Thursday, March 28, 2013

Vettel’s Two-headed Coin...

A ‘Churlish Michael Schumacher stands alongside the race’s virtual winner Rubens Barrichello, at the 2002 Austrian Grand Prix. (Source: The Cahier Archive; grandprix.com)
Joe Saward:
Sebastian Vettel has probably not read much of William Shakespeare. Perhaps he should have done. If he had, he might have known about Mark Anthony’s celebrated speech at Julius Caesar’s funeral, which relates that “the evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones”.

Obviously everyone’s well aware of the Machiavellian doings of Sebastian Vettel at Malaysia last weekend, which all I could say during the winners interview upon the podium when Mark Webber dropped the bombshell that ‘Seb had disobeyed team orders was WOW! As in W-FREAKIN’ O-W! HOLY HEARING AIDS BATMAN! Of which my head immediately screamed Villeneuve-Pironi! As this was simply FUCKING unbelievable!

In case you’re not aware of what I’m referring to, ‘Wayback in 1982 a similar rift developed between Gilles Villeneuve and Didier Pironi at la Scuderia, nee Ferrari, when Gilles thought he’d won the race as the Prancing Horse had allegedly ordered the two team drivers to “Hold Station” to the chequered flag with Villeneuve leading Pironi, aka Webber-Vettel, who’d been issued to bring the cars home in formation after their final pit stop by team principal Christian Horner...

"After the last stop, the team told me the race was over," said Webber. "The team made their decision. Seb made his own decision and he will have protection as usual."

Yet, some 31-years ago, Pironi pulled a Vettel and ignored team orders, passed a surprised Villeneuve, no less than upon the Tiafosi’s home soil and took the improvable win at the San Marino Grand Prix, which legend has it so infuriated the Canadian, that Gilles vowed to never speak to Didier again, as it was this incident which was most likely the catalyst leading to his death at the following round at Zolder, a fortnight later where Villeneuve most likely was trying to throw-down upon Pironi during qualifying and subsequently lost his life during the Belgian Grand Prix weekend...


Now, I’m definitely NOT trying to imply or suggest that anything even remotely similar will happen to Mark Webber, yet surely the world must see that he was the victim in this situation, and his very pointed comment noting “Vettel will have protection as usual” unfortunately rings true, as Vettel has been upper management’s Golden Boy for several years now.

Having watched Formula 1 for over a quarter century, in all that time I’ve only ever had three favourite drivers, with my last two having been chosen prior to their becoming multi-times world champions, the first being “The Professor,” and the latter duo being from Germany, having the last names of Schumacher and Vettel, and NO! I’m NOT talking about the world famous Ralfanso, aka Ralf, but his older brother Michael...

Thus I found myself feeling completely gutted and a ‘Wee bit maudlin over the stunning actions of who I’ve taken to calling Master ‘Zebb for the past few years now, as he definitely showed his true colours Sunday at the Sepang International Circuit, who’s initials just so happen to ironically spell SIC! As in yeah ‘Seb your antics were totally SICK, TWISTED & DERANGED!

Now I’m not going to say that I’m naïve enough to believe that top flight athletes aren’t arrogant, egotistical & ruthless Son of Bitches... As hey, nobody’s just gonna pull over and say you go ahead and win cause you’re a nice guy and I like you! As I’m guessing nearly all of the multiple world champions in the sport had some sort of ice in their veins when it came to their competition, eh?

As four such characters immediately spring to mind when thinking of the derisive ruthlessness Vettel showed in Sepang: can you say Schumacher, Senna, Prost and Alonso? As ‘Skewmaaker as a one David Hobbs likes calling him antics are ‘legendous, having bloodied his nose when purposely trying to ram Jacques Villeneuve off track in order to win another world title for Ferrari...

Not to mention this controversial victory made me flashback to that oh, so awkward moment on the Austrian podium, where Michael Schumacher didn’t know what to do with himself after ‘Rubino (Rubens Barrichello) had been ordered to slow down on the final lap mere feet from the stripe in order to let Herr Schumacher pass by for another victory in order to pad his unassailable points lead en route to his fifth world championship.

This mockery of the sport led to Michael inexplicably returning the favour in that bizaro whitewash team photo-op victory at the hallowed grounds of Indianapolis...

Yet I think I lost the last tenuous shreds of respect for Michael’s character when he purposely parked his Ferrari on the streets of Monaco to block Fernando Alonso from securing pole...

But Alonso’s definatly not immune himself, especially during his contentious 2007 season with that upstart Lewis Hamilton campaign at McLaren, as his behaviour indelibly led to his forever being known as “Ferdi-the-Putz” by none other then Blogmeister Miguel!

Not to mention ‘CrashGate, where Fernando maintains he knew NOTHING ‘bout Nelson Piquet Jr. being order to purposely crash out of the Singapore circuit’s crane’s reach which in turn led to the safety car being deployed and Alonso subsequently winning the race for a flagging Renault F1 team.

And Ayrton Senna AIN’T NO Saint either, having run Elio de Angelis out of Lotus and preventing Derrick Warwick from joining the team, not to mention his more than acrimonious relationship with teammate and arch nemesis Alain Prost, who I have to say was pretty ruthless himself; I mean just ask ‘Ol Bloody ‘Nige what he thinks about Alain, eh? Not to mention Niki Lauda and Keke Rosberg walking away from the sport! As I’d surmise that Prost got his just rewards when Senna came to Williams, right?

Thus, as I said before, I felt absolutely sick to my stomach after the conclusion of the Malaysian GP, as I only wish I could have heard & seen what Mark Webber said in the green room moments before going on stage, as surely he was throwing daggers with his eyes?


Yet, lets also remember that Webber himself has disobeyed team orders before, when pulling a similar maneuver upon Vettel during the 2011 British Grand Prix when fighting over second place, albeit in Webber’s defense, he ultimately backed  off and followed Vettel home behind, as can you imagine what the punishment would have been if Webber had actually taken the runner-up spot? Perhaps even being sacked when his contract came up for renegotiation?

And while I applaud ‘Wattie’s latest comment about Vettel needing to be sat down for the next race, Y’all know there’s NO way in HELL that’ll happen!


As the only driver I can recall being sat down for a race was Senna for breaking his contract and signing to jump ship to Lotus from Toleman which isn’t the same circumstance, eh?

Thus, I found NO joy in the fact that Vettel scored his 27th Grand Prix victory this way, tying the once unassailable most wins tally of Sir Jackie Stewart - now sixth overall along with being third overall in poles with 38, as I understand the need to win at any cost, yet that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy his unscroopleness, right?

As I found his petchulant pleading of whining for the team to order Webber to pull over to being somewhat akin to Felipe Massa famously being told that Fernando is FASTER than you, can you confirm please. As my immediate reaction after the shocking podium farce, where Lewis Hamilton got large props from Mwah for his honesty, stating how Nico deserved to be there instead of him - and he wasn’t exactly thrilled with the outcome.

As in all of the examples above, notice that the drivers have indeed followed their team orders, be it directly communicated or coded, nevertheless they’ve all followed their team orders - which in turn left me thinking that perhaps its time to cast about for a new favourite driver? (As I’m definitely impressed by Jules Bianchi so far...)

So, two Grand Prix’s into the season, and one IndyCar race later where I found myself clapping over Dario Franchitti’s mistake, I found myself asking What’s that Smell? As in “Baby Schuey” indeed...

SHAME ON YOU SEBASTIAN!

Monday, March 25, 2013

Congratulations ‘Hinch!

James Hinchcliffe scores Go Daddy’s first IndyCar victory; something his predecessor Danica Patrick was unable to do for her longtime sponsor while at Andretti Autosports. (Source: usatoday.com)
So thee Mayor ‘O ‘Hinchtown, aka James Hinchcliffe has finally “Cracked-his-Duck” as those Bloody Limey Brits would say; Hya! En route to the first of his many IndyCar victories... And in turn doing something for his sponsor what Queen Danica couldn’t do - as in claiming victory! Which obviously is not only great news for Mikey & Co. but IndyCar too, as this popular first victory should only increase his odds of cementing himself as the new face of Canadian drivers in Open Wheel Racing - as isn’t it ironic that Canada’s favourite son Paul Tracy was on hand calling the race for our frozen neighbors north of us, eh?

CONGRATS ‘HINCH - KEEP ‘EM COMING!

Welcome Back IndyCar! Glacial Off-season begins Spring Thaw

Ah, the tranquility of it all, when flowers begin sprouting, birds begins singing and the idling of muted turbocharged ‘lumps fill the air... Thus I must say it was somewhat Karmic that upon the very first day of official 2013 Indy Car Series practice in the sunshine state, a scant two days after Spring Equinox had arrived, it decided to snow here in parts of Seattle, which is atypically late...

And as I’ve become painfully aware of, we’re all supposed to be just watching the multiple rainbows, chocolate Bunnies and Sprinkles... Mmm-mm; BUTT! I found several things slightly infuriating - bordering on buffoonery during the season opening weekend, as somehow I completely missed the uproar over Indy Cars ineptitude by claiming its poster-boy Dan Wheldon the inaugural winner of the St Pete race... Which Mike “Yippee-Aye-Eh!” King thru water upon the mud by proclaiming during Friday’s first practice that le ‘Hamburgular, nee Sebastain Bourdais had won, really?

Thus I first learned of his mistake (first of many) when reading Oil Pressure’s latest rant, where Ye OLDEST IndyCar blogger Geo. Phillips correctly identified thy irrepressible ‘PT, aka Paul Tracy as the REAL 2003 race winner, along with noting the mini-firestorm this slight had supposedly created upon Twitter; as I did find it somewhat funny to hear Messer King correct himself during the day’s second practice session, albeit not naming the correct winner, ‘cause, oh, I dunno? Paul Tracy’s too derisive of a character who potentially won the 2002 Indy 500 for a rival CART Team, eh?

Then there was Jake “The Riddler” Query blathering on ‘bout how Keith wiggins and “Symona-Symona” (Simona de Silvestro) surely must have been pinching themselves - clever Jake, I get I-T, since it occurred upon St Patties Day - over the Lotus of Kimi Raikkonen winning Down Under vs. the abysmal season they’d just endured with thee ‘Luddi lumps; Err Lotus engines...

Uhm, Earth to Query, you are so DAMN far off the mark that I cannot let it slide past me, as any normal F1 aficionado will readily be able to tell Y’all how the Lotus F1 Team is simply a naming rights exercise only, after a stupendous battle between two separate Formula 1 Constructors not only battled over the naming rights, but ran as two separate Lotus named teams during the 2011 Grand Prix season before Tony Fernandes wisely said GO F%%K YOURSELF! Group Lotus, bought the Caterham car concern instead and has since moved on under the guise of Caterham F1, while the current Lotus F1 team is simply the bought out Renault F1 team based at Enstone under new management instead! Not to mention that the “Lotus” IndyCar engines were built wholly by Engine Partners Ltd, a John Judd entity...

And then there’s the incestuous nature of the Hulman-George family, as doesn’t it seem a tad bit strange that it was conveniently announced Friday - Y’all know the day for burying news that ‘Mummy Dearest’s Tony George has been re-elected to Hulman & Co’s Board of Directors; WTF? What is that all about? We ‘LUV’s Yuh Tony, your FIRED; Err we want you back; Yada-yada-yada...

Then there was Mark Miles on Don Kay’s ‘lil Autosport Radio show claiming how IndyCar is the Fastest racing on the planet, as I understand his attempt at creating a new marketing tag line in order to cause some sort of brand awareness, but once again this is simply hyperbole.

As Y’all can skin a Cat several ways I’m told, and while Miles is perhaps technically correct, if you just compare the pole speed at Indianapolis vs. a typical Formula 1 race’s ‘Qualie times you’d definitely claim the Indy Cars are fastest. But anyone savvy enough to dig a little deeper would first have to acknowledge that IndyCar granted an increased boost setting last year in order to pump up the qualifying speeds and that its still not an straight “Apples-to-Apples” comparison - as I don’t believe a modern day F1 racecar has ever been run in anger upon Mother Speedway’s Oval track! As I’d gladly wager that the Dallara DW12’s would simply be blown away in a head-to-head match race upon IMS’s road course.

And I know somewhere in the confines of the No Fenders story vault or blog archives is the tidbit about how I once compared the Champ Cars racing on il Notre Dam’s Circuit Gilles Villeneuve against the F1 circus, and guess who blew the likes of Justin ‘BIG UNIT Wilson and his compatriots into the weeds. Yep, that’s right; the Formula 1 cars were several seconds faster!

And that’s before we even get to any racing; YIKES! As I found the Friday practices to be fairly mundane, albeit it was refreshing to have “Symona-Symona” wind up P3 at day’s end, behind last year’s title rivals ‘DJ WillyP (Will Power) who was fastest with RHR nipping at his heels, while I personally found it funny that James Jakes was quicker than thee exalted ‘Graminator, aka Graham Rahal... And really Dale Coyne? You’ve finally announced your 2013 line-up two hours after the season’s first practice session is over; Huh?

Thus, somewhat eagerly awaiting the season’s first qualifying session; once again the buffoonery of IndyCar reared its ugly head... As Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot indeed! As I still cannot understand why a year later my Internet Explorer browser still automatically defaults to the mobile webpage, hence forcing me to utilize Mozilla/Firefox instead. Thus imagine my disgust when the audio would NOT engage at 11AM Pacific Saturday via the live timing & scoring page... As I refreshed the page ‘bout 19-times; get I-T? (Justin Wilson’s car number...) Then I even hard booted the page - yet NOTHING; SHEISA! Then for humour I tried logging onto the new indycaradio(dot)com page and finally got a very poor Mike King’s voice telling me there was four minutes left in Session-1 whilst the page stopped ‘N started multiple times like it was being overrun by the live timing updates? C’mon IndyCar - let’s get your SHIT together...

Thus I was surprised to hear that Messer Wilson finished P7 in Session-1 and uncharacteristically didn’t advance to Round-2 and hence would start 13th instead, albeit  Wilson was further ahead of other noted rivals, i.e.; ‘SeaBass, Simon Pagenaud and Scott Dixon just to name a few - as I’m slightly mystified over what happened to “Symone Pagenoe?”

And is it just Mwah, or did the breaks between sessions seem overly long? As I don’t recall how it all played out, other than Oriel Servia impressed me, while the only time of the day I got excited was when having four fingers crossed on both hands and scraggily shouting GO VAUTIER! Fighting a sore throat I was wishing for the lone rookie Tristan Vautier to advance over the likes of Ryan Hunter-Reay, Dario Franchitti, Tony Kanaan and Marco Andretti, with the Frenchman making the Fast-Six Shootout upon his debutant ‘BIG CARZ debut!

And I can’t say I was overly excited by Will Power securing his fourth consecutive Pole at St. Pete, as its almost expected of him every time we venture onto the ‘Twisties, eh? Since I’m not gonna wear my heart upon my sleeve during the opening round - as I won’t be happy until Power actually gets the monkey off his back and becomes series champion...

Thus I settled into my “Captain’s” chair Sunday to watch/listen to the opening NBCSN IndyCar broadcast, although I’m not overly happy ‘bout Jon Beekhuis’s switch onto Pitlane in order to have a younger looking Townsend Bell in the booth, but was happy to hear Brian Tills voice again.

And what was the ‘Dealio with all of thee Lucas ‘lectrics, eh? As I believe that one-sixth of the grid were effected with some sort of these maladies, with Joseph Newgarden and Oriel Servia having clutch problems related to electronic gremlins, while Ryan Hunter-Reay had a throttle stick wide open and Graham Rahal had to endure his engineer telling him to just hang in there for some unspecified electronic malady...

As it seemed like a pretty boring race was starting to shape up with Will Power on point building up a nine second lead, before things started going pear shaped... As I must confess I clapped when Dario hit the tire wall when overpowering his cold ‘Flinstone rubber. And then Castroneves threw down upon Power and took over the lead...

Dumbfounded and speechless, all I could do was  hit my head with both fists in disbelief over how J.R. Hildebrand, who I was gonna originally call him Blunderhead, had just pulled a ‘COOGAN! As he’s been known to be called Captain America, while I was laughing and a smirk came over me I’ve decided J.R.’s new moniker for the time being will be Cap’t Coogan; Hya!

While I can truly say I didn’t get excited about the race anymore ‘til ‘Hinch passed ‘HULIO for the lead - when I started crossing my fingers & chanting GO ‘HINCH! While also enjoying the fight between “Symona-Symona” and ‘Marcky-Marc, a.k.a. Marco Andretti for the podiums final step, which de Silvestro made a gallant effort to keep with her shot tyres before Marco helped her get along ‘lil Doggy, brushing her aside and finishing third.

And I was left wondering so just what did Schmidt-Hamilton-Peterson-Motorsports; did I use up A-L-L of the alphabet yet? Do with their Honda ‘lumps exhaust plumbing in order to suffer not one, but two cracked exhausts which caused Vautier’s most excellante debut weekend to go ah rye, while Pagenaud was probably happy it was just over... Although in fairness to them, Scott Dixon claimed he’d broken his wastegate in the latter stages of the race which kept him from fighting for the podium, albeit his fifth place finish was excellent after his untypical twentieth starting position. So just a guess upon my part, could the Honda teams be tweaking ancillaries a ‘Wee bit too much in order to try pulling back some of the perceived horsepower deficit?

And although Power finished a dismal 16th, at least the ‘Aussie finished two places ahead of Hunter-Reay - while Dario had a Goose-egg! Now if we could just get Helio to have some brain fade, eh? While they’d all better watch out for Dixon, especially when the Honda’s get back on song...

Otay, after almost six hours of television, I’m exhausted! And after the BIZARO Malaysian GP, which Bob Varsha perfectly quipped “Throw-in the Carnival music...” I need a break...

Friday, March 22, 2013

It’s Not My Fault, Honest!

Having written that ‘OZ Homeboy Mark Webber once again made his usual abysmal start line launch by slipping his clutch and dropping like a stone from second to seventh place, I found it a tad bit ironic that its now been officially noted as a “Software Error” by McLaren Electronic Systems (MES) ECU provided for Webber’s car that caused the problem instead, as MES is the supplier of all Electronic Control Units for Formula 1 and apparently gave Webber a faulty unit, although the cynic in Mwah suggests that McLaren gave it to the wrong Red Bull driver...

Wither la Italiano’s

Italy’s Alessandro Nannini behind the wheel of his Benetton-Ford B190 at the British Grand Prix... (Silverstone, 1990 - Source: mikehaywardcollection.com)
Was reading one of Grizzled “Journo Joe Saward’s countless blog stories (prior to going to Hawaii...) while he’d been suffering the duties of having to rough it at Madonna di Campiglio for the annual “Vroom-Vroom” PR blitz hosted by Phillip Morris in the picturesque Italian Dolomites this past winter...

And the part of his story that caught my eye; ‘Whale actually my ear since ‘Lucy reads to me every day, was  the reply that la Scuderia’s Team Principal Stefano Domenicali tossed out to the media - which instantly made me harken back to the now deposed Bull ridin’ IndyCar chief Randy “the CandyMann” Bernard when posed the question about not enough Americans  in Indy Cars replied by saying ‘Somme-thun to the likes of “We only want the best drivers in the world competing in our series.”

As ditto when Domenicali was queried upon the current lack of Italian drivers in F1 he replied with the following.

Stefano Domenicali:
“Ferrari is primarily interested in the best talents rather than the passports involved.”

“However, Domenicali said that Ferrari continues with its young driver programmes, saying that one has to be patient and allow the youngsters to develop; while more testing would obviously help this.”
(Source: joesaward.wordpress.com)

Yet perhaps the real reason is the current lack of ‘Dinero (Euros) that Italians can manage to wrangle up to bring to Formula 1 instead, as after all isn’t this most likely what ultimately did in the latest Italian F1 ace Jarno Trulli? Since “Trulli Scrumptious” was replaced by the USSR’s Vitaly ‘VO5 Petrov, as this “Rooskie” brought some $12-14-million from Russia with ‘LUV to the third Lotus incarnation; Err what’s now Caterham F1 instead, as we really don’t need to go down the what colour’s your Lotus route anymore, right? But I digress...

Thus, this year’s Formula 1 grid is set to see the following countries represented: Australia: 2; Brazil: 1; Finland: 2; France: 3*; Germany: 4*; Mexico: 2; Russia: 1; Spain: 1; United Kingdom: 4; Venezuela: 1. As the numbers listed equal drivers from corresponding nation, while we’ve breathlessly awaited the final verdict from “Vijay-duh-Playuh” over who’ll be Force India’s second driver - which looks likely to be decided between France’s Jules Bianchi or Germany’s Adrian Sutil? (Although the number of Germans has decreased by one since I began scribbling this with Timo Glock’s departure from Marussia, meaning only 3-Germans will run in 2013 - unless Sutil makes a return)

Update
Having gone off to Hawaii before finishing this... I’ve now discovered that actually both Sutil and Bianchi made the cut, while I was caught off guard in regards to Russia’s Vitaly ‘VO5 Petrov being cast adrift by Caterham in favour of der ‘Niederlands (Netherlands) “Guido,” nee Giedo van der Garde. Hence, there are now currently four drivers apiece for France & Germany with Mother Russia being replaced by Holland... (Netherlands)   

As its somewhat funny to Mwah, this somewhat controversial topic over the lack of Italians on the Grand Prix grid, since after all I believe that France is actually the sport’s birthplace, albeit many feel its Italy thanks largely to Enzo Ferrari and the almighty Alfa Romeo, Lancia and Maserati concerns... Before those Bloody Brits joined the party!

As although many Italians have raced for la Scuderia over the years, the latest duo suffered indignantly behind the wheel of Ferrari’s disappointing machinery, as the names of ‘FishyFellah, aka Giancarlo Fisichella and Luca Badoer spring to mind.

As ironically although Giancarlo is Italy’s latest Grand Prix winner, he only did so for two British based teams; first there was the bizarro ‘KABLAMOE Great Balls ‘O Fire post mortem win for EJ’s Jordan concern, (Brazil, 2003) followed up by a further two victories for le Reggie, nee Renault; (2006) while Badoer got pretty beat up over his short lived career at Ferrari as Felipe Massa’s substitute back in ‘Twenty-oh-nine...


And I hope I’m not giving the impression that I’m advocating for thee Prancing Horse to hire some home grown talent, especially since when I think of past Italiano’s to drive for Maranello, the names of Ivan Capelli, Nicola Larini and Gianni Morbidelli spring to mind...

Yet Italy has a very proud history of its countrymen and women racing in Formula One, with 98-drivers having raced to date, with 15 having won Grand Prix’s, along with two world champions claiming a total of three titles - while obviously la Scuderia is the most storied Constructor in the sport’s history with a remarkable 16 Drivers titles & 15 Constructors crowns to boot.

And Italy also has the added bonus of having the most Gran Primo Piloto’s in the exclusive 200-starts club, with two of the four members astoundingly having started more then 250-times! As these drivers are: Riccardo Patrese; 256, Jarno Trulli; 252, Giancarlo Fisichella; 229 and ‘DuhCrasheris! (Andrea de Ceaseris) 210 - with Patrese having won six times, ‘fishyFellah three and Trulli once. As this quartet’s staggering starts total equals 936; aye Karumba!

Having had at least one Italian on the grid since 1969 until last year, (2012) and usually more than one Italian participating, its easy to see  why this is such a sore subject, but; obviously Italy isn’t the only nation to suffer this indignity! As just for humour the good ‘Ol USA hasn’t had anybody since Scotty “The Goose” Speed ran briefly at Scuderia Toro Rosso between 2006-07 before becoming Franz Tost’s punching bag...

And those adorable ‘Hosers from Up North Eh! As in Oh ‘KanaDuh, haven’t had anybody since native son Jacques ‘Vanilla Villeneuve was abruptly dropped first from BAR Honda in favour of ‘Taku-san, (Takuma Sato) ironically substituting for the fired Jarno Trulli at Renault - and then let go from BMW Sauber in 2006 in favour of “The Krakow Kid,” aka Robert Kubica, who’s Poland’s only Formula 1 driver to date...

As I’m still crossing my fingers that one day may be “thee Young Wicky,” nee Robert Wickens will appear in F1? While Y’all don’t need to shed any tears for Villeneuve, whom just got married to Brazilian supermodel Camilla Lopez...

And then there’s our neighbors down south, a la Viva la Mexico, who now after a void of nearly three decades, have seen their numbers double this year as did I read that correctly? Finland and Mexico have twice as many drivers racing as Brazil? Which once was a Formula 1 driver factory... As wouldn’t it be surprising if Brazil wasn’t represented upon the grid in the near future?

And while I’m all in favour of Conor Daly making it to the big leagues, it seems that Alexander Rossi conveniently gets left out of the discussion, as after all the current Caterham F1 “Simulator Jockey” did defeat Sauber’s rookie Esteban Gutierrez  (amongst others) for the 2008 Formula BMW world championship! - NO less on Gutierrez’s home soil in Mexico City! And thus the never ending conundrum of how to successfully become a Formula 1 driver lives on; as Piercarlo Ghinzani said it best in a recent interview:

”It is simply a fact that talent alone will not get you into F1 these days...”

Thursday, March 21, 2013

St Pete Entry list...

Spotted this over at the ‘G-Man’s Blogsite 16th & Georgetown, with the only mild surprise being  ‘BIA’s (Ana "Bia" Beatriz Caselato Gomes de Figueiredo) name penciled in for the No. 18 Dale Coyne Racing entry, which hopefully will be a full season ride for the affable Brazilian Femme Fatale Piloto, which gives each engine supplier one lone female apiece, as it would be nice to see both women turn many a head by both running near the sharp end of the grid this season.

Meanwhile, sadly Ryan Briscoe appears to be out of an IndyCar ride for the foreseeable future, as perhaps the affable ‘Aussie will at least show up at Indianapolis this year and perhaps return full time in 2014? Otherwise I guess eh’ll be off to the land of sports Cars?

Y’all can catch the season opener this Sunday at 9AM PACIFIC on NBCSN - which they’d better NOT give away the F1 race results since I plan  upon gorging myself upon six hours of ‘Telie by watching the Malaysian GP re-broadcast immediately after the St. Pete IndyCar race...

IndyCar rule changes

So this is old news, but thought it was worth reprinting since after all it refers to this year’s IndyCar rule changes, which thee ‘DAWG of IndyCar blogging fame so eloquently scribbled ‘bout way back when we were in the midst of that epically LONG winter’s hibernation...

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

F1 commences Down Under while Grass Skirts still fill My breeze...

So, your humble No Fenders scribe still feels like he’s in another time-space continuum - having been happily away from le keyboard & corresponding ‘Confuzer in sunny, warm tropical Kona, Hawaii for two-plus weeks; as it almost feels a ‘Wee bit funny trying to remember how to strike the keys correctly at more than a snails pace after a three week layoff...

Thus apparently the tide of Motorsports was far out upon the ocean currents for Mwah, since this has become the very first ever “Off-season” that I haven’t felt the urge to plug-in some ‘Ol Memorex in order to get my racing fix in the dead ‘O winter... Although Mary Ellen has warned me against telling Yuhs what my new replacement TV-drama series was this winter in order to not scare away my last three remaining faithful readers; Hya!

Thus it was ‘Uber refreshing to have remained firmly ensconced in a veritable Motorsports blackout bubble - which I gleefully did voluntarily, as yeah Daniel Banes Cooper, they do indeed have TV’s & ‘Confuzers in Hawaii; its just that I chose to partake in what I rarely do - listening to a ‘Mega six-plus “Talking Books,” i.e.; CD audio books from the delightful confines of the chaise lounge upon the lanai instead...

Hither being (mildly) surprised to hear that “Vijay duh Playah” (Vijay Mallya) had taken the cash and selected “Mister Bubbly;” Err ‘Yo Adrian (Sutil) over Jules Bianchi; NOT! And while surely NOT condoning any of Sutil’s actions in that Shanghai nightclub, Y’all really gotta wonder what ‘Ol Eric Lutz said to so enrage Adrian, right?

No, for Mwah the surprise was hearing Bianchi’s name being bantied about le Telescreen late Thursday evening as I turned on the ‘Telie “Justin-time” to gorge thyself upon nearly three straight hours of the day’s first two Free Practice sessions Down Under, staying up ‘til midnight after having spent five hours winging my way across the Pacific ocean aboard a Boeing 737-800; Aye Karumba! As I think the only thingy that kept me going was the 3hr time change, eh? Kind of like going from the east coast westwards, right ‘CARPETS? Hya!

As new lead announcer Leigh Diffey, ‘Hobbo & Matchett did a bang-up job for duh “Peacock-lite’s” debutant Formula 1 TV broadcast - wherever their studios are; along with live trackside reporter “Willie Buxom,” (Will Buxton) albeit I have my issues with NBCSN’s format, but I’ll save it for later...

Thus with the rules for the final 2.4-liter Normally Aspirated V-8 era being relatively unchanged, should we have really been overly surprised to see Master ‘Zebb (Vettel) and his Red Bull RB9 race to the fastest time ‘N beyond, get I-T? A little Infinity pun there I believe, as somehow I’m guessing the head cheeses at Nissan aren’t looking forward to all of the Toy Story puns regarding their title sponsorship of the triple world champions, eh?

But back to the aforementioned Monsieur Bianchi, who’s replacement of Luiz Razia at Marussia, who’s sacking caught me off guard, as the hapless Brazilian’s dreams of a F1 career appear to be stillborn, having reportedly lost his funding backers prior to running his inaugural Grand Prix and hence, Jules and his manager Nicholas Todt swooped in for the pickings - where Y’all can read of Jules motor racing heritage in;


Thus, once again most likely I’ll be hard pressed to scribble ‘bout all five of this year’s F1 rookie class, especially since I failed to do justice to the past two year’s classes. While Marussia’s choosing of Bianchi can only make me ponder if this means they’ll be running customer Ferrari ‘lumps in 2014 instead of the recalcitrant ‘cossies? (Cosworth) As apparently Mallya has decided to stay with the three pointed star (Mercedes) next year?

Having gone off to listen to a most enjoyable performance of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony at the University of Washington’s Meany Hall Friday evening, I decided to forego the night’s ‘Qualie show, planning to ‘Ketsup upon I-T later via thee ‘Ol School recordin’ machine - totally unawares of this apparently being cancelled due to inclement weather! Which reminds me somewhat of a Tsunami getting in the way of qualifying in Suzuka several years ago - where our guests told us “Suzuka NO go...”

Thus having absconded off to Tacoma for the weekend, I basically sat in the Lazyboy recliner with my trusty lap ‘Hoonds Molly & Pixie filling up my whole lap for the majority of the 3hr rebroadcast Sunday morning, St Patties day, which thankfully neither of these FURR-rocious Doggies decided to pinch me since I wasn’t wearing any green; CRIKEYS!

And perhaps it was just Mwah, but it seemed like the pre-race Preamble just went on ‘N on - Crikeys Mates, get on with I-T! As I was pretty sure they’d pull another boner by NOT announcing the entire grids starting order; WTF? Really NBCSN, you cannot afford the extra 60-seconds to verbally speak the rows six-thru-eleven; SHAME ON YOU! I mean SHIT! It wasn’t like you didn’t run a plethora of commercials, right? And what happened to the supposed rule ‘bout NOT jacking the sound up during said commercial breaks?

SHEISA! What’s a blind F1 fan supposed to do, eh? (Not to mention this same shabby treatment of the practice results...) And while I’m hammering upon the Peacock-lite’s Formula 1 TV coverage, it was interesting to hear a non-racing fan’s assessment of the post race show, as Mary Ellen said it was HORRIFIC! With three stuffed shirts, nee Diffey, Hobbs & Matchett appearing to be nothing more than Talking Heads in their stiffly starched shirts with the two British Blokes being cast aside from Diffey who they rarely panned in upon before she could finally discern Leigh was wearing a white tie vs. Hobbs & Matchett black ties with corporate required monkey suits...

As she further told me how the studio setting was a palace of shiny clear glass, polished tables, blue curtains, and a faux red brick wall with the NBCSN logo firmly affixed upon it, as I made jokes about how this was the wizard behind the curtain, eh? While Mary Ellen retorted how stiff the whole thing felt, asking me why they don’t send the announcers to the actual race? To which I snapped back because they’re too CHEAP! And it’s been this way for probably 15-years now? Although she claimed that SPEED’s broadcasters made you feel like you were at the track alongside them, which I countered is probably a byproduct of comca$t’s ‘uber right wing conservative stance in general; but I digress...

Due to the positioning of the Lazyboy recliner, ambient sunlight and not wishing to disturb my lap ‘Hoonds, I basically listened to the whole broadcast without being able to see any of the action on track, as I secretly wished for Felipe Massa to pull a rabbit out of his hat and shock everybody by winning, although this didn’t occur, nevertheless I thought the lone Brazilian gave a pretty good showing of himself, albeit once again ultimately being beaten by his teammate Fredrico Suave, aka Fernando Alonso, who finished runner-up, while surely Y’all expected another Red Bull Vettel whitewash a la “the Professor’s” (Alain Prost) prediction... Which must make you scratch your head somewhat over his third place finish. While unfortunately his Wingman Mark ‘Handlebarz Webber’s all too typical bogging down upon race starts occurred once again and the ‘Aussie home crowd darling was once again hard pressed to recover from his clutch slipping start line maladies...

Yet at least Webber’s woes weren’t nearly as despondent as McLaren’s, which I still find it overly rich that Vodafone has declared its quitting it’s F1 sponsorship over the Bahrain affair - as gee Wally? Weren’t Vodafone instrumental in the blocking of cell phone signals upon the Gulf Kingdom’s request? Oh Never Mind! As this surely gives credence to Sergio Perez’s choice to replace “Louise ‘JAGUAR” Hamilton as a convenient way to insert Telmex as a new title sponsor, eh?

And speaking of Hamilton, the “Works” Mercedes as Diffey took great pains to call ‘em seemed decidedly impressive until ‘Brittany’s (Nico Rosberg) apparent gearbox failure which he claimed was due to some electronics malady - which reminded me of the old days of NOT blaming the engine manufacturer whatever Yuh’s say...

Yet I simply rejoiced in thee original ‘Iceman’s victory, albeit a tad bit disappointed not getting to hear any ‘Kimi-wisdoms over the F1 international feed, as guess what Lotus? He really does know what to do, so may be it was wise to just leave him alone this time, eh? As Raikkonen’s win was his 20th Grand Prix victory, putting him on equal footing for most wins by a Finnish driver, tying “Mika-the-Finn” Hakkinen’s tally of twenty. Hence, can Kimi tie him for world championships this year? We’ll see, although I’d still expect it to be a four way shootout between Vettel, Alonso, Kimi and Hamilton, with Webber being a Dark Horse contender, while ‘JENSE (Button) looks thoroughly out of the picture at the moment.

Thus it was pretty amusing to myself trying to teach two ‘FURR-rocious blood hoonds how to say Kimi as the laps winded  down to his improvable victory, with Raikkonen putting his traditional cherry on top by throwing down another fastest lap in the waning moments of his victory romp! While I have to say the driver I was most impressed with all race long was Adrian Sutil’s most audacious return after a year’s sabbatical...

Thus, it’s off to Malaysia in just a scant few days, with the NBCSN Bobbleheads droning away in the wee hours of Friday morning, where Uncle Bernaughty will rejoice by having his afternoon showers to throw a spanner into the works each day around evening tea time, right?  

Thursday, March 14, 2013

TexxArse Twister - Austin does F1 in style: Part III

Otay, so its finally the day, as in race day of this riveting story...

Sun, 11/18
Blissfully, we got to sleep in Sunday morning, thanxs to there being no 9AM practice sessions to scurry off for, having decided to skip the final warm-up outing; OOPS! Think I’m showing my age here, as I don’t think they do a Sunday morning warm-up practice session anymore? And to boot, we didn’t even have to take the bus downtown, as Nelie graciously dropped us off just scant blocks away. Yet today’s crowd for the shuttle busses was obviously the most, as it was jammed packed, although once again we got to use the “Handicap” express lane instead...

And like I said, the throng of bodies on race day was absolutely immense! Not to mention the crowds seeking entrance to the track, as I told Clyde; DAMN! I think its gonna be crowded today as we marched in the Congo-line  like busy worker ants all going the same place, a la the  masses of shuttle busses on the “Rick Perry Highway!” And it appeared that extra busses were pressed into service Sunday, since we ended up riding upon a regular Austin city transit bus to the racetrack instead of the typical Greyhound styled bus; as Clyde later told me that some 600-busses  were utilized to transport everyone; Aye Karumba!

Not sure when we exactly got to our seats, as I’d simply wanted to arrive prior to the F1 Drivers Parade... As it was somewhat funny that there were actually people seated around us, not to mention in our same row, as we’d pretty much had the place to ourselves the first two days.

We  arrived sometime after 9:30AM - since we caught the last portion of the Pirelli GT3 Trophy  Cup’s (US West) final race - actually witnessing one luckless Porsche 911 pilot spin off directly in front of us at our corner, as I think there were actually a few cars involved, as I’m pretty sure it was this race that evoked memories of Indianapolis... Or was it the next race for the Ferrari 458 Italia Challenge instead?

‘Whale I do recall a 911 Porsche going by in the late stages with some bodywork askew... As the memory for Mwah was that oh so familiar wafting of burnt rubber, which a la IMS drifted pass us like a lazy cloud in delayed action, i.e.; the offending culprit’s racecar was already long gone when the “dust cloud” intoxicated us...

And we got to watch the entire final 458 Italia series 10-lap race which also had some Rubbin’ is Racin’ action, albeit I remember laughing over Jonathan Green’s comments ‘bout how the ‘Boyz were behaving  themselves today, after having a  talking to by the race steward, as apparently they’d gone six-wide and done some agricultural work the day prior! As I marveled at how you could actually hear the announcers compared to not hearing a work during the Formula 1 action.

And Greg Kramer got up behind the wheel, threw his elbows out and got all ah-lather over the Ferrari’s going four-wide into Turn-1 on the opening lap, which they all managed to make.

And then finally there was the F1 driver’s parade, with the most hilarious part occurring when the vintage Mustang convertible Michael Schumacher was slated to ride in wouldn’t start... As the announcer kept reminding us that the vintage ‘Stang wouldn’t start, as I could only imagine the sheer humiliation this was causing its owner! Finally telling us that the Mustang had been pushed aside as a bevy ‘O vintage “Muskel Carz” had been rounded up for each driver to ride upon; as I made some sorta joke about how Michael simply hadn’t wanted to be in the parade? Actually think he either rode with Kimi? (Which would have been pretty startling & funny...) or they found another vehicle for him? Hey! You try remembering every-thingy a month after you’ve attended the race and took minimal notes; but I digress...

Afterwards, we went off in search of the ‘Loo and then Clyde said let’s walk around a little, which we did and stumbled into a band setting up on one of the multitudes of stages to which Clyde said, let’s check it out. And Clyde said I jumped about three feet high when the over-amplified band began playing, hustling to re-insert my earplugs; YIKES!

Don’t know who the group was, although the singer said they were a local band from Austin of which all I recall is that the one song we listened to was a cover version of Rod “the Bod” Stewart’s “Rita, you smell sweeta, with a face like that you’ve  got nothing to complain about! You can even wear my best cologne; just don’t be here when I get home...”

And that was one of the most amazing things to Mwah the entire weekend, as the only noise that permeated the shrill barking of the F1 cars were the countless BOOM BOOM BOOMING of bass from different music acts playing during the three-days - which I could painfully hear through my earplugs atop the racing cars...

Then we made our way back to our seats, as the grandstand now was completely filled, and then the cars were coming by on their reconnaissance lap, of which only in America - I’d decided to stand-up (only) for the recon-lap and the person behind me tapped me on the shoulder ‘N said I couldn’t stand up, I was blocking his view; WTF? So I sat down muttering under my breath, can you FREAKIN’ believe I-T? And of course as soon as  the cars arrived, everybody in front of me stood up to  do likewise, to which I said “’F that!” and promptly stood  up once again! Hey, I’ve done this before at Indy & around thee world, so gee Wally, may be I am a trained race spectating professional?

It was GURR-REAT! Seeing the F1 cars at their somewhat moderate pace, doing their traditional swerving gyrations of cleaning/putting heat into tyres, without too many of the traditional NHRA tyre warming burnouts occurring in front of us... As I have to say one of my biggest disappointments all weekend long was not being able to hear the start of the race, as apparently we were too far away from the start/finish line. As there’s nothing like the sound of 24-buzz saws all hovering around maximum RPM’s before dropping the clutch; Err releasing  the hand clutch in unison as twenty-four F1 ‘Landsharks go screaming into the first corner - which sadly was completely unheard from our locale.

Then somebody said here they come, as tiny little flicks ‘O colour could be momentarily seen across the vast expanse coming down the hill, which I believe is Turn-2? And before you knew it, they were here! As all 24-cars shrieked past us pretty much in single file as this was to be the start of the constant drone of multiple Formula 1 chassis going round ‘N round... to which Mary Ellen said, you’d better tell your audience this... What? You fell asleep during the Formula 1 race? You paid how much to go all the way to Austin, Texas to see Michael Schumacher and  you fell asleep; WTF? After all it was Michael’s swan song in America...

Yeah, it’s hard to believe, and there weren’t NO alcoholic beverages involved, but somewhere near the first third of the race? I started doing the bus head, droopy eyelids scene and ended up taking about a twenty minute catnap in the midst of twenty-four 18,000RPM banshee wailing racecars... And when I awoke I noticed my compatriot was also very silent too... As there’s just something ‘bout watching  cars pounding ‘round ‘N round that seems to mesmerize Mwah; or is that hypnotize? Yeah that’s the ticket!

But I was awake when Clyde pointed out the Red Bull car who’s right front tyre was in the air, which I now believe was actually the Toro rosso of “JEV” (Jean-Eric Vergne) who retired from the race on lap-14 with suspension failure.

And for the longest time it was just like Indy, watching the freightrain go round ‘N round, although DER TERMINATOR’s (M. Schumacher) car kept slipping backwards, as Clyde shouted over the din that Kimi had passed him, then ‘JENSE and on-and-on... As I still don’t understand what happened to Michael who’d started a promising sixth place.

And then what happened to one of the Red Bulls? As I never did hear anything trackside, while Clyde told me that ‘Juan ‘O the black cars and silver cars were having a great tussle over position... Think this was the Raikkonen-Button scrap which I’m told was a great wheel-to-wheel battle before ultimately ‘JENSE secured the position.

And I have to say I wasn’t impressed one iota by la Scuderia’s shenanigans of breaking Felipe Massa’s Gearbox seal just hours prior to the start simply in order to advance Alonso one position... Yeah, I get I-T, but I just don’t like I-T! As wouldn’t it be funny if suddenly Massa started kicking Alonso’s ARSE next year? Then what would Ferrari do? As I’d truly like to see the Brazilian win a race just to prove he’s recovered from that horrendous bump on his head  at Hungary...

As coming into the track on Friday morning, one of the countless volunteers we interacted with told us he was from Brazil; Oh? To which I said go Felipe! To which he said something about Massa wasn’t that good anymore...

And I know Y’all won’t believe me, but, I actually predicted the race’s winner on Friday, boldly telling Clyde that thee young “Louise ‘JAGUAR” Hamilton was my pick to win, even though I’d prefer it being Vettel. It was just a hunch after his recent pace and hearing somebody saying Austin and Abu Dhabi were very similar tracks, of which Lewis should have won that race before his McLaren failed him.

And then the crowd erupted in applause as we’d missed it, but Hamilton had pounced upon the opportunity to overtake the race’s leader Vettel, which apparently was done with the aid of traffic, which I’ve since heard was the backmarker Hispania of thee “Speediest Indian.” (Narain Karthikeyan) As why does it feel like there’s been NO off-season and I’ve been scribblin’ madly for my dwindling number of readers ever since returning... And hence, it’ll now be after Christmas before I just stop for the day and watch my tape of the Austin Grand Prix.

Also, the second thingy I called right; DAMN IT! Where do I place my bets, as I said to Clyde who asked who’s gonna present the trophies? Oh, its gonna be Governor Rick “Good Hair” Perry, to which he shot back Nah. See, I tolds Yuh! To which this made the two of us break out into insidious laughter, as the president of Texas, who isn’t an Obama supporter and was the instigator in succession... Had to give the trophy to gulp! Of all people,  a black man; EUREKA! As I’m not shakin’ his hand, oops, butterfingers you dropped my trophy Mr. Perry; Hya! As this mental image made the trek all the way to Austin totally worthwhile!

Another nice touch we heard about over the PA was that they gave the three podium boys some Stetson hats to wear; Yeehaw! As how cool was it having ‘super Mario (Andretti) being the podium’s MC - for a total of four world champions on stage talking to us, as I seem to recall that Fernando got the most applause overall, followed by Lewis, as everybody seemed very pleased with the races outcome.

And I recall telling Clyde how enjoyable it was hearing Hamilton truly ecstatic for once, as he seemed almost gushing, giddy with glee during the podium celebration... Compare ‘N contrast that to say, I dunno, Monza or wherever it was he won and was totally dejected, flat and sulking during his press conference just prior to having decided to leave McLaren; know I scribbled ‘bout it here on this ‘BLOB somewheres...

As it also seems worth noting that the victory pushed Hamilton’s total to one clear of some guy named “Mika-the-Finn’s” (Hakkinen) tally of twenty victories for McLaren...

We chilled out a little while in the stands, hoping to give the throng of race fans a head start, and as we finally left, we passed a group of very cheerful Mexicali’s singing joyfully in the grandstand. Yet, there were still people everywhere! And we finally gave in and joined the ‘Mega crowd. As its funny how memories are created, since now every time I hear the Outfield’s “Your Love“ on my ‘lil transistor radio’s crappie ‘80’s radio station I frequent, I immediately flashback to hearing this blasting out of the speakers at COTA as we marched along in the slow moving crowd...

And remember that smallish footbridge I’d told Y’all ‘bout way back when - although it was wide enough for a single vehicle to cross. ‘Whale, our monstrous crowd was so H-U-G-E! That it simply dwarfed the bridge, which simply became a roadblock, as the crowd bottlenecked trying to funnel down into a small stream of bodies crossing the bridge, coming to an absolute standstill. As we’d take two steps and then stop, take another two-three steps and stop. Yuhs know, like the commercial sez; shampoo, rinse and then repeat, right?

Probably took us 10-20 minutes crossing this bottleneck, and then the lineup for the shuttle busses was even longer, and as we stood at a dead stop a  voice said excuse me, coming thru. As some people were escorting an elderly gentleman with a walker sideways like a crab thru the sea of humanity! Hmm? Afterwards, this gave Clyde an idea, as he said I think I’ve had enough of this line, let’s go over there... Of which I was clueless about, yet it was another “VIP” (Handicap) lane, which we were promptly given entrance to - thanxs “Mr. Joystick,” (white cane) albeit I’ve been referring to it as my crack finder lately; but I digress...

And viola, we were whisked over to a waiting bus, and a super-duper kind ‘N friendly (black) bus driver who said hang-on there a moment young feller, and proceeded to offer me his hand and walked me all the way up the stairs and to our seat at the rear of the bus! As once again, just like what typically occurs at Indianapolis; everybody at Circuit Of The Americas treated me like royalty! SHIT! Even if the tickets were $400-large per person, (just to sit in the grandstands...) I’m already stoked to go back again next year! As ALL of the countless volunteers were pleasant, friendly and helpful the entire weekend, which is not too  shabby, considering they were dealing with an announced sellout crowd of 117,429 crazed Formula 1 Aficionados...

And that was just one day’s count, although COTA’s three days attendance of some 250,000+ was slightly less then the Indy 500 draws on race day; CRIKEYS!

Oh yeah, almost forgot, in ‘legendous ‘Claudio fashion, as we  were walking along towards that pesky foot bridge, Clyde told a woman alongside us; you’ve got kind of a funny accent, where Y’all from? Oh, I’m from New Zealand and I’m here on Holiday staying with family. I just didn’t want to miss this race, as I’ll probably never get another chance to go to an inaugural event and besides, its cheaper to come here  then go to a race in Europe; as I’ll just let Y’all chew on that awhile, eh?

And somehow I don’t think thee ‘Dom of IndyCar bloggers, i.e.; pressdog ever links to Mwah, but, to see if I missed anything & for a different perspective - especially from somebody who can S-E-E! Y’all may wish to check out the ‘DAWG’s story link below:


Thanks to our being offered the VIP line, as I’d guesstimate we’d have been there another hour? By the time we finally got to downtown Austin, the sun was low on the horizon as we began walking the multiple blocks to Austin, where we encountered a couple from England also on Holiday, as Clyde said; I can tell which side of the track you were sitting on. (As Clyde told me he was sunburned on one side...) And I found it amusing how he was a total Button fan, as I’d asked him what happened to Bloody ‘JENSE the day prior? While his “Better Half” surprisingly was a Vettel fan!

Saying our goodbyes, I called Nelie and told her to meet us downtown, as Clyde said we had one last musician to go listen to, as it was sometime after five O’clock now...

Oh yeah, when we got off the shuttle busses in Austin, once again they had a friendly greeting committee of volunteers asking if we knew where we were? Need any directions? And to boot, they had some musicians playing country, or was it western; Hya! As there was a violin, etc. Which I thought was a pretty nice touch.

But we didn’t have any time for that, as we were on a mission, as Clyde said, Tomaso, you like walking, right? As I think we ended up walking some 15-plus blocks to downtown in search of Bob Schneider; Who ‘Dat, you say?

And this time as my stomach rumbled, and my throat was parched from the day’s sun, I readily inhaled the 4-mini pixie-cup thimbles worth of free Pepsi Clyde handed me... And hey, gimme some of those free Doritos; hee-hee-hee...

And as I said ‘Wayback in Thursday’s rant, I’d never heard of any of these musicians with the exception of Kim Wilson & The Fabulous thunderbirds. And I’m not really sure how to describe Messer Schneider, other than this Dude absolutely ROCKS! As I found him to be by far, hands down, the best musician we’d seen over the entire weekend!


And by far, my favourite song of his was the above “Let’s Roll” rhapsody, (wrap-song) this time tastefully accompanied on trumpet by a local musician who Clyde said is in charge of the annual Million Man marches.

After rockin’ out to a very long, hot, kickin’ rendition of Ready, let’s Roll by Bob; Bob? What about Bob? Oh Never Mind! Mister Schneider took a breather by asking the crowd are you ready? I’ll be ready as soon as I put a new set of tyres on my car... Sorry, son, I just SPENT your whole college tuition to go to the F1 race... Which got a rousing response from the crowd? He talked to us awhile in order to catch his breath before segwaying into another song, which he dedicated to all the ladies in the audience. ‘Somme-thun ‘bout don’t give your love away - keep it for me, which drew a big laugh from the women in the crowd, as the place was jam packed.

He and his entourage played a  bevy ‘O songs, in all different fashions, got all of us to sing along,  having just the women sing, and then all the men sing plus did some groovy sounding “Mariachi” style songs, all of which sounded great with the aforementioned trumpeter, as I would gladly pay to go see Bob Schneider perform again!

(Kudos Austin for all of the cool, FREE musicians at the Fan Fest...

Aftermath: Mon-Tues, 11/19-20
Monday morning I slept again, as it was pretty blasé compared to three nonstop action packed days at thee track, to which I’d give COTA definitely two, thumbs-up upon... As it was back to the normality of daily busy-body work, as Clyde left me solo to go to a dentist appointment and thus I attempted cranking out the formative four pages ‘O notes that comprise this riveting story; Yeehaw!

And I’ve already had ‘CARPETS accuse me once of ‘Wingeing ‘cause my flight got delayed... And I chose the ticket; BUTT! FREAKIN’ EH RAY! I’m flying from Austin to Los Angeles; LAX to San Francisco and then San Fran to SeaTac, just to go home? Are you FREAKIN’ KIDDDING? It now takes three planes to go what should approximately be a five hours plus direct flight; WTF? Oh Never Mind!

And the first “Jetway Jockey” who assisted me down the causeway asked me where I’m going? Now or final destination? I’m going to Seattle. Oh, you’ve been in the news - major rains there, flooding and B-I-G rainstorm with 90mph winds on your coast; SWELL! Yet actually the storm was on Monday fortunately.

And I didn’t expect to make all of my connections, since I’ve never managed this once yet going thru LAX, but, guess what? It wasn’t LA’s fault this time, even with my two hours layover, our flight was delayed. Which I’ve never heard this reason before.

As the airport’s speakers crackled to life telling us our flight was delayed, nope, your aeroplane is here, just NOT your flight crew... Who are delayed in San Francisco due to the weather. As apparently whenever the weather is SHIT in San Fran and fog or heavy rains clobber the Bay, they shut down one of the airport’s two runways for safety’s sake, and henceforth cause a major backup in flights ingress/egress; CRIKEYS!

Then when we did finally get on the plane and depart late, after we’d taxied away from the gate - which I’ve heard is all part of the semantics the airlines play for there “On Time” departures... As we were taxiing along, I mumbled to myself “that doesn’t sound good” as the engine suddenly spooled down. Ah  folks this is your captain speaking. Looks like we’re gonna be further delayed due to the weather in San Francisco. They’ve asked us to shut down our engines and park here, should be about 15-20mins...

Of course all of this was going to make me miss my next connection, blah-blah-blah... As the next assistant who pushed me in the wheelchair started panicking and making groaning noises & heavy breathing, like he was gonna have a heart attack while trying to push me fast thru the airport since naturally my connecting gate was all the way at the other end of the airport and he really didn’t think we were going to make I-T! As I just mused to myself how funny it was that he kept asking repeatedly the blind person what’s your gate number?

And I have to say I’m not impressed with United Airlines at all, as oddly enough I’d been left way over away from my  gate and where everybody was seated, instead being placed alongside the two pilots of my actual flight crew... As it was funny listening to them gripe about how United’s becoming Continentalized... Kind of like when Boeing merged with McDonald Douglas, or what many have said about the Indy Racing League’s takeover; Err merger with Champ Car and how the series became very Champ Car like post mergification...

The reason I wasn’t impressed by United? ‘Whale since they’d seated me out of sight, and what’s fast becoming airport de riggour these days - there was NO call for pre-boarding, as they just started boarding the sections as I tried groping my way over to the appropriate line with my white cane, as people would just say: “Keep going,” and watch out for the seat, persons, etc. But I made it home by midnight and had a wonderful time in Austin and definitely enjoyed the brand new Circuit Of The Americas venue, not to mention seeing the BADDEST ARSE  racing cars on the planet. YEE HAW; Y’all come back Yuh hear!