Friday, July 29, 2011

Le Reggie joins in on the Friday Test Driver parade...

In case Y’all haven’t heard, Renault will have current reserve driver Bruno Senna takeover the currently lamented ‘Quick Nick Heidfeld’s seat during the Free Practice 1 session Friday morning at the ‘HungaBoring, Err Hungarian Grand Prix – before returning to its current driver line-up of Heidfeld and the faster Vitaly “VO5” Petrov.

Hmm? Could Renault be preparing for another of its longstanding Tit-for-Tat Spats vs. arch nemesis Team Lotus by installing Senna at the forthcoming Indian GP to counter Karun “Cowboy” Chandhok’s inclusion?

As why do these two warring factions make me think more ‘N more of MAD Magazine’s Spy vs. Spy? As I’ll let Y’all decide whose Ebony or Ivory, Err Vanilla or Chocolate? Or Black vs. White, albeit I’d haveda say Renault is black and Lotus is white; Hya!

Antonov thwarted in attempts to buy into Saab

Vladimir Antonov, the Russian financier who General Motors vilified during its original deal to sell its beleaguered Swedish automotive marque Saab to Spyker Cars NV in 2009, has once again been used to block the ongoing attempts to save the troubled Automobile Manufacturer. As the European Investment Bank (EIB) has held firm upon its stance to block any involvements with Antonov in the restructuring of Swedish Automobiles NV, which a spokesman for Vladimir says has potentially cost Saab a loss of one Billion Kronor’s!

EIB says decision to block Antonov from Saab investment stands


As I’ll admit I know very little about the ‘Rooskie, asides from what I’ve read upon le Internetz... As Mr. Vladimir Antonov sounds like another Rich Cat trying his hand at diversifying his assets by delving into the breakneck automotive arena... So just what do we know about Messer Vladimir?

Joe Saward:
“The person to watch in all of this appears to be Russian banker Vladimir Antonov. He is into cars in a big way and owns the Spyker brand and is now producing Spykers via a company called CPP Manufacturing Ltd (Coventry Prototype Panels) in Coventry, England. He is also keen to acquire the Saab brand and seems to be aiming to take Saab rallying again once that deal is done. Antonov recently bought the commercial rights to the FIA World Rally Championship and most recently acquired a majority shareholding in the GPWeek, a free online publication that covers F1 and The WRC.
Antonov is an interesting individual. His grandfather Yuri was one of the pioneers of the Soviet atomic programme in the 1940s and his father Alexander worked in to the atomic industry. As a result Vladimir was born in Uzbekistan where his father worked in an uranium enrichment plant. He grew up in Tajikistan until moving in 1992 to attend the Moscow Engineering and Physics Institute. He realised soon afterwards that in the post-Soviet world banking was a better bet than being an engineer and switched to the Moscow Institute of Banking and started work with Sberbank in 1996. According to a report put together by Kroll, the international investigation company, he moved to the JSC Lefko Bank as chief economist a year later and soon became the head of the corporate securities department. The Russian financial crisis of 1998 wiped out a lot of financial institutions. He made Lefko $50 million by selling state treasury bonds before they became worthless and was paid a $5 million bonus as a result. He used $200,000 to buy 49 percent of Akademkhimbank, which was on the point of collapse. The bank was worth little beyond its licence. These were wild times in Russia and his the bank’s deputy chairman Semyon Ponomaryov (35) was gunned down and killed the following year.
Antonov managed to turn the Akademkhimbank bank around and in February 2003 he and his father Alexander acquired Conversbank. This had previously serviced state-owned companies belonging to the Ministry of Atomic Energy. Both the MDM group and Alfa Bank wanted to control it, in order to get its clients. MDM and Alfa finally split the assets and sold the bank itself. According to Kroll, Antonov acquired the bank simply because it allowed him to operate in foreign currencies and open operations abroad. He added other banks to the group in the years that followed and created a new holding company called Investbank, based in Kaliningrad.
There have long been allegations that he was involved in organised crime, something that he denies strenuously, saying that these stories have come about because some of the banks he has acquired had dubious histories and because of a campaign to discredit him by a former Russian Central Bank executive, who he outwitted in a takeover fight for a bank; and as the result of a “black PR campaign” orchestrated by individuals representing the Chechen Mafia, who tried to force him and his father to sell the Convers Group at a very low price. Antonov says that this was the reason that hit men tried to kill his father in Moscow in early 2009. The allegations about organised crime caused problems when he tried to buy Saab from General Motors. Kroll’s assessment is that the stories are not true.
Antonov has owned Bankas Snoras, an important Lithuanian bank, since 2003. His explanation for this is that he wanted to own a bank in the EU and Lithuania was due to enter the EU in 2004. The bank bought a British bank and applied to open a branch in the UK in 2007. This was refused at the time.
Last year Antonov sold his shares in Investbank and has been investing the money in other businesses, notably in the automotive and motorsport sectors, while continuing his banking operations with the Convers Group and with Snoras.”
(Source: Interesting trends and stories from F1 by Joe Saward)

Ironically, it seems that former Spyker Cars NV Chief Executive Officer Victor Muller should be the one being investigated – as to date he’s managed to run not one but two Automobile companies and a Formula 1team into the ground... As reputedly Antonov and Muller have had differences of opinion upon the Swedish Automakers direction in the past, yet the Russian now seems keen to invest a minority shareholding (less than 30% stake) in the new Swedish Automobiles NV – the latest owners of Saab.

Antonov has also gobbled up the Italian Automotive design firm Zagato recently, along with purchasing the Bowler Offroad Company in a separate deal and has previously loaned money to Renault F1. Thus, what better way to promote his Automotive brands (Empire) Spyker and Zagato by perhaps purchasing the faltering Renault F1 team? As after all its got a very promising Rooskie driver onboard and there’s something called the Russian Grand Prix on the Formula 1 calendar for 2014 around the Winter Olympics Black Seaside resort Sochi; Hmm? Perhaps he could rename it Spyker Zagato F1?

ButHey! Don’t get ‘Bowler-overed, (funny, eh?) Err go all Cattywompous on this Speculation – since after all, I’m NOT a “REAL” Journalist – DAMMIT Joe! I’m just a cut ‘N paste ‘Vurd Botcherer...

Thursday, July 28, 2011

AUTOS: Chevrolet begins Countdown to its Centennial...

Just learned that yesterday – reputedly Chevrolet began its 100-day countdown to its 100th birthday: November 3rd. (1911-2011) As earlier this year I was surprised to discover that ‘Chebbie, like the Speedway was celebrating its Centennial this year and thus Chevrolet has reportedly created a Centenarian-specific website to mark the storied occasion; as Bowtie fans, aficionados and well wishers are invited to visit the website to share their memories, photographs and vote upon their favourite Chevrolet by clicking here.

Hmm? I’d be hard torn between the 1963 Split-window Corvette, ’65 Stingray or ’69 Yenko Camaro; or perhaps the BAD ASS ZR1 ‘Vette, eh?

Is Sam Schmidt Motorsports the Next Rising Star in Indy Cars?

So apparently there seems to be a lotto speculation occurring over Sam Schmidt Motorsports plans for the future in the IndyCar ranks, as rumours continue to swirl over ‘TAG – NOT ‘TAGS, aka Alex Tagliani and his finishing out of the current Indy Car Season, although I’d like to assume the ‘KuhNuck will stay put in the No. 77 SSM ‘BigCarz entry, along with returning to the team next year as Samuel Schmidt sez as the ‘Veteran driver/Team-leader portion of a  hopeful two car full season Honda powerplant entity. Sorta like ‘Geo Phillips Tennessee Titans – who’ve gone West Coast with the Top-10 drafting of University of Washington Huskies Quarterback Jake Locker, and now having added Seattle Seahawks ProBowl QB Matt Hasselback as Locker’s mentor...

And its funny how I’ve been captivated by Schmidt’s return to the Big Leagues – especially since I know virtually nothing ‘bout him other then his SSM outfit kicking Tail in the Indy Lights ranks the past several years... Although I find it funny how it’s apparently being not mentioned/overlooked how it was Sam’s FIL cars that sparked the O2 Racing Technology team’s initial outcry/protest over FIL league officiating at the David Hobbs 100 at Milwaukee.

Team exits Indy Lights over 'integrity'


Yet, since I wasn’t there and DON’T know if there was really anything wrong with the Schmidt cars – whilst it seems very little light has been shed upon the issue publicly besides O2 Team Owner Mark Olson getting hammered massively, we’ll just really never know, right?

Thus, back to the ‘BigBoyz ranks instead, where it seems Schmidt is doing a great job in his return to IndyCar with Tagliani having scored two Pole positions for the ICS Minnow, with unquestionably the biggest moment coming with TAG holding off the TCGR ‘FillerUp with Premium, ‘Cheep? Duo of Dario Franchitti and Scott Dixon...

And I hate to suggest this; BUTT! Is Alex Tagliani pushing so damn hard the past two races with his Banzai Playin’ Thru Bowling Ball derbish maneuvers Up North Eh! Because he’s in his home country or perhaps feeling the heat to keep his seat at SSM?

As much of the Scuttlebutt seems to centre around the upcoming Mid Ohio ICS test where “Symone Pagenoe” (Simon Pageunaud) will test for SSM in Alex’s No. 77 racecar alongside ‘Plowie, nee Martin Plowman - who’ll be  making his ‘BigCarz debut at the forthcoming Lexington, Ohio “Twisty” track in a three race outing for SSM/AFS. As Plowman will contest Mid Ohio, Sonoma and Baltimore in the Gary Peterson backed AFS No. 17 in a tune-up for next year.

Meanwhile, Schmidt will also be running past Indy Lights Champion Wade Cunningham, who made his Indy Car debut in the Texas Twin 275k’s aboard the SSM No. 99 and will contest the Kentucky and ‘Los Wages (Las Vegas) Oval races...

And most impressively, Sam Schmidt had a  total of nine cars at the Speedway this May – with his four Indy Lights cars and three ICS squads involvement with car numbers 77, 88, 99, 8 and 98 of SSM, Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing, Dragon Racing & Bryan Herta Autosport respectively; as Townsend Bell; #99, Jay Howard; #88 seemingly got overlooked, whilst Chinese rookie Ho-Pin Tung; #8 looked promising right up until his qualifying day crash... While the winning BHA entry of Dannyboy ‘SPIKE Wheldon’s #98 was actually leased from Schmidt. As this Dallara “Series-I” 2003-spec chassis was originally a Marty Roth Racing (MRR) car that was part of the four chassis armada picked up in the FAZZT Race Team’s acquisition of MRR. Of which I’ve previously joked about these racecar’s having very low mileage upon them; Hya!

And I’ll admit I’m a HUGE ‘Symone Pagenoe fan, as I really cannot see how he won’t “Pass-the-Audition” at Mid Ohio, and it certainly seems to be a NO brainer on hiring the talented Frenchman, but that’s just my Oh-pine-yun, eh? As after all I’m just a meesly ‘lil ‘Ol cut ‘N paste ‘Vurd Botcherer – so what do I know, eh? As I’d hate to be in Sam’s shoes, as he’s got a minimum of five-plus driver’s clammerin’ for a potential two Indy Car seats next year... And as Sam sez; that doesn’t even include the veritable raft of free agents that’ll be available for 2012; Hmm? Perhaps SSM and AFS should ‘Hook-up next year and run a three car team instead? Of course it’s probably partially dependant upon the allocation of 2.2-liter V-6 turbo ‘lumps available next year... So good luck Sam Schmidt & Co. Not to mention Jay and The Dragonflies...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

EXCLUSIVE: First Pics of Dallara Automobili USA revealed...

(Pic-1) Looking north to south.
Photo courtesy of No Fenders Staff Photographer Dave ‘CARPETS O’Brien...

This just in from Indianapolis via ‘CARPETS:
The new Dallara Automobili building on Main Street in Speedway, IN is making progress since you were here for the 500. Here are some pics of the latest development...

You can also visit Speedway redevelopment Commission for more info, click here.

EXCLUSIVE: More Dallara Automobili USA revealed - Picture 2

(Pic-2) Shows sign ”Future Home of Dallara."
Photo courtesy of No Fenders Staff Photographer Dave ‘CARPETS O’Brien...

EXCLUSIVE: More Dallara Automobili USA revealed - Picture 3

(Pic-3) Shows where main entrance will be.
Photo courtesy of No Fenders Staff Photographer Dave ‘CARPETS O’Brien...

EXCLUSIVE: More Dallara Automobili USA revealed - Picture 4

(Pic-4) South side of building - looks like where garage doors will be?
Photo courtesy of No Fenders Staff Photographer Dave ‘CARPETS O’Brien...

Dallara, Honda, Baseball ‘N Fries?

And continuing on with la Italianna theme; Thanxs solely to No Fenders Photographer ‘CARPETS – who reportedly braved fearsome 101deg-f temperatures to capture the rapidly rising Dallara Automobili USA facility in sleepy ‘lil Speedway, Indiana, here’s some pics of the property – see story above...

As it seemed only appropriate to post this story as early Friday morning – last week in ‘CARPETS favourite “Fish Wrap,” aka the Indianapolis Star, veteran Indy Car reporter Kurt Cavin noted that Dallara has just fired up the 2012 chassis replete with Honda 2.2-liter V-6 turbo ‘lump (engine) for the very first time in Parma, Italy last week, as Honda is the first of the three engine manufacturer’s to produce its vaunted ’12-spec ‘lump to date.

As previously noted, Danny-boy ‘SPIKE Wheldon and BHA will handle the Dallara testing duties – with first testing to occur at Mid Ohio on August 8th...

Hmm? Perhaps it’s just Mwah? But I find it somewhat interesting that I’ve just read ‘bout the Level 5 Motorsports Boyz having done a dealio to run as the HPD “works” squad in LMP2/C  Le Mans Prototype category, having just switched over to campaigning a Honda ARX-01G for the remainder of 2011 and beyond... As the latest (Nick Wirth) Wirth Research creation utilizes a 2.8-liter twin-turbocharger Honda V-6 engine. Which makes me wonder if the Indy Car ‘lump bears any resemblance/architecture with this engine?

Mystery SpyShot...

This photo was originally labeled U7 Mystery Shot, which I retorted in Seattle lingo U7 would denote an Unlimited Hydroplane...

‘CARPETS:
Here is the mysterious oo7 pic. A vacant lot next to Dallara Automobili where some excavation has begun...  Is this the new location for Andretti Autosport??   Hmm, we'll see...

Obviously I have NO idea towards the validity of this, as I can only surmise this is a guess – so you make the call!

UPDATE
With the announcement that SFHR will take up occupancy on
Main St
in fall of 2012, I’m guessing this is perhaps the property site, eh?

Photo courtesy of No Fenders Staff Photographer Dave ‘CARPETS O’Brien...

Monday, July 25, 2011

F1: Can You Hear Me Now?

So I don’t know if this is part of the never ending SMOKE ON! Err, smoke ‘N mirrors Formula One-itus self propagating Newspeak that seemingly is de rigour in F1. NO-NO! DON’T look over here at Uncle Bernaughty’s $44-million BRIBERY Payoff... Move along and Follow the Birdie! As it’s just conveniently come to light that the current Formula 1 rules for 2014’s vaunted “Greening” of F1 could see the introduction of silent starts – WTF? You’ve gotta be absolutely FUCKING joking, right???

Now don’t get me wrong, as I don’t have a problema with the powers-to-be trying to make Grand Prix racing appear to be environmentally friendly “Wink-Wink; Nudge-Nudge,” by showcasing the latest CleanTec gadgetry, as hybrids are all fine ‘N dandy; BUTT! As a Formula One Aficionado of a quarter century now... One of my most drawing features to attending multiple Grand Prix’s over the decades has simply been the symphonic rhapsody of hearing 24 borciferously MAD buzzing hornets rocket off from their standing start, along with listening to those raging Landsharks SCREAM by at 18,000RPM’s – Kapishe FIA!

Do we really wanna watch George Jetson AstroCarz SILENTLY whisking by on levitated racetracks? C’mon Jean Todt; DON’T TAKE AWAY MY ENGINE NOISE IN 2014!


Hmm? What happens if they’re using Lucas ‘Lectrics, eh?
 Oh Never Mind!

OZ Triple Stuff!

So too bad for Mark ‘Handlebarz Webber, who was the only ‘Aussie NOT standing upon the top step of the podium this weekend... As I was waiting for the German Grand Prix to start I tuned into Versus Just-in-Time to discover that Cattle Evans had thrown down a blinder in the final stages individual time trial sprint format by erasing a 57-second deficit to pummel the Schleck Bros – and becoming Australia’s first ever Tour de France victor by a margin of 1:34 over the younger Andy in P2 with Frank the elder in P3; the first time a pair of brothers have finished on the podium.

Thus, how cool it woulda been for Webber, who was on pole (again) to capture his second German GP victory, eh? But it wasn’t to be, as Mark would haveda settle for third, as Webber seems unable to close the dealio...

Then there was the “Toowoomba Toranadoe,” aka Will Power, or as Mr. Innucci likened him – DJ Willy P, who was nipped for pole position by KVRT’s Takuma Sato, breaking Willy’s streak of eight consecutive poles on “Twisties.” (road/street courses) And wasn’t it ironic? With ‘HULIO chasin’ Power to the stripe, as Wally Dallenbach Jr. sez; He’ll need a hole the size of a Penske rental truck before trying to pass Power for the lead... As Castroneves had already broken the Golden rule ‘O motor racing by taking his teammate out of the lead earlier this year at Long Beach... Thus it was Power doin’ another victory doughnut upon his fourth win of the season and 13th overall – ahead of Helio and Dashley LePew on the podiums final step.

Then instead of going outside on a gloriously beautiful, sunny and warm day here; hey, 80deg-f is HOT for Seattle... I watched the ‘Scooters from Laguna Seca, where ‘Aussie Casey Stoner ran down George Lorenzo to win the first of two US Moto GP’s this year, with Ben ‘ELBOZ Spies being the top ‘Yank with a last lap pass to finish in fourth place.

And Crikeys Mates! Even the Men’s ‘OZ swim team got in on the action – as it was Australia on top in the 4x100 Freestyle relay in Shanghai, with France second and USA with some dude named Michael Phelps taking the bronze in the World Championships... If only Webber coulda won – it would have been Australia going 4-for-4; Aye Karumba! Oh Whale, still a pretty good weekend for Australia, eh? Whilst New Zealand’s Scott Dixon was fuming over somebody named EJ “What, Me Worry?” Viso – claiming perhaps the Venezuelan was busy looking at somebody in the stands (Charo? Milkalicious? Oh Never Mind!) when he dive bombed into Dixon’s flank and gave the Kiwi a very hot bum! (From the broken radiators fluid leaking onto his seat...)

Friday, July 22, 2011

Trulli sent packing – Just for the weekend...

In case Y’all haven’t heard, Karun “Cowboy” Chandhok has been inserted into Trulli Scrumptious’s (Jarno Trulli) Lotus F1 seat for the German GP weekend, as apparently Trulli’s continuous ‘wingeing on about the Loti’s recalcitrant power steering woes is the excuse being used to give ‘Cowboy a chance this weekend.

And nope, this ‘kuhBoy isn’t to be cornfuzed with somebody with the same handle stateside, as apparently that’s Juan ‘O Randy “the CandyMann” Bernard’s handles, eh? As thee Fastest Indian – certainly FASTER then the recently demoted Hispania Racing F1 driver Narain Karthikeyan; Chandhok got the ‘KuhBoy nickname from SPEED’s Bob Varsha during the furvour over the upcoming 2012 Austin F1 race announcement when it was divulged that Karun’s MaMa was from the Lone Star state...

Now obviously this weekend baptism-under-fire is certainly a pre-cursor to Chandhok’s inclusion at Team Lotus 2.0 for the forthcoming inaugural Indian Grand Prix; Uh Duh! Where I’d assume there’ll be two Indian’s upon the grid – with Karthikeyan substituting for Daniel Ricciardo at Hispania, which will certainly help the beating of the drums for the Indian GP’s promoters, etc. As Yuhs can read the glowing Lotus PressSpeak below...

Chandhok to race Trulli’s Lotus in Germany


NO word on whether or not Jarno will be spending a quiet weekend upon der Mosel River drown ding his sorrows in a bottle of his own vino, Ja Ja?

La Scuderia celebrates first Formula 1 Victory Anniversary in Fine Style...

Scuderia Ferrari driver José Froilan Gonzalez behind the wheel... (source: Autosport.com)
Although I suppose it’s lurking around somewheres in the dark nether regions of trivial information... I’ll admit I’d forgotten ‘bout la Scuderia’s (Scuderia Ferrari) debutant Grand Prix victory having occurred exactly sixty years ago – no less then at BLOODY Silverstone a Fortnight ago, albeit a very different Silverstone layout indeed - when a very fresh faced ‘Hobbo, aka David Hobbs raced ‘round Hay bales; Hya! But I digress...

Yet what I do recall is that in what would become his continual temperament throughout his career, "il Commendatore," nee Enzo Ferrari went against the grain at the time – when everyone was running Supercharged 1.5-liter powerplants, Enzo opted for the 4.5-liter Normally aspirated engine route instead. As I’ve read that Enzo believed that the chassis served as nothing more then a platform to carry his powerful ‘lumps! (Engines)

José Froilan Gonzalez – who was nicknamed “ElCabezon” (Fat Head) and “The Pampus Bull”due to his girth – so stunned Ferrari team leader Alberto Ascari with his speed, who’d fallen out during the British Grand Prix, stood down in order to let Gonzalez continue leading fellow Argentinean countryman Juan Manuel Fangio, instead of requiring Froilan to pit and hand over his car – which was common practice back in the day...

Gonzalez’s girth aside, as Enzo bemoaned how such a jolly man could drive a racecar so fast, obviously was pleasantly surprised by Froilan’s win, whilst Ascari’s friend and la Scuderia teammate Luigi Villoresi finished third – with Fangio the meat in a Ferrari F1 sandwich some sixty years ago…

And I’ve read somewhere’s  that ‘ElCabezon was also reputedly piloting an older Ferrari 375 that day and was unaware that his prized Ferrari is owned by none other than Uncle Bernaughty (Bernard Ecclestone) who prior to having Ferdi-the-Putz (Alonso) chauffer said historic Grand Prix racecar around Silverstone, had allowed Der TERMINATOR, aka M. Schumacher the privledge ten years prior on the 50th Anniversary of said victory...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

SENNA: Director’s Cut...

Just ran across an interview with the Senna Documentary’s Director – which definitely seems worth a read, check it out here;


And for a listing of US movie dates; Y’all can read my previously scribbled rant;

Teammates seeing Red!

As everyone knows – the Talking Point of the British GP wasn’t Fredrico Suave’s (Fred Alonso) victory, his and Scuderia Ferrari’s first of the season. NO! The rancor and somewhat rightly so was over the issuing of Team Orders by RBR F1s Team Principal Christian Horner – who was heard over the world feed telling Mark to Hold the Gap...

As it was later revealed that ‘Aussie Mark “Handlebarz” Webber had disobeyed the team’s instructions a few times before ultimately settling for a disappointing third place behind teammate, reigning world champion and current point’s leader Master ‘Zebb, aka Sebastian Vettel; as now, ALL of the Red Bull Racing F1 personnel, including team owner Deeter Majestik sez Mark’s staying put next year, you haveda wonder why Reserve Driver Daniel Ricciardo has been called up and inserted at Hispania, where he made his Formula 1 debut at Silverstone.

And perhaps it’s just Mwah, but I find it entertaining how everybody seems to forget that Webber and Horner are GP3 Team co-owners; can you say MW Arden?

Remembering Jeff Krosnoff – Part 3

SPEED’s Marshall Pruett is doing an excellante look-back at the fallen American Open Wheel Racing driver Jeff Krosnoff – as part three focuses upon the ‘SoCal’s Shootout with ‘el Zorro, aka Alex Zanardi, as the two drivers fight for ‘Cheep’s second TCGR seat which ultimately went to Zanardi, yet Cal Wells CART team was waiting in the wings...

Monday, July 18, 2011

Remembering Jeff Krosnoff – Part 2

(Jeff Krosnoff image; The Krosnoff Foundation - Source: SPEED.com)
Just finished reading Marshall Pruett’s excelante second part of his Jeff Krosnoff retrospective trilogy last night, where Pruett covers the “missing” Japanese years – which I can personally attest to the original ‘TK’s Quip ‘bout thee Pre-internetz era... That’s TK as in a one Tommy Kendall, Krosnoff’s friend who muses ‘bout when the only news you could get of far-away Foreign  “feeder” series was thru a magazine called On Track, which your humble scribe subscribed to for years – and remember fondly awaiting each new issues release every two weeks!

Thus Pruett expounds partially upon Krosnoff’s sacrifices in far-away Japan along with some very positive recollections from other cast-away competitors with names like “IRV-THE-SWERVE” and “Mr. LeMans,” aka Eddie Irvine and Tom Kristensen respectively, not to mention another driver who’d lose his life racing named “Roland-the-Rat.” (Ratzenberger)

Mosley rolling in Ecstasy over Murdoc’s demise...

So perhaps its just Mwah; BUTT! Hmm? Wasn’t that what got Sir maXXum into trouble? Thank you Fraulein – may I have another? Oh Never Mind!

As isn’t it an interesting coincidence that the News Of the World, the very tabloid  that exposed Max Mosley’s secrets way back when is suddenly imploding after its intensions to purchase Formula 1 were announced... Just a thought, as personally I’m enjoying seeing Rupert Murdoc’s immanent demise, albeit I’m not sure how it’ll affect SPEED’s continued coverage of F1? Whilst its somewhat entertaining to see two 80yr old Codgers, i.e.; Murdoc and Uncle Bernaughty (Ecclestone) Scrum over Formula 1...

Who Shot the Deputy?

So Y’all most likely know that ‘Ol ‘SlowHand song wherez ‘EC croons
I Shot the Sherriff; But I Didn’t Kill the Deputy!

BUTT! According to Open Wheel Racing’s Numero Uno Curmudgeon, aka Robin Miller (who’ll be guest hosting an upcoming Wind Tunnel episode whilst Ye ‘Ol Windbag is off to Alaska upon his ‘Scooter...) Hate is not only Good, it’s actually GUH-GUH-GUH-GURR-REAT!!!

MILLER: Hate is Great

As I’ll leave it to Y’all to decide if Yuhs agree or not? As meanwhile; Inquiring Minds STILL wanna Know! Who really slipped upon ze Banana peal ‘N stuck der foot in ‘Dare Keister over ‘Dat BLOWN Dashley LePew PHANTOM Avoidable Contact penalty during this year’s ThorRontTee-un Firecracker 400!

As I listened to Kevin Lee on Trackside last Thursday evening doin’ his bestest Perrywinkle-dust toe Tap ‘round the situation – which put him in a slight pickle; Hmm? Let’s see, Kevin works race weekends for NBC Sports/ConversNbc/comca$t – who OWN Versus, who are now blamed for the snafu.

Yet in fairness, it wasn’t Kevin who blew the call, as he was just the “lowly” ‘Pitboy reporter sent down to offer his head upon a silver platter for ‘Cheep to bite off! As for the Booth Jockeys - I seriously doubt I could handle all of the constant overlapping of NON-Stop voices in my Head, Err Headset... Yet, the situation was handled ‘Uber POORLY and hopefully WON’T occur again in the future...


As I still DON’T understand why Indy Car doesn’t utilize F1’s system where the Stewards post the information Car No. 10 and 12 are under investigation – otherwise, NO penalties have been handed out...

Update
Randy Pemberton, Bob Varsha and Robin Miller are all slated to Guest Host editions of Wind Tunnel in Dave Despain’s absence over the next few weeks, reportedly with Miller having Dario “REO Speedwagon” Franchitti as Co-host, replete with a chat with thee ‘Wee Scot, aka Sir Jackie. (Stewart)

It’s also worth noting that Despain mentioned on air how he’d be willing to bet his entire vacation pay on how NEITHER Bob Jenkins or Terry Linger made up the bogus Dashley LePew Phantom ThorRonTee-Un penalty call...

Friday, July 15, 2011

Remembering Jeff Krosnoff...

Otay, so I’m woefully a Day late (and several Dollars short...) upon posting this story, as Kudos to Kevin Lee who reminded the Open Wheel Racing world (including Mwah) last evening upon Trackside that it was the 15th Anniversary of Jeff Krosnoff’s wicked ‘N fatal accident during the 1996 Toronto Molson Indy, which also took the life of corner worker Gary Avrin...

As I’d tuned in to get Kevin and Kurty Cavin’s take upon that ABOMINATION of an IndyCar race to which I haveda agree 100% with TK and ‘BIG UNIT’s (Tony Kanaan & Justin Wilson) comment about it being EMBARASSING! Which I’ll wait for a further day to expound upon...

Thus back to the late Messer Krosnoff who I really to this day know virtually nothing about, albeit I believe I musta seen him racing in Portland – as the CART Boyz did indeed make their yearly Father’s Day weekend stop on June 23rd that year. To which I also believe was El Zoro’s (Alex Zanardi) debutant Champ Car victory... And hence most likely overshadowed Krosnoff’s race that day...

Unfortunately, all I seem to recall as time screams by is that Mesopotamia known as The Split, as ’96 is the year that CART billed itself as the premiere Open Wheel Racing series, as I still recall the phrase: All the Stars vs. All the Cars... Thus, sadly, I’m assuming I paid either very little or most likely no attention to the rookie driver Krosnoff, who was most likely a back marker aboard his Arciero-Wells Racing (Frank Arciero and Cal Wells collaboration)Reynard-Toyota – especially since it was Toyota’s inaugural Indy Car season – not to mention Arciero-Wells being ‘Juan of the Minnow’s on the CART grid.

Thus, I seem to somewhat still vividly see that beautifully decked-out red & yellow MOMO corse Ferrari 333SP of Giampiero Moretti’s being driven at qualifying speeds during the last hour of that year’s Daytona 24hrs by a virtual unknown by the name of Massimiliano Papis! With Bob Varsha going GaGa over Papis’s breakneck speed whilst trying vainly to run down the eventual winners in the races final half hour. Thus was it here where Massimiliano ggained the moniker MAD MAX from his stellar runner-up finish?

And Krosnoff, who was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma but grew up in California, garnering a degree in Business from UCLA, seems to have cut his racing teeth in a most different way, as he spent five years racing in the obscurity of the Japanese F3000 series before being plucked by Cal Wells to help his fledgling association with new engine manufacturer Toyota. Although it’s worth noting that Krosnoff did finish second overall in the 1994 24 Heurs du Mans in which he competed a few times...

Cal Wells:
"We had huge shoes to fill," Wells said. "The team needed a driver who would continue Jeff's passion and commitment to his craft in the same uncompromising fashion Jeff did. We knew we could not replace Jeff, but we needed someone who would understand and emulate his mantra, 'Stay hungry.' Max has given that to us in and out of the car."

Thus apparently upon the strength of his Sports Car  drives in that stunning Ferrari 333SP – Papis was invited to take over the newly deceased Krosnoff’s seat just a few weeks later, which ultimately led to Papis being recruited by Meesh’s favourite IndyCar Owner Bobby Rahal – who once claimed that he felt Max could become “A Zanardi!” With the ultimate irony being that Alex is Papis’s son’s Godfather...

Max Papis:
"It was very difficult," Papis said. "The first time I sat in the car, I thought about Jeff, and now Jeff is not driving, he is not here.
"It felt like someone else's car. The car was not mine. The car was Jeff's."

Thus, I suppose it’s somewhat symbiotic – although I find it more karmic that I stood in line for nearly two hours this year at Indianapolis Motor Speedway to get “Stevie Johnson’s” (Stefan Johansson) autograph. As it was the Swede no-less whom Krosnoff made wheel-to-wheel contact with upon that fateful day Up North Eh!

Bobby Rahal:
"The thing that Max brings to a team is charisma," Rahal said. "Forget talent, because that's obvious, but there's charisma. Charismatic people drive things to a higher level through force of will. They're not afraid to take a stand, and I like that about him."

And I can personally attest to this most excellante trait of Massimiliano’s – having witnessed it before and once again whilst standing in line at IMS, when Papis came out to appease the crowd by signing many of ours paraphernalia – yet telling the crowd: My wife sez I’ve gotta get my picture taken with Janet! (Guthrie) Before returning to pleasing the crowd and telling multiple stories too; as it’s alright Max, who claimed one of his downfalls in racing was “He’s too nice!”

And thus, I guess I know the reason why the late Jeff Krosnoff seemingly gets little, if any recognition upon his ultra brief CART career, or his death, as after all he was only starting his 11th Indy Car race which is barely a blip upon the radar. Yet Jeff’s passing ultimately opened the door for Max Papis’s Open Wheel career, who was then followed by another driver nicknamed “Shorty,” a.k.a. Cristiano da Matta who delivered Cal Wells lone CART victory, so who knows just how great Jeff could have become...


To continue reading, see: Remembering Jeff Krosnoff - Part 2

Quotes taken from 1998 LA Times story Papis Is Coming On as the Next Zanardi, written by Martin Henderson...

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Have You Ordered your Make A Wish T-Shirt yet?

So wouldn’t it be AWESOME to see the Edmonton Grandstands awash in a sea ‘O blue – specifically blue T-Shirts boldly emblazoned with the number eight upon the left sleeve, eh? (Also on the back above the name Paul Tracy...)

As I’ve just received my great lookin’ Kuhnadiun Make-A-Wish Paul Tracy T-Shirt supporting Team Oh KanaDuh’s charitable work, as I did it for Mike Cockrell, who has not only spearheaded the survival of Edmonton’s IndyCar event, but also tirelessly devotes unbridled efforts to this great Charity cause!

So if you’re in the market for a great new PT T-Shirt – along with supporting a great charity then check it out below, eh?

Happy Bastille Day

Although there’s currently NO Frenchmen in Formula 1, there are a triumberant currently contesting the GP2 Championship, albeit one is an ex-F1 driver trying to find his way back into the big leagues... Whilst sadly there are currently NO Frenchmen with Full time Indy Car Series rides – notice I said FULL time, as many will be quick to point out le Hamburgular, nee ‘SeaBass, aka Sebastian Bourdais, who seemingly was overlooked during the Thor Ront Tee-un Firecracker 400... C’mon people, when’s the last time a Dale Coyne car finished sixth on a Twisty-track, eh? Hmm? Most likely when SommeJuan named Justin ‘BIG UNIT Wilson drove for Dem...

Thus, its truly a SHAME that the services of a one Mr. “Symone Pagenoe” (Simon Pagenaud) isn’t currently employed in a Full-time ride in le Indy Cars, nor J.K. Vernay – both being very deserving of said rides in the ‘BigCarz which will hopefully be rectified next year...

The Effervesant ‘PT introduces us to the word Haboobs in his latest Blog post...

While I’m awaiting tonight’s Trackside with Cavin & Kevin; Uh Gee Wally! Whadda Yuhs tinks They’ll be Yaking ‘bout, eh? I dunno, perhaps that Thor RonTee-un Firecracker 400 – which ‘Ol PT, also known as Mr. Chrome Horn played a supporting role in...

As I’m saving my final comments upon le ThorRonTee-un Firecracker 400 until I hear the Trackside Boyz final take – since the commentary seems to be all over the board right now, eh?

So for you wanna bee Hosers from Up North Eh! Perhaps you’ll wish to read Thee Thrill from the West Hill’s latest blog installment...

Paul Tracy's Toronto Diary: A bunch of haboobs


Oh, and by the way – did Yuhs know that apparently Messer Tracy has uprooted again and now resides in The Valley of the Sun, specifically Scottsdale, AZ. Hmm? Wunder if he’ll be hookin’ up with Simona-Simona and/or Danica Patrick – who also reside there...

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

DANGER BEHIND WILL POWER! DASHLEY LE PEW IS PLAYIN’ THRU...

DON’T know ‘bout Y’all – BUTT! FUCKING EH RAY! What an absolute pyle ‘O rubbish... As really? Dario Franchitti didn’t CRASH into Will Power and get away with another ‘CHEEP-SHOT! As it wasn’t avoidable contact on Dario’s part – WTF? Go ahead IndyCar, might as well just hand over that NAKED man on a trophy thingy... As I was so DISGUSTED by the APATHY of Brian I.J.H.(Whale NOT Sunday ‘DAWG...) Braveheart, that I quickly renamed him BillyBob Brazenheartz... (Brian Barnhart) Alas, it was handled sooooooooooo POORLY that I wasn’t even MAD over the BASTARDIZED Mid-race call. Oh wait a ‘My-nute Boyz, there CAN’T be any controversy ‘til we reach Edmonton, right? As I’m guessin’ that’s when the black flag can truly be unfurled, eh?

As I’ve just got ‘Juan HUGE Problema with that HOLE black flag NO black flag Mesopotamia, i.e.; Drive-thru penalty for Car No. 10... If the Versus Boyz in the booth truly got it wrong, then please have the Kuhoona’s to say so. Otherwise I’m totally 100% in agreement with Professor B, aka Jon Beekhuis. You CANNOT issue a penalty and then rescind it – as it gives absolutely NO credibility to your race Officiating IndyCar! What’s next? Phantom yellow flags? Oh Never Mind!

As ironically, Dario claimed he’d done exactly what DannyBoy ‘SPIKE Wheldon described at the time of the incident, i.e.; went for a pass that wasn’t there – backing off too LATE after realizing he wasn’t gonna pull off the maneuver upon Power... Who once again got indirectly SCREWED by ‘HULIO! (Initially...) When the Dancin’ Fool had some BrainFade, Err left footed brake issues and missed his mark again...

And duh HITS just keep on coming, as I was so GUTTED by IndyCar letting ‘Cheep get away with his theatrics – first sheddin’ Crocodile Tears during his initial interview by sayin’ Power gets away with everythingy... And then later on doin’ his bestest Sergeant Schulz impersonation after his driver won the race. NO! I DON’T KNOW NOTHIN! ‘Bout any sorta black flag penalty thingy - this is the first I’ve heard of it – wah wha wah...

And the Oscar for Best Actor by an ICS Team Owner goes to 'CHEEP (Ganassi - F%%K! What an unreasonably large turd that was ‘Chee...)

As  perhaps Dashley had better take  Will a Payday bar or 4 from the Tarr-Jhey candy department, since after Billy Bob Brazenheartz & Co decided to let Dario simply play thru that Spin ‘em Out Boyz episode, I’m seriously considering NOT watchin’ another Indy Car race for the resta duh season! (As can anybody tell me the last time a Target Car got a penalty? Or has it simply become the Target Hour Show, eh?)

As I’m still NOT sure if I was watchin’ a PickEmUp Trucks race, RASSCAR Saturday Night Short Oval SMASHEMUP-fest or an Indy Car race? As I’ve already denoted it as the Toronto Firecracker 400 to ‘Juan particular ‘Wag; CRIKEYS!

Although I think that’s the first time EVER I’ve actually broke into laughter during a Dan-Dan-Dan-Danica interview: “They told me to get outta the car; Somebody TOOK my (NOSE) Wing! I DON’T understand...” (I’m Cornfuzed) That’s FUNNY SHIT Menard! Here Danica, have a Payday candy bar – they’re Majikly Delicious; Hya!

And DON’T even get me started ‘bout ‘lil Al’s CONTORTED, confusing and crazy attempts at doing Damage Control for BillyBob’s Officiatin’ Crew immediately after the race; Now Yuhs sees Bob, if TK had just given Briscoe a little more room... SHEISA!

Monday, July 11, 2011

FIA blowing Hot Air?

Since I won’t be viewing the British GP ‘til tomorrow morning’s SPEED replay – having been ‘oot ‘N aboot this weekend, hence I don’t know the end result of an utterly PATHETIC mucking about by the FIA over continuously changing Formula 1 rules in-season...

As first ALL F1 Constructors were to be BANNED from continuing their clever slighting of FIA’s Parc Ferme conditions with their ‘Uber Trick off throttle run over blown diffusers – creating extra downforce in off throttle conditions. Then on Friday’s British GP practice it was divulged that the teams would be allowed to utilize 10% off throttle, before the FIA quietly gave first Renault and then next Mercedes individual dispensations of 50% off throttle applications, without revealing this to the other engine manufacturers, i.e.; Ferrari and Cosworth. Confused yet?

Then next Mercedes was allowed to keep their 50% “HOT” fuel burning blown dispensation but la Reggie, nee Renault was forced to revert back to a 10% “COLD” cool-air blown condition instead; WTF? As it’s all clear as MUD on a rainy day! (Which kinda matches the typical fine summer weather they’ve been having at Silverstone this past weekend, eh?) Oh Never Mind – as this is all way over my head!

10% rule: Full analysis

Powers New Shoes, ‘Plowie’s New ride...

So I found it pretty amazing that the “Powers-to-Be” (Pun intended) at Penske Racing made a rather bold move this past Friday – when it was publicly announced that Dancin’ Fool ‘HULIO’s Strategist Tim Cindric would take over this role for Penske’s leading man Will Power – who’s borne the BRUNT of several key Pitlane snafu’s by his crack Penske pit crew... Which led me to muse recently to Indiana Bureau Chief Danny B: I know it’s NOT true; BUTT! It almost seems like Penske does NOT want Will Power to win the IndyCar title over Castroneves; CRIKEYS!

As I think it was Bob Varsha on Speedcentre who said Power was clearly agitated during his post concussion “TRUTH SYRUM” spoutin’ off the words SHIT MAN! I keep getting SCREWED in the Pitlane, albeit this was a much more mild bout ‘O discontent vs. lead Penske ‘Roundy-rounds Boy Curt Busch’s outlash on his in-car radio awhile ago, eh?

Thus, Cindric, who’s been Helio Castroneves Strategist since 2000, a streak of 196 consecutive races together – will now take over this duty for Will Power beginning at Toronto as The Captain, aka Roger Penske has deemed this necessary in order for Will to have a chance at dethroning Dario “REO Speedwagon” Franchitti and arch rival Chip Ganassi from a third consecutive Indy Car Series Championship; Aye Karumba!

Meanwhile, past Indy Lights protagonists Sam Schmidt and Gary Peterson of SSM (Sam Schmidt Motorsports) and AFS (Automated Fire Systems) respectively have announced their merger of IndyCar operations; teaming up to run the AFS Racing No. 17 beginning at the upcoming Mid Ohio race, where former Indy Lights winner Martin “Plowie” Plowman will make his Big Car debut. Then the 23yr old Englishman will contest the “Twisties” at Sears Point (Sonoma) and Baltimore, as one can only guess this is a lead-up to a full time Gig for 2012? NO word on whether/not they’ll run the remaining Ovals – perhaps with Thy Leggy ‘Juan, nee Katherine Legge at the controls? We’ll see, eh?