Veterans Day - 2009

Imagine a time when it all began
In the dying days of a war
A weapon that would settle the score
Whoever found it first would be sure to do their worst
They always had before...

(Song Lyrics” RUSH: Manhattan Project - Power Windows, 1985)

At the south end of the Nagasaki Atomic Bomb Museum’s Park is a giant flowing water fountain. This Fountain of Peace was created four decades ago in 1969 in order to give prayer to all of the people who perished in the second Atom Bomb dropping while vainly searching for water. At the base of the fountain is a black stone plaque with Lines from a poem carved into it. They were written by a girl named Sachiko Yamaguchi, who was nine at the time of the bombing,

It reads:
"I was thirsty beyond endurance. There was something oily on the surface of the water, but I wanted water so badly that I drank it just as it was."

Nagasaki Atom Bomb Park Photos

The New Regime
And thus we American’s celebrate our first Veteran’s Day under the guise of new leadership, as President Barack Obama follows in the nebulous footsteps of George W. Bush, as although we haven’t dropped any Atomic Bombs to date(?) Nevertheless Obama continues Bush’s legacy by continuing to fight two LOSING Wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, while preparing to increase the numbers of troops being sent to fight these USELESS Occupations!

And while I prefer to post my traditional Veteran’s Day’s thoughts which first began in my story Time Stands Still, this year I’m changing tact slightly, as something has been sticking in my craw ever since listening to the STUPID debate on Speed Freaks….

Spindrift
As sun goes down

On the western shore

The wind blows hard from the east

It whips the sand into a flying spindrift

As the sun goes down

On the western shore

It makes me feel uneasy

In the hot dry rasp of the devil winds

Who cares what a fool believes

(And) What am I supposed to say?

(Song Lyrics” RUSH; Spindrift – Snakes & Arrows; 2008)

So the debate in question on Speed Freaks revolved around whether or not Middle East money should be allowed to flow into the NHRA (National Hot Rod Association) and dare (I say it?) to potentially work its way into RASSCAR?

MidEast beyond Cleveland

As this “Hot Button” topic was centered around the fact that Larry Dixon currently drives for Alan Abi Racing in the NHRA’s Top fuel division, while another “Rail Jockey” Hillary Will ran Bahrain sponsorship on the side of her Top Fueler previously…

This comes on top of the current speculation that George Gillett is planning to sell a minority stake in Richard Petty Motorsports (RPM) to Saudi Prince Faisal bin Fahd bin Abdullah al-Saud as part of a package including Ownership in Gillett’s Liverpool Football Club; while reportedly the deal could include running a Richard Petty Driving Experience program at a NASCAR style venue yet to be built in the Desert.

And now speculation suggest that Bruton Smith of Speedway Motorsports Inc. (SMI) is pursuing an alliance with the Emir of Qatar, Sheik Hamad Bin Khalifa al-Thani regarding a massive Motorsports complex similar to SMI’s “Los Wage$” (Las Vegas) 1300 acre site, as Bruton claims a design is already completed and is separate to any of Gillett’s proposed racing venues, in which he hopes to have up to 14 NASCAR-style facilities operating in the future.

Thus business is truly open in the Gulf; along with the black tar spickets being open, the region is now diversifying into Motorsports with the just completed running of the Inaugural Abu Dabi Grand Prix, along with the Bahrain GP (both Formula 1 events) plus the annual MOTO GP night race held in Qatar.

And yet while some RASSCARHEADS are blathering’ on ‘bout how we cannot have ‘dem Saudi’s in our be-LUV-ed Roundy round series, (DAMN! Weeze alreadys gots ‘dem darn Toy-Yoter’s, yuhs here?) As they shouldn’t be allowed to cherry pick the best NHRA Teams and simply buy their way into motor racing…

Yet perhaps current racing teams wouldn’t be force to look outside the box for new financial backers (money streams) if Obama hadn’t just signed a $680 BILLION Pentagon budget into law in order to keep the United States entangled in two utterly USELESS conflicts, eh? As this is just a one year budget for Military spending which doesn’t include the countless Billions approved to fund the Occupations, nor the extra $44b given to Homeland Security, and these are just the reported “Black” budgets; SHEISA!

Since it’s reported that the cost of having just One Soldier for One year in Afghanistan could pay for twenty schools to be built there; so what are we fighting for?

Todt is new FIA President

Unfortunately, but not surprisingly Jean Todt has been elected the new FIA President by a (“Secret-Secret?”) vote of 135-49 vs. rival Ari Vatanen, who as an outsider was fighting an uphill battle… As “Bert ‘N Ernie” (MAD Max ‘N Uncle Bernaughty) along with Herr Schumacher and the FIA constituency who wanted to keep their current jobs all backed the 63yr old Frenchman (Todt) and thus don’t expect too many changes from the WMSC rubber stamping Department…

Hail-Hail the Mighty Snap-oversteer Sofa King

Not exactly sure what to say ‘bout that Mesmerizing Twin rings ‘O Motigi-land… ‘Cept, YAAAWWWNN!!! Oh lookie ‘dare, its two red carz leadin’ the parade… Somebody pours me another shot ‘O eXpresso wills yuhs…

As I swear I saw the ALL Mighty Sofa King… Tisk-Tisk Jeffie pickin’ my boy for first wall smackeroo candidate of the race, making the save of the evening… As I believe that over the din of the crowd you could hear Kosuke saying over the radio my carz rreelly-rreelly RROOSSE!!! Something ‘bout needin to tighten up the ‘Ol Sofa couch springs…

But hey Jeffie! Did you realize that Kosuke actually finished AHEAD of Ahem…? Ryan traffic cones R us Briscoe… Who gets my two thumbs up for facing not only the muzak after the race but also actively seeking out a one Mr. BRUT Arute-Arute… Who by the way, should possibly recall that Mario Moraes is pals with some Dude named Viso who happens to own a few of Jack’s favourite pets… So QUIT hammerin’ him on his Papa died and now you’re a better racer angle will yuh!

And Oh My Goodness… We can now go another year before having to watch 4.75hr marathons of the Princess winning her first race… Cue the symphonic overtones of Beethoven, or was that some sort of rhapsody? Here comes Dan-Dan-Danicker… And how come Mr. Arute didn’t interview any of the “Home Boyz?”

Although that would be priceless to actually see Dario & Scott walking into the local 7/11, (Yeah, there everywhere, SHEISA!) Scotty pickin’ the beer and Dario standin’ with him at the register to make sure Dixon took the necessary Yen outta his wallet!

Sayonara…

Houndin’ Dario

And talk ‘bout bein’ desperate… As I made a very rare mistake of setting the VCR’s timer for 5PM instead of 5AM and hence, missed the F1 Qualifying from Monza, Saturday morning… And thus found myself sittin’ in front ‘O le Telescreen, watching ‘dem “Good ‘Ol Boyz” in their Pickem-up Trucks at Gateway, IL. Although I enjoy the Trucks better then the CUP carz… And tunin’ in for the final 8 laps is the best way to go!

As once again I was struck by how gracious of a racing driver Mike Skinner is having pulled off a somewhat improvable victory when the first two Trucks done wrecked… As the “gunslinger” said during his winner’s interview, our pit stopss weren’t great, but I’m sure we’ll get better. See how easy that was Dario! As another driver didn’t throw his crew under the proverbial bus…

And although Dario’s comments were correct and possibly just spoken during the heat of the battle; I still believe you don’t thrash your crew when the bright lights are on… Kinda like pissin’ off the Offensive Line that keeps yuhs from getting’ blitzed, eh?

Dario-speak

Ok, so I know it DOESN’T mean a single DAMN thing what your Humble Scribe’s opinion on whom the winner of the ’09 Indy Car Series Championship should be… But this ‘lil item has been stickin’ in my craw so to speak since the winners (WHINERS?) interview in the middle ‘O the night at Chicagoland… Where I thought that Roger Penske’s on-air comments in Victory Circle about the Burnin’ Inferno’s stellar drive was just a little Manu e Manu “Psyche” game between the Captain and the Cheepster, but I digress…

As the comment that got my dander up was Dario “REO Speedwagon” slaming his pit crew by saying” that’s the type of thing that LOSES us Championships. (Referring to a balky front wheel change)

Earth to Dario! Why are you throwin’ your awesome pit crew under the bus publicly… I mean didn’t you catch the young “Louise JAGUAR” Hamilton’s graceful handling of his teams Foopah that cost him the win in Valencia, Spain to Rubino, stating; “We win as a team, we LOSE as a Team.” Not to mention did you notice what happened when the Renault crew sent Fred Alonso out of the pits in the European GP without his front tyre’s wheel nut attached securely… Uhm? I believe we last saw it hurtling down the front straight!

Thus after having rooted for the flying Scot to collect his second title nearly all season long… I’m now rooting for the Aussie Ryan Briscoe… And NO, NOT because I wanna see Penske win again, but first Ryan got the boot from Chip Ganassi and secondly it’ll be something that Hulio has been unable to accomplish…

So GO Briscoe!

DP to RASSCARLAND?

So its funny how last night after having discussed the STUPIDITY over ALL of the Princess-mania over where Dan-dan-Daniker was possibly going with Danny B and WHO GAVE A RATS ARSE!?! (Or to be NON-PC; WHO GIVES A FUCK!) It was somewhat hilarious to come across Press Dawg’s Breaking News story alerting us to the fact that Danica Patrick is seemingly headed for a career in the Roundy-Round series beginning next year, albeit she’s Rally-Rally-Rally close to signing a new dealioe with Mikey Andretti to continue on with the vaunted IRL operation also in 2010…

GASP! BE STILL MY BEATIN’ HEART!!! SAY IT AIN’T SO? I mean what will I do without NO more Princess to kick around… Oh that’s right she’ll still be the Show Pony, Err crowd darling of IndyCar, which must be somewhat shaking in its boots about potentially losing one half of its marketing machine… I mean who’s gonna be your Daddy now? (Do You mean we might be forced to see more of Milkalicious and Sarah fisher on the Telescreen?)

So why do the names Jacues Villeneuve, Patrick Carpentier, Dario Franchitti and AJ Almendinger immediately come to mind? As at last count only ‘Juan of those four is still floundering ‘bout in CUP-LAND, albeit in somewhat second tier equipment, as Almendinger’s CV is far more impressive than Danica’s.

Yeah, Sam “I AM” Hornish, Jr. is steadily making progress, but after all, he’s a three time IRL Champion, while Robby “DIRTMANN” Gordoun & Gentleman John Andretti haven’t exactly lit up the Bomber landscape… But it will be fun to see Robby throwing his helmet at Danica after they’ve rubbed noses, Err fenders all race long, eh?

And I still contend that would Danica rather be a BIG FISH in a ‘lil pond (IndyCar) or a SMALL Fish in a BIG Pond? (RASSCAR)

As I asked Danny if he thought the secret was out about saving fuel at Motegi when running 5th with 17 laps to go or will Danicker repeat her most glorious victory once again at the Twin Rings ‘O Honda?

BUTT of course Danicka’s potential move has absolutely NOTHIN’ to do with Dinero… As after all, if the “Danistar” flames out in Stockcar Land she can always come back to the IRL… But then again the Smells like Teen Spirit Cup is the perfect place for Danica… I mean HELL! Just look how long Mikey Waltrip has paraded about the High banks over there…

Then again, what’ll happen when Princess has a hissy fit and tries doin’ her patented STOMP down Pit Lane to go tangle with ‘Lil Ironhead Junior??? Whale at least she’ll be able to share her toenail polish with Scott ‘NOSE Speed, who apparently is particularly fond of the shade lavender, but will she be able to share the spotlight with Schrub?

Uhm? I’ve gotta go take a shower… As I feel really DIRTY after all of this RASSCAR Daniker ranting!

Open Wheel blunder

It’s TOO HOT to write Stories, Whaa… As I was gonna post a really funny Cat story for Danny B, as may be the heat’s getting to Mwah? Meow, Meow...

And I cannot say a whole lotta good on you IndyStar.com… As they did NOT even bother to publish an Edmonton IRL race report this week. (Monday-Tuesday) Yet Monday’s Online version held a total of 21 stories in its vaunted Sports section; but out of these, eleven were solely devoted to the FRILLIN’ RASSCAR event known as the Brickyard 400… Or in Juan Pablo Montoya’s view the “Honest Officer, I wasn’t FUCKING Speeding Brickyard 386!” As you’ll wanna check out Robin Miller’s HILLARIOUS RANT on the JMV Show; The Drive, on AM1260 WNDE last Monday; July 27th; click on the podcast titled:

JMV & Mr. Conspiracy

A further one story was devoted to former Head Honcho T. George and his whimpering sarcasm posted upon his Vision Racing Team’s website… As in why did you kick me outta the office Mama?

Ahem; Earth to Tony, I’d stick to focusing upon pulling your Indy Racing League team outta the gutter… I mean HELL! Even Milka Duno’s team is doing better then Uze Guys… As Vision seems to be locked in a fierce Manu e Manu duel with AJ Foyt Enterprises for laughing stock of the IRL, eh?

But Hey! I’m sure the IndyStar and OWR Soothsayer Kurt Cavin will be all over the scene this weekend at Kentucky, now that ‘duh RASSCAR festiva Is behinds us; Yee-Haw! Hopefully along with ‘dem Kentucky weepers, eh?

Budapest Bash

Obviously, I wasn’t expecting to watch “Live,” via the Memorex the Horrific looking Shunt Scuderia Ferrari’s Felipe Massa incurred during the “Q2 Qualie” session at the Hunga-Boring (Hungaroring) circuit this past Saturday; seeming quite eerie to watch the images of Massa’s Ferrari F60’s “Lump” revving away while firmly implanted into the Turn 4 Tyre barrier!

And although I either lost the video tape or failed to record it, as I’ve mentioned before that I was preoccupied in “Los Wages” that horrible weekend in Imola, referred to as “Black Sunday!” When two F1 Piloto’s lost their lives and very nearly a third, I must say that Massa’s incident immediately conjured up images of Ayrton Senna’s tragic accident, along with ex-Toyota F1 Piloto “Shorty’s” (Cristiano Da Matta) horrible testing shunt at Road America, as I silently muttered to myself that Massa’s DONE! As in his race career is kaput… (Which obviously I hope I’m completely WRONG about).

Sportscenter SUCKS!
Saturday afternoon, while still without my Confuzer, Indiana Bureau Chief Danny B called at 13:43 (1:43PM) wanting to know if I’d heard the news about Felipe Massa? Yeah, I watched the whole BLOODY thing this morning… But they said he’s Ok… Well actually the ESPN “Ticker” says that Massa’s suffered Life threatening injuries but is in Stable condition; which seems like a bit of an Oxy-Moron to Mwah.

So, I did a quick scurry around the Newswires, via my very appreciated Newslind for the Blind telephone service, which enables me to listen to 250+ Newspapers from all 50 States, yet could only find reports of the initial accident, echoing SPEED’s coverage reporting that Massa was Ok after having been removed by stretcher and that Rubens Barrichello had talked to him in the infirmary… With AP News claiming that Barrichello had reported Massa’s Ok, moving his arms but is highly agitated… (To which I’m now wondering if the FIA pulled another Senna? Taking Massa away from the Hungaroring without divulging his true status?)

Next, “Mr. Carpets” (Dave) called at 16:00 (4PM) also asking if I’d seen the ESPN Ticker’s news about Massa’s condition? Aw, CRAP! Now I’m gonna have to watch ESPN’s Freakin’ Sportscenter at 8PM (Pacific)

And yeah, I know it’s a FRILLIN’ Stick ‘N Ball Channel… BUTT CRACKERS!!! I had to endure 34 minutes of their dribble before getting to the story I cared about; SHEISA!

As first we were FORCED to watch endless minutes of “ ROID BOYZ,” As the Talking Bobble-heads blathered on ‘N on ‘bout ‘dem Boyz ‘O Summer, (Baseball) the Nationwide race recap, a ditty ‘bout Mark “Old Spice” Martin’s affliction for ‘Old School WRAPPERS like Snoopy Doggy Dog. HELL! Even Lance Armstrong and Le Tour de Farce got preferential billing…

But what about Felipe-eh?

Then back to more Base-em ball tiddlywinks and a rather entertaining interview on the Brickyard’s Tarmac with “SMOKE” (Tony Stewart) and ‘Ol Super Tex, (AJ Foyt) as Foyt tossed out multiple One-liners about tony which caused him to laugh quite a bit… Before the announcer read from the Telepromter: Ferrari’s Felipe Massa sustains Life threatening injuries in crash, but is in Stable condition; SHEISA! I already knew that, as they replayed footage from Qualifying with Barrichello’s errant rear “Heave” spring circled as it hurtled towards the totally unsuspecting Massa! As later, somewhere in the multitude of reporting I heard that the force of impact against Felipe’s helmet was estimated at 1,600 pounds… Ah, SHIT! That cannot be good, eh?

And thus afterwards I jumped back on the blower and found an updated AP story giving further insight into Felipe’s tenuous condition, which he’s now making remarkable gains from, having recently heard that he’s now answering the Doctor’s in three languages and most likely will walk out of the Budapest Military Hospital in around 10 days… As obviously I hope for the best, especially since the 28yr old Brazilian has just previously announced his wife’s pregnancy as they’re expecting their first child in November.

Massa update

Bernie, You Stink!

So after having being caught off guard recently regarding Uncle Bernaughty’s unbelievably MORONIC comments about Der Fuhrer... I’m simply shocked over this latest lack of total sense upon the part of one Mr. Bernard Ecclestone... Who I’ve become quite tired of his whimsical naughty zingers... As I’m past finding his English wit to be even somewhat amusing; as I simply find NO room whatsoever to even bring up Adolf’s name even in jest... As perhaps Uncle Bernaughty should either read the book or go watch the film; both by the same title:

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

Of which ironically I just learned about from the Woman’s Kraft’s group held on Thursday mornings near Wimbledon while upon Holiday in London.

And thus I can only look forward to the soon(?) approaching day when Emperor Bernardo and Sir maXXum both wither off into the sunset and go live someplace quiet, preferably underneath a large bolder or three; perhaps a nice beachside Bungalow on the Falklands Isles, eh?

Hitler? He got things done, says Formula One chief Bernie Ecclestone

And although I’m seriously against any further Splits, especially after how the 13yr Civil War irreparably tarnished and seriously wounded the once mighty American Open wheel Racing scene... I for one now hope that FOTA will indeed walk away from the table and leave Max ‘N Bernie in their respective dust... Leaving the two Old Sods alone to sit in some Seaside Pub walloping their mistaken ways in some expensive bottle of Scotch or whatever spirits these two LOON’s enjoy indulging in...

Hey Uncle Bernaughty! Careful Mate, you might actually manage to piss off those CVC Banking Cronies you’re in cahoots with, eh?

Strange Bed-fellahs

Right Mates, yes indeedie... Your Humble Scribe, who’s still on BST (British Standard Time) and NOT necessarily at his “BeST” wit is spending the wee hours of the early morning staring away at that most hideous greenish blue hue of le confUZer screen since returning home from a most enjoyable trip abroad. (After a 24hr trek... Whale at least it feels like it!)

And thus, I just couldn’t resist, upon having made sure that “Lucy” was still with me and not a jilted lady after having been surrounded by several British Tarts the past week...

Thus I found it most bemusing that Farah Fawcett (Majors) Michael Jackson and Sir MAXXUM all made the major newswires in the same 24hr spin cycle, having been told the news of both Michael Jackson’s and Farah Fawcett’s deaths on the same day by one of my Airport “Handlers” (Assistants) as she escorted me from O’Hare’s Int’l Airports “Wheelchair Lounge” to my gate for the final leg of my day’s extremely long journey homeward bound from Jolly ‘Ol London... (12Hr flight duration + 4Hr+ layover) Of which I had the extremely good fortune to attend this year’s British Grand Prix where my man ‘ZEBB (Sebastian Vettel) simply “WALKED IT!” (Poor ‘JENSE, NOT!)

Then an extremely quick look around that World Wide Web thingy a few hours ago revealed some truly gratifying news... As the headlines said that (MAD MAX) Mosley was finally standing down... To which all I can say is:

HURRAH! BRILLIANT! ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!

One down, one to go, eh? As now all we need to complete the sweep is for Emperor Bernardo to hand over the purse strings to whoever the New Boss is? (Hopefully NOT Jean Todt) Perhaps his good chum Flavour Flav, eh? (Flavio Briatore) Although scuttlebutt Across the Pond suggested that perhaps Bernie has already given ex-wife Slavica; the woman behind the initials SELC (Slavica Ecclestone) a tidy some of $1.0 Billion British Pounds in their divorce settlement; as you may recall that SELC is the Umbrella Holding Company for the various FIA entities that Bernardo has his mitts on, i.e.; controls...

Ah, isn’t it great to be back to the usual spin cycle of News, Sports ‘N Weather, eh? As those BLOODY Starling babies are madly squawking outside for their morning feeding cycle which begins promptly at OH DARK THIRTY (5:15AM) each ‘N every summer morning... As I might as whale stay up and watch the morning sunrise, eh?

Max Mosley to Stand Down?

Hey Sir MAXXUM! QUIT being a tottering ‘Ol NUTTER and get on with it... Time to go on PERMANENT Gardening Leave...

Hulio’s still the Dance leader

Hulio climbs IMS fence (Dave O’Brien photo)

So I finally watched my tape of this year’s Indy 500 this past Thursday... And GULP! That Flippin’ Hulio still won the DAMN Race... As it seemed a bit funny to hear Act fast now, Hurry-Hurry-Hurry! One Day only for this weekend’s Memorial Day sale...

And its interesting what the live TV feed picks up audibly vs. being there live... As I had to laugh when hearing the only driver to get BOOED during Driver introductions... Was, Yep! Yuhs guessed it... Mr. Chrome Horne, Err ‘Ol PT. (Paul Tracy) As it was really funny hearing the ABC announcers totally go off on a tangent about how bad the Penske’s were doing, or how much of a sleeper to win “RAFA” (Rafael Matos) was for nearly half of the Broadcast... Or the total irony of Pit Reporter Vince Welch telling us how much of a candidate for victory Mario Moraes was just moments prior to the Green flag being waived. (Twice)

And Man ‘O Man! What a wicked hit TK (Tony Kanaan) endured... As I’m still amazed how someone can do an interview standing up so quickly after such a brutal Wall Smack! Or Miera catching fire and then being sent off without even losing a single lap... Although perhaps they’ll wanna have some of Dale Coyne’s Sonny’s BBQ on hand next time? Or perhaps break out the Marshmallows? Umm... Can Y’all say S’Mores!

But seriously Folks... It was noted during a recent interview with Donald Kay that the reason Miera’s head can be seen hitting the steering wheel which apparently appeared in the Indy Star the following day was due to the fact that his seatbelts actually stretched due to the G-Forces and sudden deceleration...

And just how many Caution laps did we have? Seemed like at least 50, which is Yikes. One quarter distance of the race...

Now all I’ve gotta watch is 11hr of Le Mans plus hopefully 5hr of the British GP this weekend if all goes well with the Trusty ‘Ol VCR! Hmm? Did somme ‘Juan say Well? As in I’ll take my Sonny’s Eethonal flavoured Ribs Well Done, Y’all...

Will the real 2010 F1 Teams please Stand Up!

Whale I don’t know about Y’all, but! This has to be one of thee most topsy-turvy Formula 1 seasons ever... Not only due to the radical rules revisions turning the conventional pecking order upside down, with BRAWN GP’s total mockery of the “Big Four:” BMW Sauber, Ferrari, McLaren and Renault...

But along with Sir Maxxum’s steadfastness over the impending installation of the 2010 Budget Cap Formulae; whilst Emperor Bernardo quietly sits in the background counting his millions, as I found it most revealing when David Hobbs pointed out the absurdity of it all,

As everybody’s being asked to slash their costs, throw people out on their ears, yet the cost of hosting a Grand Prix is going UP instead of down... As Hobbo’ pointed out that the Hungarian GP organizers would be force to pay an increase in yearly hosting fees from $21m to $36m (Approx.) as the CVC Bankers, Bernie ‘N Max are loathe to lose any of their residual income in the future and are apparently intent upon wrecking the sport once known as F1?

So just who are the potential players on this day of reckoning? As deadline for entries into the 2010 Formula 1 Season were due upon May 29th and are set to be revealed (Provisionally?) today.

Well, there’s the Formula One Teams Association (FOTA) with eight of its current ten 2009 F1 Team Members (BMW Sauber, BRAWN GP, Ferrari, McLaren, Red Bull, Renault, Toro Rosso and Toyota) having posted conditional entries based upon reverting back to this year’s rules package instead of MAD Max Mosley’s Budget Handicapping Formulae... As Williams has now been joined by Force India in filing an unconditional entry for the 2010 season, breaking ranks with their FOTA brethren... As Max ‘N Bernie seek once again to crush all opposition, i.e.; FOTA, as the two Henchmen seek to drive a wedge between these Constructors.

And then there’s the New Kids on the Block, seeking entry into the exclusive Formula One Fraternity, whilst perceivably squabbling over a potential two or three new grid slots up for grabs...

As the three most promising teams appear to be the much ballyhooed USF1, Err USGPE entity of Ken Anderson & Peter Winsor alongside David Richards Prodrive operation, with Lola bringing up the rear?

Meanwhile the remaining “Supposed” entries run the gambit of true potential entrants to the inevitable “Paper Tigers...” As there are supposedly entries from: Brabham Grand Prix Team, Campos Racing, Epsilon Euskadi, Lightspeed/Team Lotus, Manor Motorsport, March, SuperFund and Wirth Research.

Thus, Its interesting to note that reportedly both USGPE and Lightspeed have already put down deposits for supply of Cosworth V-8 Lumps for next year’s Championship, while speculation suggest that Prodrive could be renewing its association with McLaren and Mercedes Benz? While we all eagerly await the revealing of the proposed 2010 F1 Entry list...

As I’m pondering if Sir Maxxum will be so bold to preclude the heavy hitters from this list in order to try continuing to make the FOTA bow to his every wish? Would the FOTA really start-up a Break-away league after the tumultuous results of the past CART-IRL Split? Or will common sense prevail.

As I’m suddenly stuck pondering whether or not I’d watch Formula 1 if BMW, Ferrari, McLaren, Renault and Toyota walked away...

Portland’s Centennial

Sorry folks, but I just cannot let go of the fact that Portland has been majorly “Dissed” by the Indy Car World Series... Although I suppose I should understand by now that IMS rules the roost and will not play second fiddle to anybody! Yet, while much ado has been made over the fact that this year’s Indy 500 marks the famed Speedway’s Centennial, (Part One) little noise seems to be made about the fact that Portland, Oregon is also celebrating its own Open Wheel Racing Centennial, as its AAA sanctioned road race pre-dates the series first visit to Indianapolis, with Portland’s inaugural race being held on June 12, 1909; while today marks the 100th Anniversary of the Speedway hosting its inaugural event; the National Balloon race, of which IMS founder Carl Fisher was participating in...

Balloon races at Indianapolis

So, it’s a bit funny to me how I’m assuming that there’ll be NO mention of this fact by Indy Car, which seems sad to think that there still is an unspoken rift between CART/Champ Car and the IRL, of which I suppose will linger on for several years to come, sorta like the Civil War?


Truesports; Scott Pruett

And although my earliest memories of Open Wheel Racing cars is those bygone days of the early 1970’s with ABC’s Wide World of Sports Jim McKay at the microphone over Memorial Day weekend... much of my zest for this unique series spawn’s from traipsing about the grounds Of PIR for over two decades and the yearly pilgrimage on Father’s Day weekend to watch the Champ Cars.

Portland Celebrates 90th Anniversary

It was here that battle lines were drawn over whether you were an Andretti or Unser “Hater!” As the elder generation gave way to the mighty skirmishes between Mikey and Little Al, although John and Jeff Andretti would also take turns at Portland, along with Mario’s farewell tour, whose teammate was none other than “Il Lione,” a.k.a. Nigel Mansell or better known as BLOODY NIGE!

There was Scott Pruett persevering in the struggling Truesports chassis, which always seemed to be one step behind on engine choice, while Randall was always quick to give a driver a new nickname like “Stevie Johnson” (Stefan Johansson) and Raul Boesel being the originall Boom-Boom Smash-Smash BRAHMA! Who was at the time being sponsored by Brahma Beer.

Yet, one of my most favourite memories is the Pub we made our yearly destination sporting a life-size cardboard cutout of Bobby Rahal, who I used to call “Boobie Ruble,” of which Meesh has a much more diabolical spelling of... As Rahal senior was resplendent in his Miller High Life racing overalls and somebody had cleverly stuck a note underneath his arm saying “Need two tickets for Indy!” Since this was the year that the Three time CART Champion had switched to Honda “Lumps” and looked set to fail qualifying for the 1994 Indy 500 before making the painful decision to switch to a customer Penske/Ilmor chassis instead to satisfy his sponsors...

Then there was the year when a person by the name of Robby Gordon asked me if the seat next to me in the Grandstands was taken? As he and his girlfriend sat thru the entire Trans Am race, as I tried having a casual conversation with him, while my friends tried heckling him... As this was his Rookie season in CART, driving for ‘Ol Super Tex... Before I got his autograph the following year when he’d jumped to Derrick Walker’s “Team Valvoline” and Robby seemed none too impressed with me when discovering my pen was running dry of ink!


ARS Chassis with Buick V-6

Or watching a very “Young Lion” named Jon Beekhus kicking ARSE in the ARS... (American Racing Series) which I believe was the pre-cursor to the original Indy Lights series, as the ARS chassis were motivated by normally aspirated Buick V-6’s...

And then there was the SCCA Trans Am, which just had some of the NARLIEST Pony Cars going fender to fender, as this was during the era of Factory backed “Works” teams featuring the Ford Mustang, Chevy Camaro and Dodge Avenger(?) With Tommy Kendall, Dorsey Schrader, Ron Fellows, Scott Sharp and the Archer Brothers to name a few; while there was our local PacWest Racing team making good, as Mark Blundell captured the team’s very first victory in what must arguably be Portland’s closest finish, beating Gil De Ferran in a drag race, with Raul Boesel in third for CART’s closest ever 1-2-3 finish in its history.

Patrick Racing; Alfa Romeo

And witnessing “Mr. Hollywood” or “Sully” (Danny Sullivan) going from the highs of CART Champion in 1988 in the beautifully prepared gold Penske PC-17/Chevrolet Miller High Life to the lows of struggling while driving for Pat Patrick in the hugely uncompetitive Alfa Romeo powered Lola T91/00 chassis.

Along with Marlboro Team Penske’s three car armada simply crushing everybody in its wake, while “My Boy Dirtmann” (Robby Gordon)
Pipped ‘Ol Bloody Nige for fourth place on the final lap coming onto the front straight... (Remember that Randall?)

Then the tide turned red, as those pesky Target/Chip Ganassi cars ruled the roost in CART, winning an unprecedented four consecutive Championships (1996-99) as Jimmy Vasser, Alex Zanardi and Juan Pablo Montoya flexed their muscles on track, before Kenny Brack had what was deemed a sub-par season driving for The Cheepster!”

Or watching De Ferran take an improbable victory in the low budget Walker Racing entity vs. the big Guns of Penske, etc. by putting his Goodyear tires to good use over the opposition, as Derrick Walker called another crafty race for his charge, while Team Rahal triumphed at Portland with Max Papis, with Brack and Vasser driving that wonderful looking white/yellow Shell car, along with Mexican Michele Jourdain Jr’s brief tenure with the team.


Walker Racing; Scott Goodyear

And I’ve completely left out the “Kuh-Nuck’s” (Not on purpose Meesh & CAM-Wow) as there was Scott Goodyear, Ross Bentley, and John Jones off the top ‘O my noggin... Not to mention somebody named PT, as Mr. Chrome Horn (Paul Tracy) and Dario Franchitti were always a force to be reckoned with at Team Kool Green, along with some cats nicknamed Jack Vanilla, (Jacques Villeneuve) Pat the Carpenter (Patrick Carpentier) and TAG. (Alex Tagliani) And let’s NOT forget the late, great Greg Moore, whom I recall watching cause a massive seven car pile-up into the Festival Curves by going into the corner on the start overly aggressive and ultimately flying off track...

Or “Shorty” (Cristiano da Matta) scoring his final Champ Car victory whilst driving for PKV Racing before his horrendous testing accident at Road America, while Portland was also the site for first time CART/Champ Car maiden victories for: Al Unser Jr., Alex Zanardi (Mark Blundell) and AJ Allmendinger.


Dorsey Schroeder; Tom Gloy Motorsports

And lastly, all of the years making countless sarcastic cracks at “King Hiro” (Hiro Matsushita) Lyn St. James, Scott Brayton, Willy T. Ribbs and all of the other perennial back markers who drove for Dick Simon Racing and Dale Coyne Racing respectively, of which was totally uncalled for, but, hey! If we knew now what we didn’t know then, eh? Thus Salute Portland! And may be some day (SOON?) in the hoped for near future the leadership of the Indy Racing League will see fit to return to the Pacific Northwest of which could potentially once again attract its dedicated fans from California, Portland, Seattle and Vancouver, BC, eh? As it’s now going on three years without a FRILLIN’ race...

PIR Photos

Past Race Winners: Portland Champ Car Event

June 17, 1984 Al Unser Jr; June 16, 1985 Mario Andretti; June 15, 1986 Mario Andretti; June 14, 1987 Bobby Rahal; June 19, 1988 Danny Sullivan; June 25, 1989 Emerson Fittipaldi; June 24, 1990 Michael Andretti; June 23, 1991 Michael Andretti; June 21, 1992 Michael Andretti; June 27, 1993 Emerson Fittipaldi; June 26, 1994 Al Unser Jr.; June 25, 1995 Al Unser Jr.; June 23, 1996 Alex Zanardi; June 22, 1997 Mark Blundell; June 21, 1998 Alex Zanardi; June 20, 1999 Gil de Ferran; June 25, 2000 Gil de Ferran; June 24, 2001 Max Papis; June 16, 2002 Cristiano da Matta; June 22, 2003 Adrian Fernandez; June 20, 2004 Sebastian Bourdais; June 19, 2005 Cristiano da Matta; June 18, 2006 A.J. Allmendinger; June 10, 2007 Sebastian Bourdais.

My ’07 Portland Race weekend re-cap

Jenkins is the Mann!

Perhaps Y’all already know this, have figured it out or come to a similar conclusion> But after listening to Bob Jenkins once again on Autosport Radio yesterday... It became abundantly clear to Mwah just how much of a Class Act Bob Jenkins is... And judging by the reaction of the audience upon his introduction... This is a commonly held opinion, as the show’s first guest Kevin Savory of Andretti Green Racing certainly didn’t receive the same over joyous reception...

And Jenkins, whom I’ve just commented about his in booth pardners Jon Beekhuis and Robbie “That’s my Pick” Buhl seemingly not letting Bob get too many words in edgewise, is an extremely articulate, bright, clever and quick announcer... As Don Kay asked him if he’d fallen asleep while listening to the monotonous sponsor plugging... Oh No! I listened to every word Jenkins quipped... Later mentioning how you know you’ve made it when you have to hire somebody to do your lawns for you... And could Mr. Kay hurry up the interview as he’d promised his wife Pam they’d be home by 9PM in order to watch Dancin’ with the Starz...

Oh yeah, Jenkins noted I’ve got my own website now; it’s Bob Jenkins Racing.com, so check it out please...

So, I’ll hold off on my comments about the Versus broadcast as I like the majority of Talking Heads they’ve got working, especially Jenkins & Beekhuis... And “Lyndie-Lyndie” (Lindy Thackston) of which Will of Is it May Yet? Has a great interview with; is actually quite enjoyable to listen too... Especially versus (pun intended) ABC’s Brienne “My Daddy owns a Race Team” Pedigo...

To visit Bob Jenkins brand new website; Click here

LeMay Automobile Museum update

As Y’all know, the Global Economy AIN’T exactly in the best ‘O shape at the moment... As the Global Credit crunch continues to tighten its grip around the world’s financial markets, etc.

Thus, as always, in dire times many “Sundry” items such as entertainment, are slashed from everyone’s budgets, as just look at the new Yankee’s “Bazillion’s” Stadium’s premiere seats being vacant, not to mention the much over-lamented downturn of RASSCAR attendance as well as The Arts being dramatically effected on a daily basis.

And thus, with the demise of the Seattle Post Intelligencer, which has become a former shell of itself in its pathetic Online version, I’ve regrettably switched over to The Seattle Times, albeit I prefer the Post Intelligencer’s reporting, but I digress.

Thus I found it somewhat alarming, although not surprising that the LeMay Automobile Museum is currently struggling for financing of its most excellent Museum to be built in Tacoma, WA as the director of the Museum has noted that Donations have simply dried up...

LeMay Automobile Museum $7m Short

Recall, that “Lonestar JR” has been added to the LeMay’s Board of Directors and this project, not to mention the collection of Automobilia is simply too great to let slip by and thus I’d expect as the Mayor of Tacoma seems confident of, funding will indeed go forward for the project, of which I hole heartily agree with and hope this magnificent project reaches its full potential, as its truly an amazing collection and Pacific Northwest treasure!

LeMay Museum

Clover pennies

Something ‘bout the Tax Man comes to mind today... Ah, where’s George Harrison when yuhs needs him, eh? As there’s NO Tea Bagging going on here! Especially since Urban Dictionary paints a different view of the terminology, eh?


They brainwashed my great uncleBrainwashed my cousin BobThey even got my grandma when she wasworking for the mobBrainwash you while you're sleepingWhile you're in a traffic jamBrainwash you while you're weepingWhile still a baby in your pramBrainwashed by the MilitaryBrainwashed under duressBrainwashed by the mediaYou're brainwashed by the pressBrainwashed by computerBrainwashed by mobile phonesBrainwashed by the satelliteBrainwashed to the bone
Brainwashed; Lyrics and song by George Harrison

And speaking of Brainwashing, Err Courtroom Hi-jinx, I find it rich that the lawyer representing Ferrari in Diffuser-Gate accused Ross Brawn of being Arrogant... Something about the kettle calling the pot black, eh? As fortunately the FIA has ruled in favour of the Diffuser teams Brawn, Toyota and Williams by deeming their “Double Decker” Diffusers to be legal and discarding the arguments and appeals filed by Ferrari, Renault, Red bull and BMW Sauber... And thus, I’m assuming that the said teams above plus the remaining non “Double Stuff” Diffuser teams will commence obligatory hashing about of rear Diffuser appendages toot sweet! And perhaps even some of the “Big Four” teams may fly in upgrade kits this weekend in Shanghai? As the ruling means that JENSE’ keeps his two victories and his points lead in the F1 World Championship, while Brawn GP has done the unthinkable and won the first two Grand Prix’s in a row by a new team since the inception of the modern day Formula 1 Championship when Alfa romeo did likewise in 1950.

Next up is the deliverance of McLaren’s radio follies... In which I believe that the team and Louise “JAGUAR” Hamilton should be thrown out of a said minimum of races for their ludicrous transgressions... I mean C’mon, wouldn’t the FIA, Max ‘N Bernie throw the book at Herr Schumacher?

Meanwhile in Key Biscayne, Err Miami Florida, where I’m told that its hard to get a sun tan whilst trolling the hallways of Federal Courtrooms, the Hulio jury has asked for further clarification upon tax codes from the Judge as well as transcripts of certain Tax professionals as its deliberations continue on as Y’all await anxiously the outcome of Hulio’s latest Dancin’ contest. As I’d assume he’ll not be taking part in this weekend’s Long Beach Grand Prix, which like Jeffrey... You really should tell your neighbors to give Versus and Indy Cars a try this weekend, eh?

Two Green thumbs?

“The Bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle.”
(Perry Como; Seattle, 1969)

Whale, not really!
So does this mean a change of scenery is immanent? As in years past, I recall making calendars to count down the days until the first Grand Prix of the new season would begin... While wading thru the bleakness of the Winter Olympics, better known as Winter testing, which the FIA has dastardly cut proportionally over the past several years, although the in season testing ban should theoretically cause the drivers to log more track time on Friday’s this year.

Thus having waited with great abandon for this weekend’s season opening Formula 1 race Down Under, instead I partook in two days attendance at Seattle’s 2nd Annual Green Festival, which I must say was overly packed and very well attended... Something to do with us Northwest “Tree Huggers?” And thus I set the commands of my shiny new Comcast Box to record the week’s drama in Albert Park to my trusty ‘Ol VCR... Which is much easier to program then today’s DVR’s for Mwah, but that’s a whole ‘nother conversation, eh?

Saturday evening Mary Ellen & I attended the Electric Vehicles 101 presentation hosted by two very entertaining gentlemen of the Seattle Electric Vehicles Association.(SEVA) As the main speaker Daniel Davids, being 65 years old has spent 29yrs living, breathing, eating, dreaming Electric vehicles, while his “junior” partner Steve Lough (54yrs) has a 40 year history with Electric vehicles... Including numerous drag racing victories, while Davids is featured in the 2 SCREAM to 60 Youtube video; yet, it was interesting to hear Lough actually suggest that one wait 3-5yrs to purchase an Electric vehicle as opposed to running out and buying one today, as there’ll seemingly be an explosion of these vehicles being produced by our major Automobile manufacturers then... Since if you wish to convert a vehicle today it’ll potentially set you back somewhere between $12-15,000 and there’s NO guarantee you’ll end up with a good conversion. Although I found it interesting how they scoffed at GM’s much ballyhooed Volt... Because it’s NOT a true 100% Electric vehicle? Ironically I found this a most enjoyable lecture, although it seemingly contradicts my interest in Formula 1 and IndyCars...

On Sunday, we attended four speakers hour long presentations, which were most dynamic, inspiring and devoid of the mainstream “fluff” that we’re subjugated to 24/7, as we listened to Amy Goodman, John Perkins, Clifford Pichot III and Laura Flanders respectively.

Amy Goodman touched upon the fact that this weekend marked the 20th Anniversary of the Exxon Valdez Oil Spill in Prince William Sound, of which the Herring have never returned too... And of the initial 22,000 plaintiffs who filed against the world’s largest Petroleum Company, 6,000 have died while Exxon has kept these lawsuits in litigation...

John Perkins spoke upon what would happen if we refocused our Corporate priorities, while Pichot divulged his “Happo-Damno” philosophy; which is the measuring of Happiness vs. Damage environmentally... And Laura Flanders spoke to the demise of our legacy Newspaper industry as the loss of these jobs like most, once lost will never come back and how this is a travesty for each cities morale fiber... Noting how a two time Pulitzer Prize winning journalist of our just castrated Seattle Post Intelligencer has suddenly found himself unemployed! As perhaps (if you’re still reading this) you’ve guessed by now that the Green Festival is geared towards the world’s future Sustainability...

Green Festival – Seattle

And thus I found it ironic that while attending the Green Festival this weekend, which also happens to coincide with the 10th Anniversary of the WTO Demonstrations in Seattle... Two of the world’s largest Automobile manufacturers chief executive officers were being sacked... As Rick Wagner, General Motors Head Honcho resigned from his post in the wake of further Government assistance, as under Wagner’s stewardship, GM’s United States market share has declined from 33.2% to 18.8%, while the company’s stock price has devalued over $50.00 per share.

Meanwhile, Christian Streiff, the embattled leader of PSA Peugeot-Citroen,, was fired from his post, as one of France’s “Big Two:” Peugeot and Renault SA struggle to survive in the Global economy on the back of a $7.5 billion Euro ($9.8b USD) 5yr (Rescue plan) Economic aide package, as Peugeot, France’s largest car maker has suffered a $343 million Euro net loss for 2008.

Meanwhile, as in previous rants about the intrusion of electronic media... I am currently unable to scour le internets or newspapers, open my email or listen to my voicemail in fear of having the results of the Australian Grand Prix divulged prior to my rewinding of the Memorex and watching Qualifying and the BLOODY RACE! As I found it even more ironic that all of the Fosters which was apparently on sale this weekend had disappeared off of the shelves of my local grocery store... Crikey’s Mates!

So, will Nico secure his first Formula 1 pole position? Or will the newly reconstituted Brawn GP do the unthinkable and lockout the front row? Or perhaps either Jarno Trulli or Timo Glock score Toyota’s long awaited inaugural Grand Prix victory? SHEISA! I’d better go watch the tape, eh?

Sweet Home Alabama

She’s opening the door.
She’s coming out!
She’s wearing a purple track suit with pink and red piping.
Oh Danicker, what are you gonna do in those shoes!
She’s grabbing a burrito.
And now she’s heading back inside...

And there certainly seems to be a fair bit of banter over the just completed test sessions held at Barber Motorsports Park, as Jeff over at My Name is IRL has an interesting take upon the whole Barber Motorsports Park media-LUV-fest.

A trip to the Barber

And DON’T get me wrong, as I’m all in favour of the Indy Racing League coming to Portland instead... Although it’s true that the attendance took a dive in the final year; I’m getting a bit tired of hearing the same excuse in regards to the poor attendance it had in the waning years of the series formerly known as the Champ Car World Series being Portland’s fault...

As I’ve said before and I’ll say it again! The attendance went down the drain because we were treated like second class citizens, being given a watered down product of 15 racecars... Oh wait I think two more are coming around the bend... And what’s the Support Series this year? Bicycles again? OH WOW! Don’t those Mazda Miata’s look fast? They sure sound quick?

Not to mention some terribly fowl weather as I can still recall my teeth chattering from sitting all day on some shiny COOLLLDDDD metal grandstands in my Kmart raingear! And what’s that? They’ve scheduled the race on the same weekend as the 100th Anniversary Rose Festival parade in downtown Portland? Hmm? Me thinks that the Pacific Northwest fans are too astute and tired of The Split, but I digress.

On the flip side of Barber having indeed been developed for “Scooter” racing, they do hold a Grand Am (ACK!_ race there... NO, I’ll skip the which series is better Grand Am or American Le Mans Parrot-ity. As apparently the track is currently lacking in passing zones, which was the reason the Festival Curves were built in Portland... Uhm? Which hosted CART & Champ Car events there for nearly 25yrs. What’s that? You say it’s already built and it even has a light rail stop directly across from the track alongside the freeway, with direct access to Downtown Portland.

Yet, you’ve gotta give Atlanta its due, as they pulled out all of the stops, including the red carpet for Tony George and the Mayor has even proclaimed an Indy Car Day, along with presenting TG a key to the city for which it was humorsly explained he may need to get outta jail if they don’t get a race soon...

And HELL! They even sent real “LIVE” reporters to cover the testing action, with the Birmingham News having a minimum of three stories per day in their cities’ local paper.

Indy Car “Rookie” Robert Doornbos compared the track to Belgium’s Spa-Francorchamps, which is high praise indeed, as this has been a Formula 1 piloto’s favourite racing circuit for decades, with the legendary corner Eau Rouge having been the most daunting for many years... Until now the racecar’s can simply go flat thru, although it’ll be interesting to see how the new cars maneuver there this year, eh?

Anyways, I think its probably a good sign that we’re all lobbying for more Indy Car races and new venues, even if I’m left wondering if the Barber shuffle has something to do with being in RASSCAR’s backyard? As I’m guessing this sorta press is much better then the farcical rules bungling demonstrated by the FIA.

And Will of Is it May yet? Says it’s a great place... So he may be interested to hear that Bad Bobby D. was asking Scott Dixon if he could smell the barbeques on the back stretch? I tell yuh Graham; you’d better stock up on your Big Macs or is he a Quarter Pounder type ‘O guy?

Last minute F1 rule changes 2.0

Perhaps you’ve heard about the controversial last moment rule changes which could significantly impact the face of Formula 1 in the near and overall future... These being the change to the points system and the budget cap formula.

I am most aghast over the farcical changing of the scoring system, which having been ram rodded thru the WMSC on March 17th, was to see whoever had the most wins during the season being proclaimed the Driver’s Champion... While second place onwards would have been decided by overall points as well as the Constructor’s Championship, as this rule was seemingly brought into farce by Emperor Bernardo decreeing his most absurd “Medals” system for the three podium spots a la the Olympics, as the person with the most gold medals would be champion. Yet, as I posted the link to an online poll over this, I along with the majority of participants were vehemently opposed to the idea, as I believe the poll was running somewhere in the 77% + region AGAINST this... But hey, what do the fans know, eh?

While I’m all in favour of the driver with the most victories winning that season’s title, I don’t think this should be artificially created, I mean if I wanna watch big time wrasslin’ I can simply drop in on some Roundy-round series

Yet, I’m sure this won’t be the last time the FIA tinkers with the point’s structure, as they’ve now changed their tune, deferring the new points system until 2010 after the Formula One Teams Association (FOTA) challenged this last minute switch and pointed out two sections of the rules book being breached by the FIA over this matter...

And contrary to popular belief, it’s the FIA, nee Bernardo who got us into this predicament. As prior to 2003 the points were 9-6-4-3-2-1. But with Michael Schumacher dominating that season’s Championship; besting his nearest competitor (teammate Rubens Barrichello) by a then record 67 points enroute to winning 11 Grand Prix’s, the “Schumacher” rule was invoked. With the current watering down of the points to eighth place and being awarded 10-8-6-5-4-3-2-1; which almost produced the result being sought, a new Driver’s Champion as the Finnish upstart Kimi Raikkonen looked poised to knock Michael off his thrown with a multitude of second place finishes in only his third season, before ultimately finishing runner-up to Herr Schumacher by a scant two points. Meanwhile arch nemesis Juan Pablo Montoya finished third overall, a mere 11 points adrift, as a three horse race for World Champion existed during the majority of the season. Yet if “The Iceman” (Raikkonen) had won that year’s title, it would have been on the propensity of his runner-up finishes. (7-0) Hmm? Where was Ecclestone then? Isn’t that the exact scenario he’s bellyaching over now, as Schumacher had a total of six wins vs. Raikkonen’s one. Yet, even with the tweaking of the points system, Schuey went onto Throttle the competition in ’04 with an obscene 13 victories...

And if Michael Schumacher is ASTOUNDED! And Fernando Alonso wants to know why they’re constantly changing the rules... Do the voices of two multiple World Champions resonate and does anything more really need to be said? Even Lewis Hamilton has spoken out against this, not to mention two prominent Team Principles... I mean what’s next? Will we return to the era of Senna-Prost deliberately taking one another off the track and out of races to secure Championships... As I’d prefer to leave “The Rubbin’ is Racin’” to another crowd.

And thus, thankfully we’ll hold off from this nonsense for the following season, as I believe that we should either retain the current points system or better yet the FOTA’s proposal of tweaking the points to favour driver’s incentive for winning, i.e.; 12-9-7-5-4-3-2-1.

As for the just announced budget cap formula, I’m a bit foggy upon this since first off there seems to be two different figures floating about, as I’ve seen both $30 million and $42m being bantered about le internets, unless that’s the current Euro vs. Dollar conversion rate? (OUCH!) As this new formula devised by the deviant Sir MAXXUM is a new formula for which teams would have nearly unlimited freedom in car design in return for these teams entire season budget not exceeding this figure, and that includes Driver’s and Team Principle’s salaries; as in everything minus the kitchen sink, Err team’s motor home and any subsequent fines.

Interestingly, I’m drawn into the way back machine, when a similar synopsis occurred during a previous struggle between teams and the FIA during the onset of the turbo era in the early 1980’s, when the mostly British Cosworth runners were given one set of rules, most notably a weight break and the upstart turbo chariots were forced to live with a higher weight limit... Although the turbo cars ultimately prevailed until these outrageous horsepower laden vehicles were abolished for the 1989 season... So will history prevail once again or will this become part of F1’s new allure, as sliding weight scales and inlet restrictors in the name of level playing fields isn’t exactly a new concept, yet this doesn’t seem fitting for the pinnacle of Motorsport, nor does the bungled hashing about rules.

Although it’s hard to think that perhaps the achieved effect has occurred, since everybody was talking about it, even RASSCAR just weeks prior to the season kickoff...

Tuskegee Red Tail to race at Indy?

Whale originally I was gonna post a most horrific picture of some buffoon named “Dubbah-U” in front of a Mission Accomplished banner. As after all today is the sixth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq...

But instead I’ll pay homage to some long forgotten Airmen, as in the Tuskegee Airmen who’ll FINALY be honoured this month of May at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, along with the possibility of one of the 33 cars taking the grid being dubbed a “Red Tail” racecar in deference to the Tuskegee Airmen’s signature crimson tails of their war birds during World War II...

Tuskegee Airmen to be honored at Indy 500

The death of the Seattle PI

It seems fitting that while we’re celebrating Saint Patty’s Day... The Seattle Post Intelligencer is sadly celebrating its last... As the death of a beloved Seattle institution and icon has just printed its very last real honest to good newspaper edition... As our town of two journalistic fish wraps has finally been whittled down to one, which precariously hangs in the balance of a most literary city. As I find it tragic to see the Hearst Corporation simply throw away 146 years of tradition...

The pioneering P-I slips into the past

Hulio’s big adventure

So its interesting to me how there seemingly is so little mainstream media attention being given to Helio Castroneves Tax Evasion case, as more of America seems to be echoing the sentiments of “Junior Nation” in asking what’s wrong with “Little E?”

And having just watched the Wind Tunnel portion with Robin Miller and then reading an interesting piece on Hulio’s “personal” lawyer Alan Miller, one must wonder just what exactly is going on here, eh? As Robin says that Hulio “Isn’t a Crook” and Tim Tuttle claims that Alan Miller is a stand-up Attorney. (Sounds like an Oxy-moron to me...) Yet, I’m left wondering why Mr. Miller has hired Robert Bennett, who was President Bill Clinton's lawyer in the Paula Jones sexual harassment case; while Hulio has retained Roy Black, who represented radio host Rush Limbaugh in his prescription drug misuse trial, and who’s paying the legal fees...

Also, Mr. Miller’s current clients include Jimmy Johnson, Casey Mears and some Open Wheel Racing diva named Danica Patrick. Hmm? I’m guessing they’re all crossing their “I’s” and dotting their “T’s” at the moment? As it seems a bit odd that this seemingly stems around a 10yr old accusation, as Jeff of My Name is IRL has done a good job writing about in Searching for Helio news, as apparently there seems to be some scorned lovers in the contretemps, eh?

So, I’m just wondering who dropped the dime upon Hulio and is this just another case of the US Government searching for any quick income as they seem to be chasing any potential tax evading citizens during our economic crisis...

Tax trial opens for Hulio

Bernie banishes USF1

Apparently Emperor Bernardo has decided to once again flex his muscles... Having let Peter Winsor & Ken Anderson enjoy their moment in the sun, before Uncle Burrnaughty decided to show the two blokes just who’s really the boss of Formula 1 when he made it public that USF1 was to cease immediately the continued usage of F1 in their team’s name and all other entities, as after all by gummit! F1 is the property of Uncle Bernard and his cozy bedfellah’s CVC... As Bernard could be heard all the way across the Atlantic whimpering Mine! Mine! Mine! While ironically ‘lil T. holds the rights to the USGP name. Thus USF1 has forlornly changed its identity to USGPE, say that fast five times, eh? As in U.S. Grand Prix Engineering; yet, before you go spoutin’ off ‘bout how this is another blow against Peter & Ken, for whatever it’s worth they can take solace in the fact that Emperor Bernardo has also informed Vijay Malia that he’ll need to change his racing team’s script as the uppercase “I” in force India apparently has some (go figure?) connotation with his swooshy F1 logo. Hence, the team’s brand should now read FORCE India. Ah, to think that these are the most pressing matters in the Grand Prix arena... Yuh’s gotta LUV-It, eh?

(Thanks to Ed for bringing this to my attention)

Du-Du’in duh comca$t shuffle

So, have you ever had a Clark Griswold day where you feel like you’re at Wally World?

Yeah I know this is frivolous... BUTT! Although I Believe, that the switch to versus will be worthwhile for us Open Wheel Racing fans... So far I’m NOT the least bit impressed by my local affiliate office of the company that owns them...

You see, comca$t has been trying to get me to switch over to Diige-It-TULL for the past few years now... As I made the mistake once of being suckered by them and having the “Freebee” Digital Coercion box mailed to me, of which I DON’T FRILLIN’ WANT!!! And thus I ended up paying $5 to mail it back to them... (Smooth move, eh?)

You see, after witnessing Aunty Harriet trying to work the darn blasted new fangled remote... As you’ve gotta go way up high and then work your way all the way down to 13... Hello? Hello? Oh, that’s NOT the telephone, is it?

Thus, being visually impaired, I’m EXTREMELY content with my Universal Remote with nice medium size buttons that’s very simple to operate during channel surfing, etc. As why does every new blasted device have to be smaller ‘N smaller? So call me Old School, but the equipment I already have works quite nicely for Mwah!

BUTT NO-OOOOOOhhhhhh!!! Thanxs to duh “Gubbernment” we gotta switch over to Diige-It-TULL immediately, whale I think so, I mean isn’t that happening February 17th? So after watching the Telescreen’s “Homey” comca$t commercials assuring me that I wouldn’t have to do ANYTHING for the upcoming changeover the last six months... Imagine my surprise when on the evening of Feb. 16th I received an automated phone call from comca$t informing me that in about 4hrs I’d be LOSING all of my channels above 30... WTF? As I won’t even begin telling you the story about being forced to drop my DISH TV service and sign-up for the flippin’ comca$t service... As the ONLY reason I went back to comca$t was in order to receive the SPEED channel, which yep, you guessed it is #33 on my dial, with #34 being Versus... ACK!

So, I turned to the channels on the intended brownout day and wall-lah nothing had happened and all channels were intact so SHEISA! What in the HELL is going on, eh?

Then the real fun begins... On Wednesday I received another phone call from comca$t; this time from a live person asking me if I’d gotten the memo about my service changes? Yeah – but everything’s’ still hunky dory; well Sir, I’m afraid you’ll be losing all of your “Preferred” Sports channels unless you act immediately and take us up on our special one time offer... Of which you’ll now need a Diige-It-TULL converter to receive these channels as (FUCKING!) comca$t has decided that to remain upon basic cable you’ll only be receiving a limited number of channels, i.e.; 20 or get with the program bubbah! SHEISA! (And pay the HIGHER FEES!) Would you like me to mail out one of our self installation kits?

NO! I’m visually impaired and will NOT be able to install the BLOODY F’ in Box, so how ‘bout sending out one of your friendly neighborhood helpers your commercials always talk about instead? Sir, I have NO idea what you’re talking about, but I can schedule you an appointment for a Technician to come out and install this... Fine; ok Sir, that’ll be $9.99, say what? Why in the BLOODY HELL should I have to pay to have a box I do NOT want but am being force to get due to your corporate policies... Well, Sir; do you have any friends? NO! Ok, well I cannot do anything about your dispute on the charge but would you like me to set up an appointment? Yes; Fine, go ahead please. Ok there will be a Technician coming out to install your converter next Tuesday (NO Hamburger jokes here...) between 8AM-Noon. Please feel free to call the following 1-888# I’ll give you to discuss this matter further.

So, the next morning I call the phone number and an automated voice say’s Hi, I’m ready to activate your new account... BUTT I don’t have any FRILLIN’ new account to activate, I just wanna speak to a customer representative... So I play the game of NOT answering any of the prompts hoping to get a live person eventually? Sir-Sir; how may I help you? I tell the first lady my issue and she asks if I may hold while she directs my call elsewhere... (Isn’t this where you magically get dumped while listening to the groovy musak?) Ok Sir, I’m transferring you to Sales, please stay on the line... Go ahead Amanda. Sir, how may I help you? So I explain my dilemma in regards to not wishing to have to pay for something I didn’t want in the first place... Uhm? Do you mind holding one moment Sir? Ok, I’m going to transfer you to somebody else that can help you with your problema... Really, Honest!

Hello, this is Dave; may I have your name, rank, serial number and shoe size please? Dave’s Not here right now... Open the door, its Dave... (Ro-Ro; Cheech ‘N Chong flashback ‘dare, eh?)

So, I tell Dave for the third time what I think STINKS... Whale Sir what number did you call? When did you call it? Ok Sir, I can write a 10-473-996/86PDS to credit your account and then schedule an appointment for a Technician to come out and perform the service... But I already have an appointment; You do? Yes it’s for Tuesday and now I’m rally-rally-rally hunkerin’ for a hamburger today! NO Sir! There are absolutely NO records of any appointment in our system...

BUTT! We have just mailed you out via UPS the self install Diige-It-TULL converter box... So, let me get you a different number to call when your box arrives and then you can set up an appointment!

FUCKING A, Ray!!!

All I want is my SPEED channel! (And Versus, although I suspect I’ll end up listening to qualifying via the IMS Radio Network) And is this all going to occur prior to the April 30th transition date that comca$t has imposed? (In order to keep their hugely INFLATED bottom line in the upper stratosphere!) Oh yes Sir, it’ll take NO time at all to schedule your appointment and have somebody come out and install your shiny new box... Is there anything else I can do to help you Sir? (Schedule the FRILLIN” appointment now? Oh yeah, that’s right, Dave’s NOT home right now...)

So, in case you haven’t figured out? I’m really looking forward to joining this Digital Revolution... Sure hope the leap is worth it, eh? And where in the HELL is my Diige-It-TULL conversion bailout, huh? Say, has anybody seen my remote? And what’s ‘dat? There’s gonna be a Princess Dan-Dan-Danicker special on Versus on March 7th...

Can you hear me now?Do you want Fries with that? And where’s the Beef?

Mirror Mirror on the wall

Whale perhaps it’s just me, but isn’t it ironic? That on two Rally-Rally-Rally Big News Dazes... First being the Princess Danicker show Up North, eh? And then the House ‘O Winsor briefing, there was also some dude by the name of Obama busy holding court. Coincidence? As Peter Winsor even made a soft jab about the President bailing out the USGP...

And while perhaps Y’all are in a lather frettin’ over the latest testing times from Homestead, I for one have been way too DAMN busy in order to write anything overly clever on the matter, as the off season testing in formula 1 is fondly known as the “Winter Olympics,” rarely shedding any light upon whom will be the following seasons winners. So can anyone really take too much meaningful out of the IRL’s very first test day? Besides; YAWN! The Ganassi and Penske cars were atop the time sheets. Thus I suggest you check out the Open Wheel Word Botcherer’s Association instead for a plethora of Homestead coverage...

United Open Wheel Word Butchers Association

Homestead Day One times

Bobsledder makes good

Perhaps you’re wunderin’ why I’m scribblin’ about bobsledding... Whale, after all it is winter, eh? And this piece, albeit from Jeffy’s favourite fish wrap; the USA Today was of keen interest to me, since I’m a visually impaired hack. (NO, nuttin’ to due with my Vurd Botherin’ skeels which have been finley honed over duh years...)

You see... (Pun intended!) I was unaware of the fact that TEAM USA’s best bobsledding hope for medal contention is also visually impaired, as Steven Holcomb, who at 28yrs old has recently had experimental eye surgery in order to save his diminishing eyesight, as he suffers from keratoconus, and his 20/500 vision could no longer be corrected with contacts, while apparently he cannot use prescription glasses while driving... As I’m guessing this has something to do with fogging?

For USA, bobsledding world title in sight

Having voiced his concerns to Brian Shimer; Team USA’s Bobsledding Director, Shimer had no idea just how bad Holcomb’s vision was.

Brian Shimer:
“I think he's gotten to where he is because he doesn't rely on eyesight as much as feel of where he needs to be,"

"Things happen so fast that vision isn't really clear a lot of times anyway. … People would come down, and they'd be complaining about the fog or the snow. You'd ask Steve, and he'd go, 'I don't know what they're talking about. It was fine for me.' "

After consulting with Dr. Scott Stoll, a former bobsledder turned doctor, Shimer subsequently told Holcomb about a new surgery where contacts are implanted behind the irises. Although the surgery could potentially lead to future blindness, Holcomb was willing to take the risk...

I especially enjoy the part about now having to use a scuffed ‘N dirty face shield to limit his new crystal clear (HD) vision as he’s seeing competitor’s sled tracks on course for the very first time!

Holcomb takes Bronze in New York “World’s”

Danica this... It’s working!

SHEISA!!!

Please DON’T even get me started on this terrible hyperbole ‘bout Princess Dan-Dan-Danicker going to Formula 1... (I mean HELL! She can’t even race in A1GP!) Although I feel like I’m doin’ the Tony Stewart shuffle here, as he retorted to a fellow media member as “Rocket Scientist” after just having crashed into fellow Hoosier & Teammate Ryan Newman during the big race’s final warm-up... As Stewart said he wasn’t even gonna talk ‘bout Goodyear NO more and then repeated the Akron rubber giant’s name 47 more times... But I digress.

Although I like the majority of the Blogger’s comments toward this subject, i.e.; “Danica + F1 = DUMB! Formula 1 races on the tellie at OH-DARK-30 and How do you say "Go Daddy" in Hungarian?”

I’d just like to point out one issue making its way around the Blogosphere in regards to the potentially new US F1 team that will apparently be launched via the SPEED channel on February 24th.

In regards to the “Paltry” $64 million annual operating budget; NOT to be cornfuzed with the $64m question... The reason behind this number, along with the 100 member staffing level is that this is predicated upon what FIA Whipping boy Sir maXXum, nee MAD Max Mosley is currently seeking in his proposed cost containment scheme he’s trying to get implemented for the 2010 season. As this is in the hopes of attracting new teams into the sport which currently has two vacancies on the allowable grid maximum of 12 Constructor’s, barring Honda’s demise...

Bringing down the F1 Budgets

Yet, this amount of money and manpower seems to be doing exactly what Max wants, as in they’re pandering to the FIA’s Dreamscape of teams running upon $65m and 200 staff. But with the upper echelon Constructor’s reportedly spending in excess of $200-400m; this will presumably be only enough capital to run a “Minnow” team at the back end of the grid in 2010... And thus, as much as I’d like to see the project come to fruition and be successful, so far it all seems to be Smoke ‘N Mirrors... (Albeit the former Minardi team under Paul Stoddart was reportedly running on a $40m budget).

Yet, I’d have to say that 16th & Georgetown seems to be on the right track in regards to potential drivers, as Ryan “The Dude” Hunter-Reay is probably the most logical candidate for one of the seats, as the other names being bantered about don’t make a lot of sense to me. (Including Princess). Conor Daly, Josef Newgarden and Scott Speed all seem to be a stretch to me, as the first two are lacking in experience, while the latter has already “Been thar – Done ‘dat!” And Speed seems to have cooked his own goose abroad... So, I’m not really sure who the drivers should be, if we’re truly seeking an All-Americana line-up. (Although I’d pay to see Kyle Busch in F1!) Hey, how about Richard Antinucci after he potentially wins this season’s Firestone Indy Lights championship.

Then again isn’t it amusing how every bodies already forgotten about how Marco Andretti was slated for a ride with Honda F1...

Versus limbering up for ’09 IRL season

Whale... Although the verdicts still out upon the forthcoming Versus Indy Car TV coverage, I’m assuming by now Y’all have heard of the Versus Indy Car “Talking Heads” stellar line-up, with two of my favourites having made the cut: Bob Jenkins and Jon Beekhuis.

Versus announces Indy Car Broadcast line-up

And like Mr. CHiP’s (Chris) Estrada of Indy Racing Revolution, along with many others, I too received the IRL press release mass email from Arni, supposedly containing the new Indy Car “teaser” adverts played this past weekend. Unfortunately, I too was unable to download these and was busy watching the Rolex 24, so I didn’t have a chance to view the 11 second spots...

Yet, versus has already scored a line drive with Mwah... Upon the heads-up from No Fenders reader Too Much Racing whom alerted me to the fact that the comca$t owned channel would indeed be providing us with a 30mins daily highlights package of Dakar race action, which I’ve been unable to check out in previous years after SPEED pulled the plug upon this TV segment, so I’m already impressed by Versus and we haven’t even gotten to the meat ‘N the sandwich... A.k.a. 2009 Indy Car racing!

Monster Jam fatality

Somehow I suspect this will not make the SPEED Monster Jam highlights reel... As a six year old boy was killed Friday night in the Tacoma Dome during the Monster Jam weekend...

6yr old boy dies at Monster Jam

Willy T. speaks out

(Willy & Jay Leno at Long Beach celebrity race; Source: Willy t. Ribbs.com)

This past Sunday night on the Speed Freaks, they hosted an all Black theme in deference to today’s inauguration of Barack Obama... Featuring drivers Willy T. Ribbs, Bill Lester and Antron Brown, along with musician John Butcher, with Willy T being first up and was a great interview, continuously calling out RASSCAR for its lack of diversity, as well as making a brilliant comment regarding his comparison between motor racing and skeet shooting; “Well, nobody can pull a plug wire when you’re skeet shooting.” This was followed up later by a great one-liner remark about Bernie Ecclestone, thus I strongly suggest you check it out...

Willy T. Ribbs interview

Is corn King?

Whale, I do have to say that the Indy Car Series decision to go with Brazilian ethanol in favour of our own Mid-western bread basket’s variety is seemingly just one more slap in the face in regards to the current economy... (I mean, couldn’t the IRL have given those farmers a bailout?)

Now obviously, I’m NOT privy to the inner sanctum of 16th & Georgetown; nor what ‘lil Napoleon, a.k.a. Tony George is thinking(?) so, I found it most bemusing that the IRL dispatched Terry Angstadt to the Autosport Radio show recently to try and explain their reason’s for cutting a deal with Brazil instead of its current American Ethanol producers.

But after having listened to Mr. Angstadt’s (woeful) explanation of how they tried to do everything(?) in their power to continue their association with EPIC and American Ethanol... Hmm? That party line sounds awfully similar to the Oz race cancellation, eh?

It seems to me that the IRL simply saw an opportunity to get into (bed) with a partner who’s a bigger market, along with another case of Outsourcing, as Brazil reportedly has a giant Indy Car fan base and TV rating shares of 4.0 – 4.5, to which Terry said wryly; I’d like to have those here... Thus, I think the IRL simply saw an opportunity and took it!

Even more ironic is that one of Donald Kay’s show sponsors is EPIC: the Ethanol Promotion and Information Council...

And while I’m all in favour of alternative energy sources, I’m not exactly sure what to think about Ethanol, having heard conflicting reports over its production vs. benefits.

Yet, I’m obviously in favour of slashing our dependency on foreign oil, i.e.; Saudi Arabia, although it’s a bit funny that actually the United States No. 1 importer comes from our neighbors Up North, Eh? “Oh-Kan-ah-duh!”

Thus, I found the following article very interesting, as it disputes the virtues of Ethanol, in favour of a little known alternative substance known as; Butanol. Of course this is from a biased source, but nevertheless it does make for an interesting thought, as now the head of DuPont has just urged the Big Three to form an alliance to produce a 75mpg vehicle that would run upon, you guessed it! Butanol.

Perhaps the switch to sugar cane based foreign Ethanol, hydrogen, corn based Ethanol, Butanol, Cellulosic based Ethanol, Bio Diesel, hybrid’s and plug-in’s will indeed enable us to solve our dependency of fossil fuels.

Then again, it’s hard to believe that the Oil Barons will be willing to let go of their monopoly, eh? I mean, have you ever noticed how many 18 wheeler’s dot the countryside? Then again, it cannot hurt us to try something different...

Ebenezer Bernardo

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

You really are a heel!

You're as cuddly as a cactus,You're as charming as an eel.

Mr. Grinch.

You're a bad bananaWith a greasy black peel.

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch...
(Lyrics: You’re a MEAN one Mr. Grinch; Dr. Seuss)

And continuing with our winter theme... Bah Humbug Ebenezer Bernardo! As The Penguin, a.k.a. Messer Ecclestone was less then pleasant towards Honda F1’s demise... Hmm? Perhaps Slavica will leave you a lump ‘O coal, Mr. E?

Bernie bashes Honda F1

Meanwhile, thankfully the fans are telling Emperor Bernardo he’s full of BLEEP! As according to Motorsport.com;
“A poll at manipeF1.com shows 77 percent of voters oppose Bernie Ecclestone's gold-silver-bronze medals plan for determining a world driving champion.”

So, perhaps somebody will tell Bernardo to go STUFF IT! (Besides his wife, eh?) Or better yet stick a fork in the Penguin and tell him he’s toast!

Fa-la-la-la-lah, its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Bernie digging for Gold

Perhaps you’ve heard of the INSANE idea promoted by the prima Dona Emperor Bernardo regarding that he wishes to see the current F1 points system abandoned in favour of having the top three finishers racing for and being awarded medals, a la the Olympics instead. As the winner would receive a gold, with the following two piloto’s being awarded silver and bronze, with the Driver’s World Championship being decided upon whomever has the most gold medals, as Bernie claims:
“He has all the teams behind him on this issue, meaning the change could be ratified by the FIA at the next World Motor Sport Council (WMSC) meeting in December.”

Yet, for once, it appears that “EJ” (Eddie Jordan) the ex-owner of Jordan Grand Prix has hit the nail firmly on the top of its head by recently telling the BBC:

Eddie Jordan:
“I believe Ecclestone has lost his focus on the real issues facing Formula 1, such as cost-cutting.
"I think they [Ecclestone's proposals] are a nonsense.”
"I can't possibly believe he's thinking straight, especially on this one.
“His focus must be on cost-cutting and nothing else, the rest is just dressing it up. Jordan added that he did not see anything wrong with the current points-scoring system and doubts that Ecclestone had secured the full support of all the teams – especially those racing at the back that of the field.
"The points are necessary," he said.
"I was one of the team principals who advocated the points should go down to eighth place because one point is as important to those teams as a win is to McLaren and Ferrari."
"He is tinkering with something on which he has lost the understanding.
“He thinks only wins matter.
"When Hamilton lost the race in Spa and it was given to Massa, can you believe the controversy that would have created?
"There has not been enough thought put into this and for him to say that it comes with the full approval of all the teams - I'm sorry, I just don't believe it."

Yet, thankfully, it appears that this ridiculous notion will NOT be implemented in 2009 as Ecclestone has claimed. Now explain to me; why are Emperor bernardo and Sir Maxxum WASTING precious time coming up with such IDIOTIC ideas like this and standardized engines...

After all;

“The current ranking system that offers points from first to eighth place was introduced in 2003 after Michael Schumacher dominated the previous year's championship, taking the crown with six races remaining at the French Grand Prix.”
(Source: ITV-F1.com)

High School radio

Whale now that Wind Tunnel is done for the season, I’ve decided to start listening to the Speed Freaks broadcast full-time... And last night’s show started off fairly slow, with an opening monologue about college football, blah-blah-blah...

Then they got to their first interviewee: Larry Roeseler; 13 time overall winner of the Baja 1000, along with 17 class victories... Ten overall wins in the two wheel class, a.k.a. motorcycles, with Roeseler saying it took him 10yrs to win his first 4WD overall victory in 2004, having now claimed his third Trophy Truck victory in this year’s 631 mile “Loop” race;

SCORE TROPHY-TRUCK (Unlimited Production Trucks)—1. Roger Norman, Reno, Nev./Larry Roeseler, Irvine, Calif., Ford F-150, 12 hours, 40 minutes, 33 seconds (49.81 miles per hour);

Next up was Mark Burnett, who won the class 6 event, driving solo aboard his Ford Ranger, which is pretty impressive considering it took him some 20+ hours to complete due to a litany of mechanical woes. As Burnett told a story about the various booby traps the Mexicali’s enjoy setting up, when he was almost skewered by a steel line tied to two trees during his motorcycle days. As the wire went thru his arms, chest and helmet! And he had to ride back seven miles to get aid, before being flown by helicopter to a hospital...

Thus, this brought the inevitable from “the Sarge.” Nope! Not Tony Schumacher, the other Sarge, a.k.a. Kenny Sergeant, whom seems to have an affliction for the sizes of male attachments... As he once again wanted to know who’s got the biggest hevo’s; Asking both Roeseler and Burnett if they put their manhood out there... Whose are bigger? Scott Dixon, Indy Car; Jimmy Johnson, RASSCAR or those of Baja piloto’s...

Sorry, Kenny, but who FLIPPIN’ cares, eh? How ‘bout some real racing questions instead! Although there was a pretty good slam on Robby “Dirtman” Gordon’s shrinkage due to being a RASSCAR driver now, as he only managed to complete 17 miles...

And it seems somewhat ironic... That the site had been working, albeit it’s usual stuttering and low volume during the non-advertisement periods... But, right when we got to the breaking news on whatever GM is cutting from the motorsports arena, the site CRASHED! And I could never get the dag-nab-it thing to re-connect...

Niceland

While some of us may be singing;
Happy Days are here again
Happy Days are here again

I’d suggest it’s hardly time to roll out the barrel... (Pun intended) as Y’all know, we’re in a world of economic hurt! Just-in-time for the upcoming Holidays, eh? And I don’t think it’ll rebound anytime soon? As the following scenario’s are playing out in the Motorsports arena, having already noted the impending merger of DEI and Ganassi/Sabates in RASSCAR, along with the news that RASSCAR has banned all testing next season, plus the current glut of driver’s on the free agency market in Indy Car’s, not to mention the most likely lower car count next season...

As it should be apparent, that when the economy goes into a tailspin, extra-curricular activities such as motor racing are usually effected, if not hard hit in justifying the multi-million dollar expenditures of running successful racing operations.

Thus, turning our attention to the world of Formula 1, I had to laugh upon catching the gimmicky ING advert that ran multiple times during the season finale in Brazil, where the crowd goes wild chanting Fernando, Fernando in the glitzy promo...

This after the Netherlands largest banking institution posted its very first loss of $500 million euros ($670m USD) since being formed in 1991, with its company roots dating back to 1743. News of the loss seemingly sparked a shares sell-off as ING’s stock price dropped 27% and is down 70%+ this year, as the banking and insurance giant will reportedly sell an 8.5% stake to the Netherlands government in order to secure up to $9b Euros of cash infusion...

Obviously ING is a big player in the world of F1, as it not only is the title sponsor of the Renault F1 team, but also sponsors several current rounds of the Formula One calendar along with substantial race track advertising.

Meanwhile, the Williams team would appear to be in an even deeper threat of financial turmoil, as various sponsors are in economic trouble, with the team relying heavily upon Iceland’s Bogger Group’s Hamleys and mydiamonds.com, RBS (Royal Bank of Scotland) and Brazils’ Petrobras sponsorship.

As we’re all possibly aware of; Iceland is in current economic meltdown, as the country defaulted on its national currency and is currently seeking rescue from the International Monetary Fund, (IMF) to the tune of a $6b aid package, (can you say bailout?) which to date, hasn’t been approved as foreign banks seek repayment of current investments, while Ukraine and Hungary also are currently seeking financial aid packages from the IMF in order to stave off potential bankruptcy. Yet, Spain is currently in a major slump and the German government has just announced an $80 billion ($108b USD) financial aid package that allows for 5% to not be repaid...

Meanwhile the Royal Bank of Scotland has been taken over by the British Government in an attempt to recapitalize the Scottish bank, which has two years remaining on its sponsorship deal with Sir Frank Williams.

And lastly, Brazilian oil giant Petrobras, will depart the Grove squad in favour of Honda’s Brackley based F1 team for the 2009 season, as it seeks to pursue sponsoring a young Brazilian driver in favour of Williams current driver duo.

Thus, these are just some of the current financial implications affecting just two of the current ten Formula 1 Constructors, not to mention potentially affecting Emperor Bernardo’s bank account... Nah!

Yet, while oil sponsorship may seem impenetrable in some circles, I’m sure that all major corporations are having to rethink their long term marketing plans and perhaps Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro may wish to rethink its rumoured sponsorship tie-up with Spanish bank Santander,, ci? Of course this deal was allegedly on the condition that Fredrico Suave, a.k.a. Fernando Alonso joined the Scuderia as Kimi Raikkonen’s replacement, which now seems unlikely until 2011 at the earliest and thus, I’d assume the Spanish bank will continue its original contract with McLaren thru 2009...

Veterans Day - 2008

Imagine a time when it all began
In the dying days of a war
A weapon that would settle the score
Whoever found it first would be sure to do their worst
They always had before...

(Lyrics” RUSH; Manhattan Project, Power Windows, 1985)

Time Stands Still (2008)
Nagasaki photographs

Although I try to refrain from the topic of mainstream politics, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been voicing my opinions a little bit lately, and I’m quite happy that this will be the final Veteran’s Day under the Bush regime...

Thus, it’s hard to believe that it’s already been one year since I had those most appalling thoughts while sightseeing in Japan, now having been to both World War II Atomic Bomb sites; Hiroshima, 2004 and Nagasaki, 2007. Obviously both sites are different, yet both were civilian targets with Hiroshima being a larger city than Nagasaki. Actually Nagasaki wasn’t the primary target on that fateful day, it was a back-up target picked when Kokura was blanketed by dense clouds, obscuring the city.

With Boxcar, the second B-29 bomber assigned to carry a nuclear bomb, being low on fuel and making only one pass over the target before dropping its lethal cargo at 11:02AM. As the bomb detonated above an unsuspecting tennis court...

Thus, I suppose it’s ironic, that the Hanford Nuclear facility, here in the state of Washington, which was built in 1943 specifically for the Manhattan Project was responsible for producing the very plutonium needed for the “Fat Man” bomb...After driving from Sasebo to Nagasaki, Tanja, Albin & I hopped aboard a Tram (Street Car) and rode to a nearby Atom Bomb museum stop. The museum is of an interesting design, as we walked down a continuously spiraling carpeted walkway, into the bowels of the museum. There are several artifacts on display, beginning with pictures of the city prior to the blast. There’s a picture of an entire city street, a school, temple, farming, horses, etc. Then there’s the clock with its hands frozen at 11:02AM, retrieved from a house approx. 3 kilometers from the blast. There are several items of glass & metal that are either twisted, bent or fused together from the bomb’s massive heat. There’s even a piece of roofing you can touch, which shows the affects of the intense temperature afflicted on the ceramic tile. There’s a single wall left of the church that was destroyed in the holocaust, as well as a counterpart of the horrific plutonium core bomb of the original “Fat Man” weapon used on Nagasaki. It’s gigantic and I think it weighed 4,000 tons. Reports differ over the total effects of the atomic wasteland, as Nagasaki like Hiroshima three days earlier was pulverized. And although it was known that the bombing could instantly kill everyone within a 4 kilometer radius, the then unknown effects of radiation were not understood. As countless scores of people simply died in other towns listed as; Dying, causes other than Atomic bombing… There are several gruesome pictures of dead bodies and injured people, as Nagasaki’s population was approx. 240,000 at the impact of Fat Man. Imagine in just 30 seconds, the bombs horrifically radiant heat killed over one-fourth of the population. Another one-fourth was injured along with countless thousands left homeless! Blast damage occurred as far away as 15 kilometers, with shrapnel flying as far as 8 kilometers. The city was leveled 2.6 miles approx. (radius) with anything black catching fire up to 4 kilometers away. As all of the telephone poles left standing were charred on the side facing the blast! On display, a section of wall recovered is quite intriguing. It too was also 4 kilometers away from the blast. Yet the bombs flash and heat was so bright and hot that it fused a man’s shadow and piece of leather into the wall! There’s also the shadow of a picket fence on the wall along with the image of leaves fused into a piece of wood… Various exhibits with time lines of the history of the Manhattan Project are interspersed with other related events. There’s current day Atomic statistics, like every Nations projected nuclear arsenal with Russia listed at 16,000 weapons followed by the US at 10,000. And there’s a display listing every Nations atmospheric and underground Atom bomb tests since WWII. Yet the most chilling display to me was the current day Nuclear weapons facilities, since this included Hanford, WA. I suppose why it sent a chill up my back was because it was the only video playing in English, as person after person discussed the devastating health effects of the “Down-winders.” Ranging from damaged Thyroid’s, cancer and multiple birth defects! (40+ years after being built) Which the U.S. Government is still denying, although supposedly it has now actually admitted that it did indeed release “Mega” amounts of radioactive toxins into the surrounding environment, as Hanford is now the nation’s WORST Nuclear site, containing 53,000,000 gallons of radioactive waste; the nation’s largest amount!

Hanford was responsible for producing the majority of plutonium utilized for our nation’s 60,000+ nuclear weapons, before being decommissioned at the end of the cold war and is currently the nation’s largest toxic waste Super-fund clean-up project...Next we walked to the adjoining Peace Park, which features an elaborate display at Ground Zero, with the grass lawn being interspersed with concrete rings leading inwards to the huge 10 meter tall peace statue adorned by a black marble vault containing the names of the atomic bomb victims and survivors who died in subsequent years. A plaque gives the following statistics:

Dead: 73,884 Injured: 74,909 Sufferers: 120,820 Houses burned down: 11,574 Houses half-ruined, 5,509 Houses partly damaged 50,000
At the south end of the park is a giant flowing water fountain. This Fountain of Peace was created in 1969 giving prayer to all of the people who perished in the bombing while vainly searching for water. At the base of the fountain is a black stone plaque with Lines from a poem carved into it. They were written by a girl named Sachiko Yamaguchi, who was nine at the time of the bombing, It reads:
"I was thirsty beyond endurance. There was something oily on the surface of the water, but I wanted water so badly that I drank it just as it was."

Hiroshima-Nagasaki Atomic Bomb Exhibit (2000)

Black Panthers

So, I’ve been having a few discussions with Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen over the subject matter regarding how it seems that nobody’s broaching the topic of the colour barrier in Der Vurld der Motorsporten...

Of which I recently scribbled about in the story titled Hope, to which Mary Ellen immediately replied by saying; Lewis Hamilton’s not an African American, which indeed he’s not... As I enjoyed the Speed Freaks crew’s assessment; He’s a Black born, British World Champion! While Stat Man Caruthers also immediately corrected Kenny Sergeant when he pronounced that Lewis Hamilton was the first African American to win the Formula 1 World Championship, as Bob Varsha repeatedly commented; Do we bring the matter up? As part of the world wishes to remain colour blind, while the other half thinks it’s important to mention.

As now, that “Jaguar’s” (Hamilton_ done it! It seems that the topic is once again making the rounds, albeit just-in-time for today’s potentially historic Presidential election... Which I thouroghly expect Barack Obama to win and hence, become the nation’s very first Black President!

Brazil Post-race quotes

Lewis Hamilton (5th)
"The most dramatic race of my whole life. It's pretty much impossible to put this into words: I'm still speechless. It's been such a long journey, but I've always had the support of my family, the team, our partners and the fans. We did a fantastic job throughout the whole year and, with all the sacrifices we made, I'm so thrilled to be able to win this for everyone."
"Before it started to rain I was quite comfortable, and I was just focused on having a clean race. Then it started to drizzle and I didn't want to take any risks - but Sebastian (Vettel) got past me and I was told that I had to get back in front of him. I couldn't believe it. Then at the very last corner I managed to get past Timo (Glock) - it was just amazing."
"This was one of the toughest races of my life, if not the toughest. I was shouting, 'Do I have it? Do I have it?' on the radio. It was only when I took the chequered flag and got to Turn One that the team told me I was World Champion. I was ecstatic."

Felipe Massa (Winner)
“Well, I think as Kimi said, we did everything perfect today and unfortunately it was not enough. I think we did a great championship, we had some up and downs and we paid for that and we are also paying now a little bit but racing is like that. Sometimes you just have a perfect year with so many victories, a very reliable car, and sometimes you have some ups and downs and that's racing. From one year to the other things change. That was our championship but even if we had some ups and downs I think everybody did a great job. Everybody worked really hard to achieve our goals with the heart and sometimes things don't happen in the way we want. But that's racing. That's the sport, sometimes it is a little bit different than we expect. We need to be happy with our Constructors' championship. It is very important and I am sure our President, everybody inside the team is very, very proud and very happy like me as we need to be. The second thing is we need to congratulate Lewis because he did a great championship and he scored more points than us, so he deserves to be champion. I know how to lose and I know how to win and as I said before it is another day of my life from which I am going to learn a lot. Hopefully we come back here with the title but anyway I think it is part of our experience, part of our life. I am sure everybody here, me, Fernando, Kimi, knows how tough it is to be a driver. Sometimes things are very easy and something happens you don't expect. Sometimes things are very difficult and you win without expecting, so we know a lot about that and that is another day. But as I said I am very happy and I am leaving the track with my head completely up as I think we did everything we could.”
*Source: Grandprix.com)

So, do you think Barack's opponents will be as gracious in defeat as SPEED’s Peter Winsor commended Felipe Massa for being, at the end of the Post-race press conference...

New World Order

(Photo source: Grandprix.com)

Whale! What a truly epic nail biter the 2008 F1 Season Finale was, eh?

As a long time fan of Herr Schumacher’s, a.k.a. Michael Schumacher, the brother of “Vurld” famous Ralfanso, I’ve been a devoted Tiafosi since the German departed my previous favourite Formula One team Benetton, way back in 1995.

Thus being devoted to the Scuderia since the last BLOODY Bloke from Jolly ‘Ol England; Damon Hill finally defeated his arch nemesis “Schuey” behind the wheel of Sir Frank’s Williams-Renault, I recall having cast squared jaw “Brit” David Coulthard as one of the enemies during the Schumacher reign, (Of terror?) while “Jense” (Button) was touted as the new British hope upon his arrival in Formula 1.

Yet, nobody could be the unrivaled mastery of the German, who as we all know, went on to capture a record setting seven F1 Driver’s World Championships, along with helping his two respective teams to capture a total of seven Constructor’s titles, while obliterating the rest of the Grand Prix record book...

And since 2002, I’ve fondly thought of the phrase; “Immer Ferrari,” when Mary Ellen asked the neighboring “huns” at the Nurburgring who’d they’d root for after Schuey had retired. And believe me, I’m NO talent spotter, but the driver that most garnered my attention was a very young 21yr old Fin, by the name of Kimi Raikkonen way back in 2001 when he made his rookie debut driving for Peter Sauber’s privateer outfit. Thus, it was logical that I’d take up rooting for the Iceman when he somewhat acrimoniously took over Michael’s seat at the Scuderia for the ’07 season, which miraculously saw Kimi go on to become World Champion in Brazil by the narrowest of margins.

Another driver “pick” of mine, was the mercurial Brazilian Felipe Massa, having also been suitably impressed by his driving at Sauber, then going off to become a Ferrari test driver before returning for a second stint at the Hinwil based outfit and then picked as Schumacher’s teammate at Ferrari for ’06, when “Rubino” left to challenge for the title with Honda.

And although we didn’t get to have any free crème soda’s while exiting the media center that hot July afternoon, (Danny) one of the coolest things in regards to Felipe, was getting to watch him taking part in the live interview at Indianapolis in ’06, when via close circuit TV, we got to witness the top three post race interviewee’s talking live in their native tongue’s, as race winner Michael Schumacher prattled on in Deutch, with Felipe in Portugese and third place Giancarlo Fisichella in Italian.

Thus, I’ve been facing a bit of a dilemma during the past few races, as in being torn between Massa and Lewis Hamilton, who may not be my favourite piloto, but is one HELL of a driver, as I’d have to say, that since Kimi seems to have gone a bit off the boil this season, I’ve been kind of rooting for Felipe after having resigned myself to the fact that Raikkonen wasn’t going to be a title contender. And I’m still quite puzzled to how Massa has been able to so thoroughly dominate the Finn this year, as the Iceman was once considered the fastest gun on the track...

But, I’ve enjoyed watching how all of these drivers have developed, as I recall vividly how Kimi learned how to do the Schuey “Squeeze,” after Michael had forced him wide at Magny Cours in ’02 enroute to his record tying fifth World Championship, as Kimi would return the favour to Juan Pablo Montoya, while young “Louise Jaguar” Hamilton, seems to have learned similar lessons this season.

So, why am I blathering on about this? Well I found it most amazing that I actually felt “gutted” when I thought Massa had won the title in the most improbable circumstances, as I had decided that I’d really enjoy seeing not one, but two Blacks win their respective contests this year... And thus remarkably, while in all senses of logic, should have been euphoric over the perceived triumph of Massa, I burst out a few expletives at the telescreen instead! Thinking Lewis had thrown it all away once again...

And thus, I was even more spellbound when it was announced that it was the young Messer Hamilton who’d be named the 2008 F1 Driver’s Champion instead, having come out of nowhere in the appalling conditions to grab the title by the single point that he’d given away last year!

Congratulations Lewis!

Hamilton is World Champion

Hope

Having just spent the majority of the weekend in Tacoma and having just finished watching the Japanese GP qualifying session, I hope to watch the Grand Prix race shortly...

And I hope that Kimi Raikkonen wins the race, I hope to see Sebastian Vettel on the podium again, I hope...

Yet, Mary Ellen asked me to post the following comment I made to her about how wouldn’t it be great if not one but two African Americans claimed “P1” in their respective championships, as in the Presidential and Formula 1 arenas, with Barroc Obama becoming the nations very first Black President and Lewis Hamilton becoming the very first Black F1 World Champion!

Especially on the 40th Anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr’s assassination...

CORRECTION
Upon my penning this story, Mary Ellen was quick to point out that Lewis Hamilton is NOT an African American and why are we all so afraid to say the “B-word?”

So, after a little further digging, I discovered that young “Louise” was born in Stevenage, which according to Wikipedia;
“Is a town and district in Hertfordshire, England. It is to the east of junctions 7 and 8 of the A1(M), and is between Letchworth Garden City to the north, and Weldyn Garden City to the south.”

It had a population of 79,400 residents according to 2007 records.

And as we all know? He's half black & half white, like a soon to be certain President of ours... His father is black and originally from Grenada, with his "Mum" being white and British. So what do you BLOODY Brit's call him? (Somebody of mixed race?) Is he simply black or does anybody over there care? As he’s now the sports very first Black F1 World Champion...

Eye Rock 500

Not to be cornfused with the IROC, of which I’m extremely happy doesn’t exist anymore as it had simply become another playground for showcasing the overcrowded cadre of Stock Car drivers permeating the Norte Americana scene... As I prefer the true International ROC instead, but I digress, as always!

I first learned about the Eye Rock 500 sometime last year... And was very excited about it! As Clyde had even promised to help me participate... By surreptitiously donating the vehicle, a flamboyant purple Pontiac Grand Prix; You know? The ones made famous by the Pontiac marketing wide track jingle; “Wider is Better!”

As you see, (Pun intended!) today marks a very significant milestone for Mwah; your humble scribe... Of one I’m not exactly fond of, but nevertheless occurred a decade ago when it was best decided that I NO longer be allowed to operate a motor vehicle...

And as one of the band members of Death Cab for Cutie said during the Bumbershoot performance; NOT to get too heavy, but... My milestone PAILS MISERABBLY in contrast to so many others, as the likes of Alex Zanardi, Davey Hamilton and Wayne Rainey come to mind for starters... As I’m quite certain that those are just the tip of the iceberg, eh?

Yet, while I assume we all marveled at the triumphs of Olympic superstars Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt, I myself was much more intrigued by the story of this year’s Paralympics, which were also held in China.

As winning bidder NBC relentlessly pummeled us around the clock with this year’s Olympics, I’m totally unaware of any such Television coverage of the corresponding Paralympics, I mean HELL! Couldn’t they have been hosted on some Basic Cable channel?

And perhaps you’ve heard about South African double amputee Oscar Pistorius, along with all of the swirling controversy of whether or not he could compete in Beijing this summer? Of which he ultimately won his legal battle to compete, but unfortunately was unable to qualify due to his time being too slow...

Thus, I found myself compelled to listen daily to the New York Times for any stories about various American athletes, marveling at such examples as; Nick Scandone, Barbara Buchan and Marlon Shirley.

Along with other less heralded names competing. As in just one typically touching story, consider the plight of Nick Scandone, who at age 43 is intent to go out in a blaze of glory vs. his impending death from Lou Gehrig’s disease,

Meanwhile, after spending awhile scouring le internets... With NO luck, I’ve failed to come up with any further results in regards to whether or not the Eye Rock 500 was contested this year, as I simply sit behind the glow of the computer’s monitor as another “Armchair Quarterback” on Monday morning...

And as typical news reporting goes, there was NO follow-up reports that I’m aware of in regards to Scandone and co-sailor Maureen McKinnon-Tucker’s two person Sailboat competition... But I have managed to find out the results in which the duo were victorious...

Scandone and McKinnon-Tucker grab Gold in China

Issues for the Blind

On this somewhat symbolic day for me, I thought I’d share just a few of the multitude of thought bubbles bouncing around inside my ever increasing Cranium...

Silent, but Deadly?
These are just two of the countless headlines that have grabbed my attention over the past few months;

Toyota surpasses millionth Prius…
GM projects 85% of all sales hybrids by 2020?

Yet, as I’m becoming increasingly more aware of, blind and visually impaired persons tend to rely on their hearing more likely then their lack of vision... And NO “Heightened Awareness” jokes here, please...

Thus, should Hybrid technology vehicles be required to emit an audible sound? For my part, I’d definitely say YES! But as always, the Auto Manufacturers are most likely squeamish over such ideas and fighting mightily to have any such legislation implemented.

Yet, my favourite solution in regards to this dilemma is the sounds of pounding horses hoof beats being triggered when any pedestrian comes into close contact with the occupants of a hybrid car produced in Italy...

Hybrid car concerns

Digital rules to include the Blind?
As an avid viewer of Motorsports, I constantly fret about the impending switch to all digital broadcasts beginning this February 2009... As I prefer to stay ‘Ol School and utilize my persnickity VCR... As typical, manufacturers tend to NOT take into consideration the needs of the Blind and visually impaired... And thus I’m left pondering how will I manage to record those truly important events such as Formula 1, GP2 and Indy Car races that predominantly come on at all sorts of hours, especially too DAMN early for us Left Coast viewers, i.e.; set the VCR for SPEED’s 3AM GP2 program, etc.

Chevrolet turns 100

Today marks the 100th Birthday of Chevrolet, as on September 16, 1908 incorporation papers were filed and the company quickly rose to become the world’s Number 1 Auto Manufacturer...

Yet, like its remaining two adversaries of Detroit’s crumbling “Big Three;” Ford and Chrysler, Chevy has fallen on hard times after riding a long wave of credibility due to its dependence upon SUV’s and Pickup trucks, along with artificially controlled oil prices and a total unwillingness to reinvest and modernize its Corporate infrastructure, instead simply trying to sell its same staid products in new overseas markets...

Thus, although Chevy will finally roll out its much hyped Volt EV automobile today, don’t expect too much celebrating from the company that’s lost $57.5 Billion in the last 18 months and is trying feverishly to grease the skids for a $25 Billion handout which will cost the US Taxpayer and additional $7.5b in interest...

Versus Dream Team?

Last week on the Autosport Radio show, Mr. Donald Kay had a great ‘lil broadcast with Flinstone Indy Lites driver James Davidson, Broadcaster Extraordinaire Bob Jenkins and Conquest Motorsports Team Owner Eric Bachelart...

Mr. Kay started off the show by saying how the audience had gone wild when he suggested the broadcast booth line-up for next year’s Versus television channel’s coverage of the Indy Car World Series.

Host: Bob Jenkins
Colour Commentator: Davey Hamilton
“Antagonist” Eddie Cheever

Which does pose an interesting question? As I’m guessing the likes of former voice of the 500; Host Paul Page and his colour commentator sidekick Mike Dunn, along with pit reporters Dave Rieff and Gary Gerould are contracted to ESPN2’s NHRA Drag Racing, while I’d assume that Marty Reid, Scott Goodyear and all of the bubbly pit lane personalities will stick with ABC for their 5 race deal, since there’s always some N-Car Lite race to cover after the month ‘O May, eh?

Just as long as they DON’T bring back Mr. Insert Sponsor Here Rick Benjamin... And I’m guessing Derek Daly is too provocative? But I’d take Jon Beekhuis over Mr. Cheever any day...

So, who would you like to see in the Versus broadcast booth?

If you’re really wound-up over this issue, you can try emailing Versus via their website: Versus TV and hunting for their contact info...

SHANKED!

Otay, it’s probably just me... As I spent way too much time watching car racing this weekend, yet once again those bleepin’ IDIOTS at The Deuce, a.k.a. ESPN2 have totally TORQUED ME OFF!!! As I made the mistake of choosing to watch the Indy Car race on the Telescreen instead of listening to it live via le internets...

Turning on the TV a tad early, oh SHEISA! There’s Woman’s golf on once again... Wonder if they’ll hit their balls into the sand traps? Or perhaps another mega hole, NO! You take the win playoff?

Fortunately the American Le Mans Series race was on SPEED at the same time, so my remote got quite a workout, trying to see if the ladies had managed to find the 18th hole yet? And then the announcer pissed me off by saying;’ “The Indy Car race from Sonoma is coming up next and you can catch the pre-race on ESPN Classic...” But who in the HELL has the FRILLIN’ El Classico station on their overpriced cable TV service? And thus I made a pact right then and there as we were now nearly 15 minutes past the published start time... I’m NOT watching anymore Indy Car races on TV the rest of this season! As interestingly, as I got the confuzer to warm-up in order to log onto the IMS Radio Network, at nearly 22 minutes past the command was just being given to start engines and thus I didn’t miss a beat of the Sears Point event...

And I’ve lived thru the pain of NOT having a cable channel that hosts motorsports action, as in NOT having SPEED for nearly two seasons... Before actually buying a freakin’ satellite system which is a whole nother story for some other time, eh?

Yet, I’m beginning to think that perhaps the Versus TV deal WON’T be such a bad thing after all next year and ESPN can continue slobbering all over RASSCAR and those other Stick ‘N Ball sports...

And oh yeah Jeff, I currently get Versus on my Comca$t cable service...

Ticket Schumozzle

TICKETS? WE DON’T HAVE YOUR STINKIN’ GRAND PRIX TICKETS!

On my past trip to Der Fatherland, I learned a very important lesson, which I suppose many of you already know about... That obviously you get what you pay for, as I attempted playing Grand Prix travel guide for myself in lieu of going with Grand Prix Tours, who are an excellent company, just a bit on the high side in terms of pricing.

Thus having decided to attend this year’s German Grand Prix at the Hockenheimring, obviously I needed to secure all of the nefarious items, i.e.; air fare, lodging and Grand Prix tickets. Thus I attempted to purchase my race tickets via le internets thru grandprix-tickets... Of which a funny thing happened, I suppose in the OVER-HYPED world ‘O FEAR! As my credit card purchase was denied and startlingly the telephone rang just moments after trying to make the purchase... As my esteemed credit card’s security division (Ja Volt! Wezs hazs wazes...) was calling me to say that somebody was trying to purchase GP Tickets from an overseas vendor; Uh-DUH!

You know how ‘dem wood-be Terrorists may be tryin’ to go on Holiday in-between bombing jobs, eh?

Thus I was assured that my purchase would go thru upon my second attempt of booking the race tickets from said internets vendor... But, here’s where things get strange and the two OFFENDING parties are still playing the “Good Cop vs. Bad Cop” routine, of which I’ve NOT experienced since dealing with my former employer and its representative in$urance company...

As my ticket purchase was now confirmed via F1-GPT instead of grandprix-tickets, to which I paid no special interest to.

Having confirmed my racing tickets purchase in early February, four+ months prior to the event, July seemed like a very long time away, eh? Yet, in mid-June I decided to enquire about when exactly I’d be receiving my Grand Prix tickets? Of which Robert of the Sales department of F1-GPT replied that the tickets would be mailed to my home address 2-3 weeks prior to the race event, of which sent mild alarms of concern in me as we’d be departing two weeks prior to the race in order to acclimatize ourselves to the German time zone, which is +9hrs for us.

Thus I sent a reply email to Robert informing him of the exact date we’d be leaving for Germany and my concerns regarding ticket delivery, needing the tickets to arrive at my domicile by NO later then +16 days prior to the Hockenheim race... To which Robert replied; “When do you leave?”

So I shot back Robert another email, this time with my departure date in BOLD CAPITALIZED letters and Robert simply replied; “Send me the Colone address.” And then promised that they’d arrive in Colone Germany on the day PRIOR to our arrival in Germany... Yeah, you’re probably getting way ahead of me, but guess what? HA-HA! NO GP tickets when we finally arrived in Colone that Wednesday evening, (July 9th) of which then began a chain reaction of several email inquiries to Robert regarding where in the HELL are our FRILLIN’ Grand Prix Tickets... (YOU BASTARDOES!) As of course each day passed in Germany with NO racing tickets delivery.

And adding insult to injury, it appears that we received a tracking number which showed that the tickets had stopped in Colone before continuing onto Seattle, WA! As it was now just nine, or was that mien dazes ‘til the Hockenheim race and still NO race tickets and therefore we’d yet to purchase our train tickets... Thus we were forced to go into semi-panic mode as I volunteered Mi Madre to drive out to my Apartment complex after having called them to explain the situation and give her permission to retrieve my mail... Of which gratefully she did and then preceded to priority mail them to us...

Meanwhile, somewhat confident that the tickets would arrive, Claire & I decided to head off to Paris for two nights while awaiting the FedEx delivery... But, Oh NO! Although the FedEx goons were more then happy to leave my very expensive (multiple hundred dollars) piece of specialized Zoomtext software outside the door of my apartment, they weren’t allowed to leave it in our hosts mailbox in Colone. And thus Vladi had to telephone them, saying he’d leave written permission to leave the item in said mailbox the following day...

And thus our Grand Prix tickets were FINALLY delivered on Thursday, *July 17th; Just-in-Time) one day prior to our departure for the Hockenheimring!

Since my return, I’ve emailed both Grand Prix-Tickets and F1-GPT MULTIPLE times... And you guessed it! “Its NOT OUR COMPANIES FAULT...” Why, NO, it’s the other parties fault and they’re NOT responsible for my ticket schumozzle... Of which all I’m seeking is re-imbursement of the $50.00 FedEx overnight mailing fee I incurred... As Robert of F1-GPT assured me that the tickets would be mailed to Colone two weeks prior to the race and then FAILED to deliver upon his promise. Hence, since neither of these BASTARDOES will fess-up, as F1-GPT will NOT even reply to my email inquiries and grandprix-tickets have become increasingly RUDER with each email reply...

Therefore, obviously I will NEVER do business with them again! And strongly suggest that you watch your back if you so desire to do business with these companies...

NW SNUBBED AGAIN!

Nope! I’m NOT talking ‘bout the great Sears Point Raceway that some have affectionately designated as being located in “SNORE-HOMA.” NO, I’m talking ‘bout ‘dat supposed “Clean Sheet ‘O Paper” that Indy Car promised in regards to the 2009 calendar. Can I get a price check on aisle 9 for a six pack ‘O Charmin toilet paper...

Thus I found it very infurirating that once again Tony George and his band of ‘lil Merry men (TA; Terry “Muskrat Luv” Angstadt, Joey “Look Ma! NO Hands!” Chitwood, Brian Braveheart, etc.) SNUBBED Portland, Oregon...

SHAME ON YOU INDYCAR!!!

And while I really DON’T wanna get into the whole Oval Track vs. Road Course hoopla, or my new favourite word learned in Germany; BULL SHEISA!!! Unfortunately the Red Flag has been waved in front of my face once again, as some of the Blogosphere is chanting Ole, Ole! In hopes of having an ALL Oval Indy Car calendar, but as Don Henley once sang; GET OVER IT!

Thus I was surprised to learn that Portland International Raceway went ahead with its previously scheduled 2008 Champ Car event date and hosted the Mazda Grand Prix of Portland after all, this past July 27th, while the majority of Open Wheel Racing’s attention was focused upon The Thrill from West Hill Up North Eh? And all of ‘dem FREE Subway Sandwiches...

The Portland event was a sign of just how far things have sunk in the Northwest racing scene, as the event’s headliner was the Star Mazda series, albeit a double header race outing, with the Jetta TDI Cup, Mazda MX5 Cup and “Starzs ‘O Karting cast as supporting races... Aye Karumba!

Did somme-body say Maz-Duh MX5 Cup? Why this gives me flashbacks of ‘Ol Timer USAC Midget piloto Robin Miller gleefully recapping the 2007 Chump Carzs event for The Speed Report with the Nat-like screeching of “Me Tooze” (Miata’s) droning on behind him...

As I was actually one of the few Diehard’s to sit thru the Me-Tooze racing session, well actually I watched the start but they were so FLIPPIN’ SLOW that I couldn’t bear to watch them any further and sauntered back to my hotel instead. But the long winded point is...

Although Indy Car’s hands may have been tied by various tracks having existing contracts and kissing the ARSES of others. (Can you say Bruton Smith?) I’m still quite befuddled how Portland could be left outta the mix... Although crowd attendance has been down the past few years largely due to the PATHETIC WATERED DOWN Racing Series formerly known as CCWS, Mr. Miller claims that there wasn’t even 20,000 spectators at the 2007 event...

And I could see this being true, since I was there for ALL 3 Days ‘O Action, as in Friday, Saturday and Sunday... And a few thoughts come to mind upon this miniscule crowd figure, as the Portland Champ Car race used to be the cities largest single day event with 65,000+. (And that’s REAL Attendance, NOT “Juan ‘O ‘dem” Kentucky sell-outs!)

First of all it RAINED the entire day Saturday, as I sat frigidly motionless the entire day at my metal grandstand watching the cars hydroplaning down the front straightaway into the Festival Curves. (Where cars actually OVERTAKE one another) And I recall leaving the track after ALL of the competitors had splish splashed they’re way thru their respective sessions being so cold that my teeth wouldn’t stop chattering!

Secondly, in an ignoramus attempt to “bundle” the Champ Car weekend, the city of Portland lumped the event with the 100th Anniversary of the Rose Festival with the Rose Festival Parade being held on race morning... So with the threat of another day’s precipitation, 17 cars on the grid and The Hamburgular (S. Bourdais) running roughshod over the entire grid, its NOT hard to understand why the attendance was down...

Yet, I ask... Is Portland LESS DESERVING than Homestead? As I’ve seen numerous reports claiming that it too only draws 20,000 spectators *to an Oval NO less!) and that its Fans don’t give a SHIT ‘bout the event, which I can tell you, the majority of PIR attendee’s do, as I’m constantly amazed at how many have been going for nearly two decades! Perhaps it’s just that the fellow Northwest racing enthusiast can smell a RAT! And ultimately tired of such a sad product? I mean just think if there was one unified racing series... Ta-Duh?

Of course Portland wasn’t the only ex-Champ Car race to end up on Terry Angstadt’s cutting room floor, as Cleveland and Houston also got cut, which is entertaining since they’re both Mike Lanigan events, although I don’t see Houston ever going back into play while they’re some blowhard named Eddie “The Goose” Gossage shootin’ off his trap...

And supposedly Loudon and Las Vegas were looked at, but didn’t make the cut for extraneous reasons, like the Los Wage$ amphitheater having way too MANY seats, i.e.; 120,000+

So, it appears for the time being my closest Champ, Err Indy Car World Series events will be the two Californications; Long Beach and everyone’s favourite road course... You know the “Juan” up in sleepy ‘lil SNORE-HOMA... Which I’ve been to twice and is a great little track with massive elevation change, just extremely hard to pass upon and it’s a wee bit out in the booney’s...

But hey! Give me Portland ANY day! As we do truly appreciate our road racing up here and it seems obvious that Attendance is NOT the core reason for certain venues being selected to ‘lil Napoleon’s schedule... I mean if Iowa can swing a date on 35,000 then give Portland International Raceway a chance!

Back in the USSR?

Here comes the Helicopter
Second time today
If I had a rocket launcher
I’D BLOW THAT SUCKER AWAY!
(Bruce Cockburn, Stealing Fire, 1983)


I’d guess that my case ‘O JET-RAG FEVER must’ve finally broken this morning... As I was rudely awoken to the sound of my most favourite “McChopper,” (NOT!) a sound I’d conveniently NOT heard for an entire blessed three weeks... “As did I have a Dream or did the Dream have me?” (RUSH; Vapor Trails, 2002)

As abruptly around 5:47AM I heard the DREADED sound of the “Sno-homer” County “CHiP’s” Sherriff’s helicopter buzzin’ overhead, SHEISA! (Oh whale! At least it AIN’T Sherriff Joe of Maricopa County, eh?) But wait, it came back again a second time? Closer, LOUDER and in full stereophonic (Dolby TX) surround sound as they must’ve forgotten to take their doughnuts, eh? And then the tranquil BLEEP-BLEEP of a neighbor’s car door alarm as it was time to go to work at 5:51AM, doppelte Scheiße!

Call me spoiled rotten, but I’ve become much more accustomed to the symphonic drone of the overly large hooting Doves in Bergisch-Gladbach (Germany) vs. the dreaded shrill of the minuscule bleepin’ Starlings outside my humble abode’s window...

Can it already be nearly one week since Mary Ellen & Co. dropped me off around 11PM, after an amazingly fast paced non-stop action packed two weeks in Germany along with an impromptu trip to Paris! And thus, I was tired, sore, sick and completely "Knackered!"

So I finally went to bed around midnight after having awoken at 4AM in Koln, (Colone) Germany, having been a very long tiring day... Ja Volt! “I've got blisters...” (Oh Never mind!) As we’d just gone via two trains to Dusseldorf to fly to Heathrow (Which SUCKS!!!) And then to SeaTac which was surprisingly pleasant and Customs was way LESS of a PAIN IN THE ARSE then London.

You see, I made the mistake of trying to carry on my newly acquired corkscrew, since it’s considered a LETHAL WEAPON as I might use it to “MacGyver” the cockpit door off our Airbus A330 Aeroplane and is strictly VERBOTTEN, Ja Volt! (Yet my METAL collapsible walking stick, with SEMI-SHARP CONCEALED METAL TIP was only curiously looked at!) Thus, this meant after putting all of our clothes back on... We’d had to go and check my carry-on backpack in Heathrow, if I wished to keep the present?

In order to do so, we needed to fill out a Landing Card in order to check-in my corkscrew, as the Customs Agent seemed most surprised when Claire said she needed to accompany me since I was Blind… Oh, what do you mean by that? Well your sign says “Only One person at a time.” It does? Where does it say that?

… “Purpose of visit?”
Oh, we have to check in a BLOODY corkscrew that I bought in Paris... Which brought a wry smile to his face!

Then back upstairs to print our boarding passes and proceed thru the next gauntlet… Where the first high school aged security Boffin asked:

“Do you know each other?”
Reason of visit?

“We’re trying’ to check-in a BLOODY corkscrew…
(Whale actually it doesn’t have any blood on it yet hya-hya-hya… But, Y’all know the routine ‘bout absolutely ZERO joking in Airports, eh?)

Ok, right, can I just have you both step over here please… While I get things sorted.

This led to his superior… Another pimply faced security boy pulling us outta line ‘cause Claire was traveling with an expired US Passport since she’s a “KUH-NAID-IUN” citizen… And Uh DUH! Was traveling under her current Canadian Passport! (How dare she!)

To which after a multitude of phone calls by this second security Boffin… We were given some goobley-gock about how Immigration had been on “The Fence” but the Airline hadn’t given a “CRAP” so we were allowed to complete our flight’s final leg and re-enter Washington Airspace as long as Claire promised to drive home to Canada immediately the next day! (Do NOT pass go! Do NOT collect your $200.00, just get your lily white ARSE Up North Eh? DON’T uze just hate those Freakin’ Dual Citizen Hosers...)

WHY that was mighty white of ‘dem BLOODY Brits! Yet in Amsterdam it was simply where are you going? Germany, Stamp-Stamp (Passports) Next!

So, having managed to nearly lose my voice after getting dehydrated at the race on Sunday, (Yeah, NOT enough BitBurger’s I suppose?) I decided to take the phone off the hook and try to just sit still for a few days, and NOT have anybody BUMP into me... As I thought I was the Blind guy, but people sure DON'T seem to move outta the way too much in Europe for somebody walking with a white cane…

Batteries NOT included

Holy Motorola radios Batman! Come in Batman… Err Princess Danicker, I said move over for TK! I repeat, move over for TK! So, it was pretty funny to hear that AGR did NOT believe Danica towards her radio NOT working, as I’m not sure what the deal was, but I’d guess that drivers filling’s were also taking a beating on the bumpy Canadian temporary road course, eh?

Quote of the week has to go to Paul Tracy when asked about his thoughts on Edmonton’s race track;

“It’s like Cleveland on Steroids!”

Which of course could have been the reason why so many radio connections weren’t working, eh?

And wouldn’t it be nice to see somebody else beside the big three win a few races… As in imagine Newman Haas Lanigan or KV Racing Technology stepping up to the plate to dethrone AGR, Ganassi and Penske… Nah, AIN’T gonna happen anytime soon, but perhaps, just perhaps next year?

And how ‘bout that court jester Paul Tracy, eh? I’d say he made quite the statement with a 4th place finish in only his second race of the year and first in “Juan ‘O ‘dem CRAP Wagons!”

YO Princess! Somebody named Mikey is on line three...

Electricity

Whale it certainly was a most exciting weekend race wise… As there was a little of everything; RAIN, Wind, Fireworks, Slithering, Sloppiness, Razor thin Finishes, all we were missin’ was some sleet ‘N snow, eh?

But I found this weekends usage of ze confUZer most confounding… As for some STRANGE, unknown reason Indy Car has switched its radio broadcasts into webcasts… Which meant we got more of Marty Reid, Scott Goodyear and company, as I tuned in early to listen to qualifying and this was most amusing as they had open mikes and we got to hear Marty call Vince Neil “SMART ASS!” As they were bantering ‘bout the temperature, but what I didn’t get was that the entire first live webcast went the entire show WITHOUT a SINGLE commercial break! Which is simply unbelievable in this day and age of OVER-COMMERCIALIZATION which is simply way TOO prevalent in our daily lives.

Then I tried tunin’ in for Danny B’s radio debut, which of course first required me signing up as a member so I can be inundated with SPAM! (Can you say Commercialism?) Of course the first account I tried signing up with didn’t work and I had to repeat the process several times before I was accepted.

Next, after arising early for the show’s 6AM start on the Left Coast, I logged-in a few minutes early and everything was fine, with streaming audio until it was time for The Voice of the Fan to begin… As I tried re-logging in repeatedly, I even went to the ‘Ol standby of re-bootin’ ze confUZer and still couldn’t get the blasted show to work as it took me 25 minutes to finally get The Fan/1070’s CRAPY signal to finally work and stay connected! That way I could hear Danny, Chuck and Leah blather on ‘bout Indiana’s mainstream sports franchises, i.e.; Pacers, Colts, etc.

Then after a WET ‘N WOOLY British Grand Prix, in which Louise “JAGUAR” Hamilton put on an exceptional driving clinique while truly STOMPIN’ everyone’s ARSE in the wet stuff… I decided I’d prefer to listen to the Indy Car race via Le Internets on the IMS Radio Network… RIGHT, Ha-Ha-Ha SUCKER… As I scrolled down to the “LIVE” radio link which said; “Live Watkins Glen Race at 3PM” (ET) I clicked on the link and was greeted by the voice of Scott Dixon welcoming me to the Indy Car countdown before the broadcast defaulted to the Saturday night Richmond Wreck-fest… WHAT THE HELL? So I logged off and back on again and got the same results… After trying this a few times I logged off, rebooted ze confUZer and logged into Indy500.com (Which is a much HARDER page to use then Indy Car, which I thought would be impossible… Aye Karumba!) And the broadcast did the exact same thing… Going to the Richmond race with Mike King and Davey Hamilton, SHEISA! Guess I’m gonna have to watch the ABC Commercial Festiva after all as le Internets NEVER did hook up in sync and stream today’s race,

So after all of that, I decided to stay “OLD School” and watch The Speed Report and Wind Tunnel via luh Memorex instead of tryin’ to tune-in to Speed Freaks via le Internets as I’d already had way TOO many problema’s tryin to tune-in programs this weekend… And DON’T even get me started with my Autosport Radio technical difficulties… And now upon having written this scathing editorial about the life ‘O Tomaso and his electronic Gremlins, whada uze knows? Blogger WON’T upload the stinkin’ images of the mighty Pratt & Whitney “Corncob” engine.

SON ‘O a BITCH! Gotta Run…

Oh Yeah, almost forgot, what in the HELL was the name of that racin’ mobile Ryan “The Dude” Hunter Reay was driving? Somme-thung ‘bout Richola menthol cough drops, Err, Methanol… Oh yeah, I think it was the Eethanol machine?

Hmm? Hoonter Re-aih’s sponsorship pluggin’ made me think of that popular drinking’ game… You know a shot ‘O Jaggermeister every time The Dude says Eethanol, ACK!

IRL’s newest poster child?

Although according to the IRL’s Brian Barnhart on Danica being a Menace; “She’s No more of a Menace then some Reporters…”

All I can say is that Princess better be on her best behaviour or a Dan-Dan-Danicker STOMP may just seal the deal!

UPDATE
Why did this portion of Saturday night’s IMS Radio Broadcast bring me so much glee? As I sat smiling and laughing as IMS’s Davey Hamilton reported on the scanner traffic they’d been listening to involving AGR teammates Hideki Mutoh and Danica Patrick, who was seeking a way past the Japanese driver in order to keep from being put a lap down by then race leader Marco Andretti.

Hamilton: We’d love to tell you what Danica’s been saying, but we CAN’T!
Mike King: Yeah, that’s right, but this is a Family Show.
Hamilton: Yeah, it’s definitely NOT PG Rated
King: Yes, and we’d lose our license to the FCC if we told you…

Oh, Princess… What’s duh Matter, Mutoh isn’t just simply pulling over for you?

Unfortunately, Mutoh was forced to retire late in the race when he broke his driveshaft while trying to exit pit lane… And of course the crack IMS broadcast crew were “Johnny on the spot,” asking if he’d been blocking Princess Danicker?

NO, Dan-Dan-Danicker is my teammate… I give her extra room because I know she’s my teammate... To which Hamilton seemed to support saying there really wasn't any issue.

Of course Danica had an entirely different view after completing the race… WHHHAAAAAAHHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

GET OVER IT DANICA!

Fox Bites

Once again it’s the WORST portion of the Formula 1 season as I ABSOLUTELY DREAD the DUMBING DOWN PORTION of Television coverage shown on FOX…

As their Formula 1 coverage is ABSOLUTELY ABYSMAL!!! Although at least this year they’ve wisely decided to utilize the commentating crew from their “Little Seester’s” network SPEED… But unfortunately in deference to mainstream TV programming have opted for only a two hour telecast… Which means NO 30 minute Pre-race show, which includes the brilliant Peter Winsor shuffling about the race grid…

And then once again, FOX TOTALLY BLEW IT!!! As they bludgeoned the post race interviews of which were of historic proportions... Which left me screaming at the Telescreen FOX SUCKS!!! F%%KING ASSHOLES!!!

And what was all of the rush for? Well immediately following the BOTCHED Broadcast was an overwhelmingly STUPID “Info-mercial” for a low budget competitor of the Bosley “Just For Men” Hair Transplant club… As I’d say FOX could use some of this product to cover the ASS WHOOPIN” they deserve…

: Deutschmarks for Max ‘N Bernie?

While the hottest story in Formula 1 continues to be the swirling controversy over Maxxum-gate and whether or not he’ll remain as the head of the FIA? As the show down in “Gay Paree” is soon to be held on June 3rd, its now been reported that a member of MI5’s, (Britain’s counterpart to our beloved CIA) wife, a Dominatrix is the woman who led five prostitutes in the plot to discredit MAD MAX Mosley…

Yet as the point-counterpoint or counterpunching continues, while Sir Maxxum continues to agitate on several fronts, a new report has come to light claiming that MAD MAX took part in a meeting with a Barrister of the Benetton team prior to the FIA’s “Open” handling of the Hockenheim pit fire which seared five crew members, including SPEED’s Professor Matchett and driver Jos “The BOSS” Verstappen… As said meeting was to discuss how to handle the affair prior to appearing before the World Motor Sport Council, but, the kicker to this story is who accompanied Sir Maxxum, none other than Emperor Bernardo, a.k.a. Bernie Ecclestone…

As this story would have you considering the ramifications towards the Benetton team if they hadn’t found some “Junior” employee to throw under the bus and get off with merely a slap on the hand regarding the mysteriously missing fuel filter, that enabled a faster flow rate during refueling stops; As much as up to one second during an eight second stop…

As this occurred during the summer of 1994, just prior to Michael Schumacher becoming Germany’s very first World Champion, defeating Damon Hill by one point after landing atop the Brit “Down Under…”

Yet, this story further claims that MAD MAX and Emperor Bernardo were keen to have Herr Schumacher win the title as this would ultimately lead to humongous payouts, rumoured as much as $190 million per season from Germany’s RTL Television, one of the FIA’s largest contributors, while Ecclestone’s Family Trust has supposedly benefited to the tune of $1.3 Billion!

SHEISA! What will we do when there’s NO MORE Sir Maxxum and “The Penguin,” a.k.a. Mr. Ecclestone to kick around?

Danicker does Indy!

Reading Jeff’s scribblings of his from the seats viewpoint at the Brickyard, he mentioned some slightly intoxicated Yeah-hoo telling Sarah Fisher to get off the track… After first stalling her Honda lump and then by NO fault of hers T-Boning a pirouetting Tony Kanaan… As yes, indeedie… Sarah did break into tears during her shortened interview with Jamie Little…

Yet, I gained even more respect for TK, who told Fisher to cry her head off on his shoulder in the Ambulance, but please don’t cry out there for me… As Kanaan said she was apologizing to him as it WASN’T her fault and he was totally aware of her situation… So, thankfully they cut the interview short when she started crying… Which was totally warranted.

As for Princess Danicker, it was entertaining to hear Judy from Seattle, WA tell Dave Despain on wind Tunnel that evening; Danica has done a public INJUSTICE for ALL Women with her behavior on Pit lane… C’mon Dave, was she having PMS, Judy asked! As it was hilarious hearing Despain trying to back pedal and defend CRYBABY Danica’s actions by saying she had NO idea the cameras were focused upon her to which I screamed BULLSHIT!!! THEY’VE BEEN ON HER THE WHOLE FREAKIN’ MONTH, GOMER! (You mean Danica isn’t aware of the media’s frenzy over her?)

Yet, as for “Dust-ups” between (Male) drivers, let’s NOT forget one of Champ Car’s most infamous… Alex Tagliani vs. Paul “Chrome Horn” Tracy at San Jose, (2006) as TAG rightly dropped the F-BOMB ‘bout 17 times on live TV after PT had stupidly pulled out straight in front of him after having gone off on an escape road… Which I’m sure gave TAG flashbacks of Zanardi at the Lausitzring… This was then replicated at Denver the next race with PT taking out the Hamburgular, a.k.a. Sea Bass on the final corner of the final lap, which saw Bourdeau saunter across the tarmac and slap PT before walking away. This in turn led to Tracy’s crowd pleasing tactics in Montreal as the French Quebecer’s had been up in arms over Tracy’s comments about how they couldn’t fight without taking their helmets off… As Mr. Chrome Horn took advantage of the situation while donning a blue wrasslin’ mask and cape, but I digress…

As once again the Danica divide will undoubtedly grow even larger after her command performance at Indy this year… While Danny B. noted shouldn’t she be FINED for walking down Pit lane? As ironically wasn’t it Princess’s chassis which struck an out of place Charles Buckman… As for the Danicker mania fervor, you can read a different perspective in; Once again Fisher can’t catch a break.

And does anybody know where I can pic ‘em-up a Princess Danicker Bobble head?

ALL WET?

Not to try and RAIN on Joey Chitwood’s parade of how Everything’s Better at the Speedway… With the redundant Attendance is UP rhetoric…

But is it just me who thinks we’re definitely in a recession, or have you noticed the apparent LACK of $ponsorship MISSING from the sidepods of several of this year’s aspiring IndyCars, as Graham Rahal, Sarah Fisher and John Andretti come to mind. Not to mention the Townsend Bell Olive Green machine…

Yet, out of this group, I really feel bad for Sarah Fisher who apparently may need a Collection Agency to get promised sponsors Gravity Entertainment and ResQ, to pony up the intended money they’ve promised her.

Don’t know if Sarah’s accepting donations, but her website address is: http://www.sarahfisher.com/faq/faq.html


Good Luck Sarah, hopefully we’ll see you tying Lyn St James record for most starts by a female at the Speedway this May!

Credentials

CREDENTIALS??? WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ CREDENTIALS!!!

For obvious reasons this thought came to me while watching the Turkish GP Pre Race show, when the House of Winsor noted that the efferfesant Emperor Bernardo, nee FIA issues OVER 4,000 Press Credentials per event…

HMM? Hey Mr. Jeff Olson, what do uze think of ‘dem apples, eh? DON’T suppose those are BLOODY WANKERS just having fun or dare I say it? Knuckle bashin’ Butchers ‘O Wurds Bloggers, as it seems that the FIA isn’t too concerned over the number of media? Types obtaining precious F1 Press Credentials at the moment. Hope they aren’t making too much of a deafening racket wherever they show up at, eh?

Sniff Petrol

While crossing the border into the States from my recent journey to the Great White North, with the absence of US Border Agents whom were apparently once again on their lunch break? I had time to ponder the following thoughts, as our Greyhound bus driver so frustratingly noted… It’s NOT like they DON’T know we’re coming, since we arrive at the same time every day! But hey, we’ll come out and get you when we Damn well feel like it…

Thus I sat there staring at the NEVER ending convoy of diesel Semi-haulers streaming across the border as it was simply Wall to Wall Tractor Trailers at least two or three lanes wide… And to think we’re gonna Wien ourselves off of that NASTY black oily stuff, eh? Yet this black tar gold is apparently what the Turks are currently bombing the Kurds over… Not to mention that we’ve just recently passed the anniversary of the Armenian massacre that the Turkish Government refuses to recognize…

And while listening to the CBC News for any updates on Toronto’s favourite son Paul Tracy, I was immediately taken aback by the HIPPOCRACY SPEWING OUT OF our First Lady Laura “Pickles” Bush’s mouth… While apparently playing the “BLAME GAME” by pointing fingers at the Burma Junta over its apparent lack of action over the current natural disaster that has struck them… As all I could hear myself saying was; How’d that Hurricane Katrina work out?

After a ridiculously long wait I was awoken from these thoughts as our bus driver announced that we’d finally been granted permission to pull forwards and begin the ridiculous portion of our Border crossing adventure as everything needed to be removed from the bus, then please take your luggage inside to be X-Rayed while being interviewed by the Border agents…

And although I was the very last person in line, this is always a good thing as I breezed right thru while there appeared to be 4-6 other persons who’d failed to have their Visas/Paper work correctly filled out… As the man ahead of me was from Sweden and I just sat there thinking he must get a lot of jokes about playing basketball as he seemed even taller than Justin Wilson…

Having finally managed to get everybody processed and reboarded… We were only DETAINED One hour, SHEISA!

As the couple seated in front of me were from Heidelberg, Germany and were becoming concerned about what time they’d be getting into Seattle as they were trying to get to the airport in time to catch there flight back to Frankfurt and were apparently cutting it close. You see, in Germany there’s Trains running everywhere and they run on time…

They’d come to Canada to participate in some sort of running event, I believe it was a half marathon? Since the lady mentioned how you needed a time to qualify for New York since there’s so many people wanting to take part in that event, as she kibitzed with the retired school teacher lady who’d taken my seat…

I overheard that they had seven children ages 7-23 and had taken part in the running event just for fun, as I’m guessing the current exchange rate made it possible, eh? As I told them it would most likely take another hour by bus from the Bus terminal to the airport as we were surrounded by traffic everywhere the eye wandered... But hey, how ‘bout ‘dem Politicians who are currently promising to cure everything! All uze gotta do is vote for ‘dem, SHEISA!

Kingdom’s Damnation

As some of you will recall, I previously scribbled a story which included the tidbit about Davey Hamilton driving in this years upcoming Indy 500 in a third Marty Roth Racing entry.

I was” simply throwing this out there since I naively took my reputed source’s reply to my enquiry to be gospel… When asking; Who’s Davey Hamilton driving for? Upon having heard Hamilton mention his upcoming drive on Autosport Radio. Thus I ASS-SUMED that it must be old news if he was answering me about this, eh?

And all I can say is I got it from somebody in Indianapolis. (NOT Indiana Bureau Chief Danny B) Who’s obviously much closer to the Heartland of Motorsports than I. Thus, I can only speculate that this was either a bum steer given to a Blogger-head or the deal fell thru?

Thus I’m still in disbelief over the breaking news that Davey Hamilton will drive this May at the Speedway for Kingdom Racing, which Christopher “CHiPs” Estrada first broke the story on last week. As you’ll understandably deduce I’m a little gun-shy of any breaking news driver stories at the moment, having fallen foul to my previous story, although I still do NOT see any Official IMS entry listed for Kingdom Racing. (See; Marty Motegi for list of open Indy rides)

And I’m potentially going out on a limb here, but Mr. Estrada has thrown down the gauntlet so to speak, by asking you & me; What do you have to be Afraid of? (Besides the Boogie Monster, eh?) In his post: A small editorial on racing and religion

Perhaps I’m way off my rocker, (Shush Danny!) but I believe that just like Oil ‘N Water shouldn’t mix, neither should Church and State, nor Motorsports & Religion… Actually I have two major beefs with Motorsports at the moment, as I can hear Y’all saying ONLY Two?

Yet I firmly believe that first of all the Military should be FORBIDDEN from sponsoring racing teams, as I find this akin to Military recruiters frequenting Public Schools, predominantly High Schools, which should be verboten! And that’s without even going into the Tax Dollar$ at work sediments…

Secondly, I do NOT believe that any form of Religion should be allowed to own, operate or sponsor any Motor Racing teams, I mean by God! What in the HELL does this have to do with racing? Talk about the ultimate pitching of a product? While I realize previously Tobacco was a mainstay of motorsports and Alcohol is still quite prevalent, with such major sponsorship deals by Viagra, before taking its hard licks and dropping its sponsorship…

Yet, the thought of a Ministry motivated racing team such as Kingdom to me seems more then just a sponsorship endorsement and more a philosophy statement, of which we should not be forced to have thrown at us. I mean what’s next? I Believe license plates?

Thus in this newly Unified era of Open Wheel Racing, I’m finding it harder “N harder to (Rally behind the Troops) support various teams and drivers, of which I realize isn’t the drivers fault…

Yet, I have NO desire to root for Panther Racing’s Vitor Meira because of his affiliation with the National Guard, while I constantly wrestle with continuing to support my favourite ex-Champ Car, Err, Transition… Oh Crap that’s right, Indy Car World Series driver Justin Wilson who now drives for one of the largest Norte Americana Corporations… Yep, that’s right; I despise those BURNT Orange arches, a.k.a. Mac-Dougal’s.

Which brings me back to Davey Hamilton, who’s a really good guy and I wish him nothing but success, having previously intended to root for him this Month of May. But, now what do I do? As I simply cannot support Davey’s latest affiliation, yet is it Davey’s Vitor’s or Justin’s fault for doing deals to drive with such potentially provocative sponsors/teams? As I realize that they’re all racers just wishing to continue honing their craft in the profession they’ve chosen as careers.

And while I certainly would NOT wish injury to either driver, wouldn’t it be ironic if Paul “Chrome Horn” Tracy’s third Vision Racing entry sponsored by MONSTER Energy just so happened to land atop Davey Hamilton’s Kingdom Come race car at the Brickyard this May? Yeah, I know that supposedly Tracy’s lock on Monster sponsorship has theoretically faded… But I still think it would be funny!

Now, I’ve gotta run off to get my Happy Meal!

Beauty ‘N the Beast?

Don’t know if Y’all have heard the hubbub currently brewing over Jeff Olsen’s recent Speed TV article; Us vs. Them, where for reasons unknown he likened bloggers to a bunch ‘O Butcherer’s of the Journalism profession, as we simply pound away on the keyboards with our knuckles; NOT to be cornfuzed with Knuckel-drager’s, eh? (OOPS! Sorry ‘bout dat, “Juan ‘O” mezs knuckles musta gotten in ze’s way…)

Yet it surely must be somewhat of a big deal if three Top “Blogger’s” have written about it, as I first discovered the story at My Name is IRL and must say that I too feel a little bit taken back by the thoughts of somebody making such discouraging remarks…

Jeff Olsen:
“Add the growing number of untrained and unprofessional word butchers to the clutter, and objectivity goes the way of the front-engine roadster. Apparently this occupation is now open to anyone who can type with his or her knuckles, no education or experience required. No need for a degree or employment, just crown yourself a bloggist, start typing and apply for that credential. “

For those of us out there who tirelessly pound away on the keyboard, attempting to bring our thoughts & opinions into the Limelight that we dearly enjoy kibitzing about, this is a direct slap in the face… Although Olsen isn’t alone in his sediments towards us devoted Blogger’s, as I recall Robin Miller previously harping on Wind Tunnel about how in the Good ‘Ol Dazes you actually contacted people, check your sources twice before having the printing plates set-up vs. today’s environment where it’s ALL instant news as soon as anybody sneezes thanks to le internets…

Do we want Olsen’s job? HELL NO! Unless it includes all the free buffet’s “Juan” can dine at along with unlimited Tenderloin sandwiches and Creme sodas in the IMS Media Center... (Right Danny?)

But seriously, what I find most inspiring about the variety of GOOD Motorsports Blog’s out there is that they keep me up to date in a timely fashion, often before the “Big” Box” websites break the story. They offer raw opinions, not the fluffy Politically Correct jargon all of the Big Dawgs are forced to use and they ultimately offer insights and stories on subjects NOT being provided by the mainstream media.

And for me, Blog’s have an added bonus, if done right, they’re not overly graphic intensive and thus are straightforward to peruse and readable via my specialized software… As Y’all will recall that I’ve jumped on the Press Dawg bandwagon and voted SpeedTV.com the WURST Motorsports website currently on duh Wurld Wide Webb thingy…

As two more websites have joined the list of NON-Performers… (ITV-F1, TSN-Canada) As in they’ve GOOBERED their websites and now my Screen Reader cannot function upon them, but I digress…

(And rest assured Mr. Olsen, you’ve got little to worry ‘bout from the No. 1 scribe at No Fenders, as I very infrequently visit your employer’s site anymore!)

Dare I say it? Do RASSCAR “Hacks” have similar opinions towards fellow Bloggers as I’m quite certain there’s perhaps one-four of ‘dem out there on the Blogosphere… I mean HELL! Could there be something as too many writers scribbling ‘bout Open Wheel Racing, as we’re supposed to just let bygones be bygones… Sure am glad that the War ‘O Northern Agression still desn’t linger on anymore, eh?

Now, somebody pass me a Cheeseburger while I go dig-up some Johnson ‘N Johnson “Smiley Faces” band aids to put on my knuckel’s, ‘cause I’ve got blisters on my fingers from all of these hackneyed scribblin’ Anyone care for a hunk ‘O meat? Or as Mr. Olsen would say; “Where’s the Beef?”

And although I’d already been pondering dropping my RACER Magazine subscription… Which I tend to never read anymore, this seems like the perfect excuse to NOT re-up for any further subscriptions to this table pile making substance.

And it’s NOT just Blogger’s or Yak’s he’s attacking, as I believe one of the brightest Formula 1 pundits also doesn’t have a Journalism Degree? Perhaps you’ve heard of him? He sometimes goes by the handle Professor Matchett, as I seem to recall from reading the first book in his F1 Mechanic’s trilogy, that he simply bought “Juan ‘O’ ‘dem” EVIL confuzers, self taught himself how to use the blasted contraption and viola… Wrote his very first book… Prior to his employment and subsequent writing duties at SPEED.

So what dooze yuhzs thinks ‘bout ‘dem apples Messer Olsen? Psst… You’d better go check out the comments on the other Jeff’s story!

Crude joke

Although I try to hit the mute button as often as possible during the countless barrages of OVER-COMMERICALIZATION, nevertheless I did find it somewhat bemusing to notice last night while waiting “N waiting for Graham Rahal’s presence on the Telescreen… How the Automobile manufacturers have changed their advertising pitch… Playing up the virtues of how various models get the BEST gas mileage…

And ironically as I scribble this quick rant, the Radio DJ has just noted how there’s a current rash of complaints flooding local mechanics over their automobiles not running correctly, which surprise-surprise… Seems to have something to do with the lower grade octane that’s produced during the middle of the year, suggesting… Yep, you guessed it! Switching to a higher grade ‘O petrol! Of which we all know what that means, eh?

Thus, while this latest marketing blitz comes amid the continuing cycle of crude oil manipulation… I find it somewhat interesting that the Detroit News actually wrote a story about this latest phenomenon; Big Oil seems slick

Petrol Hi-Jinx

As I’ve just mentioned, I was quite shocked to learn that my Shuttle Van’s fare had been increased by another $8.00, due SOLELY to the price of petrol… As I’m sure that everybody is quite aware of the RIDICULOUS PRICE GOUGING currently transpiring at your local gasoline station…

In regards to this current manipulation of energy prices, I was privileged to overhear the two women in the van behind me chattering away nonstop; As one worked for Holland America and said the cruise liner had LOST $25 MILLION last year due to fuel prices, while the second woman said she’d just been to San Francisco to make everybody happy by raising her trucking company’s rate’s… Due to the petrol $PIKE! As her small company runs eight trucks daily on the west coast and their weekly diesel bill is $10,000.00! (Or at least that’s what it was three weeks ago…)

As you may be aware of? On April 1, 2008, the ULTIMATE APRIL FOOLS JOKE WAS PLAYED UPON THE AMERICAN PUBLIC… As five Oil Executive GOOBERS… You know part of Darth Cheney’s Energy Ta$k Force maniacally sat in front of our most impressive Congress and SHEEPISHLY Defended their rights ‘N needs to continue to overly DISGUSTING Energy Tax Credits they receive… Having just been indulged a WHOPPING $18+ BILLION SUBSIDY… As Y’all know how those BASTARDOES Have been raking in RECORD PROFITS with the cost of Oil having gone over $100 per barrel… F%%KING SHEISTERS!!!

Meanwhile as you, me and everyone at the bottom of the food chain is further squeezed by the price of EVERYTHING INCREASING (MINUS $ALARIES) The Independent Truckers were seeking some sort of fiscal relief from Curious George, a.k.a. “Raisin Brains; Chuckle Nuts or Half Man-Half Monkey!”

As I believe we’d seen a price difference of $3.16 per gallon of gasoline vs. $3.84 per gallon of diesel, which obviously is LESS than what today’s current rates are… As the Independent Truckers are supposedly going out of business at a rate of 2,500 per week as they simply cannot compete in today’s markets vs. the MEGA-Tropolis Trucking Companies…

And this doesn’t even go into the debate over how some of these MEGA-Companies operate… First by getting substantially larger fuel price discounts (40+ cents per gallon) by buying in large bulk quantities… Or the Minimal Training new trucking drivers receive… As one Independent Trucker claimed that he’d been approached by a “Rookie” driver who wanted to know how he backed his rig into loading docks. What, you mean you didn’t get any practice…

Or how apparently Swift Trucking, whose own training program churns drivers out as fast as possible and then hires them for a rate of $400 per week… Have been banned from driving a particular stretch of Highway from Missoula, Montana to Lewiston, Idaho because they were having one to two fatal accidents per week on said portion of roadway… Which has nothing to do with the trucks from South of the Border coming across State lines… Since their Trucking regulations are more laxed compared to ours…

Yet, I once read that the current household food supply travels a distance of 2,000 miles to reach our plates, which if true, paints a sorry picture upon our current DEPENDANCY on the Mother of all Evils, a.k.a. Black Tar… “Dares Oil in dem Hills!” Or are we running out of this beloved substance?

And just to complicate matters further… In case you’re getting all excited about Booby Ruble’s favorite sponsor, a.k.a. Ethanol… (I just love the smell of Methanol first thing in the morning!) Perhaps you’ve heard that this year’s planting of the yellow stuff will DECREASE… And thus with the higher demands put upon the current corn crop for the production of Ethanol, Animal Food stock and us Humans… Yep, you guessed it! The price of groceries will indeed continue to rise…

Maxxum-gate rolls on

“I’m MAD as HELL! And I’m KNOTS Gonna take itzs NO-More! Now get back here Mien Fraulein…”

And speaking of violating… Good on you mate… *Tony Cotman’s swipe at the Gerry & PT show) It’s not looking overly great for the Grand Pooh-Bah of the FIA, better known as presiding President MAD Max Mosley, a.k.a. Sir Maxxum…

Who’s just had his court action to bar Rhubarb Murdoch’s News ‘O the Wurld: DENIED… As the London court Judge said any further attempt to block showing the “Voluntarily Removed” grainy 16mm video of Sir Maxxum’s playing Alvedasei with der Snausage... Ja, bitz kin ze Barron’s Snausage? Ja Volt! Would be futile…

Meanwhile, just sent out to us aspiring motorsports hacks on official FIA stationary… HMM? Perhaps Sir Maxxum is trying to save his Deutschmarks for his defense fund? Comes word that there will be an extraordinary FIA General Assembly meeting held on June 3rd to admonish the Headmaster with a possible vote of No Confidence or better yet throw the MAD-Maxxum-Man UNDER the bus…

Better still, for all of those of you shedding a tear on your three ply charm in for Max Mosley, perhaps you’d wish to visit Full Throttle and toss a few greenbacks into the Bosley “Just for Men” Hindquarters hair transplant fund…

Oh, how the Ronster must just be reveling in Sir Maxxum’s predicament, eh?

Max exposure

While I suppose it’s NOT funny, for some strange reason I found Full Throttle’s; Springtime for Hitler post quite amusing over Sir Maxxum’s promiscuity…

Yet, obviously the Max Mosley sexcapade story isn’t diminishing as four of the major Automaker’s currently competing in Formula 1 have voiced their disapproval of Max Mosley’s behaviour, as first Mercedes Benz and BMW issued a joint statement admonishing the headmaster of their sport, publicly stating that his behaviour was disgraceful, while both Toyota and Honda quickly followed suit, with even sterner reprimands…

And this was before the ADAC; Germany’s motoring club strongly suggested Max seriously re-consider his position on the matter, as in perhaps you should step down from your post “Old Man.”

Although Jean Todt has been rumoured to be positioning himself for a run at MAD Max’s position in 2009, there’s now questions of how Todt’s friendship with Sir Maxxum will affect his candidacy? Although one would assume that with Todt’s longstanding relationship with ex-007 Bond girl-girlfriend Michele Woo, the Frenchman would be content…

And while very briefly in Washington DC, it was announced that New Your Governor Elliot Spitzer had decided to resign after being caught frolicking about with said women of the night… Although I was more impressed by his replacement; Lt. Governor David Paterson, who’s not only the first African American elevated to such a position, but the fact that he’s also the very first legally blind person to hold such a post!

Thus, I found it a bit surprising that the FOX owned SPEED Channel reporters seemed to shy away from the matter completely during Friday’s qualifying episode, especially after Bob Varsha revealed that the British tabloid; The News of the World, which had published the story with grainy video was also owned by SPEED’s parent company, F-O-X. Yet, at the 55 minutes to go mark the subject of Sir Maxxum was finally brought up when Peter Winsor asked the always insightful “Wee Scot,” better known as Sir Jackie (Stewart) for his thoughts on a subject he’d most likely not be asked about…

And I find it amazing how diplomatic Sir Jackie stays no matter how many times he’s been lambasted by MAD Max… Yet, never afraid to answer any question and just said it’s a very sad situation… Even if it is his private life and these allegations are found to be true, I think it’s sad an I think his position is untenable… Just look at what happened to the Governor of New York who decided his position was compromised, but I suppose it’s still early days yet?

Adding fuel to the fire was Sir Maxxums non-denial denial that he’d be staying in London this weekend to plan his upcoming holiday, Err, work on his legal defense when indeed the Crown Prince of Bahrain; Sheikh Salman Bin Hamad Al-Khalifa had forbidden him entrance into his Kingdom.

Meanwhile other various International motoring clubs are voicing there disapproval in various ways over Mosley’s tawdriness, with some already stating that they’ll vote against Max in the upcoming special FIA meeting. Thus, it seems more and more unlikely that Max Mosley can continue on as the FIA president and should indeed resign his post…

Miami vice

Well it’s time to begin the much ballyhooed 2008 Indy Car World Series racing season as there will actually be a “FULL” grid taking the green flag at Homestead with 24 of the 26 cars entered, competing underneath the lights.

And although I was gonna write a snappy story revolving around that much hyped 1980’s wunder-series Miami Vice, I just don’t think I can work it out… I mean Dan “SPIKE” Wheldon certainly fits the casting role for Don Johnson’s Sonny Crocket figure, but somehow I imagine Scott Dixon would be less than thrilled to be cast in Phillip Michael Thomas’s Tub’s character, while Tony George certainly isn’t tough enough to play Edward James Olmas Castillo bad boy captain role! Although the Princess and Milka would fit in nicely as the two females on the hit show, eh?

Meanwhile Press Dawg and My Name is IRL have been having great fun over the Newman Haas Lanigan car numbering choice of the half baked Oh-2 & Oh-6 that Buckshot Wilson and Darrell Rahhaul Junior are set to run this season in the Indee Racin' League… Thus, I just cannot resist piling on. As it now appears that the IRL’s new theme song this season will be a clever adaptation of Whalen Jenning’s Dukes ‘O Hazard song. You know the “Juan,” C’mon everyone, y’all sing along!


Dukes Of Hazard Theme Song
(Original lyrics by Whalen Jennings)
Just some good ol' boys (and girls) Never meanin' no harm, Beats all you've never saw, been in trouble with Tony George since the day they was born.Straight'nin' the curve, Flat'nin' the hills.Someday the moutain might get 'em,
(Princess don’t feel too good today!)But the long arms ‘O the Cheepster never will.Makin' their way, The only way they know how, That's just a little bit more than Brian Barnhart will allow,

Just those good ol' boys, Wouldn't change if they could, Fightin' Tony’s system like a true pair ‘O modern day Robin Hoods…
(Hmm? So which “Juan” is the boy Wanderer and who’s Batman?)


As I think Wheldon & Dixon are much more suited for the roles of Luke ‘N bo Duke, with Danny Boy playing the role ‘O Bo and Scotty playing Luke, while the Princess and Milka will have a good ‘ol Bitch Slap Cat Fight over who gets to play Daisy. I was gonna cast Ashley Judd in the role since she’s quite good at the requisite wet T-Shirt portion of the show, but I hear she’s busy getting her nails done with Jeffery “Pretty Boyzs” Gordon’s new wife…

Playing the villainous Boss Hawg is none other than Kevin Kalkhoven while Tony George seems adept at the Roscoe P. Coltrane role…

And to think it’s a Dawning of a new era in Open Wheel Racing, although I hear dat Tony George has been busy rehearsing his lines for his upcoming negotiation with Emperor Bernardo over the possible return of F1 to the Speedway as sources in Terra Haute claim that Tony’s been watchin’ a ton ‘O Rodney Dangerfield outtakes…

But seriously folks, on the subject of car numbers, I believe that the #12 is currently being used by Tomas Scheckter and thus NHL would need to ponder the use of #’s 16 and 22 which I believe are currently available? Nah, instead why don’t they go for the numbers 98 and 99? You know the ages of the team’s two elder statesmen.

I mean what’s next? The numbers 6.9 and 9.5? Or 007 and 009? NOPE! The latter two are already taken by the Aston Martin team in the Le Mans series. So, what do you think Newman Haas Lanigan’s two entries should be numbered?

I Am Clabber-gasted!
As for the accompanying video clip… Sorry, but I just had to do it! After seeing Hazard’s star John Schneider sing an excellent version of the hit song upon starting the frenzied bidding for one of the last remaining General Lee’s, which fetched a RIDICULOUS WINNING BID OF $200,000 at this year’s Barret Jackson…

I’d take this song ANY DAY OVER the current “I AM INDY!” Now let’s get ready to see the Princess and Milka try to out-do each other for best wall smack…

You make the call

While recently frolicking about the Lone Star state, the conversation drifted towards racing, which some people claim I have an obsession with…

As I casually mentioned that the two warring factions; CCWS vs. IRL had merged, Mary Ellen said; “So what do they call it now?"
“The names IRL and Indy Car are OBSOLETE!”

We need a NEW series name to commemorate the merging) It’s a TAKEOVER, NOT A MERGER) of these two noble leagues. After all what’s in the name Indy Car? That would be like calling Formula 1 “Lundy Car” (“Bernie Car?”) in deference to F1 Czar Emperor Bernardo’s home town. Or “Silvy Car” after England’s beloved home Grand Prix circuit, as Fortunately Championship Car/CART/Champ Car didn’t take the bait, as the series would have potentially been named “Porty Car” in deference to the very first AAA sanctioned Champ Car race being held in the Rose City (Portland, OR) in 1909.

Therefore, I put forth the notion that we should all put our thinking caps on and see if we can come up with an appropriate series moniker (Keep it clean fellahs, or the PCNA may drop by your residence with a bar ‘O soap) for the newly Unified racing series.

Anyone who is interested may submit as many names as desired by either leaving a comment or shooting an email to Tomaso at nofenders.f1@gmail.com

After a little time has gone by to let the pot boil, He’ll post a list of potential selections, which everybody could vote on their favourite selection and then Tomaso would happily forward the suggestion to the esteemed Mr. George…

I’m confident that we’ll ALL be very creative and get behind our new selection, as we are after all, the most important link-in-the-chain. (THE FANS!)

To get the ball rolling, I (Mary Ellen) submit my choice, which is; “unity Cars.” (After all, we are entering the Age of Aquarius and we are ALL supposed to get along!) It could also be called the “URL” for short. (Unity Racing League) So, c’mon Y’all and send those suggestions in…

Mary Ellen
Tacoma Bureau Chief


Editor’s note:
As you may already know, Tomaso’s suggestion is the Indy Car World Series, in the hopes the “Roadification” of Indy Cars will lead us back to those glory years ‘O yesterday when CART traveled the globe.

Meanwhile the tag line I AM INDY has already been put forward by former pitchman Gene Simonize, while the folks at 16th & Georgetown have been working overtime with the new punch line I Am Indy, One series, All the Stars along with the rebirth of Firestone Indy Lights, which previously was a CART feeder series, while the Indy Pro Series will thankfully be buried… Hey, perhaps “IOWR?” (Int’l Open Wheel Racers) Nah, it sounds like Tony OWES us something or that ‘lil city of squealing bacon ‘N corn. (Iowa) Geez, what’ll be next? Helmet tosses or Rock em Sock em wrasslin’ in full uniforms plus brain buckets firmly affixed?

And sorry folks, but the No Fenders piggy bank is currently broken after two weeks in Texas/Washington DC. Therefore I don’t have any prizes to dole out to the winners…

IT’S OFFICIAL! (WORST Websites contest continues)

HALLA-Frilling-LUIA!!! (Thanks Press Dawg)

As a legally blind hack that relies upon specialized software in order to create journalism masterpieces which thankfully you continue to read, I’ve been RELUCTANT To say anything too critical about the “”New ‘N Improved”” SPEED TV dot Com website…

As I wasn’t sure if it was just me or my screen reader affectionately nick-named “Lucy” having problems with the site?

C’mon Tomaso I dare you to try writing a story while I hold the pen for you! (Y’all remember Lucy’s antics in Peanuts, eh?)

But now it’s safe to throw another log onto the fire as Press Dog has BROKEN THE STORY BY posting; Speedtv.com Seeks to Take Up Mantel of "Least Usable" Web site

Previously Robin Miller commented on Wind Tunnel how he could remember back in the good ‘Ol dazes when reporters actually talked to their sources, pounded away on those ‘Ol blue Xerox Selectric’s for a while while waiting to hear back from some warm bodies to confirm what they were busily hacking away at before having the printing plates set-up. Now everybody just goes to the internets and shuh-zamm… Instant news…

Yet, since I’m residing on the Left coast, Far, Far, Far away from the Motorsports heartland, I depend upon Al Gore’s magnificent creation for the genesis of stories I see fit to scribble about. And unless Robin is willing to cough up his Rolodex to me, I suspect I’ll carry on this way.

Thus I depend upon SPEED’s website for relevant information. Well perhaps depend is the WRONG word as the new site makes me think of DUH-PENDZS!!! Noting to myself how SPEED has OUT FOXED itself by dubbing down the once semi user friendly website, all I can think of when going there is Jim Carey in DUMB ‘N DUMBER…

Thus, I cringed the very first time I was redirected to their new Rhubarb Murdocized “ROXx TV” infomercial style set-up, as the first thing I noticed was that PINKS and Unique Whipes selection tabs had replaced the Commentary and Programs selection bars. SHEISA! Where the HELL did Robin and David Phillips go? And what frillin’ time is the Formula 1 race going to be broadcasted at? Even worse, Lucy frequently CANNOT read the stories in the various “News” sections as they simply will NOT mesh with my screen reader. And WORST of all is the frillin’ video clips automatically playing while I futilely attempt to find the stop button… (As apparently I’m “Juan ‘O” the Lucky SOB’s whose confuzer will actually play the DAMN things! Yet, try having a screen reader running simultaneously while unwanted video clips are audibly playing and there’s NO FRILLIN’ Way to STOP them!!!)

As I fear the FOX 24/7 dribble of this overly graphic intensive website seems incompatible with my screen reader and I seriously DOUBT the site meets current Low Vision/Blindness web default standards for the running of such programs as Zoomtext and JAWS…

Hey SPEED! If I wanted to read RASSCAR Lite, I’d go to the appropriate website, so, Mr. Murdoch take back you’re FRILLING snazzy jazzed up website as you’re simply killing me, as I’m inclined less ‘N less to visit either the website or TV channel as they’re both made for a different demographic…

Finishing in the runner-up position for WORST websites for me to use on a daily basis is Autosport.com as the miniscule Bingo card racing category selections are extremely hard to read and select, while its even harder to select the individual stories for Lucy to read!

Taking the final step on the podium… Podium? We DON’T need NO Stinkin’ Podiums… Is the site that Tony George built… Err, Indy Car.com as it’s extremely annoying to try selecting on the rotating ferris wheel rotisserie selection tabs… But perhaps the site will become even more despised with upcoming merging of Champ Car assets, as the CCWS website was also a PAIN IN THE ARSE to navigate. Yet, contrary to popular belief, it was actually navigable once you scrolled down the first three quarter’s of a mile. But, I digress…

Pop goes IndyCar

Well last evening was very busy in terms of trying to keep up with all of the different interviews occurring in regards to Open Wheel Racing, as Indiana Bureau Chief Danny B noted; Do you think that Indy Car will make the top story on The Speed Report? Which of course it didn’t, instead preceded by some supercross event that was run Saturday night at the RCA Dome in the Hoosier state. And although the unification got the second story slot followed up by driver’s first thoughts and Homestead testing notes, we didn’t learn anything new.

Next up, was Wind Tunnel with an interview with Paul Tracy, of course once again OWR got the shaft as the flippin’ RASSCAR race went into extra innings in Los Wages, so Dave Despain got bumped a half hour…

Thus I tried to tune into Indy Racing Revolution’s main man Christopher “CHiP’s” Estrada (Betcha he’s never heard that one before, eh?) who was making his internets debut on Cleveland talk radio, but I couldn’t get the damn internet site to open, so I defaulted to my usual Sunday evening faire, a.k.a. Speedfreaks radio. And guess what? They had the big kahuna himself slated for a 15 minute (“TEASE”) interview, yeah Tony “Serta” George was on the program to reiterate his thoughts about successfully completing his takeover, err, merger and how he’s been sleeping like a baby ever since. Hmm? Wonder if Tony likes his side of the bed firm or soft? But, I digress…

The first subject that came up was Gerald “Take your League ‘N Shove IT!” Forsythe’s withdrawal from Indy Car racing, to which George was extremely diplomatic about, claiming Gerry’s not feeling well right now since he’s just broken his ankle and blah-blah-blah… In an attempt to get some sort of emotion outta Tony, who was extremely serious throughout the interview, Kenny Sergeant asked George if there was any truth to the rumour that Forsythe got his broken ankle from Paul Tracy driving him around in a golf cart. (No Comment) Kenny said; Geez Tony! Work with me here will yuh! Try to lighten up a little…

Then the “Stat man Caruthers” started the stupid questions. So, will any of the Champ Car teams making the switch run at Motegi? NO! ALL of the CCWS teams will race at Long Beach and ALL of the IRL teams will run at Motegi with equal IRL points being awarded at both venues and we just have to make the best of this difficult situation. Well I’ve heard there may be only ten cars showing up at Long Beach; couldn’t that affect the point’s standings? NO, I don’t think it’ll impact things too much over a 19 race season. Tony then said if my senses are correct___________ Pause, insert comment there… There should be 17 cars running at each event.

But they PISSED ME OFF! Speedfreaks went to commercial saying if you wanted to hear the MISSING “18 minutes” of the interview (22 minutes unedited) you should definitely go to their website and hear Tony George’s comments about AJ Foyt and Tracy possibly running for ‘Ol Super Tex. HUH? Don’t think it’s gonna happen… So, SCREW Speedfreaks, let’s go rewind the Memorex and see what Mr. Chrome Horn had to say on Messer Despain’s TV show…

It was a pretty straightforward and short interview, of Tracy saying he’d like to see if Forsythe can be swayed to change his mind as he and his team are like a bunch of caged mechanics starin’ at a piece of bloody meat… And it’s only been 48 hours since the news broke and things change about every five hours. But the interesting part was that Tracy stressed he was still under contract to Forsythe this year and will remain so and thus will be in a car at Long Beach at least. After that he doesn’t know what’ll happen…

Despain asked if he’d like to make a retort to Michael Andretti’s comments:

“Paul is great and all, but he doesn’t have any experience in these cars and he’s getting a little old, We’re looking at 19- and 20-year olds, and he’s almost 40.”

I hope somebody picks him up, because he’s always good for a story. He’s one of those guys you either love or hate, but he’s going to get the series out there. He gets press.”

Well, Michael came out of retirement to run at Indy and I think he’s about seven years older than me. I think I could do a pretty good job at Indy if given the right circumstances. You know I started dead last and wound up watching Helio “Twinkle Toes” Castroneves dance away with my 2002 Borg Warner trophy!

And the Indy Car wheels go round ‘N round

Hopefully I’m NOT taking the bait, but a few comments on the blogosphere have recently gotten my dander up, as some IRL pundits seem to be a little bit country, while us fellow Champ Car diehards may be a little bit Rock ‘N Roll, with some of ‘dem IRL dude’s just being plain wicked, as it did indeed PAIN me to consider the possibility of Paul Tracy driving for Vision Racing Christopher!

And although I’ve been a huge critic of Kevin “Smiley Face” Kalkhoven and am indeed glad to see him become the former owner of Champ Car, I’m not completely thrilled with the demise of this once wonderful racing series, which sadly has sunken into a watery grave alongside the Titanic? Yet, I’m not pleading for it to return, just that it be given its due, especially since I’m bummed out they’re won’t be a race at Portland this year.

And while I realize it’s like comparing apples to oranges, did anybody happen to notice that prior to the merger, err, takeover… That the Panoz chassis ran alongside the Dallara at Sebring and was faster, of course the DP01 has more horsepower and weighs less, so it should be faster, but my point is I’m getting really tired of hearing the barbs about Paul Tracy NEVER driving one of those CRAP WAGONS… Which I believe they were during their infancy! Recall that the IRL chassis didn’t begin life as Swans, but indeed ugly ducklings as they didn’t even sound like race cars way back when they ran Niss-son’s… And isn’t it funny that they’ve gone for the high air box look of Formula 1 chassis, eh? As you have to admit that the turbocharged Cosworth racers have a siren song sound all of their own…

In deference to Tony George pouring salt into the wounds of us Chump Carzs ‘Ol Timers, by hiring Paul “Chrome Horn” Tracy, which in some ways would be poetic justice… How about instead, Messer Kalkhoven turn the tide by bulking up KV Racing into a three car “Super Team,” a la Team Penske, Team KOOL Green and ultimately Andretti Green Racing. As I think it would be quite entertaining to see Tracy reunited with his San Jose sparrin’ partner Alex Tagliani! This would be even more ironic as TAG got the boot from Player’s Forsythe in order to make room for Paul Tracy alongside fellow Kanuck Patrick Carpentier.

Of course, we’ve all seemed to forget that Newman Haas Lanigan Racing attempted to wrestle Vitor Meiraaway from Panther Racing prior to the merger, so why couldn’t they field a third chassis for the “Thrill from West Hill,” since I believe one of the few teams Tracy hasn’t driven for is Chip Ganassi while previously having done stints with The Captain and Carl Haas. And while there still may be some horse trading going on between the Cheepster ‘N George over you take my driver and I’ll take your’s. (Alex Lloyd) Why couldn’t Luczo Dragon suddenly become a two car full season operation and a bonified satellite Penske team?

Then again why not Pacific Coast Motorsports, or does George have visions of running in Mexico, wishing to keep the seat open for David Martinez, as I guess the chances of an AJ Foyt souper-dooper racing team has fallen by the wayside with the rumoured hiring of mui pileto Poncho Vila, err Pablo Donoso. (According to My Name is IRL) As perhaps ‘Ol Super Tex decided to take up Tony on his free Dallara/Honda offer after all, eh? And is this in preparations for possible expansion in to Southern Americana?

Interestingly Milka Duno has transferred her Citgo sponsorship to D & R, while fellow female racing driver Ana Beatriz will race for Sam Schmidt in the Indy Pro Series this season with hopes of graduating to Indy Car, thus could Tony be making a run for the border?

And with all of this conjecture (Hot Air? (Could somebody please tell me why Newman Haas Lanigan isn’t transferring its Mic Dougal’s sponsorship to Graham Rahal’s Indy Car? As according to Justin Wilson’s website, he’ll be piloting the #02 Mickey D’s Dallara/Honda/Firestone for N/H/L this season in Indy Car. Yet, I really don’t want to see Justin Wilson pimping for the golden arches… I mean don’t they eat Fish ‘N Chips across the Pond?

Oh crap! There’s the doorbell, gotta run, I think it’s the UPS guy? You know what can brown do for you… As I’m expecting my race tickets for this year’s event at that ‘lil ol place Rusty built, you know in the land ‘O corn, err Iowa… Hmm? Corn, brown, running for the border: Oh never mind!

The Mario and Jimmy show

Is it live or Memorex? Can it really be almost “Juan” week ago that I watched the G-Man and Kevin K’s smiling mugs on Wind Tunnel…

And at least the Speedfreaks (radio) show seemed to get its patronage in the right order by having the elder statesman Mario Andretti precede Jimmy Vasser in their interviews regarding the just then announced Takeover, Err, Merger of Open Wheel Racing, as Mario had to play second fiddle to Jacques Villeneuve on the big windbag’s TV show.

The Speedfreaks interview was much more entertaining with Crash Gladys saying a cuss word in Italian which of course was bleeped, along with Mario being quite adamant about how this was indeed the right thing for Open Wheel Racing as he’d been trying to get the two parties together for several years, even receiving a quip from Kalkhoven about loosing some fingernails in Colorado on Wind Tunnel.

Yet Mario was quite bamboozled by the fact that Honda wouldn’t be willing to budge on its race date in order to have a single, unified grid participating at Long Beach. Just think of the positive publicity they’d garner. Yet, when told that ISC was unwilling to move its date the following weekend, Mario noted that you wouldn’t expect the France’s to do anything to help their competition…

And upon AJ Foyt’s being upset by Tony George giving “Hand-out’s” to the rival Champ Car teams, Mario was fairly diplomatic, saying he could understand ‘Ol Super Tex’s side of the argument for being a loyal IRL entrant, but in the long run AJ would ultimately prosper.

On the question of what Mario thought the series should look like, Mario said it needs to be distinct, different/unique, as CART was able to differentiate itself from Formula 1 and NASCAR by contesting all types of venues, i.e.; short ovals, super speedways, proper road courses and temporary street circuits.

When asked what would keep the newly aligned series from splitting once again in the future, Mario said; “It’ll NEVER happen in our lifetimes.” Look what happened when the auto manufacturers were threatening to break away from F1, all that Bernie Ecclestone had to say was look at American Open Wheel!

But I liked Jimmy Vasser’s view on AJ Foyt’s antic’s better; saying hasn’t Foyt gotten about 30 chassis from the IRL? You mean AJ wouldn’t take a free Dallara/Honda race car if Tony offered him one?

Thus, is it just me or isn’t it ironic that AJ Foyt IV has since been confirmed as the second driver at George’s Vision Racing alongside son in law Edward Carpenter. And I wonder if Tony’s dropping of Paul Tracy’s name when talking about next year’s centennial was a hoped for “Olive Branch” to Gerry Forsythe?

Florida breeze

So did everybody catch the official consolidation press conference today at Homestead, Florida? Wasn’t it great to see those two goofy bastardo’s shakin’ hands while all of the popperatzi’s flashbulbs flashed. And speaking ‘O flash, where’s Danica…

But seriously, when’s the last time that SPEED interrupted regular broadcasting to feature a live news conference about something pertaining to other than RASSCAR!

Did we learn anything from this Dog ‘N Pony show? NOT Really, although its now confirmed that Long Beach and Motegi will run on the same weekend, but what’s this silly quip about some of the IRL’s drivers showing up to race in Long Beach? Does Marty Roth have an early flight back upon his early race retirement?

Otherwise I don’t think we really got any solid answers, like; what will Kevin K’s and Gerald Forsythe’s rolls eventually be in the long term, or when do we quit having to see Kalkhoven’s smiley face persona on the TV! And just who does get the new Dallara’s and full lease Honda engine packages this May…

OOPS! Gotta run, it’s time for the Sarah Fisher announcement, which will be followed up by the Helio “Dancin’ Fool” & Princess gala with reportedly some on track festivities later this evening…

Princess gets her way

While I was eagerly awaiting the ensuing Cat Fight, Bitch Slap, Throw down between Champ Car’s Katherine Legge and the Princess, a.k.a Danica Patrick, sadly this will not occur.

For those of you unaware, unlike the Princess who has yet to win a single racing event (excluding go karts) Legge won three major races in her rookie North American season (2005) upon convincing CCWS’s boss Kevin Kalkhoven to give her a chance.

Debuting in the Toyota Atlantics championship, Legge recorded her maiden victory at Long Beach in her very first start! Katherine then went on to notch two more victories at Edmonton and San Jose, along with five podiums enroute to finishing third overall that season, prior to testing for Rocketsports and PKV Racing before the announcement was made that Legge would graduate to the Champ Car World Series with PKV Racing in 2006. After a tough rookie campaign with her ex-boss Kalkhoven, Legge was demoted to the continuously underfinanced Dale Coyne Racing operation for the 2007 season.

Prior to racing in the Atlantics, Legge became the first woman to score a pole in British Formula Ford racing (2000) before besting the lap record of a young Finnish driver named Raikkonen in 2001. Katherine is one of the few females to have sampled the ultimate rocket ship, better known as Formula 1, when she tested for Minardi in 2005. being the first female to do so since Sarah Fisher’s outing for McLaren, promoting the USGP in 2002. Legge was also the first female to give an A1 GP chassis a workout, which she did under the auspices of Team Britain/GBR.

Yet, with the continuous uncertainty that swirled over Champ Car this season, as apparently Kalkhoven wasn’t returning her telephone calls, Legge has signed a deal to contest DTM for Audi behind the wheel of an two year old Tin Top. I’m sure this news comes as a great relief to Tony George, who enjoys having the Princess as the IRL’s media darling, while Danica will have one less worry to think about between swimsuit shoots. Meanwhile, somebody better tell Ralfanso to keep a sharp eye in his rear view mirror!

Dinner at Bernie’s

Apparently crack Motorsports reporter Derrick Daly was dining at the Eagle's Nest, a restaurant atop the Downtown Hyatt Regency. (Where only the Eagles soar, Err, apparently they’ll let anybody dine there, eh?) Last evening and was seated next to one of the hottest couples currently in Indianapolis. Thus, Daly recanted the story later that evening on the local KTEL affiliate’s 11PM newscast. Yes, that’s right Jerry, I was seated right next to the couple. Can you tell us what they had for dinner Derrick?

Well for starters, they both had the Genilozzi chowder, while it looked like Tony had Netherlands crab cakes bis with a Zolder fondue, while Kevin had Long Beach jubilee.

Then for the first course Tony had the stuffed Toronto pheasant, while Kevin had leg ‘O Petitt, or was that the Tokyo sushi as apparently he couldn’t make up his mind.

For the main course Kevin ordered the Fillet Motegi, with the steamed CCWS asparagus smothered in a rich Road America cheese sauce. Tony had the Brickyard special, with the 33 prawns, Champ Car tar tar (well done) and a tossed Panoz salad with the Newman’s finest on top of it.

And did they have anything to drink with their meal Derrick? Yes, the maitre d recommended them a Chateau Portland Rose Cup sauvignon, of which I believe Kevin selected a bottle circa 1993.

What were the two men talking about Derrick? Well Jerry they kept their backs turned to me, but I think it was something to do with motor racing…

And for desert Derrick? Kevin had the cooked Spanish ice cream a la mode, while Tony had the Cosworth Flambahe… And who picked up the check? Well that was the interesting part Jerry, Kevin wanted Tony to pick up the tab and Tony wanted to go Dutch. So the waiter just left two checks with some Mexico City jumping bean candy on top…

Roundy-round’s back

And so are we… As there’s nothing like the mysteries of ze internets to drive a person nutty when it decides not to cooperate! Thus, hopefully we’ll be able to resume our normal programming here at No Fenders…

As Holy Sprint Cup, Batman! There’s ONLY 427hrs ‘O RASSCAR left to go… Although I do look forward to the beginning of each New Years “Speed Weeks” at Daytona, since it signifies that motor racing has once again gotten underway with the season opening Rolex 24. And the running of the Daytona 500 signifies the return of Wind Tunnel with Dave Despain…

But I’m NOT sure how much of Duh RASSCAR Shoppin’ Networks blather I can tolerate over the Daytona 5000!

Geez, all of this Roundy-round speak made mezs thirsty on Valentines Day, so I slipped out and ventured off to the local 7/11 to grab a Big Gulp, Err,
Gatorade, while waiting for the damn internets to start cooperating. (Gots-duh support ‘dem $ponsors, eh?) Hey, isn’t that the Princess posing for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?

Err, I’d better hightail it back in order to turn on the telie and catch the remainder of those Monster Ball Park Franks (“they plump when uze cooks dem’”) Slim Jim Twin 427’s.

I mean c’mon, y’all must have been watchin them Twin Monster Energy/Coca Cola/Mountain Dew/BUTTWEIPER Qualifiers with your sweetheart, eh? And only in America can a top news headline proclaim that Dominoes will deliver 1.2 million cheese pizzas during the STUPOR Bowl, while Poppa John’s expected to sell 750,000 of it’s shake ‘N bake ovals…

And can you believe it? Wasn’t ‘dat nice of SPEED to replay those dueling gator-aides last night during supper time… Oh crap, there’s the doorbell, must be the Dominoes delivery specialist. But Honey, I got us pizza for dinner…

Orient express

Hello Mr. George,
How would you like your tea?

One lump or two?

Nothing new to report on
The state of Open Wheel racing,
SSSHHSHHHHHH!!!!!
Be Berry, Berry, Quiet!
We’re tryin’ to sign some contracts here…
SHEISA!!! I forgot to bring my pen with me

Excuse me, Mr. George,
There’s a Mr. Kevin Kalkhoven
On line three, he says it’s urgent,
He cannot find his copy of the memo…

And there’s a Mr. Carl Haas and Derrick Walker
Who would like to talk to you on the speaker phone
And we’ve scheduled your massage for 5PM
Will that be alright with you?
Mr. George…

Sayonara…

Mellow Yellow

While the eyes of Texas (amongst others) are focused upon some ‘lil ol frilling' RASSCAR barbeque going' on down in Florida, I just had to watch The SPEED Report to see if there had been any further leaks to the media on the Indiana big shots business trip to the Orient…

And wallah, there was the ‘ol leak master himself… Hey Robin,
What are you doin?' Leaking that story about Tony & Co. possibly getting together, aren’t you aware of the firestorm you’ve created?

But hey, isn’t that your job as a reporter?

And apparently Nicole Manske must have been wandering’ the motor coach parking lots, as she and her sidekick had the night off… Or did they jump ship to a bigger network?

So, I'm glad that Bob Varsha brought up the matter during his interview with Robin, who noted that if the deal falls thru, it could still very well be over if Carl Haas and Derrick Walker decided to jump ship? Miller noted that Walker already has an IRL chassis in his shop and that Champ Car owes him about $1.5 million as they haven’t paid anybody their prize money from last season…

And that was pretty amazing that Robin 'N Open Wheel got to be the second story behind RASSCAR for a whole four minutes. Speaking’ about Kevin “What Memo” Kalkhoven, I enjoyed Robin’s comments on the nature of his being all over the map on the subject, claiming that it was one of his own owners who leaked the previous merger talks to Autoweek. Kevin’s just confused…

Next, I decided to listen to Speed Freaks to see if they’d have anything to say about the current status of Open Wheels possible consolidation…

So, prior to introducing Booby Ruble, Kenny Sergeant went on a rant ‘bout Little E having the worst uniform ever, saying it has Grandpa pockets and is looser fitting than ‘ol Jack Vanilla’s leisure suits…
Let’s welcome CART Champion, Indy 500 Champion, etc Bobby Rahal… Bobby did you ever have any ugly uniforms? Well I don’t know if it was ugly? But back in 1989 when I drove for Kraco, my uniform had a lot of yellow win it. In fact it had so much yellow that Arie Luyendyk constantly called me Big Bird!

And Crash Gladys said, I’ve got to ask you about the status of Open Wheel or I’ll get deluged with emails… So, do you know anything we don’t? NO, I just read what gets reported; I read SPEED and the SPEED TV Forums… Robin Miller probably knows the most about what’s going on…

Of course, I think we’ve been down this road about 15 times in the last 15 years, so, hopefully this will be the last year we have to worry about this.

Later in the program, Gladys talked with Indy Star’s Kurt Cabin to see what the latest was? Kurt said he felt like it was a bit of a ping pong match trying to get information… Hoping he’d be the first to break the story. I spoke to Brian Barnhart about 4hrs ago and he was just finishing breakfast before going to the meeting. Hopefully they’ll answer their phones and have something to tell us. But hey, a merged single Open Wheel schedule would be a good thing, of course there’d be some contracts to settle, but Tony’s got a checkbook and it would be a lot cheaper to go to Kansas over going to Europe…

Pistle-laroes

(I’ve got dibs on the bathroom… I don’t feel so good!)

Honey I shrunk the kids… Have you seen my car keys? I’m gonna be late for my meeting with Tony George, he wants to talk (again) about us combining forces with him to save his family jewels, you know that ‘lil sandbox of his over on 16th & Georgetown… Yeah, that’s right, the Brickyard. Well, we’ll see what happens…

Perhaps you’re aware of the latest buzz surrounding the possible ending of the war of Northern Aggression, as Robin Miller has published the story claiming possible unity between ‘lil Napoleon and The Four Moosketeers…

As it happens to be all over the blogosphere as well as the various media outlets that cover such things, although I particularly enjoyed a certain Doubting Thomas’s jaundiced view towards this latest headline… Claiming it was Open Wheel merger number 4,764!!! (And how us CART, err, nee Champ Car tifosi are always good for a laugh after you’ve had a bad day at the office)

Meanwhile, as Tony, Terry Angstadt and Brian Barnhart are winging their way towards Tokyo, chaperoned by Robert Clarke to visit Honda’s corporate boardrooms, Kevin Kalkhoven is going to the loo once again, claiming he still hasn’t gotten the memo…


And seeing that this is the world of Open Wheel racing
And once was the top echelon of motorsports
Here in the land of the free and home of the brave
Well, in all of the excitement
I’ve lost track of how many mergers have been proposed
As you’ve gotta ask yourself
Did I really offer to fix the mess I made 13+ years ago
Well, did I?


Yet, for Open Wheel’s sake, I hope this latest attempt actually happens, as it’s splashed all about the media, including international sites… Which means our paltry (if ANY?) credibility will be even further lambasted if the deal falls thru.

Otay, now Gerry and Kevin, you can each have a chocolate if you let Tony play first with his toys in the sandbox. And don’t worry Paul & Dan; you’ll get a turn after Kevin & Gerry finish playing. But first, everybody take off your shoes and go wash your hands and then come into the living room for some sushi.

Meanwhile, I’ve gotta go kick the dog after writing some more snarky comments about those Oval track single sweater do-gooders, as I think I can hear the sycamore crashing down…

FOUR!!! Quick, has somebody seen my lawn darts? You know that close is only good in horseshoes and hand grenades. Now somebody toss me a biscuit, err, pass me the Saki!

And will somebody please get Kevin some Kleenex so he can blow his nose. Wonder if Tony’s taking any jerky with him for his long flight across the Pacific, eh?

STUPID Spaniards!

Although I had been trying to refrain from commenting upon this UGLY story, it seems to be all over the place and it’s quite disturbing to think we haven’t progressed any further then having some people resort to such denigrating acts of civility…

Source: Grand Prix.com

FEBRUARY 6, 2008
The question of racism

Racism is an ugly thing and the fact that a number of Spanish fans felt the need to be offensive to Lewis Hamilton during the recent test is not something that can be considered acceptable in the sport. Chanting racial abuse is not great advert for Spain and the perpetrators need to be made to understand that. But how does one handle such a situation? Does one blame the circuit for not apprehending those involved and banning them forever from the track? Does one blame the country from which the perpetrators came? Or does one just ignore these stupid bigots and get on with what is important?
The very first clause in the FIA statutes makes it clear that FIA member clubs shall "refrain from manifesting racial, political or religious discrimination". But are clubs accountable for the behaviour of a few ignorant fans? It is hard to see how they can be held responsible, but at the same time one cannot simply ignore such things and hope that they will go away. Perhaps the best response would be for the FIA to make it very clear to the clubs in Spain and to the public in general that any such deomnstrations in the future will result in action. That will guarantee that anyone thinking of such stupidity will think twice before opening their mouths again for fear that they will not only incite the wrath of fellow Spaniards but also the authorities. They need to understand that by resorting to such abuse they are not great Spaniards but rather traitors to their country.

Champ Car returns to Portland

While it’s old news that Champ Car has indeed retained the Portland race venue for its 2008 season, what I failed to mention was that it seemed that the race was kept for a few reasons. First being the 25th Anniversary for Champ Car competition at the race track and secondly for the fact that 2009 will be the 100th Anniversary of the very first Champ Car race. Actually the race was part of the forbearer to what would ultimately become Champ Car. (For 2008 at least)
In 1909 -- in Portland -- Howard Covey drove a Cadillac to victory in the first race of what was then called the U.S. National Championship Series, a forebear of the United States Auto Club series and later Champ Car.

And perhaps you’ve read the tantalizing report penned by Robin Miller claiming that Indy Car’s ‘lil Napoleon, err Tony George made a offer to unify the two warring entities for 2008 prior to this past Christmas, of which was turned down by Champ Car management. As the story was further expounded upon by the Indy Star’s Kurt Cabin.

Hmm? Perhaps this is why I haven’t gotten my yearly ticket renewal for Portland which is always due before Christmas, eh?

While the (token) offer seemed reasonable for once, sadly it appeard that the Pacific Northwest would loose their sole remaining event, while Portland International Raceway would loose their final remaining marquee event.

And call me nostalgic; or Ray, Jay, Dan, Stan, but NOT Tony as I don’t mean to be coy Roy, ‘cause yuhz just gott’s tuh listen to me…but I think it would be a travesty for Open Wheel racing to not commemorate this historic milestone in favour of a pro-Indy Car biased schedule, nee Ovals, as we’ve already got way too DAMN many ‘O Dose… In something known as Roundy-round!

While I agree that unification is needed immediately, it surely will be a Takeover, NOT a Merger for all practical reasons and I shudder at the thought that the closest Open Wheel race available will be the Sears Point event. Yeah, I know its Infineon Raceway, but it will always be Sears Point to me!

The Perfect Season

By now you’re painfully aware of the fact that the New England Patriots have made history by being only the second team ever to complete a perfect regular season in Football. Joining the 1972 Miami Dolphins (14-0) along with eclipsing the 1985 Chicago Bears. (15-1)

The Patriots will now set about making further history in the NFL by attempting to sweep the tables on an unprecedented run to 19-0, when they encounter the New York Giants in Super Bowl 42 in Glendale, Arizona, to which many pundits say is merely a formality as the Patriots expect to win their fourth Super Bowl in seven years…

Yet, this most impressive feat has never been accomplished in motor racing to date, although a few driver/team combinations have flirted with the notion over the years.

Many of you will most likely recall that McLaren came Oh-So ever close in 1988, when bosom buddies Alain Prost and Ayrton Senna won 15 of that year’s 16 events aboard the all mighty McLaren MP/4-4 Honda, in what was the swan song season of the 1.5 liter turbocharged era.

Yet as fate would have it, while convincingly leading the race at Monza, Ayrton Senna came upon the back marker Jean Louis Schlesser, whom was filling in for the injured Nigel Mansell in an underpowered Williams/Judd. Yet ‘Ol Arrogant was just itching to get past the Frenchman and must have been dumbstruck when the two of them tangled while colliding in the first chicane. And less you think Schlesser was a wanker, as he’d shared the 1979 French Formula 3 Championship with fellow countryman Alain Prost.

Of course this sent the Tiafosi wild, as Gerhard Berger would lead Michele Alboreto in an unexpected Ferrari 1-2 sweep just weeks after Il Commendatore (Enzo Ferrari) had passed away.

In 1992, the Williams F1 team had rebounded with the help of the mighty Renault V-10, as BLOODY NIGE (Nigel Mansell) simply dominated the season, starting off with five consecutive victories on his way to a tally of 12 and his long awaited World Championship.

Having left Formula 1 in favour of CART after Sir Frank was unwilling to break his piggy bank to meet Il Lione’s demands; Mansell won the Championship in his rookie season for Newman/Haas in 1993.

Yet the following year, Team Penske Marlboro audaciously stamped its mark of dominance upon the entire CART community while running a three car operation for Al Unser Jr., Emerson Fittipaldi and Paul Tracy. These three bandito’s swept the table for “The Captain,” finishing 1-2-3 in the season standings. Not only did ‘lil Al win that years Vanderbilt Cup, he also won his second Indianapolis 500 with the mighty Mercedes Benz “Stock Block,” as Roger’s boys won 12 of that year’s 16 events.

And not to be outdone by BLOODY NIGE, Michael Schumacher simply obliterated the field during the 2004 Formula 1 season, enroute to his record seventh World Championship. That year Herr Schumacher simply ran the tables, winning 13 races, while leaving everybody in his wake.

So, hopefully history will NOT be made this weekend, as I’d find it most satisfying to see the New York Giants BEAT the FRILLING Patriots…

GO GIANTS!!!

Autosport twister

Holy Tornadoes Batman! So, once again I was tuning into the Autosport Radio show via the internets when the most amazing thing happened… As Don Kay was temporarily knocked off the air as a Tornado swept directly over Mc Gilvery's Pub & Eatery-Mc Gilvery's Pub ‘N Eatery, (Uh, looks like the twister also struck while I was writing this, eh?) knocking out several windows and other bits ‘N pieces of the establishment! And it happened right in the middle of Don’s interview with Jarrod Krisiloff, which made it even more dramatic as they run a live feed, which means you got to hear everybody hitting the deck as well as hearing every bodies comments afterwards; hearing one patron exclaim he’d gotten beer spilled all over his shirt as there was about 15 minutes of commotion while they reconnected the bar’s sound system so the show could resume.

And I was impressed that they were able to continue streaming the show an extra half hour in order to squeeze in his second guest, known for his over the top gift ‘O gab, err blarney… None other than “Derr-wreck Daily,” as perhaps I’m a little too harsh on the Irishman, but his on-air antics exuding his greatness as a racecar driver have simply been over the top and extremely annoying to me, having once told AJ Almendinger’s grandmother to put down the whiskey bottle! Then again he did manage to become a Formula 1 and CART driver…

Yet Daly did manage to make a good opening quip about the amazing reception line awaiting him as he entered the parking lot, as there were fire trucks, coppers, shards of glass, etc awaiting his arrival.

Derek was there mostly to promote his brand new book he’s just finished writing and is set to show up on bookshelves this week, title; Race to Win, which took him five years to complete.

And it was funny how Daly kept making examples of how excellent Michael Schumacher was as a racecar driver, as Mr. Kay has professed to not being a Formula 1 fan. So it was very entertaining to hear Derek tell Don it was TOTAL CRAP to his rumour mongering ‘bout Herr Schumacher planning to compete in the upcoming MOTO GP event at the Speedway…

Daly talked about his various business interests, as he explained briefly about what Motor-vation was; a motivational seminar he gives to corporations aspiring to improve their business. He also talked about his new passion of helping design racing circuits, pertaining to road courses, as he’s currently involved with the Prairie Hills Motorsports Club.

Daly also briefly discussed how he’s helping his son Connor attempt to climb the motor racing ladder, as well as spinning a quick yarn about how he got somebody named Mario (Andretti) intrigued enough in his book to write the forward for him, as Daly quipped; “You don’t write racing books to make money…”

Champ Car Flames Out

I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire

I Went Down, Down, DownAnd The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns

The Ring Of Fire

The Ring Of Fire…

(Johnny Cash; The Ring of Fire)

Why does the picture above make me flash back to that cheesy “Bud-Light” commercial of several years ago when they light the miniature hoop on fire for the little poodles to jump thru and the voice sez; “It’s Showtime” as they start the whole thing over again…

And what in the HELL is going on with Champ Car… As I’ve just read Robin Miller’s glowing assessment of the DOOFUSES in charge ‘O Chump Carzs, who’ve brilliantly let Tony Cotman; Executive vice president and race director Resign. As Miller notes;

“It’s Titanic time for Champ Car!”

Apparently, many inside the paddock had expected Cotman to fail in his new post as the four “Mooseketeers” were unwilling to let him run the show productively. As Miller notes;

”But he (Cotman) still couldn't overcome the fact his series is run by a couple rich guys who really don't understand television, marketing, driver continuity, people and the nuts and bolts of auto racing.Kalkhoven and Forsythe didn't become wealthy running their businesses like they do Champ Car and why they continue to let Gentilozzi influence their decisions is a mystery to anyone with a brain.

This announcement, which was made on a Friday, when nobody reads the news comes at a time when Champ Car has only three signed drivers for the 2008 season, along with a pathetic car count.

On top of Cotman’s resignation, reigning Champ Car Atlantic’s champion Rafael Matos has forgone his $2 million check for winning last year’s title in favour of signing a multi-year contract with Andretti Green Racing, where Matos will contest the Indy Pro Series next season.

And adding insult to injury, Dan “Speedy Dry” Clarke, who drove for Team Minardi USA in Champ Car last season is now pursuing the second Panther Racing seat in the IRL…

And I never thought I’d say this, but I hope Cotman’ gets hired by Tony George and becomes their new Chief Steward.

Turn out the lights, the party’s over as I think I hear the Fat Lady warming up her vocal chords… SHEISA!!! Perhaps Robosoarus will come visit Champ Cars headquarters in Indiana, eh?

Willie O’Ree

With the nefarious “Wedge” issue of Race being thrown about by the disgusting corporate megatropolis masquerading as the U.S. Media, I found the following article most interesting

As I was scouring the news wires for topics to scribble about, I accidentally ran across the story of Willie O’Ree, whom was once called the Jacky Robinson of Hockey, as O’Ree was the very first African American to play in a professional Hockey game in 1958.

Yet the amazing part of the story is that O’Ree played at all, since he’d lost his vision in his right eye!

“On Jan. 18, 1958, two years after a deflected puck destroyed his right retina, O'Ree became the league's first black player when he entered a game for the Boston Bruins against the Montreal Canadians at Montreal.”

Yet O’Ree kept this devastating injury a secret during his entire playing career, in order to reach his goal of becoming a professional Hockey player. O’Ree played 45 games for the Boston Bruins and in all of his 21 years of playing; fortunately didn’t have to undergo an eye examination.

O’Ree, who played hockey until the age of 45, is still involved in the sport today, at the age of 72 as the NHL's Director of Diversity programming and will be honoured this weekend when the Boston Bruins face off against the New York Rangers, along with further accolades during the NHL All Star weekend in Atlanta…

Low Vision Racer

Upon my return from Japan, while having a discussion with Mary Ellen, I told her about a comment that I’d received while on holiday. This comment was in regards to my Suzuka, 2004 story.

Comment:
I couldn't understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting...

And I’m still not sure which part of the story was confusing? As I’m wondering if it had to do with writing about my friend’s; The Bumps or the UFO discussion?; (“Phone Home, ET!”)

Then she asked if my various readers knew why some of the stories I wrote were “special?” Like why traveling to Mecca for my Indy Experience 2X Seater ride was so important? (See; Brickyard Flyer)

Do your readers know about your Vision disability? No, I replied to her. Are you gonna tell ‘em?

And without blathering on about this too much, I guess I should let y’all know that I have RP (Retinitis Pigmentosa) which means I have really CRAPY vision! (Hence the white cane I typically refrain from posing with.)

While in Japan in 2004, Albin explained to me what the bumps in the sidewalks of most major Japanese cities are for. As there’s usually a foot wide strip of raised bumps in the middle of the sidewalk for visually impaired persons to walk on and navigate their way about the city.

These bumps can be found in a variety of places, i.e.; Airports, Subway tunnels, Train Stations, etc. And they’re definitely helpful, especially at night. And they’re painted in a variety of colours, typically either red or yellow.

Yet there’s one large drawback to them. They seem to usually have something parked on top of them, like bicycles! And a lot of Japanese people seem to not be expecting anyone visually impaired to be utilizing them… As my biggest amusement in Japan was when Albin, Tanja & I went to the Atom Bomb museum in Nagasaki this past October.

Disembarking the Tram and walking towards the museum, an entire class of schoolchildren had been lined up on the yellow bumps of the platform… And they just simply began singing merrily as I approached…

For another related story see; Eye Rock 500

Previous cancellations

While I’m still bummed over this year’s cancellation of the Dakar Rally, I’m certainly NOT as “PEEVED OFF” as Robby “Dirtmann” Gourdoun is…

As the headline reads; “Gordon angered over cancellation,” to which he has every right to be, especially after having spent $4.5 million and six months preparing for this years contest. And the always brash, outspoken Gordoun did not disappoint us, with his comments towards LA.

“Let's put this in perspective: I'm pretty sure in L.A. we kill 11 a night on the streets — stabbed, shot, beat up, murdered."

(So, I guess its only fitting that the radio is blaring’ out that ‘80’s hit “NOBODY Walks in LA!” while I’m scribbling this story.)

Meanwhile, while reading an old Formula 1 book in-between testing blasts of the buildings fire alarm system. (SHEISA!!! Nice way to jump start your morning, eh?) I just discovered that the 1976 Argentine Grand Prix was cancelled due to Political unrest…

A little further digging revealed that the 1930 and 1933 German Grand Prix’s scheduled for the Nurburgring were cancelled due to Germany’s economic plight, while the 1949 Monaco Grand Prix was cancelled due to Prince Louis II’s death.

The Belgian GrandPrix was held hostage by Emperor Bernardo, when the country instituted its Tobacco advertising ban prior to the European Union’s deadline and subsequently lost their 2003 event. Returning to the calendar in 2004, a further two races were held at the legendary Spa Francorchamps circuit before the event was cancelled for 2006 due to the circuit being deemed to not meet FIA safety standards, as construction work would not be finished in time to host that year’s event. Fortunately the race returned in 2007.

The next victim to fall foul of Ecclestone’s hatchet was the San Marino Grand Prix which quietly disappeared from the 2007 F1 calendar upon being excluded the previous August. Sadly, the San Marino Grand Prix will most likely be remembered for Black Sunday, the weekend that Roland Ratzenberger and Ayrton Senna perished at the IMola circuit in 1994.

Also, it’s interesting how the post two race nations Italy and Germany have lost events, along with Japan now swapping venues while Spain and the Middle East have each added events. And then there’s the United States Grand Prix, but I digress…

Speed Freaks

Otay, so I probably should QUIT professing my lack ‘O Technical “Know-how, eh?” Yet, for some reason I just decided to try finding the Speed Freaks radio broadcast via the internets… After I’d accidentally discovered this while in Arizona and wallah! I found it, eureka!

So, even though I missed the first hour of the “Best Of” Holidazes re-broadcast, I still enjoyed listening to the second hour of the show. (MINUS the massive deluge ‘O commercials!)

And they did a montage of previous segments, with all of the members: Kenny Sergeant, Crash Gladys, Lug-Nuts and Stat Man talking to various racing personalities.

My favourite segment was when they talked to “Woody” who was quite confused when Lug-Nuts asked him if the rumour was true about Mikey “Squeaky Clean” Waltrip defecting to Open Wheel… WHAT??? Is that really true, Woody asked.

This was after a segment with Kirk Cabin of Indystar.com, who thru out the suggestion that it was more than “Co-inkydince” that “The Cheepster” (Chip Ganassi) had two international Open Wheel stars in his RASSCAR stable. As they’re both helping Tin Tops saturate foreign markets and Messer Helton & Co. had potentially cut a deal with Chip, giving him a percentage of the TV rights.

And adding further insult to injury was the comment that Dario “REO Speedwagon” Franchitti is way MORE popular in Europe than Dan “Spike” Wheldon…

There was also an interview with Dancing with the FOOLS champ-peon Helioe… Who says he’s still committed to Indy Car, but never say never to a potential switch to CUP. Can you say 2009?

Also for good measure was a quick sound bite clip of an interview with Elliott Sadler, who’s definitely a nice guy and a great interviewee. So guess I know what I’ll be doing’ Sunday nights now that Football’s almost OVER! Hmm, seems kinda fitting that Charlie Daniels Devil in the House is playin’ in the background as I scribble ‘bout the Speed Freaks…

WSpeedy-dry

Recently I read some comments towards the pathetic LACK of interesting programming currently being run on the SPEED Channel, as I too agree that PINKS is a waste ‘O time… As wellas the Unique Whips marathons And a quick blast thru the upcoming programming revealed a further deluge of PINKS, Unique Whips, Novi Tuner Vision and Lucas Oil “On the Edge” filling out the daily line-ups…

Thus it’s hard to believe that it was just “Juan” year ago that I was watching the extended version of Grand Prix (the movie) on SPEED, as this included a lengthy pre-amble with the director and main man James Garner before the actual film started. Interspersed with the requisite overdose of commercials, the program was four hours long! Yet, how I’d sure like to see that movie again instead of 43 hours of PINKS!

Bah Hum-bug

Otay, I know I’m supposed to be cheerily singin’ (In the Rain) gleeful Christmas songs, with tidings ‘O joy; Fa-la-la-lah-la, Buh-blah-blah-blah!

“You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

You really are a heel.You're as cuddly as a cactus.

you’re as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch!”

But every year it seems to get FRILLIN’ Worse, with the commercial BASTARDATION of the season now traditionally starting weeks prior to Turkey-Lurkey Day, as I swear I heard a FRILLIN’ X-Mas commercial the day after Halloween, SHEISA!

And putting off my holiday shopping until the absolute final moment, I was bemused to find out that “Juan ‘O” my favourite bands has given into this gross temptation.

Asking the friendly salesman to help me find a copy of the latest Eagles release; Long Road Out of Eden, I was chagrined to hear him reply you can only buy that at WALL $MART Sir…

“F’ing A” I grunted silently to myself and replied to the cashier; Oh you mean the Eagles have finally SOLD OUT!!! (Actually I think they did several years ago with there constant Farewell tours; Part 6, 9, and 43) And it was funny hearing’ the cashier trying to defend the Band.

saying it could be their record label? To which I shot back, the CD was produced by the band.

(Even worse; "it's a little bit Country and a little bit Rock 'N Roll!)

Oh whale; “it’s beginning to look a lot like Chri$tmas…”

Rosa Luna

Rosa Luna standing tall over Molly & Chipmunk

Ironically, I penned the story about Rafael Sperfico’s death this past Friday, thus it was with great sadness that I learned of Rosa Luna’s much too early death upon being struck by an errant motor vehicle last Thursday.

Ok, I realize that its NOT the same thing as a Human being passing away, nor does it compare to the current atrocities occurring in the world, yet Rosa Luna was special to me.

Most likely (If you’re still reading?) are probably wondering just who the Hell is Rosa Luna? Well she was a fantastic German Sheppard/Cattle Dog mix whom accompanied Mary Ellen during her far too short existence on this planet.

Also sometimes known as LUNA-TIC, Luna was an amazing animal, whose unbridled spirit brought great amusement and joy to those who came in contact with her.

Having just made the trek to Canada this past week, I had the privilege of going for one last glorious walk in the woods with Luna, whom truly loved to run as fast as possible and play with anybody or any animal that she came into contact with. Even having gone into the cold Frasier River several times on our “Walk About.”

As I lay down for my evening’s slumber, I had to laugh be-smerchingly at that DAMN Dog, while wiping the dirt left from the day’s trek when Luna had sneakily laid down upon my temporary bedding, as Luna was always the Boss!

Thus it was with great sadness that I received the telephone call Saturday afternoon from the Great White North informing me of Luna’s untimely death, as she was still only a pup in spirit and perhaps two years old?

And I know it’s not how Elvis intended;

but “I’ll have a Blue, Blue Christmas without you: Luna!

Oh Canada!

ACK! Another bleak, grizzly, COLD, WET, Grey, Gloomy day here in the Pacific Northwest… While I was away playing’ Up North, eh? I see that my Most EXCELLENT Blogmeister has restored the site back to working order!

And perhaps it’s just me, but it was a bit galling to go from the cozy, warm confines of Arizona’s 75+ degrees (F) to the “Artic” climes of Vancouver, BC’s +3 degrees (C/21F)

And even more disheartening is the PATHETIC Border crossing… If you’re driving a car, you simply drive up to the Customs Agent booth, hand your papers, *Papers, We DON’T need NO stinkin’ papers!) Answer a few obligatory questions and drive off. But if you’re going Greyhound, (Which is perpetually LATE!) you’ve got to perform a whole different routine. First you have to disembark the bus with your belongings. Then gather your bags from the driver and go inside the customs office and stand in a really LONG line… Then you have to wait for the agents to show up, while the bomb sniffing dog nudges your back pack along with sniffing you… Err, your bags. Then its time for being grilled over the coals upon your reason for ingressing/egressing the States, before putting all of your bags thru an X-Ray machine. So we were only one hour LATE due to this extravagant border crossing procedure, as it will only get WORSE the closer we get to the 2010 Winter Olympics…

As Carmen sez; Blame KANA-DUH!

(Although the entry into the US is way more arduous then going to Canada…)

TORA TORA TORA!!!

WOW! What a FREAKIN’ Entertaining day today has been! First of all sorry for the site being down for the last 6+ hours…

As I’ve just spent the entire day working thru a litany of Technical Difficulties regarding the intricacies of how the FUCKING Internets work…

Apparently Blogger.com did NOT enjoy my story titled Tora Tora Tora! As it appears that not only did the Zero’s strike Hickman Field 66 years ago today but also strafed the No Fenders site…

With the help of my MOST EXCELLENT Blogmeister along with being bamboozled by “Techno-Babble” from 5 different Tech Support DORKNOES @ Go Daddy… I’ve learned way more about coding and scripting issues then I ever wanted too know!

So where did all of the data go? Is it on the server? Is it in the index file? Did you change the script? How do you publish the story? Sounds like it’s a Blogger issue, since we DON’T have access into your account Sir… Who’s on first? What’s on Second? Did Helioe really WIN the Dancin’ with FOOLS contest… Oh Never Mind!

After all of that, my Blogmeister resolved the issue on his own!

Hmm? Perhaps Go Daddy doesn’t like me calling their top pitchman, err pitchwoman “Princess,” eh?

KUDOS Blogmeister!

Tora Tora Tora!

With today being “A Day of Infamy!” I thought it only appropriate to post
Something loosely relating to our Japanese brethren, since 66 years ago the course of history was forever changed…

(If I’m really clever I’ll have this up by 7:55AM, which I believe is when the initial wave of Zero’s & Kate’s appeared over their intended targets…)

The pictures were originally intended for the story Time Stands Still, which I posted on Veteran’s Day, but my “CONFUZERr” was having “Issues (Technical Difficulties) and hence I’m posting them today instead…

Mic-Nuggets?

Uhm? Is it just me, err DON’T answer that! But I find it a bit funny that the Washington State Fryers Commission is running ads celebrating their 50 year anniversary during the “Turkey Lurkey” weekend… And it’s a “cute” ad, saying that the chickens aren’t 50yrs old, since those would be some “Tough Birds!” But I digress…

(See what happens when Blogger is experiencing “Technical Difficulties” and won’t let me publish the dag-nabbit story, which I tried doing twice this morning…)

Upon noting that the 2007 Racing season has now finished with the conclusion of the RASSCAR “Chump-pee-onship” weekend… I settled down to watch the chequered flag edition of my favourite racing program, Wind Tunnel with Dave Despain. And "GOLL -LEEEEeee…” They even let their resident Open Wheel soothsayer Robin Miller chime in on the final episode.

As usual, Miller had me cracking’ up in only a matter ‘O moments… As Despain and co-host Mike Joy were laying the RASSCAR angle on thick. With a caller asking Miller why don’t all of dem Open Wheelers have to go to the Richard Petty school ‘O driving performance? Apparently our “boyzs” Carpentier, Hornish Jr. and Villeneuve had a hard time stayin’ outta the way in Homestead…

For a few weeks now Despain has been asking viewers what’s the Biggest Story of the Racing season? And I was surprised to hear the ‘ol Windbag himself correctly point out that it unequivocally has to be the “Stepney Gate” spy scandal…

Thus Despain asked Miller what his biggest story was. To which Robin retorted that the SADDEST story of the year is definitely the mass exit us of Open Wheel drivers to RASSCAR… Saying how it shows how far Open Wheel has fallen when successful drivers are content to go run 35th in France Cup every weekend!

Despain then asked did I hear this right? Your biggest story of the season is Formula 1? It was until this morning when Darrell Waltrip told the truth about RASSCAR SUCKING the life outta Tony Stewart and Kevin Harvick…

My second biggest story is how “The Ronster’s” ARROGANCE COST Lewis Hamilton the World Championship… Making him stay out on track forever and spinning off into the sand trap in China. But that makes me happy, ‘cause Ron Dennis now has to be miserable for the entire winter!

Wait a second, Dennis’s Arrogance cost Hamilton the title? Well they kept telling Ron he’d better pit for tires each lap… And ok, “Jaguar” going crazy on the first lap in Brazil wasn’t Ron’s fault. But, Boo-Hoo-Hoo!” Poor Mr. Dennis… He’s a BAD Guy!

(We’ll pause a moment here for the Ronster. Having to get dem “Kraut’s” to fess up $100 million in Euros, let’s see, that’s ‘bout $45 million in funny money, eh?)

Apparently the humongous gaps in the Champ Car calendar along with pinching ‘O pennies by SPEED not wishing to send Miller Down Under has compelled him to cover “Flat liners?” (NHRA)

Actually this seems to be another sign of the current plight of Open Wheel racing, as Miller stated that Champ Cars TV rating have gotten so bad, that they don’t send anyone to bother covering the races anymore! Yet I do find it hilarious how I’d rather hear Miller reporting on those Nitro burners then the 24/7 continuous DRIBBLE ‘O Roundy-round on the RASSCAR Shoppin’ Network…

Sadly Miller seems to think that the entire focus of Open Wheel Racing wrests upon the shoulders of “The Princess!” Who’d uh thunk-it that the 100lb media darling would become our guiding light?

And it seems like Miller’s gonna be really busy next year, since he’s agreed to not only chauffer ‘ol DW for the next five years, but also “Suitcase” Servia, you know De-Spain’s “brother.” Hopefully SPEED is either going to give Miller a raise or at least pay for his mileage.

But I think my pick for Funniest Story of the Year… Categorically, without a doubt was Miller and Dan “Spike” Wheldon appearing on Wind Tunnel with Miller’s circa ’82 “CHEAP” Ganassi button blatantly affixed to their chest, while Miller told Despain he was just “Showin’ the LUV!”

DON’T forget to vote for Helioe…

Happy Turkey Lurkey Day ‘Y’all!

Time Stands Still

Imagine a time when it all began

In the dying days of a war

A weapon that would settle the score

Whoever found it first would be sure to do their worst

They always had before...

RUSH; Manhattan Project (Power Windows, 1985)

Although I traditionally refrain from the topic of politics, I simply cannot avoid the most appalling thoughts I had while sightseeing in Japan recently. You see I’ve now been to both WWII Atomic Bomb sites; Hiroshima, 2004 and Nagasaki, 2007.

Obviously both sites are different, yet both were civilian targets with Hiroshima being a larger city than Nagasaki. Actually Nagasaki wasn’t the primary target on that fateful day, it was a back-up target picked when Kokura was blanketed by dense clouds, obscuring the city.

Boxcar, the second B-29 bomber assigned to carry a nuclear bomb, was low on fuel, making only one pass over the target before dropping its lethal cargo at 11:02AM. As the bomb detonated above a tennis court…

After driving from Sasebo to Nagasaki, Tanja, Albin & I hopped aboard a Tram (Street Car) and rode to a nearby Atom Bomb museum stop. The museum is of an interesting design, as we walked down a continuously spiraling carpeted walkway, into the bowels of the museum.

There are several artifacts on display, beginning with pictures of the city prior to the blast. There’s a picture of an entire city street, a school, temple, farming, horses, etc. Then there’s the clock with its hands frozen at 11:02AM, retrieved from a house approx. 3 kilometers from the blast. There are several items of glass & metal that are either twisted, bent or fused together from the bomb’s massive heat. There’s even a piece of roofing you can touch, which shows the affects of the intense temperature afflicted on the ceramic tile.

There’s a single wall left of the church that was destroyed in the holocaust, as well as a counterpart of the horrific plutonium core bomb of the original “Fat Man” weapon used on Nagasaki. It’s gigantic and I think it weighed 4,000 tons.

Reports differ over the total effects of the atomic wasteland, as Nagasaki like Hiroshima three days earlier was pulverized. And although it was known that the bombing could instantly kill everyone within a 4 kilometer radius, the then unknown effects of radiation were not understood. As countless scores of people simply died in other towns listed as; Dying, causes other than Atomic bombing…

There are several gruesome pictures of dead bodies and injured people, as Nagasaki’s population was approx. 240,000 at the impact of Fat Man. Imagine in just 30 seconds, the bombs horrifically radiant heat killed over one-fourth of the population. Another one-fourth was injured along with countless thousands left homeless!

Blast damage occurred as far away as 15 kilometers, with shrapnel flying as far as 8 kilometers. The city was leveled 2.6 miles approx. (radius) with anything black catching fire up to 4 kilometers away. As all of the telephone poles left standing were charred on the side facing the blast!

On display, a section of wall recovered is quite intriguing. It too was also 4 kilometers away from the blast. Yet the bombs flash and heat was so bright and hot that it fused a man’s shadow and piece of leather into the wall! There’s also the shadow of a picket fence on the wall along with the image of leaves fused into a piece of wood…

Various exhibits with time lines of the history of the Manhattan Project are interspersed with other related events. There’s current day Atomic statistics, like every Nations projected nuclear arsenal with Russia listed at 16,000 weapons followed by the US at 10,000. And there’s a display listing every Nations atmospheric and underground Atom bomb tests since WWII.

Yet the most chilling display to me was the current day Nuclear weapons facilities, since this included Hanford, WA. I suppose why it sent a chill up my back was because it was the only video playing in English, as person after person discussed the devastating health effects of the “Down-winders.” Ranging from damaged Thyroid’s, cancer and multiple birth defects! (40+ years after being built)

Next we walked to the adjoining Peace Park, which features an elaborate display at Ground Zero, with the grass lawn being interspersed with concrete rings leading inwards to the huge 10 meter tall peace statue adorned by a black marble vault containing the names of the atomic bomb victims and survivors who died in subsequent years. A plaque gives the following statistics:
Dead: 73,884
Injured: 74,909
Sufferers: 120,820
Houses burned down:11,574
Houses half-ruined, 5,509
Houses partly damaged 50,000

At the south end of the park is a giant flowing water fountain. This Fountain of Peace was created in 1969 giving prayer to all of the people who perished in the bombing while vainly searching for water.

At the base of the fountain is a black stone plaque with Lines from a poem carved into it. They were written by a girl named Sachiko Yamaguchi, who was nine at the time of the bombing,

It reads:

"I was thirsty beyond endurance. There was something oily on the surface of the water, but I wanted water so badly that I drank it just as it was."

Montezuma’s revenge?

Once again SPEED ran long with its “live AMA Scooter-Fest” at Laguna Seca, going 10+ minutes into The Speed Report and thus effectively chopping Robin Miller out of NOT “Juan” but BOTH of his evening’s segments…

Thus I was “Peeved-Off” after Dave Despain kept strokin’ out the Open Wheel segment of Wind Tunnel co-Host Miller as the video tape faded to black just as Robin started discussing the latest potential driver market shake ups. (Shaken, Not Stirred, eh?)

Therefore I was forced to seek any further words ‘O punditry via the internets where as always Robin Miller’s latest SPEED commentary pulled NO punches…

I particularly liked the headline: Two Black Eyes for Champ Car. You see Miller was noting how it was abominable how first Oriel Servia and now Ryan Dalziel have bothed been punted in favour of public relations hiring’s of doce hombres David Martinez and Mario “Boom Boom” Dominguez.

As Dalziel has just been dumped from Pacific Coast Motorsports after a three year stint of building the team from the ground up, with Robin noting that neither Servia nor Dalziel are suitcases stuffed full ‘O Peso’s Paying drivers… No, they made their way up the ladder the ‘ol fashion way, with raw talent.

Of course this latest move most likely has something to do with esoteric promoter’s requirements of fielding two Mexicano’s in order to have the Guacamole Heads show up in full force. As unfortunately most of the solid Mexican hot shoes have opted for either rides in Tin Tops or Sports Cars. Almost makes you not wanna watch this season finale, eh? And certainly puts the kibosh on rooting for PCM in the future, yet perhaps Dalziel will land a better Champ Car ride in 2008?

And may be, just may be? I’ll get to hear ‘ol Miller reminisce about the good ‘ol dayzs ‘O Mexico City when his pal Tommy “The Gasman” Sneva commandeered a school bus.

Viva la Mexico!

Rumour du Jour

In case you haven’t noticed. I enjoy the rantings of a certain Open Wheel reporter. So I’ll admit it… I’m a Robin Miller fan, which means I look forward to each weekend’s SPEED news programs in hopes of seeing the gift ‘O gab… As I enjoy getting the story straight from the Horse’s…

And Miller was chock full ‘O speculation on Wind Tunnel Sunday night, having done the Open Wheel double, Richmond and Mont-Tremblant. As Dave Despain noted he’d wracked up his air miles last weekend.

Despain wanted to know what happened to Miller’s main squeeze Milka Duno. Or as Danny B originally called her “Milk ‘N Doughnuts.” As apparently her CITGO sponsored car got plenty of air time whenever the leaders passed her before simply disappearing. As Miller said, the IRL finally got wise and parked her. Although Duno said her wrist was hurting her. Miller retorted… Probably from waving EVERYBODY By! As she almost caused 40 wrecks in 45 laps. I saw her team owner in the airport this morning. And he wasn’t drinking, but he should be…

Despain then wanted to jump into the Silly Season rumour mill. Miller started off by saying that Sam Hornish Jr. is gone from Indy Car and will replace Curt Busch’s teammate next year in RASSCAR. Ryan Newman is tired of loosing and is down the road. So who will take one of the IRL’s premiere seats? Miller noted that Tony Kanaan is fairly unhappy at Andretti Green Racing and Miller’s spies said that TK had been spotted having a 1 hour chat with the Captain. So perhaps TK and Spiderman will have to patch up their relationship sooner than planned?

And I enjoyed the part of Miller stating that he’d gotten his Montoya leaving RASSCAR early story wrong. Doing a bad “Cheep” Ganassi impersonation… See Miller, Montoya won and you don’t know what the HELL you’re talking ‘bout… To which Robin snorted. You heard it here first Kids! Monty will quit Nextel Cup to join the World ‘O Outlaws this September…

And while P.L. Newman and Carl Haas would be happy to have Marco Andretti as Bourdais’s replacement, Miller’s pretty sure that both Poppa Mikey and the IRL won’t let that happen. So Robin said why not Justin Wilson? Who apparently is eager to get out of RSports with his CDW sponsorship!

If Dario wins the Indy Car title this year will he gracefully retire to go run the American Le Mans Series with the Indy 500 as a one-off?

And Dan Wheldon wants to go where the bleachers are full every weekend… You know, Moto GP! Err, RASSCAR. Will Ganassi partner the feisty Brit with MAC Montoya?

And note to Despain… While YES you’re a shill… NOT for Champ Car or the IRL. You’re a SHILL for RASSCAR!!!

Speed Bites

With the over abundance of television watching I did on Sunday. I missed SPEED’s program switches, wondering why the Moto GP race was cutting into The Speed Report. Which threw the evening programming off a half hour. Even as SPEED continued playing adds claiming that the show was on at its regular air time…

And since I was busy watching to see if Montoya could win in Sonoma, I’ve just finished watching it on tape. (Since I had to re-record my two shows)

Now strangely, I thought I caught The Speed Report’s Nicole Manske getting in on the Open wheel bashing during the first airing of the show. (Inbetween commercial breaks) When I could swear she told Robin Miller that the 12 Champ Cars finishing the race were more than the IRL had running at the end of the Iowa Corn Bowl. “Whoa Nellie!” Quick reset the VCR!

Yet per usual, Robin Miller’s segment was way too short! As Manske started out by telling Miller that Paul Tracy got some revenge upon Bourdais claiming that he was washed-up! And Miller just said that Hell Yes Tracy needed the win, since he’s nearing 40… (Uh, Robin he’s 38)

Miller’s two scoops of the day were that he believes that the Hamburgalur has a signed deal to drive for Scuderia Toro Rosso next year alongside, drum roll please… Nope, not Scott “Nose” Speed, but none other than Bruno Senna. As it’s worth noting that STR co-owner Gerhard Berger is deeply involved in the young Senna’s career. Does this mean that Vitantonnio Luzzi will indeed replace David Coulthard?

Thus Miller seems to believe that Speed will be trolling the champ Car paddock for a ride next season. Does this mean that we’ll have another Red Bull sponsored chassis on the grid? Hey I know. How about partnering PT next year?

Miller noted this would open up one of the top seats in Champ Car, which could make for interesting driver shuffles. And although Miller didn’t say it on air. Apparently he told Nicole off camera that possibly Marco Andretti would jump into Sea Bass’s seat? Wow! Could you imagine an Andretti, Rahal, Speed and Figge (ALL American’s) in Champ Car?

Meanwhile the usual RASSCAR Posse called into Wind Tunnel with Dave Despain. Although not to talk about Juan Pablo’s win at Sears Point Raceway. Although one fan did tell Despain that he’s now a Montoya fan… And that JPM has won him over and he’ll be buying the Montoya hat, NOT the Hamilton hat. As Hamilton’s short career doesn’t compare to Montoya’s overall accomplishments.

At least both programs agreed that the Iowa Corn 250 was a “DOG” of a race, as it garnered The Speed Report’s “Un-Smooth Move” award of the evening with Ms. Manske calling it a crash fest. And Despain hammered his loyal IRL supporter over how TERRIBLE of an event it was! Yet in consolation Despain told the female caller that she’s done MORE to promote the Indy Racing League than their hired gun Gene “I AM Indy” Simmons…

For more of Robin Miller's latest, see: Pressing Questions

Stirring the Pot

The “Split’s” obligatory conjuring of controversy is ripe once again with the story penned by Robin Miller on how Tony “Ronnie” George has let Kevin Kalkhoven standing at the altar.

Miller states that Champ Car’s tycoon Kalkhoven offered George the “plumb deal” of having some of Champ Cars biggest names come and compete at this year’s Indy 500 in efforts to spice up the show. And all that Mr. George had to do was provide free Honda “lumps” for Kalkhoven’s “All Stars.”

Yet in another pathetic media bantering of “He said, She said.” George claims that he didn’t think Kalkhoven’s offer was serious… Or more likely wasn’t interested in throwing Champ Car a “Life Line” as the series has barely managed to put 17 cars onto its grid for the first three races.

Yet Champ Car did put a monster hole in its schedule to accommodate running at the Brickyard, but with its team owners wanting Roger Penske’s set-up sheets along with testing and “top flight” equipment… Don’t expect any Open Wheel series co-mingling anytime soom!

Open Wheel Pundits (Part 2)

And not to be forgotten is Robin Miller who also had a few interesting tidbits to mention about Champ Car on wind Tunnel.

Apparently there seems to possibly be some unrest between the current owners of Champ Car. Originally Dan Petitt was the “P” in PKV Racing alongside Kevin Kalkhoven and Jimmy Vasser.

Kalkhoven and Petitt made their fortunes together in Silicon Valley, yet there have been rumours of Petitt filing a potential lawsuit against Kalkhoven in regards to the parting of ways from PKV. Of course this is all conjecture as Miller claims that Gerry Forsythe said “NO, they're just kids who hate each other 6 months out of the year…”

Then there’s the part about Paul Stoddart wanting to run his precious two seaters in America. But Forsythe said I’m not gonna pay $2.4 million to run a bunch of obsolete Formula 1 cars… Which Kalkhoven replied: “If you don’t pay for half of it then we’ll only have 15 cars instead of 17!”

So Miller claims that there appears to be a mild tussle in Champ Car’s hierarchy with Petitt, Forsythe and Paul Gentilozzi ganging up on Kalkhoven. “And that’s why it’s such a Wonderful, Happy Open Wheel series…”

Ron Le Masters asked Miller if there was a report card on the new Panoz? “Yeah, the mechanics would probably give it a “D” for Difficulty to work on. There’s been problems with leaky fuel cells, refueling equipment and a bunch of tubs cracking.”

“I don’t know if this had anything to do with Tracy’s accident, but you’ve got to remember that in 2005 Buddy Rice, Paul Dana and Bruno Junqueira all broke their backs in a Panoz IRL chassis.”

“Is it the seat, the seating position or the way things are mounted? Or is the nose simply not giving enough? The Panoz DP-01 is fast, looks good and I hope it’s just a fluke with Tracy, but you’ve got to wonder about the Panoz when the star of your series gets injured at 35mph…”

It was great to see Miller interviewing Cristiano da Matta, who as Miller noted has made a remarkable recovery. In fact Da Matta has recovered so quickly that the doctor’s don’t know when to release him to return to racing. Da Matta also waved the green flag for the start of the Long Beach Grand Prix, so may be that’s why the field was so strung out?

Miller’s Milk Duds

Although I saw the “clip” of Milka Duno’s press conference where she made her big splash announcing her plans to race in the Indy Racing League this year at Homestead. Robin Miller is not impressed one iota about this…

And I hope Miller is wrong about Duno’s abilities for her sake, as he paints a pretty bleak picture about Duno’s driving prowess along with some pointed jabs towards her lack of seat time.

Not only is Milka another pretty face, but it’s pretty sad to think that Duno is a “schue-in” for Rookie of the Year in the IRL, since she’ll become the series only rookie when she competes. I hate to think that this is part of the motivation for the timing of her arrival?

Is “Ronnie” (Tony) George really that desperate for participants? Or is he simply taking a page out of “RASSCAR’s” play book by going for the Latin American crowd? (A la MAC Montoya)

And talk about your soap opera potential… How will the media find enough time to fawn over Milka, Danica and what’s her name? Err, Sarah Fisher, during the month of May…

Meanwhile Miller has reported another interesting rumour regarding Buddy Rice. Miller claims that Champ Car co-owner Kevin Kalkhoven has requested that Rice partake in the series first two events which don’t conflict with the IRL’s schedule. Yet nobody knows who Rice is driving for…

And I certainly hope that this will not deny one of the countless unemployed Champ Car drivers from getting a full time drive…

Open Wheel Notes

GASP! This weekend marks the start of the Open Wheel Racing season with the IRL striking the first blow with a night race at Homestead, Miami.

Unfortunately the IRL seems to have more “Joe-Mentum” then Champ Car at the moment. And straight from the “Horses Mouth,” Robin Miller is reporting that the IRL’s “Little Toot” (Beck Motorsports) will field a single car entry at Homestead. And the driver will be Alex Barron who spent last year in the Champ Car Atlantics trying to capture the $2 million prize.

Meanwhile Miller notes that Gerry Forsythe appears to be getting ready to field a second car upon the news that RuSPORT has joined forces with Rocketsports and both teams will only be fielding single car efforts. I’ll guess that Nelson Philippe will land the seat? He seems to be one of the best candidates, unless Forsythe is strickly going for dinero…

And David Phillips has also written lately about Champ Car needing to step up to the plate, as it seems to be possibly “Sink or Swim” time. See Phillips story: Tough Love.

Two Thumbs Up for Robin Miller

SHAME ON CHAMP CAR!

As always the outspoken barbs of the Champ Car World Series lack of entrants for the upcoming season has apparently cost the mercurial Robin Miller his writing “gig” for the floundering Open Wheel racing series.

Part of the reason I’ve enjoyed Robin’s RANTS so thouroghly over the past several years is because Miller isn’t shy of bashing BONEHEADED judgements made by sanctioning bodies, race series owners, drivers, fans and anything relavent to the world of Open Wheel racing.

Yet in the overwhelming world of being “PC” squeaky clean in the ever diminishing field of independent media, Champ Car has made a MAJOR ERROR by giving Miller the boot! And I can only hope this will not land Gordon Kirby the same fate.

Therefore I say hurrah to Speed TV for having the BALLS to have Robin Miller on its staff and what a bunch ‘O DUMBKAMPFS to the management at Champ Car who were unwilling to take a little constructive criticism. Perhaps this is why I have NOT received one single reply to the four letters I sent to Champ Car, PKV Racing and Global Events expressing my displeasures at the Portland autograph session last year, eh? See: Champ Car sends Devoted Fan Fuming

On last Sunday’s Wind Tunnel with Miller and Ed Hinton as co-hosts, Miller was on-form with his quips about being dumped by Champ Car, playfully having fun asking Mr. Despain if he could get him anything? “C’mon Dave-Play Along, I need to keep this job!”

Yet thankfully Miller hasn’t been swayed by his firing, as he answered the tough questions of how many cars will be on the grid for both Open Wheel series. Miller nonchalantly reported that the IRL will have a solid 18-19 cars, with Champ Car fielding somewhere between 1518. Can you say Merger?

This was upon The Speed Report’s Nicole Manske playing up Miller’s firing and Champ Car co-owner Kevin Kalkhoven’s comments that there will be some Really-Really-Really BIG announcements shortly…

For more of Robin Miller’s insightful sarcasm on the world of Open Wheel Racing, See: Open Wheel being trampled by Nextel Cup