Friday, July 26, 2013

INDY 500: 2013 Reflections, Trampling Upon a Tradition



Is this soon to be another forgotten relic from the past Glory ‘Dazes of IMS? As versions of these famous Quilts have been passed out to Indy 500 winners every year for decades now. (DOB)
Carrying on with this theme of pointing out some of the Fine Folks of Indianapolis Motor Speedway’s “McManagement,” (if you’re still reading, eh?) this was actually more DISAPOINTING then the Indy 500 Raceday entry CLUSTERFUCK!

Go Away, We’re NOT Open!
I was first introduced to the Flagroom Bar located inside the hallowed grounds of Indianapolis Motor Speedway ‘Wayback in July, 2007, my third trek to Mother Speedway, even going one step better by staying at the now long since demolished Brickyard Hotel when taking my Two-seater ride around IMS.


Which upon many of the various celebrities I’ve met over the years there, Included my favourite character, the ‘legendous Doctor Who, who I last saw just over one year ago now before he perished - who surely wouldn’t have been overly impressed by the Track’s antics over closing our favourite hangout...


Thus, ever since that enjoyable  ’07 trek to Mother Speedway, I’ve been a devoted ‘N loyal PAYING Customer of both the Flagroom Bar and adjoining Brickyard Crossing Restaurante, having repeatedly eaten meals in both establishments surely prepared by the same kitchen...

And my visits to the Flagroom typically (average 4-times plus per year) begin on the Thursday evening of what surely must be the Speedway’s largest, busiest and MOST profitable weekend of the year; can Y’all say INDY 500!

As I have NO idea what happened this May, and I’m curious if they’ll repeat the BLUNDER over the Brickyard 400 weekend? As its hard to compare ‘N contrast the euphoria of mingling with Buddy Lazier & Tim Wardrop, ‘Uncle Bobby (Unser) and “symona-Symona,” (de Silvestro) last year - having patronized said establishments Thursday-Sunday vs. ONE measly hour stay after the race this year...




Having been picked up at the Indianapolis airport by my Personal Assistant, Purveyor ‘O ALL things Indy, ‘Offical No Fenders Photographer, etc, ‘CARPETS first pointed out to me another one of Indy Cars typical blunders, as unfortunately he didn’t have camera in hand when informing me that the Dallara DW12(?) Showcar on display at the airport still had LOTUS listed upon I-T as Official Engine Supplier to IndyCar; YIKES! As Dave Mused, couldn’t they have at least either removed that or put some sort of sticker over IT? As I suppose this should have been a sign of things to come, eh?

Thus, walking into our usual yearly Waterin’ Hole, we were disappointed to discover the Flagroom was closed and even more disappointed when the waitress in the Restaurante told us the kitchen’s closing in 5mins Y’all; Huh? But its ONLY 7:55PM ET, to which in a rare fit of clarity I briskly told the waitress NO THANKS, WE’RE LEAVING!

And the Flagroom remained CLOSED the following two-days plus; WTF? As somebody didn’t relent upon this disturbing theme until Sunday afternoon following the race, in order to stop a possible stampede?

Hence, are you listening IMS? We took our business elsewhere instead of dining at your funky ‘lil hole in the wall over the entire weekend!

And I won’t name names here, but suffice I-T to say, that when we inquired with a longtime celebrity and loyal patron of said establishments, remarking can you believe what they’ve done this year in regards to NOT having the historic Flagroom open all weekend long, she simply ‘N curtly replied without hesitation: THEY DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US!!!

And NO! It wasn’t Chairwoman Emeritus Mary Hulman George who we spotted exiting the mostly empty Brickyard Crossing Restaurante late Saturday evening. (When we’d finally had our first meal there...) While witnessing another in the multitudes of longtime patrons seeking to pop into the Flagroom for an “Adult Beverage” and perhaps mingle with some of the Starz ‘O Yesteryear. As I heard a young man telling his older father: sorry, they’re closed!

And another “expert” mused that perhaps they simply didn’t want that overly shady “Poison” crowd frequenting their establishment after the Carb Day concert? To which I quickly retorted: Lynyrd Skynyrd isn’t worse? As we’d enjoyed refreshments ‘N food the previous year while the long in-the-tooth Southern Rockers classic “Freebird” played over the Bar’s close circuit TV.

But wait, I-T gets even better! As at least we could enjoy the all you can eat Buffet Sunday morning pre race, right? NOPE! 86 that Race Fans! After arriving shortly before 9AM at the Brickyard Crossing Restaurante, a la as we’d done the previous year in order to BEAT THE HEAT! The six of us entered the Restaurante on our own accord and seated ourselves, only being told belatedly we couldn’t do this, and thus getting up, walking back out to the entrance, the lady then said follow me; SHEISA! What is this, ring around the rosy?

Having been seated and taking our drinks order, we decided we’d better go get in the fast  growing buffet line, which had come to a screeching halt and wasn’t moving at ALL! With NO idea of why? We worked our way forwards before Dave frantically attempted scooping up any of the remaining food onto our plates before we were curtly informed at 9AM that they were completely OUT of food; WHAT-THE-FUCK INDEED!!!

As this was a pretty SHITTY prank pulled upon us by the Fine Folks of CIBUS? Who IMS has apparently “Outsourced” the Restaurante to, as we’d planned on eating breakfast there, as in like I don’t know, a WHOLE breakfast instead of the scoop of watery eggs, crumply bacon and lone miniature muffin ‘CARPETS had been able to snag for me!

Oh ‘Whale, we could always get something on our way into the track right? NOT THIS FUCKING YEAR! Thank You Very Little Doug Bolles ‘N Company! As Y’all know already ‘bout the 2hr CLUSTERFUCK of entering Mother Speedway...

Yet adding insult to injury as the six of us sat there dumbfounded over how we’d just been Shanghaied by CIBUS, the waitress had the audacity to try charging us for six FULL meals; Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot Again!

Oh yeah, I left out the part about how the entire outside patios had been snapped up by Corporate Sponsors, who’d ultimately vacuumed up A-L-L of the FREAKIN’ FOOD! As further insult to injury was how after they’d turned everybody away at 9AM and told ALL of the “little people” to GO AWAY! And after all of the corporate Schmucks had been served - it got even more stranger when some 20-30 minutes later they brought out leftover food from a party for sixty people who’d apparently NOT  shown up?

As I sat there in disbelief, one of the ‘Hosers (‘KuhNuck’s) in our group patiently explained to me how they’d seen this movie before, when the three Open Wheel Racing Aficionados were slowly squeezed out of their home race at Toronto which was Gentrified by Corporations which subsequently took away A-L-L of the viewing mounds and public food outlets away from the “Casual Fan” before these three DieHard Fans got so PISSED OFF by this roughshod treatment that they simply STOPPED attending their hometown race... Once again, ARE YOU LISTENING INDYCAR? As I don’t know ‘bout Y’all but I’m not only growing tired of the constant thanking the fans routine, but am really wondering if there’s any substance behind IT???

And ALL of this ATTROCIOUS behaviour towards the loyal paying public, since as I poond away on Zed Keyboard, cannot simply help but wonder if perhaps this is all some sort of ploy towards a master plan to Gentrify the Flagroom and Brickyard Crossing restaurante whilst waiting for ‘Ol Mother Mary (Hulman) to kick thee bucket before ultimately turning it into some sort of Members Only establishment?

As final case-in-point, the woman named Barb who shows old racing movies on weeknights was originally doing this in the Flagroom and bringing a steady 20-30 persons to each weeknight’s showing before summarily being told to go away! As what’s WRONG with this picture, eh?

Oh Never Mind! That’s right, I forgot. THEY DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT US! Y’all know, the Paying Fans that return yearly to their Playground... 

(Photo Courtesy of No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer ‘CARPETS)

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

INDY 500: 2013 Reflections, Bad Vibes Aboundnd at IMS...




Really like the Driver and Team in general of this racecar, just NOT a fan of their Indy 500 *VIP* Pitlane Guest! (DOB)
While IndyCar continuously attempts flyin’ the A-L-L Sunshine ‘N Rainbows Flag, suffice it to say, NOT everythingy was “Peachy-king” this Memorial Day, especially regarding thee MOTHER “O A-L-L CLUSTERFUCKS!!! Regarding trying to enter the Speedway on Raceday; Can You Hear Me Now Mr. Miles? Along with the STUPIDITY of NOT having our favourite Waterin’ Hole open until Sunday after the race, not to mention the HORRIFIC service in the adjoining Restaurante; SHEISA! PULL YOUR FREAKIN’ HEADZ OUT IMS!!!

Yet, that being said, there was also ample amounts ‘O goodness surrounding Mother Speedway as I suppose with any facility that ‘Gynormous there’s bound to be continuous Shits ‘N Giggles, right? Nevertheless, here are some of the more atrocious blunders that occurred over the weekend, as I’d ‘LUV to be the proverbial “Fly On-the-Wall” after this most important ‘RASSCAR weekend’s event...

Bad Vibes
  • Flagroom Bar/Brickyard Crossing Restaurant completely Mismanaged
  • Sarah Fisher Hartman Racing Celebrity Stunt
  • Indy Lights series lack of entrants
  • IMS Speakers blaring out CRAPY ARSE musak
  • Ice Skating on stairs

Note
 I’ve decided to scribble ‘bout the Butchery inflicted upon the Flagroom in a separate post, since after all I-T was the main dissatisfaction I had with the oft bungling management of IMS!

INDY 500: 2013 Reflections, Trampling Upon a Tradition

The Sarah Show
If Sarah Fisher Hartman Racing was looking for attention, they certainly got I-T with the hosting of controversial ex-Alaska Governor and Vice President Candidate Sarah “PAY-land; YUK!

And although I understand the need for publicity but really Sarah, Andy and ‘Wink; WTF? It was bad enough hosting Hillary “Dillery” Rodham Clinton, but now Sarah Palin; FUCK! As Y’all certainly got my attention...

Having been a H-U-G-E Fan ‘O Sarah’s over the years, along with being very high upon Joseph Newgarden - who certainly has to be in the running for next debutant IndyCar winner, I’m afraid to say that this ‘lil publicity stunt BACKFIRED! At least for Mwah, since although the SFHR building was closed on Memorial Day, which seems a mistake, as it’d be my first chance to visit I-T! Even if it had been opened, due to the Palin Affair, I’d vowed to NOT purchase any of the SFHR ‘Swag I’d previously been intending to. So “Here’s Your Sign,” Sarah!

Where’s duh Beef?
And although it was thee BEST Indy Lights Freedom 100 race I’ve ever been too, albeit only my fourth event, as how can I even possibly attempt describing the totally UNHEARD of 4-wide finish! Nevertheless, Y’all have to be mightily concerned over the current LACK of Firestone Indy Lights series entrants, as I’ve been thru at least two iterations of this feeder series demise - as the current single digit number of fulltime competitors makes me think of another long, lost & forgotten feeder series known as the North American Touring Car Championship with Home team Pacwest Racing running the Factory backed Dodge Stratos for David Donohue & Dominic Dobson...

Can Y’all Hear Me Now?
If its NOT bad enough already, as I have NOTHING positive to say about the Pit Stop contest - which I find to be an absolute WASTE of time; the ONLY thingy worse then the pathetic Hurry Up ‘N Wait made for TV Infomercial-fest without doubt has to be Mother Speedway’s Public Address speakers blaring out CRAPY ARSE musak during the overly long periods between each of the respective Pit Stop contest; Eh competitors, as you simply cannot even remotely hear yourselves whilst trying to have a conversation during the long winded event, as I quickly decided to re-insert my earplugs! As somebody thought we needed to have the PA System turned up to 12! And I won’t even bother lamenting over the musak selection, eh?

Slip Slidin’ Away
FUCK! IT’S STILL SWOLLEN! ‘Whale partially now some six-weeks since landing upon I-T! And yeah, I made the unusual practice of going to my doctor and having it checked out, getting X-Rays taken, etc.

As adding insult to injury after the 2hr CLUSTERFUCK of trying to enter the Brickyard, which I must admit was somewhat diminished by a great ending race! After having been helped down the 47-rows of stairs from our nosebleed Row WW seats in Turn-4, my friends made the mistake of telling me I only had four easier ‘lil stairs remaining...

Yet some FREAKIN’ GOOBER had managed to spill copious amounts of liquid, which naturally I’d presume was beer upon the metal stairs, as my friends tried to warn me my feet careened out from underneath - as it was akin to Ice Skating! As my feet immediately slid across the slick metal surface as my entire weight was placed smartly upon my left elbow before I preceded to slide down on my left side’s ‘bum to the bottom of the stairway; SHEISA! As this Bud’s for You, whoever made the ensuing mess which naturally BLIND and visually impaired persons cannot S-E-E! As fortunately it’s only a “Flesh Wound,” and my elbow’s not broken...



For more 2013 Indy 500 lowlights, see; INDY 500: 2013 Reflections, Trampling Upon a Tradition


(Photo Courtesy of No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer ‘CARPETS)

Monday, July 22, 2013

INDY 500: 2013 Reflections, Ugliness Abounds at the Speedway




9-11 Review: Jets Impact the Twin Towers. (Source: 911review.com)
NOTE: For reasons unknown, I suppose I-T was Morbid Curiosity? Not only did I print an image off of the Speed channel page depicting said incident but have subsequently held onto it the following twelve years. Yet as is typical in life, having seen I-T a month ago when NOT looking for it, of course now I cannot find I-T; URGH!

This is NOT America,
NO!


I suppose I’m laying myself rife for comments towards the Tin foil Hat Conspiracy zealots, along with being UN-Patriotic; BUTT! What in the Holy Fuck happened on Raceday morning when the Indianapolis Motor Speedway made entering its hallowed, sacred and beloved grounds such a FUCKING MISERABLE STUPID CLUSTERFUCK!!!

As really IMS? Was that the absolutely Bestest Y’all could do in the name of “Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge” $ecurty??? As in the immortal words ‘O Larry: What a Nightmare! As unbeknownst to us, it would take OVER 2hrs to crack the IMS’s outer fencing due to the overtly RIDICULOUS closing of the majority of the entrance gates for an unexceedingly UN-happy and growing quickly disenfranchised law abiding public. As I’m told that throngs of people grew increasingly frustrated with the futility of trying to find an entrance point and began simply shoving & pushing their way to the front of the line whilst ceasing to wait their respective turns...

Thus, is this what Indianapolis Motor Speedway and the State of Indiana truly wants? Organized Chaos, Unruliness, Skirmishes & Fightings, Knifings, Beatings and perhaps even Murder(s) all in the vain and guise and hopes of being able to call out the militia in order to backup overzealous police?

Oh, wait a ‘My-nute, for a second there, I thought I was talking perhaps about Iraq, Afghanistan or even Bahrain? As I forgot this was supposed to be about Indiana’s small town USA city Speedway and that fabled race track at 16th & Georgetown...

As supposedly the CLUSTERFUCK was due to some supposed “Bomb Scare” in the Coke lot the night before the race; Yeah that’s the Ticket! As Glory Hallelujah be thy Name... As really? We’re gonna all roll over, say Rub my belly and put up with this SHIT? For Kri$t’ss Sake, it was somebody with some “Boom-Boom” Fireworks...


Although it now appears after a very quick scouring of Zed Internetz, that the F$$KING Security was planned all along, albeit nary a PEEP was mentioned prior to the race anywhere that I’m aware of, i.e.; IndyStar, IndyCar or local TV? As, sorry Mr. Doug Bolles, it DIDN’T A-L-L GO SWIMMINGLY (SMOOTH) as you suggest as the procedures for searching personal coolers created thee ultimate NIGHTMARE for getting into the facility, as Y’all better rethink and re-Strats-uh-Gize your procedures in order to expedite ingress/egress to Mother Speedway! Uhm, Gee Wally, like may be instituting ropes/barriers in order to aid in the orderly movement of pedestrians in line, as NONE of the six people in my party ever heard a single word about this!


And then Y’all need to make it easier, or ‘Gawd Forbid institute a Handicap access lane for people with Disabilities? As I spent two hours getting bumped around while trying to keep from not having my white cane broken by the unbearingly H-U-G-E crowds which became moving chicanes at several points along the way due to the crowds simply being larger than the corresponding entry gate’s “Checkpoint Charlie” locations, all of which was caused by the exceedingly LIMITED amount of entry gates actually open; Uhm IMS? “Here’s Your FREAKIN’ Sign!”


While I’m almost embarrassed to mention this - potentially causing $ecurity to become even MORE RETARDED; BUTT! At the very least I think you need to make the authoritative figures controlling the crowd ALL wear some sort of matching uniforms which are easily identifiable to the Blind and Visually Impaired!

As after an hour and forty-five minutes plus of being jostled, bounced and pushed around while seeking an entry way into our Turn-4 seats, we were confronted by some obnoxious clandestine woman who appeared to be simply dressed in civilian clothing...

As she told my escorting helper that she wasn’t supposed to let anybody thru carrying a BAG of potato chips; WTF? But would let him pass since he was helping me get to my seat, while never ever once even remotely considering checking my backpack I was wearing which certainly the backpack straps were clearly visible!

As I suppose it was somewhat karmic that a great ‘lil novel I’d purchased the paperback to a zillion years ago when I could read unaided flooded into my mind during the midst of this Nightmarish attempt to find our way into Mother Speedway and our corresponding seats, to which Dave also fondly remembered, with the book in question being called “Black Sunday,” which I’d surmise that the Indianapolis Motor Speedway is impossible to protect against all conceived form of threats, i.e.; pedestrians, automobiles, delivery vehicles, team transporters, fuel delivery vehicles, catering, blimps, helicopters or small planes. As we passed four civilian ‘HELLI’s (Helicopters) along the golf course on our way exiting the Brickyard after the race; none of which seemed to be regulated; while ironically as these comments about the book came from my lips we were forced to endure the first of three religious zealots urging us to open up our hearts to Kri$tianity; BARF! As I told CARPETS and the others in our party, welcome to the new America, Y’all know that land of the brave and home of the free, or is it home of the free and land of the brave? Oh Never Mind!

As I’ll finish this rant by saying that upon finally reaching our seats, a most nauseous feeling washed over my stomach - a feeling I’ve only felt three times in the past decade-plus, with two of these being at Mother Speedway... With the first being the ultra disgusting rah-rah cisk-ca-boom ‘Uber Patriotic Nationalism sentiment being rammed down our collective throats for the 2001 USGP held a scant three weeks after that event known as 9-11.

This nausea flashed back again, or more rightly up into my esophagus upon Dave Calabro beating the Patriotism drum urging us all to “Give It Up!” for the 35-Indiana runners completing their Boston marathon around Mother Speedway; BARF!

And then adding further injury to insult was Calabro’s PATHETIC attempt of apologizing to the crowd about the inconvenience of getting into the Speedway, as the Hulman-George family appreciates your patience - Yada-yada-yada; SHEISA! As it was such a PISS POOR APOLOGY that I’ve already blocked I-T out of my mind and cannot recall the exact Sediments Calabro laid upon us!

As really Mark Miles, Indianapolis Motor Speedway needs to work upon the ingress/egress to the facility? How absolutely FUCKING BRILLIANT of you; give that man a Kupie Doll!

As the part of the article (which naturally I cannot seem to locate upon IndyStar.com now) I really enjoyed most was Miles saying we need to fix this prior to the Brickyard 400... Why? Are you afraid that ‘RASSCAR Fans WON’T tolerate such BULLSHIT and perhaps things might get out of hand? I mean Gollee! What’ll ‘Junior Nation do if they can’t get to their seats in respective time before A-L-L of their Budweisers get warm from standing in a FUCKING TWO HOUR LINE!!!

Oh Never Mind, Y’all!



For more 2013 Indy 500 lowlights, see; INDY 500: 2013 Reflections, Bad Vibes Aboundnd at IMS...

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

PICS: Lost in Translation?



This was spotted somewherez in Speedway, Indiana, actually outside of the vaunted Hall of Fame museo... As NO idea if it’s actually a mysterious Dallara Farm implement or what? As I DON’T think ‘Ol Gianpaolo followed the ‘LamborGenie route into racecar production?

(Photo Courtesy of No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer ‘CARPETS)

PICS: Sign this Bubbah!



The Infamous ‘Stinger Car that John Andretti concocted as a “living” tribute to A-L-L remaining past ‘N present Indy 500 competitors by attempting to get ALL of their respective Autographs upon this Dallara IndyCar...

(Photo Courtesy of No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer ‘CARPETS)

Monday, July 15, 2013

Gianpaolo Dallara: His Racing Cars and his New Factory



This past May upon attending the Indy 500 and looking for something to do the day after the race, ‘CARPETS said: Yuh wanna go to the Dallara factory? Sure, why not I replied. Thus the nice lady who was totally bamboozled when I said we’re supposed to get a 50% discount when we mention either Don Kay or Autosport Radio to Yuhs, simply played along with, and didn’t even question - giving us said discount on the admission plus the optional factory tour, of which ours was slated to start at 2PM.

Dave walked me ‘round reading the various placards recanting Gianpaolo’s rise to fame ‘N fortune, as I had NO idea he’d actually begun his motor racing work for Il Commendatore, nee Enzo Ferrari and his flourishing Scuderia Ferrari concern, having come straight from getting his college degree from the Politecnico di Milano University in Aeronautical Engineering. As it seems like the movie claims that Gianpaolo left Enzo’s racing team fairly quickly with NO avail to Enzo personally pleading for him to stay!

Yet the Italian left for the Maserati concern instead - as unfortunately I’ve already forgotten if it was with la Scuderia or Maserati that he caught the racing bug? Think it was Ferrari that sent him off to the Sebring 12hours race in 1959 which truly captivated him...

After a short career at Maserati - where its race team ultimately shut down in the early 1960’s, as the Sports Car concern lingered on a further four years after pulling out of Formula 1 after capturing the 1957 title with thee Impresario, a la el Maestro Juan Manuel Fangio...

Then off to Lamborghini - where Dallara truly established himself by first designing the Espada and then the radically alluring Miura nearly a half century ago before moving onto another racing car project.

Dallara Wind Tunnel IndyCar scale model. (DOB)
The Dallara Factory located on Main Street in Speedway, Indiana houses a few Indy Cars, think one was an older Pre-DW12 ‘CRAPWAGON Sarah Fisher Hartman Racing model? (As SFHR’s brand new race shop is directly alongside Dallara’s...)

With a few cars in the wide front windows - another IndyCar, think it was a DW12 in la Polizia (Police Car) black & white motif, while my favourite was the silver Grand Am Prototype (lights?) car! And there were also some scale wind tunnel models and a further all black DW12 on display whilst the sounds of (public) driving simulators could be heard off in the distance - all of which excluding the simulators we perused whilst awaiting our tour.

Also had very neat “Hands-on” displays of difference between traditional metal vs. carbon fibre strength in regards to needed for particular Downforce pressure? As all I know is that I couldn’t move the metal handle but the carbon fibre one moved quite easily...

Front view of Dallara Sports Prototype. (DOB)


Side view of Dallara Sports Prototype. (DOB)

 (All Photos Courtesy of No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer ‘CARPETS)

Racing Cars
I was also unaware that Gianpaolo was born on November 16, 1936 (according to ‘WICKEDpedia...) which to put into perspective makes Messer Dallara three-months, four days older than somebody commonly referred to as thee ‘Captain, aka Roger Penske who’s “Born-on-Date” is 2/20/37. (Age: 76)

After his initial forays with three of Italy’s most prolific Automobili concerns, i.e.; Ferrari, Maserati and Lamborghini, Dallara next set his sights upon designing a Formula 2 (F2) chassis for Alessandro de Tomaso in 1968 before an agreement was struck between Frank Williams and De Tomaso for the construction of an F1 chassis, known as the De Tomaso 505 which naturally Gianpaolo designed.

Yet sadly, Sir Frank’s lead driver Piers Courage was killed while racing the car and subsequently the F1 project was shuttered, leaving Dallara once again trying to pick up the pieces of another failed project.

Dallara decided next to go it alone and founded his own design concern Dallara Automobili in Varano,Italy in 1972 and concentrated upon helping design the Lancia Stratos Rally racers.

In ’74 Gianpaolo was lured back to F1 again by Sir Frank to help design the Iso Marlboro team cars which ultimately became the basis of Team Willy, as they later became known as the initial Williams Grand Prix Engineering FW01-03 chassis the following year.

In 1977 Williams team partner Walter Wolf hired Dallara to design him an F3 chassis that was used by none other than ‘Meesh’s favourite IndyCar team owner Bobby Rahal sporadically during ’78 before being utilized to win the 1980 Italian F3 championship.

In 1987 Gianpaolo was enticed by Giuseppe Lucchini to design the Scuderia Italia F1 chassis debuting for the ’88 season, which proved moderately successful, highlighted by Andrea de Ceaseris’s third place finish at Circuit Gilles Villeneuve in ’89 before the Minnowesqe Italian squad made the disastrous decision to switch to rival car designer Lola for the 1992 season before Lucchini pulled the plug upon the team the following year while Dallara went back to building winning F3 chassis.

Gianpaolo subsequently branched out into Indy Cars beginning in 1997, winning his inaugural Indy 500 as a chassis constructor with Eddie Cheever in the Rachel’s “Potato-mobile” before ultimately becoming the Indy Racing League’s sole chassis supplier.

A further two ultimately abortive F1 projects were commenced in the last decade-plus, first having been hired by Honda in the late 1990’s to design their stillborn chassis when Honda intended to become an actual F1 Constructor, which Honda then subsequently cancelled after the untimely death of the project manager Dr. Harvey Postlethwaite and returned to Formula 1 solely as an engine supplier with British American Racing in 2000 instead.

Next, in 2004 wealthy entrepreneur Alex Schnaider hired Dallara to design a new Midland F1 chassis with Dallara even going so far as to hire ex-Jordan Grand Prix chief designer Gary Anderson as consultant for the project before it imploded in Twenty-oh-Five.

And finally, to date, Dallara took on design duties for the new Formula 1 concern originally known as Campos Meta 1 which then became Hispania Racing Team, or HRT, designing its initial F1 chassis for the now defunct Minnowesqe Formula 1 concern which ultimately failed after being placed into Bankruptcy by its greedy Bank Owners at the end of the 2011 F1 season.

Thus the mighty Dallara Motorsports concern has been entirely successful in every motor racing category its contested with the exception of thee Pinnacle ‘O Motorsports, nee Formula 1, as Dallara has been the supplier to multiple Open Wheel Racing series including current & Former GP2; GP3; F3; Indy Lights and IndyCar, with its current sole supplier “Spec” DW12 racecar and its predecessor ‘CRAPWAGON Indy Cars.

Factory Tour
I’ll refrain from mentioning the young lady’s name who was our tour guide, as she seemed somewhat predisposed, like time for another FREAKIN’ tour - as I think ‘CARPETS commented she looked fresh out of either High School or College?

While my only complaint about her was: Hey Lady, I’m BLIND! After having split our group into two, in order to give us a better tour; Hmm? She seemed to not notice my white cane as Dave instantly told me you’ll need to speed up (repeatedly) as she took off like a bolt ‘O lightning with either NO idea I cannot track fast moving random motion like normal individuals, or... As this occurred more than once!

Tour began with us entering small cinema setting with nice plush pedalsted leather seats to watch short movie upon the founders and company’s history.

Then we were off for our tour after transiting the Security garage style door to pass thru with coded entry-keypad.

She took us thru various shop departments, starting by showing us where composites are put into molds, giving us two different types of fabric cloth to hold, as I think they were in regards to weave application, strength/rigidity usages? Have NO idea if they’re allowed to be as clever as Formula 1 Constructors who’ve allegedly figured out how to align weave patterns in order to allow front wings flex underneath their massive ‘Aero loads?

Showed us the autoclave along with telling us that their most profitable part is the front wing which retails for $15,000 apiece and they expect an average of four replacements per race I believe...

Got to hold a fabricated front suspension A-arm, made from single piece of billet stock, ARSE-sumin’ it was an upper A-arm? Also believe it was in the pre-finished green paint, which they place under some sort of Ultra Violet inspection which can reveal any cracks or welding blemishes...

Showed us the Grinding station, where typically three people would be working on assorted composite pieces but they’d given them Memorial Day off.

Showed us the cavernous hole with concrete pad where the country’s first and only full blown Dallara simulator will be placed, of which I passed upon viewing since I’d be trying to look at a somewhat deep hole in a dark cavernous space... As we were told that the building was designed around this forthcoming instillation, which I think is slated for use in either 2014/15?

Said once it’s fully functional, teams will be able to rent it out for $15,000 per six-hour session which should be cheaper than actual track time plus added benefits of no actual chassis damage.

Same as the only two full-tilt ‘boogey Dallara simulators in the world with one currently housed at Ferrari and the other at Dallara’s Italian home base.

Dallara DW12 Chassis No. 1 utilized by the late Dan Wheldon sits mounted upon the wall in its requisite carbon black test scheme - as tested by ‘Dannyboy with hopes to potentially renovate it at a sometime later date?  

Chassis Tubs No. 71 and 72 were sitting available, as a brand new stock Dallara DW12 (minus engine lease) will set you back a cool $389,000.

Currently 45% of DW12 chassis is produced in-house in Indiana, as our guide claimed that Dallara was reluctant to ramp-up to 100% capacity since the current contract is only valid until 2016 - yet surely they’re somewhat confident of continuing on by installing said simulator, right? As you’d have to assume Dallara’s in for the long haul or else it wouldn’t have agreed to be one of the anchor tenants for the Speedway Redevelopment project on Main Street, eh?

On a side note, just listened to Scott “Somenex Goodyear on Autosport Radio where he’s typically much more lively then upon the staid ABC broadcasts - telling many funny stories ‘bout booth partner Eddie Cheever, as Goodyear promptly noted how fortunate Indy Cars are to have the Dallara chassis who’s overall safety record is massively impressive. (As truly the Wheldon tragedy wasn’t a fault of their chassis...)

After a very pleasant tour, albeit I was hesitant to ask too many questions since our Tour Guide didn’t seem overly excited to interact with us, we decided to have lunch at the adjoining Biestro/Restaurante where we decided upon another Italian invention known as pizza before wandering off to our next stop, IMS’s Hall of Fame museo...

Kudos to ‘CARPETS for taking me to the Factory and being my Roving Personal Assistant!