Thursday, December 27, 2012

Winter Siesta...

Ah, the small joys of modern technology - as hopefully this will be finding Y’all after a ‘Bery Bery Merry Kringle and Happy Holidazes - as your humble No Fenders scribe has  most likely finished thee last ‘O the eggnog, finished off Santa’s plate ‘O cookies in retaliation for once again not getting his rosso Ferrari F40, sigh!

Oh yeah, that marveling over technology? ‘Whale its enabled Mwah to post this last note of Ye year’s Joy whilst already having begun my Holidazes... And thus, to all who’ve frequented No Fenders this year ‘N past: Followers, Friends “N Family & Readers alike; Thank You!

As hopefully Y’all get some small satisfaction out of these nefarious scribblings, eh?

And with that I bid Y’all ado - and in the time honoured tradition of that long forgotten bi-weekly paper rag known as On Track magazine, its time once again for the winter’s slumber, thus I’ll be on winter break the next two weeks per the No Fenders Blog-force Resource Restriction Agreement. And thus will return upon Tuesday, January 8, 2013...

SENNA: The Right to Win

Ayrton Senna images. (Source:
Austin bureau chief ‘Claudio turned me on to this whilst down in Austin for the magnificent USGP. Not sure how long it is, but definitely worth the watch. So if you’re ‘Jones-in for some F1 action, and want a somewhat different look at one of the all time greats, as I definitely find it surreal listening to thee late, great ‘Aiy-airton talking, plus wonder what all of the innuendos by Prost are? Not to mention really wishing to be able to read all of the subtitles...

Yet this is a great retrospective at the superbly talented Gran Primo Piloto Ayrton Senna...

Stupid Pet Tricks, A winter’s Drive to GrandMaMa’s house and Man’s Best Friend...

Just a quick takeoff of duh Speed Freaks Not Much Motorsports segment... As the voiceover sez on television; DON’T try this at home folks, these stunts were all performed by trained professionals!

Winter Traffic Jam
Next time you think traffic’s bad as Y’all make your way over to Grandma’s house, who hopefully didn’t get run over by a Reindeer... You might want to read this doozy ‘bout a recent winter 125-mile traffic jam in good ‘Ol Mother Russia; YIKES!

Bird ‘O Paradise?
Haveda admit I haven’t watched this video, nor read the story, but; the headline sez it all...

Man’s Best Friend!
Yeah, dog ‘LUVer’s will thrill in the ability of knowing that perhaps their own canine could potentially be trained to not only retrieve the newspaper, their slippers or some slobbery covered tennis ball or stick... But now comes word from New Zealand that three abandoned canines have actually been trained to drive a car...

I know, perhaps along with those IDIOTIC IndyCar Playoffs; SPEW! We could add barking canines behind the wheel? I mean, all  that’s missin’ from this ABOMINAL ‘RASSCARFICATION is duh ‘Rucky Dog, righ? I mean talk ‘bout your ratings bump...

Rooskie Elixir...
And you thought Russian Vodka didn’t have any enduring qualities, eh? As apparently a quick thinking animal trainer saved a few wooly mammoths; Err Elephants from freezing in Siberia by administering vodka to them; Hmm? Why does the scene from “Russia with Love” come springing to mind? Y’all know where James Bond asks Barbara Bach to repeat that phrase “shared Bodily Warmth...” Which actually is in the 007 flick The Spy who Loved Me I believe; Y’all know with the second-best ever Bond, aka Roger Moore, as obviously you can’t beat Sean Connery; but I digress...

No Fenders 1st Annual Golden Tailpipe Awards...

“Symone Pagenoe” (Simon Pagenaud) replaced injured Ana Beatriz in 2011 to get his first Indy Cars drive. (Source:
Ah, the majik ‘O Confuzers, as your humble No Fenders scribe should be awash in Holidazes tranquility with family members at Tomaso Manor right now... Hence, here’s ‘Juan more story to tide Y’all over during the belated holiday season...

Since although I swear I did ‘Somme-thun similar last year; knowing that Good ‘Ol BillyBob Brazenheartz, nee Brian Barnhart was featured prominently, nevertheless, here goes my first ‘Offical crack at my newly anointed Golden Tailpipe Awards... NO coanda effects included!

Golden Goose Egg
Categorily, without doubt, thee recipient of the first ‘Offical golden laid egg goes hands down to Hulman & Company’s Board of Directors atrocious bungling over Randy “The CandyMann” Bernard’s dismissal; Err, oh yeah,  that’s right, I forgot; Mr. Bernard resigned! Uhm, stepped down; yeah, that’s the ticket...

As Jeffery “The Walrus” Belskus’s handling? Of the entire affair was absolutely pathetic & overly disgusting in his inability to handle the matter better, as let’s all recall his primary worry over the tumultuous week presiding over this titanic firestorm. Y’all know when Mr. Belskus said he wished he’d gotten more sleep when asked upon the matter - SPEW!
And thus the first Golden Pyle goes to Mr. Jeffery Belskus...

Silver Spoon
Although I didn’t watch the race, I feel that another Jeff deserves this award, as Jeffery “PrettyBoy Floyd” Gordon really lost whatever respect I’d had given him, if its really true that he completely ignored the black flag issued to him at Phoenix and then drove off in a tizzy and purposely crashed into Clint boywer. As way to go ‘RASSCAR! Handing out that massive $100,000 fine to a multi-millionaire and putting him on double secret probation for one race; OUCH! That musta really put the fear ‘O the France’s into Gordon, eh? SHAME ON YOU NASCAR!

Brass Balls
This year’s recipient is none other than Jay “Pissinbootz” Penske, for his marvelous lack of maturity, taste and machoism by pissing himself silly all over some woman’s boots in a parking lot after an apparent all evening bender...

And although everybody’s either done it or doing I-T! Here’s my very un-scientific awards categories, which may or may not have been induced by thee eggnog; Hya! And thus shouldn’t be all that different then what’s traditionally done...

Driver of the Year
Both of these choices pain me mightily, especially since they’re my current most dreaded drivers in their respective series...

F1: Fernando Alonso
I must admit, Fredrico Suave, a.k.a. Fred Alonso drove the most brilliant season of his F1 career, having begun what la Scuderia publicly denounced as it’s ugliest car ever! As surely Alonso didn’t deserve the early season victory in Malaysia, yet he simply squeezed thee CRAP out of the flailing F2012 - a characteristic trait he utilized the entire season, even having the audacity to lead the championship by 40-points at one point before finishing a scant three points adrift of the championship in a chassis surely NO match for Red Bull’s! And NO, I made my choice prior to reading the following RACER Top 10 article below...

IndyCar: Ryan Hunter-Reay
Although I’m NOT a huge fan ‘O RHR’s, more content to call him BULLY-RAY instead, since he seems to throw temper tantrums when not getting his way... Nevertheless, you’ve gotta say Hunter-reay performed most admirably this season, seemingly coming out of nowhere to win three races in-a-row and ultimately snatching the title away from Will Power by driving the wheels off of his Andretti Autosport machine ‘n doing what he needed to do...

Car of the Year
This one should be obvious... Can you say RB8? As in Adrian Newey’s 2012 double World Champion Red Bull racecar...

Race of the Year
F1: Abu Dhabi
Although I’d suppose that Brazil or even perhaps Britain could be considered for this honour, I gave it to Abu Dhabi, albeit not for the reasons you might think? Although I was shouting loudly at thee ‘Telie for Kimi to win, you simply must marvel over Vettel’s coming thru the pack not once, but twice in order to claim third place and probably befuddle the ‘Buh-jesus outta Alonso, right? As I believe this is the drive that secured his third F1 world championship!

IndyCar: Indianapolis
Did Y’all even remotely doubt that? As it was mesmerizing just being in the stands at IMS; or was that hallucinating from the H-E-A-T; Hya! Although I also thoroughly enjoyed the heck outta another Ovaltrack; Texas, where a most surprising Justin ‘BIG UNIT Wilson won his first ‘Roundy-round... which Messer Power needs to do next year, with Long Beach garnering third step upon the podium...

Most Inspiring Driver of the Year
F1: Kimi Raikkonen
”Just leave me alone, I know what I’m doing!”
That was the quip of the year - coming NO less from thee original Iceman, nee ‘Kimster, or Kimi Raikkonen, which Y’all simply have to give it up to the master of Monoslavicism, eh?

IndyCar: Simon Pagenaud
Another prejudiced pick here, as I’m simply NUTS over this Frenchman, who I feel is one of the Baddest Arse drivers on the grid, and truly look forward to his debutant ICS victory, especially behind the wheel of Underdog Sam Schmidt Motorsports umbrella...

Most Improved Team of the Year
F1: Lotus
Was it the car or the driver? As surely nobody would have picked thee ‘Kimster to finish third in this year’s driver’s title fight, right? Yet, as always, it’s a package dealio, and obviously the Boyz at Enstone improved the package remarkably from the 2010 Flamethrower in just a scant two seasons en route to recording a team by the name Lotus winning for the first time since 1987...

IndyCar: Andretti Autosports
With the departure of Queen Danica and Dannyboy ‘SPIKE Wheldon’s unexpected death, who’d uh-thunka this team would respond the way it did, ultimately winning four races en route to Mikey’s first title as a team owner since ‘Twenty-oh-seven...

Most Underrated Driver of the Year
F1: Kamui Kobayashi
Or ‘K-Squared as I affectionately call him, surely has to be a worthy recipient of this award, albeit I was hard pressed to choose between the affable Japanese pilot, Nico Hulkenberg or Daniel Ricciardo. Yet Kamui’s audacious third place podium finish at Suzuka - where he held off the late charging ‘JENSE (Button) sealed the deal for me...

IndyCar: Justin Wilson
Yep, had to go with my Numero Uno driver, thee ‘B-I-G UNIT! As his impromptu first win on an oval NO less! Simply showed off the talents of this English driver, as can you imagine how he’d fare if he’d ever get a ride in some top flight machinery? Hmm?  Let’s say the fourth Ganassi-mobile at G2...

Biggest Cock-ups of the Year
F1: McLaren’s unreliability, although ultimately winning seven races, how many times did mechanical gremlins waylay “Louise ‘JAGUAR” Hamilton’s pursuit of victory? As I’m still guessing this played a factor in his decision to leave...

IndyCar: Unfortunately this award has to reluctantly go to Will Power & Team Penske whom managed  to throw away the ICS title for a third year in-a-row, although I’d rather give it to Graham Rahal, who earned the new moniker Grahamcracker after managing to toss away almost certain victory at Texas; Yee Haw! Although I suppose the biggest Joker card played upon us was the ridiculous ‘Luddi (Powered by Lotus) ‘lumps, which not only were laughable at best, but were also the demise of HVM Racing...

Most Disappointing Teams
Sadly, both of these recipients are getting this spotlight not for their team per sei, but instead their respective circumstances...

F1: HRT F1 Team
This isn’t the team’s fault, as this award goes solely to the Fine Folks at “Thespian” Capitol, i.e.; the bankers at Thesan Capital who simply thought they could flip the team for a profit and instead ran it into the gutter.

Actually, I thought the team did pretty good for their circumstances, as the cars ran with the “lowly” ‘Cossie lumps only utilized by Backmarker squads, while Pedro de la Rosa and the “Speediest Indian” (Narain Karthikeyan) both comfortably qualified each weekend out of the 107% Rule’s relegation zone, albeit Karthikeyan did make the highlight reels when his hydraulics seized and caused his steering to fail directly in the path of the fast approaching ‘Brittany... (Nico Rosberg)

IndyCar: HVM Racing
I’ve always liked Keith Wiggins ever since he came over to IndyCar after his abortive F1 career as a Constructor, as he’s always seemingly gotten more out of what he had to work with. Yet this year it all went horribly “Pear Shaped” with the choice to run the loquacious “Luddi-lump,” nee Lotus engine. And I suppose we’ll never know who did what, as in was Wiggins forced into this choice by not being able of getting one of the elusive Honda or Chevy engine leases? And why wouldn’t Lotus release them from the albatross around their necks? Or better yet, why didn’t IndyCar help HVM out of this predicament... Can you say ‘Greenbacks!

But SHAME ON YOU IndyCar and Lotus for forcing one of the hardest working team owners out of the league...

Big ‘Boyz Rising Starz
F1: Sergio Perez
Otay, I’m a bit prejudiced here, since I’ve been a ‘Mega fan ever since Sergio cracked the F1 grid in 2011, even if such drivers as Paul di Resta were theoretically better than him. Thus his fine triple podium placings this year were enough to impress the folks at Woking, albeit there might be some Mexican TelMex sponsorship wrangling here? Yet I became most impressed by his masterful drive of nipping at Alonso’s heels for his debutant win at Malaysia this year, and became even more impressed seeing him in the Post-race interview session, which I haveda say I prefer the TV Unilateral format over the gimmicky Podium celebration...

IndyCar: Joseph Newgarden
Cannot get over how much of a *STUD!* This Tennessean driver is... And yeah, he had moments of blunder, which all rookies are entitled to, yet his audacious passing of King Dario at Long Beach after starting from the front row surely gives us a peak at what to expect in the future, right? Now if somebody would just step up and sponsor this team; URGH!

Monday, December 24, 2012

Hey Santa, Don’t forget this...

Perhaps tomorrow morning I’ll find something unexpected parked in my parking place, eh? After all, doesn’t everybody need their very own exclusive Ferrari? As I’m not sure if Santa will let one of his Reindeer’s drive it or not to its final destination...

Merry Kringle - 2012 edition

 ‘Twas the day before Christmas, when through all of the paddocks.
Not a motor was idling, not even a single Cosworth “Lump” could be heard.

The garages were swept and tidied with care,
In hopes that Roger Penske soon would be there;

The mechanics were nestled all snug in their beds.
While visions of Championship bonuses danced in their heads. (Not to mention HULIO! Making a comeback this year...)

And “Princess” in her negligee, *or was that her swim suit?) Along with Paul Tracy in his crash bucket, had just settled down for a quick tryst in the sack.
(Hey! I hear that Danica’s just become available...)

When out on the lawn there arose such a racket, ‘ol PT sprang from the bed to see what “TAG, Suitcase Servia, Whiney Bags and Bad Bobby D’ were groaning about.

Away to the window Tracy flew like a demon. Ran over the back markers and punted the Hamburgular clear outta the way.

The smoke from between Sea Bass’s ears. Glistened like a smoke signal, without a glow. When, what to PT’s wandering eyes should appear.

But a Ferrari ENZO followed by an armada of Prancing Horses in tow.
The ENZO was piloted by an ex-Formula 1 driver, still brutally quick.
That Tracy knew in an instant it must be Michael Schumacher.

More rapid than a grid full of Bridgestone alternate “soft rubber tyre’ Formula 1 chassis in “Qualie Two” light fuel tanks mode. The seven times World Champion whistled and jeered, and called them by name;

Now, Mika now, Coulthard! Now, Rubinoe and Ralfanso!
On, Heinz-Harald! On Villeneuve! On Damion and Irvine!

To the front of the grid! To the head of the pack.
Now burn rubber, burn rubber baby, burn rubber quick!

As tyre tracks that leave ominous black streaks behind. While Herr Schumacher leaves another competitor further behind!

So up to the roof-top the Prancing Horses flew. With trunk loads of presents and Schuey too. And then, came a banshee wail of the ENZO, high atop the roof.

The revving and idling of each assorted Ferrari. As PT rubbed his hands. Down the chimney Schuey forlornly came. He was dressed all in Scuderia Red, from his head to his foot.

And his Nomex driver’s suit was all tarnished with ashes and soot;
an assortment of winning trophies, he’d stuffed into his back pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His rosy cheeks, how they glowed.
His hair as always was perfect, (by Loreal...) his jaw like a chisel! His lips clenched in a mischievous smirk. As the smile was reminiscent of a Cheshire cat;

The remains of a Cuban cigar hung limply from his teeth. As clouds of Smoke encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a taunt face and washboard abs. that still showed his youthful physique when he laughed at the dumbfounded PT. He was strong and fit as an ox, a festive and jolly elf; Thus Paul could only laugh when he appeared

The younger, *angelic,* original “Chrome Horn, aka ‘PT, nee Paul Tracy. (Source:
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head. Soon gave TRACY nothing to fear. As Schuey spoke nary a word, but went straight to his work. Filling all of the stockings with various racing trinkets. (Such as the 2002 Borg Warner Cup, a new three year contract signed by P.L. Newman & Carl Haas along with some of the Hamburgular’s secret winning sauce…)

Before Messer Chrome Horn could wipe away his astonishment, the famous German turned Quickly, laying his finger aside of his nose. And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his idling ENZO, and to his waiting minions gave a whistle. And the screeching of tortured Ferrari lumps could be heard as they burst away like rocket ships! But ‘ol PT heard him exclaim, as he power-slided out of sight;

"Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good-night."

And alas, I wunder if DER TERMINATOR still feels this way after his second & permanent retirement from Formula 1...

Schuey goes Tingly ALL over – upcoming F1 season...

Merry Kringle!

(Originally written by Tomaso – December, 2007)

Friday, December 21, 2012

Bulling Over the Competition...

Spotted this whilst perusing Adam Coopers blog, which the post was about how sore the losers in Formula 1 have become with Adrian Newey’s latest creations en route to a ‘Mega “Triple-double.”

Yet the best part of thee story was the link to the team’s YouTube channel, a pretty entertaining look back at rising to greatness out of the ashes of Jaguar Racing. You can find the aforementioned link in the story below, as I found the 29min video definitely worth checking out...

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Vettel becomes Sports yyoungest ever Dreibettzimmer Weldmeister!

Sebastian Vettel - Brazil, 2012 (Source:

‘Whale! What accolades can I pour upon or poond out about Master ‘Zebb this time, as the German Wunderkin Sebastian Vettel has just become the youngest ever three times consecutive Formula 1 world champion in history at the tender age of 25, which to put into comparison is the age at which DER TERMINATOR, nee Michael Schumacher had only won his first of seven titles...

And in the sports history, only nine men have ever become triple world champions, beginning with the likes of El Maestro, nee Juan Manuel Fangio; 1951, 1954-57. Then the sport waited another nine years for its second man to this pantheon - named “Sir Blackjack,” aka Jack Brabham; 1959-60, 1966. The ‘Aussie was then followed by thee ‘Wee Scot, better known as Sir Jackie or JYS, aka Jackie Stewart; 1969, 1971, 1973.

A further eleven years ensued before “The Rat,” nee Niki Lauda secured his third driver’s crown; 1975, 1977; 1984, with a scant three years passing until Brazilian Nelson Piquet followed suit; 1981, 1983, 1987. Next “The Professor” (Alain Prost) added his name to this very elite list; 1985-86, 1989, 1993. Prost was followed by his ex-teammate and arch nemesis Ayrton Senna; 1988, 1990-91 before we’d need to wait a further nine years for Michael Schumacher to enter the fray, before ultimately winning a record seven driver’s titles; 1994-95, 2000-2004; thus you can see that indeed Sebastian Vettel is in very elite company indeed! Whilst Fernando Alonso can only rue what could have been...

                               Alonso           Vettel
Starts:                         197                 101
Wins:                          30 (3)              26 (7)
Podiums:                    86 (15)            46 (13)
Poles:                         22 (2)              36 (9)
Fastest Laps:            19 (0)              15 (8)
Year Started:             2001               2007
Age:                            31                    25
Born:                           7/29/79           7/03/87
Birthplace:           Oviedo, Spain      Heppenheim, Germany

As I only bring the following stats to attention since it still burns me that I have to listen to the SHIT about Alonso being better than Vettel, as notice Alonso’s only got four more wins in nearly 100-more  starts! While just for humour, Jackie Stewart who’s revered as a Formula 1 God - a triple world champion won his three championships in 99-starts; two less than Sebastian. Stewart scored 27-wins, 17-poles & 15 fastest laps in his career vs. Vettel’s 26-wins & 36-poles, the latter being the third MOST in F1 history; behind only some chaps named Schumacher and Senna...

And I know I’ve scribbled this before, but, I’ve been a huge fan ‘O Vettel’s ever since the day thee precocious “12yr-old” teenager, actually 19 took to the track in Friday practice at Istanbul, Turkey and was promptly issued a speeding ticket for his unbridled exuberance exiting Pitlane!

And I wish I could remember where it was this year? (Feel free to send me the answer...) As I was totally flabbergasted over Sebastian’s race craft when the camera eye panned in on him in the cockpit with his eyes closed mentally envisioning the lap. Then with just time for one solitary flyer, (flying lap) Master ‘Zebb simply stuck his Red Bull RB8 chassis on pole! As perhaps all drivers do this? But it simply put me in awe of the German, even making me think of another departed superstar named Ayrton...

Yeah, I know everybody says it’s the car, I mean C’mon, its gotta be the car, right? As unfortunately the season’s so damn long that I cannot remember it all, not to mention having boycotted watching Vettel’s first ‘W of the year in Bahrain. Along with having missed Spa. Yet for Mwah, not only the race of the year, but the drive of the year came at Abu Dhabi - where after Red Bull had unbelievably run the German’s tank dry... ‘Seb started from Pit lane and blitzed his way thru the field not once but twice to wind-up third and most notably making Fernando swallow the canary by thinking where in thee HELL did he come from?

And Vettel proved he could come from the back again, passing traffic in dodgy conditions at Sao Paolo en route to a sixth place finish to capture the title by three points - one place ahead of his childhood hero Michael Schumacher.

And let’s not forget that Vettel shoulda-woulda-coulda - most likely won the European GP in Valencia if the alternator hadn’t failed whilst leading, as I believe Vettel had two alternator problems this year? As the last one I can remember was Mark Webber’s failure at Austin.

Thus arguably Master ‘Zebb could be breaking records another decade at least? If we take his teammate’s age into account, with the ‘Aussie being 36 and Vettel’s only 25, who knows how many more titles he can win, not to mention Grand Prix victories, poles and fastest laps. As I listen to a Bloody Brit behind me on the shuttle bus from the COTA track ‘wingeing on ‘bout how he was already sick of Vettel, something akin to the Schumacher effect; SHEISA! The kid done good! As ironically, I’m looking forward to Mercedes & Lewis Hamilton give him a run for his money, as I’m guessing only Hamilton or Alonso can stop the Vettel Juggernaught...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Don’t forget to take Food items to McGilvery’s Wednesday night...

If you’re in Indianapolis and wish to donate to the SFHR 12 Days Christmas Food Drive, hear the extremely entertaining Antron Brown and Conor Daly on Don Kay’s Autosport Radio Show and are attending in person - then Y’all can bring your items to donate and leave the rest to ‘CARPETS. Or if you’re not able to attend like Mwah, then you can listen by clicking here

INDYCAR: Let’s leave the Playoffs to the Pros

Seattle Seahawks Supercar - Indianapolis, 2012
Thought it might be high time to weigh in upon the ridiculous notion of having some sort of “Magical; POOF! Instant ratings bump IndyCar playoffs... Are you FREAKIN’ INSANE??? I mean what’s next, canines driving the racing cars? And then all that would be left in the impending ‘RASSCARFICATION would be to add the ‘Rucky Dog; YIKES! Uhm? Perhaps it’d be the doggie who didn’t manage to crash his racecar, right? As I cannot say much more eloquently than Geo Phillips take upon the matter. As I too am one of those traditionalists who doesn’t like change, especially just for the sake of changing things, and hence the Ontrack action is pretty darn good right now and the format for determining the champion seems to be working pretty good too...

Thus with all of this frothing over playoffs, and having spent another dark, grey, rainy day inside and trying to stay away from le ‘Confuzer, I decided to listen to the Seattle Seahawks on the radio who were Up North Eh! In Toronto getting ready to put another can ‘O ‘Whoopass on the Buffalo Bills en route to making some history.

Perhaps Y’all have heard by now? The Seattle Seahawks became the first team in 62-years to have two consecutive 50-point games - only the third time in NFL history, with the feat being directed by upstart third round rookie Quarter Back Russell Wilson; take that Andrew Luck & RG3; Hya!

Yet to put this into perspective, the last two teams to do this; the LA Rams & NY Giants, both in 1950, did so 17-years prior to our Seattle Supersonics becoming an NBA Franchise, a year prior to Hall of Fame Player/Coach Lenny wilkens coming to Seattle; 26-years prior to the Seahawks joining the league and 29-years before the Supersonics became World Champions...

Thus, Messer’s Miles & Belskus, and the laughable Hulman & Co Board of Director Sods, whom I know Y’all, will listen to this 40 ‘Somme-thun blogger... Let’s leave the playoffs to the Stick ‘N Ball crowd and stay on the respective “Sidelines” by letting IndyCar remain what it is, Open Wheel Racing and NOT ‘RASSCAR...

(Photo Courtesy of No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer ‘CARPETS)

Indy Cars New Office Hires...

Found this on a Formula 1 website no less - as although I cannot get it to play for me now at the appropriate magnification in order to actually see I-T, nevertheless it sounds ‘Uber funny, with thee Mayor ‘O Hinchtown the funniest character in this Office spoof. Check it out here!

Monday, December 17, 2012

RETRO: Celebrating ’Il Lione’s triumph - Twenty years later

Bloody ‘Nige at the controls of the Red No. 5 - Suzuka, 1991 (Source:
So this thought has been bouncing around in my cranium awhile, like many other story ideas of which many become explicably trapped in thee all conquering NoFenders Wormhole Vortex - not to be ‘Cornfuzed with the Angstadt Unit of Time; Hya!

Thus I now find myself scrambling to poond out this story “Justin-time” to commemorate Il Lione, nee BLOODY ‘NIGE, aka Nigel Mansell’s Formula 1 World Championship winning season two decades ago aboard the mighty FW14B Williams-Renault.

And I’ll have to admit I enjoyed spending many years making fun of ‘Ol Bloody Nige - especially with my favourite memory being him bumping the kill-switch whilst waving to his adoring British subjects (fans) on the final lap of the 1991 British Grand Prix - as the car suddenly grounded to a halt and his bitter arch nemesis Nelson Piquet most surprisingly took the chequered flag for Benetton instead!

And there are other moments of lore, most notably his fine theatrical performance of fainting while pushing his stricken Lotus across the line in the sweltering heat of Dallas, Texas in the 1984 USGP, along with his backside - or was it his bum? Hya! Having become too large to squeeze into the 1995 McLaren MP4-10 chassis...

Yet, I find it somewhat karmic that I’m only discovering the latent disgust towards the Englishman in inner F1 circles now, most notably at Lotus; as I’m left pondering why Team Principal Peter Warr had such a huge stick up his ARSE over ‘Nige... With Warr proclaiming late in 1984: “He’ll never win a race as long as I have a hole in my arse!”

Which of course  Mansell dutifully stuck a cork up Warr’s backside by winning his debutant Grand Prix the following season at the European GP; upon having moved to Team Willy, nee Williams Grand Prix upon having been dumped by Lotus in favour of some Brazilian named Ayrton Senna!

Although Senna struck first blood by winning his debutant Grand Prix victory in the Portuguese GP - only his second outing for Lotus, our man Nige was busy nipping at his heals by finishing runner-up. Then Senna later claimed a second victory at Spa.

Yet,  just to pour salt in the wounds of Warr, Mansell triumphed with victory no less than upon home soil at Brands Hatch for his maiden F1 win later that season, before going back-to-back in Grand Prix victories after winning the South African Grand Prix, hence leaving the two future world champions knotted 2-2 in the win Colum for the ’85 season.

Yet, ultimately Il Lione would get the better of Senna during the Brazilian’s tenure at Lotus, as Nige would rack up a further 11-victories vs. Senna’s four, seeing the Bloody Brit outpace Senna 13-6 during the 1985-87 seasons, much to the chagrin of Messer Warr, presumably...

For 1989 Mansell moved to la Scuderia, reportedly being the very final driver personally selected to pilot the scarlet cars by its founder il Commendatore, nee Enzo Ferrari before his death late in ’88. As ironically it would be the Brit winning at Brazil upon his debut at Scuderia Ferrari aboard another Englishman’s revolutionary 640 chassis, in which John Barnard not only introduced the coke bottle shaped aerodynamics but introduced us to the now de riggour semi-automatic gearbox - which I can still recall being immediately discernable audibly over the entire field of F1 ‘Landsharks pounding ‘round the Valley of the Sun. (Phoenix, Arizona)  

And while Nigel won an even more impressive Hungarian Grand Prix later that season with his breathtaking pass of Senna en route to victory; 1990 teammate Alain Prost’s superiority saw the Brit contemplating retirement.

Yet with the immediate hiring of fired March technical director Adrian Newey to Team Willy by Patrick Head, Nige was coaxed into returning to the English team for what would ultimately become his shining moment in Formula 1, albeit he’d need to have a close battle with Senna in 1991 before reaching his zenith in F1.

Newey’s Williams FW 14 turned out to be the second most successful chassis on the grid that year, when McLaren’s MP4/6 Honda V-12 driven by Senna and teammate Gerhard Berger outscored Team Willy in the wins Colum 8-7; with Ayrton claiming seven victories to Gerhard’s lone win, while Nige won five races with teammate Riccardo Patrese garnering two. As the only other team to claim victory was Benetton with the aforementioned foophah by Mansell at Silverstone that year.

Yet Newey’s evolution, the FW 14B was to be so superior with its  active suspension, anti-lock brakes, fully-automatic gearbox and his trademark aerodynamics - that Mansell was able to duplicate Senna’s previous feat of winning the first four races the season prior by winning the first five on-the-trot in 1992, ultimately finishing with nine victories en route to the world championship. As Mansell’s feat along with Patrese’s further victory equating to ten wins vs. McLaren’s five and a lone Benetton victory for debutant winner Michael Schumacher rewarded Newey with his first Constructors title, not to mention Driver’s crown; as  Newey has now claimed nine Constructors championships, while the record  stands at six consecutive by la Scuderia; 1999-2004. As Newey’s won 3-consecutive ‘trice: 1992-94 w/Williams; 1996-98 Williams-McLaren and 2010-12 w/Red Bull; but I digress...

Thus as we all know, Nige and Sir Frank (Williams) had a falling out most likely over money, albeit apparently Mansell had numerous “Number-1” status issues, not to mention his good buddy Prost’s return which ultimately led to Manselll’s decision to retire from Formula 1 and cross the Atlantic in order to take up residence as Mario Andretti’s teammate at Newman Haas Racing for the 1993 Championship Auto Racing Teams series season, replacing Mario’s son Mikey who’d ironically jumped ship to Formula 1.

As Mansell simply went about winning five races not only en route to Rookie Of the Year honours but also the Driver’s title as well! Becoming the only driver in history to be the reigning F1 and CART champion respectively...

And I’ll have to admit I vaguely recall Jim McGee claiming he needed to take responsibility for Mansell getting jumped by ‘EMMO and thee Flying Dutchman (Emerson Fittipaldi & Arie Luyendyk) whilst leading his debutant Indy 500 before ultimately finishing third... Yet I seem to recall reveling more in the fact that Dennis “Vitale” Vitolo landed on top of an unsuspecting Nige the following year in ’94 instead.

Yet, Mansell’s sophomore season in CART was a relative disappointment, with Nige’s abrasive personality being so strong that perhaps it tipped Mario into retiring? Not to mention apparently falling out of favour with fans in droves, reputedly even leaving to the canceling of one Kmart promotion, before Mansell took the money and ran back across-the-pond to Jolly ‘Ol England and the rarified climes ‘O Formula 1, namely the stately confines of Team Willy to help fill the Ginormous vacuum left by Ayrton Senna’s death that May at Imola.

And although he was supposed to play blocking back for his teammate  Damon Hill who was fighting with Schumacher for the title - after the pair’s infamous coming together, the way was left clear for Mansell to claim his final Grand Prix victory before fading into oblivion after his failed attempt of further glory at McLaren...  

Thursday, December 13, 2012

SFHR commences its Annual 12 Days Christmas Food Drive

INDIANAPOLIS, Wednesday, Dec. 12, 2012 – Sarah Fisher Hartman Racing (SFHR) has started a race against hunger this holiday season with the launching of its fifth annual 12 Days of Christmas Food Drive.

Indianapolis' St. Vincent de Paul Food Pantry (SVdP) will serve as the beneficiary of the drive for the fifth consecutive year. SVdP operates the largest food pantry in the Midwest serving an average of 3,000 households each week with an all-volunteer staff.

SFHR is calling on the racing community to drop off items the food pantry has a shortage of, including cereal, canned meat or fish, stews and soups (except tomato), peanut butter, jelly/jam, canned fruit, rice, pasta, noodles, pasta sauce, dried beans, box dinners, box mixes, paper products and personal care items.

Drop off locations include: Sarah Fisher Hartman Racing
4701 Rockville Rd., Ste. A
Indianapolis, IN 46222

O'Gara's Irish Pub
522 Main St.
Beech Grove, IN 46107

Lamping Cleaners
1625 Main St.
Beech Grove, IN 46107

Lamping Cleaners
3939 S. Keystone Ave.
Indianapolis, IN 46227

Lamping Cleaners
3535 S. Emerson Ave, Ste. 6
Beech Grove, IN 46107

Handicapable Hands
3215 E. Thompson Rd.
Indianapolis, IN 46227

Lucky's Pub
104 N. 2nd Ave.
Beech Grove, IN 46107

Another Smooth Move by Belskus...

This just in from Jeffery “The Walrus” Belskus’s favourite IndyCar reporter; OWR Curmudgeon ‘R, aka Robin Miller, as I especially liked the part ‘bout how Belskus squirmed “N tap-danced his way round a previous question asked by Miller...

Thus, some may say that ‘Ol R simply is being negative again, but; let’s just say that the buffoon’s at Hulman & Company’s board of directors have been anything but positive in their bungling of “moving forward” regarding the jettisoning of Randy Bernard. And now apparently have slit their own throats once again by firing possibly their best PR person this past Tuesday...