Judd and Sir Jack Brabham) led the V-8 Brigade. Meanwhile Honda and Renault were the only Manufacturers to take the V-10 route, With the “Regies” soon to be all conquering pneumatic valve V-10 making it’s debut, whilst Ferrari and Lamborghini (then owned by Chrysler) carried on with wonderful sounding V-12’s… As the Scuderia Ferrari’s shrieking V-12 was instantly recognizable, prior to its sighted arrival by the fact that the Scuderia was the only Constructor utilizing the soon to become de rigor semi-automatic paddle shift gearbox, while the remainder of the field trundled on with manual shift crash boxes… Giving the Ferrari’s an unmistakable shrill pitch that resonated above all of the rest on the 2.36 mile Temporary Street Circuit…


Drivers
McLaren’s Ayrton Senna and Alain Prost were clearly the class of the field, arguably head ‘N shoulders above the remainder of contestants, as only “Il Lione” or “BLOODY NIGE, better known as Nigel Mansell was able to regularly challenge the McLaren duo, while his teammate Gerhard Berger also occasionally joined the party. Ford’s Benetton “Works” Driver tandem of Alessandro Nannini and Rookie Johnny Herbert were an interesting pair, as one had to be impressed by Herbert’s fortitude... Having suffered a massive crash the year prior with harsh damage to his legs and feet, as I recall reading how bits of rubber from the race track’s tarmac were to exude their selves from his feet years later!


Osella? Pounding the Phoenix pavement

Williams Thierry Boutsen and Ricardo Patrese had the aforementioned Renault powerplants, while the rest of the field was primarily populated by Ford and Judd V-8 Lumps, with Tyrrell sporting such drivers as Dr. Jonathan Palmer, Michele Alboreto and rising star Jean Alesi. Ligier had the controversial Rene Arnoux and the rebadged March team, now known as Leyton House Racing featured Ivan Capelli and Mauricio Gugelmin... while Larrousse was the sole Lamborghini customer, with my favourite new team at this point for reasons unknown being the Moneytron Onyx team spearheaded by the irrepressible “Stevie Johnson,” a.k.a. Stefan Johansson, partnered with Belgian Bad Boy Bertrand Gachot...


Teams
1) Honda Marlboro McLaren; 2) Tyrrell Racing Organization; 3) Cannon Williams Team; 4) Motor Racing Developments (Brabham); 5) Arrows Grand Prix International; 6) Camel Team Lotus; 7) Leyton House March; 8) Osella Squadra Corse; 9) Benetton Formula; 10) BMS Scuderia Dallara; 11) Lois Minardi Team; 12) Ligier LOTO; 13) Scuderia Ferrari; 14) Larrousse Calmels; 15) Coloni Racing; 16) EuroRacing; 17) West Zakspeed Racing; 18) Moneytron Onyx Formula One; 19) Rial Racing; 20) Automobiles Gonformaise Sportive (AGS).


Race
Ayrton Senna set blistering times during qualifying, nearly 1.5 seconds ahead of rival teammate Alain Prost, with some cynics suggesting Senna surely must have cut thru the Sheraton parking lot? And Senna would have most likely won the race if he hadn’t suffered from “Electronics” failure, as even then Auto Manufacturers were loathe to state their engines had failed, as Prost who overcame overheating (engine, NOT Driver) problems of his own to take the chequered flag ahead of Ricardo Patrese and local oy Eddie (“Underachiever) Cheever in a Arrows/Ford, while an extremely low number of Drivers finished the event; as Christian Danner in a Rial/Cosworth was fourth, Herbert fifth and Boutsen sixth... With the rest of the field either retiring from mechanical troubles, accidents or driver fatigue; as Nannini was overcome with exhaustion, Gugelmin being DQ’ed, with the others either failing to qualify or pre-qualify as the oppressive heat took its toll.

Ironically, the 31,000+ attendees were grossly overshadowed by the 70,000 Arizonan’s taking part in that year’s inaugural Ostrich Festival in nearby Chandler, AZ... YES! You read that correctly, a Freakin’ Ostrich Festival was more popular then the Formula 1 event... Which would be moved to March the following year to beat the Desert heat... While my favourite headline from the myriad of newspaper clippings Arizona Bureau Chief MJ sent me proclaimed after the 1991 race that major improvements would make next year’s race even better! Which I’ve tucked away in a drawer somewhere, as the race was to be cancelled and the USGP would take a nine year hiatus before debuting at Indianapolis...

F1 Teams to remain in 2010?

As Y’all know by now, I’ve just returned from Indy and therefore am a bit behind on my scribbling’s, especially from Across the Pond, as I only caught fleeting images of the Monaco Grand Prix while hangin’ out in Speedway, IN and therefore have only briefly read that it now appears that the remaining nine current Formula 1 Constructors are set to file their applications for the 2010 season sometime today, while Williams had previously broken ranks when filing its 2010 application earlier this week and then being temporarily suspended from the FOTA. With the deadline for 2010 Team applications deadline being today and now apparently only three new grid slots up for grabs, who’ll be joining USGPE at the rear of the grid; could it be David Richards and Lola? Stay tuned to the never ending paint shaker hi-jinx of the Max ‘N Bernie show...

USF1 Team to have company?

During this weekend’s Spanish GP television coverage, one of the SPEED announcers thru out the tidbit that Emperor Bernardo was heard blathering on about not one but two new U.S. Formula 1 teams being in the running for the three new F1 Constructor’s grid slots up for grabs in 2010, as the FIA plans to expand its team allotments to 13 from the current 10, with 26 cars taking the green flag in Melbourne.

Yet, reportedly there’s currently eight organizations interested in joining, dependant upon the new low cost Budget Cap Formulae coming to fruition, with USF1, Err USGPE being joined by Prodrive, Lola and I-Sport, a current GP2 entity.

But there is a considerable flap brewing over the widening rift between Bernie, MAD Max and their FIA Henchmen vs. the Formula One Teams Association, (FOTA) most notably Ferrari and the other Automobile Manufacturers, with Toyota announcing it will not take part in a two-tier racing series and Red Bull’s “Deeter Majestic” making noises about leaving F1, as the two sides posturing continues to ramp-up.

Speculation suggests that if Bernard’s claims are true? As he seems to be getting more ‘N more blustery,) making me think of ex-FIA Boss Jean-Marie Balestre...) with one site pondering if Ecclestone is throwing out “Quorkies?” That USGPE could see either Penske or Andretti Green Racing joining the mix... Of which I see Penske having a hard time doing this, although I believe he still has his Poole, England resources? While AGR is currently running Team USA’s A1 GP effort... So could we see Danica and Marco in Formula One after all, or is Bernardo simply trying to infuse his might over the current FOTA members? You make the call...

Latest news from Paris

As you may be aware of, on Wednesday the FIA handed down McLaren a suspended three race ban over what some pundits have called “Ly-gate,” in which indeed Lewis Hamilton and Dave Ryan both were caught red handed doing to the Australian GP race stewards. Or as “Press Dawg” has noted; “McLaren’s now on Double Secret Probation” for the following 12 months after Martin Whitmarsh told the WMSC that McLaren was indeed guilty of breaking five counts of the Sporting Regulations, yet the team’s knuckles have basically now been wrapped with a ruler and will be free to get on with defending Hamilton’s Championship...

FIA announces revised 2010 Budget Cap plans
And as expected in the past few days, the WMSC also announced plans for a sweeping Budget Cap Formulae beginning next season, with the cap’s limit now being pushed up to $40m Euros ($59m USD) with a further number of line items being stricken from the previous $30M Euro iteration, most notably Driver’s salaries, which should be good news for USF1, Err USGPE, eh? (As this now paves the way to go after Princess ‘N Schrubb...)

Yet, I’m not impressed with the move to allow moveable front and rear wings, although perhaps this is the FIA’s attempt to give up upon policing the current front & rear wings that teams try to sneak past scrutineering, albeit Toyota was thrown to the back of the grid for said infringements... As I’m not sure what’s next? Sliding Skirts perhaps? As it seems that we’re on a slippery slope towards uncontained cornering speeds of which could potentially be detrimental to Driver’s safety in the future?

The FIA has also pushed forward the 2010 F1 Team Entry deadline to May 29th, with final team entries being announced in early June.

For full details see; FIA sets Formula One cost cap at $58.9 million

F1 Hot Flashes

Whale I tell yuhs, from two wet races to Desert sandstorms and intensely high temperatures... As in 100 degrees Fahrenheit with 13% Humidity, which means it’s a dry heat... Kinda like the same with your oven, eh?

Yet, I’m finding this to be one of the most enjoyable Formula 1 season’s in memory, purely due to the upside-downish, topsy-turvy results to date by the NOT-SO usual suspects... With the winners being from outside the perennial “Top 4” teams; and although not overly impressed by the FIA, I do have to concede that I really like the fact that all of the competitors car weights are now being published after Qualifying, as once again like Shanghai, it was easily apparent that the top two Toyota’s were the lightest chassis on the grid, a la Fredrico Suave’s Renault the week before.

And perhaps the bid for Toyota to run light had something to do with as Peter Winsor noted; how it was a bit disconcerting to see the overabundance of billboards with Timo Glock and Jarno Trulli’s enormous faces plastered everywhere leading into the circuit... Which does seem a tad bit funny to carry out such of a marketing blitz on such a tiny Island Nation, thus I found it interesting to see that young ‘ZEBB was totally correct upon his assessment of the Toyota’s being lighter, as Trulli (648.5 Kilos) was 10.5k lower then Vettel, (659k) with Glock (643k) being 16 kilos less and the lightest car on the grid... And thus indeed as Glock admitted in the interview room he’d made a mistake on track since he should have been able to outpace his teammate.

Interestingly the BMW Saubers are the heaviest cars on the grid with Kubica weighing in at a massive 698.6 Kilos vs. Heidfeld’s 696.3, which sees the tandem 50 Kilos (110.47lbs) heavier then their front row rivals... And thus after being lambasted all weekend, I’m not really sure what their strategy was? Surely not going for a single pit stop were they? As their plans went awry.

Meanwhile interestingly the fourth place Brawn GP of Button and fifth place McLaren of Hamilton were of identical weights: 652.5 Kilos, while Felipe Massa’s Ferrari weighed in at 664.5k, while the sausage in an Scuderia sandwich was Nico Rosberg, who’s Williams weighed exactly one kilo less then The Iceman’s tenth place Ferrari: 670.5 vs. 671.5 kilos respectively. While disgusted McLaren teammate Kovalainen’s 11th place chassis was heavier yet at 678.5 kilos.

And I’m guessing that the lack of commentary from Peter Winsor had something to do with him ducking the Desert heat, eh? Although ironically he interviewed some Cat nicknamed “Slow Hand” resplendent in Ferrari cap on the grid... Which seems to be the Scuderia’s trademark at the moment... Although it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that Eric Clapton was a guest of Ferrari’s, since after all, last year he got popped for speeding in his Ferrari... As rumours claim that Robert Plant, Nick Mason and E.C. were all on hand over the weekend...

And although the two Toyota’s who had their very first front row lockout after 125 starts, rocketed off into the distance, I enjoyed Vettel’s assessment of Louise JAGUAR Hamilton using his “Special Button” (KERS) to catapult himself from fifth to third at the start... Although Button made a brilliant pass upon JAGUAR which would ultimately help him win the race outright, while Vettel and Trulli-Scrumptous fought over second place which the young German wound up taking ahead of the Italian... With Hamilton taking fourth ahead of Rubino, who in turn bested The Iceman, who managed to score Scuderia Ferrari’s very first points of the season, under the scrutiny of Ferrari’s Luca di Montezemolo...

So let’s take a gander at the wacky leader board to date, shall we?

2009 F1 Point Standings
(Round 4 of 17)

Drivers
Jenson Button: 31; Rubens Barrichello: 19; Sebastian Vettel: 18;
Jarno Trulli: 14.5; Timo Glock: 12; Mark Webber: 9.5;
Lewis Hamilton: 9; Fernando Alonso: 5; Nick Heidfeld: 4;
Heikki Kovalainen: 4; Nico Rosberg: 3.5; Sebastian Boomi: 3;
Kimi Raikkonen: 3; Sebastian Bourdais: 1.

NOTE:
Half Points awarded for ’09 Malaysian Grand Prix, as the race was Red Flagged before half distance. First time since the 1991 Australian GP.

Constructors
BRAWN GP: 50
Red Bull: 27.5
Toyota: 26.5
McLaren: 13
Renault: 5
BMW Sauber: 4
Toro Rosso: 4
Williams: 3.5
Ferrari: 3
Force India: 0

2010 F1 Team floodgates to open?

As the speculation continues to swirl over the apparent rush of potential new contenders for the supposed three open grid slots up for grabs for the 2010 Formula 1 World Championship... Much fuss has been made over the fact that this bonanza is being fed by the proposed $30m (Euro) Budget Cap Formulae desired by MAD Max Mosley... Of which it’s now reported that Driver’s salaries will not be included in the budget restrictions...

And thus, as USGPE is already known to be on the grid for 2010, this supposedly leaves just two open slots of which now David Richards is rumoured to be considering bringing Aston Martin onboard, while Lola has just announced they plan to do a feasibility study... While there also is scuttlebutt over various GP2 teams being interested in moving up the ranks... So, we’ll see and so much for a budget crisis, eh?

Vettel makes good again

(2009 Chinese GP Podium - Motorsport.com)

Whale, I don’t know about Y’all, but I found this weekend’s Chinese Grand Prix to be a most enjoyable outing, especially since Sebastian Vettel once again put on a masterful driving clinique in the wet stuff at Shanghai... As that ‘Ol Eagles song “There’s a new Kid in Town” comes to mind... But don’t call the youngest ever Formula 1 winner and German Wunderkind “Baby Schuey...” As he AIN’T NO Schuey, eh? So good on you ZEBB to speak your mind!

And I find the SPEED TV Statistician’s to be simply amazing with the facts they come up with so many “Johnny on the Spot.” As it was mentioned over the weekend that it was the first Renault 1-2-3 in qualifying since 1996 and then they proceeded to name the three drivers; Villeneuve, Hill and alesi... Along with mentioning the fact that the young Messer Vettel’s taking maiden victories for two teams was the first such time since some “Wee Scot,” Err Cat named Sir Jackie Stewart had done this feat way back in 1968 and 1970 for which I thought I heard March and Tyrrell?

(As do NOT quote me on these trivia answers since I wasn’t taking notes this weekend as I’m still unbelievably “Under the Weather.” SHEISA!!!)

And although I enjoyed listening to and watching my first Versus Indy Car television broadcast, I have to confess that I simply find the SPEED TV Formula 1 crew to be more enjoyable... As there’s just something to the witticism of “The House ‘O Winsor,” a.k.a. Peter Winsor; who wryly noted that Lord Jenson Button was complaining about being caught in traffic during qualifying this weekend when last year he was the traffic! As JENSE’ was seemingly quite good natured in the post race press conference and retains the Championship points lead...

And isn’t it simply amazing to see how far the mighty Scuderia have fallen this season? As once again Ferrari was blanked from breaking an unbelievable “Duck” in regards to current points tally this season, as its Scuderia Ferrari’s worst season start since 1981!

Team Principle says Ferrari down, but not out

And thus we’re off to Bahrain, where the sand blown oasis offers up what Hobbo affectionately calls “Desert Klag!” As it’ll be the fourth consecutive “Fly-away” event of the season before the teams return home to kick off what’s affectionately known as the “European” season when the ten Constructors will drive their Tractor Trailers to Barcelona for the Spanish Gran Prix, where many hope to come on song a la the shiekish “Double Decker” Diffuser’s and hopefully give Brawn GP and Toyota a run for the considerable dinero they’ve shilled out to play “Catsup...”

Crikey’s Mates! Can you imagine just how good young ZEBB will be when Adrian Newey puts the finishing touches upon the RB5?

Now I’m off to watch a ‘lil Memorex to see what ‘Ol Open Wheel Racing Curmudgeon Robin Miller has to say after having rubbed elbows with Mr. Jeffrey LBGP of My Name is IRL...

UPDATE:
Whale although I managed to SCREW-UP the liddle ‘Ol VCR recording times... I do feel a little better knowing that the Chinese blunder of National Anthems during Sunday’s podium celebrations has now been duly noted... As I sat there thinking how odd it was that they were playing Gawd Save the Queen, i.e.; BLOODY ‘Ol Britain’s song instead of the Austrian National Anthem...

OOPS!

China plays WRONG National Anthem

Perhaps they were afraid of ‘ZEBB pulling’ a Michael Schumacher? As we DON’T want NO Stinkin’ German dancing ‘N singing during the National Anthem, eh?

Clover pennies

Something ‘bout the Tax Man comes to mind today... Ah, where’s George Harrison when yuhs needs him, eh? As there’s NO Tea Bagging going on here! Especially since Urban Dictionary paints a different view of the terminology, eh?


They brainwashed my great uncleBrainwashed my cousin BobThey even got my grandma when she wasworking for the mobBrainwash you while you're sleepingWhile you're in a traffic jamBrainwash you while you're weepingWhile still a baby in your pramBrainwashed by the MilitaryBrainwashed under duressBrainwashed by the mediaYou're brainwashed by the pressBrainwashed by computerBrainwashed by mobile phonesBrainwashed by the satelliteBrainwashed to the bone
Brainwashed; Lyrics and song by George Harrison

And speaking of Brainwashing, Err Courtroom Hi-jinx, I find it rich that the lawyer representing Ferrari in Diffuser-Gate accused Ross Brawn of being Arrogant... Something about the kettle calling the pot black, eh? As fortunately the FIA has ruled in favour of the Diffuser teams Brawn, Toyota and Williams by deeming their “Double Decker” Diffusers to be legal and discarding the arguments and appeals filed by Ferrari, Renault, Red bull and BMW Sauber... And thus, I’m assuming that the said teams above plus the remaining non “Double Stuff” Diffuser teams will commence obligatory hashing about of rear Diffuser appendages toot sweet! And perhaps even some of the “Big Four” teams may fly in upgrade kits this weekend in Shanghai? As the ruling means that JENSE’ keeps his two victories and his points lead in the F1 World Championship, while Brawn GP has done the unthinkable and won the first two Grand Prix’s in a row by a new team since the inception of the modern day Formula 1 Championship when Alfa romeo did likewise in 1950.

Next up is the deliverance of McLaren’s radio follies... In which I believe that the team and Louise “JAGUAR” Hamilton should be thrown out of a said minimum of races for their ludicrous transgressions... I mean C’mon, wouldn’t the FIA, Max ‘N Bernie throw the book at Herr Schumacher?

Meanwhile in Key Biscayne, Err Miami Florida, where I’m told that its hard to get a sun tan whilst trolling the hallways of Federal Courtrooms, the Hulio jury has asked for further clarification upon tax codes from the Judge as well as transcripts of certain Tax professionals as its deliberations continue on as Y’all await anxiously the outcome of Hulio’s latest Dancin’ contest. As I’d assume he’ll not be taking part in this weekend’s Long Beach Grand Prix, which like Jeffrey... You really should tell your neighbors to give Versus and Indy Cars a try this weekend, eh?

Judgment Day

Today in Paris, the FIA will decide the fates of the three alleged Difusser’s, Err Diffuser teams: Brawn GP, Toyota and Williams, whom have been alleged by Ferrari, Renault, Red Bull and BMW Sauber of having “Illegal” rear barn doors, Err bodywork that has skated the spirit of the technical rules...

Me thinks this is purely sour grapes and I personally hope that the FIA does NOT give into the wishes of those “Large-esqe” teams bellyaching over NOT having cleverly interpreted the rules... Of which all teams have had the same amount of time to do so... And one more thing I’d like to point out, I believe that all three teams in question, i.e.; Brawn, Toyota and Williams are NOT currently campaigning the optional KERS system... Hence I’d suggest that their pace is solely not due to their “Double Decker” Derri-ay’s... But the culmination of the entire aero package coupled with the judicious placement of said ballast, eh?

As I find it most amusing that the Scuderia is off to its worst season start since 1992 and its Technical Manager Luca Baldisserri is spending the week in Maranello instead of traveling to Shanghai, while the Ronster and Co. are seemingly having trouble with keying their radios to the proper frequencies...

Hamilton sent packing

Lewis Hamilton, the reigning Formula 1 world Champion has been excluded from his third place finish in Australia, after it was deemed that he and McLaren weren’t totally forthcoming when discussing the events between him and Jarno Trulli, who now is reinstated in third place and Hamilton scores zero point’s Down Under...

Hamilton Excluded from Australian GP

Ross Brawn pinches himself

“There’s NO place like Home!”
“There’s NO place like Home!”
“There’s NO place like Home!”

As Ross Brawn could be heard over the radio telling “JENSE,” You’re in OZ, Mate! And you’ve just WON the BLOODY Australian Grand Prix... After the wayward Brit noted that he didn’t feel like he was in Brackley anymore...

So, I’ve finished watching the tape, spending the whole morning reveling in the siren song of the Formula 1 beasts, albeit mightily muted via the in-car feeds via the Telescreen... And I just basically sat there laughing...

As obviously by now Y’all have heard that the unthinkable happened with Brawn GP having a fairytale weekend Down Under, as first they shockingly captured the first two slots upon the grid in Qualifying... A feat that hadn’t occurred since 1970 in Kyalami, South Africa with the March Formula 1 team with drivers Sir Jackie Stewart and Chris Amon.

Then, Brawn GP hoped to score their Grand Prix team’s maiden victory in their Formula 1 debut at Albert Park, something that hadn’t occurred since 1977...

And thanks to the shenanigan’s of Red Bull Racing’s Sebastian Vettel, Rubens Barrichello was able to inherit second fiddle, Err place after having played whackumobile the entire day, as a somewhat sheepish “Zebb” was reported to have said that Sir Richie was going to let him fly FREE in First Class all season long if he’d keep Kubica from snatching BLOODY NIGE’s, Err, Jense’s victory in the waning stages of the race, while Deeter Majestic could be heard screaming “KILL THE RADIO!”

Yet the quip of the weekend had to go to ‘Ol Hobbo, as he wryly noted how the Kimster judiciously applied the “Iron Door” to the fast approaching Rubino... But what the HELL! When’s the last time that a customer car has blown off multiple World Champions, eh? As I’m assuming that the folks in Tokyo are licking their chops at the moment, while Ferrari can at least take solace in the fact that the Mercedes “Lump” was in the back of the Brawn and not those pesky McLaren’s.

Meanwhile Jarno Trulli was docked a 25 second time penalty for passing young “Louise JAGUAR” Hamilton while behind the Safety Car, you know the one that had a hard time coming out on track... And thus Hamilton inherited third after his worst starting grid position of his career... While Messer Vettel has been docked 10 grid spots for Malaysia after his contretemps with the Krakow Kid, along with Red Bull being fined $50,000 for ordering Zebb to keep going on three wheels.

And lastly, the Diffuser Spat Appeal will be heard on April 14th, but as Peter Winsor noted, it may be a bit hard to overturn, since three different F1 teams all came up with their unique interpretations of the rules, while Toyota will attempt to appeal Trulli’s penalty...

Updated Entry list

Now which car was I supposed to be in?

Whale the first day of Formula 1 has wrapped up with some very entertaining changes atop the time sheets... And it will be interesting to see if these remain constant thru the weekend? As its worth noting that the top runners are without KERS.

Meanwhile, with BRAWN GP being declared a new entity, they were demoted to the final garage on the pit lane along with being the lowest Constructor and were given the numbers 20-21. Hey wait a minute; we’ve already spent buhzillions upon our ’09 merchandise with those numbers decried Force India’s Vijay Malia... And thus Brawn was given the new numbers of 22-23...

Updated F1 Entry list

It’s Showtime!

Next, please.
Ticket.
And how many bags will you be checking Mister Eccle-Stone?
Ok, that’ll be 75 Pounds, as there’s a L25 fee for the first bag and a L50 for the second, Sir.
(Bollacks Bernardo, we’re only going for the weekend, Mate... Bugger Off Maxie!)
Sir, I’m sorry but your RBS Debit Card has been denied... Do you have another card?

BLOODY HELL! Here, try my Platinum Gold Members Only Barclay’s Premium Card... And Maxie, dear boy. Would you please make sure to give Tony Blair a ring on your mobile and ask him what’s up with my RBS card, eh?

Very well Sir, now if I could just see your ID. WHAT!!! DON’T you know who I am? I’m Bernard Ecclestone...

And did you pack your bags yourself, Sir?

Very well, window or aisle seat, Sir?
But, I’m supposed to have the whole aisle to myself dear.
Well I’m sorry Sir, but it appears that all of 1st Class is booked full today, I have you seated next to a Max Mosley in 3A, will that be ok with you Sir?

Attention in the boarding area, this is the final call for Quantas 4979 to Queensland. All passengers should be boarded at this time.

Paging a Sir Frank Williams, please proceed immediately to gate DCF98, as your flight will depart without you in 2:00 minutes. Once again that’s Sir Frank Williams to gate Delta-Charlie-Foxtrot nine eighter...

Good morning gentlemen, may I get you something to drink? Why yes dearie, I’ll take a Screwdriver and for you Sir? I’ll have a Beefeater and make it quick Doll.

Chicken or Beef?
I’ll take the beef Doll.
Ding!
Ding!
Actually Dear, I ordered the Kosher... Oh sorry about that Mister Mosley.
And bring me another Screwdriver...
Ding!
Ding!
Yes Mister Eccle-Stone?
This brisket is too tough... Give this one to Gordo or one of his other sorry ass hacks in the back and bring me another one...

Oh Gawd! What’s that swarmy Bastard doing up here in 1st Class? Doesn’t he know that the forward restrooms only for us?

Maxie, be a dear and say Hi to Fredrico for me and tell him I’m taking a nap...


WHALE! It’s finally here... As its time to put another Shrimp on the Barbie, grab a cold Fosters and TURN UP THE VOLUME! As another riveting season of Formula 1 is set to commence in just less than 24 hours...


Err, check that, as Y’all will need to potentially stock up on some Red Bull, you know its “Zebb’s” favourite beverage... (SHEISA! I’m startin’ to sound like ye ‘Ol Rick “Insert $ponsor Here” Benjamin, Crikeys!) Since Austrailia is actually a day ahead of us and the SPEED TV coverage will be very late at night for all of you on the East coast, with Inside Grand Prix and Formula 1 Practise coverage beginning in the wee hours of tonight!

2009 F1 Season Preview

Last minute F1 rule changes 2.0

Perhaps you’ve heard about the controversial last moment rule changes which could significantly impact the face of Formula 1 in the near and overall future... These being the change to the points system and the budget cap formula.

I am most aghast over the farcical changing of the scoring system, which having been ram rodded thru the WMSC on March 17th, was to see whoever had the most wins during the season being proclaimed the Driver’s Champion... While second place onwards would have been decided by overall points as well as the Constructor’s Championship, as this rule was seemingly brought into farce by Emperor Bernardo decreeing his most absurd “Medals” system for the three podium spots a la the Olympics, as the person with the most gold medals would be champion. Yet, as I posted the link to an online poll over this, I along with the majority of participants were vehemently opposed to the idea, as I believe the poll was running somewhere in the 77% + region AGAINST this... But hey, what do the fans know, eh?

While I’m all in favour of the driver with the most victories winning that season’s title, I don’t think this should be artificially created, I mean if I wanna watch big time wrasslin’ I can simply drop in on some Roundy-round series

Yet, I’m sure this won’t be the last time the FIA tinkers with the point’s structure, as they’ve now changed their tune, deferring the new points system until 2010 after the Formula One Teams Association (FOTA) challenged this last minute switch and pointed out two sections of the rules book being breached by the FIA over this matter...

And contrary to popular belief, it’s the FIA, nee Bernardo who got us into this predicament. As prior to 2003 the points were 9-6-4-3-2-1. But with Michael Schumacher dominating that season’s Championship; besting his nearest competitor (teammate Rubens Barrichello) by a then record 67 points enroute to winning 11 Grand Prix’s, the “Schumacher” rule was invoked. With the current watering down of the points to eighth place and being awarded 10-8-6-5-4-3-2-1; which almost produced the result being sought, a new Driver’s Champion as the Finnish upstart Kimi Raikkonen looked poised to knock Michael off his thrown with a multitude of second place finishes in only his third season, before ultimately finishing runner-up to Herr Schumacher by a scant two points. Meanwhile arch nemesis Juan Pablo Montoya finished third overall, a mere 11 points adrift, as a three horse race for World Champion existed during the majority of the season. Yet if “The Iceman” (Raikkonen) had won that year’s title, it would have been on the propensity of his runner-up finishes. (7-0) Hmm? Where was Ecclestone then? Isn’t that the exact scenario he’s bellyaching over now, as Schumacher had a total of six wins vs. Raikkonen’s one. Yet, even with the tweaking of the points system, Schuey went onto Throttle the competition in ’04 with an obscene 13 victories...

And if Michael Schumacher is ASTOUNDED! And Fernando Alonso wants to know why they’re constantly changing the rules... Do the voices of two multiple World Champions resonate and does anything more really need to be said? Even Lewis Hamilton has spoken out against this, not to mention two prominent Team Principles... I mean what’s next? Will we return to the era of Senna-Prost deliberately taking one another off the track and out of races to secure Championships... As I’d prefer to leave “The Rubbin’ is Racin’” to another crowd.

And thus, thankfully we’ll hold off from this nonsense for the following season, as I believe that we should either retain the current points system or better yet the FOTA’s proposal of tweaking the points to favour driver’s incentive for winning, i.e.; 12-9-7-5-4-3-2-1.

As for the just announced budget cap formula, I’m a bit foggy upon this since first off there seems to be two different figures floating about, as I’ve seen both $30 million and $42m being bantered about le internets, unless that’s the current Euro vs. Dollar conversion rate? (OUCH!) As this new formula devised by the deviant Sir MAXXUM is a new formula for which teams would have nearly unlimited freedom in car design in return for these teams entire season budget not exceeding this figure, and that includes Driver’s and Team Principle’s salaries; as in everything minus the kitchen sink, Err team’s motor home and any subsequent fines.

Interestingly, I’m drawn into the way back machine, when a similar synopsis occurred during a previous struggle between teams and the FIA during the onset of the turbo era in the early 1980’s, when the mostly British Cosworth runners were given one set of rules, most notably a weight break and the upstart turbo chariots were forced to live with a higher weight limit... Although the turbo cars ultimately prevailed until these outrageous horsepower laden vehicles were abolished for the 1989 season... So will history prevail once again or will this become part of F1’s new allure, as sliding weight scales and inlet restrictors in the name of level playing fields isn’t exactly a new concept, yet this doesn’t seem fitting for the pinnacle of Motorsport, nor does the bungled hashing about rules.

Although it’s hard to think that perhaps the achieved effect has occurred, since everybody was talking about it, even RASSCAR just weeks prior to the season kickoff...

And then there were 10 little...

Chickenzs Liddle? As Y’all knows itz tastes likes chicken... As I was just ponderin’ if 10 Little Indians was Politically Correct anymore? As the Ten; Yup, count-em All 10 Formula 1 Constructors were present and accounted for at the very final Pre-season Formula 1 test held at Barcelona last week, and DAMN! You’ll never guess who took the top honours of this weeks Winter Olympics... As none other then casually late to the dance pardner Brawn GP flexed its musk-cles in dare I say it? To entice potential sponsors to ante up? As rumours have suggested that perhaps either Emirates Airlines or Austrian based online gambling company Bwin, or both may be posting signage on the Brawn “Bee-Gee 01: (BGP001) chassis... Which could arrive in Melbourne sporting a Black ‘N Orange paint scheme? As I don’t believe those colours have been seen since the days ‘O Tom Walkinshaw’s Orange Arrows outfit; while I’m certain some F1 aficionado will correct me upon this?

Barcelona Day 4 Test times
1) R. Barrichello/Brawn GP, 1:18.926, 110 laps
2) N. Rosberg/Williams, 1,:19.774, 120
3) T. Glock/Toyota, 1:20.091, 128
4) S. Vettel/Red Bull, 1:20.576, 83
5) F. Alonso/Renault, 1:20.664, 64

Final winter test at Barcelona

Let’s make a Deal!

While the credit crunch continues to gobble it’s way thru the Global Economy, apparently Max Mosley and the Formula One teams Association (FOTA) are in a race to see who’ll be first to produce the correct blueprint for the future of the sport, as the FOTA has just revealed their roadmap in Geneva, which is certain to differ and most likely go against Mosley’s and Bernie Ecclestone’s visions...

Teans willing to sign new concorde deal

F1 Launch Fever

Whale, it’s almost that time again... Although I’d assume this year’s Formula 1 Launch parties will be somewhat subdued in spite of the current economic situation, as some F1 teams will simply debut their new (interim) 2009 challengers at upcoming test sessions, while others will host traditional launches, with apparently the Heavy Hitters all launching in January, whilst others will wait until February? Thus, here’s what’s been speculated upon so far.


January 15
Ferrari: fiorano Test Track - launch
Toyota: Pictures made public

January 16
McLaren: Woking Factory - Launch

January 19
Renault: Portugal – Test Session
Williams: Portugal – Test Session

January 20
BMW Sauber: Valencia – Test Session

TBA
Force India
Red Bull Racing
Scuderia Toro Rosso

And perhaps a further team to be named later, nee Honda F1’s decision to pull out of Formula 1!

WMSC Rubber stamps FIA proposal

As expected, the World Motor Sport Council, (WMSC) which convened in Paris on Friday, December 12th has rubber stamped the radical FIA rules revisions proposed by Max Mosley along with the unanimous agreement of the Formula One Teams Association (FOTA) which represents all of the current F1 Constructors.

These Formula 1 rule revisions are fairly substantial and aimed toward major cost reduction for the sports competitors, yet once again it appears that the employees will get the short end of the stick!

Some of the major revisions are as follows...

2009:
Engines: Mandatory three race weekend distance; 18,000RPM maximum rev limit; Maximum use of 20 engines per season.

2010:
Tire warmers and Refueling BANNED!

For a more in-depth look at the accepted changes, see: FIA Rule Changes

The F1 “Big Boy’s” are staying put

With Honda’s bombshell of pulling the plug upon its Formula 1 effort, and Max Mosley’s less than encouraging attitude towards the current status of the sport, many are wondering if any of the other Automobile manufacturers will be leaving the Grand Prix circus.

Thus, BMW Sauber, Ferrari, Mercedes Benz, Renault and Toyota have jointly announced that they’re all planning to continue their respective programs in Formula 1 and are disappointed over Honda’s departure...

Voices of Calm

Will the German Grand Prix fail?

As the global economic crisis continues to swirl, and it becomes more obvious that all arenas of motorsports are in for a bumpy ride, now comes word that Formula 1 may lose another (two) venues? As the organizers of the Hockenheimring have just divulged that it incurred a loss of $4.1m (Euros) this past July.

Although next year’s German GP is slated to take place at the rival Nurburgrin, Hockenheim’s track management have also announced that without government assistance, it will no longer be able to host a round of the Formula 1 circus in the future, which would most likely cause the Nurburgring to forgo F1 also.

And even if Emperor Bernardo isn’t worried by this, I’m sure that it would be a blow for Mercedes Benz, BMW and Toyota, who’s based in Colone, not to mention that 25% of the ’08 grid was comprised by German drivers...

Fears for German GP

Bernie digging for Gold

Perhaps you’ve heard of the INSANE idea promoted by the prima Dona Emperor Bernardo regarding that he wishes to see the current F1 points system abandoned in favour of having the top three finishers racing for and being awarded medals, a la the Olympics instead. As the winner would receive a gold, with the following two piloto’s being awarded silver and bronze, with the Driver’s World Championship being decided upon whomever has the most gold medals, as Bernie claims:
“He has all the teams behind him on this issue, meaning the change could be ratified by the FIA at the next World Motor Sport Council (WMSC) meeting in December.”

Yet, for once, it appears that “EJ” (Eddie Jordan) the ex-owner of Jordan Grand Prix has hit the nail firmly on the top of its head by recently telling the BBC:

Eddie Jordan:
“I believe Ecclestone has lost his focus on the real issues facing Formula 1, such as cost-cutting.
"I think they [Ecclestone's proposals] are a nonsense.”
"I can't possibly believe he's thinking straight, especially on this one.
“His focus must be on cost-cutting and nothing else, the rest is just dressing it up. Jordan added that he did not see anything wrong with the current points-scoring system and doubts that Ecclestone had secured the full support of all the teams – especially those racing at the back that of the field.
"The points are necessary," he said.
"I was one of the team principals who advocated the points should go down to eighth place because one point is as important to those teams as a win is to McLaren and Ferrari."
"He is tinkering with something on which he has lost the understanding.
“He thinks only wins matter.
"When Hamilton lost the race in Spa and it was given to Massa, can you believe the controversy that would have created?
"There has not been enough thought put into this and for him to say that it comes with the full approval of all the teams - I'm sorry, I just don't believe it."

Yet, thankfully, it appears that this ridiculous notion will NOT be implemented in 2009 as Ecclestone has claimed. Now explain to me; why are Emperor bernardo and Sir Maxxum WASTING precious time coming up with such IDIOTIC ideas like this and standardized engines...

After all;

“The current ranking system that offers points from first to eighth place was introduced in 2003 after Michael Schumacher dominated the previous year's championship, taking the crown with six races remaining at the French Grand Prix.”
(Source: ITV-F1.com)

F1 Global branding

Well, interestingly, while every bodies screaming for cost savings (Especially Sir Maxxum and the FIA!) Emperor Bernardo has decided to seek new revenue streams and has just landed a sponsorship alliance with Korea's LG Electronics;
“As LG will become the official Consumer Electronics, Mobile Phone and Data Processor of Formula 1, beginning in January 2009.

As the deal is for multiple years, one must wonder if Bernie’s seeking to replicate the IOC and FIFA Global alliance/partnership deals is to simply increase FIA’s coffers. (And ultimately his, as Messer Ecclestone is in need of cash infusion upon his wife seeking divorce...) Or is this a strategic move to cover the costs of paying off the interest owed to the banks by CVC whom currently own Formula 1, and could potentially be forced into bankruptcy if the Formula One Teams Association (FOTA) manages to successfully increase its percentage of capital doled out by the FIA from 50% to perhaps as much as 80%.

Global partnerships and F1

Niceland

While some of us may be singing;
Happy Days are here again
Happy Days are here again

I’d suggest it’s hardly time to roll out the barrel... (Pun intended) as Y’all know, we’re in a world of economic hurt! Just-in-time for the upcoming Holidays, eh? And I don’t think it’ll rebound anytime soon? As the following scenario’s are playing out in the Motorsports arena, having already noted the impending merger of DEI and Ganassi/Sabates in RASSCAR, along with the news that RASSCAR has banned all testing next season, plus the current glut of driver’s on the free agency market in Indy Car’s, not to mention the most likely lower car count next season...

As it should be apparent, that when the economy goes into a tailspin, extra-curricular activities such as motor racing are usually effected, if not hard hit in justifying the multi-million dollar expenditures of running successful racing operations.

Thus, turning our attention to the world of Formula 1, I had to laugh upon catching the gimmicky ING advert that ran multiple times during the season finale in Brazil, where the crowd goes wild chanting Fernando, Fernando in the glitzy promo...

This after the Netherlands largest banking institution posted its very first loss of $500 million euros ($670m USD) since being formed in 1991, with its company roots dating back to 1743. News of the loss seemingly sparked a shares sell-off as ING’s stock price dropped 27% and is down 70%+ this year, as the banking and insurance giant will reportedly sell an 8.5% stake to the Netherlands government in order to secure up to $9b Euros of cash infusion...

Obviously ING is a big player in the world of F1, as it not only is the title sponsor of the Renault F1 team, but also sponsors several current rounds of the Formula One calendar along with substantial race track advertising.

Meanwhile, the Williams team would appear to be in an even deeper threat of financial turmoil, as various sponsors are in economic trouble, with the team relying heavily upon Iceland’s Bogger Group’s Hamleys and mydiamonds.com, RBS (Royal Bank of Scotland) and Brazils’ Petrobras sponsorship.

As we’re all possibly aware of; Iceland is in current economic meltdown, as the country defaulted on its national currency and is currently seeking rescue from the International Monetary Fund, (IMF) to the tune of a $6b aid package, (can you say bailout?) which to date, hasn’t been approved as foreign banks seek repayment of current investments, while Ukraine and Hungary also are currently seeking financial aid packages from the IMF in order to stave off potential bankruptcy. Yet, Spain is currently in a major slump and the German government has just announced an $80 billion ($108b USD) financial aid package that allows for 5% to not be repaid...

Meanwhile the Royal Bank of Scotland has been taken over by the British Government in an attempt to recapitalize the Scottish bank, which has two years remaining on its sponsorship deal with Sir Frank Williams.

And lastly, Brazilian oil giant Petrobras, will depart the Grove squad in favour of Honda’s Brackley based F1 team for the 2009 season, as it seeks to pursue sponsoring a young Brazilian driver in favour of Williams current driver duo.

Thus, these are just some of the current financial implications affecting just two of the current ten Formula 1 Constructors, not to mention potentially affecting Emperor Bernardo’s bank account... Nah!

Yet, while oil sponsorship may seem impenetrable in some circles, I’m sure that all major corporations are having to rethink their long term marketing plans and perhaps Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro may wish to rethink its rumoured sponsorship tie-up with Spanish bank Santander,, ci? Of course this deal was allegedly on the condition that Fredrico Suave, a.k.a. Fernando Alonso joined the Scuderia as Kimi Raikkonen’s replacement, which now seems unlikely until 2011 at the earliest and thus, I’d assume the Spanish bank will continue its original contract with McLaren thru 2009...

Bernie spice

Well, I’m guessing its all over the tabloids and newswires in jolly ‘Ol England, perhaps even garnering front page status upon Rhubarb Murdoc’s The News of the World? That reportedly, Emperor Bernardo’s wife of 24yrs; Slavica Ecclestone is considering filing for divorce. And I liked Dave Despain’s spin on the topic the most; “Does anybody care?”

Yet, the reason for the big deal is the fact that the Ecclestone’s reported worth in the region of $3.5 billion is nesting in offshore bank accounts, or is that Switzerland bank accounts, etc and the majority of their assets are in her name, not to mention the company named after her SLEC, which is the umbrella organization holding the majority of the Formula 1 business organizations under Emperor Bernardo’s control...

Ecclestone’s wife leaves home

Black Panthers

So, I’ve been having a few discussions with Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen over the subject matter regarding how it seems that nobody’s broaching the topic of the colour barrier in Der Vurld der Motorsporten...

Of which I recently scribbled about in the story titled Hope, to which Mary Ellen immediately replied by saying; Lewis Hamilton’s not an African American, which indeed he’s not... As I enjoyed the Speed Freaks crew’s assessment; He’s a Black born, British World Champion! While Stat Man Caruthers also immediately corrected Kenny Sergeant when he pronounced that Lewis Hamilton was the first African American to win the Formula 1 World Championship, as Bob Varsha repeatedly commented; Do we bring the matter up? As part of the world wishes to remain colour blind, while the other half thinks it’s important to mention.

As now, that “Jaguar’s” (Hamilton_ done it! It seems that the topic is once again making the rounds, albeit just-in-time for today’s potentially historic Presidential election... Which I thouroghly expect Barack Obama to win and hence, become the nation’s very first Black President!

Brazil Post-race quotes

Lewis Hamilton (5th)
"The most dramatic race of my whole life. It's pretty much impossible to put this into words: I'm still speechless. It's been such a long journey, but I've always had the support of my family, the team, our partners and the fans. We did a fantastic job throughout the whole year and, with all the sacrifices we made, I'm so thrilled to be able to win this for everyone."
"Before it started to rain I was quite comfortable, and I was just focused on having a clean race. Then it started to drizzle and I didn't want to take any risks - but Sebastian (Vettel) got past me and I was told that I had to get back in front of him. I couldn't believe it. Then at the very last corner I managed to get past Timo (Glock) - it was just amazing."
"This was one of the toughest races of my life, if not the toughest. I was shouting, 'Do I have it? Do I have it?' on the radio. It was only when I took the chequered flag and got to Turn One that the team told me I was World Champion. I was ecstatic."

Felipe Massa (Winner)
“Well, I think as Kimi said, we did everything perfect today and unfortunately it was not enough. I think we did a great championship, we had some up and downs and we paid for that and we are also paying now a little bit but racing is like that. Sometimes you just have a perfect year with so many victories, a very reliable car, and sometimes you have some ups and downs and that's racing. From one year to the other things change. That was our championship but even if we had some ups and downs I think everybody did a great job. Everybody worked really hard to achieve our goals with the heart and sometimes things don't happen in the way we want. But that's racing. That's the sport, sometimes it is a little bit different than we expect. We need to be happy with our Constructors' championship. It is very important and I am sure our President, everybody inside the team is very, very proud and very happy like me as we need to be. The second thing is we need to congratulate Lewis because he did a great championship and he scored more points than us, so he deserves to be champion. I know how to lose and I know how to win and as I said before it is another day of my life from which I am going to learn a lot. Hopefully we come back here with the title but anyway I think it is part of our experience, part of our life. I am sure everybody here, me, Fernando, Kimi, knows how tough it is to be a driver. Sometimes things are very easy and something happens you don't expect. Sometimes things are very difficult and you win without expecting, so we know a lot about that and that is another day. But as I said I am very happy and I am leaving the track with my head completely up as I think we did everything we could.”
*Source: Grandprix.com)

So, do you think Barack's opponents will be as gracious in defeat as SPEED’s Peter Winsor commended Felipe Massa for being, at the end of the Post-race press conference...

New World Order

(Photo source: Grandprix.com)

Whale! What a truly epic nail biter the 2008 F1 Season Finale was, eh?

As a long time fan of Herr Schumacher’s, a.k.a. Michael Schumacher, the brother of “Vurld” famous Ralfanso, I’ve been a devoted Tiafosi since the German departed my previous favourite Formula One team Benetton, way back in 1995.

Thus being devoted to the Scuderia since the last BLOODY Bloke from Jolly ‘Ol England; Damon Hill finally defeated his arch nemesis “Schuey” behind the wheel of Sir Frank’s Williams-Renault, I recall having cast squared jaw “Brit” David Coulthard as one of the enemies during the Schumacher reign, (Of terror?) while “Jense” (Button) was touted as the new British hope upon his arrival in Formula 1.

Yet, nobody could be the unrivaled mastery of the German, who as we all know, went on to capture a record setting seven F1 Driver’s World Championships, along with helping his two respective teams to capture a total of seven Constructor’s titles, while obliterating the rest of the Grand Prix record book...

And since 2002, I’ve fondly thought of the phrase; “Immer Ferrari,” when Mary Ellen asked the neighboring “huns” at the Nurburgring who’d they’d root for after Schuey had retired. And believe me, I’m NO talent spotter, but the driver that most garnered my attention was a very young 21yr old Fin, by the name of Kimi Raikkonen way back in 2001 when he made his rookie debut driving for Peter Sauber’s privateer outfit. Thus, it was logical that I’d take up rooting for the Iceman when he somewhat acrimoniously took over Michael’s seat at the Scuderia for the ’07 season, which miraculously saw Kimi go on to become World Champion in Brazil by the narrowest of margins.

Another driver “pick” of mine, was the mercurial Brazilian Felipe Massa, having also been suitably impressed by his driving at Sauber, then going off to become a Ferrari test driver before returning for a second stint at the Hinwil based outfit and then picked as Schumacher’s teammate at Ferrari for ’06, when “Rubino” left to challenge for the title with Honda.

And although we didn’t get to have any free crème soda’s while exiting the media center that hot July afternoon, (Danny) one of the coolest things in regards to Felipe, was getting to watch him taking part in the live interview at Indianapolis in ’06, when via close circuit TV, we got to witness the top three post race interviewee’s talking live in their native tongue’s, as race winner Michael Schumacher prattled on in Deutch, with Felipe in Portugese and third place Giancarlo Fisichella in Italian.

Thus, I’ve been facing a bit of a dilemma during the past few races, as in being torn between Massa and Lewis Hamilton, who may not be my favourite piloto, but is one HELL of a driver, as I’d have to say, that since Kimi seems to have gone a bit off the boil this season, I’ve been kind of rooting for Felipe after having resigned myself to the fact that Raikkonen wasn’t going to be a title contender. And I’m still quite puzzled to how Massa has been able to so thoroughly dominate the Finn this year, as the Iceman was once considered the fastest gun on the track...

But, I’ve enjoyed watching how all of these drivers have developed, as I recall vividly how Kimi learned how to do the Schuey “Squeeze,” after Michael had forced him wide at Magny Cours in ’02 enroute to his record tying fifth World Championship, as Kimi would return the favour to Juan Pablo Montoya, while young “Louise Jaguar” Hamilton, seems to have learned similar lessons this season.

So, why am I blathering on about this? Well I found it most amazing that I actually felt “gutted” when I thought Massa had won the title in the most improbable circumstances, as I had decided that I’d really enjoy seeing not one, but two Blacks win their respective contests this year... And thus remarkably, while in all senses of logic, should have been euphoric over the perceived triumph of Massa, I burst out a few expletives at the telescreen instead! Thinking Lewis had thrown it all away once again...

And thus, I was even more spellbound when it was announced that it was the young Messer Hamilton who’d be named the 2008 F1 Driver’s Champion instead, having come out of nowhere in the appalling conditions to grab the title by the single point that he’d given away last year!

Congratulations Lewis!

Hamilton is World Champion

Brazil F1 Finale

(Photo source: Grandprix.com)

Well, it’s now almost over... As the 2008 Formula 1 season finale will take place tomorrow in san Paulo, Brazil. Will Felipe Massa or Lewis Hamilton be crowned World Champion? Will Fredrico Suave (Alonso) slam into his arch nemesis Hamilton? Will it rain? Will it be Rubino’s” last Formula One start? Will Jarno Trulli score Toyota’s very first F1 victory?

These are just some of the questions inquiring minds wanna know! So, tune in tomorrow...

Qualifying Results

Row 1
Pole: F. Massa; 2. J. Trulli

Row 2
3. K. Raikkonen; 4. L. Hamilton

Row 3
5. H. Kovalainen; 6. F. Alonso

Row 4
7. S. Vettel; 8. N. Heidfeld

Row 5
9. S. Bourdais; 10. T. Glock

Standard engines, say what?

Perhaps you’ve heard of the latest NONSENSE coming out of Sir Maxxum’s, Uh? Mouth... As Mad Max (Mosley) in conjunction with his puppet master Emperor Bernardo, have come up with the most LAUGHABLE notion of forcing the Formula One Constructor’s into running a standardized engine in their respective chassis beginning in the near future with bids being open for 2010-12.

Hmm? Isn’t this exactly opposite of what Indy Car and Honda are seeking “Across the Pond? As interestingly this is exactly what Steve Chassey expounded upon last night on Autosport Radio, saying how Indy has lost a sizeable amount of its luster as it’s simply a “Spec” series now. As part of the fun of showing up at Indy every year was you didn’t know what was going to show up? As in there were multiple chassis/engine combinations and they changed every season...

Hey Sir Maxxum, why don’t you give it a rest!

F1 Theatre

Perhaps you’ve heard the recent scuttlebutt over the return of Formula 1 to the Norte Americana’s in 2010 that’s currently been making the rounds, having heard this from the lips of “The House of Winsor,” (Peter Winsor) no less, which at the moment seems a bit precarious in light of Canada just loosing its place upon the F1 circuses big wheel! But Winsor was quick to catch Mister E. on the grid in Shanghai and press him on the issue of returning to North America...

Yet, the landing of a Grand Prix is a rather nefarious business... Often handled rather messily, involving exorbitant sums of dinero, crass outbursts, deft ears and ultimately catering to the every whim of Emperor Bernardo! (While his soon to be exiled whipping boy Sir Maxxum runs interference) with Emperor Bernardo saying; NO! There are NO new leads on us coming stateside. Yes, I’d like to be there if a sensible offer can be made... (Note to Tony George; you’re going to have to cough up a lot more dinero!)

Thus, let us ponder two iconic F1 markets;

Britain
BLOODY Britain has played host to Formula 1 since the inception of the current F1 series, with Silverstone being the very first Grand Prix event held on May 13, 1950.

Yet, during the week of this year’s British Grand Prix at Silverstone, the F1 Paddock was rocked by the bombshell announcement that rival track Donnington Park had been awarded a 10yr exclusive contract to host the British round of the Grand Prix calendar beginning in 2010, regardless of the fact that the circuit is currently in no shape to host an FIA sanctioned event and will require a massive makeover in order to meet the current safety regulations... Along with the venue’s emasculation of current de facto F1 designer Herman Tilke, but since this bombshell was dropped, interestingly, the Chief Operating Officer and two other high placed executives have resigned their posts, although Donnington PR “Spin Doctor’s” predictably claim that “Everything’s Fine! We’re on target,” blah-blah-blah...

But I simply must wonder if this is just another part of Ecclestone’s long standing feud with the BRDC and a huge rouge to finally rule supreme over his British track owner rivals...

USA
Meanwhile, even with the current MANIPULATION of energy resources, along with the impending credit crisis looming overhead... (Nah, its ok, DON’T worry ‘bout paying your bills, we’ll simply write you a blank check!) The USA still continues to be the Auto Manufacturer’s largest market and thus the respective entities currently gracing the F1 circus are keen to see a Grand Prix round return to the calendar.

Rumours claim that Chris Pook was spotted in Monza this past September, with hopes of spearheading a new purpose built racetrack in Palm Springs, CA. Yet, I tend to believe this is just one more cog in Emperor Bernardo’s massive negotiating game he’s playing with Tony George, as it seems quite silly to me that you’d be loathe to race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway! Yikes... Never thought I’d say that!

Canada
And I suppose Y’all are aware of the plight of the Canadian Grand Prix, which has been unceremoniously DUMPED from next year’s Grand Prix calendar...

Thus, for a very entertaining expose upon the plight of the Great White shumozzle, see; Canadian Revival?

As there seems to be some discontent between the F1 Team Bosses and their respective Auto manufacturing partners over the loss of access to their LARGEST market, as potentially there will be NO Grand Prix’s held in North America for the first time since 1958!

So, stay tuned to see what the 2010 Formula One calendar ultimately comprises? Or for that matter, what in the HELL the 2009 schedule will ultimately end up as?

French Grand Prix Cancelled

Prior to this past weekend’s Chinese GP, it was announced that the French Motorsport Association (FFSA) has decided to cancel next year’s French Grand Prix in the wake of the mounting economic crisis, as the FFSA is fearful of suffering financial losses if it hosts the Formula 1 circus next season and thus, has decided it better to take one year off and focus upon resuming the event in 2010 at one of four possible venues currently under consideration.

The rub? As Messer E. has just told the fine folks Up North, Eh? If you wish to resume your Grand Prix, you’ll now need to negotiate a new (HIGHER PRICED!) contract, albeit the fact that the French Grand Prix has been in existence since 1906!

Viva Italia

Yeah, I’m still playing Ketsup with my twenty-oh-eight Grand Prix recaps...

So, in this episode, we’re back at Monza, Italy once again... Which without doubt is one of the most famous of le Grand Premio Cirquito’s on the Formula 1 calendar... As the ambiance of the Tiafosi is simply unrivaled, and alas, what should this event’s “Press Dawg” beverage of the race be? How ‘bout a nice, cold, DEL DUCATO NUOVA MATTINA, or perhaps one of the countless fantastic varieties of vino, but none of that cheap Chianti table wine crap, Kapishe...

Friday Practice
SPEED’s on air coverage began with Bob Varsha noting that a Press Release had just been issued moments after the start of Friday Practice by the Scuderia, in what has become Ferrari tradition... Informing us that Kimi Raikkonen’s contract had been extended thru the end of the 2010 season, and thus contrary to popular belief, “Fredrico Suave,” a.k.a. Fernando Alonso would NOT be joining the Scuderia anytime soon. (Although rumours still persist that he’ll show up in Maranello in 2010?)

Then there was a camera shot of Herr Schumacher (Michael) in the pits, to which David Hobbs chortled; “Is that Ralf’s *Ralfanso) brother? To which much laughter was heard, while Varsha said; Yeah, the world famous R. Schumacher...

Professor (Steve) Matchett then digressed into revisiting the savage crash that The Iceman (Raikkonen) had endured one year ago during practice, as several replays were shown while Matchett said it sure looked like a steering failure, as in the steering had broken just prior to impact...

Having begun the session with a damp surface, the track was slowly drying out and The Hamburgular (Bourdais) was the first to throw down the gauntlet of top speed honours, with a registering of 206mph in the speed trap. Yet, compare this to the all time record set at Monza by none other than “Jungle Boy,” a.k.a. Antonio Pizzonia, in a Williams BMW V-10, hitting a maximum velocity of 231mph in 2004!

Yet, Varsha further marveled on about how Alan van der Mewe had managed to go 257.9mph in a slightly modified Honda F1 chassis at Bonneville... Well, actually Bob! The “Bonneville 400,” as the record attempt on the Salt Flats was known as, didn’t manage to officially break the 400kph barrier, but did indeed go 397.481kph. (246.983mph)

Matchett then digressed over the theory of drag vs. down force and how the engineers would love to do all sorts of slick “Aero” things to clean up the drag created by the open wheels, along with noting how the teams build special low down force front/rear wings for Monza only... What’s that about cost cutting?

And speaking about the track’s atmosphere... Peter Winsor chimed-in, by noting how Friday was Enzo’s (Ferrari) day... As speculation suggests that Enzo decided to stay away from the racing action after having egged on an early driver to go faster... Vamoosh-vamoosh...
“Più velocemente! Più velocemente! “
Having tried to inspire the young Piloto to go faster, the driver then proceeded to crash and perish on the following lap and hence Enzo decided he should stay away from the track during the racing action...

And as the track continued to dry, the other Sebastian (Vettel) outdid his teammate for trap speed honours, by moving the bar to 207mph; yet, this wouldn’t last long as Robert Kubica put the hammer down with a sizzling 213mph lap... Yet, “Nelson Nelson” *Piquet Jr.) Wasn’t to be outdone, by uncorking a 214.8mph blast before beaching himself, to which we herd the radio transmission from Renault boss Pat Symonds asking Piquet what he was doing? As Nelson sheepishly admitted he’d gone off track before the radio crackled again telling him to shut it off, Nelson...

Saturday Qualifying
In an interesting comment towards issues regarding keeping drivers face shields from potentially fogging in the wet conditions, it was stated that Arai was now running a heated visor, a la your cars rear “De-Frogger,” with mini electrical strips imbedded in the shields, which now also needed to be registered by being plugged into the corresponding chassis’s common ECU, of which there were some retorts made about this coming about due to Ferrari...

Rubens Barrichello fails to advance out of Q1 for the seventh consecutive race., while Giancarlo “Fishy-fella” Fisichella garners Force India’s very first Q2 session...

But, by far the most amazing aspect towards qualifying is the fact that both Kimi Raikkonen and Lewis Hamilton FAIL to advance out of the Q2 session, as “Louise” made a judgment error in trying to go out on intermediate’s when the track became damper, while Kimi simply was unable to move forward as we’d later find out he was allegedly on a “Dry” set-up. Thus Kimi would start from P14 with Lewis in P15, while Felipe Massa had barely slithered his way into Q3 by winding up tenth. But undoubtedly the surprise of qualifying was the fact that Sebastian Vettel scored his very first career pole ahead of McLaren’s Heikki Kovalainen and became the sports youngest ever pole sitter at the age of 21 years and 73 days old.

Teammate Bourdais was knocked out of P3 on the final lap by Big Brother Red Bull Racing’s Mark Webber, with Sea Bass winding up fourth, as the two Toro Rosso’s would out qualify the mighty Scuderia Ferrari on their home track!

Sunday Race
For only one of the few times ever, the race started off behind the safety car, as the weather conditions weren’t cooperating and the track was most definitely wet. This gave front man Vettel a great advantage when the cars were finally released, as the young German would be the only driver with a clear view ahead of him, while everybody behind battled with the spray of the rooster tails... As Kubica would later comment that he’d never even seen his teammate who he’d passed for position...

And it was simply amazing... Could Sebastian Vettel and Scuderia Toro Rosso actually win? As Vettel uncharacteristically continued to pull away from not only Heikki’s McLaren, but the entire field... And I continued to get more vociferous at the Telescreen, chanting for Sebastian to indeed win... Which was quite magnificent to watch the unthinkable happen! As Vettel indeed crossed the stripe ahead of a dejected Kovalainen and fairly happy Kubica, who was running a special helmet paint scheme commemorating his very first podium position he’d scored previously at Monza in 2006...

Qualifying Results
Pole: S. Vettel* (1st F1 Career Pole)
2. H. Kovalainen; 3. M. Webber; 4. S. Bourdais; 5. N. Rosberg; 6. F. Massa;
7. J. Trulli; 8. F. Alonso; 9. T. Glock; 10. N. Heidfeld

Race Results
Winner: S. Vettel* (1st F1 Career victory)
2. H. Kovalainen; 3. R. Kubica; 4. F. Alonso; 5. N. Heidfeld; 6. F. Massa;
7.; L. Hamilton; 8. M. Webber

Point Standings
(Round 14 of 18)

Driver’s
L. Hamilton 78
F. Massa 77
R. Kubica 64
K. Raikkonen 57
N. Heidfeld 53

Constructors
Ferrari 134
McLaren 129
BMW Sauber 117
Renault 43
Toyota 41

Hamburgular gets robbed!

(Photo source: Grandprix.com)
Otay, so I managed to finish watching my Japanese GP recording and it’s now safe once again to enter cyberspace... As the Mt Fuji event was a very crazy race, eh?

With the two championship rivals managing to bungle their respective race outing, as Felipe Massa and Lewis Hamilton tangled with one another on the opening lap, along with Lewis giving Kimi Raikkonen the chrome horn treatment...

Yet, later on towards the end of the race, Massa tried a kamikaze move upon the Hamburgular, a.k.a. Sebastian Bourdais, who was exiting the pits and basically rand off the road trying to avoid contact with Massa... Yet, it was Sea Bass who was handed a mysterious 25 second time penalty after the races finish, dropping the Frenchman out of the points, from sixth place to tenth, thus, gifting Felipe another Championship point as the Brazilian inherited seventh place, with Sebastian Vettel moving up to sixth and Mark Webber taking the final point for eighth place...

Bourdais NOT impressed by Massa’s driving

F1 websites

During this weekend’s coverage of the Japanese Grand Prix, it was announced during the SPEED TV broadcasts that there’s currently two internets sites available for disgruntled Formula 1 fans... As the first site noted was for ING’s F1 Fan Survey, while the second was in deference of the Canadian GP being pulled from the 2009 F1 calendar, so you may wish to check out the following sites...

F1 Fan Survey

Save the Canadian GP

The Arden Forrest

(Photo source: Grandprix.com)

Continuing on with my theme of slowly recapping the 2008 F1 season, along with borrowing “Press Dawg’s” Beer of the Race tradition, I’d have gone for a most delectable Forbidden Fruit or Duval beverage...

But back to the racing action, as we’re now focusing upon the recently completed Belgian Grand Prix, moving on from the glitter of Valencia to the sublime of Spa Francorchamps... Which definitely has to rank as one of Formula One’s All time greatest tracks, residing in the Arden Forest... Thus it bothers me greatly to hear the rumblings of possible neutering of this momentous circuit... Please DON’T let Herman Tilke get his sweaty palms on another request for a hack job, in hopes of emasculating a legendary venue! As Emperor Bernardo seems quite intent on setting the wrecking ball to all of the Old Guard tracks, i.e.; Silverstone, Hockenheim, San Marino and Spa...

Friday Practice
Once again, this seems to be the most informative program of the week in SPEED’s coverage of the Formula 1 circus, as the opening segment featured Bob Varsha stating that RAIN was coming in 30mins. – Of the 90 minute broadcast, before segwaying into a recap of the various drivers slithering about the confines of the race track in the day’s first practice session.

Prior to Friday’s practice, Nick Heidfeld was pestered about not being so “Quick,” hammering him about his poor performances of late, to which the German replied; “You DON’T have to tell me... I already know ALL about it!”
.
Yet, Quick Nick isn’t the only driver feeling the heat of being an F1 Superstar, as The Iceman, a.k.a. Kimi Raikkonen was nabbed for speeding in the pit lane not once but twice, during the first practice session, incurring total fines of $4,900 Euros ($7,000k US Funds)

And as many of the “Heavy Hitters’ were reluctant to go out onto the track, as it was still damp, as I think only the Toro Rosso was willing to reconnoiter the circuit, this led Peter Winsor to launch David Hobbs into a great segway about driving at Spa; Asking Hobbo what it was like driving in the wet at Spa? As Hobbs had contested the 1968 1000k Sports Car event in the wet behind the wheel of a John Wyer Gulf Oil Ford GT40, while Hobbs waxed on about how it was totally different back then... As there weren’t any Armco (guard rails) run off areas and the trees lined the circuit, edging right up to the track... With Bob Varsha noting how the circuit was then a monstrous nine kilometers and it must have been miserable in the rain? As Hobbs noted how the event had taken over 7hrs...

And Winsor further mused; that’s when you drove with Paul Hawkins? Who was a rather shy, quiet, non-partying type of guy? (As Hawkins was a fellow Aussie)

To which Hobbs chortled back; Yeah, right! The first race I did with him was the ’68 Daytona 24hrs and he stumbled out of his hotel room and said: Uhm? How do I say this? “Swear word; My Swear word (Bleepity-bleep!) Hair!” As he was blutoed from having been up the entire night partying...

But Paul was an excellent driver... He once went into the Monaco harbour, but swam out... Yet, unfortunately he was killed at Oulton Park, behind the wheel of a Lola T70, when he hit a tree and was trapped in the fire...

Continuing with the somewhat morbid theme, SPEED played a very nice montage in remembrance of the just departed Phil Hill, with footage of him racing at Spa in 1961, enroute to victory after having battled all race long with teammate and title antagonist Count Wolfgang Von Tripps. Showed hill passing the yellow Ferrari of Olivier Gendebien, who’d just won the 24 Heurs du Mans co-driving with Hill the week prior... As Hill and Gendebien would share in the spoils of three Le Mans victories for Scuderia Ferrari, with Gendebien scoring a fourth victory at the Circuit de la Sarthe with Paul Frere, who is having one of the track’s corners renamed after him.

And although according to Varsha, there was constant politicking at Ferrari, with Hill never being quite sure if he was supposed to take the victory over Von Trips, but nevertheless, Ferrari squashed the competition that day with an unremarkable 1-2-3-4 finish; Hill, Von Trips, Richie Ginther and Gendebien, a feat that hasn’t been accomplished since in Formula 1.

And Varsha further mused that it’s quite hard to find, but if you ever get the chance, check out Phil Hill’s recording from the Sebring 12hrs race, way back when... As suddenly the Belgian landscape was shrouded in precipitation, with driver’s radio’s crackling; “Box-Box-Box!” (Pits) As everybody came in and the session was red flagged?

Saturday Qualifying
As somewhat typical, my note taking seems to slack off the further into a race weekend, as I find that typically the most information is gleamed upon Friday’s coverage and thus, I have very little in the way of notes here...

Although I did jot down that the Hamburgular, a.k.a. Sebastian Bourdais; You know, the other “Sebastian” at Scuderia Toro Rosso shocked the F1 circus by beating everyone in the Q1 “Qualie” session, as the radio crackled to life; Sebastian you’re P1.” As Sea Bass could be heard celebrating, after having picked up an amazing 2.5 seconds over his morning times and would go onto once again make the final Q3 session before ending up ninth.

Surprisingly, both Toyota’s failed to make Q3, while Nick Heidfeld and “KOVY,” a.k.a. Heikki Kovalainen topped the speed trap with an impressive velocity of 192mph...

Yet, it was Lewis Hamilton crushing the field once again, claiming the pole by 3/10th of a second over Felipe Massa, followed by Kovalainen and Raikkonen, as Massa has now out qualified his World Champion teammate 9-4 in the season’s 13 rounds.

Sunday Race
By now everybody knows about the outcome of this most exciting event... With Raikkonen having eased over Massa into Eau Rouge, which once was one of the most feared corners in all of F1, before The Iceman pulled off a brilliant pass upon Hamilton, who’d momentarily spun whilst leading the races early laps. And then there was that most atrocious finish when the skies opened up and Hamilton and Raikkonen played tiddlywinks with each other, before ultimately Kimi crashed into the barriers and Lewis went onto an apparent victory... With Massa gingerly trailing home in second place, while Heidfeld gambled and put on full wets and vaulted himself into third after having been ninth, before the FIA Stewards docked the young Louise a 25 second time penalty... Yet, all of this seems a bit ironic, as it was the 40th Anniversary of team founder Bruce McLaren scoring the team’s maiden Grand Prix victory...


Qualifying Results
Pole: L. Hamilton; 2. F. Massa; 3. H. Kovalainen; 4. K. Raikkonen;
5. N. Heidfeld; 6. F. Alonso; 7. M. Webber; 8. R. Kubica; 9. S. Bourdais;
10. S. Vettel

Race Results*
Winner: F. Massa; 2. N. Heidfeld; 3.; L. Hamilton; 4. F. Alonso; 5. S. Vettel; 6. R. Kubica; 7. S. Bourdais; 8. M. Webber
(* = Pending outcome of FIA Ruling, regardin McLaren’s Appeal)

Point Standings
(Round 13 of 18)

Driver’s
L. Hamilton 76
F. Massa 74
K. Raikkonen 57
R. Kubica 58
N. Heidfeld 49

Constructors

Ferrari 131
McLaren 119
BMW Sauber 107
Toyota 41
Renault 38

German GP Notes

So it was a bit strange to be finally wrapping up my delayed Telescreen viewing of this year’s German Grand Prix a fortnight after the actual event... Yet here’s a somewhat quick(?) wrap-up of my notes from the most excellent July 20th SPEED TV broadcast.

And stealing a page from Press Dawg, who likes to celebrate his race notes by picking his beer of the event, I’d definitely have to say that the German Grand Prix would cause me to pick Bitburger... Although if you cannot find a freshly imported BitBurger, then I’d suggest a Warsteiner, Ja Volt!

Friday Practice
Professor (Steve) Matchett rightly BLASTED the Emasculation the track had received in its 2002 makeover, saying the track just didn’t have the same dynamics as when the cars went out into the forest and blasted along those long straights... To which Peter Winsor concurred, saying that the track was now a very BLAND Herman Tilke design... As it was also noted how the weather had been threatening, as I believe it rained the two days prior to Friday and it was noted how it was humid with dark clouds surrounding the track.

And speaking of your mass marketing promotional strategies... Amazingly all five German F1 piloto’s managed to spend time atop the time sheets on Friday.

Sebastian Vettel was confirmed as David Coulthard’s replacement at Red Bull for 2009, with teammate Mark Webber on a one year extension, as Bob Varsha would spend the rest of the weekend marveling over the fact that 20yr old Vettel was the only Formel Ein driver without a Manager! Meanwhile Vettel’s current teammate at Scuderia Toro Rosso, The Hamburgular, a.k.a. Sea Bass (S. Bourdais) is racing on a one year contract and has been struggling mightily with the latest Adrian Newey incarnation of the Toro Rosso chassis, the STR-03 and hence Varsha twisted the knife slightly by inquiring whether there may be two open seats at Toro Rosso for next year?

Winsor then commented how he felt a bit sad for Bourdais, as he thought he was doing an excellent job and his driving style looked impeccable... He was a bit surprised that Deeter Majestic had picked Vettel as DC’s replacement over Sea Bass, as the young German is very forceful with his driving style, almost a bit ragged... (Hmm? Sounds a bit like somme-juan named Fredrico Suave, eh?) And then Winsor went off on a tangent about how “The American” driver, although Bourdais is French seems to always have such immense expectations placed upon them, saying how Michael Andretti had actually done a very good job if you overlooked the fact that his teammate was somebody named Senna and that they had lousy engines that year... (1993) To which David Hobbs disagreed, saying that the teams biggest problem with Mikey was his insistence to fly home between each round, yet, both Hobbs and Matchett noted that Bourdais was obviously a very gifted driver ‘cause championships don’t just fall off of trees...

“Hobbo” continued on about how he’d spent some time with Bourdais at the recent Goodwood Festival of Speed and he’s a really nice guy! And after Winsor’s long winded point about Lewis Hamilton’s visor fogging problem at Silverstone... To which Arai has now devised a twin visor shield for such weather conditions, Hobbs said he knows a bit about that as his glasses were fogging up in about one minute of sitting in the car and asked Sea Bass how he deals with that? As Bourdais replied he doesn’t have any problems, you just need to crack your visor open a bit.

Then Varsha prompted Hobbo to comment upon his experience at Goodwood, saying it was amazing how everything came back immediately and it wasn’t like he’d been out of the cockpit for thirty years... From the part where the mechanic sticks his head in and says Blah-Blah-Blah... Which of course brought immediate laughter from Matchett, who then muttered I don’t know why we bother!

Hobbo’s prattled on ‘bout how even the gearshift didn’t feel notchity at all even though he’d been warned... To which the ever sharp, krack pit lane reporter, The House of Winsor interjected; David when you were in the cockpit did you have any dreamlike visions of when Sam Posey was AHEAD of you... Which over the guffaws, Hobbs muttered; You mean when I was coming up to lap Posey?

Then with less than two minutes to go Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton threw down a Banzai “Flyer” lap on the Bridgestone “Soft” tires, being 0.7 seconds quicker then Felipe Massa who’d been atop the time sheets, who was in the pits during Lewis’s lap, yet Kimi Raikkonen who was also on the soft tires was 0.3 seconds slower then Jaguar...

Saturday Qualifying
“Nelson Nelson,” a.k.a. Nelson Piquet (DON’T call me) Junior. had an interesting Q1 “Qualy” session, where he’d started off late in P20, then did a “flyer” and hoisted himself into 11th before ultimately ending up 17th quickest and relegated out of qualifying... As the host broadcast replayed Nelson’s radio transmission urging the team to protest Vettel for blocking his final run... While Sebastian Vettel claimed the fifth quickest lap time of the session behind Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton, “KOVY” (Heikki Kovalainen) Felipe Massa and Kimi Raikkonen respectively.

During Q2, all of the remaining competitors were content to sit stationary in the pit lane for the first four minutes and 50+ seconds of the 15 minute session... Before the two Ferraris made their appearance, with fast laps were traded back ‘N forth, Hamilton would wind-up quickest with a 1:14.6 to Massa’s 1:14.7 with Kovy in third, followed by an impressive run by Fredrico Suave, a.k.a. Fernando Alonso, who was ahead of The Iceman, (K. Raikkonen) with the only German driver advancing to Q3 Final Qualifying being Vettel...

To which they played a very entertaining radio transmission from Toro Rosso, where the young German asked; Where are we, where are we? To which his engineer replied; P9, to which Vettel yelled WOO-HOO! Over his radio, to which was met with the somber tone of don’t get excited yet... You still have to push! To which Hobbo immediately broke into his mock German accent about you need to push mein race-driver, Ja-Ja!

Final qualifying saw a rather odd ending as Kimi appeared to lift off upon crossing the chequered flag with five seconds to go having nabbed P2. To which would see the Finn slide down to sixth after the music had ended! As Hamilton claimed pole just ahead of Massa, with Kovalainen taking third, saying in the post race interview session how he’d done a little Rally-coursing! As Heikki had done considerable agricultural work with his McLaren enroute to P3... While out of nowhere, Jarno Trulli jumped to fourth and Ferdi the Putz (Alonso) slotted the nervous Renault into fifth place, while Vettel was the highest placed German in P9, sandwiched by his big brother Red Bull drivers...

NOTE:
Although I did indeed manage to capture the FOX TV Race broadcast on my ‘Ol Memorex tapin’ machine... I stumbled upon the SPEED TV rebroadcast (about 1/3rd of the way thru the Acura Pre-Race segment) the following morning after our return from Der Fatherland, , of which you can read about my “live” track report in; Hockenheimring.

And being in a semi-state ‘O Jet Rag, while Wishin’ to do nothin’ utter ‘den sit stationary upon the couch, I simply watched the race in order to fill-in the massive blanks from the racetrack and hence didn’t take any notes... Especially since this was originally a DELAYED, HACKED-UP FOX TV Show...

Race Report

Qualifying Results
Pole: L. Hamilton; 2. F. Massa; 3. H. Kovalainen; 4. J. Trulli; 5. F. Alonso;
6. K. Raikkonen; 7. R. Kubica; 8. M. Webber; 9. S. Vettel; 10. D. Coulthard

Race Results
Winner: L. Hamilton; 2. N. Piquet Jr; 3. F. Massa; 4. N. Heidfeld;
5. H. Kovalainen; 6. K. Raikkonen; 7. R. Kubica; 8. S. Vettel

2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 10 of 18)

Driver’s
L. Hamilton 58
F. Massa 54
K. Raikkonen 51
R. Kubica 48
N. Heidfeld 41

Constructors

Ferrari 105
BMW Sauber 89
McLaren 86
Renault 25
Toyota 25
Red Bull 24

Bloody Silverstone

Otay, so it was awhile ago... And having just returned from a most bemusing time in BLOODY Heathrow, I apparently wasn’t in the mood to take notes on the Jolly ‘Ol Silverstone event, where the young “Louise Jaguar” Hamilton put on the ultimate driving clinique! Enamoring himself and McLaren to the reputed sell-out... I’m guessing that many of the fans and several of the drivers would have preferred the dry confines of the BMW Sauber Pit lane Park exhibit on display in Manchester, eh?

Race Report

Qualifying Results
Pole: H. Kovalainen (1st F1 Career Pole)
2. M. Webber; 3. K. Raikkonen; 4. L. Hamilton; 5. N. Heidfeld;
6. F. Alonso; 7. N. Piquet Jr; 8. S. Vettel; 9. F. Massa; 10. R. Kubica

Race Results
Winner: L. Hamilton; 2. N. Heidfeld; 3. R. Barrichello;
4. K. Raikkonen; 5. H. Kovalainen; 6. F. Alonso; 7. J. Trulli;
8. K. Nakajima

2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 9 of 18)

Driver’s
L. Hamilton 48
F. Massa 48
K. Raikkonen 48
R. Kubica 46
N. Heidfeld 36

Constructors
Ferrari 96
BMW Sauber 82
McLaren 72
Toyota 25
Red Bull 24

FIA Ruling

So, as we all wait with baited breath over the outcome of “Spa-gate,” it seems worth noting that the Court of Appeals is notorious for NOT overturning decisions...

Just think about Eddie “IRV THE SWERVE” Irvine receiving a three race ban after the Jordan Grand Prix team appealed the one race ban for the wicked looking crash involving the acrobatic rookie F1 debutant Jos “THE BOSS” Verstappen at Brazil in 1994. Or how about Michael Schumacher loosing the ’94 Belgian Grand Prix in regards to his underbody plank being worn too thin... And that’s before we even get to the now long forgotten Ferrari barge board controversy... Or last year’s “Stepney-Gate,” the Renault NO call decision and the tawdry late night Der Fraulein episodes of Sir Maxxum... And who knows what else in-between, eh? So, DON’T be overly surprised if the decision to appeal Lewis Hamilton’s 25 second time penalty is upheld...

UPDATE
The WMSC has just ruled upon the recent “Spa-gate” incident at this year’s Belgian GP.

No big surprises in Paris
The FIA Court of Appeal has rejected the McLaren appeal from the Grand Prix of Belgium on the grounds that Article 152 of the International Sporting Code states that drive-through penalties are "not susceptible to appeal". The decision was made by Philippe Narmino (Monaco), Xavier Conesa (Spain), Harry Duijm (Netherlands), Thierry Juillard (Switzerland) and Erich Sedelmeyer (Austria).
"We are naturally disappointed with today's verdict, and to have received no ruling on the substance of our appeal," said Martin Whitmarsh. "No-one wants to win Grands Prix in court; but we felt that Lewis had won the Belgian Grand Prix, on track, in an exciting and impressive manner. Our legal team and witnesses calmly explained this, as well as our belief that the appeal should be admissible, to the FIA International Court of Appeal. It nonetheless decided that our appeal was inadmissible. We will now concentrate on the remaining four races of the 2008 Formula 1 season."

(Source: Grandprix.com)

Hamilton stripped of Spa victory

Lewis Hamilton, who was apparently “Singing’ in the Rain...” After taking a dramatic late race victory over the Original Iceman, a.k.a. Kimi Raikkonen, has subsequently been handed a 25 second time penalty for overtaking Raikkonen in the chicane, thus gifting the win to second place Felipe Massa, moving surprise third place Nick Heidfeld into second and dropping Hamilton to third!

Toyota’s Timo Glock was also docked 25 seconds for passing under a local yellow flag and drops from the final points scoring position of eighth to ninth, with Mark Webber being given the single point for eighth place.

Yet, McLaren has appealed the FIA Steward’s ruling and thus we’ll wait with baited breath to see if MAD MAX (Mosley) instructs his minions to cut his good friend the Ronster, a.k.a. Ron Dennis a break? As the revised results would see an eight point swing in both the Driver’s and Constructor’s titles...

Shoreline drive

(Sebastian Bourdais Photo: Grandprix.com)

Well, we’re back at it once again, with the Formula 1 circus returning from its three week hiatus... Of which I think the teams personnel deserved their short lived Holiday.

And I think that the new Valencia street circuit is very cool! Albeit it seems to have an overabundance of corners, as in a total of 25, yet it seems to be the first F1 race course that incorporates a working swing bridge...

But first a few quick thoughts about the previous race in Budapest, as once again, Friday’s practice times and Saturday’s qualifying results didn’t show the final outcome, as Ferrari’s Felipe Massa made a brilliant start from P3, vaulting into the lead and looking set to storm away to his fourth victory of the season. If only his Ferrari lump hadn’t gone “KABLAMOE!” With three laps remaining, eh? But, I digress...

And thus, back to this weekend’s event as I found Friday’s second practice session to be fairly nondescript, if such a thing can be said about these magnificent pieces of Engineering! As it was fun to see the camera’s high shot from above showing the cars screaming across the swing bridge. And with Valencia hoping to be considered a modern Monaco-esce circuit, minus the swimming pool complex(?) I had to wonder if they have scuba divers on station alongside the bridge. As recall in the brilliant movie Grand Prix, leading man James Gardner plunges into the harbour, of which has happened twice at Monte Carlo; First in 1955 with double World Champion Alberto Ascari aboard a Lancia and ten years later with Paul Hawkins at the wheel of his Privateer Lotus. As ironically, although both drivers emerged unhurt after swimming to safety, they’d lose their lives in other racing incidents.

Yet the SPEED TV crew spent a considerable amount of time discussing how drivers get acclimatized to brand new racing circuits and how long this takes? With David Hobbs offering it’s usually just a handful of laps and certainly they’d be up to speed within a half hours running... While Professor Matchett prattled on about how all of the teams receive three dimensional virtual circuit maps from the FOM/FIA, to witch the engineers can simulate an expected lap, yet Bob Varsha noted how Kimi Raikkonen, Lewis Hamilton and David Coulthard said they got nothing out of their team’s simulators since they were only utilizing 2D. But Varsha noted how Nick Wirth, former team principal of the failed Simtek Formula 1 team has been developing a 3D race chassis simulator, which utilizes hydraulic rams, a la aeroplane cockpit simulators and several teams have tested it, including McLaren’s golden boy Hamilton.

And speaking of the young Louise, Peter Winsor noted how ridiculous it was that the young Brit was fined $5,000 Euros for being two minutes late to Thursday’s press conference, especially since it had four drivers and they hadn’t even gotten to “Jaguar” before he arrived! (But I suppose rules a rule a rule, eh?)

Even more surprising was that Scuderia Toro Rosso’s Sebastian Vettel was the fastest runner in the very first ever practice session on the debutant street circuit, besting the Scuderia’s Massa by one tenth of a second, with Hamilton winding up third. Meanwhile, in the days final practice session, The Iceman ruined Homeboy Fredrico Suave’s party... With Raikkonen besting Alonso by two 1/100th’s of a second for the day’s top honours, while Jense surprised everyone by claiming P3 for Honda ahead of Massa, with Hamilton and Heikki Kovalainen next, while Toyota’s Timo Glock was the seventh and final driver with a lap time in the 1:39 bracket.

And adding insult to injury was the fact that Alonso was slapped a $10,000 Euros fine and reprimand for brazenly crossing the yellow line denoting the pit entrance, which was shown in multiple replays when it was announced that car number five was under investigation... Yet, reportedly it was Alonso who talked the FIA into having a minute of silence at the track to honour the stricken passenger’s of the recent airliner crash in Madrid...

Qualifying
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the wayward spectator moseying across the track during practice yesterday... Who was promptly escorted off the grounds by the Polica.

And SPEED’s opening monologue was fairly interesting as Bob Varsha read from the teleprompter, how crucial pole position has been since the inception of knock out qualifying in 2006; as in the debut season the pole sitter won the accompanying race 56% of the time. In 2007 the amount increased to 65%, but in the topsy, turvy season of twenty-oh-eight... The pole sitter has gone onto win only 36% of the time... So, will the stereotypical notion of street circuits being nothing less then a parade once again occur, making P1 very important or will something else happen?

Interestingly, the majority of the Q1 “Heavy Hitters” opted to run on the “Prime” (harder) tire instead of using up their allotment of soft option tires... With the end of “Qualy One seeing the grids most experienced drivers not making the cut, as both Honda’s, and Force India’s plus Red Bull’s elder statesman failed to advance, with Varsha saying; “Welcome to the new world order!” As Barrichello; (261) Coulthard; (240) Fisichella; (206) Button (147) and Sutil (29) have an average of 176 starts between them...

Mark Webber seemed pretty blunt when Peter Winsor asked him why the Scuderia Toro Rosso’s were ahead of the Renault powered squads. “Yeah, we’re getting our ASSES KICKED! But we know where 60-70% of the problems from... They’ve got more power then us! We’re good under braking, but it just seems to be taking a little longer to get out of the corners...” Hum? The customer Ferrari powered Toro Rosso’s are quicker then the “Reggie” powered Red Bulls? What’s that slogan, eh? Somme-then ‘bout having’ wings... Perhaps they need to top off with a few quarts of Deeter Majestic’s high octane energy drink? (Oh yeah, that’s right, Mikey Waltrip already tried that trick, eh?)

And speaking of Maranello derived lumps, the four fastest cars in a straight line were reported to be the two factory Scuderia chassis followed by the Toro Rosso’s, with both Massa and Raikkonen hitting a top velocity of 315kph. (196mph and NOT the 185 Varsha kept calling out during the broadcast... Since I’d expect him to know that the once “magic” 300kph barrier = 186mph) as David Hobbs so rightly pointed out how bleepin’ fast the new street circuit was, with an average lap speed of 123mph!

And even more impressive was Toro Rosso’s Vettel laying down the fastest lap in Q2, while The Hamburgular, a.k.a. Sebastian Bourdais made his way into Q3 final qualifying for the very first time, while local hero Fernando could only muster P12, as the Spaniard had admitted to getting lost on the track, confusing turns 10-12 with 12-17, as Hamilton had noted they’re all blind corners.

It was also noted how Michael Schumacher was on hand in the pits, with Matchett denoting how his sleeves were rolled-up and “I think he’s working boys.” Most likely helping Massa, who it’s claimed he has a strong repor with...

Race
Ah, time for one of the best parts of the show... The House of Winsor’s now traditional grid walk, of which he first interviewed Jarno Truli about the days heat, with Nico Rosberg being too busy listening to Three Doors Down to be bothered... But the most humourous interview was with Nick Heidfeld, who said they get paid to drive in the heat, so it’s not a problem and everybody knows that “Jarno works like an Animal!”

And then it was time to turn up the volume, as the lights went green, with the start being fairly straightforward, as pole winner Massa burst off once again like an arrow, with the rest of the grid in close pursuit, albeit there wasn’t the big collision Hobbs had been blathering on about at the Turn 2-3 complex... Although Raikkonen fell behind, losing a position to his fellow Finn, while once again Massa was steadily pulling away from Hamilton.

But the races biggest moments came in the pits, as first there was the potential collision between race leader Massa and Sutil’s Force India, as the Scuderia are currently the only team using a new pit lane light system vs. the traditional brakes-on lollipop, which has a sensor in the refueling nozzle that automatically tells the driver to go once its uncoupled, supposedly worth 0.3 second over the traditional method, while the two cars almost collided... As Massa would later describe that the concrete wall was coming up fast and he thought he’d back off to be safe, although this drew a Stewards investigation query.

Yet, mayhem would once again break out in the Ferrari pits, when apparently Raikkonen made a mistake, trying to leave before the refueling was done, although Matchett noted how Kimi was pointing at the light system... Before clipping three crew members, ultimately giving the refueler a broken foot. But the damage wasn’t over as suddenly the camera’s show Kimi’s car smoking before going KABLAMOE! And that was the end of another very poor outing for The Iceman, while it was repeatedly remarked how he currently earns a million per week!

But, it was Massa’s turn to shine, as unbeknownst to me it was the Brazilian’s 100th start, of which have all been Ferrari powered... As Felipe won the pole, led wire to wire and also recorded the race’s fastest lap! Not too shabby, eh? As for that inquiry, of which Ferrari was deemed releasing Massa in an unsafe condition, the team was fined $10,000 Euros and no further punishments were issued...

Qualifying Results
Pole: F. Massa; 2. L. Hamilton; 3. R. Kubica; 4. K. Raikkonen;
5. H. Kovalainen; 6. S. Vettel; 7. J. Trulli; 8. N. Heidfeld; 9. n. Rosberg;
10. S. Bourdais

Race Results
Winner: F. Massa; 2.; L. Hamilton; 3. R. Kubica; 4. H. Kovalainen;
5. J. Trulli; 6. S. Vettel; 7. T. Glock; 8. N. Rosberg

2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 12 of 18)

Driver’s
L. Hamilton 70
F. Massa 64
K. Raikkonen 57
R. Kubica 55
H. Kovalainen 43

Constructors

Ferrari 121
McLaren 113
BMW Sauber 96
Toyota 41
Renault 33

Button’s up

Sounding like a broken record; it’s hard to believe that it was two year’s ago when Jenson Button scored his maiden Formula 1 victory at the Hungarian Grand Prix.

. And I’m certain that “Jense” would prefer to be basking in the afterglow of that historic weekend instead of puttering about the back end of this year’s Formula 1 grid at the “Hunga-boring,” which is notorious for being extremely hard to pass on, although I suppose this past weekend’s race was anything but boring, eh? (Jense did manage to finish 12th, albeit getting slowed down by Nick Heidfeld)

Hungarian GP Race Report

Yet, as for Jense, well, at least he doesn’t have to worry about Taku-san anymore, as his ex-teammate Takuma Sato had the audacity of passing Jense for position going uphill in the “B” Team “Super Best Friends” (Super Aguri) at Spa Francorchamps (Sept, ’06) And then being punted offline by the slithering BMW Sauber of Nick Heidfeld in the Mount Fuji rain fest. (Oct, ’07) As what NO “Suzuker Specials” last year, as in years past, Honda built special race engines for its Home Grand Prix... (Somme-thun to do with F1 engine rules freezes?) I mean being out performed by the Spykers, Err, Force India chassis… “Crikey’s Mate!” (Well ok, actually Honda and Force India have been fighting for Caboose on the field) But I digress.

As previously written, (Indy Day Trippin’) I’d just returned from my second jaunt to Indianapolis. As Clyde had driven us “Coast to Coast” in 2.5 days! And then upon returning from the 2006 USGP, I’d been forced to listen to the exploits of “Auntie Harriet’s” flight home…

Talk ‘bout pouring SALT in the wounds! It just keeps getting better ‘N better, eh? First Aunty Harriet (87yr’s “young” and attending her very first Grand Prix!) Has some young German whippersnapper sit next to her from Indianapolis to Chicago… As Harriet says; you’ve got kind of a funny accent. (“Kid!”) What are you doing in America? Oh, I’m Nico Rosberg… I was driving a Williams-Cosworth at the USGP!

(Rosberg had celebrated his 21st birthday during the Canada-Indianapolis week break; (June 25, 2006) “In America you make a big deal out of celebrating your 21st Birthday. In Germany it’s just another day,” replied Rosberg to Speed’s Bob varsha.

Then about one week later, (summer, 2006) I met Charlie, Emily, Tricia and Robert Nearn, for lunch in Pioneer Square. (Downtown Seattle) Yes, that’s the same Robert Nearn who just competed in this year’s Rolex 24 piloting the #06 Pontiac for Banner engineering.

So, did I tell you about my bar; Mews of Mayfair, Robert asked? NO! Yeah, me and a few blokes bought a four story building right smack-dab in downtown Central London. We just had our grand opening ‘bout 5weeks ago after renovating it for about 8 months.

James, my partner and bartender was dating (No longer) Sue Button… You know, Jenson Button’s sister. So after WINNING his very first grand prix, Button rang up and said we’re taking over the entire building for 24hrs. We’re going to party, party hard into the next day mate…

Robert had to partake Jense and 100 plus of his entourage from Button’s home town. You know how physically fit Formula 1 drivers are…. But they’re NOT much of partiers. As Button had said they’d go all night, but after a few beers Jense crawled off into a corner and fell fast asleep! Of course Robert had to “chat him up” and congratulate him on his victory. They talked a bit about his ’69 Dodge Charger he’s renovating.

Next Robert asked me. Have you ever heard of the GP Masters? Of course well I had to go watch them at Silverstone; They’re great fun to watch. Have you ever heard of DeCesaris? And I quickly replied. Don’t you mean “DUH-CRASHERIS!” Well he WON the race; I think it’s the very first event he’s ever won. (Apparently this victory was so stupendous that the GP Masters series went out of business, eh?)

After watching the Grand Prix Masters Robert flew over here to join his family for a brief holiday prior to racing at Sears Point Raceway (Sonoma, CA) for Synergy Racing with his co-pilot Charles Johnson. Robert says that Charles is a great guy, who’s also quite large. You see he’s an ex-NFL tight end who played for the Dallas cowboys.

In case you haven’t guessed by now. It’s “BLOODY HELL!” The life of a true “Jet-Setter,” eh? As Robert has been trying to get himself into a full time “gig” in a Pontiac GPXR, commenting “These Blokes make really good money!”

Having the pleasure of dining with Robert’s “Crew” during the winter holidays, this past December, over dinner I was asked, “Do you like that English driver?” Oh you mean Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton… Yes, he’s a real hot schue. And what about that other bloke who’s Robert’s mate? Oh, you mean Jenson Button.

“Poor Jense,” who’s been completely overshadowed by the past shenanigans of Ferdi ‘N Louise at Team McLaren, along with Hamilton’s sensational rookie season and who’s now leading the World Championship... Which has caused the shine seemingly to leave Button on the outside looking in as yesterday’s news.

You know how those BLOODY Brit’s are… Always looking for the next Formula 1 hero, with Britain now being totally enamored with their newest phenom, the young Messer Hamilton, who gave reigning two time World Champion Fred Alonso massive fits during his Rookie season… Causing Fredrico Suave to make a hasty exit us to Renault, yet you have to feel a little downtrodden for good ‘ole Jense and the factory Honda F1 outfit. As both Honda pilots were unable to progress out of Q1 qualifying for the very first time last season. (2007) when Button was bumped by Vitantonio Luzzi and the floundering Toro Rosso chassis, (Remember when Luzzi & Scott “NOSE” Speed drove for them?) yet even worse was hearing the radio transmission from Jense’s teammate Rubens Barrichello crackle to life; Complaining of being unable to pass the lowly Spyker ahead of him! Telling the team he was giving her all the power she’s got! Roger that, we hear yuh Scotty!

Yet perhaps new Team Principal Ross Brawn will be able to revive Honda’s fortunes and help Jense ring in the New Year with hopes of moving up the grid in 2008? Err, perhaps we’d better make that 2009, as I’ve heard that Honda has scuttled any further development of the beleaguered RA108 in favour of next year’s RA109 challenger…

Good Luck Jense!

2008 Hungarian Grand Prix

Qualifying Results
Pole: L. Hamilton; 2. H. Kovalainen; 3. F. Massa; 4. R. Kubica; 5. T. Glock;
6. K. Raikkonen; 7. F. Alonso; 8. M. Webber; 9. J. Trulli; 10. N. Piquet

Race Results
Winner: H. Kovalainen* (1st F1 Career victory
2. T. Glock; 3. K. Raikkonen; 4. F. Alonso; 5. L. Hamilton; 6. N. Piquet;
7. J. Trulli; 8. R. Kubica

Point Standings
(Round 11 of 18)

Driver’s
L. Hamilton 62
K. Raikkonen 57
F. Massa 54
R. Kubica 49
N. Heidfeld 41

Constructors

Ferrari 111
McLaren 100
BMW Sauber 90
Toyota 35
Renault 33

Mitty’s Magny

So just why is the Circuit de Magny cours so overly UN-LUVED? As this tranquil countryside circuit is just three hours south of Paris in the “Nevers-sais-Nevers” (Nevers) region, having been upgraded with a sizeable donation of Francs in the early 1980’s when France’s President François Mitterrand successfully co-erced Bernie Ecclestone in moving the French GP to his home region, in the tranquil Loire Valley… Could it possibly be the influx of Bovines or its propensity for Hay fever? As SPEED’s Peter Winsor was quick to point out how the Circuit plays havoc with allergies… Yet, I was told long ago by some smarmy Brits, that it’s truly a great racing venue, so go figure? (Although Bob Varsha was quick to point out how the track was overflowing with spectators and its now been reported that it’ll host another two years of the French GP…)

And so, Friday’s second practice session wasn’t too much of a surprise, as the field was seeing red… As in the two Scuderia Ferrari’s blitzing the time sheets, but Renault went for a bit of a ruse, by having Fredrico Suave (F. Alonso) end up quickest of all… Suggesting that the Spaniard was running on extremely light fuel tanks in hopes of grabbing some headline space for the Reggie, eh? Thus Felipe Massa was second ahead of Kimi Raikkonen, (P3) who was followed by Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton. (P4)

Sadly, the F1 paddock was mourning the loss of Toyota’s Ove Anderson, who’d been killed in a Vintage Rally Raid in South Africa and the Toyota team were donning black arm bands and sporting black stripes across the noses of their two TF108 challengers.

And a good deal of fun was had at the expense of SPEED’s senior commentator, Messer Hobbs, who waxed on a bit about how if he was to ever write a book, his missus said it should be titled; “I Shoulda Won, But!” to which the House of Winsor immediately broke in and said he’d just received a text message from Hobbo’s colleague S. Posey that says the title of Hobbs biography should instead be titled: “I could have been Second!”

Saturday qualifying saw the true formation of the grid come about, when The Iceman (K. Raikkonen) grabbed the pole position ahead of his Brazilian teammate, in what would be Ferrari’s coveted 200th pole… Giving the Scuderia Ferrari another front row lock-out, with Jaguar slotting into P3, yet recall that Hamilton and Nico Rosberg had both been given 10 grid spot penalties for the pit lane contretemps in Canada. And thus Alonso would ultimately start from P3 with Toyota’s Jarno Trulli alongside, while uncharacteristically The Krakow Kid (R. Kubica) was starting from row three.

And while Jaguar was to start from P13, his teammate Heikki Kovalinen was given a five grid spot penalty for supposedly driving too slowly and impeding Nick Heidfeld’s progress, while Rosberg started 15th and Honda’s Rubens Barrichello moved to caboose with a five spot gearbox change penalty.

When the lights went green, Kimi simply shot off into the lead, continuously setting the races fastest lap and pulling away from Massa, (I believe that Kimi set fastest race lap and thus tied Nigel Mansell for third for overall fastest race laps, as it would be Kimi’s 29th) with both Ferrari’s simply leaving the rest of the field in the dust. Then the unthinkable happened when Kimi’s exhaust decided to separate itself from the Ferrari lump. After being held on solely by a sensor wire, the offending exhaust pipe finally disembarked the stricken Ferrari, which enabled Massa to shoot by after having been behind by over seven seconds. Yet, amazingly Kimi held onto second place, while Trulli “Scrumptious” hung onto third to claim his very first podium in 55 races, after a massive blocking maneuver he performed upon Kovalainen, which seems an appropriate tribute to Toyota’s stricken founder.

As for Hamilton, the theme of his day was something to do with Groundhog’s, (Groundhog Day?) as he was forced to attempt passing Renault’s Nelson Piquet Jr. three separate times… And wound up tenth, out of the points for the second race in a row.

And bully on you Nelson Nelson, who pulled off a late race pass on teammate Alonso to secure seventh place, his first Grand Prix points of his young career, with Alonso having to settle for eighth.

Thus, Massa’s third victory of the season now makes him the fourth driver to lead the point’s standings in the past four rounds and the first Brazilian to lead the World Championship since Ayrton Senna did at Monaco in 1993.

Qualifying Results
Pole: K. Raikkonen; 2. F. Massa; 3. L. Hamilton; 4. F. Alonso; 5. J. Trulli; 6. H. Kovalainen; 7. R. Kubica; 8. M. Webber; 9. D. Coulthard; 10. T. Glock

Race Results
Winner: F. Massa; 2.K. Raikkonen; 3. J. Trulli; 4. H. Kovalainen;
5. R. Kubica; 6. M. Webber; 7. N. Piquet; 8. F. Alonso

2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 8 of 18)

Driver’s
F. Massa 48
R. Kubica 46
K. Raikkonen 43
L. Hamilton 38
N. Heidfeld 28

Constructors
Ferrari 91
BMW Sauber 74
McLaren 58
Red Bull 24
Toyota 23

So now we’re off to Bloody ‘Ol Silverstone, where Jaguar has just claimed the fastest time in pre-race testing last week and although the race is a reported sell-out, there’s still the BMW Sauber Pit lane Park exhibit to visit in Manchester…

Now it’s a Record!

Although Rubens Barrichello and Honda F1 Racing have already celebrated the Brazilian’s accomplishment of completing 257 starts at the Spanish Grand Prix, many of us including myself have stuck to the figures provided by F1 Racing and other such sources which have slightly disagreed with the numbers the ageless Rubino used to reach his milestone, while I suppose we could argue over the statistical anomalies for countless hours, eh?

Like all major Formula 1 drivers, both previous record holder Ricardo Patrese and Barrichello both began their motor racing careers by racing go karts and then moving up the junior ranks prior to beginning their illustrious careers in Formula 1.

Patrese made his F1 debut in 1977 for the Shadow team before moving to Arrows the following season, when several Shadow team members left to start-up the Arrows outfit. Due to his overly aggressive driving style, Ricardo was accused of triggering an accident which led to the death of Ronnie Peterson and was subsequently banned by his fellow drivers when the GPDA successfully had Patrese refused entry to the following Grand Prix, (Watkins Glen; USGP East) leaving great bitterness between his fellow competitors, most notably World Champion James Hunt.

Patrese then moved onto Messer Ecclestone’s Brabham team to partner triple World Champion Nelson Piquet from 1982-83, before switching to Alfa Romeo from 1984-85, prior to returning to Brabham for a further two seasons. (1986-87) In 1988, the Italian made the switch to Sir Frank Williams racing team and would stay thru as teammate to Nigel Mansell’s clinching of his lone driver’s title in 1992 prior to spending his last season in Formula One alongside some young German up and comer named Michael Schumacher…

SPEED’s Professor Matchett has waxed on eloquently about being the man to have strapped in Ricardo for those final 16 starts which propelled the Italian to the staggering total of 256 Grand Prix starts, as Patrese holds two lesser known records of scoring points the longest number of years along with longest separation between Grand Prix victories; Monaco, 1982 and Suzuka, 1992, as the likeable Italian scored a total of six wins and eight poles between 1977-93.

Ironically the torch for F1 “Supermen” would be passed from elder statesmen Patrese to a young fresh faced Brazilian in 1993, as Barrichello would begin his rookie Formula 1 season for the Jordan Grand Prix concern that very season, showing up his more experienced teammates Ivan Capelli and Thierry Boutsen by claiming his first career pole at Spa Francorchamps that year before scoring his maiden GP points at Suzuka, finishing fifth, one place ahead of his new teammate Eddie “IRV THE SWERVE” Irvine.

Although I only recall being focused upon the ascending super Star Herr Schumacher in ’93, my first recollections of Barrichello’s talent was aboard those distinctly painted Sasol Jordan’s which the plucky Irishman’s team seemed to continuously make deals with the wrong engine suppliers, which ultimately led to Rubens decision to leave the team and sign-up to drive for the upstart Stewart Grand Prix concern in 1997, where BArrichello scored a superb second in the rain soaked Monaco GP in only the team’s fifth race. Barrichello would remain with the Stewarts for three seasons prior to being called up as Schumacher’s vigilant wingman in 2000, and would score his maiden Grand Prix victory in the bizarre German GP, (Nurburgring) where a nutso priest would wander about the racing line in protest before being tackled and removed forcibly from the tarmac!

Fed up with playing the dutiful number two behind German Wunderkind Schuey, Rubino signed up to drive alongside Honda’s Jenson Button for the 2006 season, where he now looks set to finish out his Grand Prix career at, as Barrichello has scored 13 poles and 9 victories, with the latter all coming during his Scuderia Ferrari days...

F1 Changing of the guard?

While the hottest story in Formula 1 has cooled considerably now that Sir Maxxum has been given a free pass to collect his $200.00 after having landed on go…

As MAD MAX Mosley will indeed continue to serve out the remainder of his current term as the head of the FIA, having won approval during the recently concluded special meeting in “Gay Paree” on June 3rd,

Interestingly Sir Maxxum weathered the storm over the even more bizarre reporting that a member of MI5’s, (Britain’s counterpart to our beloved CIA) wife, a Dominatrix was the woman who led five prostitutes in the plot to discredit MAD MAX…

Yet, there are also some other developments occurring in the paddock, in regards to the still lingering legal wrangles over chassis cloning, as the original matter involved charges made by Spyker F1 against Super Aguri and Scuderia Toro Rosso.

Yet sadly, Honda has let Aguri-san fall by the wayside, as the team has ceased operations, as apparently “Super Best Friends” were too much competition for the works team, while Honda has been visibly without any major sponsorship the past season plus and its worth noting that Honda F1 only overtook Super Aguri in the 2007 Constructor’s championship at the final race in Shanghai…

Yet, with Super Aguri out of the picture, there have been reports of Force India’s chief executive Colin Kolles being spotted in Salzburg, assume ably meeting with Red Bull officials who are now keen to sell off Toro Rosso, as it appears that whenever the new Concorde Agreement is finally reached, as the current agreement expired on December 31st, 2007, all teams will indeed need to produce their own chassis.

And while rumours claimed that Gerhard Berger, Toro Rosso’s co-owner has been busy racking-up his frequent flyer miles with trips to the Middle East in search of backers, recall that this is the same region from where the Magma Group which pulled out of negotiations to purchase super Aguri resides…

Recent speculation suggests that perhaps the Lancia Company may be interested in acquiring Deeter Majestic’s shares in Toro Rosso and most likely a controlling interest? As this would allow for brand exposure, while the team would still be able to utilize FIAT parent companies Ferrari power train components.

Yet the latest rumours have suggested that perhaps Ultimate Motorsport, a British Formula 3 team with major backing from the Angolan oil company Sonangol, is now interested in the Red Bull satellite operation? And would potentially solve the thorny customer chassis issue by having France’s Mygale chassis constructor as their partner.

Meanwhile, there are now rumours also of a second Honda powered squad returning to Formula 1 for 2009 as an American F1 team, which seems somewhat far-fetched? As reports claim that Ken Anderson was spotted at the Canadian Grand Prix on a reconnaissance mission…

As this rumoured organization would merely revive the role that Super Aguri served, as a satellite program to run Takuma Sato and possibly an American racecar pilot… Perhaps the almighty Princess Danicker? As reportedly Honda is keen to steal some of Toyota’s RASSCAR thunder…

Yet, sadly for the foreseeable future, we’ve returned to a lowly number of just ten Constructors taking part in Formula 1, while Max Mosley was bellyaching how F1 couldn’t succeed if he wasn’t allowed to finish out his term, but let us recall, that Sir Maxxum was the instigator in this dubious customer chassis shamozzle along with selecting David Richards Prodrive organization as the twelfth and final Constructor allowed on the grid for 2008!

Thus, as we sink into a global recession, while the Concorde Agreement remains unsigned… The majority of potential new Formula 1 team owners are loathe to sign-up for the FIA’s premiere racing series, which appears to be somewhat rudderless at the moment as Mosley looks set to become a shrinking violet… But then again; Formula 1 NEVER Sleeps!

Il Notre Dam

ILL is exactly what I felt about the flippin’ FOX broadcast of the Canadian Grand Prix… And as I’ve still not watched the Friday second practice session, nor did I take any notes during Saturday’s qualifying, I’m quite behind on my F1 coverage… Of which will only fall further behind with the monstrous amount of Le Mans coverage this weekend on SPEED! Can you say Viva la France?

Obviously, I’d have to say I was most impressed by The Krakow Kid, a.k.a. Robert Kubica, who’s simply KICKED ASS and Taken NO prisoners since replacing the over spoken Jacque ‘O Lantern *Jacques) Villeneuve and I feel a little bit sad for “Quick Nick” (Heidfeld) whom I’m thinking perhaps days are numbered at BMW Sauber? Although the team is obviously keen to keep a German on tap, but I cannot help wonder if Heidfeld’s simply now keeping the seat warm for Sebastian Vettel? Who yes I know has a contract with Red Bull, but as I’ve just recently told Mary Ellen, there’s NO such thing as an iron clad contract in F1… I mean, just ask Fredrico Suave (Alonso)

Yet Kubica, who’s gone to extraordinary lengths to lose weight in order to gain every possible advantage out of the BMW Sauber is currently tied for the fourth best driver on the grid, as he and Heikki Kovalainen squabble over this position, with only Lewis Hamilton, Kimi “The REAL Iceman” Raikkonen and Felipe Massa ahead of him…

And Kubica was momentarily on Pole, until Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton snatched it away from his good buddy, with the Kimster third, just ahead of a very impressive Ferdi the Putz. (Alonso) Even more impressive was Williams Nico Rosberg out qualifying Ferrari’s Felipe Massa, while Mark Webber pulled a “DC” and crashed on the marbles on his way back to the pits at the end of Q2… As the track was breaking up once again and quite tricky off line…

Peter WINSOR: Kimi, quicker of the two Ferrari drivers. You are always in the points here in Canada but it looked like sector three is always a difficult one for Ferrari. The top speed is not quite there relative to McLaren Mercedes.

Kimi RAIKKONEN: The car has been good all weekend. Even this morning it was very good and then going into qualifying it is quite a joke with the circuit. It is always the same thing, the circuit breaks down and you miss the corner because there is so much sand. I lost so much time in corner 10 as I couldn't get around as the car just went straight and didn't give any traction. I am a bit disappointed on that because we had a car that could fight for pole position and we will see tomorrow how it is going to be in the race and whether it is going to be a nightmare when we do 70 laps and it breaks up after two laps. It is going to be quite interesting.

Interestingly, the man made island on the St. Lawrence River, which was built in 1967, was like many of the previous events when you’re never quite sure when or how many Safety Car periods there will be. Recall last years horrible looking shunt that Robert Kubica experienced, miraculously walking away with only a swollen ankle… So, this year’s Safety Car seemed a bit sedate as Adrian Sutil’s Force India came to a stop on the road before his front brakes caught on fire… Which led to one of the craziest incidents I’ve seen in quite some time… As everybody piled into their respective pit boxes after the FOM (Formula One Management) had displayed the graphic that the pits were open, Kimi Raikkonen stopped alongside Kubica, as there was a HUGE RED LIGHT being displayed at pit out… And although I’m not exactly sure why? I’m absolutely 100% positive that when Lewis Hamilton realized his mistake(?) he PURPOSELY chose the Kimster over his good, close, personal friend Kubica to impale with his hurtling McLaren… As obviously he wouldn’t wish for Kimi to gain valuable points on him as the defending World Champion.

With his two main race protagonists out of the picture, the race appeared to be his for the taking, although Kubica’s teammate Quick Nick had other designs after briefly leading and even passing Kubica on pit stops… But The Krakow Kid was NOT to be denied, as he drove 6-7 qualifying laps in a row in order to build up a 24 second lead over Heidfeld, who was now considerably slower after having taken on a large fuel load in order to make his race a one stop event…

Thus Kubica was triumphant, becoming the very first Polish driver to ever win a Grand Prix, as it was quite enjoyable to hear a different National Anthem being played… As Kubica stood proudly during the playing of the Polish National Anthem… And it was a “White & Blue Letter Day,” as Heidfeld followed Kubica across the stripe to give BMW Sauber its very first 1-2 finish in Formula 1, with a very delighted (Surprised) David Coulthard scoring his first podium for Red Bull, while Toyota’s Timo Glock scored his first points and impressively, German Hot-shue Sebastian Vettel held off McLarein’s Heikki Kovalinen for 8th place…

The Canadian Race Stewards later decided that both Hamilton and Nico Rosberg would be docked 10 place grid spot penalties for their roles in the pit lane accident, which will be served at the French GP... And while Raikkonen was busy pointing at the stop light for “Jaguar’s” indiscretion, as Peter Winsor later pointed out, Kimi isn’t to be let off the hook for running into the back of Sutil’s Force India at Monte Carlo…

Qualifying Results
Pole: L. Hamilton; 2. R. Kubica; 3. K. Raikkonen; 4. F. Alonso;
5. N. Rosberg; 6. F. Massa; 7. H. Kovalainen; 8. N. Heidfeld;
9. R. Barrichello; 10. M. Webber

Race Results
Winner: R. Kubica; 2. N. Heidfeld; 3. D. Coulthard; 4. T. Glock;
5. F. Massa; 6. J. Trulli; 7. R. Barrichello; 8. S. Vettel


2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 7 of 18)

Driver’s
R. Kubica 42
L. Hamilton 38
F. Massa 38
K. Raikkonen 35
N. Heidfeld 28

Constructors
Ferrari 73
BMW Sauber 70
McLaren 53
Red Bull 21
Toyota 17

Show me the money!

During the Turkish GP’s Pre-race show… (Ever heard of those, FOX?) Peter Winsor did an interesting bit about the potential costs of running an F1 team in today’s business climate, while noting how Emperor Bernardo was overly keen to remain “Monosyllabic towards ANY hard numbers…

Yet Winsor ascertains that the average per season price of admission will set you back $200 million… With Bob Varsha commenting during the Canadian GP that the top F1 teams such as Toyota and most likely all of the major auto manufacturers are spending somewhere in the region of $700-800 million per season!

Although the FIA doles out $50m to each team in the form of travel expenses and “Prize” money, with a further $40m being accumulated by all Constructors VIP operations… The various teams are still left seeking to secure approximately half of their working budgets from sponsors… And this does NOT include all of the various other sundry businesses involved, i.e.; Oil Companies, lubricants, tyres, parts specialists, etc. which will potentially chip in to the teams budgets.

Yet, lets consider the costs of building a current racing circuit, as the latest to join the fray is the ultra modern, sheik Istanbul Autodrome, at a cost of $250m. And if we take a look at the latest four “Super” circuits: Abu Dhabi; Bahrain; Malaysia and Singapore, the cost EXEEDS $1 Billion! While ALL of today’s Modern circuits MUST be designed by Herman Tilke, who’s quite lavish over his pit lane complexes, amongst overall venue layout amenities.

And just what does the first three figures pertain to?

Team Budget; $200m
(Average for all ten teams currently competing)
This cost includes: Team personnel, Engines, R & D and Logistics

FIA; $50m
This cost includes: TV Rights, Circuit appearance fees and F1 Endorsements

Team VIP’s; $40m
This cost includes: Admittance into the very exclusive team Paddock Club which sees an average of 70 attendees per event. (Avg. price = $3,000 per attendee)

Overall, Formula 1 is a $2+ Billion per year industry…

Budget capping Italian style
While there are rumours speculating about a new Budget capping system being proposed in Formula 1, which would see the FIA impose a three year cap reduction, beginning at $150m Euros next year, it wouldn’t include Driver and Team Bosses salaries, nor Engines or Marketing costs.
Which ties in nicely with the figures thrown around by the House of Winsor during his Pre-race monologue at Istanbul… Yet, once again leave it to Ferrari to try upsetting the Apple Cart as they may have as much as a $100 million head start

Monn knockoe

Ok, although I’m sure there were more interesting tidbits discussed during this past weekend’s Formula 1 race… Here’s what grabbed my attention all those days ago, as it was rough sledding having binged out on the Indy 500, Monaco GP and Monte Carlo GP2 races…

Thursday tidbits
Monte Carlo is so SMALL that you could fit the ENTIRE Principality easily INSIDE of Indianapolis, as its ONLY ¾ square mile and is the second smallest country in the world after Vatican City.

Listening to the Krakow Kid’s (R. Kubica) radio transmission, about the apparent problems in setting up the chassis, Peter Winsor wanted to know if he should go ask Ron Dennis if he had any more advice for Robert on where to LOSE some more weight after the “Ronster” had made jokes about how large Kubica’s nose was on the grid in Istanbul…

Top trap speeds; Lewis Hamilton hitting 291kp/h (180mph) while setting fastest Thursday practice time, as the cars scream around the two mile circuit in just under 80 seconds per lap at an average of 100mph! In a city you can completely circumnavigate in just over one hour…

Favourite Circuits
Steve Matchett:
Whenever anybody asks me what Formula 1 circuit should I go to? I always reply Monza and Monaco. Monza simply because of the passion of the Tiafosi and Monaco because its so unique…I mean every night you can go walk around the streets that the race is on, have a drink in the bars and eat at the restaurants all surrounding the course and get as close to the mechanics as possible while they’re working on the cars…

But Monaco is FERROCIOUSLY EXPENSIVE!

David Hobbs: But if you want to watch open racing then Spa. Although it’s a long circuit and the weather’s a bit dodgy and not very well attended, once you’re inside you can walk from nearly every corner to corner…

Bob Varsha:
Now you’ve got me thinking what’s my favourite circuit and to gain me some extra time I’m going to defer to Peter.

Peter Winsor:
Well Bob, I MUST SAY I’M ANNOYED! That we’re NOT going to Indianapolis this year… Although I’m NOT saying that Indy is my favourite circuit, but what a Major race that was and Formula 1 NEEDS to be in America…

As May turns to June and we’re going to Canada, but NOT the United States, I think it’s TERRIBLE! And I’m SICK about it and I’m rather SICK about the Team Owners who prattle on about how we NEED to be in America, how they love America, etc. but are NOT doing ANYTHING about it! As they should be out there ACTIVELY PROMOTING IT! The Drivers should be out there, the Top Three should be out there doing long media conferences selling Formula 1 to the American public and sponsors and as an F1 economy there NOT doing it and I think they’re remiss for NOT doing it…

Matchett:
Well I totally agree with you Peter to a large extent… Although BMW Sauber did indeed have there pit complex in Las Vegas this January. (Consumer Electronics Show) And there were tons of people there… And I think you’re 100% right on we need more Teams promoting it. Why couldn’t McLaren, Ferrari and others be alongside BMW’s Pit Lane Park? Except for perhaps the Commercial aspect of it, as Bernie Ecclestone may raise his hand and say I NEED a piece of that!

Hobbs:
It is after all the largest market for all of the top manufacturers… Definitely Ferrari and BMW, Mercedes, Honda… It’s the BIGGEST single market and F1 NEEDS to be there!

Saturday tidbits
The opening montage was sprinkled with comments from past and present Formula 1 luminaries, as “The Wee Scot,” a.k.a. Sir Jackie Stewart began the sequence by stating; Monaco hasn’t changed at all; Still the most glamorous, still the most colourful. It’s still the most exciting!

Felipe Massa; Its like racing a go kart in your house.

Kimi Raikkonen: If you don’t push, you don’t get the lap; but if you push too hard then you end up in the barriers.

Ayrton Senna; You position your wheels with the Armco ALL the time and you’re cutting it that close.

I don’t know why, but I found it just a tad bit eerie to be hearing Senna’s voice once again… As Bob Varsha had marveled earlier how Senna had once claimed that he’d look over at the giant video monitor while racing up the hill at “Bo Ravage” to see where his competitors were…

Mika Hakkinen; It’s very exciting, I mean you’re so close to the barriers all of the time.

David Coulthard; You cannot push 100% here, because if you go 101% then you’re into the barriers… Which were prophetic words as DC had a huge shunt towards the end of Q2 and although he was 10th quickest, advancing to the final Q3 “Qualie” session, he’d go NO farther due to the obvious damage he’d done against the Armco…

And Triple World Champion Nelson Piquet, who never managed to win at Monte Carlo once said; its like trying to fly a helicopter in your living room… While it was fun to hear Keke Rosberg, who’d won Monaco 25yrs ago for Williams telling Peter Winsor during his grid walk that he wouldn’t try telling son Nico anything because he wouldn’t listen to him anyways…

And “Quick Nick” Heidfeld’s record run of 28 consecutive Top 10 qualifying positions was snapped this weekend, when the German could do no better then 13th place in Q2 qualifying…

Thus, it was a very surprised Felipe Massa, who’d earlier said he didn’t like Monaco very much, snatching his 12th career pole over the REAL Iceman, a.k.a. “The Kimster,” nee Kimi Raikkonen. Massa’s Pole was the first for the Scuderia in Monaco since Michael Schumacher’s in 2000, while the surprising lockout of the front row by Ferrari was the teams first since 1979, which was also the last time a Scuderia pilot had won from Pole Position. (Jody Scheckter) Forlornly, Team McLaren took the second row on the grid after having been faster then the red cars during practice.

Adding more drama to the race was that it would become a wet/dry affair as it began raining just prior to the start of the race and everybody was using Bridgestone’s “Wet” intermediate tires as Massa shot off the line with Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton making his way around the Kimster, while fellow Finn, Heikki Kovalainen stalled on the formation lap and was forced to start from pit lane.

And I still don’t know how he got away with it, but Hamilton kissed the Armco with his rear tire, having to immediately duck into the pits for a replacement, as he’d later comment that you couldn’t see where you were going in the spray and everybody was aquaplaning…

Meanwhile Massa made a mistake while leading and handed the front spot over to Kubica, who led for quite sometime in the BMW Sauber, yet after pit stops Hamilton built up a massive forty second lead before Nico Rosberg slammed heavily into the swimming pool complex’s barriers, bringing out a safety car, which evaporated Lewis’s lead. By this time, Fredrico Suave (Alonso) who’d been the first to bravely switch over to “Slicks” on the drying track had shown that this was the preferred tire as he began setting fast lap times, while his hapless rookie teammate Nelson Nelson (Piquet Jr.) who’s reportedly under increasing pressure over keeping his ride managed to slide off track after they’d thrown dry tires on his mount…

And just prior to the restart, we heard Force India’s Adrian Sutil’s radio transmission note that he was the meat in a Scuderia Ferrari “Works” sandwich, with Massa ahead and World Champion Raikkonen lurking directly behind, as the young German had driven an amazing race from P18 to fourth, being on track to garner Force India’s and his first career points…

Yet, With everybody having made the switch over to the dry grooved tires and the laps winding down in what would become a timed event, the Kimster got a little too overaggressive and punted Sutil out of the way, to no avail! As Kimi would ultimately end up out of the points after his multiple race transgressions, including a drive thru penalty for Ferrari failing to have his tires mounted prior to the three minute board…

Thus Hamilton led Kubica and Massa across the finish line and the win was “Jaguar’s” first victory in the Principality as an F1 pileto and he seemed genuinely taken by his accomplishment as he was the first Englishmen to win on the streets of Monte Carlo since Graham Hill had done so for Lotus in 1969.

Meanwhile, Rubens Barrichello, who was starting his 256th Grand Prix, celebrated by scoring his very first points in over one year, while the hapless young German hot-shue Sebastian Vettel finally righted his miserable season with an impressive run to fifth place…

Qualifying Results
Pole: F. Massa; 2. K. Raikkonen; 3. L. Hamilton; 4. H. Kovalainen;
5. R. Kubica; 6. N. Rosberg; 7. F. Alonso; 8. J. Trulli; 9. M. Webber;
10. D. Coulthard

Race Results
Winner:L. Hamilton; 2. R. Kubica; 3. F. Massa; 4. M. Webber;
5. S. Vettel; 6. R. Barrichello; 7. K. Nakajima; 8. H. Kovalainen



2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 6 of 18)

Driver’s
L. Hamilton 38
K. Raikkonen 35
F. Massa 34
R. Kubica 32
N. Heidfeld 20

Constructors
Ferrari 69
McLaren 53
BMW Sauber 52
Red Bull 15
Williams 15

Felipe’s Kastle

Once again the F1 outing at Istanbul was fairly sanguine… With Scuderia Ferrari putting on another clinique, as Felipe Massa scored his third Pole and Victory in a row in Turkey, a feat that hasn’t been accomplished since Michael Schumacher did so at, aghast, the USGP. (2003-04-05*-06) Well, actually Herr Schumacher WON the USGP four straight years in a row, including the infamous 2005 Michelin tyre DEBACLE… While also becoming the very first driver to ever WIN FIVE times at the Speedway, (2000, 2003-06) but I digress…

Perhaps I’m just trying to watch too bleepin’ muchoe race coverage, since with the euphoria of Indy Pole Day along with the Turkish GP, I seem to be having trouble remembering exactly what grabbed my fancy from Istanbul…

Although I found it ironic to hear Bob Varsha describing Massa’s domination as an Istanbul Massacre, or was that deliberate by Mr. Varsha?

As I’ve previously mentioned, the Turk’s have been busy bombing the buh-jesus outta the Kurd’s (Can you say higher crude oil prices?) and to date REFUSE to recognize the word Genocide in regards to the savage butchery or acknowledge the Armenian Massacre (Holocaust) of 1.0-1.5 million Armenian’s (Approx.) between 1915-17, with the anniversary being considered April 4, 1915.

But once again I digress, so back to the racing action, as impressively Heikki Kovalainen secured his very first front row starting position after his massive shunt two weeks ago at Barcelona, while row two saw the potential 2008 World Champion protagonists lining up, with Hamilton getting the nod over the Iceman. Even more impressive? Was the fact that both Red Bull runners made it into Q3, albeit by the time it came around, Coulthard had already used up his allotment of “soft” option tires and both drivers made only last minute runs with Webber grabbing 6th place behind the Heavy Hitters…

I did enjoy the comments between Professor Matchett and Peter Winsor over the slickness of their past race teams, when Matchett was discussing the mistakes of Toyota crew members using the radio to tell Jarno to pit at Barcelona when nothing was wrong with his car.

This led to Winsor telling a story about Patrick Head screaming into the radio for Nelson Piquet to PIT- PIT- PIT… F%%KING BLOODY PIT!!! As Peter noted that Messer Head got so enraged that he threw off his headset in disgust, before it was discovered he was NOT pushing the transmit button…

Which segways nicely with the best (Only?) Radio intercept of the race
Toyota Engineer to Jar no; “You’re 3 seconds behind DC and NICO’s a further +1 seconds, try to catch up to them…

Truly: “I’m pushing like HELL!” (YOU BLEEPIN’ IDIOT!)

Another excellent comment came from Messer Winsor in regards to the very KOOL thermal imaging camera that was used for the very first time during qualifying and then again during the race…

As the House of Winsor asked during qualifying; What colour is it showing for Nico Rosberg’s head? As there’s smoke pouring out of his helmet right now after not being able to make it into the Q3 final “Qualie” session…

And according to Ferrari’s Felipe Massa upon his Turkish hat trick, during the post race interview hosted by none other than SPEED’s Peter Winsor;

Q: Felipe, you like winning from pole. The Turkish Grand Prix always results in a winner from pole and everything delivered for you today.

Felipe Massa: It is just fantastic. Today was a very difficult race actually and Lewis was pushing me hard a lot for the whole race. Then when I did my pit-stop he was there straight away, so I thought maybe he had put less fuel in or something. I then realised and my team told me straight away he was on three stops. For sure, that was a little bit of help as he was very strong and I couldn't hold him on the track and he passed me. But then I knew I still had a good chance to win the race as three stops were a little bit optimistic. But anyway I created a reasonable gap to be at the front after the pit stops. It was difficult, but we made it three times in Turkey which is just fantastic…

“I think I can get a passport here already!”

Qualifying Results
Pole: F. Massa; 2. H. Kovalainen; 3. L. Hamilton; 4. K. Raikkonen;
5. R. Kubica; 6. M. Webber; 7. F. Alonso; 8. J. Trulli; 9. N. Heidfeld;
10. D. Coulthard

Race Results
Winner: F. Massa; 2. L. Hamilton; 3. K. Raikkonen; 4. R. Kubica;
5. N. Heidfeld; 6. F. Alonso; 7. M. Webber; 8. N. Rosberg

2008 F1 Point Standings
(Round 5 of 18)

Driver’s
K. Raikkonen 35
F. Massa 28
L. Hamilton 28
R. Kubica 24
N. Heidfeld 20

Constructors
Ferrari 63
BMW Sauber 44
McLaren 42
Williams 13
Red Bull 10

F1 Qualifying revision

VERRY SADLY, with the unfortunate demise of the little team that could… As Aguri Suzuki ceased operations of Super Aguri F1 this past week after Honda executives scuttled plans of a rescue package put forth by the Wiegel Group, we’re now left with only 10 F1 Constructors and thus Formula 1 knockout qualifying has been adjusted.

With only 20 cars participating, the first two sessions will see a reduction of one car being eliminated, as only five cars will be “bumped” out of advancing from the first two rounds of qualifying. Thus “Q1” will see positions 1-15 moving onto “Q2,” while the final “Qualie” session “Q3” will feature positions 1-10 fighting for the pole position…

We’ll MISS YUH “Super Best Friends!”

Radio Czech

Although I’ve tossed it around previously with a fellow motorsports enthusiast, apparently we weren’t alone as Radovan Novak dropped his little bombshell during a recent interview on Radio Impuls being broadcasted over Czech Republic airwaves…

Messer Novak managed to hint that perhaps McLaren was responsible for the divulging of Sir Maxxum’s Helga be a good prisoner sex-capades…

After all, the Ronster and MAD Max have never been drinking buddies and Mosley was instrumental in seeing that Ron’s fabled racing team was lightened of $100m large from his wallet along with loosing all Constructor’s points and, Egad! Having to line-up at the very tail end of the grid in P11; as in BEHIND Force India. To which Dennis could be heard muttering all the way from the top of the Paragon motor palace; “You’ve got to be BLOODY JOKING!!!”

Of course, Mr. Novak has since gone into full denial mode over his recent comments, to which the Ronster issued the following statement;

"We have written to Mr. Novak and are currently considering the appropriate route via which the remarks that have been attributed to him may be withdrawn or corrected."
Dennis went on to deny Novak's suggestion in no uncertain terms.
"As I have consistently said whenever I have been asked about this, I categorically deny that I have anything to do with the News of the World investigation into Mr. Mosley," he said. "Neither does anyone connected with the McLaren Group or the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes team, and neither does any agent or any other party acting on behalf of myself or anyone connected with the McLaren Group or the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes team."

It is worth noting that Mr. Novak is a longtime member of the FIA as well as a staunch supporter of Mr. Mosley, and currently holds the posts of General-Secretary of the Autoclub of the Czech Republic (ACCR) and President of the FIA's Central European Zone. (CEZ)

Thus it seems a tad odd that an FIA member is floating “Trial Balloon” statements upon public airwaves, unless he was inspired by his close ally Sir Maxxum? Novak has also claimed that the World Motor Sport Council held a straw poll towards whether or not Mr. Mosley should remain in office, claiming that there were six undecided, with nine each for and against Mosley with Sir Maxxum and Emperor Bernardo not being present…

But one must indeed wonder… HMM? McLaren Mercedes, isn’t Mercedes Benz a German firm? Is it possible that Norbert Haag could be able to contact some very nice Frauleins and ask: Meine Freunde kleine Wurst, Frau bitte finden!

It’s just a thought, since Mosley seems to have unfairly gone after McLaren while letting Flavour Flav and the Reggie slide.

Spanish Flies

Amazingly Heikki Kovalainen escaped Un-Injured from his massive crash during the Spanish Grand Prix…
-
As fortunately FIA mandated safety design standards have vastly improved driver’s chances of survivability in today’s F1 racing cars. Imagine if this had been the 1980’s when driver’s lower extremities were placed far forwards of the front axle centerline…

Yet for those of us who watched a fairly processional Spanish GP, we were momentarily stunned by Heikki Kovalainen’s massive shunt against the tire barrier thru a 140mph corner…

According to Ron Dennis and Martin Whitemarsh, the team suspects that a “rogue” piece of stone somehow lodged itself between the front tire rim and suspension, as a sudden, unexplained loss of air pressure sent the hurtling McLaren straight thru the sand trap, impailing the stricken MP4-23 underneath the tire barrier… As it took ten minutes to dislodge Heikki from the cockpit of his heavily wrecked McLaren, which miraculously he would escape without injury!

Once again I found Friday’s second practice session TV coverage more informative then Saturday’s qualifying program, albeit Fredrico Suave did NOT disappoint his fellow countrymen, with a light tanks go for broke qualifying run in the dramatic Q3 Final “Qualie” session…

Paddock notes
Peter Windsor noted how glad he was to have his job and how good it was to see Bernie Ecclestone strolling the paddock, making sure that the F1 team’s palatial “Motor Coaches” were all parked perfectly a half inch away from each other…

Super Aguri was extended a further Grand Prix as it appears that its buy-out from the Magma Group has fallen apart. Honda F1’s boss Nick Fry said that Honda had paid a further 2.0 million Euros for the tiny “B-Team” to race this weekend, but don’t expect any further funding at Turkey…

Various discussions were made about the new aero treatments several teams were running, most notably Honda’s “Rabbit-ears,” NOT to be confused with last years version of “Elephant-ears” which Steve Matchett claimed the team had to discontinue because they were so UGLY!

Professor Matchett also discussed Renault’s new Dorsal Fin treatment on the spine of the rear engine cover a la Red Bull Racing; For more info see Speed TV’s chalkboard section…

While poised to become the most experienced man in Formula 1, Honda’s Rubens Barrichello completed two race distances back-to-back during the most recent test at Barcelona, a feat of 150 laps…

The House of Winsor noted how card playing has become all the rage in the F1 Paddock, as “Fishy-fella,” Tonio Luzzi, both BMW-Sauber boyzs and Ferdi the Putz, a.k.a. Alonso have all taken to playing poker until 11:30PM every Saturday night, while Giancarlo Fisichella is the man to beat…

Adrian Newey’s Red Bull version of the Scuderia Toro Rosso STR-03 is still on track to debut at Turkey despite Bourdais’s big crash…

And speaking of the Hamburgular, a.k.a. Sebastain Bourdeax (Bourdais) he’s managed to steal a better qualifying position ahead of more experienced teammate Sebastian Vettel once again, along with beating senior F1 driver DC!

And it was funny to see the Force India F1 team atop the time sheets for a long portion of Friday’s second practice session, with “Fisi” leading Adrian Sutil, who were then split by The Iceman… Before “Kazoo” Nakajima jumped to the top with Nico Rosberg hot on his heels, before the Spanish crowd went ecstatic with homeboy Fredrico Suave and Nelson Nelson of the Renault squad taking their turn at the top of the page…

But as Sir Jackie (Stewart) so bluntly pointed out on Peter Winsor’s grid walk, NOBODY would beat Kimi Raikkonen from pole… As he became the eighth driver in a row to win from the coveted grid position at Barcelona…

And while Alonso delighted the 132,000+ Spanish spectators, his engine finally “DONE BLOWN UP!” while running in the points… As it had been previously pointed out that engines were reported to cost a cool $250,000 Euros a copy. What’s that David? About $400k large greenbacks Bob Varsha quipped…


Qualifying results
Pole: Kimi Raikkonen; 2. Fernando Alonso; 3. Felipe Massa; 4. Robert Kubica; 5. Lewis Hamilton; 6. Heikki Kovalainen; 7. Mark Webber; 8. Jarno Trulli: 9. Nick Heidfeld; 10. Nelson Piquet Jr

Race results
Winner: K. Raikkonen; 2. F. Massa; 3. L. Hamilton; 4. R. Kubica;
5. M. Webber; 6. Jenson Button: 7. Kazuki Nakajima; 8. J. Trulli

2008 F1 Point Standings
Round 4 of 18)

Driver’s
K. Raikkonen 29
L. Hamilton 20
R. Kubica 19
F. Massa 18
N. Heidfeld 16
H. Kovalainen 14

Constructors
Ferrari 47
BMW Sauber 35
McLaren 34
Williams 12
Red Bull 8

Mosley standing tall

NO Jokes about a certain portion of Messer Maxums anatomy here… What’s that song about; Cry me a River, Nile? As it has now come to light that MAD MAX Mosley has accepted an invitation to attend the Jordanian round of the World Rally Championship (April 24-27) which is the first time that Rally Cars have raced in the desert since 1975. Hence, this diversionary trip shields Mosley nicely from running afoul of his flock of Seagulls, Err, supporters (nee CRITICS) in Barcelona…

As perhaps I’m the only “Juan” who finds it a bit humourous that Sir Maxxum is touting his business as usual mantra by seeking refuge in the desert oasis of Jordan, having accepted Prince Feisal Al Hussein’s invitation for the WRC event. Perhaps Al Husseinhas offered him to partake in a spirited round of Whack-em-mo-ball, a sport curiously akin to Polo and Cricket I’m told. Or if the heats too much for MAD MAX, perhaps he can cool off with a nice glass of ice tea while settling down to a pleasant game of tiddlie-winks with some of the Prince’s Desert Rose’s, eh?

Psst, Sir Maxxum… Did you see the Wind Tunnel interview with one of your closest allies, Paul Stoddart… It was a great interview saying how he’d be happy to come back into Formula 1 as soon as your head has been served up on a platter and how anybody else would have done the sensible thing and RESIGNED by now. But Mosley ain’t going anywhere soon, decreeing that he’d like to finish out his term and stay in office until 2009 before moving onto greener pastures. Wonder if Sir Maxxum will be popping up at the Hockenheimring this summer…

Bahrain Sand Dunes

I’d have to say that with the continuing Maxxum-gate and the St. Pete Indy Car race, my thoughts have been wandering like the shifting sands of the Bahrain Kingdom, which still amazes me that the entire Island nation is smaller than the square footage of the neighboring Saudi Arabia airport…

Thus I found Friday’s practice session to be fairly non-descript, besides the re-hashing of Max Mosley’s Pictionary games. Although I found it a bit funny to hear how Professor Matchett’s ex co-worker (John Wheatley) and crew chief of some guy named Schumacher’s at Benetton had been called before the FIA to explain the rash of Red Bull’s suspension failures and whether or not the chassis were indeed safe?

I also enjoyed hearing Peter Windsor’s recanting of the Williams team fooling the FIA scrutineers over the mirror’s rearward visibility, saying that they’d had an Engineer hooked up to a radio to say yes… As the steward scurried about the rear of the car as Adrian Newey had positioned the mirrors in an outward’s location in favour of aerodynamics vs. driver’s visibility. As this had all come up over DC’s less than complimentary comments over the radio we’d been allowed to hear.

And the comment towards The Krakow Kid (Robert Kubica) deciding to loose six kilos of weight off his rakish thin frame in order to help the BMW Sauber team play with ballast is simply astounding! (6 kilos = 13.23lbs) As I always find this utterly amazing when drivers go to such measures in the vain of ultimate car performance…

Then with 8 minutes to go Lewis Hamilton slid over a kerb and slammed sideways into the tire wall, ripping the front wheel and suspension mounts clean off his chassis, to which the McLaren mechanics would stay at the track until 4:30AM building up a new vehicle, as the FIA has STUPIDLY Banned the use of spare chassis this season. Although the teams are allowed to bring spare monocoque’s (tubs) they’re not allowed to be built-up units and thus the McLaren boys worked late into the night building up a new chassis for Hamilton as he’d tweaked the sensitive bonded suspension pick-up points into disrepair, as well as both Louise’s and Heikki’s cars having issues with their transmissions… Ah, the life of an F1 mechanic, eh?

Yet the only surprise of Q1 Qualifying was the Hamburgular outpacing his teammate, the German hot schue Sebastian Vettel, as Sea Bass’s 9th time held up for P16 as the runners completed their flying laps, thus Bourdais made his way forward into Q2, out qualifying Vettel for the first time this season.

And the usual suspects made their way forwards from Q2 into the final Q3 Qualie session, although it was “Jense’s” first time this far up the grid in quite some time.

And I don’t know about you, but I really enjoy the camaraderie that the Three Amigos in the SPEED TV Formula 1 broadcast booth have developed, as Bob Varsha and David Hobbs have been friend and broadcasting colleagues for several years, thus I broke into laughter when Hobbo claimed that ‘Ol Phil Massa was lurking like a Spectre over Louise’s shoulder towards the final Qualie session… Which caused Varsha to chide the elder Hobb’s: NO more coffee for you. (Sunshine)

As although Massa had been blindingly quick the whole qualifying session, he was pipped by Kubica at the very end of the session by less than three one-hundred’s of a second, which gave both the Krakow Kid and BMW Sauber their very first Pole position, which of course caused Varsha to make the requisite Pole on Pole jokes…

Although it was later revealed that it was the very first time in Sauber’s 15yrs as a Constructor and the first time that a new team and driver had garnered the honours since Rubens Barrichello scored the REAL EJ’s (Eddie Jordan) first Pole in 1994.

Thus the grid formed up with Kubica on Pole, Massa in P2, with Hamilton third with the Iceman Kimi alongside in fourth. Row three saw Heikki ahead of Quick Nick in the second BMW Sauber. Row four was an all Toyota engine affair with Toyota’s Trulli “Scrumptious joined by Williams Nico Rosberg, with Jense’s Honda lining up in P9 with the affable Spaniard Alonso slotted in tenth.

Yet Kubica’s moment in the spotlights was soon finished, as Phil Massa sprang like a champagne cork and took the lead, immediately screaming off into the distance on the first of his many hot laps. But the commotion of lap one fell to Hamilton’s unusual lack of pace as the lights went green, dropping from P3 all the way back to tenth, even worse, being stuck behind his favourite dancing partner… Some dude named Fredrico Suave… Who I believe gave the young Louise a patented Ferdi (Hi) Jink as we witnessed Hamilton clouting into the rear of Alonso’s slower Renault which demolished Lewis’s front nose and effectively ruined his race…

After these shenanigans settled down and Professor Matchett pointed out the large chunk of rear wing missing from Ferdi’s rear wing… The race settled down into somewhat procession-like running, although there was an entertaining dust-up between Button and DC. And the comments about DC’s mirrors of course came into the fray as well as Jense not having too far to drive as he’s taken up residence in the Bahrain Kingdom something to do with not having to pay taxes… Although it seems a bit galling to think that this little Island can successfully host a GP with a maximum attendance of 34,000 spectators, while Tony’s ‘lil Sandbox isn’t good enough for Emperor Bernardo…

And speaking of Coulthard, he earned the word of the week, when describing kerb hopping as; Kerb Strike.

Thus as the Ferrari boyzs traded fastest laps and drove off into the sunset, the BMW Sauber teammates were left to scrum over the final podium position, which Kubica held onto, while Massa redeemed himself with the Italian press by convincingly winning over Raikkonen.

Kimi’s second place finish propelled him into the championship points lead while Hamilton’s 13th place finish. (His career worst) dropped him to third in the standings, while Kubica’s podium coupled with Heidfeld’s fourth place sees BMW Sauber take the Constructor’s points lead by one point over the Scuderia, who lead McLaren by a further one point, as we’ll now have a three week break for everyone to get rested up before the European season kicks-off in Barcelona…


Driver’s Point Standings
K. Raikkonen 19
N. Heidfeld 16
L. Hamilton 14
R. Kubica 14
H. Kovalainen 14


Constructors Points Standings
BMW Sauber 30
Ferrari 29
McLaren 28

Jimmy Clark

While we all prattle on about Sir Maxxum’s promiscuity…

Sadly, today marks the 40th Anniversary of one of Formula 1’s greatest driver’s death, as Jimmy Clark perished in a non-championship F2 race at Hockenheim this very day four decades ago…

Singapore tests lighting

This interesting article about continuing preparations in Singapore while busily working away to get ready for the very first Formula 1 race held at nighttime was sent to me courtesy of Arizona Bureau Chief Mary Jane and you may wish to check it out…

Singapore testing Formula 1 lighting system

Schuey to help spend Dennis’s money

Interestingly Michael Schumacher has been appointed as part of the F1 working group that will oversee the dispensing of the $60 million penalty that McLaren will pay to the FIA in regards to last year’s Stepney-gate spy scandal…

FIA changing Qualifying again

In regards to the shenanigans of the McLaren F1 drivers Heikki ‘N Louise messing up Quick Nick’s and Fredrico Suave’s final flying lap in Q3 qualifying at Malaysia, the FIA has announced that it will indeed require all drivers to return to the pit lane on their slow down lap at a specified speed, which will be announced prior to qualifying. Look for something like a 120% lap time equivalent required for drivers trying to save fuel on their way back to Parc Ferme after the chequered flag has been waved for final qualifying, beginning this weekend at Bahrain…

Is Louise human after all?

Ok, so I know some of Lewis Hamilton’s maladies in Koala Lumpar were beyond his control, nevertheless his five place grid spot penalty in qualifying dropped him to his lowest starting position since Germany last year when he crashed heavily into the tyre barriers…

Rushing up to fifth place, Hamilton was basically unable to get around the notoriously hard to pass Mark Webber and subsequently grained his tires trying to do so. Then a messy 18+ second pit stop caused by an un-cooperating front wheel spat assembly dropped him even further down the order.

Hamilton did indeed go further on his second stint due to the heavier amount of petrol aboard his mount and the usual superb McLaren pit-stop enabled him to shuffle ahead of the most irksome Aussie, leaving him free to nip at the heels of Jarno Tulli’s reborn Toyota. Although “Jaguar” got very close to the Italian who was chasing his first podium in his last 50 starts, the two drivers remained stationary to the flag.

So, with two rounds gone, I know it’s way too early to make any predictions about who’ll be the 2008 World Champion, although may I suggest that Hamilton and Raikkonen seem to have that air of superiority in their step, especially when being interviewed. And I’ll give the Krakow Kid the nod for third over Felipe Massa, with Nick Heidfeld leading the rest of the grid in driver’s standings, although Heikki Kovalainen may be quick to disagree with me, eh?

While I’ll be happy with either Hamilton or Raikkonen winning the title, I’d prefer to see the Iceman claim his second crown so he could join the very distinguished list of two time consecutive World Champions…

Malaysia madness

OOPS! In all of my excitement of watching and reflecting upon the Australian GP, I forgot to watch the Friday free practice session aired late Thursday evening on SPEED. Not to mention NOT being able to figure out why the recording machine wouldn’t tape the qualifying and race episodes… Oh SHEISA!!! That’s right, the VCR is screwed ‘cause Daylight $avings time has been modified! Fortunately I was able to watch the Qualie session “live” and the re-broadcasted race while y’all were busy searchin’ for Easter eggs…

And there didn’t seem to be too much news, although Peter Winsor noted that the main Talking Point in the garage was the FIA deciding to put Red Bull on notice over the disintegrating suspension failures that David Coulthard has endured over the past two weeks.

Winsor noted that a McLaren design employee who’d remain nameless had scoffed that they used to add 25% more material to all of Adrian Newey’s designs (when he wasn’t around) to ensure chassis reliability… Yet the FIA has painted itself into somewhat of a corner, having previously deemed the RB4 crash worthy upon it’s passing of the current regulations, as there’s currently no structural integrity tests required for suspension components.

And Winsor noted that it was indeed blistering on the grid as the 90+ degrees, 85% humidity had him sweating profusely, while the drivers seemed to not be too bothered by the oppressive heat.

And in a reversal of fortunes, the Prancing Horse managed to lock-up the front row with Felipe Massa scoring his tenth career pole position with teammate Kimi Raikkonen alongside. Originally McLaren’s Heikki Kovalainen and Lewis Hamilton had secured the grid places of third and fourth, but the stewards deemed them to have both been on the racing line on their cool down laps while we watched Nick Heidfeld trying to get around them on a last lap flyer… Along with Fredrico Suave, thus both McLaren drivers were docked five grid positions for their indiscretions...

This elevated Truly Scrumptious (Jarno Truly) to third with The Krakow Kid (Kubica) alongside in fourth. Quick Nick (Heidfeld) who’s been slightly outperformed by his teammate lined up P5 with Mark “Dundee” Weber lining up sixth. And isn’t it funny how some Putz named Alonso cannot manage to get away from the McLarens… As Ferdi was in P7 alongside Renault refugee Kovalainen, while Hamilton was joined by Timo Glock on row five.

Nelson Nelson managed to improve his qualifying pace, lining up in 12th, while the Hamburgular wasn’t having such a good time in the oppressive heat of Kuala Lumpar, as Bourdais suffered a brake failure, an engine change, along with being fined over $6,000 for two pit lane speeding tickets.

As the lights turned green, Felipe Massa performed some Herr Schumacher surgery on the Iceman at the start of the race to keep the lead, while not too many fireworks occurred behind the red cars scrum, “Louise Jaguar” (Hamilton) managed to work his way up to fifth behind Mark Webber’s Red Bull chassis.

And I enjoyed the House of Winsor’s cynical comment about how perhaps the young Louise was simply awaiting a brake explosion or suspension failure from the Red Bull car and didn’t wish to get to close to the reportedly hard to pass Aussie… While Massa and Raikkonen traded fast laps while pulling away from the field.

Then the dreaded announcer’s curse was bestowed upon the young Brazilian, as David Hobbs stated that the Ferrari’s absolutely had the field spotted, Massa pirouetted off into the sand trap and beached himself while trying to keep pace with The Iceman, who’d gotten around Felipe during the first round of pit stops. Raikkonen had just blistered the field with a 1:36.1 lap with new second place runner Kubica managing a 1:37.6!

From thereon out, Kimi cruised home to his 16th career victory, coming on the fifth anniversary of his very first Formula 1 win at the same venue. Kubica took second with Kovalainen claiming the final podium position. Jarno Truly came home an impressive fourth ahead of Hamilton…


Driver standings
Hamilton 14
Heidfeld 11
Raikkonen 11
Kovalainen 10
Kubica 8

Thunder Down Under

CRIKEYS MATES!!!

That seems to be about the only thing I can think of that appropriately sum’s up the 2008 Formula 1 season opening race just held in the Land of Oz!


Friday practice notes
The Boyzs are Back
The Boyzs are Back…

Now it must “Trulli” be Spring as the SPEED TV gang is back once again to bring us the magnificent sights ‘N sounds of Formula 1! And although they’re not quite the boys of summer, I’ll take the Quartet of Bob Varsha, David Hobbs, Steve Matchett and Peter Winsor ANY day OVER the chalkboard high pitched noise machine affectionately known as the RASSCAR RAT PACK! (Mr. Boogity; DW, Larry Mac ‘N Cheese, Jeffery Arm & Hammond, Kenny “The Beaver” Wallace and Jimmy Mr. Goodbar Spencer)

Vijay Malia’s massive cash infusion into the new & improved Force India F1 team has the squad so enthused, that Chief Technical Officer Mike Gascoyne has brashly stated that if the VJ-M01 isn’t vastly up the grid by the season’s third quarter mark, then he should be fired! Careful of what you wish for MATE! Then again he’s pretty proficient at “Gardening Leave,” eh? Ah, don’t uze just lov’s the smell ‘O enthusiasm? Kinda like those new car deodorants you hang around your car mirror as the beginning of a new season bubbles over with optimism…

My very favourite Pit Reporter (Peter Winsor) was his usual krack-up-self, while interviewing Renault head designer Bob Bell, saying c’mon Bob when are you gonna win? To which Bell replied if they don’t get cracking this season then he’ll probably need to borrow Messer Gascoyne’s seeking employment want ads. And while discussing his much beloved adaptation of the SECU, Winsor rhetorically asked; do you mean drivers may actually have to de-clutch once again?

Winsor’s next target of affection was Honda test driver Alex Wurz, as a good bit of shtick was dolled out over Wurz’s needing to wear sunglasses while missing out on the Honda bloomer’s…

To which Varsha quickly quipped; Honda’s green-green shorts would get his vote as Team Schrek!

And speaking of bloomers, from the Varsha WAY TOO MUCH INFO files came the tidbits of David Coulthard’s shopping junket Down Under, claiming that DC has a penchant for buying up to forty pairs ‘O boxers, size small… To which quickly deteriorated into a bad skit by “Hobbo” over seeing Flavor Flav in a pair ‘O briefs while pooh-pooh-ing Briatore’s impending wedding to Victoria Secret supermodel Deanna Miller…

To which Matchett tried to awkwardly segway into much more serious techno-babble over the miniscule ride height adjustments the teams were currently making in the garages. Yet it is amazing how mechanics are constantly at work shimming the suspensions between half and one millimeter which makes crucial aerodynamic changes. Professor Matchett proclaimed that half of a millimeter is approximately the thickness of a hard back novel’s page… While the teams will need to add shimming to raise the chassis in proportion to the amount of fuel added, as the extra weight actually forces the chassis downwards.

Matchett also commented on the BMW Sauber’s front nose treatment by naming it the Bullwinkle treatment, in regards to the addition of the Viking style appendages that first adorned McLaren’s air box a few seasons ago, by placing a smaller pair of protrusions over the front suspension uprights.

There also seemed to be some confusion over the 2008 rules as Varsha noted that there’s NO spare car this year, although I heard it mentioned that somebody was in their team’s spare chassis for the race. And leave it to the WMSC to make the rules as clear as mud on a rainy day… As although Varsha is theoretically correct, the rules state that teams are allowed only two complete chassis at any given time, yet one may build up a new car as long as the engine and transmission along with all of the other nefarious FIA sealed bits remain intact in the changeover. Although I do NOT like this new rule as there is simply NOT enough flexibility to ensure a “Full” grid of 22 chassis. Nevertheless I suppose this rule was concocted under the aspics of MAD Max’s beloved cost cutting measures, while really trying to persuade drivers from committing any further Senna-Prost intentional crashing shenanigans.

I was also unaware that if you change your transmission prior to its mandatory four race weekend’s duty cycle you will receive a five grid spot penalty, a la premature engine changes, although this year teams are granted a “Mulligan” on the draconian 10 grid spot penalty. And while engine design has been frozen thru 2010, the manufactures are required to run 5.75% biomass fuel content this season as the FIA sheepishly tries to turn green, also having cut the Q3 fuel burning segment.

And I’d also not heard about the 2009 rules changes which will see a massive 50% reduction in aerodynamics, which will see the deletion of many of the countless winglets, flip-ups and aerodynamic aids…

Varsha also proclaimed that Renault new boy Nelson Piquet Jr was no longer wishing to be known as Junior or Senior and apparently will go by the nickname Nelson Nelson… As there will be NO more Junior biz.


Saturday Qualie-Quips
Some of you may already know about the newly revised Qualifying format, which thankfully sees the deletion of the Q3 fuel burning phase… (Note to Tony George, way to go on ADDING laps to Oval qualifying this season) Thus last years three segments of 15-15-15 minutes has been revised to Q1: 20minutes; Q2: 15 and Q3: 10, while all of the other previous rules still apply, i.e.; laps started prior to the checkered flag count and race fuel loads for the top ten must be in the tanks prior to the beginning of Q3, with positions 11-22 being allowed to re-adjust their fuel ballast up to 90 minutes prior to the green flag.

I’d say that the biggest disappointment of Q1 had to be Nelson Nelson not being able to haul his way up to P16, being relegated to a 21st starting position. Hmm? Hey Flavio, now what do you think about making Heikki walk the plank.

And speaking of Renault, reportedly the “Reggie” is paying Fernando Alonso $46 million per season to drive the Bleu machines, while the rumours of Ferrari driver shuffles has once again been wound-up, with German Hot Schue Sebastian Vettel’s name also being cast about. Oh crap, here we go again! And it’s NOT even anywhere’s near the official start of Silly Season, SHEISA!

And what in the HELL happened to the Kimster in Q2? As apparently Raikkonen had a fuel pressure problem, to which The House of Winsor immediately jumped on by proclaiming he was putting his cynical cap on… To which Varsha chided, Who, You? What me worry? While Peter went into his bad Italian accent, quickly proclaiming that it OBVIOUSLY had something to do with the McLaren/Microsof Common ECU control unit…

And Ferdi the Putz was uncharacteristically out of the top ten for only the second time since 2006, while Homeboy Mark Webber was bitterly disappointed to have suffered a front brake disc explosion, as I had a moment of brilliance upon nicknaming Robert Kubica as “The Krakow Kid” upon Varsha’s repeated comments of the Pole’s residence.

So it was a somewhat jumbled starting grid with Lewis Hamilton gaining his seventh pole, followed by Kubica. Kovalainen lined up third with Felipe Massa in fourth while Kimi was forced to settle for 15th. Quick Nick Heidfeld was 5th with Toyota’s Jarno Trulli in 6th. Row Four was filled by Nico Rosberg and David Coulthard, while Timo Glock slotted into P9 and Vettel rounded out the top ten…


Sunday Race notes
”Sunday driver NEVER took a test, out in the wild, wild, west!”

I’m NOT even gonna try to rehash the massive carnage of the race as there were simply too many incidents to cover, from Jarno Trulli’s “Hot Bot,” due to an exploding battery. The antics of Drivers being Drivers by having a multiple car melee on the first lap after the winter’s break… The Iceman loosing his cool by slithering off track twice; “The Krakow Kid’s” untimely undoing behind the safety car by Nakajima, along with poor ‘Ol Rubinoe’s fueling rig schumozzle… Aye Karumba!

As Professor Matchett was “Johnny-on-the-spot” catching Barrichello’s red light running, of which he was correctly DQ’ed one hour after the race, which means that the Australian GP saw only six classified runners at the chequered flag, tying the lowest number since the 2005 USGP Michelin Tyre debacle!

Yet in the end it was business as usual for Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton who thoroughly dominated the race, with Quick Nick and Nico on the podium. It was genuinely nice to see Hamilton hug his karting buddy Rosberg in congratulation’s of scoring his first F1 career podium, as Lewis eluded to during the post race interview it was the first time in eight years they’d shared a podium since their go karting days…

Word of the Week
“

El Twich-Oe”

Or as David Hobbs proclaimed meant extremely twitchy in El Spanol, while watching Fredrico Suave cutting a rug with the underperforming Renault R28, as I’m still not exactly sure what’s up with all of this talk about Ferdi’s differential giving him grief, as I thought it was Heikki Kovalainen in the McLaren…

Best “Dust Up”
Of the weekend has to go to the scrap between Fredrico and Heikki as Messer Hobbs duly noted that Alonso would be most desperate to keep the McLaren of Finnish new boy Heikke behind him, as the Ronster was forced to wipe the smile off of his mug after Kovalainen’s late race pass for fourth place was gifted back to the Spaniard upon Heikke inadvertently hitting the pit lane speed limiter…

Yet Alonso’s fourth place should have gone to the Hamburgular (Sebastian Bourdais) whose Ferrari lump went KUH-BLAMOE! With only two laps remaining, as I find it most odd to be suddenly rooting for the former Champ Car champ-pee-on! Yet he managed to avoid trouble and was leading the two time World Champion and Heikke’s McLaren in the closing laps before the McLaren boffins cut the spark to the 2.4 liter Ferrari V-8!

And it was so nice to NOT have to listen to Fredrico in the post race interviews!

Parade Lap

FORMULA 1 THIS WEEKEND ON SPEED!

HOT DAMM! Time to put away the snow shoes, log off of ze internets and settle down for a long weekend of staring at the telie…

Can you believe that its time to kick off another Formula 1 season? And I must say that this year should be quite good with what appears to be more teams potentially trading places upon the top podium step.

Once again, I’ve spent the whole winter reading various pundits’ predictions of who’ll be the driver/chassis to beat. Yet, I’ve tried to purposely stay unmoved over the weekly scribbling's of the Winter Olympics. (Phrase used for describing the antics of teams manipulating the F1’s winter testing time sheets)

But, it does indeed appear that the Ferrari’s look blazingly quick once again along with the McLaren’s. Williams, BMW-Sauber’s and Renault’s who’ve all spent time at the front of the pack. Although I’d expect this year to be even more of a Donnybrook between the top level teams, while the verdict is still out on Honda, whose cars have continued to pound around near the tail end of the winter time sheets, although both Jense and Rubinoe claim the car much more easier to drive vs. last year’s dud. And Williams continues to outshine its factory backed Big Brother Toyota.

Red Bull racing also hopes to have solved its chassis reliability problems with this year’s RB4 while its little sister Scuderia Toro Rosso has spent considerable time running towards the mid-pack with its Sebastian brothers driver pairing.

Super Aguri is definitely the largest unknown quantity this season with its lack of winter testing while trying to find sponsorship and having only run it’s 2008 challenger sparingly.

My personal favourite for “Underdog of the Year” is still the Spyker F1, Err, Force India Team F1, as it appears that the team is finally pointed in the right direction after its latest ownership change and the massive infusion of cash from Vijay Malia.

Yet, ironically this will be the first time in eons that I will be somewhere else instead of firmly affixed before the boob tube on the opening weekend of Formula 1…

While in Japan, my good friend Yutaka noted that since I’m now rooting for nearly half of the grid. Perhaps this is a signal that my enthusiasm for F1 is waning?

Yet, I’m still hoping that “Jense” will pull a rabbit out of his crash helmet? Can “Fishy-fella” miraculously score India’s first Grand Prix win? Or witch of the Scuderia Marlboro brothers will win this time in Oz?

Will Quick Nick get out pipped by the speedy “Pole or finally give BMW their first victory as an F1 Constructor? Or will Fredrico Suave return Flavour Flav back to the winner’s circle? And having gone against my sentimental choice of The Iceman last year and wrongly predicting Felipe Massa as the victor “Down Under,” I’ll skip trying to figure out this year’s winner… As long as it’s ANYBODY BESIDES Ferdi the Putz! (Alonso!)

2008 F1 Preview

Melbourne; March 16, 2008
Whale, it’s that time again, time to kick off another groovy season of Formula 1, as the yearly “Winter Olympics” months of plodding of countless kilometers by various test drivers will now cease, handing over the reigns to the teams racing drivers in order to begin another championship season…

And DON’T be fooled by McLaren being chronicled at the bottom of the grid, taking up the tail gunner position is just part of Ron Denis’s “Double Secret Probation” for his beloved Woking based squad’s Stepney-gate shenanigans.

With that being said, let’s take a gander at this season’s current pecking order while the F1 circus wings its way towards Melbourne.

Let’s get ready to rumble!


(1) Scuderia Marlboro Ferrari
With no major changes to announce, the Prancing Horse has spent the winter months consistently at the top of the winter Olympics time sheets and therefore shouldn’t be a surprise to once again challenge for both FIA Championships. Will Kimi repeat, or will Felipe take his turn as World Champion?

(Chassis/Engine/Car No. /Drivers)
F2008/Ferrari 056B
1. Kimi Raikkonen
2. Felipe Massa
Test Driver(s)
Luca Badoer
Marc Gene


(2) Team BMW Sauber F1 Team
While the BMW Sauber racing driver line-up stays unchanged, the team has added new testers Christian Klien and Marko Asmer
, with Klien filling the role of Test & Reserve driver. The F1.08 is claimed to be a radical evolution of last season’s challenger and there have been reports of the new car having some teething problems. Yet, Robert Kubica has claimed these have been ironed out and the car has been towards the top half of the winter time sheets.

F1.08/BMW P86/8
3. Nick Heidfeld
4. Robert Kubica
Test Driver(s)
Christian Klien
Marko Asmer


(3) ING Renault F1 Team
Disappointed with last year’s results, team boss Flavio Briatore took this frustration out upon the driver pairing of Fishy-fella and Rookie Heikki Kovalinen by duly replacing them with Fernando Alonso and test driver Nelson Piquet Jr, in hopes of elevating the team back to championship status.

Surprisingly, the team has taken on three testers with the announcement of Sakon Yamamoto’s addition to the team, which some F1 pundits see solely as a revenue stream. Yamamoto will feature primarily in the Renault F1 road show while Romain Grosjean and Lucas di Grassi will do the bulk of testing, with all three taking part in the 2008 GP2 championship.


R28/Renault R27B
5. Fernando Alonso
6. R-Nelson A. Piquet (Jr.)
Test Driver(s)
Romain Grosjean
Lucas di Grassi
Sakon Yamamoto


(4) AT & T Williams F1
The AT & T Williams team has been quiet over the winter, eschewing the glitz ‘N glamour of a launch party, in favour of celebrating its 30th anniversary as an F1 constructor with multiple celebratory paint schemes. Reportedly Sir Frank has sold a one third stake in his company to an Icelandic investment company, the Baugur Group, which should see a major infusion of capital invested into the team.

Nico Rosberg returns for his third season and is always a threat for points paying positions, while rookie Kazuki Nakajima is still an unknown quantity. “Kazu” brings free Toyota “lumps” to Grove, while reigning A1 GP champion Nicolas Hülkenberg joins the team alongside Narain Karthikeyan for testing duties.

FW30/Toyota RVX-08
7. Nico Rosberg
8. R-Kazuki Nakajima
Test Driver(s)
Nicolas Hülkenberg
Narain Karthikeyan


(5) Red Bull Racing
Perhaps Red Bull will poor some of its vaunted energy drink into it’s recalcitrant seamless shift gearbox’s, as Adrian Newwy seeks some much needed reliability for his latest creation, the RB4.

The team has remained stable over the winter with no major additions besides new test driver Sebastian Buemi and F1’s “Grey Beard” David Coulthard has teased us with some Winter qualie light tanks running.

RB4/Renault R27B
9. David Coulthard
10. Mark Webber
Test Driver
Sebastian Buemi


(6) Panasonic Toyota
This team continues to disappoint, as the Japanese giant seems to focus more upon its NASCAR operation then its F1 efforts, having given the Colone based squad two more seasons to shape up or ship out.

Not surprisingly, Toyota elected not to continue on with grossly overpaid Ralf Schumacher and has signed another German “Hot Schue” to take his place, the reigning GP2 champion Timo Glock. Glock previously drove for Jordan Grand Prix and has also won rookie of the year honours in Champ Car. The team has also hired Kamui Kobayashi as it’s test driver.

TF108/Toyota RVX-08
11. Jarno Trulli
12. Timo Glock
Test Driver
Kamui Kobayashi


(7) Scuderia Toro Rosso
Now known affectionately as “Team Sebastian,” Scuderia Toro Rosso looks set to move up the grid this season as reigning four time consecutive Champ Car champion Sebastian Bourdais has finally gotten his chance in F1 and looks set to nip at promising German “Hot Schue” Sebastian Vettel.

Apparently the team plans to begin the season with an updated version of last year’s chassis, the STR-02, but I’d expect the team to eventually graduate to a new STR-03 platform before the season finishes.

STR-02B/STR-03/Ferrari 056B
14. R-Sebastian Bourdais
15. Sebastian Vettel
Test Driver
TBA


(8) Honda Racing F1 Team
Without a doubt, Honda was the biggest disappointment of last season, as its “Earth Friendly” liveried RA107 chassis was overly sensitive to aerodynamics.

The biggest move forwards for Honda was the signing late last season of Ross Brawn as the team’s new Technical Director, which Honda is expecting Ross to be able to sprinkle some of his Scuderia Marlboro magic upon the woefully underperforming Brackley based squad.

While the race driver line-up remains unchanged, with Jenson Button hoping that 2007 was just a bad dream, Rubens Barrichello is set to make history by eclipsing Ricardo Patrese’s all time start record this season. And although SPEED’s Peter Winsor wished him salutations upon his F1 retirement at last season’s Japanese Grand Prix, Alex Wurz has been lured to remain on the grid, albeit as Honda’s test and reserve driver. Wurz will share testing duties with new recruit Luca Filippi, onew of the many GP2 drivers masquerading as future F1 pilots. Yet, Filippi hopes to be the next Italian to become a Formula 1 star, as his country has been devoid of Italian pilotes since Gergio Pantano’s aborted Jordan Grand Prix drive.


RA108/Honda RA808E
16. Jenson Button
17. Rubens Barrichello
Test Driver(s)
Alex Wurz
Luca Filippi


(9) Super Aguri F1 Team
Super Aguri has spent the winter in crisis mode as Aguri Suzuki’s Honda backed satellite squad is currently suffering huge financial difficulties, although the team was set up in order to keep Japanese driver Takuma Sato in F1 after a massive outcry from his adoring Japanese fans, Honda is reluctant to keep footing the bills.

Thus Super Aguri has hardly done any testing this off season, although the new SA08 is FIA certified, Taku-sun and Anthony Davidson (hoping to retain his drive) will definitely be in a catch-up mode for the majority of the season.

SA08/Honda RA808E
18. Takuma Sato
19. Anthony Davidson
Test Driver
TBA


(10) Force India Formula 1 Team
Hopefully the team will not have to endure any further ownership changes for the foreseeable future, as the team has now changed names (Hands) four times in the last four seasons. Yet with Ecclestone’s burning desire to crack the third most populist nation with the upcoming Indian Grand Prix and Billionaire tycoon Vijay Malia’s hefty infusion of cash poured into the Dyke of the little Dutch team, Force India’s future looks bright.

While the team will begin with a warmed over Spyker F8VII brought up to 2008 F1 regulations, having been renamed the VJM01 in deference to the new owner, reports claim that the team is now currently occupying time in three wind tunnels. And Force India will look towards senior driver Giancarlo Fisichella to instill some much needed honing of race craft for sophomore talent Adrian Sutil.
Vitantonio Liuzzi has drank the last of his Red Bull energy drinks and seems most inspired to be testing for the Indian team, hopefully awaiting Fishy-fella’s impending retirement, while Roldán Rodriguez and Giedo van der Garde will see limited testing duties.

VJM01/Ferrari 056B
20. Adrian Sutil
21. Giancarlo Fisichella
Test Driver(s)
Vitantonio Liuzzi
Roldán Rodriguez
Giedo van der Garde


Although not representative of Vodafone’ McLaren’s true placing upon the grid, nevertheless The Ronster’s team will sport very unusual car numbers upon the pointy three star noses of its 2008 challengers as part of their punishment over their involvement in Stepney-gate.

The biggest change in the team is the arrival of Finnish driver Heikki Kovalainen who’s replaced the troublesome Spaniard, Fredrico Suave, a.k.a. Fred Alonso… As we all know how the rivalry between Ferdi the Putz and Louise “Jaguar” Hamilton went down last season. Otherwise the team looks to have stayed intact, minus a few Spanish sponsors jumping ship to follow Fredrico home to the Reggie.

MP4/23/Mercedes FA108V
22. Lewis Hamilton
23. Heikki Kovalainen
Test Driver(s)
Pedro de la Rosa
Gary Paffett

F1 wraps up testing

In all of the excitement bubbling over merger fever, as I’ve been distracted by all of the numerous press conferences, news stories and fellow blogger’s outtake on the Tony & Kevin show…I’ve just realized that the Formula 1 circus has just completed their final winter test, prior to packing their freight in order to be shipped Down Under for the 2008 season opener in just over a fortnight from now.

While Ferrari and McLaren have consistently traded hot laps, the final day’s honours surprisingly went to Toyota’s Jarno Trulli, besting DC by a whisker. Coulthard had sat out the second day of testing after pinching a nerve in his neck, yet both teams were running their latest spec aero packages which allowed both drivers to find unknown quantities of speed upon doing light tanks qualie mode flier’s.

Nico Rosberg claimed the third quickest time, as the Williams/Toyota pairing of Nico and rookie Kazuki Nakajima has consistently run towards the top of the time sheets.

While apparently the news surrounding McLaren scuttlebutt lately has focused more upon their off track activities, with the Lewis Hamilton taunting issue in Spain and rumours that Ron Dennis could be leaving the team after Australia while Italian authorities visited the homes of several personnel as they continue their Stepney-gate witch hunt. Yet Heikki Kovalainen managed to finish fourth while Hamilton led the previous days running’s with DC’s teammate Mark Webber filling out the day’s top five runners.

After Giancarlo Fisichella teased us with a scintillating seventh fastest lap on Tuesday, Fishy-fella’s VJM01 settled back down to its proper grid position in 12th.

The Ferrari’s had an odd day out, with Felipe Massa logging the fewest laps of the day, while teammate Kimi Raikkonen also made a precautionary stop a la Massa, with both driver’s uncharacteristically finishing down the order, while arch nemesis Fernando Alonso logged the most laps of the day with 128, yet finished up behind rookie teammate Nelson Piquet Jr in 7th.

And both of the BMW Sauber’s seemed a bit off of the pace, while Honda continues to take up the tail gunner Charlie position, although the team will do a private test next week with a completely new aerodynamic package before sending it’s cars off to OZ, where hopefully Super Aguri will finally join the party!

Yet, looking thru the test times, makes me wonder if the Heavy Hitters, i.e.; Ferrari, BMW Sauber, Renault and McLaren were all focusing upon full tank race set-ups and letting the others temporarily flatter us with seeing their names adorn the top of the time sheets. We’ll soon find out as Melbourne is just around the corner…

Wednesday’s Barcelona test times:
Pos Driver Team Time Laps
1. Trulli, Toyota, 1:20.801, 83
2. Coulthard, Red Bull-Renault, 1:21.258, 76
3. Rosberg, Williams-Toyota, 1:21.293, 77
4. Kovalainen, McLaren-Mercedes, 1:21.309, 87
5. Webber, Red Bull-Renault, 1:21.368, 91
6. Piquet Renault, 1:21.443, 114
7. Alonso, Renault, 1:21.454, 128
8. Nakajima, Williams-Toyota, 1:21.796, 124
9. Raikkonen, Ferrari, 1:21.933, 80
10. Hamilton, McLaren-Mercedes, 1:22.011, 88
11. Glock, Toyota, 1:22.155, 49
12. Fisichella, Force India-Ferrari, 1:22.233, 90
13. Massa, Ferrari, 1:22.286, 49
14. Kubica, BMW Sauber, 1:22.299, 93
15. Bourdais, Toro Rosso-Ferrari, 1:22.465, 79
16. Sutil, Force India-Ferrari, 1:22.521, 97
17. Heidfeld, BMW Sauber, 1:22.624, 61
18. Wurz, Honda, 1:24.154, 82
19. Button, Honda, 1:24.275, 73

Olli Olli Umcoom Free?

With the just concluded launching of the Force India VJM01, , there are now only two teams left to launch their respective 2008 challengers; Scuderia Toro Rosso and Super Aguri.

“Team Sebastian” (Toro Rosso) is reputed to be utilizing an updated ’07 STR-02 chassis, ironically designated the STR-02S, as “Super Best Friends” is rumoured to be having financial difficulties and is searching for a potential investor. The team will unveil its 2008 challenger, the SA08 in Spain on February 19th…

F1 continues winter testing

Williams wasn’t the only team busy shaking down their new challenger, as Sir Frank’s squad shared the track with Honda and Renault’s 2008 debutants.

Honda brought its new RA108 to the Valencia test in plain white livery, devoid of any sponsorship, with “Rubinoe” (Rubens Barrichello) shaking down the new chassis.

Meanwhile Fredrico Swauve (Fernando Alonso) gave the Renault R28 its on track baptism, completing nearly forty laps of trouble free running on Day 1 of testing, to which Ferdi the Putz said all of the consilitory new car press speak; “I’m quite happy with the new car, it felt good, blah-blah-blah…”

F1 starts 2008 winter testing

Otay, I’ll try to not whip up the frenzy of the Winter Olympics too much, as one respected news source notes; “it is a little early to reach any startling conclusions about the season ahead.” Especially since not all of the teams have unveiled their 2008 challengers. Nevertheless, here’s a quick recap of the just concluded testing at Jerez. (Jan. 14-16) Suffice it to say, the “Usual Suspects,” i.e.; Ferrari, McLaren, Renault and BMW Sauber were all towards the top of the time sheets, while Honda didn’t take part in the test, along with a token appearance by its little sister Super Aguri…


Ferrari
The Prancing Horse showed up with two of its new F2008 models for defending World Champion Kimi Raikkonen and Felipe Massa. The Iceman was quickest on Day 1, albeit the running was hampered by inclement weather…

BMW Sauber
The team got down to testing with the new F1.08, with the honours of the chassis’s maiden drive going to Robert Kubica in Valencia, Spain, where Kubica said everything felt good on the new cars installation laps.

“Quick Nick” Heidfeld had given a few demonstration laps at BMW Welt, the companies futuristic looking delivery center, before running an F1.07 on Tuesday. Heidfeld tested the new F1.08 on Thursday…

Renault
Although Fernando Alonso topped the time sheets on Day 2 of testing at Jerez, Alonso along with Nelson Piquet Jr. were running last year’s R27 chassis…

Williams
Williams showed up at the test with an interim FW29B for team leader Nico Rosberg, who claimed the fourth quickest time on Day 2 testing, while new boy Kazuki Nakajima was barely ahead of Giancarlo Fisichella’s interim Force India chassis…

Toyota
Toyota had a mixed bag at testing, with a TF107 and TF108 on hand. Jarno Trulli gave the new TF108 its shakedown test, while Timo Glock slithered off track aboard last year’s TF107. Glock then recorded the third day’s fastest time aboard the TF108…

Red Bull
The team began testing with last year’s RB3 chassis, before F1’s “Grey beard” David Coulthard debuted the RB4 on Wednesday. The team has basically run mid-pack during this first test session…

Scuderia Toro Rosso
Running a brace of updated Toro Rosso STR-02’s; Team Sebastian looked competent in testing with both cars running in lock-step behind the quicker Renault, Ferrari, McLaren and Williams…

Super Aguri
Super Best Friends sent test driver James Rossiter to Jerez to run an SA07 on Day 1, but was hampered by the tracks inclement weather. Anthony “ANT” Davidson had a miserable time on Day 3, able to only run 10 laps due to overheating problems, along with the team’s replacement parts being unable to arrive in time for testing. First the aeroplane delivering these was diverted and then the road was closed as a team member tried to retrieve them…

Force India
Somehow in the midst of all of the “Big” car launches, Force India’s unveiling of its interim chassis in new team livery went largely unnoticed, although there is a “launch” webcast available on Youtube. The team began with Luzzi driving in the rain, while Fishy-fella has since taken over the testing duties, running towards the tail end of the grid…

McLaren
McLaren showed up with two new MP/4-23’s and the new chassis didn’t disappoint, as tester Pedro de la Rosa finished second behind Ferdi the Putz on Day 2, while new recruit Heikki Kovalainen ran up front…

FIA unveils 2008 F1 Entry list

So I’d previously posted my thoughts towards what the 2008 Formula 1 Grid would look like in F1 Guess Guesser. And you didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out that Fernando Alonso would not be retained at McLaren for 2008.

With Renault’s anticipated signing of “Ferdi the Putz,” the “Ronster” immediately snapped up the discarded Heikki Kovalainen, while Williams signed “Toyota-Boy” Kazuki Nakajima largely due to his bringing a free supply of Toyota “Lumps.”

This left just Super Aguri and Force India to announce their driver line-ups, with “Super Best Friends” retaining its 2007 duo. Meanwhile, although Force India has finally announced their second driver, it wasn’t a very well kept secret that the nod would go to Giancarlo Fisichella. I’m assuming that Force India is hoping that some of Fishy-fella’s experience can rub off on sophomore Adrian Sutil…

Shanghaied!

Yu Zhifei, the former General Manager of the Shanghai International Circuit has been incarcerated for four years after being caught embezzling $144,000 in order to buy a house. His sentence was reduced as he made a deal upon pleading guilty.

Yu Zhifei, is just one of many city officials currently being investigated for the misuse of Shanghai pension funds, with the city’s top official having been expelled from the Communist Party's powerful Politburo, while awaiting trial…

Its “Showtime!”

The pre-season festivities of the upcoming Formula 1 season began with the launching of Ferrari’s 2008 challenger at Fiorano. Interestingly the press release noted the chassis’s increased weight due to the rules changes imposed for 2008, which center around the new standard electronic control unit. (SECU)

This SECU is mandatory for all teams in 2008 and is the product of McLaren Electronic Systems (MES) and is the heart of the FIA’s reduction of electronic “Driver Aids.”

“These changes to the technical and sporting regulations in terms of electronics, alongside the introduction of the SECU, have led to the removal of a host of driver aids, such as traction control and engine breaking and the electronically assisted starting system, and also mean that management of the differential, engine and gearchange are much simpler.

Other new technical regulation changes for 2008 are: “Gearbox, which must be used for four consecutive events; Safety, with the introduction of higher side protection around the driver's helmet and Materials, with a limit to the type of composites that can be used.”

Thus not only have these myriad of changes caused many teething problems while switching over to the SECU, but chassis weight has increased, although the various team engineers have been working flat out to recouperate these performance losses.

Not surprisingly, Ferrari as well as all other top teams have decided to NOT unveil their true 2008 bodywork, as the nefarious business of “Spy vs. Spy” sees teams loathe to reveal the shape of countless hours spent in the wind tunnels to the opposition. Therefore look for all major teams to sport totally “tweaked” bodywork in Melbourne. As McLaren’s Martin Whitmarsh noted at the McLaren launch; “There’s only 68 working days left ‘til Australia.” (OOPS! Now there’s only 67!)

Launch time

The Formula 1 teams have been busy over the winter holidays, as the various team Elves’ have been putting the finishing touches on their 2008 machinery. At first McLaren was planning to not have any “Pomp ‘N Circumstance” this year with the traditional glitz ‘N glamour of a launch party, but they’ve changed their minds. Meanwhile Williams appears to have taken a powder and will not have a lauch party after all, while I’m not sure what Toro Rosso’s plans are exactly?

Here’s a quick run down on upcoming F1 Team launches:

(Team/Date/Venue)
Ferrari: January 6; Fiorano, Italy
McLaren: January 7; Stuttgart, Germany
Toyota: January 10; Colone, Germany
BMW-Sauber: January 14; Munich, Germany
Red Bull: January 16: Jerez, Spain
Honda: January 29; Brackley, UK
Renault: January 31; Paris, France

Force India: TBA
Super Aguri: TBA
Toro Rosso: TBA
(Will run last year’s STR-02 for the first 3 races?)
Williams: TBA

Bully Boys

In the wake of the World Motor Sport Council’s “NO Decision” against Renault, I find it disturbing that the FIA has filed a libel lawsuit against The Sunday Times in regards to columnist Martin “Billy Bob” Brundles outspokenness in regards to the travesty known as “Spy Gate.”

As Brundle rightly states; He’s given enough blood, sweat ‘N tears as a former Formula 1 driver to be able to give his opinion on the sport.

Apparently “MAD Max,” Emperor Bernardo and the FIA didn’t appreciate the Englishman’s tongue lashing they so rightly deserved in deference to the mockery of their handling over “Stepney-Gate” this past September. Yet “Billy Bob” hasn’t backed down and wrote his rightful opinions the past weekend in regards to the frivolous lawsuit and pathetic handling of Renault’s lack of any penalty…

To read more, See: Brundle makes a Point

Blind Justice

While the bombs have been bursting! And Scott Sharp, “Booby Ruble” (B. Rahal) and the King of Late Night comedy David Letterman have been engaged in spin the bottle charades…

“MAD” Max Mosley, the FIA and the WMSC have been busy their selves with the recent acquittal of Renault, as apparently Flavour Flav has successfully played his Get OUT of Jail Free card…

With Renault being complicit of having broken the FIA’s sporting rule 151C, of which McLaren was previously found guilty of doing and subsequently fined $100 million and stripped of all 2007 Constructor’s points. Surely Renault would face similar draconian penalties having loaded proprietary McLaren technical documents onto its internal computers.

Yet incredulously the WMSC while having found Renault guilty of said offenses (Sporting regulation 151C) has levied ZERO penalties against the French owned team, to which I find absolutely ridiculous! Ok, so Renault & Briatore may have been blustering about walking away from the sport, but c’mon, NO penalty? At the very least Renault should have been stripped of their 2007 Constructor’s points a la McLaren.

As much as I think Ron Dennis & Co. got their just rewards for such Machiavellian doings in regards to Stepney-Gate, one ultimately must declare that the WMSC is being totally UNFAIR in the handing out of punishments of both teams’ offenses.

Adding further insult to injury is the World Motor Sport Council’s decision to keep McLaren on “Double Secret Probation” until Valentine’s Day (2008) while the Reggie is free to go about the business of copying outdated McLaren designs.

As Kojak would say, “Who LUVS yuh Baby?”

2007 Formula 1 review

2007 Formula 1 review

So I still cannot believe that Kimi Raikkonen won the 2007 Driver’s Title! Although as I’ve said before, I’ve been a fan of the “Iceman” since his rookie season in 2001… DAMN! Still can’t find his rookie Sauber card I bought back then. It just seemed like the odds were against him this season, while Lewis Hamilton was poised to become the series very first ever rookie to win the title. Yet Kimi did what he needed to do, by scoring his sixth win of the season in San Paulo…

Taking a page from my favourite Formula 1 “rag” (F1 Racing) here’s a quick look at the “Good, Bad and UGLY” of the 2007 season.

Rookie of the Year

That’s a “Slam Dunk!” Its none other than “Louise Jaguar” Hamilton. (Uh Duh!) Although there were actually five rookies contesting this years championship. (Statistically) Adrian Sutil and Markus Winkelhock, Spyker F1, Heikki Kovalainen, Renault; Sebastian Vettel, BMW Sauber/Scuderia Toro Rosso and “Jaguar.” Hamilton was simply head ‘N shoulders above the rest. After setting a new record for most consecutive podiums and scoring an amazing four victories… Lewis was “That Close” to making history. But then again, that’s why they run the races, eh?

Yet since Hamilton was in clearly superior machinery, should he get the nod, or should one of the less fortunate drivers be selected? As I’d have to suggest that Sebastian Vettel was the true rookie revolation of the season.

Car of the Year

This one is a hard choice for me. If I was going solely by favoritisms, then the Ferrari F2007 would get the nod, as I’m prone to say “immer Ferrari!” And the Scuderia has plenty to give credo to this choice, with its two drivers scoring 9 victories this season.

But “Stepney Gate” not withstanding, Mclaren would have been the clear Constructors winner and hence I’ll obligingly give the MP4/2x the nod!

Driver of the Year

Of course this could and may be argued about for quite some time, as the top four drivers all figure into the equation. For Ferrari we have Kimi Raikkonen and Felipe Massa, while McLaren has Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso.

And while Massa may be the “weakest” of these four drivers, Alonso’s ANTICS both On and OFF track clearly eliminate him from this selection. Therefore its between Hamilton and Raikkonen. And since he won his first World Championship in great style by never giving up… Kimi Raikkonen gets the nod.

Most improved

This one is a hard choice for me. The obvious selection would probably be BMW Sauber, which has just gone about its business since taking a majority stake in Peter Sauber’s ‘lil F1 team. But BMW has fairly large resources to draw from and thus I’ll select another outfit instead.

My sentimental favourite would definitely be the Spyker, err Force India F1 as I really think rookie Adrian Sutil will be one of the sports future stars. And I suppose one could give the nod to Williams for outperforming its “Works” brethren, but my pick is none other than Professor Matchett’s favourite Minnow… Affectionaly known as “Super Best Friends!” As Super Aguri vastly OUTPERFORMED its Big Brother Honda ALL season, only to be bested by the Japanese giant 6-4 in Constructors points at the very end of the season…

Biggest Disappointment

I’d have to say without a doubt it would be the Honda F1 team this season. With such hopes upon unveiling their “Planet Earth” theme, things went into the crapper quickly. Hmm, guess it’s NOT nice to FOOL Mother Nature, eh?

Scandal of the Year

Obviously without a doubt, “Stepney-Gate” has to loom as the worst episode of the F1 circus this season. And I still think it partially has to do with “sour grapes,” as long time Ferrari loyalist Nigel Stepney was feeling discarded by the new “Italian Regime” which has taken over the reigns of the Prancing Horse upon Michael Schumacher’s exitous.

Loser of the Year

I guess it boils down to whom you’re talking about, since Robin Miller would probably vote for Ron Dennis, whom I don’t think is quite as “Squeaky Clean” as he’s painfully tried making us believe.

Yet, my vote is for Fernando Alonso, whom I’ve NOT liked for the past few years now. Ok, he beat Schuey fair ‘N square on track to become the youngest Formula 1 World Champion, but he’s always been a spoil-sport to me… And this year’s shenanigan’s have firmly elevated him to his most deserving moniker; “Ferdi the Putz!” Then again I guess may be he’s got big kahoona’s for trying to Blackmail the Ronster, eh? But Ferdi is a royal Jack Ass…